Untitled Effect
by Badpie
Summary: The beginning, middle and end for Commander John Shepard.
1. Shipping Out

_Okay, I'm realizing that my stories are becoming incredibly difficult to put together chronologically. This has prompted me to take on a gigantic project that I really hope works out. Here goes: I'm doing…ONE GIGANTIC STORY and each of my original stories will be separate chapters. I will also be adding a ton more content in between and adding more to other stories, probably even editing them for continuity purposes. I was too divided and confused to write anything anymore. This will be my one story to rule them all sort of thing. ___

_My stories are about my male John Shepard, the default look (Sheploo). Here are the main points: Spacer, sole survivor, soldier. There is also some Shepard/Ashley content (okay a lot of it…a ton of it) and some Shepard/Liara content and hopefully a few surprises even for those of you who have been reading my stuff so far. Thanks to all of you for reading and leaving really great reviews, which inspired me to do this. I really hope you enjoy it. So here we go. From the beginning._

**Shipping Out**

By Badpie

Commander John Shepard strolled along the deserted corridor of the SSV Normandy, the Alliance's newest and best frigate. It was completely empty at the moment except for Captain Anderson, who was in his private quarters and a Turian named Nihlus Kryik who'd been sent to observe the upcoming mission. Shepard walked along, feeling restless, admiring the sleek new ship.

Shepard had been on a lot of impressive vessels, but the Normandy surpassed them all by far. They were docked on Earth at the moment, in Vancouver awaiting the arrival of the rest of the crew, about thirty of them. In the meantime, Shepard was enjoying the quiet hum of the ship's near silent engine.

Shepard had to admit, he was looking forward to this assignment. He would be serving directly under Captain Anderson, a man Shepard had a great professional respect for. He'd met him on several occasions and had worked with him indirectly on a few missions, but now he was his Executive Officer aboard the Normandy.

Shepard had never been an XO before. His last three years had been as Lt. Commander aboard the Midway, a classified N7 frigate patrolling the outskirts of the Attican Traverse. He'd always been the muscle of the operation, leading the squad into the thick of it. It was no different here. With such a small crew, one of the smallest in the Alliance, Shepard had to take on double duty. He'd be going groundside with the squad on all the ops, but he would also be responsible for all the administrative reports on the ship.

Shepard wasn't looking forward to the extra desk work. He was no pencil pusher, and aside from mission reports he tried to avoid it as much as possible. From the time he could walk his parents had practically conditioned him to be a soldier, just as they both were in the Alliance Navy themselves. For as long as he could remember, Shepard had been moving from ship to ship with his parents' different assignments. He could only actually remember a handful of times his mother and father had even been in the same room together. They'd had to stagger their assignments when he was younger and most of the time it was one parent taking care of him at a time. It had been ingrained in him from the time he was born. And Shepard knew from a young age what he would be doing with his life.

Shepard walked into his tiny bunk area. It was little more than a single bunk, a locker, a tiny desk and console and a very small bathroom with just a shower stall and toilet. The sink retracted into the wall just above the toilet when not in use. Shepard had slept in far worse places. There were one or two cramped, smelly fox holes he'd rather forget about. In any case it was private, which was more than he could say for the rest of the crew. They would be hot bunking in shifts in sleeper pods crammed into two areas on the ship.

"Settled in?" Shepard heard Captain Anderson's voice in the hallway behind him. He turned.

"Yes sir." Shepard replied.

"Good. Had a chance to look around I assume." Anderson stood with his hands behind his back. Even in casual conversation he was a marine through and through. Anderson was one of the most decorated officers in the Alliance Systems Navy. He was one of the first graduates of the N7 Special Forces program, something that impressed Shepard especially. He knew how brutal N7 training was. N7 training was the worst punishment Alliance marines could ever have inflicted on them, and after a year of the most intense physical, mental and psychological combat training ever invented, Shepard had graduated at the head of his class, similar to Anderson. It had gotten them both noticed among the Alliance brass.

"I've had a chance to familiarize myself with her, yes." Shepard responded to Anderson's question.

Anderson smiled. "She is a beauty isn't she?"

"Yes sir."

Anderson nodded. He looked proud. Commanding a ship like the Normandy was certainly an accomplishment. The SSV Normandy was a prototype warship. A deep scout frigate, co-developed by the Alliance and the Turian Heirarchy with the sponsorship of the Citadel Council, the Normandy was optimized for solo reconnaissance missions deep within unstable regions, using state-of-the-art stealth technology powered by an experimental drive core. The Normandy represented the Council's confidence in the human race as a continuing productive member of the galactic community, something that no one took lightly. Anderson was the right man for the job.

The Turian on board, Nihlus was employed directly by the Council as a Special Tactics and Reconnaissance operative, or SpecTRe for short. Nihlus was there to observe and report back to the Council during the Normandy's first run. Shepard understood the Council's desire to keep an eye on their investment, but something wasn't sitting right in Shepard's gut about it for some reason.

"You know officially you're on liberty until 0900, Commander," Anderson said. "You don't have to stick around here. Go get some ground under your legs."

Shepard looked at the time. It was only 1800. Even he couldn't occupy himself on an empty ship for that long. He nodded. "Thank you sir. I think I will."

Anderson turned to walk away. "See you tomorrow Shepard," he said as he walked.

Shepard entered his bunk and the door hissed shut behind him. With the door closed it was positively claustrophobic. He considered what he might do to occupy his time. He could go to one of the Alliance friendly bars in the area, but he wasn't a big drinker and he didn't really want to run into any of the new crew before tomorrow. He supposed he would do what he had considered earlier and call Marisa.

When he'd heard the Normandy would be picking up her crew in Vancouver, Shepard couldn't help but think of his old friend, Marisa Nilsson. The last time they'd emailed almost a year ago she was in Vancouver. He hadn't actually seen her in about two years, but ever since high school they'd kept in touch.

Marisa's father was in the Alliance and both he and Shepard's father had been stationed on Genesis Station when they were sixteen years old. Marisa, Shepard and several other kids Shepard still counted as friends were close knit. When parents were in the military, kids made friends fast and kept them as long as they could, because moving on to something else was a very real possibility at any time.

Marisa and Shepard had become close fast and he credited her with more than a few of the "firsts" in his youth. She was ridiculously beautiful. At 5'10" with exotic looks born of her Swedish father and multi-racial Brazilian mother, her blue eyes and dark blonde hair contrasted nicely with her light coffee colored skin. It was no wonder she had been able to parlay her appearance into a successful modeling career.

Shepard sat at the console and punched in his clearance to get a live outside line. In a few seconds, after the source of the message was scrambled, he would be able to call her. He often did on the rare occasion they were in the same location. A couple of times they'd just had dinner, and a couple of times they'd had more than dinner. They always had fun, and Shepard liked catching up with her.

The console beeped, indicating a connection on the line. And after a couple of tones, Marisa picked up.

"Hello?" She said. She sounded a little confused.

"Marisa," Shepard started. "John Shepard."

There was a small pause on the other end and then "Oh! Oh my god. Hi! Haha. I had no idea who it was. Your ID is blocked or something."

"Oh yeah it's a secure line. How are you?" Shepard asked.

"I'm…I'm good! How are _you_? _Where _are you?" She asked.

"I'm in Vancouver."

"Right now?" She sounded excited.

"Yeah."

"Oh." She sounded disappointed. "I didn't even know you were coming."

"Yeah, I'm sorry," Shepard apologized. "I didn't actually find out until a couple days ago and then it was classified so…"

"Uh huh," she teased. "Same story as always. God it's great to hear your voice, John."

Shepard smiled.

"You too. I know it's short notice and I don't want you to feel obligated if you have plans, but –"

"John," She interrupted him. "Meet me at Malagueta in an hour. It's a Brazilian place, 364 Old Robson."

Shepard laughed. "I'll see you there."

* * *

Jeff "Joker" Moreau was going to get drunk tonight. It wasn't a normal habit of his, but he was in a great mood.

The music from the bar practically smacked him in the face as he wobbled a little through the door on his leg braces. As he looked around he could see that the Dress Blue bar was packed. He was positive that 40% of the patrons were Alliance military and the other 60% were women who wanted to have sex with Alliance military. The name "Dress Blue" was something of a joke as the bar itself was a dark, dingy place that smelled like stale beer.

Joker was uncharacteristically giddy. Ever since he'd found out he would be piloting the SSV Normandy, the best ship in the Alliance fleet, he'd been fighting the urge to dance a jig. Not that he could actually dance a jig. Not with Vrolik's Syndrome, the genetic disease that caused the bones in his legs to be brittle. Even with the leg braces it was a chore to get around, but Joker refused to be put in a chair. He was just too damned stubborn.

As he sat on the nearest bar stool and nodded for the pretty bartender to come his way, he thought about how far his stubborn nature had carried him through life. He had been top of his class by far in flight school and piloted some of the Alliance's best starships in the past three years. At twenty-three years old Joker was considered something of a prodigy when he'd first enlisted. He was so staunchly serious about becoming the best that his flight instructors had called him "Joker" and it stuck.

"What can I get you, sweetie?" The bartender asked, pushing a strand of her short, bright magenta hair behind one ear. Joker took note of the small flower tattoo on her wrist.

"Molson," he said over the music. The bartender smiled and walked away to get his beer.

Joker was not particularly a ladies man. He was attractive enough. It wasn't that. It wasn't even that he had to wear leg braces, although he was sure that was probably a little off-putting for some women, especially in this day and age when most things could be cured genetically while still in the womb. His condition was rare. Mostly, though the reason Joker was no lothario was that he was a little shy and awkward around women. For all his confidence and bravado when it came to helming starships, Joker lacked the confidence to just start chatting up an attractive chick. Unless he was drunk, which he was planning on being tonight.

The bartender walked up, carrying his draft and put it in front of him. "You Alliance?" She asked cheerily. "You get a special discount if you are." She winked one of her green eyes at him.

"I am indeed Alliance and I love discounts," Joker said. "What's the damage?" He asked reaching into his pocket for his credit device.

The bartender shook her head and leaned forward on the bar, which accentuated the cleavage that peeked over the top of her form fitting leather vest. "This one's on that guy over there," she said, pointing toward a guy at the end of the bar. It took Joker a second to pry his eyes away from her but then he looked and saw Elliot Fitzer raising his glass. Joker laughed then turned to the bartender.

"Thanks," he said. He took a big swig of his beer. The hops burned his nose pleasantly. "What's your name by the way?" He asked her.

"Violet," Violet said, smiling at him. She turned and walked away, leaving Joker to stare shamelessly at her ass. When he looked back up Fitzer was just walking up to him with a big stupid grin on his face.

"Well shit," Fitzer said taking Joker's hand in a firm handshake. "What the hell are you doin' here?" Fitzer was an engineer and Joker had served aboard the Leipzig with him about a year ago. They'd gotten along really well and had the same sarcastic sense of humor. Fitzer was a hyper guy and a little strange, but he was all right. He was wiry and short, shorter than Joker's 5'9" with short dark curly hair.

"What's up, Fitzer?" Joker said. "Good to see you."

"You too, man. So what brings you to Vancouver?" Fitzer asked.

"Transfer. Gonna be piloting the Normandy come tomorrow morning."

Fitzer's eyes went wide. "No shit!" he yelled. "I'm there too! Working under creepy old Adams."

"Creepy old Adams?"

"Yeah yeah. Great engineer. Fucking genius, but uh…little bit of a mouth breather."

Joker laughed. "So who did you have to blow to get this assignment?"

"Fuck off. I'm a rock star when it comes to drive cores." Fitzer scoffed. That part was true. Joker knew that the entirety of The Normandy's crew had been handpicked by Captain Anderson, Admiral Hackett and Commander Shepard from a very short list. Everyone on it would be excellent at their jobs and Joker was looking forward to working with people who weren't complete idiots.

Joker had gotten distracted by Violet pouring a beer for another patron. Just a teensy bit of her midriff was showing above her short leather skirt. He could see hints of a tattoo that seemed to cover a part of her back and slink around to the front. He gulped his beer. When he looked up she was smiling at him. Fitzer noticed.

"Oh man," he said. "What I would do to that," he said drinking his beer.

"Right?" Joker said, still distracted. He gulped more of his beer.

"Heard she has a thing for pilots," Fitzer said. "I mean just sayin'."

Joker's head whipped around to Fitzer. "Really?" Fitzer nodded.

"So…" Fitzer said. "Shots?"

Joker nodded frantically and waved Violet over to them.

Sure enough, Fitzer was correct about Violet being into pilots, and after a couple hours and god knows how many shots shared with her, she was finally done with her shift. Fitzer, after patting Joker on the back and slurring something like "gogetterchamp" had left and before Joker knew it he was making out with Violet in a dark corner of the bar. He thought about the astronomical odds that something like this would happen. It was like the beginning plot of a crappy adult vid.

Truthfully, Joker was wrecked and most of it was a blur. But it was a really hot blur and it smelled nice. And Joker was just going to let this high ride, even though he knew he'd be hungover the next day. After some labored conversation about being a pilot, Violet finally said "lemmeseeyership" or something like it into Joker's ear. Joker weighed this. On one hand, to show up at the Normandy completely pissed out of his mind would be the worst possible thing he could do for his career. And it's not like Alliance security would just let him bring some horny bartender on board anyway. It was a terrible idea. On the other hand, Violet was kissing his neck and groping him pretty aggressively through his clothes, and since sexual conquests for Joker were very few and very far between his libido won out and they staggered out of the bar together.

After a short walk, or rather a very long one for Joker during which he had to explain his leg braces, they approached the docks that kept the Normandy and several other Alliance vessels. As they approached, Joker could feel himself almost suddenly sober up. It hit him what was actually happening and he stopped.

"What's wrong?" Violet said.

Joker already hated himself for what he was about to say.

"We can't actually go on the ship," he admitted. She looked at him, glassy eyed and confused for a second.

"What ship?" She said. "I mean whish one issit?" She gestured drunkenly to the two or three frigates sitting at various docks. Joker realized then that they were just outside of the restricted area. Thankfully he hadn't used his access card to get through the gate. He pointed to the Normandy.

"That one." He said, but she was already kissing him again. She stumbled a little and the two of them fell back onto a crate that was positioned well enough to break Joker's short fall without breaking him. He sighed relief as he realized there was no damage. Then he tensed again as she clumsily moved to straddle his lap. "Woah woah," he said. "Try not to break my legs," he said, his words muffled by her lips.

She pulled back then and pulled open her vest, revealing her bright pink bra, which housed her perfect breasts.

"Oh my god," Joker said. "Never mind. You can break whatever you want."

After a few more seconds of kissing, Violet pulled back again.

"It's not very big," she said.

"Wait, what?" Joker asked, suddenly feeling defensive.

"Your ship," she whispered.

"Oh! Oh right. Oh." Joker said, suddenly feeling relieved. "Well," he began again, suddenly feeling the need to explain that it wasn't big, but it was fast and quiet and technologically advanced, but he cut himself off when he saw the look on Violet's face. It was the unmistakable look of a drunk person that was about to vomit.

"Woah," she said and stood up, leaving Joker sitting on the crate.

"Um…you okay?" Joker asked. She waved him off dismissively as she bent over slightly.

"I'mokay," she said. "I'llbefine."

"Maybe your friend should go sleep it off," said a loud, stern voice nearby. It startled Joker and he stood faster than he ever had in his life. Before him stood an annoyed and disgusted looking Turian, who glared at him for a moment. Joker was firstly, surprised to see a Turian at all and secondly, suddenly feeling a little nausea himself.

"Uh yeah. Yeah I'll take her home," Joker said. He couldn't tell if the Turian was concerned for Violet's well-being, or simply irritated that she was about to be ill near him. Probably a little of both, but Turians had very few facial expressions and Joker was by no means good at reading them.

After another short glare and what sounded like an annoyed sigh, the Turian walked away and headed for the gate.

Joker sighed. He was suddenly stone cold sober. He turned to Violet, who had composed herself without getting sick. Joker got the feeling this sort of thing was a pretty normal occurrence for her.

"Come on, I'll put you in a cab," he said. She nodded and reached out for him. He hoped he wouldn't have to support too much of her weight.

As they walked away slowly, Joker glanced back in the direction the Turian had gone. He was just approaching the gate and Joker watched him use his access card, which meant he was affiliated in some way with the Alliance. Joker cursed himself. How could he have been so stupid? He desperately hoped he would never have to see that guy again.

* * *

Marisa was as beautiful as ever.

Shepard was waiting for her at the bar of the restaurant when she arrived. She was dressed casually in a pair of tight dark jeans, flat shoes and a gray oversized top that hung just a little off of one of her light brown shoulders. Her blonde hair was pulled back in a sleek high ponytail and she wore small diamond stud earrings that made her blue eyes sparkle. As usual she wore very little makeup, and as usual she was radiant. She had always been surprisingly low maintenance and laid back. She smiled when she saw him and he stood as she approached him.

She squealed a little and threw her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. He returned the gesture, a crooked smile creeping across his lips as well.

She pulled back from him and grinned. "How the hell are you?" She asked. Shepard felt like he'd seen her a week earlier. She smelled like jasmine.

"Overworked," he joked. "What about you?"

"Same. Let's get a table," She squeezed his hand and let go, making her way to the dining area. Shepard followed. Everything with Marisa was always very natural. Ever since they'd met thirteen years ago she had always been the type of person who made friends easily and kept them feeling special.

Marisa and Shepard had never technically been more than friends. Even when they were younger, they both had kept things pretty casual, especially since they both knew they would be leading very different lives later. It worked for them. Marisa was special to Shepard, familiar, and one of the few people in his life he could relax around. She knew John, not Commander Shepard, something that was rare in his life. She was a friend he hoped would be in his life for a long time, and so he'd decided years ago not to mess up their friendship by falling in love with her. Shepard wasn't very good at relationships.

They sat down at the table and Marisa asked the waiter in Portuguese if he would bring them a bottle of red wine. He nodded and stepped away. Shepard's Portuguese was atrocious at best, most of it taught on the fly, on occasion by Marisa over the years. He was fluent in Spanish, French, and Russian and functional in Korean and Farsi. He could even recognize key military terms and phrases in Salarian, Asari and Batarian, though true Turian language was impossible for humans to speak or understand. It wasn't uncommon for most people to speak at least two different languages on Earth. Travel from place to place was simple enough and ever since non-earth creatures had entered the mix Earth had become more like one gigantic community anyway.

"First things first," Marisa said. "Spill it. Why are you here, what have you been doing, that sort of thing. Ready set go." Shepard laughed. Normally she had no hint of any kind of dialect, but every once in awhile an adorable Swedish/Brazilian combination would work its way out of her mouth on certain words. It was barely noticeable, but it was one of the things Shepard enjoyed about her. "I know you can't really give me details," She continued. "You know, since everything you work on is all top secret and all, but just give me the gist."

"Hm," Shepard started. "When was the last time we talked?"

Marisa sighed, annoyed. "You sent me a four word email like a _year_ ago, John."

"It wasn't four words," he said defensively, though embarrassingly enough, she was right. He was notoriously bad at keeping in touch with people. She gave him a withering look. "Okay I'm sorry," he said. "I know I'm…I'm a jerk." They smiled at each other. "My assignment has been the same as it was before up until about two days ago. I'm an XO now on a ship leaving out of the docks here tomorrow morning."

"New ship, new crew?" She asked, genuinely interested. Shepard nodded. "Wow. You gonna miss your old guys?"

"I am," he said. "They were a crazy bunch, so yeah. I'm gonna miss some of those guys." He shrugged. "Some not so much." He chuckled. He would miss them. N7 marines had a special bond. Most made it to thirty years old if they were lucky, due to the dangerous nature of most of their missions. It made someone really appreciate the guy watching his back.

"Who was the one guy you told me got impaled through the leg with some sort of pipe and pulled it out himself?" She asked. "That story always stuck with me."

"Oh, Hudson," Shepard laughed. "Yeah, he was crazy."

"He's not anymore?"

"He uh. He actually was killed in action a few months ago so…" Shepard clenched his jaw a little at the sudden turn in the conversation.

"Oh god," Marisa said. "Sorry. That's…too bad." She sighed. She'd never been comfortable talking about death. "I know whatever it is you do is really dangerous." He looked into her eyes. They were serious now. "I really do worry about you, you know." She said softly. "I worry about you all the time."

"I know." He said.

"If anything ever happened –"

"You're on the list they have of people to notify," he cut her off. The air was suddenly heavy. He knew it was a grim topic, but it was true. She was on the list. Every marine had a list. And Shepard's list had five names on it; his parents, a former CO, his buddy Tim Hicks from basic, and Marisa. He'd figured he had all his bases covered with those five. Alliance marines in general had to at the very least be accepting of the idea that they could be killed in action. They were soldiers. It was just what they did. N7s had to learn to _expect_ death. They had to go in anyway to get the job done at whatever the cost. Shepard had reached a fairly comfortable set of terms when it came to death even though he hoped he wouldn't have to face it anytime soon.

Thankfully the wine came then, distracting both of them from their somber thoughts.

"Obrigada," Marisa thanked the man as he poured their wine. When he left Marisa quickly changed the tone of the conversation. "Wow, let's talk about something else now," she said and laughed.

Shepard laughed too. "Yeah, let's." They held their wine glasses up and Shepard gazed into her eyes. "God it's good to see you," he said. They touched glasses and then drank. Shepard cleared his throat. "All right," he said. "So what about you? Give me the run down."

"Ohhh boy," she rolled her eyes and took a deep breath. "Okay. Well since we last communicated,"

"With four words."

"Right. With four words." She giggled. "I've been all over the place doing shows and shoots and generally wearing my ass out." She moved a hand up to rub her neck.

"The price of beauty, I guess," Shepard added.

Marisa scoffed. "Yeah right. More like the price I pay for having a slave driver agent." She paused. "Thank you." Shepard nodded. "Soo that's about it…I guess…"

Shepard narrowed his eyes. "You sure there's not some tiny detail you're leaving out?" She looked guilty, but shook her head. "Nothing at all? Like maybe the reason you're wearing a wedding ring?" He added. He'd actually noticed it soon after she'd walked in, but he was kind of enjoying watching her squirm. He couldn't help but grin at it actually.

She bit her lower lip, a habit she had when she was uncomfortable and then she sighed and dropped her shoulders in defeat.

"Okay okay," she admitted. "I was gonna tell you…eventually."

"Uh huh," he said, smiling. "So who is he?"

She cleared her throat and drank more of her wine. "Remember that slave driver agent?" He nodded. "Yeah. Anyway it was kind of a whirlwind thing out of the blue and it just sort of happened a couple weeks ago and –"

"A couple weeks ago?" he asked. She nodded. "Wow." She looked a little embarrassed. He just looked at her face. "I think it's great, 'Reesa. I really do." He only occasionally called her Reesa, the shortened last half of her name when he was feeling particularly sentimental about her.

"Really?" she asked.

"Of course." It was true. He really was genuinely happy for her as long as she was happy. "You happy?" he asked to make sure. She nodded. "Good. He's good to you?" She nodded again, smiling. His eyes were locked on hers now. "Good," he said quietly.

She shrugged. "We just kind of work, you know?"

Shepard nodded, sipped his wine. "Well I think that's hard to find sometimes."

"Yup. He's actually in Paris right now. I'm meeting him there in a couple of days for a show." Her look got mischievous. "So you know," she said. "No trying to seduce me."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Shepard joked in a deadpan tone. Marisa giggled. "I am…_shocked_ and offended at your assumption." She giggled more. He had to laugh at her. Her giggle was cute.

The waiter returned then to take their order and throughout dinner they enjoyed comfortable conversation as usual. Shepard got updates on some old friends, and they relayed stories about fashion and modeling and bullets and space marines. Marisa asked about Shepard's parents, and they flirted a little, clearly not avoiding it, but not being too overt about it either. By the time dinner and a bottle of wine were done it was getting late and Shepard felt truly happy and relaxed. He was glad he'd called her.

He paid the bill.

"What time do you have to leave tomorrow?" Marisa asked. It was an innocent enough question, but she was looking at the table when she said it, smiling and fidgeting with her hands a little. It was subtle, but the message was clear.

"I have to be on board at 0800. We shuttle out at 9." He watched her nod, then meet his gaze. She cocked her head to one side a little and the hair from her ponytail grazed the bare skin on her shoulder. She had always been an expert at little silly things like that that drove men crazy.

"Be a gentleman and walk me home?" She asked softly.

Shepard simply stood and took her hand to help her up. As they walked out he thought about her previous question. He could walk her home, sure. It was the first part he wasn't so sure about.

* * *

Kaidan Alenko had been up all night with a migraine. It was finally subsiding now, just as the sun was coming up. He yawned as he stared out the window of the Vancouver hotel room the Alliance military had put him up in for the past two nights. He looked at the clock. 0600. Not enough time to sleep before he had to report for duty on the Normandy.

If he wasn't so exhausted, he would be very excited. With his much coveted post on the Normandy, had come a promotion from 1st Lieutenant to Staff Lieutenant. He'd been plucked from a slim roster of potentials by Admiral Hackett himself and he had to admit it made him feel proud.

He ran a hand through is dark hair and wearing just his boxers, walked to the vid screen showing the weather report for Vancouver and turned it off. He considered getting in a workout before he had to go, but thought better of it knowing it might exacerbate his headache. It was a shame. He could really use the time to blow off some steam.

Aside from the normal constant threat of migraines, caused by his L2 biotic implant Kaidan was fairly certain he knew what had brought this one on. As he thought about the conversation he had with his father the night before last he began to get angry again.

Matthew Alenko was, to put it simply, a jerk. Former Alliance military himself, Matthew had discouraged Kaidan from enlisting, calling the Alliance "meddling bastards." Kaidan had never had a particularly great relationship with him. He drank, was verbally abusive to his mother and had a habit of gambling and having affairs. He also had quite a bit of money that Kaidan's mother saw none of when he abruptly left her for another woman about ten years ago. And for the last couple years, since his mother had sustained a back injury, Kaidan and his sister had been supporting her for the most part monetarily. Kaidan was the only one who still kept in touch with his dad. His sister had stopped speaking to their father years ago.

Kaidan could think of no other reason he continued to occasionally connect with his father other than the fact that he was his father. He didn't particularly like him, even though not everything had been bad growing up. He had some fond memories of spending time with his dad fishing and hiking in the mountains, and generally his childhood had been pretty happy.

He supposed that's what made him call him when he was coming into town two days ago. Kaidan's mother had moved back to Singapore after the divorce, but Matthew was here in Vancouver. He'd met him at a bar, had a couple of beers and caught up with him the night before last. Even during civil conversation, Matthew managed to infuriate Kaidan somehow. The hour they'd spent talking was enough to last Kaidan a good long while.

Kaidan decided a shower was the best course of action. He would get to the Normandy early. He wanted to check out all the systems anyway. As the hot water melted away his stress, he was blissfully distracted by the thought of their first mission. The details were still classified, but he imagined it was just a shake-down run. It was pretty typical for any new starship.

Freshly showered and shaved, Kaidan put on his uniform and checked out of the hotel, carrying his ditty bag. It was a short walk to the docks and the streets of Vancouver were quiet. The air was cool and damp and the sky a signature gray, the smell of rain in the air. Kaidan had always liked Vancouver. He'd grown up just outside of it, and knew that a lot of the kids he'd gone to high school with were still around the area. It was a good place to raise a family. Kaidan didn't keep in touch with anyone from high school because he hadn't actually graduated with them. When he was seventeen years old, the men in suits had come to take him away to Brain Camp, and sometimes he regretted and resented having been robbed of the normal high school experiences. Of course, even if he hadn't gone his high school experience wouldn't have been normal.

Kaidan wasn't normal. He was shy growing up, mostly because he was different, special. His biotic abilities had begun to manifest themselves early on in chaotic ways. Sometimes when he was a kid when he would get angry or upset, objects in the room would simply fly and hit the wall, smashing into a thousand pieces. He learned to control his emotions at a young age and kept to himself mostly. He felt outcast among his peers.

He was almost to the docking bay now and his thoughts turned once again to his service with the Alliance. He'd joined up late in his life, at twenty-two. After Brain Camp was shut down he hadn't had a clue what he wanted to do with his life, so he kind of dropped off the map. Or at least he thought he had. When he was approached by some men in Alliance uniforms who suggested his biotic talents would be useful, he realized they had been keeping tabs on him. It wasn't surprising. Biotics did not go unnoticed by the authorities. Seeing the chance to do some good, Kaidan became inspired and he'd been on the fast track up the chain of command ever since.

Kaidan used his access card at the gate and it slid open slowly He nodded to the MP standing guard and headed to docking bay 4, where he would find the Normandy. He got a chill as he saw it. She was the sleekest, most interestingly designed ship he'd ever seen. He'd seen vids of it and simulations of its systems, but seeing it for real was impressive.

He walked past the two MPs on the outside of the door and into the airlock, where the pleasant voice of the ship's computer said "Logged. O624 hours. Lt. Alenko boarding. Please standby for decontamination." A thin wall of light made its way over and through Kaidan twice and then the door opened to the inside of the ship. Kaidan walked on and looked around him. It was quiet. At 6:30am probably very few, if any crew members were there yet. He'd memorized the layout and made his way to the crew locker rooms to deposit his personal items. He supposed the Captain was around somewhere by now, and probably Commander Shepard too.

Kaidan found his small locker with his name already on it and shoved his bag inside. Space was going to be tight on the Normandy. He'd never actually slept in a sleeper pod before, but he'd heard they were fairly comfortable. The use of them was a pretty new practice on newer Alliance vessels.

He made his way up to the bridge, taking note of the clean, cool air circulating throughout the ship. He was already starting to feel at home. As he approached the passage to the airlock, he heard the door open and Commander Shepard stepped through, dressed in civilian clothes. Kaidan had never met him, but he recognized him from his basic personnel file. He stopped, stood at attention and saluted.

"Commander Shepard," Kaidan said.

Shepard nodded. "At ease Lieutenant." He said. "Alenko right?"

"Yes sir."

Shepard extended his hand and Kaidan shook it.

"I've heard a lot about you," Shepard said. "You come highly recommended. Glad to have you on the crew."

"Thank you sir," Kaidan responded. "I'm looking forward to serving with you."

"You're here early." Shepard wasn't carrying a bag which suggested he was just returning to the ship rather than just getting there for the first time. He probably hadn't expected to see anyone at this hour.

Kaidan felt just a tad awkward. "Yes sir. I wanted to take a look around and familiarize myself more with the systems."

Shepard nodded. "See you later, Alenko."

"Commander."

As Shepard walked away, Alenko's respect for him doubled. On paper, Shepard had an extremely impressive career and Kaidan had been genuinely looking forward to meeting him. In person, Shepard seemed a born commanding officer. Even with just the small exchange of dialogue they'd had, Kaidan could tell Shepard was the kind of commander he would want to follow.

When Kaidan finally made it to the bridge he found that there was already a young bearded man there. He appeared to be wearing leg braces and was just sitting down into the pilot's chair, tipping Kaidan off that this was probably Jeff Moreau. He walked over to him.

"You must be Lt. Moreau," Kaidan said. The bearded man looked up.

"That's me." He responded. He didn't try to stand again, which Kaidan was glad for. It looked like it had been painful for him to sit down.

"Kaidan Alenko," Kaidan said and extended his hand, which Moreau shook.

"Call me Joker," Joker said. "You're the biotic right?"

Kaidan was a little surprised Joker knew that. And a little surprised that he was "the" biotic to him.

"Yeah," he answered. "Yeah I am." He gestured to the chair and console next to the pilot station. "I'll also be riding shotgun here for the most part."

"Cool. I heard you don't talk much, but that's okay. I talk enough for both of us."

Kaidan laughed. Joker was blunt and abrasive, the exact opposite of himself. Kaidan liked to think he had more tact.

"You're a tech right?" Joker asked.

Kaidan nodded. "General tech. I'm level 2 cert in all the major systems on this frigate. I'm also a trained field medic."

"Good," Joker joked. "When I fall down and snap one of my legs off you can patch me up _and_ fly this bird."

Kaidan resisted the urge to ask about Joker's legs. Three female voices broke the silence of the ship as the door to the outside opened. Kaidan and Joker watched them walk in, chatting amongst themselves. All three were attractive and wearing their Alliance uniforms. They carried bags over their shoulders.

"Oh please let the rest of the crew be female," Joker said as he watched them walk down the hall.

Kaidan smiled. "I doubt it."

"Gonna be awhile til we get some shore leave I bet," Joker said, still staring down the now empty hallway wistfully.

"Guess you should have thought about that before you came on board." Kaidan teased. Kaidan knew it was pretty customary for marines who were shipping out to try to get lucky the night before. He supposed it was because most of the time, even if it was small, there was still a chance they wouldn't be coming back. Kaidan had never really gotten the appeal of hooking up with random strangers for drunken sex. It wasn't really his style.

Joker put his head down and shook it. He sighed. "I did think about it. I more than thought about it," he said. He looked at Kaidan. "Oh man, there was this bartender last night –"

"Where is the Captain?" A strong voice came from the door, cutting Joker off. Kaidan turned to see a Turian standing in the doorway to the bridge. He was waiting for an answer. Kaidan had no idea who he was.

"I don't know where the captain is. I just got on board." Kaidan said. He noticed Joker's face had gone white, and he looked embarrassed. "I assume he's in his quarters. Who are you?" Kaidan didn't hide the annoyance in his tone. The Turian had disrespectfully interrupted, and Kaidan had no idea who he was. He clearly wasn't with the Alliance, but regardless Kaidan was an officer and the Turian's tone had made him bristle.

The Turian seemed to soften just a little when he noticed Kaidan's face. "I apologize for my abruptness, Lt." He said. "My name is Nihlus Kryik. I'm a representative of the Council here to observe your first mission."

"Kaidan Alenko," Kaidan said. He nodded toward Joker, who looked even more distressed now. "This is flight Lt. Moreau."

Nihlus nodded. "Lieutenants," he said. Then he turned and walked away.

Kaidan turned to Joker. He now had his forehead in one of his hands. "What's the matter with you?" Kaidan asked.

Joker sighed, long and loud. "Forget it," he said. "Just forget it."

Kaidan shrugged. "All right." He was distracted then by the sounds of a few more crew members boarding. He guessed he wasn't the only one that had been excited about the ship. Everyone seemed to be showing up early, and Kaidan was suddenly very anxious to get going.

* * *

By the time Shepard was done with his shower in his tiny quarters, the Normandy was buzzing with the majority of the crew. It was 0730 and Shepard was pleasantly surprised to see everyone taking initiative and getting there early. He had imagined he would be the only one there at this time.

His stomach grumbled just a little. He was hungry. He cursed himself for not grabbing something on the way. Marisa had offered to make him breakfast, but it was very early and he didn't want to impose on her further. Of course, he was pretty sure their time together hadn't been an imposition, especially since she'd practically insisted he spend the night. He hadn't needed any shred of convincing, even with the knowledge that she was now a married woman. Deep down he knew this would be the last time. As far as Shepard was concerned, he would be content to continue the occasional affair for years to come. But he wouldn't do that to her. He knew Marisa, and he knew that if they continued to rendezvous while she was married it would start to wear on her conscience. He allowed himself a small smile at the bittersweet realization, and then brushed it off and headed to the CIC.

Anderson was already there leaning over one of the FTL coms, cup of coffee in one hand. Shepard wondered if he'd even slept. He turned to face Shepard and nodded.

"Good morning, Shepard." Anderson said.

"Good morning sir." Shepard replied.

"Big day. I trust you got a good night's rest?" Shepard paused for just a second to try to count the few hours he'd actually slept last night, but Anderson cut off his thoughts with a smile. "I didn't sleep either." They both laughed just a little. "I'll be honest. I'm too damned excited about this ship."

Shepard smiled. "The crew seems to be excited as well, sir. They're all here pretty early."

"It's a good crew, Shepard." Anderson said.

"Yes sir." Shepard agreed. Anderson and Hackett had included much of his input in the selection process regarding the crew. They'd put together quite an impressive bunch.

"I'm looking forward to you turning them into a better one." Anderson looked Shepard in the eye.

Shepard nodded. Anderson was a friendly, warm, and pleasant man on the surface. Shepard guessed that any civilian that met him would be positively charmed by him. Any military personnel though would immediately see the weight and authority the man carried in his presence. His bearing was that of a man that had seen a lot and fought a lot of battles.

"You know," Anderson continued. "You remind me of myself when I was your age, Shepard. You're tough, smart, calm and you have a hell of sense of duty. I see good things in your future, Commander." It was an odd thing to say, Shepard thought, but he appreciated the compliment.

"Thank you, sir." Shepard replied. It wasn't often that a superior officer said anything of the sort to someone under their command and Shepard knew that to get one from Anderson, he must have made quite an impression on him.

The door opened then and the Turian, Nihlus stepped in. Shepard nodded at him. Something was still strange about him being here. Shepard had everything about this day nailed down, but this one loose end was starting to really annoy him.

Anderson looked down, looked to be in thought a moment. Shepard watched his distinguished brow wrinkle and Shepard knew the next thing he would say would be very important.

"Nihlus," Anderson began. "I'm glad you're here. I was just speaking with the Commander. Since you're both here now I thought it would be a good time to brief him."

Nihlus nodded, looked at Shepard. "I agree," he said, rather knowingly. Something clicked in Shepard's brain and he figured out what it was that hadn't been sitting right in his gut about Nihlus. There was clearly more going on than he knew. As the XO, he was annoyed for just a moment that he hadn't had full disclosure on whatever it was they were about to discuss, but he also accepted that Anderson probably had a good enough reason for it.

"What's going on, sir?" Shepard asked. He was suddenly impatient.

Anderson sighed. "You've probably figured out by now that this isn't just a simple shake down run." Shepard nodded. "We're headed to Eden Prime just as planned, but we have a specific objective that's classified."

"What are the details?" Shepard had a military mind. He rarely took the few moments to speculate on what could or couldn't be. He never asked a question that didn't get right to the point. His brain worked like a machine sometimes, sorting the facts from the questions and piecing together things in the blink of an eye. He'd learned the skill quickly in his years of service since sometimes all a soldier had was a blink of an eye to gather facts, assess and act upon them.

"An archeological team on Eden Prime recently unearthed a Prothean beacon during one of their digs." Anderson continued. "I'm sure you understand why this is classified."

Shepard did understand the gravity of the situation. All of the technological advances humans and non-humans alike had made regarding space exploration in the past several thousand years were based on Prothean technology. Even though the Protheans, an ancient race of technologically advanced beings disappeared 50,000 years ago, everyone, even the council races were still trying to understand everything they had left behind. Shepard knew that there had been various smaller findings throughout the galaxy, but nothing as big as a beacon. Not since humanity had found the data cache on Mars thirty-five years ago.

"That's quite a discovery," Shepard said. It was an understatement. "What's the mission?"

"They don't have the resources on Eden Prime to study the beacon properly. Nor do they have the means to keep it safe. We're going to retrieve the beacon and return it to the Citadel for in depth study. I'm sure you understand how important it is that it doesn't fall into the wrong hands."

"Yes sir I do." Shepard knew that time was of the essence for something such as this. Eden Prime was a safe, colonial farming planet but it was still on the fringe of the Terminus Systems, and there were a lot of nasty things floating around just outside of it. Aboard the Midway, Shepard had learned just how fragile the safety of the colonists in the area actually was. Officially the Alliance had no authority on the very fringe of galactic civilization and encroachment into the space by any fleet would mean an all out war. The entire area had always depended, unbeknownst to them, on top secret N7 patrols that got in and got the job done without leaving a trace. They were the silent guardians of life in the colonies. Shepard knew that if any one group of pirates, mercs or Batarian extremists learned of the discovery of the beacon, the risks of them organizing for an assault on Eden Prime doubled.

"I'll be fully briefing you and Lt. Alenko after we set a course, but there was something else I needed to speak with you about, Shepard." Anderson looked at Nihlus. "As you know, humanity has been pushing to get one of our own accepted into the SpecTRes for quite some time."

Shepard already knew where this was heading. "Yes sir," he simply said.

"Nihlus isn't just here to observe the mission. He's here to evaluate you."

Shepard looked at Nihlus, who was staring at him intensely.

"We've been watching your career for quite some time, Commander," Nihlus said. "Of a small handful of potentials, you are the obvious choice. You not only possess all the qualities we look for when considering candidates for SpecTRe status, but your service record is more than impressive, and we'd like to see first hand what you can do. This will be the first of several missions you and I will have together should you be interested."

Shepard nodded, thinking. This was big. It would mean a great deal for humanity to have a representative in the SpecTRes. Shepard didn't relish the though of the special attention he would likely receive from the media if this became the case, but he also knew that he would be an idiot to pass up the chance to be accepted into an elite unit like the SpecTRes. He looked at Anderson.

"I assume that whether or not I'm interested doesn't really matter." The corner of his mouth turned up as he looked at Anderson. It had been nice of them to pretend he'd had a choice.

Anderson laughed. "Let's just say we were all hoping we wouldn't have to convince you."

"Then I'm looking forward to it, sir."

Anderson glanced at Nihlus and then back at Shepard. "Good. We shuttle out in less than two hours. At 0800 I want you to make the rounds. In the meantime, you're dismissed."

"Aye aye, Captain." Shepard said. He looked at Nihlus again before he walked out.

The next hour and a half flew by as Shepard made the rounds, inspected the crew, chatted briefly with them and gathered systems reports. Before he knew it, they were in orbit.

Anderson briefed Alenko and Pressley on the situation with the beacon, leaving out all talk of Shepard's SpecTRe aspirations. All in all it seemed to Shepard like a cut and dry, well planned maneuver, but he would feel much better once they'd secured the beacon.

As the Normandy approached the mass relay that would rocket them at faster than light speed to Eden Prime, Shepard made his way to the bridge. Alenko was already there in the co-pilot's seat and Joker was at the helm. Predictably, Nihlus was not far behind Shepard and he came in and stood next to him.

Shepard stood, hands clasped behind his back, watching the view screen as the gigantic mass relay, made by the Protheans thousands of years ago, slowly filled the screen.

Joker's voice narrated their arrival.

"Hitting the relay in 3, 2, 1…" he said, and then a bright blue light filled the space.


	2. Prime

**Chapter 2: Prime**

Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams couldn't quite remember what happened last night. And her entire brain was killing her. She was sitting in the med clinic with her head in one of her hands.

"Are you ill, Chief?" Ash looked up to see Doctor Irina Stolya standing over her, smiling. Ash stood.

"You could say that." She said. "Wondering if you could give me one of those shots?"

The doctor laughed, her red ponytail shaking. "One of the hangover shots you mean?"

Ash felt embarrassed, and looked it. "Uh yeah," she said. Ash wasn't normally the type to get so hammered she couldn't see straight. But last night she'd been in a particularly foul mood.

Doctor Stolya grabbed a syringe gun, loaded it with a small vial, pushed it against Ashley's forearm and pulled the trigger. The quiet hiss of the medicine entering her system was soon followed by an almost complete alleviation of her headache and nausea. She sighed.

"Rough night?" The doctor asked.

"Something like that. Thanks doc."

"You're welcome."

Ash left the clinic and headed to the shower. She wished the drug would have done something to cheer her up. In the locker room, she undressed, wrapped a towel around herself and headed to one of the shoulder high stalls. She barely even noticed Corporal Roger Ndele in the stall next to her until he spoke.

"Who pissed in your breakfast?" He asked over the rush of water from the shower nozzle. Ash turned her water on as well and sighed as the hot liquid hit her face. Roger continued. "Man you were wasted late night at Tillery's. You celebrating something?"

Ash scoffed. "Hardly," she said.

"What's up, Chief?" Ndele asked.

"Transfer got denied…again." She said.

"Oh man. I know how much you wanted that. I'm sorry Ash."

"Eh it's no big deal I guess," She lied. Ashley had been trying to get transferred to a starship position for as long as she could remember, pretty much since she'd joined up with the Alliance seven years ago. Each time she put in for a transfer she hoped that it would be the one and each time she got a message from the brass saying that she was shit out of luck and better luck next time. They never gave a reason for it, but she knew exactly why. The Alliance was trying to keep her existence nice and quiet because of the black spot on her family name – a black spot that in her opinion they didn't even deserve.

"I don't get it," Ndele said.

"Get what?" Ash deadpanned as she shampooed her long dark hair.

"Why none of your requests go through. Swarvski got transferred to the Tokyo and he's borderline retarded."

"Thanks," Ash said annoyed.

"No what I mean is you're one of the best damn marines we have on this sleepy planet. Why him and not you?" He shook his head. "I just don't get it."

Ash sighed. "Bad luck I guess." She didn't like to talk about her grandfather, even with someone as friendly as Ndele. She didn't like anyone to know who she was. It was her shameful little secret and it was starting to wear on her. Sometimes she even considered giving up, quitting the Alliance and moving on to something where she could actually make a difference. But she knew she would never quit. Being a marine was something she felt like she was born to do. Even at a young age she'd felt drawn to it, probably because her father and grandfather served. It was simply in her blood. She didn't even know what else she _could_ do.

Ash finished her shower and got dressed. It was almost time for her patrol. She carefully tucked the small silver chain with a tiny silver cross on it under the shirt of her uniform. It was a gift from her mother years ago and Ash always wore it whenever she went out for an op. Ash could almost do her daily routine with her eyes closed: workout, shower, dress, put on armor, gather squad, patrol eastern perimeter for ten hours, return to barracks, remove armor, shower, dress, beers with the squad, sleep. It was the same every day. She didn't mind it really. She had a job to do and she would always do it 100%, but she knew that she was better than this. She deserved more than a groundside post.

The most excitement they'd had on Eden Prime in the four months that she'd been there was the unearthing of some ancient artifact. She didn't know the details. She just knew it was old and that it seemed important. More than once since they'd dug it up, Ash had wondered if the rest of her service would be spent guarding dusty old archeological finds. It wasn't that she craved action. She wasn't stupid. She knew the sobering reality of what happened when the fighting started. She just always felt like she should be doing more.

She entered the squad room to find her whole unit already prepped and present, laughing, making jokes. She was squad leader, something she was particularly proud of. It was more than her father had done. She knew she had a dominant streak, a propensity to call the shots and squad leader was perfectly suited to her aggressive personality. As per usual, she kept the briefing short and to the point.

"All right," she started. "We're headed 5 klicks east to patrol the perimeter. Stay on your guard, don't mess around and Kransky if I catch you lagging behind again I'm gonna shove my boot up your ass, got it?"

There was a chorus of hoots and hollers and laughs and Kransky saluted, smiled and said "You got it, chief."

"All right let's go," Ash commanded.

"You heard the chief!" Ndele barked. "Move it or lose it, grunts! Lots of gentle rolling hills and lush forest to protect!"

Ash smiled, rolled her eyes and walked past Ndele. "You're such an asshole."

"Just keeping things fresh, Chief."

"I appreciate it." They laughed and headed out. Ash knew her unit was just as bored with the monotony of their post as she was. The difference was that most of them didn't care. Most of the marines in the 212 groundside garrison were happy to be and stay there forever. They had their daily beat and their nightly revelry. Eden Prime was paradise, and most were happy to get stationed here if only for the nightlife. She knew for a fact that most of them had other plans after finishing their service. Ndele wanted to be a doctor, Bhatia wanted to open a restaurant, Higgins wanted to get married and have babies and so on and so on. Ash wanted to be a marine.

Ash's surface vehicle, the first of four grinding slowly over the terrain near the perimeter of the colony was cramped and the ride was bumpy as usual. Ndele, Marcus Drake, Greg Takinawa and herself could barely fit in it comfortably. Ndele drove.

"Damn," Drake said. "These shitty chairs make my ass numb."

"Quit whining," Takinawa said. "You want the Alliance to wipe your ass too?"

"With the cheap ass toilet paper we get, be happy your ass is numb." Ndele said.

Ash smiled. "Maybe if you didn't spent most of your time _on_ your ass it wouldn't go numb all the time," she quipped, prompting a chuckle from both Ndele and Takinawa.

"My ass is just fine, Chief. You keep talking like that and I'll –"

"Base Charlie to Sierra 1," The voice of Nirali Bhatia's thick Indian accent crackled over the radio, prompting Drake to shut up.

"Sierra 1, go 'head Charlie." Ash said into the radio.

"Got something on the sensors about half a kilometer from your location along the perimeter."

"Any transports coming through that we missed?" Ash asked.

"Negative. The signal is strange. Object is unidentified, over."

"Roger that Charlie. We'll check it out. Standby."

"Copy."

Ash touched her com. "You get that Sierra?"

"Copy that Chief," came Arnold Weng's voice from the transport behind her.

"Got you loud and clear," reported Dmitri Ivanoff.

"Bringing up the rear, Chief." Crackled Angela Danson.

Ash and the fourteen other marines in her unit made their way toward the unknown source of the signal.

"That's weird," Ndele said. "What do you think it is?"

"Probably just an unauthorized vehicle. We'll detain and scan for authentication." Ash said.

The far perimeter of the Eden Prime settlement was lush, green hills marked with large boulders and a few tree lines. Settlement hadn't spread to it just yet. It was peaceful and beautiful like the rest of Eden Prime, its untouched nature pristine and bountiful. Ash had often thought it would be nice to walk through it, if she wasn't already patrolling it almost every day. Not many people came out here and the ones who did had to have special permission. The convoy of surface vehicles made its way along the road that had been constructed through the tall grass and trees.

Ash could see something on the radar screen.

"Looks like it's just on the other side of the tree-line there," She pointed. She could see something, something big as they came around the bend.

Ndele stopped when he saw it. "What the hell is that?" he asked quietly.

"I don't know," Ash said. She stared at the giant silver thing lying in the road. It was orb-like. She touched her com. "Charlie, do you read?" No answer. "Charlie do you copy, this is Sierra 1, over." She looked at Ndele.

"Must be atmospheric interference or something," Drake said.

"Great. Piece of shit radios." Ash sighed. "Well let's check it out." She touched her com again. "Standby Sierra. Unidentified egg shaped object at about 30 yards we're gonna scan on foot, over."

"Copy that, Chief" said Weng.

Ash reached for the door handle to the transport Ndele grabbed her arm, hard. She turned to him, ready to curse at him but saw the look on his face.

"Chief," he said, his eyes focused on the object.

Ash turned her gaze to it and noticed it spring to life. It stood, or what she could have sworn was stood and appeared to have four legs and a long, silver front piece with large light on the top. Her stomach turned. Whatever it was, she had the sinking feeling it wasn't friendly. Her thoughts were cut off by Takinawa.

"What in the holy shit is that?" he asked. Ash touched her com again.

"Charlie!" Ash said. "Charlie do you read? Come in Charlie, this is Williams, Sierra we have a possible hostile armature device –"

"All units!" It was the command unit, loud in her earpiece. "All units return to base! All….-urn…ase!" The static was cutting them out. "Hostiles si…..-king everywhere!" Ndele was frantically tapping Ash now.

"Um Chief? Chief!"

"What?!"

"It's moving towards us."

Ash's brain clicked into action. "Drake!" she yelled.

"I'm on it." He climbed to the top of the vehicle to man the rocket launcher. "In position."

"Fire on it, Drake!"

Ash hit her com. "Sierra, fire in the hole! Offensive positions now! Weapons free! Let's move! Drake! Would you freaking fire that thing!"

"Turret's jammed!" Came Drake's voice.

"It's locking weapons!" Takinawa said.

"Shields!" Ash yelled. "Sierra offensive positions now!"

"Shields at 75%! It's targeting!"

The next second became a blur of smoke and flame and screams from inside Ash's vehicle. It took her a moment to realize that some of the screaming was hers. There was fire in the cabin. She only heard Ndele yelling in pain. Takinawa and Drake were silent.

"Get out!" she yelled.

"My leg!" Ndele screamed.

"Get out now!" Ash looked behind her at the clearly dead bodies of Takinawa and Drake. The shields had been up enough to keep the vehicle from being destroyed, but the fire had gotten in anyway and burned them alive. She realized her forearms, her right ribcage and leg felt severely burned under her armor as well.

Weng's vehicle was firing on the giant machine now. It targeted them. She grabbed Ndele.

"Come on!" she yelled. He screamed as she helped him from the vehicle. They fell hard onto the road below, smoke pouring out of the doorway. More screams from Ndele. "Get up!" she ordered. He did and she helped him to an area of cover. She touched her com again. "Charlie, do you copy? Charlie this is Sierra 1 over! We have hostile contact!"

"No shit, Sierra 1!" It was Bhatia's voice again. "We got hostiles all over the place! Unidentified synthetics! It's a damned bloodbath over here!" Ash was straining to hear over the gunfire from her convoy. "All units! All units return to base! The colony is under attack! I repeat….ny…..under attack!" Ash's stomach turned again at the thought. The colony was under attack. Civilians were under attack. Families. Children. Her thoughts were interrupted by Danson's surface vehicle erupting into a ball of flame and shooting skyward in a giant explosion. She realized the blast hadn't come from the original armature. It had come from the rear.

Ash poked her head out from cover, her assault rifle drawn. Weng's launcher had taken out the first armature and soon after the second was down, blasted in half by Ivanoff's transport. Smoke curled through the air, but the world was disturbingly quiet again. Ash coughed. Ndele groaned. She looked at him and saw that his face was also badly burned. He was in bad shape.

"Hang in there, Roger," she said. She got up, too quickly because she almost fell back down and walked to the other marines who had gotten out of the remaining two transports.

She swallowed and made an effort to compose herself. "Casualties?"

Erin Munson looked up at her from her sitting position. "Everyone in Danson's transport. Jolsik, Guttierez." Munson's arm was bleeding badly.

"Drake, Takinawa," Ash added. She looked around. Out of fifteen marines she'd headed out with that morning, five of them were left. The transports were mangled. They hadn't expected any trouble so the shields had taken too long to power up. Ash could feel the burns on her skin now. She wondered how bad they actually were. The fire had penetrated her armor somehow. She took a deep breath, realizing that what remained of her unit was staring at her, waiting for her command. She mentally slapped herself back into focus.

"We make for the colony on foot," she said. "Somebody help Ndele up. Let's move!" With that the five of them sprung into action. It was about 3 klicks back to the colony. "Ndele can you move?" She asked. He was finally up.

He nodded. "I'll live," he said, limping forward. Ash nodded at him.

"All right let's double time it! Stay frosty, check your blinds. Let's go."

Ash and the four other marines jogged, weapons drawn, eyes alert through the terrain of Eden Prime. Ash fought to stay focused, but she kept thinking about what they would find there. By the time the colony was in sight, Ash could see smoke rising from the buildings and several large drop ships firing from above.

"My god," Munson whispered. "It's a war zone."

Ash could feel her eyes start to burn with tears. She knew by the destruction before her that civilian casualties would be immeasurable. She blinked and turned to the marines.

"Let's hope they got off some sort of distress signal," she said. "In the meantime we're going in there. Let's round up some survivors and get them someplace safe. Check your targets! They could be friendlies."

The moved forward, cautiously, the colony approaching quickly on the horizon. By the time Ash felt the turning in her gut that told her something was wrong, it was too late. In a split second she watched Weng and Ndele get blasted. They fell, dead, their shields proving no match for the assaulting weapons.

"Take cover!" Ash yelled, but Munson and Ivanoff fell too. Ash dove behind a rock, desperate to avoid the fire from two assault drones. She could hear her breath in her helmet. They were machines, synthetics. Her brain quickly shot to generic knowledge from her training about the Geth. But it couldn't be. The Geth hadn't been seen in centuries. She peeked around the boulder and saw her fallen comrades. Her gut ached for them, and she was clearly at a disadvantage. She took a deep breath and right then decided that she was going to survive.

She knew she didn't have a chance where she was. Her cover was pretty bare and she was outnumbered. Her only chance was to run for it. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, said a little prayer and bolted out from behind her cover. She felt the ground explode next to her several times as shots barely missed her. She ran as hard as she could, not looking back, using cover when she could, putting as much between her and the drones as possible. She didn't dare stop to dig in anyplace. It would mean her death. More than once as she ran she felt indirect blows to her shields propelling her forward. Her heart was pounding in her ears, her sweat dripping into her eyes and her breathing was hard. Her muscles were shaking. She was tired. She ran forever, hoping, praying that she would stumble upon another unit that could help her.

As she approached the research camp she saw bodies scattered and burned. She also saw that she would be completely out of cover in about five seconds. This was it. She had to turn and fight. Otherwise she'd be a sitting duck. One more glancing blow off of her shields was enough to push her forward, launching her into a clumsy dive. She skidded across the dirt, turning quickly on her shoulder and raising her pistol. She aimed, fired and as luck and skill would have it, managed to hit both drones with a series of shots. They exploded in air, sending flaming parts flying towards her. She put her hand up to shield herself.

She heard a noise then like nothing she'd heard before, a mechanical series of noises that made her turn her head. What she saw made her eyes widen. Two armed, walking, moving, almost humanoid synthetics were no more than twenty yards away from her. They were…_talking_ to each other. She hadn't expected this. It took her a split second to realize they were holding a dead human body and another grotesque split second for her to realize he wasn't dead. Her stomach turned. She stood, weapon drawn, ready to fire on the enemy. She opened her mouth to yell, to save the man in their grasp but instead let out a small audible gasp as the man was impaled brutally on a large metal spike. She stood, frozen for a second, eyes wide, terrified, horrified. And then they spotted her.

"Oh shit," she whispered to herself. Her feet wouldn't move. "Fucking move!" she scolded herself through gritted teeth, snapping herself out of her frightened trance. She ran to the nearest rock she could find and hid. It was no use. They'd seen her. She was out of cover. She was outnumbered. It was over for her. She had no idea the enemy she was facing and it occurred to her then that she was probably going to die. She felt oddly calm then, as if resigning herself to it made it much less difficult. She took her assault rifle from her back, holding it in one hand, her pistol in the other. Her shots wouldn't be very accurate this way, but she had decided something.

If she was going to die, she was going to die fighting.

She growled, spun out from behind the rock and aimed her weapons at the approaching enemies. She fired, pummeling one with bullets. It went down. Next to it she could see the other one aim. This was it. She knew she could never re-aim and fire in time.

Luckily she didn't have to. A barrage of fire riddled the enemy before her and it fell to the ground. There was silence then. Ash quickly turned her attention to the two men coming toward her. They wore Alliance armor, but to Ash they might as well have been wearing angel wings. She knew they weren't part of the groundside garrison, which meant someone thankfully had put out the distress beacon and the Alliance had responded.

Ash doubled over, hands on her knees. She let out a deep breath and then laughed just slightly before taking a good look at the men approaching her. She could tell their ranks by their armor, a lieutenant and a commander. The commander was an N7, bringing her further comfort. N7 marines were good to have around in a tight spot. She stood and caught her breath.

"Holy shit, I could kiss you both," she said, not caring about her informal tone.

"Are you hurt?" asked the lieutenant from behind the helmet and visor that showed only his brown eyes.

She shook her head. "No sir. Nothing serious."

The commander spoke then and Ash's gaze turned to the blue eyes behind his visor. "What's your name?"

Despite their situation, Ash reflexively saluted. "Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams of the 212, sir."

The commander nodded. "Shepard." He gestured to the lieutenant. "Alenko." He looked back at her. "Give me a report, Williams." He said. His voice was commanding and authoritative. Its strength immediately soothed her nerves. For a second she thought she could tell why he was a commander. His very presence could keep a marine calm and focused.

She cleared her throat and spoke, trying to keep from racing through her tale. "Oh man," she started. "We were patrolling the perimeter when the attack hit. We tried to double back to the colony when we got the order, but we walked into an ambush." Her gut churned again as she thought of her unit. "I'm the only one who made it. I haven't seen anyone else but you."

Shepard nodded. "What kind of enemy are we facing?"

"I think they might be Geth," she said. Shepard glanced at Alenko. "All I know for sure is that they're hard to kill and they came in heavy and fast. Oh god all the colonists." She lost her focus a moment as flashes of burned bodies and smoking buildings hit her. "I'm the only one…," she nearly choked on her words, looking down. She felt like she'd failed them all. Shepard stepped toward her.

"Focus, Williams." he said sternly. He'd noticed her check out. Her head snapped back up and her eyes found his again. They stared her down, prompting her to pay attention and then she saw them soften ever so slightly for just a second. "Deal with it later, marine" he said, his voice softened with a tinge of compassion – enough to let her know he knew what she was going through, but not enough to make her break down.

She nodded. "Yes. Yes sir!"

"We need to find the beacon they dug up," Shepard said, his voice returning to normal.

"The…the beacon?" Ash was confused. How could that relic possibly be important? "The uh…it's…the beacon should be at the dig site. It's just over that ridge." She gestured.

"You fit to fight Williams?" Shepard asked.

"Hell yes sir." Ash's strength and vigor was suddenly renewed. She tasted adrenaline at the back of her throat. Her muscles were no longer tired. She no longer felt the pain of her injuries and she felt the fire in her belly rising up. She suddenly wanted nothing more than to obliterate some synthetics.

"Move out," Shepard said.

It took only moments to get to the dig site. The area was eerily silent. Ash could hear her footsteps and that was about it. As they approached the location she could see that the beacon was clearly not where she'd last seen it.

"Dammit," she said. "It's not here. It must have been moved."

"Where would they have moved it?" Alenko asked.

Ash shrugged. "I don't know for sure. Maybe the spaceport. There's a tram just up the hill."

"All right let's go." Shepard said.

As they reached the top of the hill, Ash heard Alenko's voice.

"Woah!" he said. "What the hell?" Ash followed his gaze to an enormous, gnarled, insect-like ship slowly ascending on the horizon. Her mouth fell open. No one said anything. They stared as it lifted, turned and moved off into the distance.

"That's….new," Shepard said calmly. "We need to get to that spaceport now."

"Right behind you, sir" Ash said.

The three marines approached the tram platform in formation.

"Sir!" Ash exclaimed, unable to help herself when she saw the sight before her.

"Oh god," Alenko muttered under his breath.

Before them stood several giant metal spikes, each piercing the torso of a corpse. Ash shuddered involuntarily as she remembered watching it happen to the other man earlier. She was reminded of a high school history class she had where they'd talked about Vlad the Impaler. The scene before them reminded her of the horrific ways he used to display his enemies' bodies.

Upon further inspection, Ash realized they were not human bodies at all. They appeared charred, disfigured, and some sort of power current seemed to be running through them.

"What the hell did they do to them?" she whispered, mostly to herself. She jumped as the one she was looking at moved.

"They're still alive?" Alenko asked, clearly as horrified as Ash. She looked at him and then a shriek of metal pierced her ears. When she looked back, the spikes were gone, but now the creatures from the top of them were standing on their own and turning to face Ash, Alenko and Shepard.

"Take 'em out," Shepard said calmly. They opened fire as the creatures, gurgling half human screams came running toward them full speed. When they were all down, Shepard stood over one. Ash could see his wrinkled brow as he tried to figure it out. "Come on," he said.

On the platform for the tram lay a dead Turian. They approached him.

"Commander," Alenko said. "It's Nihlus."

Ash looked at Alenko, then back to the Turian. "A Turian. You know him?" Ash had only ever seen a handful of Turians in her life. She'd never actually talked to one. She knew that technically they were allies to the Alliance, but Ash still had her doubts. And now she had plenty of questions she would need to ask the commander later if they ever got out of this alive. Clearly this had not been a rescue operation. That was clear from Shepard's immediate insistence that they find the beacon. Something big was going on. Ash suddenly felt a little overwhelmed and under-prepared. She started at a soft noise a few feet away.

"Something's moving!" she said. "Behind those crates!" They all pointed their weapons simultaneously toward the noise.

"Don't kill me!" said a terrified voice.

"Come out of there," Shepard ordered. The man emerged, hands up. Shepard lowered his weapon, prompting Ash and Alenko to do the same. "You almost got yourself killed."

"I –"

"What happened here?" Shepard cut him off. He gestured to Nihlus' body.

"Uh…he…the other one shot him." The man said. His arms were still up even though no weapons were pointed at him.

"What other one?" Shepard asked.

"The other Turian. They seemed to know each other. Called each other by name. The other was called Saren I think."

"You think?" Shepard asked. "This is a council SpecTRe, so think real hard." Shepard's voice was commanding, but he clearly wasn't trying to intimidate the traumatized man.

Ash looked at Nihlus' body again. A SpecTRe. This was way bigger than she'd thought.

The man nodded frantically. "Yes. Yes! I'm sure. His name was Saren. Your friend there let his guard down. Saren shot him right in the back." The man finally put his hands down.

Ash looked at Shepard. Even with the helmet she could tell his jaw was clenched in frustration.

"Stay out of sight," Shepard told him. "You're gonna be fine. Rescue crews are on their way."

The man nodded and ducked back beneath the boxes.

When Shepard, Ash and Alenko were on the tram, Ash finally couldn't take it any longer.

"Sir," she asked. "What is going on here? Do you know something about why they attacked us?"

Shepard nodded as the tram revved up and began to move quickly to the spaceport.

"We came for the beacon. It's extremely valuable." Shepard shook his head. "We knew there was a chance someone would make a play for it, but we never expected Geth." He sighed. "We weren't expecting any of this."

"So they are Geth." Ash said, but she would have to get the answers later. The tram was coming to a halt and they were drawing their weapons again.

Ash flinched as a round of fire hit the beam next to her, causing sparks to fly.

"Move!" Shepard yelled and the three of them made their way from cover to cover.

Ash was surprised at how quickly they took the wave of enemies down. Then again, Shepard was elite and Ash supposed that if Alenko was with him, he was probably no slouch either. She'd already seen an impressive display of biotics from the lieutenant. She'd never seen a human biotic before. Ash was seeing a lot of things for the first time today.

When all their targets were down, Shepard gave a hand signal and they fanned out and swept the area.

"Yikes," Alenko said quietly. Ash and Shepard moved to his location. There, in a corner was the biggest explosive device Ash had ever seen.

"Alenko?" Shepard said.

"Yeah." Alenko said as he crouched and his omni-tool hummed to life.

"That's a big bomb," Ash said.

"That's an understatement," Kaidan sighed, clearly concentrating on the device.

"Can you diffuse it?" Ash asked.

Alenko let out a sarcastic chortle. "I guess we'll find out in…" he looked at the timer. "about three minutes."

"Or ten seconds if you blow it," Ash scolded herself. "No offense, sir."

"None taken." He was barely paying attention to her anyway, focused completely on the bomb.

Ash didn't even notice that she was backing away from the device slowly until she bumped into Shepard.

"Sorry sir." _Get it together Williams!_ She thought to herself.

"Don't worry about taking cover." Shepard said. "If this thing blows it's taking half the colony with it." He said it with the same tone of voice as if he'd been telling her it was a nice day outside. She watched him as he watched Alenko. He didn't look nervous at all. She practically jumped again when she heard a series of beeps from the bomb.

"Got it," Alenko said.

Only then did Ash see Shepard let out a deep relieved breath. He'd been far more nervous than what showed. She reminded herself to be more like that.

They descended a set of stairs, weapons still out and at the bottom, on a large platform was the beacon that had been unearthed a short while ago. Ash recognized it.

"There," she said and pointed. It glowed an odd ghostly green as they approached. She stared, walking toward it. Behind her she could hear Shepard on his com reporting that the beacon was secure. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Alenko approach Shepard. The beacon was absolutely fascinating. She walked closer. "It wasn't doing anything like this when they dug it up," she said thoughtfully. She started to wonder about where it came from when she felt a dull jolt course through her body.

The world spun before her. Her head was swimming. She felt off balance, felt her body vibrating and being pulled in all directions. She couldn't speak, couldn't move, couldn't think. For a moment her vision blurred and she got the sensation of floating. Her head throbbed. She felt as if her mind was being violated.

The next thing she knew she'd hit the ground hard, wrenching her shoulder. Her vision focused as Alenko came into her line of sight. She thought she heard him ask if she was all right, but everything seemed slow. She shook her head, trying to escape the feeling and when she looked up again she was shocked to see Shepard suspended in mid air in front of the beacon.

She gathered that he'd pushed her out of the way. _Oh God_, she thought. _What have I done?_ She climbed to her knees in an attempt to get up.

"Shepard!" she yelled, but she was grabbed from behind by Alenko.

"No don't!" he barked, holding her there. She almost fought with him until she realized there was nothing she could do. She watched helplessly as the commander's body jerked and flinched. She felt like a fool. Worse, she knew that whatever was happening to him was not pleasant in the least.

Just when she thought she couldn't take watching anymore, the beacon exploded, sending Shepard's body backward and downward with the blast. He hit hard, the sound of his armor producing a dull, dead clank on the metal platform below him. He didn't move.

In a panic, Ash wiggled away from a surprised and confused Alenko and ran to Shepard. Her heart raced as she removed his helmet as gently as she possibly could. She would never forgive herself if he was dead. Behind her, she heard Alenko on the com, ordering their extraction.

As she looked at his face, she realized he was breathing and she sighed with relief. Alenko knelt then, removed one of his gloves and felt for a pulse.

"Pulse is strong, but irregular." He opened one of Shepard's eyes, then the other. "Pupils dilated but eyes are clear. Doesn't appear to be any trauma. Normandy's picking us up in two minutes. We have to move him."

Ash looked at him. "You're a medic?"

"Yup," Alenko said as he stood and positioned himself to lift Shepard. Ash hopped up to grab the commander's legs. "I got all kinds of tricks," Alenko grunted as they hoisted Shepard off the ground.

Almost fifteen hours.

Shepard had been out for almost fifteen hours since Ash and Alenko had brought him back aboard the Normandy. He still wasn't awake.

During those fifteen hours on the starship, Williams had kept busy. She got checked out by the ship's doctor, who treated her burns and scrapes. She met Captain Anderson, who informed her she'd been reassigned to the Normandy based on a recommendation by Lt. Alenko. She thanked Alenko, who she noticed had a kind smile once his helmet was off. She sent a burst to her mother and sisters, assuring them she had survived the attack. She met the crew, who all welcomed her nicely enough, even if they were understandably somber. She was apparently replacing a Corporal named Jenkins who was killed in action on Eden Prime before she'd met up with Shepard and Alenko. She'd managed to get in a shower, during which she'd wanted to cry, but just couldn't. She supposed she was still in shock. She'd forced herself to eat, but she knew she probably wouldn't sleep for awhile. The images from Eden Prime were fresh in her mind. She could still smell the charred flesh of the colonists.

In theory, Ash finally had what she'd been wanting her whole career. She was now officially serving on the finest starship the fleet had to offer. A small part of her was happy, and the rest of her felt the crushing weight of guilt.

She stared at Shepard as Dr. Chakwas changed a couple of her bandages. He was on one of the beds, lying still. Small sensors had been placed on his forehead, bare chest and arms by the doctor. Chakwas noticed the look on Ash's face.

"The Commander is pretty durable, Williams. Don't look so dire." Chakwas' British dialect and tone of voice were oddly soothing to Ash.

Ash shook her head. "I just keep thinking if I hadn't wandered toward that beacon like an idiot…" she trailed off.

"Don't beat yourself up," came a weak and groggy voice from Shepard's bed. Ash's heart actually leapt. She felt it. She could have sworn that it literally jumped up and down with joy in her chest. Both she and Dr. Chakwas shot up and moved toward him. He was stirring and slowly moving to a sitting position. His face was contorted in a painful grimace for a moment and he quickly removed the sensors as soon as he sat up. For some reason, Ash got the feeling Shepard wasn't a very good patient.

"You had us worried, Commander" Chakwas said. "How are you feeling?"

Shepard paused. "Just a headache," he finally said. "How long was I out?"

"Almost fifteen hours." Chakwas replied. "Something happened with the beacon."

Ash couldn't contain herself any longer. "It was my fault. I got careless. If you hadn't needed to push me out of the way-"

"Relax, Williams," Shepard said. "You couldn't know what would happen. It's okay." Shepard removed the sheet and stood up next to the bed in his boxer briefs. He cracked his neck. Feeling much better that he didn't blame her for his condition, Ash allowed herself a millisecond to be impressed by how attractive Shepard was. She couldn't help herself. When he'd stood, the effect of his handsome face, six feet frame, perfectly toned arms, chest and abs combined with his lack of clothing had slapped her in the face unexpectedly. She suddenly felt a little awkward. Out of respect, she made a conscious decision not to let her gaze fall below his neck again.

Chakwas sighed. "You should rest, Commander."

"I just did for fifteen hours." Ash almost smiled. She was right. He wasn't a good patient. He seemed more like a little boy who just wanted to go out to play no matter how sick he was.

"Not exactly," Chakwas said, her voice full of exasperation. "You exhibited an almost constant state of rapid eye movement associated with intense dreaming and your brain waves were incredibly strange. It's not exactly the most restful sleep."

"I did have dreams," Shepard said. He appeared to be thinking. "Or nightmares."

"Hm," Chakwas pondered. 'I'll add it to my report. It may - Oh. Captain Anderson."

Ash hadn't even noticed Anderson's arrival to the med bay. She quickly stood up straight.

"How's our XO?" he asked, his deep voice contained genuine concern.

"Minor throbbing. Nothing serious." Shepard dismissed.

"Good," Anderson replied. He looked at Chakwas and Ash. "I need to speak with the commander privately," he said.

Ash saluted. "Yes sir," she said and followed Chakwas out.

When Ash reached the mess hall she paused. She wanted to talk to Shepard. She hadn't had a chance to properly thank him for saving her life. She also considered apologizing again. She sat and waited for Anderson or the Commander to emerge from the med bay.

She didn't have to wait long. After a few minutes Anderson exited, nodded at her and strode through the room. A few seconds after, Shepard followed. He walked right up to her.

"I'm glad you're okay, Commander" she said. "Losing Jenkins was hard enough on the crew."

Shepard nodded. "Jenkins was a good marine." He looked at her face, appeared to be trying to read it. "Anderson tells me you've been reassigned to the Normandy."

"Yes sir," she said. A wave of irrational insecurity hit her. Almost immediately she expected him to say something about her grandfather and why he didn't want her aboard the ship.

"Welcome aboard," was all he said and all her alarms stopped screaming.

"Thank you sir." She looked him in the eye. "I wanted to thank you for saving my life. I would have been dead if you and Alenko hadn't shown up."

He shook his head. "Don't mention it." He raised an eyebrow. "Besides it looked like you were doing just fine on your own."

She smiled thinly. He continued.

"Look I know things were pretty ugly down there," he said. "You holdin' up?"

Truthfully she didn't know if she was. "Yes sir," she answered confidently. "I'm really looking forward to serving here," she added.

Shepard smiled just slightly. "I get the feeling you won't disappoint me, Williams. We'll talk later at the debrief." And with that he turned and strode off with a purpose.

Ash's entire world had been turned on its ear in the past few hours. She would need to adjust and adapt quickly and she knew she needed to bring her A game to the Normandy, to the captain, and to Shepard.

She mad a silent promise to herself then. She _wouldn't_ disappoint.


	3. The SpecTRe

**Chapter 3: The SpecTRe**

Steam filled the small shower stall occupied by John Shepard. Eyes closed, head bent forward, he let the hot water soothe the back of his neck. His headache was gone now, but the images from the beacon were still burned into his brain. He felt like his mind had been broken into, that someone had gotten access to it without his permission. He felt altered, as if someone had gone into his head and rearranged furniture. It was frustrating him, trying to piece together what he'd seen. His efforts to do so simply resulted in more confusion. Flashes of terrible images kept repeating over and over. Death, war, genocide, and extreme violence. The pictures assaulted his brain. He wanted to erase them, but he was terrified he would forget them. They were important. Or at least he thought they were. Worse, the images were jumbled with other images, images of Akuze, images he had long since tried to forget.

Everything was a giant snafu at the moment. The mission had ended with one SpecTRe killing another. Anderson was not pleased, though he also expressed that he knew it hadn't been Shepard's fault. Still, Shepard couldn't help feeling that somewhere, someone along the line had dropped the ball somehow. The council would not like hearing that Saren was responsible. Anderson had informed Shepard that he was their top agent. And he was working with the Geth. Something big was happening, and Eden Prime was just the start of it. A momentary rage flared in Shepard as he thought of Saren. He wondered how a sworn protector of the galaxy could make the jump to traitorous genocidal maniac. Or perhaps he was no maniac at all. Shepard wouldn't underestimate him.

As he dressed he thought of the moments before the beacon. It was coming back to him. He vaguely remembered now pulling Williams away from it. She had been struggling against some sort of pull she couldn't get out of. But he remembered nothing after that – nothing until he'd woken up about thirty minutes ago. It was clear Williams had felt unnecessarily guilty about what had happened to him. He suspected her guilt had actually resulted more from her very survival than from the beacon itself. It was a feeling he was familiar with.

He would need to speak with Williams more. He knew next to nothing about her or her service record or whether or not she was qualified to serve on the Normandy. But he trusted his lieutenant's judgment, and Alenko seemed to think she was capable enough. Based on her skill in combat on Eden Prime, Shepard had to agree. He had learned to trust his gut when it came to marines.

He left his quarters and made his way up to the bridge. They would be close to the Citadel now. Along the way, in passing several crew members expressed their relief in seeing he was feeling better. He found Alenko in the hallway near the bridge. He was listening intently to Specialist Lisa Wesson as she gave him a systems report. Alenko turned to Shepard.

"Commander," he said. "How are you feeling?"

Shepard nodded. "A little like the morning after shore leave, but nothing too serious. Can I get a minute?"

"Of course." Kaidan turned to Wesson. "I'll check back," he said. He turned back to Shepard and the two of them walked a little as they spoke.

"I noticed you put Williams on the roster."

"Yes sir." Kaidan nodded, sounding confident.

"I don't have time to look at her file now, but give me the run-down."

Kaidan shrugged. "Twenty-five years old, joined up at eighteen, trained in Macapa. Near perfect technical scores, a dozen pats on the back from her superiors who all describe her as focused, committed, and intelligent. Mostly groundside posts up until now, but she's ZG certified."

"Did you get into her psych profile at all?"

"Yes sir. Stable and functioning. Nothing of note really. I was concerned with her lack of space time, but she seems pretty tough."

Shepard thought for a moment. "You've had a chance to chat with her personally?"

Kaidan nodded. "A little."

"What's your take on her? Off the record." Shepard liked to know the crew he was working with both professionally and personally. It helped him trust his instincts when it came to their behavior and their work.

Kaidan smiled. "I'll go on the record to say I like her."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. She's got a quick wit, she's smart, even managed to have a sense of humor after what she's been through. My first impression of her is a positive one anyway. Of course it doesn't hurt that she's easy on the eyes."

"You better watch that, Lieutenant," he said even though he agreed.

"Sorry, sir. I thought it was off the record," Kaidan seemed a little amused, but also a little embarrassed.

"Thanks Kaidan." Shepard turned to walk away but Kaidan stopped him with his next statement.

"She seemed awfully worried about you, sir." Kaidan said. "I don't know if you've gotten a chance to talk to her, but I know she feels real bad about what happened to you."

Shepard nodded. "I spoke with her briefly. I don't think that's what's really bothering her."

Kaidan sighed. "Survivor's guilt."

"Yeah." Shepard looked down. Shepard knew all too well the darkness that came with that baggage. "Keep an eye on her. Make sure she doesn't get distracted."

"Aye aye Commander."

"Carry on, Lieutenant."

Shepard walked onto the bridge. Joker turned to greet him.

"Hey Commander," he said. "Good to see you up and around. You're just in time. I was just about to bring this baby into the Citadel. See all that taxpayer money at work."

Shepard watched out the viewport as Joker spoke to the traffic controller. As they approached the Citadel Shepard couldn't help but be impressed. It was huge. He'd never seen anything like it before. In all his years serving with the Alliance, Shepard had never been to the Citadel. Most of his assignments kept him in the rougher, dirty areas of the galaxy, dealing with slavers, mercs and drug dealers. He'd seen vids and pictures of it, but nothing could do its massive size and scope justice.

A lot had happened in the last 24 hours. Anderson had told him they'd be meeting with Ambassador Udina, who was for all intents and purposes the most important human man in the galaxy. He was humanity's link to the council. Shepard didn't have a whole lot of experience dealing with politicians, but he supposed he'd better learn fast. He hadn't actually met Udina before now even though Shepard had been part of the decision making process about who got assigned to the Normandy. Anderson was taking Shepard, Kaidan and Williams with him to meet with Udina in about five minutes.

**

Ash was struggling to pay attention amidst the grand beauty that was the Presidium. She was keeping up her appearance as a marine, but she really just wanted to let her jaw drop and express her awe at the Citadel. A day ago she never would have imagined being at the heart of all galactic civilization. It was a little overwhelming. Everything was a little overwhelming right now. She kept reminding herself to keep her cool, do her job and try not to say anything stupid.

Next to Udina stood the three holographic images of the Council, and next to them, the holographic image of Saren. Ash stared at the image of Saren as he stood silent and unmoving. He looked smug and confident. Worse, he had every reason to be. The Council expressed the requisite amount of concern and regret over the loss of lives and the attack in general, but they wanted to hear nothing of Saren and his treachery. As a matter of protocol, Citadel security had launched an investigation into Saren as soon as the report had come back, but Ash could tell by the look on Shepard's face, he knew it had turned up nothing. It was an exercise. Ash watched Shepard for most of the conversation. He waited patiently, and Ash could see he was doing all he could to contain his frustration. His strong jaw had clenched and his blue eyes were intense as they rested on Saren, but aside from that he showed no outward signs of anything but professionalism. His body was relaxed under his casual Alliance uniform, and the muscles in his arms were not tense. She caught herself as she realized she'd looked at him for a bit too long, but she couldn't help it really. She found Shepard and his career interesting and impressive.

"Citadel Security is handling the investigation," The asari council member said.

"They will turn up nothing," Ambassador Udina argued.

"There is nothing to turn up!" Saren's voice cut through the room angrily. Ash felt a small shiver course through her. His voice was cold and it occurred to her that the man responsible for the massacre of Eden Prime stood directly in front of her. If he had actually been there in the flesh Ash would have done unspeakable acts of violence to him. She felt her gut churn as she looked at him. His very existence made her sick to her stomach as he continued to speak.

"I am appalled by these allegations," he said coolly. "Nihlus was a fellow SpecTRe, and a friend."

"That just let you catch him off guard," Anderson barked curtly. He had also, apparently barely been containing his anger.

Saren turned his head in Anderson's direction. "Captain Anderson," he spit as if the name were a curse word. "Still trying to take me down I see. I should have known you were at the heart of these ridiculous accusations." He turned his attention to Shepard. "And this must be your protégé, Commander Shepard." Shepard continued to stare down the hologram. "I read the mission reports from Eden Prime. I was unimpressed. But what can you expect from a human?" Ash could almost feel Shepard tense up. "I don't think for one moment you humans are ready to join the SpecTRes."

Ash looked at Shepard. She'd heard that the Alliance wanted to get a human SpecTRe accepted into the ranks, but she hadn't known she'd be serving under their prime candidate. Udina stepped forward.

"That's not his decision!" Udina growled. He was losing his cool. "He has no right to make that decision!"

"Calm yourselves!" The turian councilor yelled. "Commander Shepard's admittance into the SpecTRes is not the purpose of this meeting!"

"This meeting has no purpose!" Saren growled. "If you have evidence against me I suggest you present it!"

Anderson stepped forward. "There's still the matter of Shepard's vision on Eden Prime." Ash could tell he was really stretching at this point. He was desperate.

"Are we allowing dreams into evidence now?" Saren said sarcastically.

"Enough!" Said the salarian councilor. Then he looked at the other council holograms and they all nodded.

The asari spoke. "The council finds that there is no sufficient evidence linking Saren to the Geth. As such, this meeting is adjourned." Shepard closed his eyes momentarily, an inward cursing of the state of current events. Ash thought of her pistol at her side and had a momentary fantasy of riddling the entire Council and Saren with slugs.

"Thank you councilors," Saren hissed. "I'm glad to see justice has been served."

"Thank you for your time, Saren," said the turian councilor. With that, all four holograms disappeared.

Udina turned to Anderson. "This is quite a mess, Captain," he said.

"Indeed it is, Ambassador." The Captain responded. Ash thought he heard a little annoyance in Anderson's voice and she could guess there was no real love lost between them. She wondered what the story was there. And she wondered what the story with Anderson and Saren was. The tension in the room was thick.

The Ambassador sighed. "Eden Prime is a smoking crater, Nihlus is dead and you let the beacon get destroyed."

"We didn't 'let' anything happen, sir" Shepard finally piped up. "Saren is dangerous. If the Lieutenant hadn't disabled the nuke he'd left there the entire colony would be gone. We can't let him get away with this!"

"Settle down, Shepard" Udina scolded. "You've already done enough to jeopardize your chances with the SpecTRes. Keep your head."

Ash's anger suddenly boiled inside of her as she looked at Udina. She wanted to punch him in the face for no other reason that the Council hadn't listened to him. He hadn't done his job. She wanted to scream at the Council, to tell them about the horror that she had just witnessed on Eden Prime. But she knew they wouldn't care. They didn't give a shit about humans. Ash took a breath to calm down. Letting her temper get the better of her was never a good idea.

The Ambassador sighed. "I have work to do trying to sort out this mess. And unless you can find something concrete on Saren, don't bother me again. Until then, get out of my office."

Shepard, Anderson, Kaidan and Williams walked out of Udina's office. Shepard turned to Anderson.

"Sir there's got to be something we can do." His voice was low.

"My hands are tied, Shepard." Ash could hear the frustration in Anderson's voice. "Without any evidence, the council will dismiss this entirely."

"What about the dock worker?" Ash finally said. "He used Saren's name. That's got to count for something."

Anderson's brow furrowed. "I know. But the testimony of one traumatized dock worker simply wasn't enough."

"What about C-sec?" Kaidan asked. "They were investigating. Maybe we should talk to them."

"You can't just walk into C-sec and demand evidence. It's not how it works," Anderson said. "And besides, the investigation is officially closed. There's no way anyone will even speak to you about it." He looked thoughtful for a moment. Then he sighed. "I have a contact that may be able to tell who the lead investigator was."

"Who is it?" Shepard asked.

Anderson seemed hesitant. "Name's Harkin. He's human, C-Sec, but last I heard he'd been suspended for drinking on the job."

Ashley scoffed. "Maybe he's just pissed at them enough to give us a name."

Shepard nodded at Williams. "It's worth looking into," he said. She noticed the scar in his hairline then, wondered what it was from.

Anderson paused, and then nodded. "I don't know how much use he'll be, but it's worth a shot. You'll probably find him in Chora's Den, a dingy little strip bar in the wards. He almost never leaves it."

Shepard nodded. "We'll start there."

Anderson growled in exasperation. "I have to go smooth things over with Udina." he said. He walked off.

"So," Kaidan said. "I guess let's hit the gentlemen's club." They started walking.

"Yeah I bet we won't find a single gentleman there," Ash said. She saw the corner of Shepard's mouth turn up at her comment in a cute smile.

**

Kaidan had never been a big fan of strip clubs. He'd been a few times, usually with a group of marines that were mostly there for the booze and the whole "pack bonding" thing. He'd always noticed the guys that were there by themselves and it always made him suspicious. It was one thing to get rowdy with a bunch of guys in the spirit of having fun. It was another thing entirely for creepy perverts to go on their own and leer silently from a corner. Come to think of it, Kaidan realized he probably always paid far more attention to the lone patrons than he did to the dancers. He tended to be protective of women in general. He supposed it was the big brother in him.

Chora's Den looked exactly like any of the other clubs on Earth aside from the large amount of asari dancers. It was dimly lit and sexy electronic music pounded. It was early, but it was still packed. The concept of time on any space station was always skewed. Kaidan knew it was probably no different here.

As they entered, Shepard in the lead, Kaidan took in the crowd. He noticed the human and asari dancers, topless spinning on poles on the elevated stage. Some were giving lap dances in the corner. All of them were beautiful. As they passed a table of human men, Kaidan noticed every one of their eyes find their way to Williams' backside as she passed. They weren't subtle about it, but she didn't notice. When one of them raised his head he locked on Kaidan's narrow-eyed glare and quickly looked away.

As they moved through the crowd, Kaidan watched Shepard do a slow double take, then continue on as if he'd seen nothing. Kaidan found the source of Shepard's momentary interest. Two topless dancers, one human, one asari were kissing and groping each other against the wall. Kaidan was momentarily transfixed until he bumped into the back of Williams.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

Ash turned to him, glanced at the two kissing women and then she looked back at him with a smirk. "Put your tongue back in your mouth LT," she said. "Before you trip on it." She playfully patted his shoulder and walked on, leaving Kaidan feeling just a little embarrassed.

Shepard had stopped. He was looking at something. Kaidan walked up next to him and looked as well. Two krogan appeared to be arguing. Kaidan couldn't hear what they were saying, but things looked like they were getting pretty intense. Kaidan knew he was thinking the same thing Shepard was thinking: Two krogan having a disagreement could turn real ugly real fast and it was best to pay attention in case the bullets started flying. Luckily, the larger krogan seemed to relent, dismissing the other. Then he walked straight toward Shepard.

"Out of my way, humans. I have no quarrel with you." The krogan boomed. He strode off and Kaidan and Shepard glanced at each other.

"What was that about?" Ash asked. It occurred to Kaidan that Ash probably didn't have a lot of experience dealing with aliens. Kaidan just looked at her and shrugged.

"There's our guy," Shepard said. Kaidan looked in the direction of Shepard's gaze. A middle aged man in a C-sec uniform sat by himself at a table, drink in hand.

As they approached, the man looked up from his drink. He looked drunk, a permanent scowl on his face. Kaidan thought he was probably younger than he looked.

"You Harkin?" Shepard asked. Harkin smiled. It looked painful. Then he took a sip from his drink.

"Yeah." He simply said. "What can I do for the Alliance today?" He practically slurred.

"We're looking for some information." Shepard said. Harkin's eyes moved to Ashley and he smiled, showing yellow, smoke stained teeth.

"Hey, beautiful. Why don't you bring that tight little ass over here and give me a lil' lap dance huh?" He burped and glanced up and down the length of Ash's body.

"I'd rather gargle with acid," she said simply and quickly. His comment hadn't seemed to phase her. Harkin laughed again.

"You must be from Anderson's crew" Harkin said. The contempt in his voice was unmistakable. Shepard stepped forward.

"We're hoping you can tell us who was in charge of the investigation into a turian named Saren." Shepard said.

Harkin burped again, his eyes were bleary. He was more drunk than Kaidan had initially thought. He looked at Ashley again. "I coulda been Alliance."

"Yeah that's great," Shepard was clearly losing his patience. "A name, Harkin?"

Harkin licked his lips and looked at Ash again. "It's a tragedy those pretty little perkies are hidden by that uniform, princess." Kaidan instinctively got his hackles up. He couldn't help it. He couldn't abide anyone speaking to a woman that way, even if it was a woman who might be able to kill him with her bare hands.

"Call me princess again," she said quickly. "And you'll be picking your teeth up of the floor," Her eyes were cold on Harkin's and Kaidan couldn't tell if Harkin was nervous or turned on.

"I asked you a question, Harkin." Shepard said sternly. He and Kaidan had both had enough. Shepard leaned on the table. "Who was investigating Saren?"

Harkin straightened up. "All right all right." He said defensively. "Some turian named Garrus Vakarian."

"Where is he?" Shepard was exasperated.

"I dunno. He was sniffin' around Dr. Michel's office. Now leamealone."

"Great. Thanks." Shepard said quickly. They all turned and walked toward the exit.

"Asshole," Kaidan heard Ash mumble under her breath as she walked.

Kaidan smiled as they walked out. "Shake it off chief." He said and patted her shoulder.

**

Ash was still annoyed at Harkin as they walked out. She noticed that she was a little more agitated than she normally would have been. Stress, she thought. It had almost let him get to her. Another second before Shepard spoke up and she might have actually smashed Harkin's face on the table. But that wouldn't have gotten them anywhere. They were headed to the med clinic now, wherever that was, on what was hopefully not a wild goose chase.

They climbed into the rapid transit car. She watched as the people, buildings and lights of the Citadel flashed past the window of the small car. Kaidan sat next to her. Shepard sat across from her. She crossed her arms and looked at Shepard. He was staring at the floor, deep in thought. She noticed the lines on his face in the passing light. His blue eyes looked troubled, like tranquil pools of water that held a storm under the surface. She just watched him. He sat forward with his elbow on his knees. She noticed a scar just next to his left eye, then a couple smaller ones on his chin, nose, and jaw line. He'd seen the wrong side of a fight more than once, she thought. He finally seemed to be finished with his thought and he sat up as they pulled into their destination.

"Let's see what the doc can tell us," he said as he exited the car.

As they approached the med clinic Ash noticed the door slightly ajar. She wouldn't have thought twice about it except then from inside the clinic there was the sound of glass smashing on the floor and the loud gasp and whimper of a woman.

"I didn't tell him anything!" Said the woman's trembling voice.

All three marines instinctively pulled their side-arms from their hips. Shepard peeked through the small space in the door frame. He held up two fingers to Kaidan and Ash, signaling that there were two hostiles inside. Ash nodded her understanding. So did Kaidan. And then Shepard opened the door and stepped through. Ash and Kaidan fanned out on either side of him.

One of the thugs spotted them as soon as they entered and grabbed the red headed woman next to him by her hair. She yelped through her tears as he brought the barrel of his gun to the side of her head.

"Let 'er go," Shepard commanded, his voice loud and forceful. Ash already had her gun aimed at the other man, who was bringing his weapon up.

"Drop it!" Ash scolded, stepping toward him.

"Who the hell are you?" The man holding the crying woman demanded. Shepard didn't get a chance to answer. In an instant, out of the corner of her eye, Ash saw a turian step out from behind a corner quickly and fire at the man. The man made no sound as blood sprayed from the side of his neck where the bullet exited. The woman screamed and her captor fell to the ground. Ash reacted quickly, stepping toward the other man, who was now aiming his weapon at the turian.

"Put it down now!" She yelled. The man turned to fire on her and she squeezed the trigger, hitting him in the shoulder and sending him spinning, grimacing to the ground. It occurred to her that she and her comrades weren't wearing their armor, not even bulletproof vests. There was no reason to think there would be any firefights on the Citadel, and yet here they were.

"Drop your weapon!" Ash heard Shepard yell at the turian. The man she'd shot was writhing on the floor in pain. The turian didn't drop his weapon, but he did put his hands up.

"Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security" he said calmly. He placed his weapon back in its holster as Shepard lowered his gun. Kaidan had made his way to the downed thug and was looking at his shoulder.

"Shepard, Alliance Navy." Shepard said. "Alenko?"

"Clean shot, straight through the shoulder muscle, barely even bleeding" Alenko answered. "He's fine."

The man grunted a pained "you bitch" in Ash's general direction as Alenko turned him over and used his omni-tool to deposit a pair of kinetic cuffs on the man.

Shepard turned to look at Ash. "Nice shot," he smiled slightly, looking just a little impressed. It was then Ash noticed the way that Shepard smiled. The corners of his mouth turned up almost unnoticeably, almost not at all, but his eyes showed it. It was subtle, the smile of a serious man who rarely let his cool demeanor crack.

"Thanks," she responded, unable to stop herself from forming a small smile of her own.

"Perfect timing, Shepard" Garrus said as he helped the still shocked woman to her feet. "You gave me a clear shot of that dirt bag." Garrus looked down at the woman warmly. "Dr. Michel, are you hurt?"

The doctor shook her head. "No," She said. "No I'm fine. Thank you." Garrus still supported her small trembling frame.

Just then three C-Sec officers came into the room, guns drawn. "C-Sec! Let me see your hands!" said the human man entering first. He was followed by a turian and an asari. Even with all the excitement, Ash couldn't help but take a moment realize again where she was and what was happening.

Garrus raised a hand. "It's all right Nelson," he said. The officers holstered their weapons when they saw Garrus.

"There were reported shots fired," said the turian.

"Fist's thugs," Garrus said. "This one is dead. Take the other in for medical attention and questioning."

The asari and human officers picked the wounded man off the floor and headed out. The human turned to Garrus.

"I'll call the morgue." He said.

"I'll file my report in a little while," Garrus stated. The human nodded and walked out of the med clinic.

Shepard turned to Garrus. "Who's Fist?" He asked.

"He runs Chora's Den," Dr. Michel had finally composed herself. She wiped a stray tear from her face as she spoke. "He's scum. A drug dealer, a pimp."

"Not that we can prove any of that," Garrus added.

Dr. Michel continued. "He works for the Shadow Broker." Her accent was difficult for Ash to place. She thought maybe she was French.

"Not anymore," Garrus said. "Now he works for Saren and the Shadow Broker isn't too happy about it."

Dr. Michel's eyes widened. "Fist betrayed the Shadow Broker? That's stupid even for him."

Shepard stepped toward Garrus. "Okay let's start at the beginning," he said. "Who is the Shadow Broker?"

"No one knows," Garrus answered. "But he deals in intel and information mostly. Has agents all over the place. On paper his activities are completely legal, but he's not someone you want to cross."

"But Fist did," Kaidan said.

"Exactly," said Garrus. "I don't have any proof, but I know Fist is working for Saren. Like you humans say I feel it in my gut."

"So why were Fist's thugs threatening you?" Ash finally asked.

Dr. Michel took a deep breath. "They didn't want me to tell Garrus about the quarian."

"What quarian?" Shepard said.

"She came in," Michel continued. "She'd been shot. She seemed very afraid."

"Did she say why?" Shepard asked.

"She mentioned something about the Geth, but I thought she was just delirious. Then she said she needed to contact the Shadow Broker. I knew Fist was an agent for him, so I told her to go to him." Michel suddenly looked afraid. "Oh god. I sent her right to him!"

"It's okay," Garrus said softly to her. Ash couldn't help but be fascinated by the warmth the turian was showing to the human woman. She had only ever heard turians were cold and unfeeling. It was probably an unfair assumption, she admitted, but it was a widely held one among many humans.

"We have to find that quarian," Kaidan said.

"All right. Let's pay Fist a visit," Shepard said.

"I'm coming with you, Shepard," Garrus said. "Fist has second rate security but there could be anywhere from one to ten bodyguards. You might want a hand with crowd control. I can have C-Sec wait outside just in case."

Shepard nodded. "Let's go."

**

Chora's Den was just even more crowded than they had left it less than an hour ago. As they walked in, Shepard did a quick scan of the room, gathering information, memorizing faces, noting the dark corners and the unsavory types that inhabited them. Across the room he saw the entrance to a dark hallway, the most likely place they would find the club's office, the most likely place they would find Fist.

As Shepard moved through the crowd a blonde woman approached him, smiling. "Looking for company? I do more than just dance," she cooed, putting her hand on his chest as he moved by. Without even looking at her he touched her shoulder and eased her gently out of his path.

"Maybe later," he said, disinterested. He was focused on the hallway. He heard her scoff and walk off, angered by his rejection.

The hallway was long and winding and at the end of it was a door. Next to it stood a krogan bodyguard. The group walked up to him.

"This area is private," The krogan said.

"I'm here to see Fist," Shepard answered, getting straight to the point.

"He's busy right now. Go away."

Before the krogan could even finish his annoyed sentence, Shepard's pistol was in his face. A second after he raised his he heard the clicks and whirs of his party's weapons behind him as well.

"I have an appointment." Shepard said. The krogan stared at him for a moment angrily, then realizing he was outnumbered and outgunned, growled and turned to the door. He punched in a code and the door hissed open. "Move," Shepard said calmly to the bodyguard and he moved through the door, uttering another growl. When they were through, Kaidan closed the door behind them quickly.

As they rounded the corner, the krogan in the lead, Shepard could see Fist on a leather couch with two barely dressed women in very compromising positions. Fist stood quickly, startled and angry.

"I said I was busy!" he yelled toward the krogan as he zipped up his pants.

"We'll just be a minute," Shepard said as he stepped forward to Fist. He grabbed him by the back of his neck, pressed his gun between his shoulder blades and slammed him face first into the wall, eliciting gasps from the two women on the couch. He knew Williams and Kaidan would look after the krogan.

"What the hell?!" Fist yelled. Shepard could hear movement from the women on the couch behind him, but he didn't bother looking since he heard Ash's pistol click.

"Have a seat, girls," Shepard heard Ash say.

"Where's the quarian?" Shepard asked in a low, steady tone. He had no tolerance for low level drug dealers and pimps.

"What?" Fist asked, his face still against the wall. Shepard pulled him back a few inches and pushed him back to the wall with a thud.

"I don't have time for this, Fist." Shepard was calm and controlled. He had plenty of experience interrogating unsavory types. They usually talked without too much convincing.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Fist growled, prompting Shepard to yank him away from the wall and throw him down. He landed squarely on the glass coffee table, shattering it. From the floor, he groaned and looked at his hands. They were bleeding, as was his face in one or two small cuts. "Okay okay!" he yelled, his hands up in front of him in defense as he lay there. Shepard stepped back, allowing him a moment to stand. Fist brushed the broken glass off of himself and glared at Shepard. "You have no idea who you're dealing with," he said. "If I talk, I'm dead."

"You're dead if you don't talk." Shepard raised his gun at him again.

Fist cursed under his breath. "Fine," he relented. "The quarian had information she wanted to sell. Said she'd only speak to the Shadow Broker himself so I set up a meeting."

"Not possible. The Shadow Broker only works through agents," Garrus said.

"Yeah but she didn't know that," Fist said. "She's meeting them any minute now." He smiled.

Shepard grabbed the side of Fist's neck, causing him to wince and fall to his knees. He pressed his gun against his forehead. "Where?" He said forcefully.

"Back alley in the wards! You can make it if you hurry."

It occurred to Shepard that Garrus might want to arrest Fist. "Garrus?" he said.

Garrus touched his com. "Redmond, this is Vakarian. Move in for arrest."

Shepard stepped away from Fist, who looked terrified. "You can't arrest me!" He yelled. "Please! I'm a dead man!"

Four C-Sec officers came through the door then and moved in quickly to cuff Fist and the krogan.

"Hey I'm just the bouncer!" The krogan boomed. He glared at Fist. "You don't pay me enough, ass hole."

"Please!" Fist pleaded. Shepard ignored him.

"I want him detained for questioning," Garrus barked.

Kaidan approached Shepard. "Sir, if we don't move now that quarian is as good as dead." Shepard knew he was right. He nodded.

"Let's move. Garrus."

"I know where he means. Follow me," Garrus said and they ran out.

**

Garrus was frustrated and exhausted. He hadn't slept or eaten since the report had come in from Eden Prime about Saren and the Geth. Since then he'd been stonewalled at every turn. Each lead he worked went cold. Over and over again he felt as if he was tantalizingly close to getting something solid and each time it slipped through his fingers. Saren's trail was lined with beaurocratic booby traps. He'd known it was an exercise as soon as they'd given him the assignment, but he had to try to get some justice.

Saren was a disgrace to turians everywhere. All Garrus' life he had been brought up to do the right thing, take care of others, and be responsible for his actions. His father had instilled a great sense of honor in him. It was the same for most turians and whenever Garrus heard about turian mercs, slavers, dealers or murderers he felt almost uncontrollably angry. The last thing the turians needed was to be looked upon like the krogan, as criminals and animals. Especially by humans.

Garrus didn't dislike humans at all. Most of the humans he'd met had been nice enough. He found them interesting. He liked learning what he could about their culture, religious beliefs and behavior. Most of what he had learned was not all that dissimilar to a lot of turian culture. Unfortunately for Garrus, the humans he usually interacted with as a C-Sec officer were often a little suspicious of him. A lot of humans were wary around turians, and some humans were downright hateful of them. The reality of a turian SpecTRe being a traitor and a mass murderer of humans would not sit well. Garrus had to take Saren down. That was the long and short of it.

As they raced to their location, Garrus hoped that for once he wasn't too late. He just knew that this quarian, if she was still alive, would be the key.

"Through here," Garrus said as he opened the door to the alleyway. They all had their guns drawn as they walked. The alleyway was nothing more than a utilities tunnel tended mainly by the keepers, but that didn't stop underhanded dealings from taking place here. More than a few times, Garrus had been called to investigate why dead bodies suddenly showed up there.

Garrus flinched at the sound of a nearby explosion. Everyone drew their weapons and looked around for the source of the blast, when Garrus noticed the smoke coming from around the corner.

"Over here!" He yelled and charged forth, the humans close behind him. As they rounded the corner, Garrus could see a firefight taking place. A quarian woman was hunkered behind a crate as a turian and two salarians fired on her. He could see that her weapon was a few feet away from her, most likely knocked from her grasp by gunfire. Garrus quickly raised his pistol and took the turian out. He growled and fell as the bullet hit him square in the chest. The salarians were firing at the group now and they all moved quickly to the cover of some crates. One salarian fell by Shepard's gun. The quarian, while the remaining salarian's back was turned to her, emerged from her cover, knife in hand. The salarian turned just in time to see her coming and after a quick, elegant combination of martial arts, the quarian's knife was embedded deep in the salarian's chest. Ash she removed it, he fell lifeless to the floor.

The silence then was deafening. Garrus looked over toward Alenko, who was holding his rib cage on his left side.

"You're hit, L.T." Williams said. She went to him and touched the bleeding area to examine. Shepard looked on.

Alenko winced. "I'm all right," he said. "It just grazed me."

Satisfied that his lieutenant was okay, Shepard moved to the quarian. "Are you all right?" he asked.

She nodded. "Fine, thank you" she said. Her voice was slightly distorted by her face mask, but Garrus could tell she was young. "Who are you?"

Shepard stepped forward. "We're with the Alliance. We need to talk to you about the Geth." Tali paused and Garrus could tell she was suspicious. For a moment, even though he couldn't see her face, Garrus thought she seemed afraid.

"We're not going to hurt you," Garrus reassured her. "We just want to talk."

She seemed to relax. "You saved my life," she said. "I'm happy to repay you."

"We should get her somewhere safe," Williams chimed in.

Shepard nodded. "Let's take her to the ambassador's office." Shepard turned to Alenko and Williams. "You two. Head to the clinic and get Alenko checked out. Check in with me when you're finished."

"Aye aye, Commander" Williams said. She and Alenko walked off as Alenko grimaced.

"Those were Saren's men," Garrus said to Shepard.

"Fist set me up," the quarian said. "Bastard."

"What's your name?" Shepard asked.

"Tali," she replied. "Tali Zorah nar Rayya." Garrus wasn't sure, but she seemed to smile then. He smiled back.

"Shepard. Garrus," Shepard introduced. "Let's go."

**

"If I never have to dress another gunshot wound again it will be too soon," Dr. Michel sighed as she finished up with the wound on Kaidan's shirtless ribcage. He winced a little again when she touched it one last time and Ash almost laughed.

"Walk it off already," she teased. Dr. Michel chuckled and walked away.

Kaidan smiled at her. "I didn't see you taking a bullet for the quarian." He had a warm, genuine smile. It faded again as he pulled his shirt back on. He looked at her. "Hey how are you doing by the way?" He asked.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"I mean how are you dealing with everything that's been thrown at you?" Kaidan spoke in a soft tone. Ash wasn't sure what to say. She didn't particularly want to get into the specifics of how her head was spinning with a million new details and experiences while simultaneously trying to cope with the loss of her entire unit and every colonist she had failed to protect.

"Fine," she finally settled on. It wasn't completely true, but it would be eventually and that was good enough for her.

Kaidan nodded, looking at her. "I just want to let you know I understand that it's a lot to take in." The sound of Kaidan's voice was soothing to Ash and it made a part of her want to curl up in a ball and cry into his chest. But that was the part of her that rarely surfaced. He smiled. "I'm a pretty good ear, just so you know," he added.

Ash nodded. "Thanks," she said. "It is a lot, but…I'm fine, really."

"All right," Kaidan said. He stood. "What kind of evidence do you think the quarian has?"

Ash shrugged. "I don't know. Better be something though. I feel like I've been on a damn Easter egg hunt for the past few hours."

As they walked out Kaidan turned. "Thank you Dr." he said. She waved in acknowledgement and he turned back to Ash. "Lots of rotten eggs," he said under his breath. Ash smiled.

"That's a terrible joke," she said to him.

He shrugged. "They can't all be winners."

Ash laughed. "Well you let me know when you hit a winner then." She decided she really liked Kaidan. She had a feeling they were going to get along just fine.

"Alenko, come in," Shepard's voice rang clear over the com.

"Yes sir," Kaidan answered.

"I need you and Williams to meet us at the Citadel Tower asap. Udina is presenting Tali's evidence to the council. They're on their way over."

"Tali's the quarian." Kaidan said.

"Yeah. I need you both here now," Shepard ordered.

"Copy that, Commander." The com chirped out.

Ash's stomach got butterflies. "The council is coming here?" She asked.

Kaidan nodded. "Yeah. Wow. This is big. Let's move our asses."

"Yes sir!"

By the time Ashley and Kaidan arrived at the tower, the hearing was already in session. Ash took in the grandeur of the tower. It reminded her of some great hall where royalty should be sitting. The council members, the turian, asari and salarian stood abreast on a high platform at the far end. They were elevated high above their audience, a clear reminder of who was in charge. Ash thought it was a little pompous of them.

As they approached, Ash could see Shepard, Anderson, Udina, Garrus and the quarian Tali. Shepard glanced at her and nodded as she and Kaidan walked up. She noticed that he still looked stressed, but there was something different about him, something on the brink of relief. She took it as a good sign. Her attention turned back to the Council as a recording played.

"Eden Prime was a major victory. The beacon has brought us one step closer to finding the conduit." Ash got a chill as she recognized Saren's voice.

"And one step closer to the return of the Reapers." Ash furrowed her brow as a second voice, a woman's voice was heard on the recording.

There was quiet for a moment and then Udina spoke.

"You wanted proof?" He said smugly. "There it is."

The turian councilor looked down and shook his head. "This evidence is incontrovertible," he said. He sounded sad. He looked at Tali. "Where did you say you got this Ms. Nar Rayya?"

"I salvaged it from the memory core of a geth trooper. I removed it after it was separated from its unit."

"I thought the geth fried their memory cores when destroyed." The salarian councilor's voice was quick and high pitched. "Some sort of defense mechanism."

"My people created the geth," Tali added. It was a strange statement and Ash found herself asking why anyone would have created those things. "We know generally how they work. If you're quick enough and lucky enough you can manage to salvage some data."

"I recognize the other voice in the recording," the asari councilor said. Now she seemed sad. "Matriarch Benezia."

"Who is she?" Anderson demanded.

The asari looked at him. "Matriarch Benezia is a very powerful asari, though I have a difficult time believing she would join with Saren."

"Well it is clear that she has," the salarian quipped.

"Yes," the asari relented. She looked back at Udina. "Benezia is very influential. She has many followers. She will make a formidable ally for Saren."

Ash stood, taking it all in. It was surreal. They had succeeded in proving Saren's treachery. But now what?

"The Reapers," the salarian mused. "That is simply an old story is it not?" He was asking the asari, but the turian answered.

"Nothing but a fairytale," the turian barked dismissively. "A race of sentient machines that supposedly wiped out galactic civilization and then disappeared 50,000 years ago. It is a myth. It is obvious that Saren is using it to bend the geth to his will."

"Perhaps the geth revere these Reapers as gods." The salarian determined. "Perhaps they see Saren as a prophet for their return and that is why they follow him."

"Utter nonsense," the turian said.

"It's not nonsense," Shepard, who had been diligently quiet the entire time finally spoke. "I've seen it." He said. He seemed to be thinking as he spoke. "The vision on Eden Prime. It makes sense now. The Protheans were wiped out by synthetics according to the visions. It has to be the Reapers."

"Listen to what you're saying, Commander" the Turian said. "Saren wants to bring back the Reapers? It's insane."

"You doubted me about Saren's guilt," Shepard said. He was sounding more forceful now. "Don't make the same mistake again."

"This is different," the asari spoke to Shepard. "You've proven that Saren is a traitor. Anything else is nothing but conjecture as this time."

The turian councilor spoke again. "Saren is a disgrace to the council. He will be stripped of his rank as a SpecTRe and Citadel resources will no longer be available to him."

"That isn't good enough!" Udina yelled. "You know Saren is hiding out in the traverse. Send your fleet in!"

"A fleet cannot track down one man," the salarian sounded truly annoyed with Udina's tone.

"Not to mention it could trigger a war with the terminus systems" the turian added.

"Send me," Shepard said. He stepped forward. Everyone looked at him. He had a look of determination on his face. "You don't have to send your fleet and the Ambassador gets his human SpecTRe. Everybody wins. And Saren will get what's coming to him. I _will_ find him." Ash was impressed by Shepard's very presence. He had the bearing of a man who knew great responsibility. She guessed that he had seen a lot of bad in the galaxy and that he had fought it with everything he had. She wouldn't have been surprised to hear that someone out there in the universe thought of him as their hero.

"The commander is right," the asari responded, a response Ash had not been anticipating.

The three council members looked at each other for a moment. The tension in the air was strong and Ash felt anxious for them to get on with it already. She knew that if they made Shepard a SpecTRe right then and there she would be witnessing an epic moment in human history. Her stomach fluttered just a little in anticipation. The council finally nodded at one another and turned back to face the group.

"John Shepard," the asari addressed him. "Step forward." He did. He looked up at the council as the asari continued. "It is the decision of the council that you should be given all the rights and privileges of the Special Tactics and Reconnaissance Branch of the Citadel."

The salarian continued. "SpecTRes are not trained, but chosen. Individuals forged in the fire of service and battle - those whose actions elevate themselves above the rank and file."

"As the right hand of the Council, you have been given a great responsibility with this elite status," the turian added. "and we are confident in your ability to exercise the will of this Council efficiently and morally."

"For your first mission," the asari continued. "You are charged with the task of locating and neutralizing the threat of Saren Arterius. We trust you will exercise appropriate judgment during this mission. This meeting of the Council is adjourned." Ash watched Shepard nod as the Council members walked off.

She couldn't be sure, but she suspected the Council had just unofficially given Shepard the permission to dispose of Saren as he saw fit. She suddenly felt antsy at the prospect of getting out there, finding Saren and eliminating him. Preferably with a bullet between the eyes.


	4. The Alpha

**Chapter 4: The Alpha**

Less than twenty minutes ago, Commander John Shepard had become the first human SpecTRe, something that he was still processing on some level. He knew what needed to be done and he knew this was the only way to do it, but it was still overwhelming. On one hand it was a great achievement for humanity, an epic milestone that he was proud to be a part of. And on the other hand, he wondered in the back of his mind if the Council was setting him up to fail. He knew that he couldn't.

The Normandy would be docked for the next twenty-four hours while Ambassador Udina and Captain Anderson coordinated specifics with the brass and did all the paperwork. Shepard was anxious to get out there and track down Saren. He needed to clear his head. He decided to take a walk on the Presidium for just a little while.

He'd relayed the message to the crew that they had some liberty time this evening. He would be headed back to the Normandy himself in awhile, but there was something he wanted to check out first. He'd heard that SpecTRes' bank accounts got a rather large credit bonus, but he had no idea how big the bonus would be. He stood, staring at the console, rather surprised to see what he considered to be an obscene amount of currency staring back at him.

Shepard had never really hurt for credits. His parents were both paid well by the Alliance military when he was growing up, and he'd had a steady military paycheck as well since he was eighteen years old. He rarely spent anything, didn't care about expensive things and couldn't remember the last time he took any real shore leave. Most things he did were funded by the military, and while his salary wasn't opulent, he did all right. He had quite a bit saved in case he needed it, though every reason he could think of involved bribes, shady deals and custom weapons mods. It wasn't that he didn't want the extra credits. He just wasn't sure what to do with them.

It had been less than an hour and it was already burning a hole in his pocket. He'd never really considered what he would do with a very large amount of money. The thought kind of made him uncomfortable, in fact. It wasn't that he felt like he hadn't earned it, it was that he simply had no reason to spend it. He wasn't the charitable type. Most bleeding heart campaigns, while they had their own merit were not something he usually tossed credits to. He hated the idea of owning any sort of permanent dwelling, and he had no family to take care of. An unexpected thought occurred to him.

_Jess._

He found it odd that her name had popped into his head. He hadn't thought about her really in over three years, and most of his thoughts of her were bittersweet. Regardless, his brain began repeating her name and it suddenly dawned on him that if anyone deserved a few extra credits, Jess did. He thought rationally about it for a moment. It wasn't a decision to be made lightly. Simply giving a large amount of money to another person could be complicated. She might feel obliged to reciprocate something, or she might accuse him of trying to re-enter her life. That wasn't the case, but he was feeling a little nostalgic.

Shepard walked over to the asari teller, who greeted him with a smile.

"Can I help you, sir?" she asked.

"Yeah," he answered. "I'd like to transfer some funds to another account."

"Of course. I can help you with that," The asari said, pleasantly. "Your name please?"

"John Shepard."

The asari pulled his account up on her console.

"And to which account would you like to transfer, Mr. Shepard?"

He thought about it for a moment. What if she'd gotten married or changed her name?

"It's to another person's account," he said. "Jessica Harris. I don't know her account number though."

The asari hit a few luminescent, holographic buttons.

"That's all right, Mr. Shepard. I can confirm her account with other details. Do you know her birth date?"

"June 14th, 2156." He was surprised at how quickly he remembered that. It was June now. She would have just had a birthday.

The asari entered the information.

"And her mother's maiden name?"

"Phillips, I think. She'd be on Earth. United States probably."

The teller's console chirped and an ID picture came on the screen.

"I have one result for those parameters. Jessica Harris, Earth, Tucson Arizona. Is this the person you were seeking?" She hit a button and the image of Jessica Harris hovered in the air in front of him.

She looked the same as the last time he saw her, her dark red hair falling over her shoulders, her green eyes squinting a little with her brilliant smile. Last he'd heard she was living in Virginia, so he wondered what she was doing in Tucson. He looked at her face for just a moment and a quick jumble of memories flashed by him.

"That's her," he said.

"Please enter the amount you would like to transfer," The teller said and offered him a small holographic keyboard.

He thought for a moment about how much to send her. He certainly didn't want to give her too much, but he wanted to send something that would actually be helpful. He realized it would be a delicate balance. The last time they'd spoken hadn't been particularly pleasant. He didn't want to open up old wounds, but he also knew she probably needed the credits.

She needed them for Jack.

Jess' son would be about seven years old now. Jack had been born sickly and when he was a year old he was diagnosed with a medical condition that required quite a bit of money and care. Jess worked as a waitress, so it had always been difficult for her to make ends meet.

Shepard decided on an amount that he determined was enough, but not insulting and entered it into the console.

"Is there a way to keep the source of the funds confidential?" he asked. Jess didn't need to know where it came from, only that it was there.

"Of course," the asari replied. She hit a few more buttons. "The funds have been anonymously transferred. The transaction is complete."

Shepard nodded. "Thank you," he said.

"Have a nice day, Mr. Shepard."

Shepard left the bank and walked over to the railing around the lake. He leaned on it and took a moment to remember his time with Jess. They'd spent two rather nice years together. Well he supposed technically that wasn't true. The time they spent together probably added up to only a few months in total. He would be with her for a couple of weeks, and then gone for eight to ten weeks on tours in a pattern that was fairly repetitive. Ultimately his military career had caused the demise of their relationship. She hadn't wanted to raise Jack anywhere but Earth, Shepard needed to be aboard starships, and deep down Shepard knew he could never truly give her what she needed anyway. N7 marines were rarely husbands or fathers. In the end splitting up was just the logical thing to do.

He still thought about her sometimes with fondness, wondered how she and Jack were doing, but he'd never contacted her except for once or twice just after they'd split, and both of those times he'd had too much to drink and said things he regretted. He thought about what a different person he had been when they were together.

He'd met Jess not long after Akuze when he was an angry twenty-three year old with a lot of post traumatic stress. He was a mess that she'd cleaned up. She'd calmed his mind, brought him peace. She'd saved him from his own darkness and helped him through the nightmares. She'd helped him to forget. For that alone, she deserved something. Credits weren't enough, but they would have to do.

Shepard had never been a very open person, even when he was a kid. He didn't often wear his feelings on his sleeve, rarely showed much emotion and wasn't usually susceptible to sentimentality. He'd never been a particularly romantic guy and most of the women that had been a part of his life had found him a little too blunt or distant or hard to gauge. It was different with Jess. Jess used to have a way of breaking down Shepard's walls. She was open and beautiful and sexy with a warm disposition and a disarming smile.

Shepard looked at the time. It was getting late and he suddenly realized he was exhausted. He supposed it wouldn't be long before the news got wind that there was a human SpecTRe and when that happened, things would get annoying. Shepard didn't enjoy attention. All his adult life he had learned that attention could get you killed. He was far happier existing in the shadows, getting the job done and being left alone. He looked around, suddenly thinking that he should get back to the Normandy before someone recognized him.

**

Ash was way too wired to stay put. She'd thought about simply curling up in a sleeper pod and getting some rest before they shuttled out tomorrow morning, but she was too tired to sleep. Now that she thought about it, she hadn't actually slept since Eden Prime. She'd considered going to Dr. Chakwas to get something to help her nod off, but Ash didn't like pills. They made her groggy.

As she walked along in the Wards of the Citadel, she carried an Alliance issue uniform bag containing three extras. She'd had to pick them up from the navy's small requisitions office since every bit of clothing she'd had was lost on Eden Prime essentially. They'd given her four identical uniforms, some cotton panties and a couple of sports bras. It was enough to get her through her duties on a weekly basis.

Now she was exiting a small casual shop where she had bought some civvies. She knew she didn't have much room in her locker on the Normandy, but she had to have at least one non-uniform in her stash or she'd go nuts. Something about throwing on something that wasn't blue fatigues really made her feel human.

As she walked, passing the many inhabitants of the Citadel, most out for drinks and fun, Ash thought about her mother and sisters. She knew they probably would have received her email burst by now. At least she hoped they would have. They no doubt saw the news about Eden Prime not long after it happened. She felt terrible thinking of how much they were probably worried. She thought about finding an extranet console, but realized that even if they had gotten her message it might take a few days for their reply to get through to her. She was, after all, halfway across the galaxy.

Ash was distracted from her thoughts by the sound of a woman's laughter. When she looked, she saw a happy couple exiting a small bar. They kissed, smiled and walked off. Ash hadn't planned on going to a bar tonight, but it was there and it looked quiet. In fact, it looked like the perfect place to sit with a beer and think about things.

She entered the bar called New York and chuckled at the name. A million light years from Earth and folks were still clinging to their hometowns. It was dim and not too crowded. A slow melancholy song traveled through the air as Ash sat at the bar. She motioned for the bartender, an attractive red-head, who smiled and approached her.

"Hey sweetie," the bartender greeted her.

Ash smiled thinly, not feeling very friendly. "Hi. Can I just get whatever you have on tap?"

"You got it," the woman cheerily replied. She stepped away to get Ash's beer and as she did, Ash scanned the room. There was a couple in the corner, giggling and canoodling, a table of younger guys drinking beers from a pitcher. A couple of them were wearing C-Sec uniforms. There was an older dark skinned man sitting near her at the bar who looked very sad. He was staring into his tumbler of what looked like bourbon.

The redhead flitted back over and placed a pint of amber liquid in front of Ash. "On the house, honey" she said. "You look like you've had a day." She smiled and walked away.

"Thanks," Ash called after her. She took a sip of the beer and it's slightly bitter, hoppy taste tickled her nose. It was good. She looked at her glass, then back at the sad man at the bar. She wondered if she looked like him. She supposed now was as good a time as any to finally organize her thoughts.

She started with her unit. The faces of her squad, her friends, flashed through her mind. She hadn't taken the moments she needed to properly recognize their loss. Her chest was actually aching now, her heart suddenly terribly sad. She was distracted then by the news vid on the screen above the bar. The bartender had raised the volume just a bit to hear.

Images of the smoking rubble that was most of Eden Prime filled the screen as the reporter spoke.

_Disaster relief and medical crews are still gathering survivors from the colony and the Alliance has sent troops in to keep order amidst the chaos. In light of the recent events colonist enrollment has dropped off sharply, but Alliance officials assure us that Eden Prime was an isolated event. They refused to comment further on the details of the attack, stating that a full report will be available once all necessary information has been acquired._

"Please turn that off," said the sad man in a thick Indian accent.

The bartender did so, confused. "Sorry hon," she said. "Just seeing if there were any developments. A friend of mine was there. He's okay, but wow." She looked at the screen. "It's just awful what happened."

Ash took a large swig of her beer. The man spoke again.

"Yes it is," he said. "My wife was a marine in the 212 there. She was killed." He drank his drink. Ash's eyes widened. The 212 was her groundside garrison. She knew every marine in it. After the bartender patted the man's hand tenderly and walked away, Ash moved a couple seats closer to the man.

"Your wife was in the 212?" She asked. He nodded. "That was my post." The man looked up at her with tragic brown eyes. "What's your wife's name? I'm sure I know her."

The man sighed. "Her name is Nirali." He seemed to think of her for a moment. "Nirali Bhatia."

Ash nodded. "I knew Nirali," she said softly. "She was a good marine." Ash paused and sipped her beer. "And an even better friend. My name is Ashley Williams." She extended her hand. Mr. Bhatia took it and shook.

"Samesh Bhatia," He said.

Ash smiled a little. "I recognize you now," she said. "Nirali showed me pictures. Said you were a good cook."

This made Samesh smile. "She mentioned you as well," he said. "I am glad to meet you, but I am very unhappy with the military at the moment."

Ash felt the hurt of guilt in her gut. "I know," she said. "We didn't see it coming. It was a surprise attack."

He looked into her eyes then. "Miss Williams," he said gravely. "I am not upset about the military's response to the attack." Ash furrowed her brow. "I am upset because they will not release my wife's body to me to give her a proper burial."

Ash shook her head, confused. The military didn't normally do that. "What?" she said. "Why?"

"I do not know," he said. He was clearly very frustrated. "I have tried every means of official channels. They simply will not allow me to return her body to our home." He clenched his fist and released it again. "And they will not say why, only that they need her body for research."

Ash felt like she'd been punched in the gut. She could guess why the military wanted to study Nirali. They wanted to learn more about her injuries. They wanted to learn more about the Geth. But she couldn't tell Samesh that. Ash was suddenly very angry, furious.

"That's crap," was all she could come up with. "They can't do that."

"They have done it," Samesh said exasperated. "The man I spoke to said it was simply not possible."

"What man?"

"His name is Bosker," Samesh said the name almost as if it were a curse. "Charles Bosker."

Ash thought for a moment. There was nothing she could do to save the marines that were lost on Eden Prime, but perhaps she could still do something for Nirali. She thought it odd, the miniscule chance that she would have run into Samesh here at this bar. It was as if she was being given another chance to make something right. She needed to help him. She had to.

"Bosker you say?" she asked. Samesh nodded. "I want to try to help you," she said quietly.

Samesh looked at her. "Do you think you could convince Bosker to look into it?"

Ash shook her head. "I'm just infantry, a grunt. I don't have any sort of pull with the brass." He looked sad again. "But I might know someone who does." She stood. "I can see what I can do," she said. Then she touched his shoulder and gave it a light squeeze. "I'm sorry for your loss."

His brown eyes met hers again and she could see the tears welling up in them. She wanted to leave him before he cried. "Thank you," he choked. She nodded, turned and walked out.

**

Joker was already starting to lament the lack of privacy on the Normandy. He was used to sharing locker rooms with everyone and bunking with a bunch of other marines, but he was really hoping for quiet time alone right now. He knew almost everyone was off of the ship while the head honchos figured everything out. The shit had hit the fan and Joker was trying not to think about what was going to happen next.

He didn't want the Normandy to be grounded or anyone to be reprimanded for what happened on Eden Prime. After all, it hadn't been their fault the Geth had destroyed an entire colony just to get access to one lousy beacon. It was overkill if anyone would have asked Joker. Truthfully Joker didn't know the details of what was going on, and he didn't want to know. He wasn't big on details unless they applied to the ship he was flying.

He finally found a console in the mess and decided to get on the extranet to distract himself. As he pulled it up he looked around and listened for the footsteps of anyone close by. His ears were met with the low, almost silent hum of the ship. He shrugged, typed in the name of a net site and after a few clicks he was looking at scads of naked ladies staring back at him from the screen.

He clicked on one of the videos, turned the sound down pretty low and watched happily as the action played out. The Alliance didn't care what sites personnel went to – as far as they were concerned it was their own business what kind of things they were interested in. But certain sites were blocked simply for security purposes. Those were usually sites that could cause a weakness in the mainframe. Joker knew this site well. A lot of Alliance marines did. It wasn't restricted because even the brass knew folks needed to relieve some sexual stress every now and again.

"Can't you pull that up in a sleeper pod or something?" Joker jumped as he heard Kaidan's voice behind him. He turned and saw the lieutenant sipping a cup of coffee and staring at the screen.

"Jesus!" Joker said. "Wear louder shoes, man!"

"Sorry," Kaidan shrugged. "Seriously though."

Joker sighed. "I thought everyone was gone. Besides it's not like I was just gonna rub one out in the mess hall. Give me a little more credit than that." He noticed Kaidan tilting his head upside down slowly with one eyebrow raised. Joker looked back at the screen, blinked and then did the same thing. "How is that possible?" he asked.

Kaidan shrugged. "Leverage."

Joker looked back, "Ohhh right." he finally said. Joker finally turned the vid off. He wasn't about to share with Alenko and it was starting to get awkward. "So did you want something or did you just show up to ruin my fun?"

"I just came for some decaf," Kaidan said. "And I thought I'd tell you Wesson got done with the heat load diagnostic so whenever you want to check the FTL crank you're all set."

"Oh great. Thanks." Joker smiled. "So you and Wesson seem pretty friendly."

"Not especially." Kaidan replied simply.

"She's hot," Joker added.

"Yeah I guess," Kaidan said. He was looking at his coffee, swirling it around.

Joker sighed. "Look Alenko, I've seen her with you. She's all 'yes sir' and 'right away, sir' and 'whatever you need, sir' with you."

Kaidan shrugged. "I'm her superior officer. She's supposed to call me 'sir.'"

Joker laughed. "And you're telling me you don't notice that thing she does when she pops her hip out and bites her lower lip when you're talking to her about something?"

"I've noticed," Kaidan said simply.

"So you _are_ aware she wants to jump you." This was like pulling teeth.

Kaidan sighed. "So what if she does?"

"What?"

"So what if she does?"

"I don't get it."

"Like I said I'm her superior officer. Fraternization between ranks would be grounds for dismissal."

Joker threw his hands up in the air. "Oh my god, man. You are _horrible_ at guy talk." Kaidan laughed quietly. It was clear he was enjoying this. Joker almost smiled. "I mean Jesus. It's like a death march."

Kaidan's laugh faded to a smile. "What do you want me to say?"

"I want you say things like 'yeah she's hot' and 'I would wreck that chick' and then we high five and walk away. This should be simple!" Joker was almost laughing now.

"Yeah. Gotta be careful what you say to people. This kind of stuff can get you into trouble." Kaidan said. "I mentioned to the commander off the record that Williams was kinda cute and he gave me a little flack."

"Oh man, really?"

"Yeah."

There was a pause before Joker spoke again. "So you think Williams is cute?"

"Joker." Joker could hear the annoyance in Kaidan's tone.

"Fine. Where is she anyway?"

"She took off for awhile," Kaidan replied. "I think she needed to clear her head."

Joker scoffed. "Yeah. I would too if I'd been on Eden Prime. That's gotta be rough. Losing her whole unit like that."

"She'll be all right." Kaidan looked at his now empty cup. "Anyway I'm gonna try to get some rest before tomorrow. I'll see you later."

"Later."

Joker waited until he could tell Kaidan was completely gone, and then he hit the button on the console and continued enjoying his vids.

**

Shepard entered the swanky bar. It was a sleek, expensive place that only admitted officers of the Alliance Navy. Shepard thought it looked rather stuffy. It was quiet. He supposed it was a good place for any captains and admirals on the Citadel to take a break. The man at the door scanned Shepard's credentials while Shepard scanned the room looking for Captain Anderson. When he finally saw him he walked over.

Shepard had been on his way back to the Normandy when he received the message to meet the Captain here. On his way there he tried to anticipate what they would be discussing. It wasn't often that your CO asked you to meet him for a drink in a bar. It usually meant something serious. Shepard knew that Anderson had spent the whole day with Udina liaising with the Alliance Brass regarding Shepard's SpecTRe status. He was anxious to hear all about it.

He approached Anderson, who was sitting at a table with a tumbler of what appeared to be scotch on the rocks.

"Have a seat Shepard," Anderson said getting right to it. Shepard sat. "Want a drink?"

"I'm fine thanks," Shepard responded. He could see that something was weighing heavily on Anderson's mind. "You wanted to see me, sir?" He couldn't help but be a little impatient.

"I've got big news for you Shepard," Anderson said. "I'm stepping down as commander of the Normandy. The ship is yours now."

Shepard wasn't exactly sure if he'd heard the Captain correctly. "Sir?" was all he could say, prompting him to elaborate.

"You're a SpecTRe now," Anderson seemed a little sad. "You need your own ship. And the Normandy is perfect for it. She's quick and quiet and you know the crew."

Shepard was still disbelieving. "Sir," he started. "Was this your decision or the brass?" He hoped he wasn't overstepping his bounds with the Captain, but something stunk of back room politics.

Anderson sighed. "A little of both actually," he said. "It's true they encouraged it. It makes sense this way. If it were any other situation I may have been difficult to persuade." He sipped his scotch, and then looked Shepard in the eye. "Truth be told, this isn't how I saw the end of my career panning out. But, you're a damn good marine, Shepard. And a fine officer. And I'm confident you'll make the Alliance proud as a SpecTRe. If I have to hand the ship over to anyone well…I'm glad it's you." He nodded.

Shepard let both the news and the compliment sink in for just a moment, but he still didn't like it. It was then he thought of Saren. He had to ask.

"You and Saren," he began. "You have a history." It was more of a statement than a question.

The captain nodded. "Yes. Yes we do." He shifted in his chair, sitting up more straight. "I was in your shoes twenty years ago, Shepard. They were looking at me to be a SpecTRe." Shepard hadn't expected this. He'd had no idea. "The Council assigned Saren to me in much the same way they assigned Nihlus to you. The long and short of it is I failed. Saren made sure of it."

"What happened?" Shepard had a hard time believing the Captain had ever failed at anything.

"All you need to know is that it was supposed to be a simple snatch and grab – quick, quiet, get in and get out. Saren turned it into a bloodbath." He leaned forward. "He sacrificed hundreds of civilian lives unnecessarily to get the job done. He's ruthless. Brutal. Doesn't care who he has to hurt."

Shepard's voice was quiet. "So how to I bring him down?" he asked.

The captain leaned back again. "Saren's gone. Don't even think about trying to find him. We do have some leads though."

"What are they?" Shepard felt the fire in his veins making its way through his body. The mention of Saren and what he'd done coupled with the idea that they had some sort of lead was making Shepard incredibly impatient.

"Saren has his geth scouring the traverse looking for the conduit. There have been reports of geth activity on Feros at the colony there." Anderson shook his head. "We've lost contact with the colonists. There's also report of geth on Noveria, but that hasn't' been substantiated yet."

Shepard nodded, taking it all in. "Those colonists on Feros might still be alive," he said. "We'll start there."

"There's one more lead," Anderson added. "This Matriarch Benezia. She has a daughter. An archeologist working out of the Artemis Tau cluster."

Shepard was thinking. "Find her maybe we find Benezia."

"Exactly." Anderson sighed. He seemed to hesitate, fidgeting with his glass. Finally he spoke. "I know this is a lot on your plate, Shepard. But…" He hesitated. "I have one more favor to ask you."

"Anything you need, sir."

"I have a friend. Admiral Kohoku. He contacted me a couple of days ago after some of his marines went missing on a routine op. He knew I'd be on the fastest ship in the fleet, so he asked if I'd look into it. I gave him my word I would, but now I'm not going to get the chance."

Shepard knew what he was asking. "What are the details?" He asked, already having made up his mind to help the Captain. He owed him that much.

"Last he heard they'd responded to a distress beacon on Edolus. I know it's not far from here, but the Admiral can't seem to get anyone to check it out. For some reason he's been blocked at every pass."

"Why?"

"I don't know, but that's why he asked me." He looked Shepard in the eye. "And that's why I'm asking you."

Shepard nodded. "I'll find them, sir."

"Thank you, Shepard." Anderson stood, followed by Shepard. "Oh before I forget – just before I stepped down I added the turian, Garrus and the quarian, Tali to the Normandy's roster." Anderson was smirking now. It prompted a small smile from Shepard.

"I bet the Ambassador and the brass just loved that." Shepard said. He had to admit it was a nice little screw you to the higher ups from Anderson. Putting non-humans on an Alliance ship would be controversial and it would make the Alliance sweat.

Anderson chuckled a little, satisfied with himself. When he extended his hand his face was serious again. Shepard took it firmly and they shook. "We're all counting on you, John" he said. Shepard was surprised and, truthfully, downright honored that Anderson had used his first name. He simply nodded and then Anderson walked away.

Shepard stood for another moment. The Normandy was his, and as far as he was concerned that meant one thing: It was time to get that bird in the air.

**

Urdnot Wrex was losing patience. He grumbled a low, dissatisfied noise to himself and crossed his arms. He'd been waiting for an hour near the entrance to the docking bay that housed the ship The Normandy. He had a bone to pick with its commander – this _Shepard_ he'd heard so much about.

Wrex was distracted by a group of C-Sec officers that seemed to be staring him down. He didn't like being stared at.

"Hey!" he barked in a low rumble. "Shake your head, asshole. Your eyes are stuck." They all turned away fast. Even a group of several men wouldn't be stupid enough to get into a fight with a krogan battlemaster. Wrex had to admit, he'd noticed the C-Sec officers staring at him more in the past couple of hours. He supposed it had something to do with the sudden and violent death of that nathak lover, Fist. Wrex wasn't worried. They didn't have any evidence to hold him on it, but he would just as soon like to get off of this damned station.

And Shepard was his ticket.

If he ever went back to his damn ship that was.

He grumbled again and made up his mind to give up if Shepard didn't show in the next fifteen minutes. He could find some other way off the Citadel, but he had to admit he wanted this one. Something big was happening and Wrex wanted to be a part of it.

Wrex glanced around the corridor again and finally he saw Shepard walking right toward the elevator, right toward him. He looked like a man with a purpose. His walk was confident and Wrex could see a few small scars on his face before he approached him. Wrex respected scars. When he was close enough, Wrex finally spoke.

"Are you the one they call Shepard?" he asked. Shepard stopped in his tracks.

"Who wants to know?" He said. He was looking Wrex directly in the eye, which Wrex found impressive. Not many men were able to maintain eye contact with Wrex without pissing themselves. Wrex watched as a realization flashed subtly over Shepard's face. "You were in Chora's Den," he said.

Wrex was annoyed. "Yeah," he said. "I was. Name is Urdnot Wrex. The Shadow Broker paid me to take out Fist. Then you showed up and got him all kinds of unwanted attention." He pointed a finger at Shepard to accentuate his point. Shepard's eyes narrowed.

"I had business with Fist." He said.

"You got him arrested," Wrex boomed. "And that made my job more difficult."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't leave jobs unfinished Shepard." Wrex's tone was a little menacing. He saw Shepard realize that Fist was dead. "But thanks to you people have….noticed."

Shepard shrugged. "Not my problem," He said. He started to walk away. Wrex stepped in front of him, blocking his way.

"Out of my way, krogan," Shepard's voice was calm and low and Wrex actually found himself considering getting out of his way. It was surprising.

"Way I figure it, you owe me a ride, Shepard."

"How do you figure that?"

"I want to come with you. I want to take Saren down just as much as you do."

"Why?"

Wrex leaned into Shepard. "There's a storm coming, Shepard. And you and Saren are right in the middle of it. I want to be there when you take him down. We're both warriors, Shepard. I'm sure you can understand the need for a good fight." They stared at each other for a few seconds. Shepard looked like he was thinking. "I can be a real asset to you," Wrex continued. "I think you know that. Besides, I can follow orders and I always get the job done. Just ask Fist."

Shepard continued thinking. To be honest, Wrex didn't have anything else convincing to say. He wasn't about to suck up to this human no matter how bad he wanted to be involved. Luckily he didn't have to.

Shepard nodded. "All right Wrex," he said.

"Really?" Wrex was surprised. "That was easy."

Shepard shook his head and exhaled. "It's been a strange day." Then he got close to Wrex's face and Wrex could tell he meant business. "You follow my orders," he said quietly. "We'll get long just fine as long as you know your place. And if I think for a second that you're incompetent or a danger to my crew I'll toss you out the god damned airlock before you can blink. You understand?"

Wrex stared into Shepard for a moment before growling "I get it, Shepard. You don't have to worry about that."

Shepard stepped back, nodded. "Let's go then." He walked past Wrex then and after a second or two, Wrex followed. This was going to be an interesting ride.

**

As soon as Shepard stepped onto the Normandy with Wrex, he began to wonder if he'd made a mistake. Several of the crew members were staring apprehensively at Wrex as they walked past. Kaidan approached Shepard.

"Commander," Kaidan greeted him, his tone a little confused.

Shepard pointed to the giant krogan behind him. "This is Urdnot Wrex. He's with us now."

"Hi," Wrex rumbled.

Kaidan raised his eyebrows a little, then nodded. "All right," he said. "Hi."

Truthfully Shepard didn't know what had possessed him to let Wrex come aboard. He supposed it was a hunch that he could be useful, but he also thought perhaps he was still thinking about Anderson. He was feeling a little defensive for the Captain and while adding a turian and quarian to the crew was suspect enough, adding a krogan would give the Alliance a full on heart attack. Shepard suddenly felt just a little smug as he turned and made his way to the bridge.

He found Joker there, as usual. He turned to look at him.

"That's some bull shit about Captain Anderson," he said, adding "sir" when he realized he'd gotten to informal. "I mean, the guy survives a hundred battles and in the end gets taken down by back room politics. It stinks."

Shepard nodded. "I agree," he said. "How's the crew dealing with it?"

Joker shrugged. "Everyone here is behind you, Commander. 100%. But I think they could probably use a boost in morale. Com is open if you wanna say anything."

Shepard thought for a moment. He was never very good at speeches. He never had to be. But he knew he had to say something.

"Let's keep this short," he said as he hit the main com. Over the system, Shepard's voice could be heard, strong and clear. "This is Commander Shepard speaking," he said. "We have our orders, crew. Find Saren before he finds the conduit. This all began with an attack on a human settlement in the traverse, but Saren won't stop there. His geth armies aren't going to stay on the fringes of Citadel space, and it's up to us to stand in his way. It won't be easy, and our enemy knows we're coming, but each and every one of you are here because you are the best of the best. And I promise you, we _will_ stop Saren. We _will_ bring him down." He paused. "Everyone is counting on us," he added. "Commander Shepard out." He closed the com.

"Well said, Commander," Joker said. "The Captain would be proud."

"Not if we fail," Shepard replied. He looked at Joker. "Let's get this bird in the air. Tell Pressley to set a course for Edolus." As he turned and walked away he heard Joker.

"Aye aye, sir."

It would be about four hours until they reached Edolus. Shepard would need to prep his ground team in a little while, but first he would move his few things from the XO quarters to the Captain's quarters, something that felt not at all right.

**

Tali was having a hard time hiding her excitement. She had already cornered the engineers on the Normandy and made a fool of herself gushing about the drive core. She was like a small child receiving more gifts than she could ever imagine. She was alone now, taking the time to walk around in the garage, the only place on the ship she hadn't fully explored. She certainly wasn't used to this kind of vessel. Tali wasn't used to a lot of things she was experiencing lately.

Since she'd left the Migrant Fleet for her pilgrimage, Tali had had quite an adventure. She'd fought the Geth, she'd seen the Citadel, she'd spoken with the Council, she'd been shot, she'd been an important part of a major investigation, she'd joined an Alliance crew and now she was standing on the most amazing ship she'd ever been on. At the moment, Tali was grateful for the enviro-suit facemask that covered her silly grin.

"Ms. Nar Rayya," she suddenly heard a voice behind her. She turned to see Garrus, the turian standing there. She smiled, not that he could really see it.

"Tali," she corrected.

"Yes. Er. Tali," Garrus said. He seemed almost uncomfortable being so informal, a fact which immediately amused her. He looked at her. "How are you adjusting to everything?" he asked. It seemed an odd question, given the circumstances, but Tali understood why he had asked. She was very young, so young in fact that most people she met outside of the Flotilla tended to act a little protectively of her. It was something she had just learned to graciously accept.

"I'm excellent," she said.

Garrus chuckled slightly, something that seemed out of place for a serious turian. "Excellent?"

"Yes," she replied. "This ship is amazing!"

"Oh yes. It is. It's quite an honor to be on it," Garrus said.

"I agree. I never would have thought the Alliance would allow aliens on one of their ships."

Garrus appeared to furrow what was most likely his brow. "Yes I know," he said. "I was surprised too. But when Captain Anderson approached me to be part of the crew I couldn't say no. I handed in my resignation to C-Sec just a few minutes later."

Tali was surprised. "You resigned from C-Sec?"

"I figured this was more important. Besides, working with a SpecTRe probably allows more freedom from paperwork and red tape than C-Sec." Tali found Garrus' voice pleasant to her ear. She guessed he probably wasn't much older than she was, though she was unfamiliar with the life cycle of turians. He continued speaking. "I am a little wary of that krogan Shepard just brought on board."

Tali's eyes widened under her mask. "There's a krogan on the crew? Kee-lah!" Tali had not been expecting that. "The Alliance is sure doing their best to improve relations with alien species aren't' they?"

Garrus scoffed. "Well I don't know about that, but it certainly does make for…" He thought for a second. "…something the humans say…variety is the…the spice of life…or something to that effect."

Tali nodded, going over the saying in her mind. "Variety is the spice of life," she repeated thoughtfully. "I like that."

"So do I." He smiled at her then. "You mentioned something about a pilgrimage. What is that?"

"Oh!" Tali was always excited to talk about quarian culture with non-quarians. "When we quarians reach maturity we embark on a quest. We leave our families and search the galaxy for something useful to bring back to the Flotilla to improve the quality of the community's life as a whole."

"That sounds very interesting," Garrus said. "We turians are mostly focused on the needs of the community as a whole as well." He looked down. "Well mostly."

"You're thinking of Saren aren't you," Tali asked.

"Well yes," Garrus said. "Saren was the Council's number one agent. He was a hero to my people. More and more turians it seems are succumbing to their own selfish whims, becoming mercenaries, pirates, genocidal maniacs." He sighed. "You quarians could teach some turians a lesson or two."

"We are not all honorable and good, Garrus," she said. "There is dishonesty, murder and cruelty within any community, quarians, humans, turians, krogan. But there is also good. My mother used to tell me that everyone is born with a good heart."

Garrus's small eyes peered at her. She felt as if they made eye contact then, even though she knew he couldn't really see her eyes. "You believe that, don't you?" he asked.

She nodded. "I do." She put her head down. "Well... at least I would like to."

Garrus smiled. "I would like to believe that too."

They smiled at each other for just a moment longer until Tali became surprisingly shy. She blushed under her mask, grateful Garrus could not see her face at the moment. She couldn't quite understand why she was blushing, but she cleared her throat then.

"Well," she said. "I think I will go bother Engineer Adams some more."

"Yes," Garrus said. "I should…do some research of my own."

There was an unexplainable awkward pause, and then Tali quickly put her head down and walked past Garrus to the engineer room thinking to herself _variety is the spice of life_.

**

It was time to go. Shepard and the ground squad were getting ready in the garage. They would be dropping onto Edolus in the Mako, their surface tank vehicle. There was only room for three others besides Shepard, so he'd decided to take Kaidan, Ash and Wrex. Kohoku's problem was an Alliance problem, so naturally Kaidan and Ash had quickly volunteered to go. Wrex was going because Shepard wanted to see him in action and wanted to see if he really could follow orders. He'd been serious about tossing him out of the airlock if he felt like he was dangerous.

The Mako was a tight fit as it was, but Wrex's huge frame was practically pressed up against Williams, something Shepard could tell she was annoyed with. Kaidan was prepping all the systems. He would be piloting them on the ground

"What angle of drop are we talking here?" Asked Wrex.

"72 degrees" said Kaidan.

"Got a weak stomach?" Ash asked.

"Hope not." Wrex looked at her. "For your sake." Ash kind of shriveled then further into her corner.

"Approaching drop point," Joker's voice said over the com.

"Copy Joker. Get us as close to that distress signal as possible." Shepard said.

"Aye aye."

The cargo bay doors opened then with a loud hiss, announced by a flashing red light. They were ready for the drop. The Mako was designed to alter its outer mass so the drop would be "pleasant." At least that's what the designers had called it. Shepard couldn't remember a single Mako drop that had been anything but jumpy, harsh and jarring.

"Initiating drop in 3, 2, 1," Kaidan said. "Initiating drop now." With that he moved the Mako out of the Normandy and they began the long drop to the planet's surface. Shepard was used to this sort of thing, but every time his stomach seemed to drop out of him. The Mako shook violently as it fell, rattling Shepard's bones. Kaidan was concentrating on the systems, making sure they didn't fall to their deaths. Shepard suddenly found himself actually hoping Wrex didn't have a weak stomach.

They finally hit the planet's surface with a slam and a bounce. Shepard's teeth chattered just a second and then they were still.

"Woo," Shepard heard Ash say from the back seat. "Smooth landing L.T."

"Thank you very much," Kaidan said as he quickly hit various buttons. "All systems online," he said, "Okay, let's go find that beacon."

The planet's surface was rocky and dusty from what Shepard could see on their screen. He saw the blip of the distress beacon on their radar. "Should be just over that ridge," he said.

As they reached the top of the ridge, a large flat area of land lay in front of the vehicle. Squinting at the screen, Shepard could see what looked to be an Alliance vehicle and the blinking of what was most likely a distress beacon. "Over there," he said. "Few hundred yards."

"Got it," Kaidan said and the Mako lurched forward in the direction.

"I don't like this," Wrex said. "Something stinks." As they rolled closer, Shepard began to agree. His gut was telling him something wasn't quite right. He focused on the Alliance vehicle stranded in the middle of the plain. Next to it were bodies, lots of them, most likely the marines they were looking for. As the vehicle became larger in his line of vision he could see that the hull had been completely blown away. No, not blown or burned. _Melted. _A sudden horror stopped Shepard's heart for a moment.

"Get out of here," he said urgently to Kaidan.

"Sir?" Kaidan seemed confused.

"Get to higher ground now," he ordered quickly. "Now Lieutenant!"

Kaidan had no chance to respond to the commander's order before the ground just in front of the Mako exploded upward. From the depths snaked a gigantic, grotesquely formed thresher maw. The Mako's passengers fell forward as Kaidan slammed on the breaks.

"What the fuck is _that_?!" Ash yelled.

Shepard turned to Kaidan. "Do not stop!" He yelled, the fear in his voice far more apparent than he'd hoped it would be. "Go go go! Keep going!" His heart pounded audibly in his ears as Kaidan sped past the monster. Shepard was losing his cool and he could feel his entire body break into a chilling sweat. He swallowed hard, told himself to get it together. "Step on it, Kaidan!"

There were few things in this world that triggered true, harsh and visceral terror in the heart of John Shepard. Thresher maws were one of those fears. He'd seen up close and personal on Akuze the hellish nightmare of what could happen when just one maw attacked. But there hadn't been just one on Akuze. There had been dozens. His unit had camped right on top of a nest and were subsequently melted, bisected, eaten, disemboweled and shredded by even the smaller, younger maws. He inwardly panicked at the idea that there were more out there right now just waiting under the surface.

"Wrex! Gun!" Shepard ordered, but he knew the odds of actually shooting a thresher maw down were pretty slim. Their only hope at this point was to keep driving, get to higher ground, avoid the acidic venom that the maw was no doubt spitting at them. The searing rain of venom could disable the Mako in one shot if it hit it, and that would leave them on foot, scrambling for their lives, something Shepard didn't plan on doing again.

Behind them, Shepard heard the angry screech of the creature, followed by Wrex's voice.

"Shut up," he growled. He fired the canon, the boom of it echoing in Shepard's ears. The noise was followed by what sounded like a scream of pain from the maw and then the ground shook as it fell. Shepard could see it on the screen. A wave of relief and surprise came over him. Taking down a thresher maw was no easy task, and it usually required more than one good shot.

Shepard touched Kaidan's shoulder. "Stop," he said, his voice returning to normal. Kaidan did. Shepard turned to Wrex and Ash then. Ash was still sitting, eyes wide in the back seat as Wrex climbed down from the turret and sat down.

Wrex looked at Shepard. "What?" he asked. "It's just a worm." He dismissed it as if he had simply squashed a bug under his foot. They all continued to stare at him.

"Uhhh…" was all Ash could say.

Kaidan finally spoke. "You realize that was like a one in a million shot,"

Wrex did something that looked kind of like a smile to Shepard. "Told you I'd come in handy," he said, prompting a disbelieving, relieved laugh from Ash.

Shepard let out a single amused chuckle as well. "Jesus Christ, Wrex," was all he could say. Then he sat back in his chair and relaxed for just a second. His heartbeat was finally slowing to normal. He was finally calming his fear. Maybe Wrex would be good to have around after all.

Kaidan's rational voice spoke again. "Well," he said. "Guess we know what killed Kohoku's marines." He circled around in the vehicle and made his way toward the beacon again.

"Why would there be a distress beacon in the middle of nowhere like this?" Ash asked.

Shepard felt a great disappointment just then. "Because someone put it there." He said sadly. "Someone lured these marines here to be killed by that thing."

Ash shook her head. "Who would do something like that?"

"I don't know," he said. "Let's take out that beacon before it attracts someone else."

"I got it," Ash said quickly, almost jumping from her seat to climb up to the gun. Shepard thought she'd sounded like a little girl just then, excited to get to do something. It made him smile. "Fire in the hole," Ash said simply, then peppered the beacon with loud slugs until it blasted away from its base, completely destroyed. Ash sat back down in the back seat looking satisfied with herself.

Wrex sneered at her. "Mine was better," he said.

"Joker," Shepard radioed.

"Yes commander," Joker's tinny voice replied over the radio.

"We need a pickup." He looked at the image of the dead thresher maw on their screen. "We're done here."

"Aye aye, Commander. Comin' at you."

They sat in the Mako, waiting for Joker's pick up. Shepard sat back in his seat, suddenly feeling tired. But that didn't matter. There would be no rest for him for quite some time. As he closed his eyes for a moment he could think of only one thing.

Next stop, Feros.


	5. Colony

**Chapter 5: Colony**

As Ash approached the door to Shepard's quarters, she took a deep breath. This wasn't exactly standard procedure for this sort of thing, though she wasn't sure if there was a procedure for asking a commanding officer for a personal favor. She didn't know if he could even help her, or if he even would, but she had to try. She owed it to Samesh Bhatia. She owed it to Nirali. She hadn't been able to sleep in the two days since she'd met him, his sad brown eyes haunting her, prodding her to talk to Shepard.

She had wanted to wait for the most opportune time to speak with him. They had been busy and the commander had been running full steam for the past 36 hours non-stop. Now, in the few quiet hours of down time before they finally reached Feros, Ash decided it was time. She hit the call button.

"Come in," said Shepard's voice from the interior. It prompted the door to hiss open automatically and Ash stepped in. Shepard was looked to be taking something out of a bag on the bed. He nodded when he saw her. "Williams," he greeted.

Ash smiled just slightly. "Sorry to interrupt your down time, sir," she apologized.

"You're not interrupting," Shepard reassured. "I'm just unpacking. Finally. What do you need?" He walked to the edge of his desk and leaned on it, crossing his arms.

"Can we speak off the record, sir?" Ash asked. There wasn't really a difference between on and off the record when it came to chatting with the CO, but it made Ash feel better about what she was going to ask.

Shepard nodded. "Of course. Speak your mind, Chief."

Ash nodded. "I need to ask you for a favor," she said, more bluntly than she'd planned. She waited for a reaction to her statement, but there was none. Shepard simply waited patiently for her to continue. She was noticing that about him, that he was patient, or at the very least that he could pretend to be. She went on. "There was a marine named Nirali Bhatia in my unit on Eden Prime. I ran into her husband on The Citadel. He was very upset."

Shepard nodded.

"He was upset because the Alliance won't release her body to him. He's been stonewalled at every turn." She sighed. "He just wants to give his wife a proper service, sir."

Shepard thought for a moment. He seemed to consider her words very carefully, but his face held no clue of what his thoughts might be.

Finally he spoke. "The military doesn't normally do that," he said.

"Yes sir," Ash continued. "I suspect it's because they want to study her body for information on Geth weaponry."

"I see."

Ash couldn't contain herself any longer. "Sir, I understand what they're trying to do, but...but that's bullshit sir. They have no right to do that."

"So you want me to see what I can find out and get her body released." Shepard said. It took her off guard a moment. She guessed she could have just said that.

"Yes sir. Even if you could just get a suitable answer for him. He's completely in the dark."

Shepard thought for a moment again. Ash noticed his brow furrow just a little, his jaw tighten for just a second. She made a small mental note of his eyes. She'd noticed them before. They were expressive. Quiet. But only now did she find herself thinking they looked exceptionally blue today. She blinked the thought away as he spoke again.

"If she was killed by Geth, they could find out a lot by studying her."

"I know sir, but - "

"She may save more lives in death than in life then."

Ash's heart sank. This wasn't going well. Her disappointment at his words was more evident on her face than she would have liked.

Shepard stood up straight, arms still crossed and stepped towards Ash. He looked her in the eye for a moment and then she saw his soften just a little.

"This is important to you." He said, slightly more quietly than his normal tone.

"Yes sir. Very." She fought the urge to let her eyes plead with him. Thankfully he looked down, nodded and stepped away.

He sighed. "To be honest, Williams I'm not sure how much pull I have. You might be overestimating my importance in the grand scheme of things. But I'll look into it."

Ash's sunken heart bobbed to the surface again and she couldn't help but smile at him. "Thank you sir, I...thank you." she fought to hide her elation. He nodded in acknowledgment and after a second, when there was clearly nothing left for her to say, she smiled, turned and left, feeling just a little less burdened.

**

The airlock opened revealing the colony of Feros. Kaidan squinted as the bright gray light hit his eyes. He wasn't a fan of bright light, especially sunlight. It tended to make his head throb. As he walked out of the Normandy with Shepard and Ash he was struck by the setting. Ancient Prothean ruins stood all around him, towering gray stone that looked slightly ominous. In truth, Feros wasn't much of a habitable place. Clouds of dust and almost no vegetation made it difficult for the colonists there.

"Cheery place," Ash deadpanned. Kaidan silently agreed. Feros was a little depressing.

He noticed a man at the end of the docking path. He half paid attention to the man as he mentioned something about taking them to the colony's leader, Fai Dan, but Kaidan was focuses on the air and space around him. By the time he saw the geth with the rocket launcher it was too late.

"Geth!" Ash yelled as they all pulled their weapons. Fortunately for them, the geth with the launcher was a bad shot and projectile hit a few feet away, sending a shower of small rocks and dust over them. Shepard grabbed the man, who was screaming now and threw him down. The geth had the advantage of cover and were quick to lay down suppressing fire.

"I've got grenades," Ash said, her back against a crate.

"Don't know what's in those crates," Shepard responded between bursts of his own fire.

Kaidan knew the next move was his. There were a lot advantages to having biotic abilities and one of those advantages was the ability to move obstacles from your path. Kaidan waited for a lull in the fire from the geth, when some of them were likely reloading. He felt the hair on his arms stand up with energy, saw the blue glow of his own body manifest and a second later he had fairly easily lifted a number of the crates the geth were hiding behind. It didn't take Shepard and Williams long to take them out without their cover. When they were dead, Kaidan let the crates drop slowly.

He was always amazed at how easy it was for him to move heavy objects. A lot of biotics had to train for years and years before even being able to lift a chair. It had come naturally with Kaidan. He remembered once, when he was twelve, during a particularly heated yelling match on the front lawn with his father, he had accidentally and unknowingly lifted the family car ten feet in the air. It had slammed to the ground, breaking every window. Kaidan had been scared of what he'd done, but not nearly as scared as his father. He would never forget the fear on his face. It had hurt Kaidan. Even at a young age his abilities were remarkable, something he detested for a long time.

"All right let's head to the colony," Shepard said as he helped the still shaking man up from the ground.

The colony was in a sad state. As they made their way through what was now mostly rubble, Kaidan noticed the eyes of the people there. They were red, exhausted. Hunkered behind homemade barricades and keeping watch for geth, they seemed like they'd lost the will to survive. Things were worse than what Kaidan had initially hoped.

Something was...off as the Commander spoke with Fai Dan, the colony's leader. He seemed reluctant to share any information about the colony or colonists. Kaidan could tell that Shepard and Ash were sensing the awkwardness as well. When Fai Dan eventually mentioned illness, Kaidan finally spoke.

"Where's the doctor here?" He asked.

Fai Dan sighed. "Dead. Really we just have Julie Garrick and she hasn't even finished her medical training. People are sick and we don't know what to do."

"I have some medical training," Kaidan said. "Maybe I can give Garrick a hand."

Fai Dan gave a sideways look to the woman standing next to him. Kaidan glanced at Shepard. That was odd.

"All right," Fai Dan finally said. "Julie is in the trailer over there."

"Go check it out, Alenko," Shepard confirmed. Kaidan nodded and walked off in the direction of the trailer. He could feel the colonists watching him. It was eerie.

As he entered the trailer he saw Julie Garick, standing over a console, her back turned to him. She slammed a hand down on the table.

"Damn!" she said, her shoulders hunched in defeat.

"Julie, right?" Kaidan said. She turned quickly to look at him. She was startled. He continued. "I'm Kaidan Alenko. I'm a lieutenant with the Alliance. We're here to help with your geth problem."

She scoffed. "Screw the geth. I've got other problems."

"Yeah I heard. Fai Dan said I could try to help you out. I've got medical training."

"You're a doctor?" She almost looked hopeful.

"No. No I'm not a doctor. Just a medic with a science background."

Julie shrugged. "Better than what I got."

Kaidan noticed a couple of people on stretchers. "What are the symptoms?"

"Well" Julie started. "Ian here won't stop ranting. He's hallucinating. It seems to affect the mind more than the body, though his pulse is high but I suspect that's just due to stress."

Kaidan approached the man on the stretcher, who was shaking. "My name's Kaidan. I'm with the Alliance. How are you feeling?"

Before Kaidan could react, Ian's eyes widened and he shot straight up, grabbing Kaidan by the collar. His eyes had a greenish, bloodshot quality to them and Kaidan saw unmistakable fear in them.

Ian spoke in a harsh whisper. "I know what they're here for!" he said. "But they won't get it. They'll never let them near it!"

"Calm down, Ian!" Julie snapped. She quickly took a syringe gun and injected him with a sedative.

"What did he mean?" Kaidan asked.

"I...I don't know," Julie said. Something felt off to Kaidan about the way she was responding. "He's just been ranting. God knows what about. Anyway maybe you should go. These people need rest."

"He said he knew what they're here for. Did he mean the geth?"

"I don't know, Lieutenant." She was agitated, nervous. It sent all of Kaidan's red flags up. "You'll have to ask Fai Dan," she barked. "Just please...I can handle it from here."

Kaidan silently stood and walked to the door. There was more to this. That was obvious, but it was clear he wouldn't be getting any help from Julie. Or any of the colonists he suspected. Something strange was going on. He took one last look at Ian and exited the trailer.

When he approached Shepard, Ash and Fai Dan he caught the tail end of a conversation describing the geth base at the Exogeni headquarters. Kaidan listened intently as Shepard got directions and waited until they were in the elevator to the skyway to speak.

"Something strange is going on here Shepard," Kaidan said.

"These people are creeping me out," Ash added.

"There was a man in the trailer, ranting about knowing what it was the geth wanted." Kaidan said.

Shepard looked at him. "Did he say anything useful?"

"No. The woman there got jittery and injected him with a sedative. I don't know what's going on Shepard but we're definitely being kept in the dark about something."

Kaidan watched a series of thoughts pass quietly across Shepard's face. "Great," was all he said as the elevator doors opened.

"Nothing like going in completely blind," Ash added, stepping out after Shepard.

As they climbed into the vehicle to travel the skyway, Kaidan hoped they wouldn't meet too many geth on the way.

**

The skyway was littered with Geth and seemed to extend forever on the horizon. Ash was skillfully manning the gun on the vehicle as Kaidan drove expertly through debris, dead geth and charred colonist vehicles. Shepard was quiet, but Ash could practically hear him thinking as he watched everything with intense interest.

There were corpses on the side of the road. Burned, mangled, unrecognizable as human. Ash couldn't help thinking of Eden Prime then and the scorched bodies that littered it around her. She could smell them again and for a moment she thought it was just Feros, but she soon realized it was a phantom odor, one that would haunt her the rest of her life.

Her thoughts were interrupted by radio chatter. "Vehicle approaching. Not geth." She and Shepard exchanged glances.

"More survivors," Kaidan said.

"Let's check it out," Shepard said quietly and after they pulled into their destination they cautiously exited the vehicle, weapons in hand.

Further down a lit ramp, Ash could see colonists manning a homemade barricade. The three of them lowered their weapons as they approached. A thin man approached them.

"That's far enough," he said. His tone was hostile.

"Easy, Jeong," said an older woman next to him. "They're obviously not geth."

"So?" The man named Jeong said. "Doesn't mean they can be trusted."

"Stop being so paranoid," the woman said.

"Calm down," Shepard said in a stern voice that immediately calmed even Ash. She marveled at how he was able to do that. "We're with the Alliance. We're here to help."

"Oh thank god!" The woman said. She stepped forward. "You have to find my daughter." She put her hand on Shepard's chest. She was desperate.

"For the last time, Elizabeth is dead!"

"No!"

"They're all dead!"

"Knock it off!" Shepard scolded. "You're not the only ones here. There are survivors back at Zhu's Hope."

The woman reeled around angrily toward Jeong. "You said they were dead!" She yelled.

"I said they were probably dead!"

"Look!" Shepard barked. "We need to get to the Geth base. How far to Exogeni?"

"Exogeni is a privately funded company," Jeong said. "You can't just go snooping around in there."

Shepard stepped toward him. "I'm not looking for company secrets, Jeong. I'm trying to help you. Relax."

The woman approached Shepard again. "Please," she practically whispered. "My daughter. Elizabeth Baynham could still be alive. There are plenty of places where she could have hidden. Just.." her face distorted with the arrival of tears. "Please find her."

"We'll look for her. I promise," Shepard said. The woman nodded.

"Just keep on the skyway," she said. "You'll run right into Exogeni."

Shepard turned to Ash and Kaidan. "All right let's move out," he said.

Fighting geth was already starting to feel like old hat to Ash. It didn't take them long to reach the facility and to their surprise, Elizabeth Baynham was waiting for them.

"Are you the rescue team?" she said as she ran toward them.

Shepard glanced at Ash. "Elizabeth Baynham?"

She nodded. "You've got to get me out of here."

"We will. Your mother is back at the other barricade."

Elizabeth doubled over with relief. "Oh god. Oh thank god."

Shepard stepped toward her. "Listen Elizabeth. We need to know what these geth are after. Do you have any idea?"

She paused and looked at Ash, then Kaidan, then back at Shepard. "Um," she started. "I think...I think they might be after the Thorian."

"What's a Thorian?" Ash asked.

"It's a...a plant species. Indigenous to Feros. We were studying it."

"Why would the geth be after a plant?" Kaidan asked.

Elizabeth shook her head. "I can't say for sure."

"She's lying," Ash said firmly. She could tell that Shepard knew too.

"Elizabeth," Shepard said. "I need for you to be honest with me."

She shook her head. "I can't."

"Now." Shepard's voice seemed to shake her out of whatever hesitation she had. She sighed and her shoulders dropped.

"Okay," she said. "The Thorian, or Species 37 as we're calling it has unique mind control properties. It uses its spores to....control it's subjects."

"That could be useful to the geth if they get it," Kaidan said.

"Where is this Thorian?" Shepard asked. Ash could hear a hint of frustration and annoyance in his voice. Shepard's patience was waning. He clearly had no tolerance for people and things that made his job difficult.

Elizabeth looked down. "It's under Zhu's hope. They....they were our control group when studying it." She quickly looked up to defend herself. "I disagreed with what they were doing! I tried to stop them! I've been put on disciplinary probation because of it." She shook her head and ran her hand through her hair. "Oh god, what have we done?"

"The Thorian is controlling the colonists," Kaidan said.

Ash couldn't believe what she was hearing. "So what. Exogeni just thought these people were expendable resources? What the hell?" She was angry.

"Explain more on the way," Shepard said. "We need to go."

Elizabeth nodded and they all clamored into the tight space of the Mako and made their way back to the barricade. She explained that the Zhu's Hope group was being monitored to see the effects of the Thorian's spores and how it affects their brains. It was unbelievable, but Ash had never fully trusted corporations anyway.

Ash watched as Elizabeth ran to her crying mother. They embraced and held each other and it occurred to Ash that she hadn't seen her mother in over a year. She missed her.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Joker's voice on the com.

"Uh, Commander?" Joker said.

"What is it Joker?" Shepard replied.

"The colonists have really started to freak out. They're banging on the hull trying to get into the Normandy. What the hell is going on?"

"Sit tight Joker. We're coming back."

"Copy that....sooner would be better than later, just sayin'." And the com beeped off.

"They must be protecting the Thorian," Elizabeth said. "They'll never let you near it."

"So what are we supposed to just gun them down?" Ash asked, hoping the answer would be no.

She watched Shepard think for a moment. "I'd rather not."

"Wait a minute, " Elizabeth said. "What about nerve gas?"

"Nerve gas?" Shepard asked.

"Well not really," Elizabeth admitted. "More like a pesticide. Their weakened immune systems might respond to it."

Ash looked at Shepard. His jaw was clenched in thought. She didn't have an answer. She was hoping there was a way to spare the colonists, but she knew that if they were hostile, they would have to fight back. She wanted Shepard to know exactly what to do. She expected it.

"Okay," he finally said. "We'll equip it to our grenades." He sighed. "Let's hope this works." Ash felt sure it would.

***

When they returned to the gate to Zhu's Hope something caught Shepard's eye.

"What is that?" Kaidan asked. "It looks...what is that?"

Shepard exited the Mako without saying anything and approached a gray, hunched humanoid form. He'd never seen anything like it. He narrowed his eyes as he got closer. It wasn't a colonist. He drew his weapon, edging closer and close and then a wretched guttural groan escaped the figure.

"Jesus," he heard Williams say right behind him. They backed up slowly as the creature stood, gurgling and wheezing. It was like something out of a nightmare. It wasn't a husk like they'd seen on Eden Prime. This was different.

When it saw them it let out an angry, wet scream and suddenly it was charging toward them. Rounds of fire from three different weapons erupted at once, stopping the creature in its tracks and putting it down.

"What the fuck was that?" Williams said. He could hear the slight shaking in her voice as she inched toward the abomination. Shepard knelt down, as did Kaidan. "Is it one of the colonists?" Ash asked, finally putting her weapon away.

"No," Kaidan said. "This isn't....wasn't human." He shook his head. "I don't know what this is. This is new."

"Could it have something to do with the Thorian?" Shepard asked, looking into the greenish, dead eyes of the thing.

"Maybe. It almost looks....plantlike doesn't it?" Kaidan almost touched it but apparently thought otherwise. "If it's something from the Thorian it could be toxic."

"How many of these things could there be you think?" Ash asked.

"I don't know," Kaidan shrugged. "Could be dozens?"

Shepard let out a slightly frustrated growl. He knew it was a bad idea to even entertain the idea that he would have come back, gassed the colonists and blown up the Thorian without much trouble.

"All right," he said. "New wrinkle. Check your targets. I don't want to lose any colonists if we can help it." He shook his head. "But if they won't back down, if they start firing, I expect you both to return fire. It's not ideal but don't hesitate to defend yourselves if I give the order."

"Yes sir," Ash said.

Kaidan sighed. Shepard could tell he was opposed to the possibility of killing the colonists. "Yes sir," he said. Truth was, Shepard was opposed to it too. He had never had to kill an innocent and would make sure it was the very last resort.

When they opened the gate, sure enough there were a dozen of the creatures lurching forward at them. There was no need to give the order to fire as the three of them easily gunned down the encroaching group. It was quiet for just a second before Shepard felt a round slam into his shields. The colonists were firing on them.

"Cover!" He yelled and the three of them scrambled to wherever they could, avoiding the erratic, untrained fire of several colonists behind a barricade. Shepard removed a gas grenade from his belt and threw it as hard as he could toward the shooters. His aim was good. It landed just near their feet and exploded. They yelled out and then fell. And then it was quiet again.

Weapons drawn, Shepard, Ash and Kaidan approached the still bodies of the colonists. Kaidan checked them.

"They're alive," he said. "Nice toss, Shepard."

"Least we know they work." Shepard replied. He slapped the heat sink out of his assault rifle. He was relieved. Maybe there was a chance they wouldn't lose anyone after all.

Predictably there were more putrid creatures on their path, as well as more colonists taking shots. With each lob of gas grenade, Shepard tensed, almost praying that he didn't mess it up, that the grenade didn't land just out of range.

What kind of plant could control the minds of these people, he thought.

When it was all over, the bodies of two dozen creatures lay strewn on the ground and the still breathing colonists were all knocked out as well. After an initial check of vitals, they discovered that no one had even been hit in the crossfire.

"Nice job," Shepard said.

"I don't know how the hell we did it," Ash said. "But thank god we did."

Noise from a few feet away caused them all to whirl around, guns drawn. Fai Dan, the colony's leader limped toward them, a pained expression on his face. At first Shepard thought he'd been hit in the firefight, but he noticed he wasn't bleeding. As Fai Dan raised his weapon at them, they tensed and Shepard realized he was out of grenades. He needed to give him a chance regardless.

"Fai Dan," Shepard commanded. "Put the weapon down."

"It…wants me to kill you." Fai Dan said.

"Fight it." Shepard said. "Come on, put it down. We can end this."

"But I won't," Fai Dan continued. "I won't do it." He strained. And Shepard could barely react before Fai Dan brought the gun to his temple and pulled the trigger.

"Jesus," Kaidan said.

"Dammit!" Shepard cursed. "Let's get this over with."

Kaidan punched a few buttons on the console and a low mechanical groan began. A passage to a stairway leading down was revealed. The three of them approached.

"Any ideas on how to destroy a mind controlling plant?" Ash asked

Shepard shrugged and looked at her. "Fight dirty?"

She smirked, her brown eyes looking mischievous. "Yes sir," she said playfully and cranked a new heat sink into her shotgun. He had to let the corner of his mouth turn up.

They descended the staircase, quickly. The air was moist and dank.

"What is that smell?" Kaidan asked.

"Whatever it is it's nasty." Ash added.

The hallways opened to a large main area and there in the middle was a monstrous, gigantic, pulsing creature. Shepard's mouth almost fell open and he lowered his weapon.

"What the hell is that?" Ash asked.

"That's a plant?" Kaidan said.

Shepard sighed. "Nothing's ever simple is it?" He started his approach to it.

"Careful, Shepard" Kaidan cautioned. The creature throbbed and breathed. It clung to the walls with tendril-like appendages over a deep chasm. As Shepard approached it began convulsing in a grotesque way. The form of an asari seemed to birth itself from the creature's grasp. It stood and looked at them.

"Invaders," She said, her eyes cold.

After a long, confused silence, Shepard spoke. "Who are you?" It seemed like an odd question given their circumstances.

"I speak for the old growth, whom you would seek to enslave just as the other flesh did." Her words were even and monotone.

"Other...I'm here for the colonists. Release them."

She didn't seem to hear. "We listened to flesh for the first time. No more. And now you die."

With that the asari glowed to life with blue biotic power.

"Okay I guess we're not negotiating," Shepard said quickly as the three of them took steps to run to cover.

Inhuman groans surrounded them.

"Left!" Kaidan shouted as he spun and took out two of the creatures they'd encountered earlier with precise headshots. There were so many of them. It reminded Shepard briefly of the zombie movies he'd seen as a kid.

The fight was long and hard. They kept coming in waves. When one asari would be put down by gunfire another would slither it's way from the opening in the Thorian and continue the fight. The constant barrage of toxic, lumbering creepers was tiresome. Shepard actually wondered if they might run out of ammo.

"Commander!" Ash yelled. "Look!" Ash was pointing at a large, pulsating tendril gripping the walls of the ancient structure. "That's a long way down for it to drop if it loses its grip."

"Nice catch, Williams!" Shepard yelled over gunfire. "Kaidan, hold them off!"

"You got it!" Kaidan yelled. He released a wave of dark matter toward the encroaching horde of creepers, knocking them back, buying Shepard and Ashley time. They went to work, firing at close range at the fleshy, slimy growth. Eventually, with a burst of rank green fluids it released, unable to grasp the wall anymore. A sound that could only be described as a scream of pain came from the body of the beast. "That did something!" Kaidan yelled as he tossed one of the asari clones over the ledge to her death.

"Let's find another one!" Shepard ordered. They moved around the area in a quick sweep, detaching another, two more, three more grips from the structure. With each assault the creature seemed to groan and slip slightly downward. As one tentacle like arm fell, it slammed into the ground just next to Ash's feet, breaking through it as if it was nothing. Ash gasped and lost her footing as the floor beneath her crumbled.

"Williams!" Shepard barked as he watched her fall through the floor to the level below. He hit his comm. "Williams do you copy? Williams!" There was frantic static on the other end. He ran to the gaping hole in the ground and looked down. The dust was too thick to see anything.

"I see another one!" Kaidan pointed at another tentacle.

Shepard looked at the hole his squad mate had just fallen through, then at the tendril. "Let's take it out!" He decided. Williams would have to wait for just a minute.

They detached the final, desperately clinging arm and the Thorian groaned and screeched and flailed as it fell. It fell and fell and when Shepard looked over the edge he could see neither the bottom of the chasm, nor the creature itself.

"No way it could have survived that fall," Kaidan said.

Shepard touched his comm again, suddenly frantic. "Williams. Williams come in. Do you copy?"

The static finally crackled to life with Williams' voice. "I copy, sir." Shepard sighed relief at the sound of her voice, though she sounded like she was in pain.

"We're coming down," Shepard said. He and Kaidan climbed carefully down through the rubble. Ash was in a sitting position, hunched over in pain.

Kaidan ran to her and knelt down. "Look at me," he said. She did and Shepard could see that her face was beaten badly and her nose was clearly broken and bleeding. He glanced at the dead asari clone not far from Ashley. The asari's head looked like it had been bashed in repeatedly with a rock.

"Lost my weapon," Ash grunted, clearly in bad shape. She was holding her side as well. "She came at me like a fucking truck. Didn't even use biotics just kicked my ass with some weird ass martial arts." She gently batted Kaidan's hand away from her face. She was a little out of it. "So fast," she said. "Got lucky when I found a rock. Bashed her fucking skull in." Her eyes were closed now and her head rested on the wall behind her.

"Way to fight dirty," Shepard commented. Ashley scoffed a laugh and pushed Kaidan's hand away again.

"I'm all right," she said. "I feel fine."

"Well you look like shit," Kaidan said. "And your nose is busted."

"Shit," she said, seeming to realize for the first time.

"I'm gonna...put it back....where it goes now," Kaidan said, cringing a little.

"Just be quick about it," Ash said. The strength in her voice was back, but she sounded nervous now.

"This'll hurt," Kaidan warned gently. He put his hands on either side of her nose. She closed her eyes tight in anticipation. Shepard cringed a little waiting as well. And then he heard the snap of Ash's nose being righted and his stomach turned a little. She growled in pain and lashed out, landing a hard punch on the chest of Kaidan's ablative plate armor, no doubt hurting her hand.

"Fuck!" She yelled. She breathed heavily for a few seconds and her eyes watered. "Holy shit, Kaidan."

"Sorry," he said and touched the side of her face apologetically. He and Shepard both reached down and pulled her to her feet. She limped a little and held her side.

"All right, walk it off Chief," Shepard encouraged. He patted her shoulder.

She gave him a thumbs up. "I'm good, sir," she said.

"I guess I should thank you," came a voice from behind them. Shepard whirled around and raised his weapon as an asari stood before him, her hands up in surrender. She looked exactly like the dead asari on the ground.

"Who are you?" Shepard asked.

"My name is Shiala," she answered. "You...you freed me from the Thorian's grasp. I...thank you."

Shepard put his weapon down. "All right. Start talking."

She nodded. "You're looking for Saren," she said.

"How did you know that?"

"I serve..." She looked down. "I served Matriarch Benezia. When she allied herself with Saren I did as well. I joined with the Thorian to learn the secrets of the Protheans, a cipher of information that I then passed to Saren. Saren knows you are looking for him. And he is looking for the conduit. I can pass this information to you as well, just as I passed it to Saren."

"Why would you help us?" Shepard asked.

She looked sad. "Saren was quick to betray my loyalty. And he was quick to betray the Thorian as well. Once he had the information he was seeking..."

Shepard nodded. "What do you mean you can pass the information to me?"

"I can join my mind with yours."

"That sounds invasive."

"It is."

Shepard looked at Kaidan and Ashley. They both looked suspicious. "All right fine. Do it." he said. He stepped toward her.

She stepped toward him as well until her face was close to his. "Try to relax, Commander," She said. "Breathe deep. Open yourself to the universe and its secrets." Shepard relaxed as much as possible but he couldn't help raising an eyebrow in skepticism. "Embrace eternity" Shiala said. And then Shepard was hit with a wave of information. A barrage of images much like the ones he'd seen when he interacted with the beacon on Eden Prime. There was more this time. And more pain. More suffering. The collective memory of an entire species. Just when he thought his head might burst from the overload of information, Shiala released him and he was back to reality. He steadied himself. He was dizzy.

"You okay, Shepard?" Kaidan asked.

Shepard took a moment. "Yeah. I think so," he said.

"I'm sorry if you have suffered, but it was the only way," Shiala said.

"We should get you back to the ship," Ash said. "You look a little pale."

Shepard looked at Shiala. "What should I do with you?" He asked.

"If you will allow it, I would like to stay with the colonists and help them," She said. "I must atone for the damage I have helped cause. I..." She looked ashamed. "I thought I was doing the right thing."

Shepard sighed. He suddenly just wanted to get back on the ship. His head was killing him. "Fine," he said. "Sounds good."

Shepard, Kaidan and Ashley made their way back up to the colony, and eventually back to the Normandy. Shepard needed to rest. His mind felt full. It was exhausting and physically taxing. The experience of joining minds with Shiala was like nothing he had ever experienced. Unlike the beacon, which felt more like he was a simple observer, the joining with Shiala had felt active, mutually exhausting. He had heard about how asari often joined with the nervous system of another being in order to mate or simply make love. This was not that, but it had felt oddly intimate.

Shepard closed his eyes on his bunk, trying to make sense of what he had seen and felt.

***

The shower couldn't be hot enough for Ash. The steam rose around her in the stall. She let the stream of water hit her bruised and broken face and it coated her aching, black and blue body. Aside from her broken nose, she hadn't truly realized the extent of her injuries. A cracked rib, a black eye, a busted lip. She felt like she'd been hit by a sledgehammer.

Here eyes were closed and she let herself drift in the comfort of the hot water. Robert Ndele, one of the marines from her unit on Eden Prime popped into her head. She remembered his goofy smile and how he'd once told her she was really beautiful. She smiled a little at the thought and then her smile faded as she thought of the rest of them. One by one, the individual faces of her friends crashed over her in waves. Her mind chattered with snippets of conversations she'd had with them, their laughter, jokes they'd shared. Over and over, Ash was bombarded by her memories. They were insistent, demanding to be acknowledged.

It took her a moment to realize she was crying. Tears joined the water on her face in an silent release. She'd been blocking, trying not to think of Eden Prime, of her unit, of the colonists, of how she'd failed them. She fought hard against her brain. It was a whirlwind of very detailed faces, experiences, feelings. She simply couldn't hold back. She stood perfectly still, still unable to allow her body to fully convulse or shudder. Anyone looking at her would have never known she was crying. She liked it that way.

After a few moments, the voices and pictures began to fade away one by one. Ash swallowed hard, pushing the last remaining echo back into the recesses of her heart and then it was silent again in the bathroom except for the sound of the water.

She finished up and got dressed, trying to ignore that she was shaking.

***

Shepard fought a yawn as he headed for the mess hall. He'd heard he could find Williams there and he had news for her. He was surprised to find her alone, sitting at the table silently. She hadn't heard him approach so he stopped for moment to look at her. She looked very sad, staring into her coffee cup. She was in another world. Her face injuries still looked angry and painful. Shiala's clone had really done a number on her.

He finally stepped forward. "Williams," he said. She jumped a little, then looked up and laughed at herself, slightly embarrassed by her reaction. Shepard almost smiled. "Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's okay," she said. She fiddled with her cup. He could tell part of her was still distracted.

"How's the face?" he asked. He looked at it in detail, noticed the cut on her full lips and the frame of purple that surrounded her brown eyes. Even with the bruises she managed to form a genuine smile.

"I'll live," she said. "What can I do for you sir?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to let you know that Nirali Bhatia's body is being released to her husband." Shepard couldn't quite place the look on Ash's face. Here eyes were wide and her mouth formed slowly into a small grin. She looked surprised and elated all at once. Shepard could have sworn she was going to jump up and hug him. Instead she blinked and a peaceful relaxation washed over her.

"Sir, I...how did you...?"

"Guy at the affairs office owed me a favor."

"I..." She looked him in the eye and he could have sworn he saw hers moisten momentarily. And then she looked away quickly. "Sir I don't know how to thank you for this."

"It was no trouble." It had, actually been a fair bit of trouble and Shepard had called in a couple of favors. He might have let the whole thing drop if he hadn't seen the look on her face when she'd asked him about it. Closure was a rare thing in their line of work and he wanted to give it to her if he could.

She looked at him again. "You have no idea how important this was to me."

He met her gaze with his. "I think I do," he said quietly. He knew because he'd been where she was, felt the guilt of being a lone survivor. He nodded then and turned to walk out.

"Commander?" Ash called to him. He turned back around. "Can I ask you a personal question?" He nodded and crossed his arms. She paused. "When did you...start to feel normal again... after Akuze?"

He took a deep breath. In a way he was happy she asked him that. It suggested that she was dealing with what she was going through, which was a good sign. Another part of him knew there was no good way to answer her question.

"Took a long time," he finally said. He stepped closer to her. "It's never gonna go away, Williams." He was speaking softly. "I couldn't save my unit." He hadn't let himself think of them in a long time. It hit him in the gut. "All I can do is be better for it. Just keep going and hope what I'm doing is making a difference."

Williams smiled at him, her eyes warm on his. "It is, Sir." She sighed, sounding relieved. "Thank you."

Shepard nodded again, smiled thinly and turned to walk away. He knew the weight that had just been lifted from Williams' shoulders. He wished there was a way for him to relieve the same weight he'd felt for years. He decided not to let himself think about it more. They had to get to Therum.


	6. Down Time

**Chapter 6: Down Time**

Tali stood over the console in the engine room and sighed. It was so quiet on board the Normandy. She hadn't really been able to sleep. She'd been bunking with the engineering crew, who all seemed nice enough, but she still felt out of place and lonely. On the Flotilla, everyone was separated by their envirosuits. They were at the very least, alone together. Here, she was finding it difficult to communicate in a way that wasn't awkward. She could see everyone's face, every expression, every reaction to her words. Not that the reactions had been negative, but she just wasn't so used to reading peoples' expressions.

She saw Fitzer approach her. "Hey Tali," he said.

"Oh. Hello Fitzer." She responded. Fitzer was a strange little human. He was hyper, a little twitchy and talked a mile a minute.

"You know you can call me Elliot if you want," Fitzer said again.

"Sure…Elliot" Tali said. She got the feeling that Fitzer had a bit of a crush on her, something that confused and amused her. She had no interest of course, but found it interesting that a human, or any species other than a quarian for that matter, would find a quarian attractive. She supposed it could have been her personality, but she rarely even spoke to Fitzer, often finding him awkward.

"Hey a few of us are getting together in the mess in a few minutes to play some poker. You wanna join?"

Tali thought about this for a second. "I'm not sure I know what poker is," she said.

"Oh that's no problem," Fitzer said. He shrugged and leaned on the console next to hers awkwardly. "I...I could teach you."

"Thanks, Fitz…um…Elliot, but I really have to get this done," she lied. She didn't want to blow him off, and the thought of socializing with the crew was appealing to her, but she still felt strange. She still wasn't sure exactly how welcome she was on this ship. Aside from the engineers, Tali hadn't spoken to anyone else much.

"Oh," Fitzer said. He looked hurt. "Okay. Next time then," he said.

"Yes. Next time," she said. Fitzer smiled and walked off and Tali sighed again, returning to her busywork.

**

Shepard wasn't quite sure what to do with himself. It would be hours until they hit the Artemis Tau cluster, where they would attempt to locate the archeologist, Dr. Tsoni. The Normandy was the fastest ship in the Alliance fleet, but it still meant down time when you had to travel to the vast outer reaches of the galaxy. Most of the crew had found ways to entertain themselves. He noticed the gym was a little more crowded, he'd heard the engineers listening to music in the back by the drive core and most of the crew had been keeping themselves entertained in the mess, playing cards or watching extranet vids. Even Joker had allowed their second string helmsman Specialist Crosby to take control for awhile.

Shepard had used some of his time to answer long ignored emails. He wasn't very good at keeping up with correspondence and when he did, most of his responses were short and to the point. Shepard didn't like email. He never really revealed anything too personal in them. He also couldn't tell anyone where he was or what he was doing. He had composed very brief replies to his mother and a few buddies he knew from his basic and N7 days. He caught up on some news, did some extra research on Asari biotic ability, and finished up the details on a couple outstanding reports.

More than anything, Shepard was trying to make himself scarce around the ship. The crew deserved to relax a little. Downtime was necessary to prepare them for stressful situations and he worried that too much of his presence might make them all feel a little uptight. But now he was out of things to do. He supposed he could re-read the system stats on Artemis Tau for what seemed like the fortieth time, but the thought made him cringe.

His call button chirped and Crosby's voice came over the comm.

"Sir, you have a message coming in. Civilian channel."

Shepard thought that was odd. "Okay. Put it through, Crosby."

"Yes sir," Crosby said.

Shepard furrowed his brow as he sat at his console trying to figure out who it could be. It wouldn't be his mother or father. They rarely spoke unless something was important. No one else knew where he was. He decided to stop guessing and simply hit the answer button.

The image of Jessica Harris popped into frame. He couldn't quite read the look on her face. But he could tell the look on his was one of confusion and surprise.

"John?" She said. "Are you there?"

He nodded.

"Jess. Hey….I'm here." There was an awkward pause and then Jess laughed uncomfortably.

"Uh...hey there." She said.

Shepard couldn't help but sort of chuckle at the look of surprise and confusion on her fair skinned face.

"Hey Jess. How are you?" he asked.

"Good. Good." There was another uncomfortable pause. "Been a long time." Another agonizing pause. "You are a hard man to reach. I've been on this thing for like a week with the Alliance trying to track you down. They won't tell me where you actually are, but it was nice of them to finally patch me through."

A pause. There were already too many pauses. She seemed to fiddle with her long red hair nervously for a second.

"You look good, Jess." Shepard couldn't help but smile at her. He knew he would always care about her in some way and it was nice to be speaking with her again even with the awkwardness.

"Thanks. You too." They both laughed.

"Thanks." He ran a hand over his short hair. He was trying not to appear flustered, but it had been a long time since they'd seen each other and he was suddenly feeling like the person he was when he knew her – vulnerable. Old habits died real hard, he thought.

"They keep you pretty busy huh? Where are you right now anyway?" she asked.

"Ah. I can't really say." She nodded. She knew the drill. Shepard cleared his throat and continued. "You're in Arizona now is that right?"

"Yeah um… I mean there was no sense in me sticking around the Alliance base since…" She trailed off, but he knew that she'd meant to say "since you left."

"Right." He was trying not to ask too many questions. He wasn't a part of her life anymore so nothing was really any of his business.

After another long pause, Jess sighed.

"John," she said, her tone serious. "Did you send a ton of credits to my bank account a few days ago?"

"Yeah. About that…That was supposed to be anonymous." He silently cursed himself for ever thinking to do it in the first place.

"Yeah well the bank messed up. It had your name all over it." She looked confused. "Why did you do that?"

Shepard sighed. It was time to come clean. "I really don't know. I just…had it and it hit me." He said.

"Yeah." He could tell she was kind of amused. "John, you know I can't accept this."

"Look, Jess" he started. "I know the last time we talked things were…" He paused when he thought of the stupid things he'd said. It was months after they'd split. He'd been drunk and he'd practically begged her to leave Earth and come be with him. They'd fought. She'd asked him not to call again. She was looking at him affectionately. Her green eyes warm.

"And is this your way of apologizing?" she asked. "Because-"

"No no," he said quickly. "It's not an apology." He was suddenly embarrassed. "I _am _sorry about that, by the way."

"I know," she said. "It's okay. It's water under the bridge."

"Yeah. Anyway I just had the extra credits and I thought maybe you could use them. That's all."

"I..." She sighed. "John, you don't always have to be the hero. I mean –"

"Jess just," he cut her off. "Just take it. Please." He looked at her eyes. He knew she knew he wouldn't budge on it. He watched her let it go.

She shook her head. "Okay," she shrugged. "Wow," she laughed. "Thank you…John." she said softly.

"It's nothing. It was barely even mine. I didn't even earn it. How's Jack?" he asked, changing the subject.

She smiled. "He's good. He's real good. He saw you on the vids. First human Spectre? You're big news here on Earth."

Shepard laughed. "Great," he said.

"Yeah I know how much you love being the center of attention." They laughed.

Shepard was resisting the urge to ask her more questions about her life. He decided to go before his curiosity got the better of him.

"Listen, Jess I...I gotta run now but um… It's good to talk to you."

She smiled warmly. "Take care of yourself, John." She said.

"You too." He smiled and hit the disconnect button.

Shepard felt relieved. He cracked his neck to one side. That had been relatively painless and he felt surprisingly lighter, as if a tiny weight he didn't even know was there had been lifted off of him. He hadn't realized how much the way they'd left things had bothered him. But now that he knew Jess and Jack were okay and happy, now that he knew she didn't hate him, he felt good. He'd always convinced himself he didn't care about closure, but he had to admit it was nice.

He took a deep breath, stood and stretched. He thought briefly about what his life could have been with Jess and Jack. It would have been nice. But it wasn't the life for him. He looked around his cabin. He was right where he wanted to be.

**

"Dammit!" Joker cursed as Ash laughed and took his chips.

"I told you I was good!" Ash said. "You shouldn't bet your life savings when you play with me."

Kaidan had to chuckle. Ash was wiping the floor with all of them at Skyllian Five.

"You know," Fitzer said. "Your enthusiasm for bleeding us dry is really starting to disturb me."

Ash giggled. It was good to see her finally relaxed. Kaidan had been keeping an eye on her since Eden Prime. She didn't seem like the type to just open up and discuss her issues, but he could tell that as of a couple days ago she was dealing better with what happened. She seemed less burdened somehow; lighter. And her smile was finally genuine instead of a mask for her true feelings. He was much less worried about her and her job performance now.

"How the hell did you get so good at this anyway, Williams?" Joker asked.

Ash shrugged. "Lots of down time when you're stuck groundside. Made a killing on the mining facility on Zion, but there were only a thousand people there so they ran out of money." She smiled.

"You been mostly groundside then?" Fitzer asked.

Kaidan noticed a subtle shift in Ash's comfort level. "Uh yeah," she said. "Mostly." Her posture suggested she wasn't interested in elaborating.

"Whadja do? Mouth off to your COs?" Joker asked.

"Probably just took all their money at poker," Kaidan interjected. He'd gotten the hint, but Joker apparently hadn't. "Anyway let's deal." As he shuffled the cards, he could see Ash relax again next to him.

Fitzer reached down under the table and pulled a bottle of whiskey up. He sat it on the table and smiled. Kaidan just looked at him.

"Fitzer," Kaidan said. "You know that's contraband."

Fitzer looked surprised at Kaidan's statement. Joker and Ash just looked at Fitzer, both with the same expression that said he was an idiot.

"Well yeah, but-" Fitzer started.

"And you didn't forget that I'm an officer right?" Kaidan interrupted.

"No sir, I just thought…"

"Oh my god," Ash sounded like she was trying hard not to laugh.

"You moron!" Joker said.

"What?!" Fitzer seemed genuinely clueless. Kaidan just shook his head. "You all have stashes!"

"Maybe," Joker said. "But if I do I don't shove it right under the nose of my superiors….jackass."

Ash's hand was covering her mouth as she stifled her giggle.

Fitzer looked at Kaidan, deflated. "I'm sorry, sir. I don't know what I was thinking."

Kaidan laughed. He had no intention of browbeating the poor guy. He sighed. "I'll let it slide," he said, still pretending to be angry, but even he was having trouble not laughing at Fitzer's expression. "This time." Joker was shaking his head. "Word of advice, Fitzer."

"Yes sir?"

"Don't pull this crap with Shepard."

Fitzer nodded. "Noted."

There was a long pause before Kaidan spoke again. "Well are you gonna pass that bottle or just sit there?" He wanted to break the tension. He knew as the officer of the group he could, and probably should write up Fitzer for his possession of contraband, but he also knew everyone had contraband of some kind. And the crew deserved some fun.

Fitzer finally relaxed and smiled. "Yes sir!" He said and pushed it over to Kaidan. Kaidan wasn't a drinker really. It tended to exacerbate his migraines. But he took a small swig regardless and set it back on the table. It was good whiskey.

"Gimme," Ash said and took it from Kaidan. She took a swig too.

When it got to Joker, he declined. "I still have to fly this thing, remember?" He said. "Anyway I thought you were saving this so you could seduce the quarian."

Everyone looked at Fitzer, who looked suddenly embarrassed. "What?" He said.

Joker turned to Kaidan and Ashley. "Oh yeah. Fitzer's got a thing for the quarian in engineering."

"Tali," Fitzer said. "Her name is Tali…and I don't have a 'thing' for her, okay? I just…think she's really smart."

"You've got a crush on an alien?" Ash said. "That's new."

"It's not that new, Chief" Kaidan said. "You'd be surprised."

Ash looked at him. "You're saying you think aliens are hot?" She kidded.

"Not really my thing," he said. "But asari are okay."

"Pfft," Joker scoffed. "Asari are way more than okay. They're kind of ridiculously hot."

"Yup," Fitzer said.

"Really?" Ash looked thoughtful. "I don't get it. They're…blue." She looked at Kaidan expecting an answer.

He put his hands up in defense. "Don't look at me, Chief," he said. "Like I said it's not my thing." That wasn't entirely true. Kaidan did have a slight fascination with the Asari. Most human men did. And they did seem sensual in nature, regardless of their mono-gendered asexual qualities. He never understood why people called them asexual. As far as he was concerned they were all female, with female anatomy and mannerisms. He, like anyone else was curious.

"Oh right," Joker said. "Your 'thing' is for Wesson right?"

Kaidan's jaw clenched. "What?"

"Wesson. You try to deny it, but I know there's something going on between you two. Come on, we've already given Fitzer shit. Let's talk about you."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Kaidan said. He did, in fact know what Joker was talking about. Lisa Wesson, one of the techs on the Normandy had a painfully obvious and slightly uncomfortable affection for Kaidan. She hadn't come right out and said anything, but it was clear. He'd been careful not to do or say anything that could be construed as reciprocation. He wasn't interested. Not really, though he had to admit she was extremely attractive.

"You got a girlfriend, L.T?" Ash kidded as she sipped the whiskey again.

"No!" He snapped. "Not at all. Joker's just an ass."

Joker looked around to make sure no one was in the mess. "She is all over him," he said in a lowered voice.

"That's enough," Kaidan said sternly. "Stop gossiping about your crewmates. There's nothing between Wesson and me and there never will be. And I won't let you make a person who is good at her job become the subject of the rumor mill. Got it?"

Joker's face contorted. "You're no fun."

"I know," Kaidan replied.

Fitzer took a couple of rather large swigs from the bottle and made a face. "So what about you, Williams?" He asked.

"Uh uh." She responded.

"Come on," he said. "You can tell us. What you got a boyfriend back home or…?"

Ash sighed, looking at her cards. "I'm saving myself for Joker," she deadpanned and switched out a couple cards in her hand.

"Okay that's just mean," Joker said. Ash laughed. Kaidan laughed. Fitzer laughed. "Oh okay that's funny. That's…I'm a joke to you. That's great. Super. Let's just play the damn game." Despite Joker's bitter delivery of his words, Kaidan could tell he was amused.

Kaidan was enjoying this little bit of free time with the crew. Mostly because he knew there would be very little of it in the near future. He sighed and played his hand.

**

It was getting later. Most of the crew would probably be winding down about now, and Shepard was bored so he decided to stretch his legs. No sense in getting cabin fever.

As soon as he opened the door he heard the laugh of his new Gunnery Chief, Ashley Williams coming from the mess down the hall. There was other laughter too, but hers stood out. She had an honest, full laugh that he suspected didn't come forth too easily. The corner of his mouth turned up a little as he entered the mess. Williams, Kaidan, Fitzer and Joker were sitting there, playing poker. Joker was in the arduous process of standing to leave.

"Aw come on, Joker" Ash teased. "We only took most of your chips." She looked up at Shepard with a small smile and Shepard quickly noticed now nice her lips were. It was an out of place thought to have, but it popped into his head anyway. Since he'd met her, several little things about her physical appearance had taken a brief second to poke his brain and make him take notice.

"Hey Commander," Kaidan said.

"Commander," Fitzer and Joker both echoed at the same time.

Joker looked at Ash and pointed at her. "Watch out, Commander. The Chief doesn't play fair."

"That doesn't surprise me," Shepard said. Joker laughed.

"Anyway I gotta get back up there. I don't trust this baby to anyone else. See you all later." Joker walked away gingerly in his leg braces.

Ash looked at Shepard. "What do you say, Skipper?" She asked. "We need a fourth." Shepard noticed her use of the term "Skipper." He hadn't expected that. It was a nick name that might have been annoying to him except that she seemed to say it with great respect, and he admitted to himself, it didn't hurt that she was easy on the eyes. Her nose, broken recently on Feros looked no worse for the wear. Kaidan had done a good job of snapping it back into place and it didn't even seem bruised anymore. She still had some light bruising on the side of her face and around one of her light brown eyes, but her lip had healed, as had a small cut on her cheekbone.

The three crew members looked at Shepard expectantly. He shrugged slightly.

"Deal me in," he said and sat down. He noticed a small bottle of whiskey sitting on the table. The others seemed to notice it at the same time he did. They suddenly looked a little nervous. The left side of Shepard's mouth fought a smile and he glanced at Ash, who noticed it, smirked back and grabbed the bottle. She took a small, defiant swig and pushed it across the table to Shepard, who finally allowed himself a tiny grin. Kaidan and Fitzer smiled too.

"You know, Chief," he started. "It's against regs to drink in uniform."

Fitzer opened his mouth to make a comment and Ash quickly silenced him before he spoke. Shepard hadn't really meant to make it that easy for a suggestive joke.

"Don't even, Fitzer," she warned. Shepard was amused at the biting tone of her voice.

"Okay," Shepard said, nearly chuckling. "Everyone here has permission to speak freely, except Fitzer." Everyone laughed. "What's the game?" he asked.

"Skyllian Five," Ash said. "Doesn't really matter. I'll be taking all your chips anyway."

"It's true," said Fitzer, with just a hint of slur. "She's good."

Fitzer had clearly had the majority of the whiskey. His eyes were red and he looked tired. Fitzer was a good guy, if a little eager and slightly hyper. Engineers were weird anyway. He rose from the table.

"I'm out," he said. "I have to sleep."

"Yeah sleep it off," Ash cracked.

"Commander," he said and then gave a wave behind him to everyone as he walked off.

When he was gone, Shepard dealt the next hand.

"We were just talking about family," Kaidan said. "Apparently Williams here has three sisters that are just as hot headed as she is."

Ashley scoffed. "Not quite. What about you, L.T? Siblings?"

Kaidan examined his cards and then spoke. "Younger sister. How 'bout it, Shepard? Got any brothers and sisters?"

"Nope," Shepard said. "Only child. Military parents. They didn't have time for more." He smiled.

"Yeah," Ash laughed. "With schedules like ours it's a wonder any of us even have any kids."

"Yeah my dad was military," Kaidan said. "But he's not a real big fan of the Alliance."

"That must be tough," Williams said as she tossed in a couple chips.

"Eh," Kaidan responded. There was clearly a story there, but Kaidan looked like he didn't feel like sharing. "Your dad was in the Alliance, right Williams?"

Ash paused, looking intently at her cards. "Yup." She said simply. Shepard knew exactly why she was hesitant to talk about it. He had finally gotten to read her file thoroughly and understood why it was such a sensitive subject.

"I guess we're all Navy brats," Kaidan said. "Chief, you mentioned being groundside a lot. Why no starships?" Kaidan asked.

Ashley sighed. "My transfer requests kept getting denied. I'll take two cards." She clearly didn't want to talk about it. Shepard tossed her two cards from the top.

"I'll see and raise you," Kaidan said confidently, tossing chips in.

Ash laughed. "Okay, but it's your funeral, LT."

"Maybe I have a good hand," Kaidan said.

"You also have the worst poker face I've ever seen." Ash was clearly a competitive sort and not just in poker. She was driven and ambitious and powerful and Shepard liked that. She fell in line as a soldier, but she had a sort of wild energy that he got the feeling was tough for people to keep in check off the battlefield. It intrigued him.

"Call," Shepard said. Kaidan sighed.

"All right I'm out," he conceded. He tossed his cards down and stood. "I'm starting to get a headache. I'd better get some rest before it turns into a migraine."

"Sore loser," Ash quipped.

"Smug winner," Kaidan retorted. He patted her shoulder once as he walked by her, then nodded at Shepard. "Commander," he said and walked out.

Shepard had noticed that Ash and Kaidan got along especially well. He liked to see his crew being friendly. He'd always thought it was important. Shepard had always been pretty close with most of the marines he served with, but it was difficult for him to be in the thick of all the camaraderie anymore since he'd taken a command position. He missed it.

Ash looked at him, holding her cards up. She smiled mischievously.

"And then there were two," She said. Shepard smiled just a little and met her eyes. He was smacked then with an instantaneous intensity between them and quickly looked away, to the bottle of whiskey that still sat on the table.

"Pass me that," he said. She did. He hadn't taken a swig yet, hadn't thought of it, but he suddenly thought _what the hell_ and tossed back a small amount. A comfortable fire traveled down to his belly.

"What do you say, Shepard?" Ash asked. "Ready to give me everything you got?"

"Might not be that easy, Chief," he said and tossed another chip in.

"You're almost out of chips. What are you gonna offer me when they're gone?" She teased playfully. Shepard suspected she was flirting, but it was difficult to tell. Ash seemed to have a naturally playful nature when she was relaxed. He didn't have a problem with flirting. Flirting wasn't against the rules.

"I'll think of something," he said. It hit him then just how stunning Ash actually was. Her dark hair was back in her usual military style and he noticed the curve of her slender neck. Her lips, even with no gloss or color stood out, full and sensual. And while she wore no eye makeup, her dark eyes were framed dramatically by her long, thick eyelashes. He realized he'd been silent for too long, and now he suddenly felt the need to slice through any sexual tension. "You know I figured out why you're so hard on yourself." Her face changed and he thought maybe he'd hit a nerve. He had a habit of being blunt, even off duty.

But then she smiled. "I doubt that," she said.

"Okay," he said. "Fair enough. I assume too much."

"Yeah," she said. "Anyway what makes you think I'm hard on myself?" She seemed uncomfortable.

"Just a feeling I got," he dismissed. "Anyway I finally had a chance to look at your file."

Ash lowered her cards and looked at him. Her look was challenging. She was clearly defensive. "And?" She said evenly. She was ready for a fight it seemed.

"I know all about your grandfather, about Shanxi and what happened."

Ash barely blinked. "His troops were _starving_. Innocent people were dying." She seemed angry. Not at Shepard, but just in general. "They didn't have the resources to do anything to stop the damn Turians. He had no choice. He had to surrender to save lives." Shepard got the feeling she had said the exact same thing to more than a few people in the past.

He put a hand up. "Its okay, Williams. You don't have to defend him to me." She seemed to relax. "I'd have done the same thing. Anyone would have."

Ash scoffed. "Yeah I know. That's the real bitch. He made the right decision, but everyone needed someone to blame." She took a deep breath to calm herself. "They brought him home in shackles. Called him a disgrace to the Alliance. It was all bullshit. And now the Williams name is like the plague. No one will touch it." She shrugged. "That's why I've been stuck groundside." She looked at him and laughed at herself. "I…apologize, sir. I got too personal. It's just a…touchy subject."

"No need to apologize," Shepard said. "You can speak freely with me."

She smirked. "Oh you're gonna regret you said that."

They smiled at each other. "I doubt that," Shepard said. "Look, you got a raw deal. But don't let it get to you. Your technical scores on file are great and your superiors had nothing but good things to say about your performance."

Ash seemed calm now. "A Williams has to be better than everybody else. That's what my dad said anyway." She laughed. "He never made it above Serviceman 3rd class so he was real proud when I made Chief. First thing he did was salute. It takes a special kind of thick headed to go into a job where your family's been blacklisted. I enlisted anyway."

"Nothing wrong with having a hard head," Shepard said. "So tell me about him. Your dad."

Ash shrugged. "Not much to tell. He passed on a few years back. Loved the Alliance, took any crap posting where he could get some space time. We moved around a lot. I…imagine you did too." He nodded. "Anyway dad was a normal guy. Loved his family, brewed his own beer and loved poems by Tennyson."

"Tennyson?" Shepard asked.

Ash laughed. "Yeah. 'I cannot rest from travel: I will drink Life to the lees: All times I have enjoy'd Greatly, have suffer'd greatly, both with those That loved me, and alone.'"

Shepard was surprised. "Never thought I'd hear you recite poetry. Ulysses right?"

She seemed to smile approvingly. "Yeah." She met his eyes, then shook her head. "Anyway just because I can drill you between the eyes at 500 yards doesn't mean I can't like sensitive stuff!" They laughed. "Just uh…don't spread it around."

"You're secret's safe with me," he said messing with his cards. He looked at her then just a little too long. There was no mistaking the mutual attraction between them at this point.

"Are you just trying to get on my good side so I go easy on you this hand?" She asked, smirking.

"Maybe I'm trying to distract you from your cards." He said simply.

She bit her bottom lip. "Not gonna happen," she said.

"No?" he asked. He realized they might not have been talking about cards anymore.

"Nope. I never lose my focus." She grinned. "Well, almost never anyway." They stared at each other.

Shepard couldn't quite get a read on Ash yet. She was incredibly sexy and she clearly knew it. She also seemed to have no qualms about expressing it. But Shepard also suspected she used it only on her terms, and that she was frustrating for some men. He couldn't tell if she was choir girl or a renegade. Maybe a little of both.

"I think you're bluffing." He said, his eyes still searching hers. This was getting out of hand.

"I never bluff." She laid her cards on the table and smiled. She had an excellent hand. Shepard cleared his throat and laid his out too. He'd beaten her. Her mouth opened and he shrugged. Then he stood.

"I gotta run," he said. "It's late."

"Not gonna give me one more chance to win?" She asked, still slightly surprised that he'd beaten her.

"You're almost out of chips." He said. "What could you possibly offer me then?" He realized he had probably crossed a line with that last question, but he was leaving now so he figured it was okay. She laughed, seemingly a little surprised by how the tables had turned. Then she stood and smirked a little.

"I'll think of something," she said, suggestively. "Good night Skipper." She turned and walked out leaving Shepard to make his way back to his bunk as well.

As he walked back to his bunk, Shepard reminded himself that he'd needed to cool it from here on in. Flirting was fine, but it usually led to other things, things that weren't important right now. It also struck him that he and Ash had been competing in more than just cards. All he knew is that he was left feeling like she had the upper hand, something that rarely happened with him when it came to women. But then, Ash was obviously not like most women. That was clear. And as Shepard entered his bunk he began to wonder if this was going to get complicated.


	7. Dr Tsoni I Presume

**Chapter 7: Dr. Tsoni I Presume**

As the Mako slammed to a stop on the ground, Garrus took in the scenery - if one could call it that. Therum was a hot, barren planet with a harsh, dry climate. It reminded him a bit of Palaven. He glanced at Shepard, who was squinting out the front window of the vehicle at the bright sun. The quarian, Tali was driving. Garrus was impressed with her technical skills. He had watched as Shepard briefly explained some of the controls to her back on the Normandy. She'd stopped him midway through and assured him she would be fine to which Shepard seemed a bit amused.

Aside from the rocky landing, Tali seemed to be handling it well. Garrus wasn't surprised. He had always just figured all Quarians knew about almost anything mechanical. He wouldn't have been surprised to find mechanical schematics hidden somewhere in their very DNA.

"That looks...hot," Shepard observed out the window. Garrus glanced at the rocky terrain. There were visible heat waves rising from it.

"It's nothing that I can't handle," Garrus said. "Humans might find it a bit uncomfortable."

Shepard's eyes squinted at the sun. "I don't mind uncomfortable. I'd just rather not cook in my armor."

"You won't need to worry about that, Commander" Tali said, her tinny voice coming through her mouthpiece. "Your suit should be fine for the heat."

The corner of Shepard's mouth turned up. "This from the woman in the environmentally sealed and controlled suit."

"I was only trying to be reassuring, Shepard." Tali said. "This terrain is interesting."

"Interesting," Garrus said. "Looks like a wasteland to me." The Mako crawled over a craggy mass of boulders, jostling its contents gently. Garrus' head bumped the wall. It was a tight space in the Mako. There was really only room for three comfortably. He had to wonder how Shepard, Alenko and Williams had fit into it along with Wrex. The image made him almost chuckle, though usually he found himself glaring at Wrex. He didn't like him. Didn't trust him. He didn't trust any Krogan, and he disagreed with Shepard's decision to bring him on board. Of course, now that Garrus thought about it, he knew most of the Normandy's crew was looking at him the same way. Most of them didn't trust anyone that wasn't human, though some of them had already seemed to take to Tali.

"A wasteland?" Tali said, her voice interrupting his thoughts. "Not at all. A climate like this could produce lots of valuable minerals and resources with its intense heat." Tali seemed like a positive sort. It was refreshing to Garrus. He was finding himself to be something of a pessimist these days.

"Well we're not here for minerals," Shepard said. "We need to find Dr. Tsoni and get off this rock."

Garrus was glad Shepard had decided to take him along this time. He'd been itching to show the commander what he could do. Not that he was trying to impress him, he reminded himself. But he respected Shepard. He'd seen the way he spoke to his crew, how they listened to him, respected him, put their faith in him. He could tell already that Shepard was a one of a kind leader.

Garrus wondered just how by the book Shepard was. He'd heard he was a bit of a golden boy. But he'd also heard other rumors. There were rumors that Shepard could play just as dirty as the bad guys. Garrus had seen the way he'd interrogated Fist back on the Citadel. Garrus felt like he understood that part of Shepard. From what he could guess, Shepard was a compassionate man when it came to victims and allies and a ruthlessly efficient soldier when it came to the dregs of society that crossed his path. Garrus liked that.

"Commander do you copy?" It was Joker, the strange little human pilot on the comm.

"Copy. What's up Joker?" Shepard responded.

"I'm picking up some strange readings. Like really strange. Like off the damned charts. Just a couple of clicks away. Just a heads up."

"Thanks, Joker." Shepard answered.

Tali pointed. "Look. It looks like these structures with the pipes all probably lead to one larger compound. That's likely where your signal is coming from."

Shepard nodded. "Okay let's get there. Step on it, Tali."

Tali paused. "Step on what?"

Shepard shook his head. Garrus smiled. Garrus himself was bad with human terminology but even he knew what "step on it" meant. It was nice to see someone else that was as out of place as he was on the Normandy.

"I just meant go faster," Shepard patted Tali on the shoulder. Garrus could have sworn he saw her blush behind her face plate.

"Oh," she said. "Right." She punched the gas then, lurching them forward.

"Just don't kill us on the way," Garrus said. He had to smile.

Kaidan's migraine had finally subsided. He'd felt useless an hour ago when Shepard had approached him for the ground mission. He was in no condition. It was frustrating. Thankfully and luckily most of the time his migraines didn't interfere with important things. And he'd learned to work through the less severe ones. But this one had been bad. He'd half expected Shepard to be disappointed in him, but he'd simply smacked him on the arm and told him to get some rest.

Kaidan was relieved actually that he wasn't going on the op. He couldn't say the same for Williams. She'd seemed surprised, almost hurt when Shepard decided to take Garrus and Tali with him. He had to admire her dedication to the job. Or maybe it was her dedication to the commander. Either way, Williams was proving to be fully committed, something that made Kaidan happy. And he liked her. They'd become friendly. Her playful nature had put him at ease. He was relaxed around her, probably more than he should be as her superior officer, but he wasn't losing sleep over it.

Kaidan sat in the mess, glass of water in hand, willing the remaining dull ache away from his skull.

"Sir?" Greeted Wesson. He hadn't even heard her approach.

"Wesson. What can I do for you?" He asked.

Lisa Wesson had an amazingly potent sex appeal. Kaidan could admit that to himself. She was a natural blonde, a rarity these days with big green eyes and a pretty face. It was no real secret that she was attracted to him, but he wished she would back off a little. Kaidan simply wasn't interested.

That was a lie. It wasn't that he wasn't interested. He just simply wouldn't allow himself to be. There were regs against fraternization. And fraternization could lead to sloppy decision making. Kaidan didn't make a habit of mixing the personal with the professional.

"I uh," Wesson said. "I just wanted to see how you were doing." She cocked her head. "How's your migraine?" He looked up at her, somewhat surprised. She saw it on his face. "Oh Lt. Moreau…mentioned…"

"Oh." They both chuckled. "It's better. Fine. I get them sometimes. It's no big deal."

There was an awkward pause and then Wesson chuckled. "Oh and I also came to bring you this…system report." She laid a data pad on the table.

"Oh…thank you," Kaidan said. "Uh…you didn't have to – "

"Oh I know I just thought I'd bring it in case you were still –"

"Well oh…oh yes. Thank you." Kaidan smiled at her. "I uh…I appreciate it."

Her posture shifted very subtly but Kaidan noticed. It was the posture of woman who was trying to appear as though she was trying very hard to conceal her attraction and failing at it. But she clearly knew exactly what she was doing.

She smiled and sighed. "Well," she said. "I'll…see you later, Lieutenant."

Kaidan paused, trying not to look just a little intrigued. "Wesson," he said simply and she turned and walked out. He sipped his water and reminded himself again just how uninterested he was.

"Good shooting Garrus," Tali said as she rolled past the remains of a Geth colossus and several troopers.

"Thank you," Garrus said from the gun seat of the Mako. "You know this thing handles pretty good, Shepard. The gun is a little addictive I think."

Shepard chuckled. "I think so," he said. "Williams and Wrex seem love it too." Tali had decided she really liked the commander. She'd noticed that his eyes were honest, and she appreciated how smart he was. She was also grateful that he seemed to have confidence in her. And he seemed like a genuinely good man. He was already easy to follow. He'd had her loyalty right off the bat.

She had finally gotten to have a real conversation with him a couple of nights ago. He'd made it a point to come down to engineering to chat with her. She'd been pleasantly surprised. He asked about her pilgrimage, the Migrant Fleet, her father. They'd talked for a long time. She learned that he'd grown up with the Alliance. He'd also admitted to her that he was less of a mechanical genius and much more of what he called a "shoot and smash grunt." Tali got the feeling there was much more to him than that though.

"There's the entrance," Shepard said, pointing to a metal door in the side of the terrain. "Let's head in. I don't like that geth are already here. Stay frosty."

"That's going to be tough with how hot it is out there," Tali said. She saw Shepard's eyes register a tiny smile as he opened the door of the Mako and she felt slightly embarrassed again. He hadn't actually meant to stay cool, temperature-wise. She rolled her eyes at herself and exited the vehicle.

The heat was intense, but it wasn't too bad with the environment controlled suit Tali was wearing. She had to admit, for all the reasons wearing the suit was tough, it made some situations easier. She was never too cold, never too hot, and the privacy of her facemask allowed her to be more assertive with people. She often thought had she not had it on she would have been very shy.

Tali had to admit to not being in very many combat situations before her pilgrimage. She was proficient with weapons, like most quarians and had a basic understanding of combat formations, hand signals and terminology. She was confident she could hold her own, especially against the geth, and her hacking skills would surely come in handy.

They approached the circular metal door, weapons drawn. Shepard examined the keypad next to it.

"Tali," he said and motioned for her to open it.

"Yes Commander," She responded respectfully. She quickly and easily hacked the lock with her omni tool and the door clanged open. A long rocky passageway revealed itself and the dusty breath of the cave came through it.

Shepard looked down the narrow passage. "Not a whole lot of cover. Let's get to the end of this fast just in case there's something waiting for us," he said.

Tali heard Garrus ready his weapon behind her and they made it down through the tunnel. The lights on the ceiling were dim, but steady. Tali could hear her breath in her helmet as she descended, and the breath of Shepard in her ears over the comm. She wondered if Garrus actually breathed, though she supposed he wasn't as affected by the heat as Shepard was.

Tali could see the end of the tunnel. As they passed through it she saw that it opened into a large cavernous expanse. Ruins. Tali had never seen anything like it. It was amazing.

"Heads up!" Shepard yelled. Tali felt him push downward on her shoulder. Dust from the rock behind her sprayed making small clinking noises on her helmet. The repeated pops and bangs of Geth weapons.

Tali ducked behind cover as did Shepard and Garrus, what little cover they had. She heard Shepard's assault rifle fire first, followed by Garrus. Tali felt a rush of adrenaline hit her and she popped up, firing her shotgun into the chests of two geth. Out of the corner of her eye she watched three more geth drop, the victims of the fire from her comrades. And then it was quiet.

Liara Tsoni lifted her head. Had she been asleep? She couldn't remember. She had no idea how long she had actually been floating there, held in place by the ancient security device, unable to move. She was weak, hungry and positive she would die here. There was no way for her to free herself. The only positive side to her predicament was simply that the geth that had been hanging around couldn't get to her. She had at first been shocked and terrified to see geth outside of the veil. But as the hours dragged on, she merely watched them quietly as they tried to figure out ways past the barrier to her.

She could not imagine why they would be here, or what they wanted. She was afraid, tired, and hungry. And now she heard the unmistakable sound of gunfire. Or did she? She couldn't tell. In her hopes that someone would randomly come along to this barren deserted planet and just happen to stumble upon her, she realized she may have been hallucinating. She knew it was too much to hope for that someone had come along and begun killing the geth.

She struggled slightly against the barrier that held her, knowing once again that it would do no good. Her shoulders sagged and she scolded herself for getting into this trap in the first place. As an expert on the Protheans and their ancient civilization, she should have been aware of the security measures that now held her trapped and alone in a ruin on the far edge of space. She almost laughed at herself. In her work as an archeologist she had traveled many places and gotten into some pretty sticky situations. She had held her own against pirates and mercs and thieves and the occasional hostile indigenous creature. She found it slightly ironic that her death would now be caused by her own stupidity.

Her head snapped up at the burst of assault rifle fire that was louder than the last. Whoever was out there was getting closer to her. She strained to listen, but now there was silence. Someone had won the fight. She prayed it was someone friendly.

She gasped a little at the muffled clang and groan of the service elevator. Whoever it was, was descending down the elevator shaft to her position. Her heart pounded in her chest and she felt her stomach turn to knots. No matter who it was, they would have to disable the system to get to her. If they intended to harm her she decided she might just be able to summon enough strength from her weakened body to hit them with a biotic shockwave and make a run for it. She panicked when she realized there was nowhere to run. There was no food other than the rations she had brought for her expedition. She had no suit on at the moment that would protect her from the fierce heat outside. If she left these ruins she knew in her fragile state she couldn't last ten minutes.

She swallowed hard as she realized she was at the mercy of whoever found her. She closed her eyes and tried to calm herself, at least outwardly. She opened them again when she realized the elevator had stopped. There was silence now. Dead silence. Her big blue eyes narrowed slightly as she tried to hear a hint of what was next to come. Finally, she decided she would need to be proactive.

With all her courage she gathered her voice and took a deep breath.

"Uh...hello?" She called timidly. "Can anybody hear me out there?"

She heard voices, and finally saw three figures walking toward her. From their blurred shapes through the barrier she could tell that one was a human, one was a Turian and the other was a Quarian. An odd combination, she thought. Were they mercs? It didn't matter now. They had seen her and were headed toward the barrier.

"I'm...I'm trapped. Please I need help." She was trying to hide the fear in her voice and was disappointed in herself for failing.

As the human approached the barrier he came more into focus. He took a look at the barrier with the blue eyes Liara could see through the faceplate of his armor and then finally looked at her.

"Liara Tsoni, I presume?" he said. She relaxed for a second at the sound of his voice and then tensed again when she realized he had called her by name.

"Yes. Yes I'm Liara Tsoni," she said. "Please get me out of here. I'm trapped."

"What is this thing?" The man asked.

"It is a Prothean security device. I am ashamed to say that that when I activated the barrier to protect myself from the geth, I must have hit something I wasn't supposed to." Her eyes widened. "Can you believe it? Geth, outside the veil!" She noticed the look on the man's face. It was clear he was not nearly as excited by the thought as she was. She continued. "I...I don't think there's any way past the barrier. You will have to find another way in."

"Right," he said, sounding just a little daunted. On the positive side he didn't seem to be there to hurt her, at least not as far as she could tell. He examined the barrier, looked at his companions and nodded at Liara. "Don't worry. We'll get you out. Just hang tight."

Her heart leapt. "Thank you!" Then it sank. "I heard gunfire."

"Took care of some of your geth back there," the man dismissed. "Right now we have to find a way to get to you. We'll be back."

Liara watched as the man and the other two with him as they walked off. She had no idea who they were or what they wanted, but she was at least put at ease by the thought that they clearly did not want to kill her. But what did they want with her then? She sighed, nervous to find out.

"Well," Garrus said. "This is just great. We found her but we can't get to her."

Shepard was slightly annoyed with Garrus' tone as he stood in the rocky cavern, thinking. He narrowed his eyes as he stood looking at the barrier. Garrus was right. They couldn't get to her. At least not without blasting through. His eyes traveled to the enormous mining laser that stood a dozen yards away.

"Huh." He said thoughtfully and took a few steps toward it.

"You're not seriously considering..." Garrus started, but then followed Shepard over to it. "Shepard?..." Garrus sounded nervous. Shepard simply examined the controls and the area at which the laser was pointed.

It appeared as if the laser was aimed at a lower section of the ruins. Much of it had been blasted through already.

"This is either the best idea or worst idea I've ever had." Shepard said.

"Wait," Tali said. "Let me have a look." She approached the controls and also examined the structure in front of it. "This could be very bad Shepard. It could compromise the structural integrity of the ruins."

Shepard shrugged. "I'm open to suggestions." Tali and Garrus looked at each other, each no doubt hoping that other did, in fact, have a better idea. Both of them shook their heads. "I don't see that we have much choice here," Shepard finished. "Tali. Let's get this thing blasting."

After a slight hesitation, she responded. "Yes, Shepard." She moved to the controls and opened the console with a few beeps and chirps. "Ready?" she asked nervously.

"Do it," Shepard responded in an even tone. He realized that this could either save the doctor, or bring about all of their deaths. Shepard wasn't a betting man usually, but he was sure hoping the odds were in their favor at this point.

"Okay," Tali said and hit one more button on the controls. A loud hum began and then a large, bright laser beam shot from the barrel in a steady stream and assaulted the rock face before it. After about five minutes, Shepard could clearly see an opening in the rock face. A blue light came from within.

"Shut it down." He commanded loudly. Tali did so. "Looks like it's through. I think the rest we can do by hand." He moved toward the rocks. "Come on." The rest of the rocks and small boulders were easy to remove and soon there was a small space leading to the pristine, bright ruin beyond.

"Look," Tali pointed. "That looks like some sort of elevator. They moved to it.

Shepard raised his eyebrow as he looked at the odd controls. "I…have no idea what any of this means," he said.

"Let me see," Tali approached, standing next to him. "Keelah," she whispered. "I have never seen anything like this before. These controls are amazing! And to think they are over 50,000 years old! I wonder what all of these do! I cannot even begin to imag-"

"We're in a hurry, Tali." Shepard said a bit shortly.

Tali flinched just a little "Sorry, Shepard. I got ahead of myself." She cautiously poked at some of the controls. Shepard was amused, and felt just a little bad for scolding her. Tali was such an inquisitive mind. He couldn't imagine how amazing this must all be for her. To him it looked like gibberish and nothing he could comprehend at all. "I…think I can see where the basic functions are located. I can't read the language, but there are pictures depicting the various functions. Here is the elevator….I think."

"Hope so," Garrus said.

Shepard stood silent as Tali timidly hit a few buttons. He was just as little startled as the floor shifted with a loud rumble and the platform began to rise. The corner of his mouth turned up.

"Nice one, Tali" he said.

"Thank you!" She seemed very pleased with herself. Shepard couldn't hide a smile.

When the platform reached the next level it stopped with a jolt, and there in front of them, with her back to them was Liara Tsoni, floating in the barrier device. As they approached she turned her head as best she could.

"By the goddess," she said, sounding relieved. "I did not think there was any way past the barrier! How did you get through?."

"We blasted through with the mining laser," Shepard answered.

"Oh yes. That was genius." She motioned to the console next to Shepard. "That glowing button there should shut down the field's containment sensors."

"What a minute," Garrus said. "Shepard, her mother is working with Saren. How do we know we can trust her?"

Shepard had already considered this and was about to answer when Liara interrupted.

"I am not my mother!" she said forcefully, her soft voice becoming surprisingly harsh sounding. "I have no idea why Benezia joined up with Saren!"

Shepard glanced at Garrus, who shrugged and then Shepard walked to the console and hit the glowing button. Behind him he heard a thump and a small "oof!" come from Liara.

"Oh. Thank you," She said, standing. "I didn't think anyone would come," She paused, looking Shepard in the eye with her big blue orbs. "Who are you anyway?"

Shepard stepped toward her tall, thin frame. "I'm Commander Shepard, Alliance Navy." He motioned to the others. "Garrus Vakarian, Tali Zorah nar Raaya."

Liara smiled. "Nice to officially meet you, Commander. I am Liara Tsoni. I was studying the ruins here when the Geth showed up."

"There'll be time to talk later. We should move." Shepard said in an even tone. He paused, realizing he wasn't sure how to get out since the main elevator had shorted. "Any ideas how we get out of here?" he asked.

Liara nodded. "That elevator should take us to the surface," She was already walking toward it. Everyone else followed. She seemed to expertly hit the buttons that had made no sense to Shepard and when the elevator started moving upward she turned to him. "I cannot understand why the geth want me," she said. "Do you really think Benezia is involved?"

"You're a Prothean expert," Garrus said. "Saren probably wants to use your expertise to find the Conduit."

Liara looked confused. "The Conduit. But I –" She was cut off by a rumble beneath all of their feet.

"That's…not a good noise," Shepard said.

"These ruins are unstable," Liara said looking around. "That mining laser probably triggered a seismic event."

Shepard suddenly wished the elevator would go faster. "Great," he said. He touched his headset. "Joker. Get a lock on my signal and come pick us up. On the double."

"Aye aye" Joker's voice said over the comm.. "Comin' at ya."

The rumbling within the ruins was noticeable now and Shepard cursed himself for using the laser in the first place, even though he was certain it was the only way in. The platform came to a stop and Shepard immediately knew before he turned that something was wrong.

He turned then and saw a Krogan and several geth approaching. They weren't in combative stance at the moment, so Shepard held his hand up to Tali and Garrus signaling them to stand down.

The Krogan stopped a few yards away.

"Thanks for getting rid of that barrier for us," he boomed.

Shepard's eyes narrowed. "There a reason you're in my way?"

The Krogan laughed. "Same reason you're here. The asari. Hand over the doctor and we'll be on our way."

Shepard saw Liara out of the corner of his eye step slightly behind him. She was unarmed and he had no idea how proficient she'd be with a gun anyway. He would need to handle this carefully.

"She's not going anywhere," he said sternly, his hand tightening his grip on his assault rifle.

"Okay then," the Krogan snarled. He glanced at the several geth accompanying him. "Kill them. Spare the asari if you can. If not, no big deal."

Those were all the words Shepard needed to open fire. He didn't even have to give the order to hear Garrus and Tali ready their weapons behind him. As the shooting began, Shepard grabbed Liara. She gasped as he shoved her behind a small pillar.

"Stay down!" he ordered and he saw her huddle into a ball, eyes wide. He stepped out then, ran across the platform, drawing the fire from her position. As he ran he fired a few bursts from his rifle, taking out three of the geth there. By the time he got to cover he saw Tali and Garrus both dropping respective geth. But he didn't see the Krogan next to him until it was too late.

With a savage growl the Krogan grabbed Shepard and lifted him like a doll, throwing him into a nearby wall. Shepard grunted as the wind was knocked out of him and his rifle dropped to the ground. He saw the Krogan charging for another hit and managed to move out of the way just in time. He turned and readied himself in a fighting stance as the Krogan came charging toward him again. The two of them locked into a position and began fighting. Shepard landed a hard blow to the Krogan's mouth, but it only seemed to anger him. With a fierce yell the Krogan head butted Shepard hard, cracking the faceplate of his helmet and jarring his brain. Shepard's vision blurred and he got dizzy for a moment. He regained his footing and kicked at one of the Krogan's thin legs, knocking him to the ground. As Shepard stood the Krogan reached for his side arm. Shepard reached for his, but he knew he was too late. He cursed inwardly and then he saw the Krogan lifted into the air with a blue biotic field surrounding him.

Shepard glanced at Liara who now held the Krogan in a biotic grip. Her face was contorted with anger. The Krogan yelled in pain as with a fierce yell Liara threw him against the rock wall, hard. A sickening crack permeated the air and then the Krogan fell lifeless and bloody onto the floor. Shepard looked at Liara, somewhat surprised. Her eyes were wide.

"We have to go!" she said, her small voice quivering just slightly. Shepard snapped out of his surprised stupor, his head still pounding and they all ran for the exit. By this time the rumbling was constant, and rocks fell from the ceiling. Boulders larger than their heads narrowly missed them as they ran. The dust in Shepard's nose was thick as it also fell from the ceiling.

They were nearly to the exit and Shepard paused to look back at his sprinting companions. They moved passed him quickly as he eyed the rock ceiling above them. His eyes widened as he saw the crack widen to a terrifying degree. The entire ceiling was breaking itself free. Shepard panicked.

"Move move move!" he yelled behind them, spurring them on. His legs pumped fast and hard. His head throbbed as he ran. He thought to himself that any moment liquid hot magma would wash them all away from behind. His heart pounded in his ears as they approached the exit. Giant dust clouds moved past them. He saw Liara falter, coughing from the dust. He reached for her as he ran, steadying her and pushing her forward until they reached the exit. They all spilled from it into the intense heat, causing the unprotected Liara to fall to her knees hard.

Liara coughed and wheezed, struggling to find her breath in the searing heat. Shepard hoisted her up, putting her arm around his shoulders and they moved quickly toward the waiting Normandy hovering just over the hot ground.

As they entered the Normandy, Shepard quickly shut the cargo bay doors and touched his comm.. "Joker, go!" he yelled and the ship picked up and began its ascent. Shepard leaned against the wall, out of breath. Tali was hunched over, breathing heavily. Garrus stood, looking fresh as a daisy. Liara cleared her throat.

"Okay," Shepard said. "Everyone in the CIC in five minutes" he said.

Things were moving fast for Liara. Her head felt like it was spinning. She took a moment as she was being led to the CIC by the quarian, Tali to realize that her head probably was in fact spinning. She was looking forward to getting this next conversation over with.

She had to be impressed by the Normandy. She had never seen such an advanced ship, especially from humans. She noted the clearly Turian design aspects, particularly the position of the CIC as she entered. She was somewhat surprised to walk in and find the array of different species there. The turian Garrus was seated, as well as an old looking Krogan. Two humans, a male and a female wearing matching Alliance uniforms sat on the opposite side of the circle of chairs. The Commander stood at the front of the room waiting, still in his armor, though minus his helmet.

It was then that she was finally able to notice the Commander's appearance. It had been difficult to see what he looked like with his helmet on. She noticed now that he was a handsome human. The blue eyes she'd noticed through his helmet seemed bluer when contrasted with his skin, now covered in dust from the planet. He was fit, muscular and had a straight posture. His face had slight stubble and there was a noticeable scar on the corner of his close cropped hairline. He was an imposing presence. Liara tried not to stare as she sat.

Ashley listened, fascinated by the asari's knowledge of the Protheans. She was young, for an asari, only 106 she said, but her research was apparently very thorough. She had prattled on for ten minutes now, looking very pleased with herself. Ash wondered if the pretty doctor just really liked hearing herself talk.

She didn't trust her. For a moment, she was almost disarmed by Tsoni's innocent and somewhat oblivious act. Her big blue eyes looked a little like a doe caught in headlights. But it was too convenient for Ashley. It was quite a coincidence that Benezia and Saren were seeking something so closely related to the Protheans, and that Liara just happened to be an expert on the subject matter. And she didn't quite believe her when she said she hadn't spoken to her mother in years.

Ash glanced at Shepard as they spoke. He was listening intently, his expression unreadable. She wondered what he was thinking. She watched as he explained the Reapers to Liara, something else she claimed not to know anything about. Ash supposed it was possible she was being paranoid, but she also thought it would be good to have at least one person questioning the addition of so many non-humans to the crew. And Kaidan hadn't seemed to bat an eye at any of it.

As Shepard explained what had happened with the beacon on Eden Prime, Ash carefully studied Liara's face. She was very pretty. Like the other aliens, Ash had never seen an asari up close and in person. Liara's face came alive suddenly with a smile.

"I am…amazed that you were able to make sense of it at all," she said of the visions Shepard had suffered through. "A lesser mind would have been utterly destroyed by the beacon." Ash didn't like her tone. It had changed. It was far less scientific than Ash liked. "You must be remarkably strong willed, Commander" Liara practically cooed.

That was enough.

"This isn't helping us find Saren, or the Conduit!" Ash barked, a little bitchier than she'd intended. In fact after she said it she felt somewhat embarrassed. She'd interrupted and now everyone was looking at her.

"I am…sorry" Liara practically stammered. "My scientific curiosity got the better of me." Ash was seriously hoping that her obvious dislike of Liara's sudden emphatic warmth toward Commander had gone unnoticed. More than that she wondered where exactly it had come from to begin with. Was that jealousy? Really? No. That was stupid. She and the commander were nothing, aside from one casual flirtation playing cards. And besides, she wouldn't dream of breaking regs anyway. There was no reason she would have been territorial. She decided it was simply that she didn't trust Tsoni.

"It is likely tha…" Liara touched her head. "Oh…my." She suddenly appeared a much paler shade of blue to Ash's eyes.

"When was the last time you ate?" Asked Kaidan. "Or slept? Doc should have a look at you."

"That…" Liara said. "That would be a good idea I think. Thank you, Lieutenant."

Shepard nodded and approached Liara's chair. "I'll come talk to you again once you get some rest," Shepard said to Liara.

She nodded and smiled warmly at him. "Thank you, Commander." She began to walk off and Ash watched Kaidan and Shepard share a nod before Kaidan followed closely and took Tsoni's arm, leading her out.

"Okay," Shepard said. "We're done here. Dismissed." Ash paused just a second before getting up. Her instincts were telling her to say something to the Commander, tell him Tsoni's story just didn't feel right. But she stopped herself. What if, she thought, she really was just being territorial?

That was a whole new set of problems Ash just didn't want to deal with.

Shepard needed to talk to Liara again as soon as she felt better. Her knowledge of the Protheans was indeed vast and he thought, hoped, he could gain some useful insights by speaking to her. Shepard had to admit though that Liara herself was also interesting. He wasn't quite sure whether or not it was a physical attraction. He supposed she was attractive, though he really wasn't sure what was attractive by Asari standards. Maybe that was it, he thought. She was different, something new and unfamiliar. In any case, having her on board would be interesting to say the least.

After another frustrating conversation with the Council, Shepard glanced at the door of the com room to make sure he was alone and flopped down into a chair. His head was killing him and he rested it for a moment on the back of the chair, closing his eyes. The Council had made it clear they weren't going to feed into any Reaper ideas, and that was driving him crazy. He needed to blow off some steam.

After telling Joker to plot a course to Noveria, Shepard made his way to the gym. It would be awhile until he could speak to Liara and it would be five hours until they docked. A good workout always helped him think. He would come up with some sort of plan of attack for Noveria while he beat the hell out of the bag.

The Normandy's gym was tiny, consisting of a couple of weight machines, a weight bench, a sparring mat, punching bag, and treadmill. It was not meant to be a state of the art facility. The Normandy was too small for anything little more than a limited substitute for real physical training. With a crew fewer than 30 people it was really all they needed. Shepard's sweaty shirt lay on the floor next to the bag as he pounded combo after combo into it. He'd thought about lifting some weights, maybe running for awhile, but this was turning out to be just what he needed. After awhile he was dripping sweat, out of breath and blissfully stress free. He supposed that feeling would last about ten minutes, long enough for him to take a hot shower.

The bathroom in his private quarters wasn't bad. The shower was pretty big actually. At first, when he was XO and he'd gotten his own tiny quarters it had felt weird, a little isolated. He wasn't used to being separated from the group. Even in command he'd always eaten, slept, showered, shaved and socialized with his squad. Communal everything built camaraderie, teamwork, a bond between soldiers. Shepard didn't want to feel special. But he was special. Currently, he had what felt like the weight of the galaxy on his strong shoulders. With one hand on the wall he leaned, head down, letting the hot water hit the back of his neck. Eyes closed, he was suddenly grateful for the privacy, for a place he could collapse and show weakness.

By the time he was dressed it was time to check in with Liara. He made his way down the med-bay, still relaxed from his shower. He thought briefly of Williams' obvious dislike of Liara's overly kind words to him. He had noticed. And he had to admit he'd been a little surprised. Williams seemed like a cautious person. She listened, but tended to make assumptions quickly based on her gut. He could tell that about her. She wasn't very good at hiding her thoughts on her face.

He suspected Williams had a bit of a hot head. Actually it was one of the things he found sort of interesting about her. She was clearly no shrinking violet and usually had something smart-ass to say. He'd even seen her stop herself from making a sarcastic comment to him once or twice. He'd felt pretty comfortable around her, and he hadn't minded the occasional ribbing, even the thinly veiled flirting.

Since joining the crew two weeks ago Ash had been a bit of a breath of fresh air. She'd fit in with the crew almost immediately, and oftentimes Shepard had to stifle a laugh when she managed to out-snark Joker or made Kaidan raise a disciplinary eyebrow at her. Ash was a much better soldier than her rank implied and Shepard was confident she could get his back on missions. She'd proven herself on Feros. She was also one hell of a marine, and Shepard had to admit, quite a woman as well.

Dr. Chakwas wasn't in the med-bay so Shepard made his way to the back room where he suspected he would find Liara. As the door hissed open, she stood from her console.

"Commander," she said. Her voice was smooth, very pleasant and feminine.

"How are you feeling?" Shepard asked.

"Much better, thank you." She smiled slightly. "I am glad you are here. We have much to discuss." They did indeed. Starting with Liara's mother, Matriarch Benezia.

As they spoke of her, Liara seemed sad, surprised, confused. She seemed to love her mother very much, though she reported they hadn't spoken in a very long time. She expressed her regret and frustration with not being more help in regards to Benezia. She seemed eager, sweet and innocent. Shepard thought it was endearing. He found himself immediately feeling almost protective of her. Not that she needed protecting. He'd seen the way she'd broken that Krogan's large body as if it were nothing. Her biotics were powerful. There was no doubt.

Their conversation shifted to a discussion about Asari culture and politics. Shepard wasn't too familiar with the Asari, having met and spoken with only a handful in his lifetime. He'd never gotten the chance to talk in depth about any of it. He was asking a lot of questions and after awhile he wondered if it was beginning to annoy her, but Liara seemed pleased and excited to be sharing with him. She only seemed somber again when Shepard asked about her father. She explained then that her mother's partner had also been Asari, that she was a "pure-blood" but that none of her kind would be cruel enough to call her that, even though most Asari chose mates not of their own species. She then awkwardly explained Asari mating adding that Shepard "for example would be an extremely beneficial partner." Then he swore that her blue skin turned bright red, or the equivalent anyway and she looked down, fumbling for words.

"I mean only," she began "only in that the offspring would be... would have many positive traits of character and…" he allowed himself a small laugh as she finally found the words she'd meant to say. "What I am trying to say, Shepard is that we Asari choose our mates based on many things. And you, for instance are a prime example of the best your species has to offer. You have accomplished much in your life and career." She looked a little embarrassed again. "Forgive me, Commander, but I have accessed your files and learned much about you."

Shepard was a little taken aback. It wasn't that he minded anyone accessing his personnel file, learning every detail about his military career, family and medical history. He simply found it surprising that anyone would want to.

"It's okay," he said. "But I would have told you anything you needed to know."

"Yes," she said. "I am afraid my frequent isolation working with ruins and artifacts has depleted my social graces a bit. I did not want to say something stupid. Your interaction with the Prothean Beacon piqued my interest, but I must admit that I find you fascinating as well."

"You make it sound like I'm one of your artifacts," Shepard joked. He immediately regretted his choice of words as Liara looked more embarrassed than ever.

"What? No! I –" she stammered. He laughed again.

"It's okay, Liara. It was a joke." She relaxed then and smiled at him. Shepard liked her earnest and open personality, her willingness to show her feelings. It was very human of her, he thought, very disarming. He looked at the time. He'd been talking to her for an hour and a half. It was time to do something else productive. He could tell her about the asari Shiala and the cipher later. There was plenty of time before they reached Noveria.

"I have to go," he said. He stood, so did she. "Thank you for all the information."

"It was my pleasure. Goodbye, Commander."

Three hours later, all Shepard wanted to do was get to Noveria and find Benezia. He'd done absolutely everything he could to keep busy and so had many of the other crew. He stumbled across Ash, Kaidan and Fitzer, one of the engineering specialists playing cards in the mess. He paused for a second, before they saw him when he heard his name.

"All I know is the Commander was in there awhile," said Fitzer.

"So?" Said Ash.

"I'm just sayin' any man would be curious. And I hear the Asari aren't picky if you know what I mean."

"Knock it off, Fitzer!" It was Kaidan's reasonable voice. Shepard liked Kaidan. He was always putting a stop to nonsense. Sometimes Shepard thought Kaidan was more serious than he was. He'd heard enough and walked into the mess. Kaidan saw him first.

"Commander," he said.

"Join us for a game of cards, Skipper?" Ashley asked. "Give me a chance to win back my chips?" She smiled.

"No thanks," Shepard chuckled quietly. "We'll be arriving at Noveria station in less than an hour. I'm gonna get Wrex and Liara prepped."

"You're taking Dr. Tsoni with you?" Ash asked.

"I might need her when we find Benezia." He could see Ash resisting the urge to question his decision. He wondered what she would say, if anything, if they were alone. She might say that Liara was an archeologist, not a marine. She might ask if he was sure Liara could have his back, if she could hold her own in battle. They were valid questions. Shepard had asked them himself. He decided to answer all of them unprompted, since the others were probably wondering too. "She's got a lot of biotic power. We saw that on Therum. I think she can hold her own, but I'm hoping we'll be able to avoid a firefight anyway." Kaidan stood.

"I have some work," he said. "Commander." He nodded to Shepard and walked off. Fitzer stood too and tossed his cards on the table in front of Ashley.

"I gotta split too or Adams will have my ass. Later Chief." He ran off.

"Later," she said and stood up, facing Shepard. She smiled, but he could tell she was disappointed she wasn't coming with him. It was the second time he'd excluded her for the mission. But she was still healing from her injuries on Feros, no matter what she'd said. They were alone now in the mess, a fact that was not lost on either of them. "Well," she said. "I should probably go too."

"Before Fitzer starts any more rumors you mean?" Ash looked surprised, and more than a little uncomfortable.

"Oh. You heard that." Her face seemed to be trying to discern just how much Shepard had heard. He thought it was kind of cute. He smiled just a little.

"Not really," he said, finally and she relaxed. "Get back to work, Chief."

"Yes sir," she said with a smile and turned to go. She paused, turned back and looked at him. Her expression was serious. "Watch your ass, Shepard." He nodded to her and then she turned and walked out.

Good advice, he thought.


	8. Detour

**Chapter 8: Detour**

Liara could feel her muscles finally starting to relax. She'd been aboard the Normandy for just a few hours now and she'd just realized how tense she was. It was understandable of course. Today's excitement had been more than usual for her. That was a definite. Trapped on a volcanic planet, assaulted by a species of synthetics that were now wreaking havoc on the galaxy, rescued by an Alliance soldier. It had been a big day for Liara T'soni. She felt a momentary wash of regret for the Prothean ruins that had been destroyed during her rescue, and then she forced herself to shrug it off. There was no use in dwelling on all the amazing discoveries that were now lost forever. She sighed and took in her surroundings.

The small room behind the medical bay was a cool blue color from the lights within. A couple of crew members had brought her a cot. They'd looked at her strangely, but they'd seemed friendly enough. She didn't suppose most Alliance crew had much dealings with those not of their species. The hum of the ship was soothing to her. It was quieter than most ships she'd been on, but then she'd noticed this ship to be fairly state of the art. She glanced at the console on the small table, set up for her by one of the techs. Gladstone was the name, she remembered. Harvey. He was very nice.

Her stomach growled and she looked down at it quizzically, trying to remember when she'd eaten last. Getting some food in herself would be a good idea. She didn't love the thought of wandering to the mess on her own and figuring out a meal for herself, but that was mostly because she wasn't sure how most of the crew would react to her. There were aliens on board yes, which was strange to her. But she was different. They had no reason to trust her given her relation ship to Benezia. And truthfully she did not want to run in to Chief Williams especially. Her reception of her had been somewhat cold and distrustful and Liara would have preferred avoiding any sort of confrontation with the woman.

She frowned at the thought of Benezia. It was difficult, no – impossible for her to believe that her mother was now working for Saren. She couldn't be. Benezia had never been particularly warm with her daughter, not since she was very small, but she was a wise and good matriarch. The very idea that she'd turned caused an ache in Liara's chest. She wouldn't believe it. She couldn't, not until it was confirmed. A pang of worry crossed her heart for her mother. What if she'd been taken against her will as they had tried to do to Liara? What if she was being forced into something? It was difficult for her to think that anyone could have the kind of control over a powerful matriarch that Saren seemed to. Sadly, she played the recording of Benezia's voice again. "And one step closer to the return of the Reapers." She was searching for something, anything, a hidden plea for help, contempt for her captors, just something to reassure her that her mother was a victim.

They had set a course for Noveria a few hours ago and when she'd learned of it, Liara's stomach turned. She was not ready to face her mother, if she was even there, or anything that would have revealed the truth. She was admittedly, pretty relieved when two hours ago there had been a change of plans. The Normandy had received a distress call and was now taking a detour to investigate a ship in the area. The lieutenant, Alenko had come to tell her as much. She didn't know anything beyond that, but she appreciated him coming to let her know. He seemed to be a kind man. Soft spoken and compassionate. She had a good feeling about him.

She sighed. She was beginning to get a headache. She needed food.

The door to her makeshift quarters opened with a soft hiss and she walked into the medical bay. Dr. Chakwas looked up from her console.

"Ah, Dr. Tsoni." Chakwas greeted. "How are you feeling?"

Liara smiled. She liked the doctor, and she found her silvery hair to be aesthetically pleasing. "I feel just fine, thank you Doctor. I just need a meal I think. The mess is out and to the right?"

Chakwas smiled and nodded. "Yes it is. And help yourself to whatever you find there. It's not a five star eatery, but its food. I'd recommend a protein supplement for you if you can find one."

"Thank you." Liara nodded and walked out.

The mess was quiet and slightly darker than she would have expected. The area was completely deserted save for one small woman. A young woman, in Alliance uniform with reddish blonde hair was tidying up the pantry, carefully placing food items on shelves, very intent on her task. She turned and saw Liara and jumped just a little.

"Oh," She said. "I'm sorry I didn't hear you." Her voice was quiet and the girl seemed somewhat shy. Liara guessed she was in her early 20s by human years. There was an awkward pause before the girl smiled and shrugged. "You looking for something to eat? I can make you something. I'm Freddie….uh…Private Stanson." She smiled sweetly. "You must be Dr. Tsoni."

Liara could tell the girl was a little nervous and she hoped it wasn't because of Liara. She got the sense though that the young woman was just kind of like that. "Yes," She responded. "I am Liara. It is nice to meet you, Private." Liara glanced quickly around the mess, reassuring herself that they were alone. "Please don't go to any trouble to make something. If you just point me in the direction of something ready to eat I will be fine."

The young private shook her head quickly. "It's no trouble really. It's my job. I…I'm sort of the housekeeper around here. I also happen to be an okay cook." She smiled. She was pretty, and very delicate looking. She had large brown eyes that seemed to look a little nervous even when smiling. She didn't look like the other Alliance soldiers, didn't carry herself with the kind of confidence they did. And it seemed important to her to do her job.

Liara nodded. "All right. Thank you. I really appreciate it." The Private beamed timidly. Liara smiled back and sat at the table as Freddie went to work.

* * *

"Dammit," Ash cursed, struggling with her beaten and scratched Phoenix armor in the cargo bay. The white plating on her pink and white coverings showed damage much more than a darker color would. It was one of the reasons Ashley liked the Phoenix line. She could remember almost every scratch and gouge her armor had. They were like scars. She wasn't girly, which made the pink aspect of the armor kind of funny. She hated pink, but she'd grown to love this particular pink, this particular set of armor. It was also the best fitting armor she'd ever worn. Selfishly she admitted that comfort was very important to her.

"Problem Chief?" Kaidan asked as he expertly climbed into his own protective shell, which was lighter and resembled an armored wet-suit more than anything else. He quickly clipped a couple of things in place and looked at her, expecting an answer.

Ashley laughed. "I…uh…" She struggled reaching her left arm awkwardly over her right shoulder. "I can't reach the lock on my shoulder blade…" She was slightly embarrassed. It wasn't something that should have been difficult, but in this moment Ash was fairly certain the planets had aligned just perfectly enough to make her look like an asshole in front of her superior officer. It was simply a matter of not paying attention and having buckled the wrong thing first, which restricted her movements, now making her seem like she had never put armor on before in her life. Kaidan watched her for a few seconds, with a slightly amused expression on his kind face. He chuckled. "It's not funny," Ash said, partially joking, partially a little annoyed he hadn't taken it upon himself to help her.

She jumped just a little as she felt a slight pressure through the heavy plate between her shoulder blades and realized Shepard was standing there messing with her armor. He yanked once, jerking her backward just slightly, and then she felt the clasp snap into place. He rapped firmly on her upper back with his fist a couple of times.

"There you go, Chief." His deep, firm voice brought a small smile to her lips. She turned, a little embarrassed.

"Thanks, Sir." She watched as he pieced himself together with practiced hands, hands that had recent scrapes on his knuckles. He clipped his forearm plates into place and adjusted the rubbery material around his neck. Armor these days, when you got right down to it was pretty easy to get in and out of. It was fairly light, even the heavier duty models and surprisingly flexible. Shepard looked at her, a small crooked hint of a smile forming on the side of his lips. She couldn't help but return it with a small smile of her own. And then she turned away quickly, forcing herself to focus. The last thing Ashley needed at the moment was to allow herself to have any thoughts of how attractive her commander was. She'd been frustrated with herself in general lately, appalled at her own behavior. She had even flirted with the guy a little. It was unlike her. True, he had clearly reciprocated, but it didn't make it any less unprofessional or distracting. She tried to shrug it off as her playful nature simply finding an individual who was accepting of it. She would simply try to ignore it, she decided.

It would be counterproductive to the moment for her to acknowledge that Shepard looked like he'd been born to wear his suit of armor. And it would be girlish and silly of her to momentarily indulge herself a quick glance at the way the armor hugged his butt. _Dammit._

"I leave you out of the fray for one mission and you forget how to put your armor on? Shame on you." Shepard's tone was dry and even, the slightest humor shining through just briefly.

"That's never happened before I swear," She defended, prompting a laugh from both Shepard and Kaidan.

Kaidan grinned. "It's okay Chief, it happen to a lot of marines."

She laughed. "Watch it Lieutenant." Kaidan smiled, his helmet hissing into a locked position as he put it on. At the moment she felt like a normal marine, with other normal marines, kidding around, preparing for any normal maneuver. It was the first moment since she'd been here that she'd felt anything like what she had before. The camaraderie in the cargo bay was thick at the moment. Ash missed moments like this, moments that were abundant among her unit on Eden Prime. The thought hit her with a glancing blow to her heart, and then she let it pass.

Shepard touched his comm. "Joker, what's our ETA?"

"Should be coming up on the frigate now. Looks like an H-class Batarian frigate. Small. Looks like there's some fuel leaking out of it. Hasn't been here long, but if I had to guess they're dead in the water so to speak."

"Thanks Joker," Shepard responded. We're headed to the airlock now."

"Copy that. I'll get us up nice and friendly."

They made their way to the airlock, guns strapped to their backs. Ash currently carried her pistol on her hip. Her shotgun rested snugly on the small of her back. She'd opted not to bring her assault rifle. She did much better in up close and personal fights in small spaces with her pistol or shotgun.

"Probably a cargo ship," Kaidan said. "Most likely deserted. Distress signal was probably set to activate if certain parameters were met."

"Yeah," Ash said. "I'll say. I guess leaking fuel into dead space would be considered a pretty serious parameter."

Shepard was quiet for a moment as the door to the airlock hissed closed behind them. "I don't trust it," he said. "Something's off. Stay on your toes over there and check your targets."

"Getting bad vibes, Commander?" Ash asked, genuinely interested in his finely honed instincts.

Shepard raised an eyebrow. "Vibes, Chief? Yeah. My tarot cards said today would be weird."

"You know what I meant sir," She dismissed.

He nodded and smiled slightly as the outer door hissed open revealing the door to the frigate. Weapons drawn, Shepard punched in an override code to open the hatch and it opened, a wave of warm air escaping quickly into the short hallway where they stood. Wordlessly they boarded the vessel, into a long hallway. The lights were dim.

"Power's out," Kaidan said. "Looks like the back up generator's kicked in." The low reddish glow of the emergency lights on the ceiling illuminated the grated metal path beneath them. They all stopped in their tracks at a noise around the bend. Ash's muscles tensed in anticipation of whatever was there. She looked to Shepard. He signaled her to take point.

Quickly and silently, Ash moved along the wall, taking position just before rounding the corner. Shepard and Kaidan quickly moved up behind her, Shepard then taking the initiative to peek around the corner. He didn't pull back right away and Ash tried to figure out the expression on his face. He lowered his weapon and glanced at Ash and Kaidan, then back to whatever he was looking at previously.

"Hey," Ash heard him say. She and Kaidan both lowered their weapons and rounded the corner. There, standing wide eyed and looking very afraid, was a young boy who couldn't be more than 7 or 8. Shepard approached him slowly. "Hi," he said, a little softer than his usual voice, though still firm and authoritative. The boy's large brown eyes darted fearfully back and forth among the three of them. "It's okay," Shepard continued. "We're not gonna hurt you. My name's Shepard. I'm with the Alliance. We're here to help you." The child seemed to relax, though not much. "What's your name?" Shepard asked.

After a moment, the boy took a deep breath. "George," he said simply, very quietly. He was filthy and smelled and was wearing dirty clothes. He was skinny, and at his feet laid an unopened can of some kind of food. The image tugged silently on Ash's heart.

Shepard knelt down, a little closer to the boy to get to eye level. "George, where are the grownups that fly the ship?"

The boy shrugged. "They left."

"Are you all by yourself here?" The boy shook his head. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"They said they didn't need us anymore," he said simply. "So they left." He shrugged.

"Slavers," Kaidan said. "Batarian probably. Probably bailed on their human cargo when the ship died."

Anger heated Ash's face as she considered what the boy might have been through. It amazed her sometimes just how terrible people could be to other people. Of course, Batarians were known for their cruelty and their slavery.

Shepard looked back at George. "George, the people who left, did they have two eyes like you and me or did they have four eyes?"

George looked thoughtful for just a moment. "Four."

Shepard nodded. "Thanks, George. You've been a big help. Now, are there other people here now? Can you take me to them?"

The boy looked at the can of food on the ground. "I'm hungry," he said not moving his gaze from it.

Shepard nodded. "It's okay. We'll get you something good to eat I promise. Real soon. You don't have to eat that gross canned stuff." Then George actually smiled at Shepard and Ash's heart nearly melted.

* * *

As George led them down the darkened passageway, Kaidan remained alert. He knew the slavers were gone. There was no reason for them to stick around, but his instincts made him a precautionary man. He glanced at Ashley, who was staring after the young boy a look of sadness in her eyes.

"Hey," he said quietly. "You okay Chief?" She nodded quickly as if overcompensating.

"Yeah. I'm fine." She looked forward again. "Just wish I could have five minutes alone with whoever is responsible for this is all."

"I hear you," Kaidan responded simply.

George lead them to a dimly lit room where there were nine other children. All looked to be between the ages of seven and sixteen. Kaidan felt like he'd been punched in the gut. He'd seen something similar before and it hurt him to remember. Only the last time he boarded a slaver ship, none of the young slaves had been left alive. Their faces had haunted him for the past five years, and probably would until he died.

He glanced at the Commander, whose expression hadn't changed. He glanced at Williams, who was clearly doing her best not to be terribly disturbed by the sight. Each young person stared at the three of them, a mixture of fear and hope in their eyes. They were all just as dirty as George, some of the younger ones more so. One girl, who looked to be about fourteen stepped forward.

"Please," she said quietly. "My…my friend she's…" Her shaky voice trailed off and she motioned toward a young girl lying on the table, a blanket draped over her. She was unconscious and very pale. Kaidan walked to her quickly.

He checked her pulse. "Pulse is weak." He opened her eyes to look at them individually. "She's out cold. Sir we need to get her to Chakwas right now."

Shepard nodded and touched his comm. "Chakwas, come in."

"Yes Commander," Chakwas voice came over the comm clearly and calmly.

"We need a stretcher. We have a non-responsive teenage female coming at you. We'll meet you at the airlock."

"Yes sir," Chakwas chirped out.

Shepard looked around, then to Ash and Kaidan. Okay we're gonna get her out of here, Williams round up the rest of the kids and follow. We'll do a sweep after."

"Aye aye, sir" Williams said.

Kaidan reached for the young girl and took her in his arms, carrying her gently back the way they came. She was limp and cold. Kaidan hoped they wouldn't be too late. Her friend followed closely and quietly. Chakwas and two of her assistants, Haines and Barrera met them at the entrance to the Normandy with a stretcher. Kaidan laid her frail form onto it and they strapped her in, quickly whisking her away while Chakwas barked orders.

"Let's see how Williams is doing," Shepard said and stepped back onto the slaver ship. Kaidan followed. By the time they'd reached the end of the first hallway Ash was there watching the kids in a single file line walk down the hallway.

"Come on guys," she said. "Let's keep up now."

Kaidan smiled. "I'm impressed."

"Eh" Williams shrugged. "I may have promised them ice cream." She smiled, but Kaidan could tell the whole situation was really bothering her.

"Is that everyone?" he asked.

"Yep. Should probably do a sweep just to make sure no one's in a hidey hole somewhere." He watched her take a deep breath and then she smiled at a small girl who beamed at her as she ran past.

Kaidan nodded. "Lucky we got here before they put the implants in," he said.

Ash cringed "Yeah I heard they do that." She shook her head. "Bastards. Who could do that to kids? What kind of damn monsters…" She cut herself off and looked at him. "Sorry sir. Just….really pisses me off."

"Don't worry about it, Chief," he reassured. "I'd be worried what kind of person you were if it didn't bother you."

Shepard strode up purposefully to them. "That everybody?" He asked.

"We were just gonna double check, sir" Kaidan said.

"Good, see if we can find any logs or any-" He was cut off by the chirp of the comm.

"Commander," Chakwas said.

"Go ahead Doctor." Shepard said.

"Commander the young girl you brought to me, she's just recently given birth. I would say not more than 8-10 hours ago. Did you find an infant on board?" Chakwas' voice never wavered. She was always cool.

Kaidan looked at Ashley. Her eyes were widened slightly. She blinked once and before Shepard could even give the order to search the place, Ashley had taken off in the direction of where they'd found everyone. Kaidan and Shepard quickly followed.

By the time Kaidan got to the hold, Ash was frantically searching, carefully upsetting bedding, looking under and behind crates.

"I'll take the next room," Kaidan said and he moved to the door.

"Wait," Shepard said. "Be quiet."

The three of them stood in silence for a moment. Kaidan strained to hear something, anything, but the only thing he heard was the silence of the dead ship. He was about to speak when a tiny mewling caught his attention. The three of them stiffened, their ears perking up, their eyes searching desperately for the direction of the noise.

"In here!" Ash said as she ran toward the room Kaidan had been heading to. Kaidan and Shepard followed quickly and quietly. The mewling was louder now and had turned into the beginnings of a cry. After listening carefully for another couple of seconds Ash moved to several crates. She knelt down and looked in the small space between them and the wall and then Kaidan saw her smile with relief.

"Hey," Ash cooed as she reached down to lift the crying child into her arms. She stood and turned to Shepard and Kaidan. All three marines relaxed simultaneously.

Not long after being picked up, the newborn quieted in Ash's arms. She looked down at the child's face. It was tiny and red, eyes wet with tears. "Glad we found you, little guy…er…girl…er…" She took a quick glance under the blanket. "Girl. Thanks for speaking up." She rocked the baby slightly, an odd thing to see an armored soldier carrying heavy weapons on her back do.

"Good thing she's got a set of lungs," Kaidan smiled and reached for the child. Ash carefully handed her over to him. She felt fragile in his arms. He could already tell she was smaller than she should be, most likely premature.

Shepard stepped forward. "Let's get her to Chakwas and get her checked out."

Kaidan nodded. "I think I'll give Chakwas a hand if that's okay sir. That's a lot of kids that need examined."

Shepard nodded. "Okay. We'll check out the ship."

"Aye aye, sir" Kaidan nodded to both of them and left them on the ship, making his way to the med bay on the Normandy, glancing down occasionally at the now quiet, seemingly content newborn. He smiled at her. "You are one lucky little girl," he said quietly. Today was turning out to be a good day for Kaidan.

* * *

It didn't take long for Shepard to go through the system logs from the freighter and get some information on where most of the kids had been picked up. He sat, in his quarters, looking at the information on his console, pausing to yawn and crack his neck. Cots had been set up in the cargo area for most of the kids, while those that needed more medical attention were still in the med bay. They'd been fed. And they'd pretty much eaten them out of house and home of their military rations. They'd even eaten the never touched packets of vacuu-sealed ice cream. Williams had insisted on making good on her promise. He chuckled at the thought.

Freddie Stanson, the quiet housekeeper had taken it upon herself to watch the kids in the cargo area. It was nice of her to volunteer. She'd very quietly pulled Shepard aside and mentioned that she had experience with young kids so he'd been happy to let her help out.

He stretched his arms behind his head. It had been a long day. The Normandy was making its way back to the Citadel, where the kids would be collected by the authorities and hopefully, eventually returned to their homes. Shepard furrowed his brow and wondered if those homes still existed. He briefly thought of the raid on Mindoir that had happened years ago when he was still a kid. The colony had resisted against their would be Batarian captors, and every one of them had been slaughtered. It occurred to Shepard that these kids might not have homes or families to even return to. It was tragic, but he took comfort in the fact that they'd at least saved the kids from a terrible fate.

He stood. It was late. He would get some rest after checking in with Chakwas. He made his way through the mess hall, nodding at Wesson and Solares who he could have sworn were gossiping. They smiled and nodded to him as well before he entered the medical bay. The lights were dim and Corporal Haines sat at Dr. Chakwas' desk going over some paperwork. Shepard glanced around at the kids that were asleep, then to Haines.

"Corporal," Shepard said quietly. "Chakwas around?"

Haines stood quickly and stiffened a little, a motion that Shepard responded to by putting his hand up, signaling him to relax. He did, and sat back down. "She's getting some rack time while the kids are out," he responded quietly.

Shepard nodded. "How are they?"

Haines glanced at the oldest girl, the one who had had the baby. She was sleeping peacefully on a cot, a small make-shift bassinet next to her which housed her also sleeping child. "Most of them were just underweight and dehydrated. Some infection." He nodded to the girl. "She was pretty bad off, massive bacterial infection from giving birth in her squalid conditions, but we have her on some antibiotics and she should be just fine. Another couple of hours though and…" He shook his head. "It was good you found her when you did, Commander."

Shepard sighed. "Yeah. Let's hope the authorities can get them the care they need. I had Joker set a course for the Citadel. We should be there in a few hours." He paused. "Let me know if you need anything, Corporal. Gonna grab some shut-eye myself."

Haines nodded. "Yes sir. Thanks for checkin' in."

As Shepard left the med bay and walked back to his cabin, he thought of Noveria. They'd been waylaid by this turn of events, and that was frustrating. They needed to get there as soon as possible. They needed to find Benezia. They needed to stop Saren. His thoughts began cascading like a domino effect in his brain. He needed to quiet it, get some sleep.

His quarters were silent, except for the familiar, comforting hum of the engines. He peeled off his shirt, tossing it onto his bed as he made his way to the bathroom. After brushing his teeth, he emerged and sat on the firm mattress, removing his boots, and then standing to remove his fatigues. Training and habit forced him to pile his uniform in a neat stack on the ledge next to his dresser, his boots tucked away just under. As his boxered form lowered itself to his pillow, he pulled the cool sheet over him and stared at the ceiling. It was 0100. They'd be getting to the Citadel at 0500. He made a mental note to wake soon and slowly drifted off to sleep.

* * *

"Piece of shit!" Ashley Williams cursed as she smacked desperately at the coffee machine in the mess of the SSV Normandy. She'd been trying to get some form of caffeine to spew from it for a good ten minutes and now she was on the verge of insanity. An image of her as a chimpanzee smacking at it and making primitive grunts and squeals entered her mind. That was what she felt like. At 0400, Ashley could barely form a sentence, especially when she hadn't had her morning coffee. She liked it strong and black with two sugars. She'd often thought it was probably a crutch she relied on too often, but then everybody had their crutches. She didn't feel so bad. At least she wasn't a stim addict.

"Come _onnn_," she whined with one last weak, pathetic shake of the machine.

"No whining on my ship, Chief." Shepard's voice made her jump. She hadn't heard him come in. She laughed at herself slightly.

"Sorry Commander," she said. "I uh…I get a little cranky without my caffeine."

A rare, full smile appeared on Shepard's face and he laughed. Ash had really only seen him smile thinly or with the corner of his mouth since she'd been assigned to the Normandy fairly recently. Shepard had been mostly business, even when he was relaxing so the expression on his face came as a surprise to her. She thought it was the kind of smile that transformed his face. Without it, he was Commander Shepard, serious, committed, handsome, strong and stoic. With it, she thought she saw a glimpse of a dreamily cute high school boy whose only care in the world was making the varsity squad. Even in her early morning stupor, she was able to find a moment to appreciate it.

"You need help," he said, eyebrow raised, clearly amused by her posture. She was still clinging to the machine. She finally realized and let go, just a little embarrassed.

"Don't you judge me," she teased. "Everybody has their vices."

Shepard shook his head. "I don't drink coffee," he said. His smile was gone now and his Commander face was back. "Makes me jittery. Speaking of which am I gonna have to worry about your trigger finger, Williams?" He was joking with her, and while normally she would have seen this as a fun bonding activity, the perceived chipper nature of his voice was actually starting to grate on her sleep addled brain.

"Only if you get in my way, sir" she quipped.

"Shouldn't make threats unless you intend to make good on them, Williams." Shepard said and he grabbed a glass for some water. Ash could have sworn his tone was flirty and again, while this normally would have been something that made her stomach flutter, the butterflies inside it were still comatose. She leaned against the counter and sighed.

"It's too early for threats," she said. She watched him drink his water, watched his lips curl around the edge of the glass and paid attention to his strong jaw as he swallowed. It was such a little thing to notice, but she was suddenly aware that her body actually was awake, at least far more awake than she felt. She ignored it. "So what's your vice, if you're so perfect, sir?" she asked, a tinge of mischief in her voice.

He shrugged and narrowed his eyes. "I have no vices."

Ash smiled. "I actually almost believe that."

"Eh it's not true." He countered and met her eyes, a slight smile on his face. She let herself linger there, just for a moment, smiling. Her probably too brave gaze was interrupted by a quick dimming of every light in the room. She looked up. The brown out was only a second and distorted the rarely noticeable hum of the ship. She and Shepard both looked around, slightly confused.

"Huh," Shepard mused, and then touched his comm. "Adams," he said. "Just had a brown out in the mess. What's going on?"

"I saw, sir," Adams' voice was clear and loud. "Happened on the whole ship. The sensors are showing a malfunction with the electrical systems."

Shepard exhaled. "How long will it take you to fix it?" He asked.

"It's a converter issue sir. We need to order and replace the part."

"Damn," Shepard cursed. "What kind of risk are we talking here, Adams?"

There was a pause and then Ash heard Adams sigh. "Worst case scenario? Well I suppose the ship could lose power entirely and we'd just be left floating dead in the traverse until someone picks us up. I'll message ahead to the Citadel for the part, but this is a specialized vessel, Commander. Might take 24 hours just to get the part."

Ash could see the commander's face tense. She knew he was anxious to get to Noveria and get on with the mission. She watched as he recalculated the schedule in his brain.

"Shit," he said under his breath. He touched his comm again. "All right Adams." Shepard sighed. "No sense tempting fate by floating around out here. Just get it done as quickly as possible."

"Aye aye sir," The comm chirped off.

Shepard looked at Ash. "Looks like the crew will get some liberty on the Citadel."

Ash was a little excited by the prospect, but also itching to get to Noveria. She could see the muted frustration on Shepard's face, the tension in his jaw. She tried to lighten the mood.

"Can we get a new coffee maker there?" She laughed. He smiled and shook his head at her.

"Yeah. You can also get booze, food and gambling debts there." He chuckled. "I don't think the crew will be too upset we have to dock there for awhile."

"Everyone likes kicking back once in awhile, Sir. You should try it." Ash teased. She had to admit she was kind of looking forward to it.

"I have fun," he countered defensively. "If we're there long enough maybe I'll buy you a drink." He smiled. He was looking into his empty glass. Ash raised her eyebrow at him. She'd suddenly forgotten how sleepy she was. He looked at her then, his expression odd. "That…came out weird. Sorry."

"It's okay," she said. She was mildly amused by his slightly overly suggestive comment, and mildly disappointed that he didn't mean it. Regardless, she couldn't resist her next words. "Maybe I'll let you, sir." They locked eyes for a second before Ash forced herself to turn and start walking out. "See you later, Commander." she added over her shoulder. She momentarily scolded herself for dropping her guard around him, and then quickly told herself to shut up and not worry about it. She was going to make the most of this time on the Citadel, even if flirting with her CO wasn't on the itinerary.


	9. In Flux

**Chapter 9: In Flux**

The gods damned Citadel. Wrex punched a locker with a quiet growl. He cracked his neck. He hated being cooped up in the cargo bay of this human ship. He was restless and bloodthirsty and looking for a fight. He'd had to keep to himself, at the direct request of Shepard. The Commander had wanted to prevent "tension." It was bull, but Wrex agreed to it. He didn't wanna chat with the crew anyway. The most he'd interacted with any of them was while taking a piss. And he was pretty sure he'd creeped out the housekeeper when he smiled at her. He had been trying to be friendly for once, but she had let out a small human squeak and hurried away.

He walked to the armory set up where Chief Williams did her work. She wasn't around at the moment. He'd only spoken to the Chief a little. Chief. An interesting title for a woman to have. Wrex had to admit he could tolerate the chief. She seemed ready for battle anyway, and capable enough for a human. He looked at the neatly placed rows of weapons and clips. Everything was in pristine condition and no doubt working beautifully. One thing he had noticed about the chief was that she seemed to take pride in her weapons, an encouraging trait for any warrior. Her mouth would get her into trouble, he thought. She seemed to always have something smart ass to say, but that wasn't what bothered Wrex about Williams. In fact, that was something about her that sort of amused him. What bothered him was her eagerness. There was something about her that made Wrex wary of her. He assumed Shepard saw it too, her need to make her mark. He would leave it up to him to keep in check.

"What are you doing?" Wrex turned to see the Turian standing behind him. He sneered.

"What's it to you, Vakarian?" He rumbled. He didn't like Garrus Vakarian, that was a given, and now he liked him even less.

"I was just asking," Garrus said, clearly annoyed. "And I wanted to suggest you should probably stay aboard while we're here at the Citadel. C-sec still wants to question you."

"Don't tell me what to do, Turian. I was gonna stay here anyway," Wrex mumbled.

"Just trying to help," Garrus said, annoyed.

"Well don't. And why?" One of Wrex's eyes narrowed with suspicion.

Garrus sighed, a noise that made made Wrex want to rip his wind pipe out. "I just thought maybe since we're on the same ship we should try to not kill each other. Especially since there are so few non-humans aboard."

Wrex grumbled. "You tryin' to make nice with the humans, Vakarian? That doesn't sound like a very Turian thing to do."

He could see that Garrus was offended then. "Dammit, Wrex. I know you think all Turians are bastards but I can't help it you're so short sighted you can't see the bigger picture."

"And what picture is that?" Wrex was simply messing with him now. He couldn't help it. It was too easy.

Garrus scoffed. "This is pointless. I should have known I couldn't carry on a civil conversation with a Krogan warlord." He made a dismissive motion with his hands.

Wrex stepped toward him. "That's right," he threatened. "I'm a krogan. And I'm not here to talk. Don't forget it."

Garrus didn't back down, Wrex didn't expect him to. The Turian had guts, but he wasn't going to let him even think of telling him what to do.

"Do what you want, Wrex" Garrus said disdainfully. "But just remember your actions aboard this ship reflect on all of the non-humans here."

"Meh," Wrex rumbled. "Don't worry your boney ass about it. I'm about to squish some Alliance crew member under my foot just because I get the urge."

Garrus rolled his eyes, and walked away, leaving Wrex sneering with delight. That had been fun, and since he couldn't blow anything up at the moment, annoying the turian seemed like the next best thing. He chuckled as he lumbered back to his cot to clean his weapon.

* * *

Liara sat at her console behind the medbay resting her chin in her hand. She sighed. She had been studying various ancient cultures. Well, studying wasn't really the word. Jumping from subject to subject as a way to distract herself from her stress was a more accurate description, but it wasn't working. She could barely concentrate on the task at hand. She was thinking of Benezia.

She took a moment to remember her mother, early on in life. She was brilliant and wise and loved her daughter though she had been unduly hard on her growing up. In a way Liara was grateful for her mother's stern hand to guide her, though sometimes she had just wished for a warm hug from her for no reason. She shook off the thought. There was no point in dwelling on the past. That part of her life was over, and now she was helping Shepard chase her mother down as a traitor, a thought that was consistently making her stomach turn.

She was pulled from her melancholy reverie by a voice at the door.

"Dr. Tsoni?" It was Lieutenant Alenko. She smiled at him warmly.

"Lieutenant," she said and stood. "What can I do for you?"

Lt. Alenko entered with the smallest of smiles. "I just wanted to come by, see how you were doing. You haven't left this room in a couple days."

Liara looked down rather shyly. She had been hoping no one had noticed her reclusiveness. "Oh," she said quietly. "I know. I have been doing a lot of research," she lied.

Alenko nodded, satisfied with her answer it seemed. "Well we're docked at the Citadel so if you want to head off for awhile it looks like it'll be at least 24 hours until the ship is repaired. So the crew is going out." He paused. "You should go along, get to know them maybe."

Liara felt her eyes widen just a little. The thought of being social with this human crew suddenly made her panic. She was socially inept enough when it came to other asari. No, inept was not the word. Uninterested was better. She was something of an introvert.

"Thank you, Lieutenant," she said with a smile. "But I think I may take advantage of the library on the Presidium. It's very extensive and my work often has me stranded on planets like Therum. It will be so exciting."

There was that almost nonexistent smile again from Alenko again. "Well," he chuckled. "All right then. I'll see you later, Doctor."

"Yes. Uh...later." Liara said. She was surprisingly relieved when he was gone. This thing with her mother was putting her all out of sorts. She couldn't wait to simply be alone with nothing but volumes upon volumes of information. She had to laugh at herself. "You're a social butterfly, Liara" she sighed and sat back down at her console.

* * *

Shepard absentmindedly tossed a thermal clip in the air and caught it, repeating his motion over and over as Kaidan spoke. They'd arrived at the Citadel and most of the crew had taken off to go have their fun. The children had been turned over to the proper authorities and John couldn't help but smile as he remembered the young George beaming up at him as he said goodbye. They would be safe now. It had been a good couple of days. In a way Shepard was grateful for the detour. Looking at the giant picture, what they were facing, what the galaxy was facing was overwhelming. Helping a small group of hungry kids get to someplace safe was good for keeping him grounded, he thought. Being a marine wasn't just about shooting the bad guys. Shepard had learned that pretty early on. During many of his N7 operations his squad had come across situations similar to what they'd just done. It kept a man human.

"Guess Noveria is our next stop" Kaidan said, leaning against the table in the mess. He brought his coffee cup to take a sip.

Shepard flipped the thermal clip up and caught it again. "Yep," he confirmed. Another toss and catch. As happy as he was to have helped George and the other children, he had been restless knowing that not only would it take them over a week to get back to Noveria, but that Benezia might be gone by then, if she was ever there in the first place.

"Is that one of my clips," Ashley said from behind him. Shepard turned, fumbling with the clip that had landed in his hand awkwardly, and then fumbling again clumsily after looking at her. The clip finally landed in his palm far less suavely than he'd have liked and he looked at it.

"Hey Chief. Lookin' good." Kaidan complimented casually.

"Thanks," Ash responded. She did look good. Real good. Different. She didn't look like a soldier at the moment. She looked relaxed, comfortable, pretty. Her casual look had taken Shepard off guard. Her dark hair was longer than he'd thought, just past her shoulders with loose curl to it that framed her face nicely. She wore almost no makeup, yet the subtle shadow on her eyes further accentuated their already dramatic look, and her lips had the hint of a shine from whatever nude colored gloss she wore on them. Shepard noticed quickly her outfit; low heeled boots, black pants and a short military styled jacket over a simple gray colored shirt of some kind. It occurred to him that it looked very "her" whatever that meant.

She quirked an eyebrow. "Why do you have one of my clips?" she asked, pointing a finger accusingly at Shepard.

He looked at it. "Yes. I mean...sorry."

"Why isn't it in the armory...area?" She walked up to him, the movement wafting a rather pleasing, barely there floral scent. He couldn't decide if it was her perfume or her shampoo. She smirked and snatched the clip away from him playfully.

"You got me," he said, a hint of a smile on his face. "I dropped by a little while ago to check with you about something. You weren't there. I guess I just picked it up."

"What did you need?" She asked, suddenly sounding all business.

Shepard thought. He actually couldn't remember at the moment. That was strange. He never usually forgot things like that. He silently admitted to himself that he was probably just coming by to chat with her. "It's not important," he said. "Can deal with it later. Go have fun."

She smiled. "Whatever you say, Skipper. A bunch of people are going to that Flux place, I think. You guys should drop by. You know, pretend you're not stuffy old officers for a night." She smirked.

"Eh I don't really like crowds," Kaidan said.

"Aw come on, L.T." Ash goaded. "Get out into the night air!...of...the space station...yeah." She chuckled. "Okay maybe I'll see you guys there. I gotta run."

"Later, Chief" Shepard said. Kaidan simply nodded his goodbye.

Kaidan paused for a moment, coffee mug in hand and then looked at Shepard. "We're not stuffy."

Shepard shrugged. "Well I'm not..."

Kaidan thought. "It's just the noise and the lights. Tends to aggravate my migraines. What's your excuse, sir?"

Shepard laughed. "I think I did more than my fair share of boozing it up back when I first enlisted." He shook his head. "I don't wanna make anyone uncomfortable. They get enough of me on this ship. I don't wanna make them feel like they can't relax."

Kaidan sighed. "Ever miss it? You know, hanging out with the crew, being one of the group...making fun of the officers behind their backs."

Shepard paused. "Yep."

"Me too." They stood there for a moment, and then they both clearly decided on what they were doing with the night.

"Uh huh," Shepard said.

"I'll get my credit device..." Kaidan said and walked off. Shepard supposed a couple rounds with his crew wouldn't be a bad idea. Besides it wasn't like he was some old man, he told himself. He couldn't help that he'd risen in the ranks earlier than most marines his age. As he walked out to get ready he reminded himself that this was okay. This was allowed. He didn't always have to be the serious guy. And he decided that if he happened to buy his Gunnery Chief a beer, well that would be perfectly professional and acceptable too.

* * *

The music thumped in Ashley's ears as she and some of the crew settled down at a table on the upper level of Flux. It was a pleasant rhythm, loud enough to suggest that people should dance to it, but not loud enough that a conversation couldn't be had on the upper level of the club. The place was brightly colored with lots of neon. She thought it looked like every other club she'd seen, though this place had a significantly larger number of non-humans.

Volus, Salarians and Asari populated the dance floor below. A male Salarian caught her attention. He was really getting into the music. He was kind of flailing in a very euphoric way while twisting and generally doing a rather bad job of moving to the music. She had to smile. It appeared all species were afflicted with guys who were bad dancers.

"Hey Williams, what are you drinking?" Wesson called from the table. A red haired waitress was standing there, looking at her expectantly. Ash walked over.

"What do you have on tap?" she asked. She was dying for a good beer.

The red head smiled. "We have a lot, even some from some of the more remote colonies. I'm assuming you'd like a human beer."

Ash thought. Now was probably not the time for experimentation. She wanted an old standby. "You got anything from Amaterasu?" she asked, expecting the answer to be no.

"Yes. We have Hennigan Gold if you want one of those." The red head smiled, overly chipper.

"Wow really? I was kind of kidding. It's such a small colony I never would have...yeah I'll take one of those." She smiled as the gal took the drink orders of Wesson, Fitzer, Joker, Haines and Tang. She was suddenly feeling very homesick. Hennigan Gold was something her family had always drank at home. It was a good beer.

"And a round of something in shot form for the table," Said Joker. "Oh and make it strong and not purple...but kind of fruity...not _fruity fruity_ just..." The waitress was looking at Joker strangely.

Ash put a hand on his shoulder to stop him and looked at the waitress. "Six vodkas with lemon chaser" she said. Joker nodded his approval.

"Coming right up," said the gal and she sauntered off, leaving Fitzer to stare after her.

"Nice ass" Fitzer said to the table.

"Fitzer, you're a pig" Wesson chided. "We haven't even started drinking yet."

Fitzer looked offended. "Least I'm not ogling our officers, Wesson. I don't give you shit when you get all lubed up over-"

"Hey hey!" Ash interrupted. "Both of you relax. We're here to have fun." Haines and Tang were laughing

"Yeah," Joker said. "Let's try to forget that our job is time sensitive and stressful and important to the survival of galactic civilization as a whole."

Ash gave Joker a withering look. "That was helpful, Joker. Thanks."

The red head returned with the drinks and laid them on the table.

"Oh this should help," Fitzer said as he picked up a shot.

"Hell yeah," Wesson proclaimed as she picked one up too. They all held them up, clinked and downed the vodka. It burned pleasantly on Ash's throat and she sucked on the lemon to chase. She had a feeling it was gonna be a long night.

"Woo!" Sheshi Tang cheered as she slammed her shot glass down. She was their communications officer, and Ash liked her. She had a sense of humor and seemed to be nice. A couple days after Ash had boarded the Normandy, Sheshi had made a point to come down to the armory to say hello. She'd accused Ash of being too introverted, a thought that had made Ash scoff with laughter. After a moment Ash was getting the dirt on the rest of the crew and they were bonding over rifle cleaning, the perils of dating as a female marine, and why neither of them should ever be allowed into an officers' bar.

"I do not 'get lubed' over anyone," Wesson said, flipping her blonde hair back behind a shoulder. She was smiling, seemingly less offended by Fitzer's comment and now she was provoking it. Ash thought that Lisa Wesson possessed the kind of beauty that made her wonder why anyone who looked like that would choose the military. She could have easily modeled. She seemed all right. She was brilliant, like most of the crew and very feminine.

Elliot Fitzer downed his whiskey and soda completely. Ash hadn't even sipped her beer yet. He swallowed, breathed out through his mouth. "I'm sorry!" he defended himself again. "I just got some cabin fever you know."

"Jesus Christ, Fitzer, we haven't even been in the traverse that long," Haines said. Fitzer was a pig, but there was something endearing about him to Ash. Maybe it was his short stature and curly hair or his inability to keep his mouth shut, but the guy had grown on her during some of their late night poker sessions. Ash looked at Haines. He looked exhausted. She knew he'd been working double time with the kids they'd brought aboard, helping Chakwas with their medical care. He was good looking, one of those classically handsome faces, and he was a genuinely nice guy. He'd offered to spar with Ash, which won him points with her. She hadn't taken him up on it yet, but she would be happy to soon.

As her colleagues conversed, Ash looked around the club. She sipped her beer, the familiar tingle and slightly bitter amber liquid creating a pleasant feeling in her mouth. Most beer to her tasted similar to any other beer, but not this one. It had a slight aftertaste of honey and cherry blossom. It wasn't sweet. Ash didn't like sweet drinks, but the cherry blossom was particular to this beer. Amaterasu had a lot of cherry blossoms and they were somehow used in the brewing process. It made her miss home again.

She'd been emailing back and forth with her family quite a bit lately. After Eden Prime her mother had nearly had a heart attack, so Ash felt the need to send updates every couple of days. She even found herself recording goofy vidmails for her sister Sarah and demanding Abby send adorable videos of her niece Maddy.

"Ugh! Shit!" Joker had a sour look on his face. He looked at his drink quizzically.

Ash smiled. "What's the matter joker? Is it the pink drink or the little cherry garnish that's too manly for you?" Everyone laughed.

"Haha," Joker said flatly. "This isn't what I ordered. This is…I'm pretty sure this is Volus piss." Everyone laughed again. "Nah I'm serious. It's rank! Here taste this!" He shoved the drink towards Sheshi who immediately recoiled.

"I don't want your sloppy seconds," she said quickly. "I got my own!" She sipped her beautifully presented lemon drink. "Mmm…sure glad the waitress got my order right…" she said, rubbing it in.

Joker started turning to look around, searching for the waitress. Ash looked too. She was nowhere to be found. "Great," Joker said. "Now I have to get up and find her." He started to move and Ash grabbed his drink.

"Sit down," she said. "I'll get her. I wanna check out the bar anyway."

Joker looked surprised. "Really? Oh…well thanks."

Ash slid out of her seat and made her way to the bar carrying both her drink and Joker's. It was a good excuse to check things out. She sniffed Joker's drink and made a face. She was pretty sure he was right about it being Volus piss.

* * *

Liara was pleasantly surprised to find the data library completely deserted. Of the forty or so consoles in the large metallic room, none of them were even on, and as she walked to one and sat, she realized she was smiling. She touched one of the glowing holographic buttons and the console hummed to life.

Liara had every intention of taking full advantage of the data system on the station. They'd told her their consoles could access a lot more information than most, if you had the right authorization to do so. She thought of the list in her head of the things she wanted to research while here. It was her candy store.

Naturally she wanted to learn everything she could about The Normandy. It was impressive. She knew that it had been built by Turians and Alliance. She clicked and the console beeped and she absorbed all the numerous figures, numbers, facts and specs about the ship. Liara often compared her brain to a sponge. She had no idea how many specifics about how many things were locked away in there, but she knew that in the course of her century alive, she had learned a lot. Well, a lot of facts anyway.

Liara often found herself ignoring all else but whatever it was she was studying. It suited her fine. She was shy anyway. She'd never felt truly comfortable around other Asari, probably because of the stigma of being a "pure blood." She'd come to accept and become comfortable with it over the years. It didn't bother her. She wasn't sure why it bothered others, but it did.

Her shyness and her focused, logical brain often resulted in awkward social exchanges such as the initial few moments she'd shared with the Commander on the Normandy. The first few minutes of their conversation were torturous for her. She'd been afraid of what he must have thought of her. She was bumbling and clumsy with her words, more so than usual. Shepard was quietly intimidating to speak with. Aside from his commanding presence, Liara had admitted to herself that she found him incredibly attractive. At first it had been her scientific curiosity, but as they'd spoken she'd come to be affected by the tone of his voice, the sincerity in his eyes, the confidence with which he moved. She sighed, frustrated with herself.

Her curiosity had already gotten the better of her not long after boarding the Normandy. She was not a hacker, but her years alive had given her the skills necessary to access secure networks that most others couldn't. She had no trouble at all getting into the Alliance mainframe. She was not surprised to learn what she had about Shepard. She'd almost felt as if she was invading his privacy, and she was. Part of her had felt guilty about it, but part of her had enjoyed it quite a bit. It felt forbidden, and it felt as if she were learning things that most people were not privileged to know. She had admitted to him she'd pulled up his file and it caused a moment of tension, but she also hadn't truly admitted that she'd read every detail she could about him.

She'd gone over the time line of his service record, read the glowing reviews by his superiors, and watched his entry into the N7 program and his subsequent mastery of it. She read mission reports, the ones that weren't highly classified. Those were few and far between and mostly involved foiling terrorists or slavers quickly and quietly out in the Terminus. She had accessed his medical records, learned of every combat injury he'd suffered – a broken nose, a bullet to the shoulder, a skull fracture, broken ribs. She read about Akuze, but opted against rifling through the subsequent psychological evaluations as a result of it. She wasn't she could open them anyway and she felt like that was the line. She had no right to intrude on his deepest secrets. Especially when she wasn't sure he even trusted her yet about Benezia.

It was no wonder the crew didn't trust her. Liara had gotten several side-eyed glances from some of the crew. There had been more than one occasion when she'd walked into the mess and two or three crew members had gone suddenly quiet. She knew, or at least suspected they'd been talking about her. No one really looked her in the eye. No one except for Chief Williams.

Ashley Williams had made no effort to hide her suspicion of Liara. While others pretended not to see Liara, Williams made and held a slightly intimidating eye contact. She hadn't really spoken much to Liara. She hadn't needed to. Her face had communicated everything Liara needed to know – that she was watching her and she'd better think twice about any sort of treachery. This was the main reason Liara spent most of her time recently in the back room of the med bay.

Liara tried to tell herself that it was normal for the crew to be protective of itself and its Commanding officer, but she couldn't help but wonder if Williams had also been bothered by the amount of time Shepard had spent speaking with Liara. There was no way to tell if there was something going on between Shepard and Williams. She'd seen them joke around slightly, and they seemed to have a rapport, but they were always professional, at least around Liara.

Liara fought with herself a second and then gave in. She punched a few keys on the board and up popped the file of Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams. Her picture stared back at her. If Liara was going to be subjected to intimidating tactics by the chief, she could at least know as much about Williams as possible. She would not be bullied. And she hoped in time Williams and the rest of the crew would come to trust her.

After reading what she could about Williams' service record and accessing what it would allow of her family records, Liara decided it would be best to do what she actually came here to do in the first place: Research. She indulged herself in the quiet comfort of soaking up information. She sighed, and with a few more beeps and clicks she pulled up everything relevant she thought she should and allowed her brain to soak it in.

* * *

Shepard hadn't ever been a big nightclub guy. He walked in with Kaidan, both of them still in their uniforms, and the two of them glanced around looking for the crew. Shepard preferred quiet bars, where he could think and enjoy a good beer, or maybe even a decent whiskey on a rough day. The truth was Shepard didn't drink much. Shepard didn't actually relax much. It wasn't in his make up. He'd watched his parents work hard and learned from an early age that no one was going to hand him anything. He'd heard the term "workaholic" thrown around about him, but that wasn't true. Shepard liked his downtime just as much as anyone, he just wasn't sure what to do with himself when he had it, and bars were never first on his list.

"There they are," Kaidan said and nodded toward the upper level where the crew had taken up residence in a booth. Shepard nodded and followed him, taking note of the people on the dance floor, the music, the laughter. Shepard didn't dance. Ever. He thought maybe he had tried it once as a teenager. It didn't agree with him. Watching his fellow marines do it in the past had always made him laugh. Most of them were terrible dancers, and he found it hard to take them seriously after.

As Shepard and Kaidan approached the table, Shepard noticed several rounds of shot glasses on the table. The crew raised their glasses with a chorus of "Heyyyyyyy!" as the two officers approached, coaxing a small crooked smile from Shepard's lips.

"Well well," Kaidan said. "Looks like we're late, Commander."

"Hello sirs," Fitzer slurred. Everybody else nodded a hello.

"Finally come to hang with the grunts huh?" Sheshi asked? Shepard smiled. He knew the crew hadn't been here long, but they had clearly gotten several rounds of shots and they were relaxed. It made him relax.

"Have a seat," Joker said and everyone moved to make room at the expansive booth. Kaidan sat.

Shepard furrowed his brow. "Did Williams come with you?" he asked. He'd noticed she wasn't sitting with them and it had been surprisingly disappointing.

"Oh yeah," Joker said. "She went to go get me a drink but she's been gone awhile so we just started ordering shots…. You want a shot?"

Shepard shook his head. "I'm good for now. I'm gonna hit the men's room. Everyone behave while I'm gone."

"Booooo!" jeered Wesson and everyone laughed, including Shepard. He walked away, not at all in search of the men's room.

He caught sight of Ash at the bar. She'd removed her jacket and revealed that the gray shirt she had been wearing was actually a nice tank top. It showed off her toned arms. She leaned forward on the bar, seemingly engrossed in conversation with the male bartender. For a moment, Shepard considered doing an about face and heading back to the table. He didn't want to interrupt, but then she turned her head and saw him. She smiled over her shoulder at him and his feet made the decision for him, taking him toward her.

"Williams," he greeted as he walked up. She turned to face him, a smile on her face.

"Glad you decided to join us," she said. "Is the lieutenant with you?"

"Yeah he's up at the table." Shepard glanced at the bartender who was now back at work, waiting on another customer. "Sorry if I interrupted," he said unconsciously appraising the guy and maybe even doing a little fleeting comparison.

Ash glanced at the bartender too, then quickly back at Shepard. "Oh no," she dismissed. "No no. I was chatting with him about the beer and we realized I know his cousin on Amaterasu." She shrugged. "Small world when you think about it. But no, you...weren't interrupting anything." She smiled.

Shepard smiled back, meeting her eyes a moment, then looked away to do a once over of the entire bar. "Joker said you were getting him a drink?"

Her eyes widened. "Oh shit." She laughed. "I totally forgot."

"Yeah I think he's all right. They've been doing shots without you up there."

"That poor waitress. Between Fitzer ogling her ass and Joker being difficult we're gonna have to leave a big tip. Whatcha drinkin', Skipper?" She motioned to the bartender.

Shepard looked at her beer. "What are you having?"

Ash looked excited. "Oh here," she pushed her nearly half empty beer toward him. "Try this."

Shepard picked up the glass and sipped the beer, the pleasant hint of honey and something else he couldn't quite put his finger on. He nodded his approval and put it back down. "That's good. What is it?"

Ash smiled. "Hennigan Gold. It's from Amaterasu. That taste that put that confused look on your face just now?" She pointed to his face. "That's cherry blossom."

"Cherry blossom?" Shepard repeated. "Sounds kinda girly to me, Chief."

"Girly my ass," she responded. "Couple of these and you'll be one happy Commander. Besides, you sound surprised that I could be girly."

Shepard gave her a look. "This is a trap."

Ash laughed. "Yeah it is. Good for you for not falling into it." She turned to the bartender who was now looking at her expectantly. "One more of these for this guy here." She pointed at him.

Shepard nodded to the bartender. "Put it on my tab along with her next one." The bartender nodded and walked away.

Ash looked at him and raised an eyebrow. He saw the corner of her mouth turn up a little. He quickly defended his actions and called out to the bartender again. "And a round of whatever their drinking up top too." The bartender nodded again.

Ash was leaned forward on the bar, arms crossed in front of her, looking at him. "Nice save," she teased. Shepard had chickened out, suddenly worried that it might seem inappropriate to buy her a drink and she had seen that clear as day.

"Yeah thanks for pointing it out," He smiled slightly at her, not shying away from the clear flirtiness in their eye contact. She looked away as the bartender returned with Shepard's beer, breaking him from his thoughts of whether or not he should tell her she looked nice tonight. He decided to pass on it. "Beer from Amaterasu," he said. "Here?" He shook his head. "Weird."

"I know. Apparently it's a big hit. Who knew?" Shepard watched her lips curl around the edge of her glass, unconcerned that Shepard's own lips had been on it just moments before.

Shepard mirrored her stance, leaning on the bar next to her. "You a beer snob, Williams?"

She smiled. "Nah. But my dad used to brew his own."

"So poetry and beer, huh? Your dad sounds like he was a…fun guy."

"He also played music," she said. "But yeah he brewed. Nothing big, just for him." She paused. "It was pretty terrible." They both laughed.

"Everyone's gotta have a hobby," Shepard said.

Ash narrowed her eyes. "What are your hobbies? Hard to imagine you having any."

"You know, Williams" he said flatly. "I'm really not that dull, I promise."

Ash laughed, but moved quickly to correct herself. "No! That's not what I mean at all. You're the farthest thing from dull. You're….really damn interesting actually." It seemed it was her turn to regret her honesty. She quickly turned and sipped her beer, leaving Shepard to gaze at the side of her face, an unconscious tiny smirk placing itself there for a second. He cleared his throat and was about to speak again when Kaidan walked up.

"There you both are," Kaidan said. "Thought you guys got lost."

Both Shepard and Williams turned to face Kaidan. "Hey L.T." Ash said. "What are you drinkin?"

Kaidan put a hand up. "Just some water. Joker already made me do shots."

Ash laughed. "Come on, Alenko. Can't handle your booze?"

Shepard looked at Kaidan, who looked at Shepard. Shepard shrugged. Kaidan sighed.

"All right," he said. "Grab me a beer will ya?"

"You got it." Ash turned to get the bartender's attention again, something Shepard noticed was no trouble for her. He wouldn't imagine it would have been. Of all the words he would have used to describe her, he had recently added "stunning" to the list.

"So how drunk are they?" Shepard asked Kaidan.

Kaidan shrugged. "Well, Fitzer managed to piss off the waitress, Tang decided to go on a rant about her ex boyfriend and Haines started singing the praises of Chakwas' skills."

Ash laughed. "I knew he had a thing for her!" She joked.

Kaidan smiled. "Jealous, Williams?"

Ash shot Kaidan a playful warning look and he smiled back at her.

"I'm kidding, Chief." He looked at Shepard. "You know I asked Dr. Tsoni if she wanted to join us but I guess she had other plans."

Shepard practically felt Ash bristle. He knew she didn't like Liara. He couldn't tell if she was distrustful of all aliens, or just her. He made a note to ask her about it when they got back to work.

"Got a crush, Kaidan?" Ash asked.

He shook his head. "Very funny Chief. I was being friendly. You should try that with her sometime."

Ash scoffed. "Maybe I would if I trusted her at all." She must have realized she was crossing the line. "Sorry… I'll leave work on the ship tonight." She smiled, and Shepard almost encouraged her to speak up about her concerns when an asari in a long dress approached the three of them.

"Commander Shepard?" She said in a pleasant lilt. They all looked at her.

"Yes," Shepard responded. "Can I help you?" He didn't recognize her as anyone he'd ever met. He waited for her to continue.

"My apologies for interrupting," she said and nodded at Kaidan and Ash. "I've been sent by Shai'ira. She is requesting an audience with you immediately if you would be so kind as to accompany me."

Shepard rolled the name over in his head. Again, he didn't recognize it. "Who is Shai'ira?" he asked.

"Shai'ira is the consort here on the Citadel. She is a great many things to a great many people. She is a powerful woman and has recognized your importance. She wishes to speak with you."

Shepard considered this. The name sounded familiar now. The Consort, as he'd heard her referred to was an influential woman. He knew that much. He suspected that her request to see him had no doubt something to do with his SpecTRe status he'd received a few months ago. He glanced at Kaidan, who shrugged, then glanced at Ash, who had an unreadable expression on her face. She shrugged too.

"How did you know I was here, at this bar?" Shepard asked the woman. She simply smiled.

"You are an important individual, Commander Shepard. Your presence does not go unnoticed." She smiled at him and winked. It took Shepard by surprise and he could swear he actually felt Ash raise an eyebrow at the woman. That thought amused him for a second.

"And she wants to see me now?" He asked. Again the woman nodded. He thought for a second and realized he should probably go. "All right," he nodded and put down his beer. "I'll go see her." He looked at Ash and Kaidan. "Sorry to cut the night short. I'll see you both back on the ship."

"Yes sir," he heard Ash say.

"See you later," Kaidan said.

Shepard turned to look at Ash, suddenly sorry that he had to leave. She smiled.

"Thanks for the beer, Skipper" she said after him. He smiled back and turned to follow the woman out.

* * *

"Come on," Kaidan said. "Let's get back to the group before Fitzer gets us all kicked out."

Ash followed him. "He really that bad?" she asked, weaving through a couple of dancers while holding her beer.

Kaidan sighed. "No. He's just wasted." He smiled at Ash, who shook her head. They headed back to the table and Kaidan noticed Wesson and Sheshi were gone. "Hey guys, where'd those two go?"

Joker looked at the empty seats. "I think they decided we were messing up their game." He said.

"They're on the dance floor I think," Haines added.

Kaidan glanced to the dance floor. Sure enough the two women were dancing enthusiastically to the club music. One or two men had made there way near them to join in the fun. They looked like they were having a great time. He took a second to stealthily appraise Wesson, then decided to look away before she made eye contact. The thought of her inviting him to dance was not a good thought. Kaidan felt awkward when he was forced to dance. He grabbed a seat next to Ash.

"Hey Chief, not gonna join 'em?" Joker asked. "I'm pretty sure they said," he looked at Haines "what was it? We were scaring off all the decent men?"

"That would be the exact wording yes," Haines responded. Kaidan saw them both look at Fitzer, who kind of shrugged guiltily.

Ash laughed. "I'm good. I'm not interested in decent men," she joked. Kaidan smiled.

Fitzer downed the rest of his drink. "Speaking of decent men, where is El Commanderoso deluxe guy?" Kaidan forced himself to just relax and let the strange reference to the commander slide. He rolled his shoulders. He was tense. He hadn't realized how tense he was.

"He had some business to take care of," Kaidan responded. "Something about the Consort wanting to speak with him."

Fitzer's eyes widened and he sat forward. "What?" he barked. Kaidan looked at Ash who was sipping her beer and giving Fitzer a strange look.

"The Consort," Kaidan said. "Some Asari here, I dunno. He took off."

Fitzer, Haines and Joker all started laughing. Kaidan didn't really get the joke, and Ash seemed confused as well.

"What?" she asked. "What's so funny?"

"Oh man," Fitzer leaned up onto the table. Kaidan could have sworn that one of his eyes was looking in a different direction than the other. "It takes months to get an appointment with her. Like seriously no one can see her. She's got all these high end clients. Important people." He burped. "Plus it costs a years worth of fucking creds for her services… or one of her girls."

Kaidan suddenly got the picture. He hadn't heard much about the Consort, but he was aware of what she was. He looked at Ash. Her face seemed to understand it as well, and for some reason she didn't seemed pleased with the realization.

"So, she's a high priced hooker…" Ash asked kind of snarkily.

"Pretty much," Joker confirmed.

"So," Ash continued. "You're telling me some prostitute is somehow this influential person and she's cleared her schedule for the Commander…" Kaidan sipped his beer, trying to figure out Ash's tone.

"Pays to be a SpecTRe," Fitzer slurred.

"Well," Haines said. "I guess she's not just a… you know. She's…well I don't really know, but shit for all we know she's sitting there having tea and conversation with Shepard right now."

More shots arrived on the table at that moment and Kaidan looked at Ash, who scoffed, shrugged and unceremoniously took her shot, then stood up.

"I'm gonna go dance," she said flatly and walked off, leaving Kaidan and the guys to stare after her. Fitzer turned back when she was gone.

"She'sgot a greatasstoo."

Kaidan sighed, not at all looking forward to the end of the night when he would no doubt be responsible for getting Fitzer back to the ship. Joker and Haines were just as drunk if not quite as annoying. He looked at the time on his omni tool. They hadn't even been there that long. This was gonna be a long night.


	10. Idle

**Chapter 10: Idle**

Shepard placed the rather expensive looking tea cup back onto the coaster on the coffee table in front of him. He glanced around the room. He and the Consort, Sha'ira had been speaking for over an hour now in her chambers. The lights were a comfortable warm color, dimmed slightly. Candles spotted the tables and various lush materials clothed the walls and furniture.

"And that's how you ended up on the Normandy then?" Sha'ira asked. She sipped her own tea, her violet colored lips curling around the edge of the cup. Shepard had to admit she was remarkable. Not only was she beautiful but he had found himself drawn into their conversation, sharing small details of his career and life with her, something he rarely did. He had heard Sha'ira was an amazing woman, but he, like most who hadn't met her had simply written her off as a high priced call girl. He suddenly felt somewhat guilty about it.

He nodded and smirked. "You seem to know more about my career than I do, Sha'ira."

An ethereal smile spread across her face. "I have several sources. And I wanted to know more about you. It is a great honor to be a SpecTRe, especially the first of your kind. How are you finding the Council?"

Shepard considered this for a moment. He felt compelled to be honest with her, but he didn't want political blowback. He sighed. "They have a big job," he decided on. "I understand their need to" he paused, searching for the right word "maneuver. I just wish they'd actually listen."

Sha'ira chuckled musically. "Those in power are often not as open minded as we all might hope." She seemed to think for a moment. "They will see the truth I think." She smiled. "You will help them."

The corner of Shepard's mouth turned up. "I'm glad someone thinks so." He looked at the time. "I suppose I should be getting back." He stood.

Sha'ira stood, and a graceful, fluid movement put her close to him. She looked into his eyes, stayed there for a long moment before forming a small smile on her lips.

"Before you go Commander," she began, placing a hand on his and squeezing lightly. "I offer you a gift of words, an affirmation of who you are and who you will become." Shepard nodded, unsure what to expect next as she continued. "I see you. Your uniform fits as if you were born wearing it. You are a soldier through and through. Proud. Solitary. Alone. But it gives you strength." She touched his cheek. "That strength is what kept you alive when everyone around you was dying. You alone survived. You will continue to survive. This may be who you are but it is not who you will become. It only forms the basis for your future greatness. Remember these words when doubt descends, Commander." And with a smile she lowered her hand, leaving Shepard feeling surprisingly vulnerable, almost emotional.

He held her gaze. "You have a remarkable gift, Sha'ira." He nodded, blinked and turned away, suddenly feeling strange. He hadn't anticipated her being so special, that she could see him, could see everyone. For a second he wondered if she was mystical, then shook off the thought. "I should go," he said quietly. "I need to check on the repairs and get everyone ready to go. Thank you, Sha'ira for your company and for the tea. It was great to meet you."

"Likewise Commander," she responded. She placed her hands on his shoulders and kissed him gently on the lips. "Until we meet again."

Shepard smiled, nodded and turned to walk out.

* * *

Ashley had barely slept. She blamed the alcohol she'd consumed the night before. She hadn't actually meant to drink so much, but her mood had been surprisingly soured after Shepard's departure. She'd had fun, bonded a little with the girls, but she couldn't shake the slight bitterness that had resulted from learning Shepard was on his way to hang out with some expensive hooker. She shook it off. It was none of her business, she reminded herself.

"Nice hit," Haines said, pulling her out of her thoughts. She and Corporal Haines were having a friendly sparring session in the ship's small gym. Each hit was much lighter than real combat and the padded, fingerless sparring gloves allowed for some real contact. Ash liked contact. She rarely got the chance for any real hand to hand, preferring instead to take down her enemies from a distance of a hundred yards with her assault rifle.

Haines blocked a kick from Ash's long bare leg. Her shorts were standard Alliance military issue as was her modest sports bra. Her long dark hair was pulled into a ponytail and several stray hairs framed her face. A light sheen of sweat glistened on her toned torso and arms. At 5'9", Ash was not petite, but she still felt tiny compared to most other marines. She landed a solid hit on Haines' solar plexus.

Workouts helped her think. It helped her focus. Some people liked to meditate, Ash liked to sweat it out. Running, lifting weights, sparring; they were all ways for her to deal with things. When her father died she ran so much she thought her legs would fall off. And after Eden Prime the workout space had become a sanctuary. Each hit on the bag was a response to the faces of her friends flashing through her mind. Faces that were gone now. Faces that she needed to be strong for. She swung at Haines, missed him completely, and he caught her arm and landed a kick to her back. She grunted at the contact.

"What's the matter Chief? Distracted?" They had been taunting each other good naturedly the entire time, but he was right. She was distracted. She couldn't get undistracted and that was pissing her off. She landed a left hook a little harder than she'd meant to on Haines' jaw. He looked a little surprised, but unhurt.

"I could go easier on you if you want," she said, a little out of breath. He laughed and they continued their workout.

She wasn't even going to pretend that she didn't know what was bothering her. Shepard. He'd looked really good last night. He'd looked the same as on the ship, still wearing his casual uniform but she realized his existence in a less than professional setting had a profound effect on her. And now she couldn't stop thinking about how things might have gone if he hadn't left.

Haines tried a grab and she spun out, backhanding his chest with her elbow.

She knew things wouldn't have been that different if he had stayed. They would have just barely flirted, chatted and then gone back to their professionalism when they left. Neither of them were about to do anything stupid. She knew that. But she also suspected he was interested. And he probably suspected that she was too. This presented a problem for her brain.

A quick sweep of her leg had her down on the floor with a thump. Haines reached down to help her up and she flipped him. He landed onto his back with an "oof!" and she hopped back up. He followed, looking a little taken aback. She had to laugh at Haines' expression. She stopped sparring for a moment and bent over, out of breath and chuckling.

"You got a lot of anger, Chief, " Haines laughed, breathlessly.

"Sorry," she apologized. She sipped some water. "You okay?"

"You kiddin?" he said hopping back into fighting stance. "I love this stuff. Better than being hunched over medical reports all day. Bring it on, Chief."

Ash laughed. "Careful what you ask for Corporal." She lowered herself into fighting stance again. Ash was a physically aggressive woman. Even as a kid she'd never hesitated to jump head first into a physically demanding situation. She was the kid that climbed the tree to get the ball out of it, the little girl who raced the boys to prove girls could run faster, the big sister that stood up to bullies bigger than she was, the school kid that always had scrapes and bruises. She'd loved it.

Haines wasn't bad, but he wasn't a field marine. If Ash had really tried she could've taken him down in a few short seconds. He blocked an attempt at her grappling, moving to the side and forcing her off balance with a small shove. She regained it quickly, hooking her foot behind his leg and pulling it out from under him as she grabbed his shoulders and pushed. It was a bit of a dirty move, but Ash was feeling ambitious. Haines crumpled to the floor clumsily and quickly scurried to his feet, favoring his ankle. Ash noticed.

"Shit," she said. "You okay? Sorry about that one. Wasn't really thinking."

Haines took a moment to rotate his ankle a little, and then shrugged. "Its fine," he reassured her. "But I think I'll hit the showers if that's okay with you." He smiled. Ash noticed how white his teeth were.

"Kay. Thanks for the workout." Ash patted him on the back as he passed.

"Later." He said and limped off.

As Haines walked out, Ash sat on a weight bench and took off her gloves. She pushed the stray, frizzy hairs back from her face.

"You're dropping your left shoulder too much. Leaves you open," said a familiar voice at the door. Ash nearly choked on her water. Shepard had startled her.

"How long have you been standing there, Sir?" She stood, smiling.

"Long enough to see that you fight dirty." He stepped into the room. He was in workout gear of his own, a pair of Alliance issue gym shorts and a navy blue t-shirt. It hugged his muscles slightly. Ash blinked and looked away.

"Can't help it," she said. "Call it self preservation I guess."

Shepard started some arm stretches. "It's a good trait to have," he stated. "I like it." He cracked his neck and rolled his shoulders.

"I blame my dad," Ash said, now starting her own stretches to keep her muscles warm. "He made me and my sisters take self defense classes when we were younger."

"Smart guy." Shepard moved to the treadmill. "What kind of classes?"

Ash bent, stretching down one of her long legs. "All different actually. Lynn took pistol practice but it didn't stick. She's kinda nervous. Abby did fencing. She's actually really good. Won medals and stuff. Plus she goes to all these ancient Renaissance faires where she wears corsets and fights with broadswords. It's really funny. Corset does great things for her figure though." Shepard laughed as he turned on the treadmill starting at a slow jog. "Anyway Sarah, the youngest takes Aikido. She could probably kick my ass if she wanted."

"I doubt that," Shepard scoffed. "Join me for a run?" He nodded to the treadmill next to his.

Ash shrugged. "Sure. Not like I have anything else to do in the, what 18 hours it'll take us to get to Noveria." She stepped on the treadmill and fired it up.

"I just hope we get there in time to be of some use," Shepard said in a flat tone as he jogged. "So what about you?"

"Huh?" Ash asked, confused. "What about me what, sir?" She matched his pace on the machine. One thing that could be said for military training was that she had remarkable endurance. She was sure the same could be said for Shepard. She forced a suggestive image out of her brain quickly as he spoke again.

"What kind of self defense did you do?" The corner of his mouth turned up. "You don't strike me as the sword and corset type."

She chuckled. "Far from it, Skipper. One of my dad's buddies taught me good ol' marine hand to hand. It's not pretty but it'll keep you alive." They were both jogging at a brisk pace now.

"Damn right," he agreed. "One of these days I show you some moves," he teased.

"Ha," Ash grunted. "Actually that would be great," she realized. "You Special Forces types get training in those magic kill a man with a finger moves right?" She laughed, finally getting a little breathless.

Shepard laughed slightly, a deep short chortle. "Something like that I guess."

They ran in silence for a few moments, the rhythm of their breathing and the pounding of their feet the only sounds in the room. It was comfortable. Nice. Ash was grateful to have a running partner today. Most days she simply listened to music or got lost in her own thoughts, but her mind was blissfully clear at the moment. After a long while, Shepard spoke again.

"So how was the rest of last night?" He asked.

Ash shrugged as she ran. "You know the usual, drinking, dancing, drinking more. Joker threw up in a potted plant. That pretty much ended the night."

"Joker threw up in a plant?" he said, almost laughing.

Ash grinned, glancing at the side of his face. It was slightly sweaty now and somewhat flushed. "Yeah, Alenko was pissed." She laughed, unable to help herself as she remembered Kaidan's disgusted put upon face. "How was your date with the consort?" She asked, immediately regretting it.

"Hm," Shepard mused. "Date…" and for a moment Ash really hoped he wouldn't answer. He seemed to smile. "Strange." He glanced at her. "Just business."

She couldn't stop herself. "Business huh?" She wished her brain would make her mouth stop.

"Not the kinda business you're thinking, Chief." They both laughed. "She's an interesting woman." He said. "Might be a good contact to have anyway. Seems to have political clout." He shook his head. "Shit I hate politics."

Ash smiled. "That's why I just point and shoot, Skipper." She heard him chuckle. They ran more, for a long time again in that same comfortable silence. Their breath almost in synch, labored but even. It was so relaxing. Eventually, Ash's omni tool beeped from the weight bench across the room. She glanced over. "Crap, I gotta get back to work," she said, slowing the machine to a stop, disappointed that she had to leave her comfortable silence. Shepard slowed his machine too, grabbed a towel and wiped some sweat off his face. He looked at her and smiled. She smiled back. "Thanks for the run, Commander."

He nodded. "I'll see you later, Williams." Then he held her gaze for a split second longer than he should have and turned to walk to the free weights.

"Later," Ash responded, fighting a grin and giving in to her temptation to take a quick gander at his butt as she bounced out of the room. It was time for a shower and then it was back to weapons maintenance. Then it was down time until Noveria.

* * *

Joker cringed as Alenko entered the cockpit. He was still embarrassed about last night. And his head was killing him.

"Joker," Alenko said flatly. He sounded disappointed. He always sounded disappointed. Like a dad. Joker got a quick flash of what Alenko would be like as a parent of a teenager. It made him uncomfortable.

"Uh hey, Lieutenant." Joker responded. He knew he'd been a burden. "Look sorry…about being…"

"Sloppy?" Alenko interrupted.

"…Yeah. That." Joker slumped in his chair a little. For all the ribbing Joker gave Kaidan, he really did respect him, as an officer and simply as a man. And Joker had been decidedly non-manly last night as he'd puked into some poor potted plant while Kaidan hovered over him.

"Joker don't worry about it. It's not like you threw up on me. I just hadn't planned on babysitting." He sat with a cup of coffee in the co-pilot chair. "How you feelin?"

Joker relaxed. "Oh man. I feel like ass. Anyway, sorry if I ruined any play you were workin' on."

"What do you mean?" Alenko asked. And then there were things about Kaidan that pissed Joker off. He couldn't just make small talk, guy talk. He couldn't just have easy conversation. The guy had walls and Joker didn't have the energy to break them down.

"You and Wesson seemed to be hittin' it off is all." Joker shrugged. He wasn't normally one for gossip, but the thought of Alenko hooking up with anyone kind of amused him. And he had noticed them chatting in the corner of the booth for a long time.

Alenko shrugged. "I don't know what you're talking about. And I've told you we're just friendly."

Joker hit a few buttons. "Whatever you say, man." He sighed. "Got any of those extra strength migraine injections?"

"No," Kaidan said simply. "So how long until we hit Noveria?"

"17 hours or so, give or take."

"Give or take?"

"I like to leave room for error when I'm hungover." He smiled, but saw Kaidan's face, which was unamused. "I'm kidding. Jesus. You need to relax more man." He heard Kaidan audibly sip his coffee. It was going to be a long 17 hours.

* * *

Garrus entered the mess hall to find Shepard eating a bowl of some sort of human food and looking over a data pad. He walked to the cupboard and nodded at the Commander.

"Commander, how are you?" he asked.

Shepard looked up. "Garrus. What's goin' on?"

Garrus grabbed something from the cupboard, a meal bar. "Just came for some food. I made sure to stock up on some dextro stuff when we were at the Citadel." He sat a few seats away from Shepard, who suddenly shook his head, looking disappointed.

"Shit," Shepard said. "I apologize, Garrus. With everything else I hadn't even considered the fact that we need some dextro food on this ship for you and Tali. We'll get you set up as soon as possible. You should have brought it to my attention sooner."

"It's no problem, Shepard," Garrus said. He didn't blame the Commander. In the three months they'd been aboard, Shepard had had to think of every other little detail. Specialty food items for non-humans simply hadn't made the important list. "I know you have, what's that saying 'a lot on your plate.' Eh, no pun intended. And you probably never figured on having aliens on your crew."

Shepard took a bite of his lunch. "That's true," he said, chewing. "But it's still unacceptable and I apologize. That kind of oversight won't happen again. Other than that is there anything you need?"

Garrus shook his head. "I'm just fine, Shepard. Excited to be here. I knew working with a SpecTRe would be good."

"What do you mean?"

Garrus took a seat at the table across from Shepard. "Working with Csec there was just always so much red tape," he complained. "It's tough to do your job effectively when there are too many rules."

Shepard grunted an agreement. "Politics and bureaucrats. I guess for the most part the rules are there for a reason. How'd you get the leave of absence?"

"It was easy," Garrus said. "I resigned."

Shepard paused. "Completely? I wouldn't have thought that. Just based on some of our conversations. Think you'll go back?"

Garrus shook his head. "I don't know, Shepard. I suppose when this is all over I'll think about it then. The work there was... frustrating. I'm just glad to be working for someone who isn't tied down by politics. You seem to be your own man." Garrus hadn't heard back from his father yet about his resignation. It wasn't going to be pretty.

Shepard let out an exasperated sigh and sat back in his chair. Garrus thought he looked tired. "There are still rules, Garrus. My rules. We get the job done right, not fast. I'm not gonna go all loose cannon just because the Council gives me authority to do it. That's irresponsible."

Garrus hadn't meant to offend. In fact he wasn't sure he had. The Commander was tough to read. His face rarely betrayed what he was thinking and his tone was always even and controlled.

"I understand, Shepard. I didn't mean that we should win this fight at the expense of the lives of innocents or anything. I was just thinking of a job once that I wish I'd had the freedom to do what I needed to."

"What happened?"

Garrus stood. He had a story he didn't feel like telling at the moment. "Another time. I should get back to the Mako," he said. "I need to calibrate it for the cold climate of Noveria. I'll see you in a little while."

Shepard nodded. "Garrus."

* * *

Liara approached Shepard's cabin. They would be arriving at Noveria in less than an hour. Her stomach was fluttering with nerves at the thought of her mother being there. Part of her hoped she wasn't, but most of her wanted to get this feeling over with. She hit the call button on Shepard's door. It opened with a hiss.

Shepard looked at her from his seated position at his desk. He stood to greet her.

"Liara. What do you need?"

She smiled at him as he approached and fidgeted with her own hands in front of her.

"We'll be arriving on Noveria soon," she stated as if he didn't know. He nodded. "I just...well I wondered if I might come with you. On the ground team." She looked down at the floor. "If my mother is there, perhaps I can reason with her, learn why she has taken the path she has." She looked back up at his blue eyes. The quiet understanding they held gave her a different kind of nervous butterflies.

He seemed to think for a moment, and then nodded. "I think it's a good idea." He looked at her, his eyes piercing hers. "How are you doing?" he asked quietly.

Liara felt her shoulders slump a little. "I am...confused. And hurt by Benezia's actions. And worried." She sighed. "And angry."

"We'll get to the bottom of it, Liara. I promise." She met his gaze again and held it far longer than she meant to. He didn't look away from it. She finally did.

"There is something else," Liara admitted. "The real reason why I came by."

"What is it?"

"I apologize. It should have occurred to me earlier." She fidgeted again. "Your interaction with the Prothean Beacon left you with images and feelings. A puzzle that your human mind can't put together."

One corner of Shepard's mouth turned up slightly. "If you're here to tell me I'm an idiot, Liara..."

Her heart jumped in her chest. "Oh my no!" She chuckled a little. He was joking again. She needed to get used to this human interaction thing. "I simply meant that the beacon was not meant to interact with your physiology." She leaned on the table. "When you met the asari on Feros and she gave you the cipher, that too would have been jumbled."

"It is. It's frustrating." He leaned on the table next to her, his arm barely grazing hers. It sent a shiver through her. He shook his head and looked in front of him. "I keep trying to make sense of it, but it's like someone went in my brain and rearranged furniture."

She nodded. "Perhaps I can help you," she said. He looked at her.

"What do you mean?"

"If I join my mind with yours in much the same way Shiala did I may be able to help you make sense." She paused. "That's the idea anyway. There's no guarantee it will work, but if you'd...like to..."

He sat quietly for a moment, then nodded. "Okay," he said. "Let's do it." He stood up straight. So did she. "What should I expect from this?" He asked. "You're not gonna read my thoughts are you?"

Liara smiled. "No. It is not exactly like that. It is more like an exchange of feelings and emotions. Not in the uh...intimate...joining sense. That is different." She could feel herself blushing. "I may receive flashes or images or emotional memories from you, but it is not like a played back recording."

Shepard nodded. "Will I receive anything from you?"

"It is possible, though the joining is passive on your part." She looked down. "I must warn you it is still a rather...intimate...encounter. You may feel strangely violated after, though I assure you that is not my intention."

Shepard shook his head. "Its okay, Liara. It will be fine. I trust you."

She smiled at him, enjoying his words, happy to hear the affirmation. She moved closer to him. "Then we'll begin," she said quietly. Her face was very close to his. She could smell his skin as she looked into his eyes. The scent of him was causing her own senses to stir. She stifled them quickly as she spoke again. "Relax your mind, Commander. Feel as though it is emptying of all your thoughts. Open yourself to the universe that surrounds you. Open yourself to me." She could feel it, the beginning warmth creeping up her spine and into her skull. The room became a blur, her focus completely on Shepard's eyes as she whispered "embrace eternity."

Her vision went dark as a series of waves of emotions, memories, feelings, images crashed over her over and over. Her mind pulsed with them, the jumbled, potent sentiments. She felt heartache, pain, determination, exhilaration, and adrenaline. She felt loss and joy and crushing defeat, all within the span of a few seconds. And she saw them, the images from the beacon. They tore into her, burrowing into the places in her mind where no thoughts had business being. It was intense, bold, terrifying, but she could not turn away from them. Eventually, all things slowed, became even, quiet and Liara felt a calm, tranquil space. The exchange was over, but she didn't want to leave this peace.

She forced herself to slowly return to being present. As her mind crept back, as her body regained tactile sensation, she realized she was leaning on Shepard, her hands pressed to his chest. And she felt tears on her face. His eyes looked concerned.

"Liara?" he said quietly. She felt faint, dizzy and did not resist the urge to press her body to his, resting her head on his shoulder to steady herself. The room was spinning as she wiped the strange tears from her cheek.

"I am fine," She said shakily, but did not move. His hands had come to rest on her back, holding her there gently until she regained her bearing and pulled away from him. Embarrassed, she smiled and wiped the remainder of the tears from her cheek.

He still looked concerned. "Are you all right?" He asked. He hadn't taken his hand from her shoulder. "You look...pale."

Liara laughed, breathlessly "I'm okay." She stepped away. "I was just dizzy. That was...very intense."

"You wanna have Chakwas check you out?"

She shook her head. "No no. I'm fine. I'm sorry. I should have realized the influx of everything would do this to me." She smiled at him reassuringly. "I promise I am ready and able to join you on Noveria. I will sit and relax for a bit before we dock."

Shepard nodded, finally taking his warm hand away from her shoulder. "I think that's a good idea."

"Yes. It will give me time to process this as well. Hopefully it will all make more sense for both of us soon."

She watched as the corner of his mouth turned up and he chuckled. "Here's hoping."

Liara smiled at the Commander and then turned and headed for the door. She didn't turn back as she felt her throat get choked and her eyes start to water again. She barely made it to the empty med bay before her tears began free flowing, her breath catching in her chest. The sadness she felt at the moment had a name in her mind. Akuze. And she couldn't help from freely sobbing under the hum of the ship.


	11. Cold

**Chapter 11: Cold**

Everyone on the main team was assembled in the comm room and their attention went straight to Shepard as he entered. He had a dull throbbing headache that was putting him in a mood. He wondered if it was the result of joining minds with Liara. He glanced at her. She smiled. She looked much better. The color had returned to her cheeks and she seemed less shaken by what she had experienced. To be honest, Shepard didn't know what the hell had really happened. All he knew was that very suddenly, memories he had buried long ago were bobbing to the surface to haunt him. Memories of Akuze. He was just getting pieces, but it was enough to ruin his day, and he was fairly certain he would have trouble sleeping later.

"Okay," he began. "We'll be docking in about ten minutes. Already spoke with Noveria's control tower. Their security is tight so as long we we're there no one is to leave the ship." He glanced at Pressly "Let everyone else know that too."

Pressly nodded. "Understood, Sir."

Shepard looked back to the team. "They've already been a pain in my ass about carrying weapons there. I had to haggle with their chief of security so I can only bring two of you with me. Wrex I don't know how much muscle I'll need but better safe than sorry. Liara, are you ready too? I wanna get in, get what we need and get out."

"Shit I hate the cold," Wrex boomed.

"I'll go if Wrex is too much of a wimp," Ash offered jokingly.

"Don't push it, Williams." Wrex said flatly.

"All right, that's enough." Shepard didn't have the patience right now for anything non essential.

"We can't get off the ship at all?" Tali asked sadly from the corner. "I was hoping to check out a parts store I'd heard about." Shepard could almost see her frown.

"Sorry," He said. "They were specific. Everyone on the ship is just gonna have to amuse themselves somehow for the next…I dunno 48 hours or so."

"Who here plays cards?" Garrus asked.

"All right we gotta go," Shepard prodded. "Let's move out. Dismissed everyone." Everyone stood and headed out. Everyone but Ash, who lingered with a strange look on her face. "Williams?" Shepard said flatly. "There a problem?"

"No sir," She said. "It's just…You're taking Dr. T'soni with you?"

"I might need her when we find Benezia." He could see Ash resisting the urge to question his decision. He knew what she would say if she felt like she weren't overstepping. She would say that Liara was an archeologist, not a marine. She would ask if he was sure Liara could have his back, if she could hold her own in battle. They were valid questions. Shepard had asked them himself. He decided to answer all of them unprompted. "She's got a lot of biotic power. We saw that on Therum. I think she can hold her own, but I'm hoping we'll be able to avoid a firefight anyway."

"I know," she said. "And I don't mean to question you, sir. I apologize." She still looked like it was bothering her.

Shepard sighed. "Speak your mind, Williams."

She sighed in return. "Sir have I done something wrong?" she asked bluntly.

He furrowed his brow. "No. Why would you think that?"

She stood straight. "I haven't accompanied you on the last couple ground missions and I was wondering if there was a reason." She looked at his eyes with a clear sense of nonprofessional wonder. "If…I overstepped or something…"

"No," He said too quickly. "No. That's not it." He smiled. "I didn't mean to sideline you." He thought for a second, and then looked at her again. "I wanted you take a back seat after Feros for a bit with your injuries."

She raised an eyebrow. "Sir. That was a month ago. I'm all healed and ready to work. I was weeks ago."

"I know that." He replied.

"If you have any doubts that I can do my job, sir I'd like to put them to rest." She was serious. "And…if you were…" she cleared her throat. "showing…favoritism…for…whatever reason then stop it….Sir." She nodded, very clearly the soldier he'd met on Eden Prime.

He nodded, feeling well scolded. "Message received, Chief. Loud and clear. And I wasn't." He sighed. "Or maybe I was and didn't know it. I guess maybe I'm the one who overstepped." He hadn't meant to, but the suspicion that he had let his personal feelings for her get in the way hit him like a truck. He was disappointed in himself.

He saw her smile at him, in spite of the situation. "Just don't let it happen again, Skipper."

"I won't." He smiled back at her, making a real effort not to hold her gaze. "Enjoy your down time," he joked.

She laughed. "Can't wait." She said and turned to go. She paused, turned back and looked at him. Her expression was serious. "Watch your ass, Shepard." He nodded to her and then she turned and walked out.

* * *

Noveria was a frozen wasteland. From the moment Shepard, Wrex and Liara stepped off of the Normandy, they were met with resistance. Shepard didn't like to throw around his Spectre weight, but he had to admit it got him all kinds of access he could never have with only his Alliance credentials. Something stunk in Noveria. It was a familiar stink of corruption, greed, and shady, underhanded dealings. For all the dangerous situations Shepard had ever been in, he was thankful he didn't have to deal intimately with corporate slime balls. He'd rather be in a fox-hole fighting off thresher maws than have to police this crap on a daily basis.

After some quiet conversations, they discovered Benezia had in fact been there, but that she'd gone to Peak 15, the research facility for Exogeni not too far away. The real problem was the storm. There was no way to get to Peak 15 until after it had passed and that wouldn't happen for the few hours or so. After some grumbling by Wrex and some exasperated sighing by Shepard they resigned themselves to staying in a hotel for the night.

Shepard entered his room and turned on the lights. Like everything else in Noveria, the room was cold looking and hard, with cool recessed lighting. Everything was white or grey save for the blue piece of art that hung above the headboard of the bed, but even that was abstract with cold hard lines. He sat on the edge of the bed and ran a hand over his hair. His headache was still there, but he had to try to get some rest. He stripped to his boxers, lay on the bed and closed his eyes.

He'd learned to focus over the years, to drown out the unwanted images and thoughts, the sound of screams, the shriek of beasts. He began a slow, meticulous countdown from 100 in his head. For a long time after the counselor had suggested it, Shepard had thought it silly or stupid. Now it was his go to method of deprogramming. It was simple, like counting sheep or listening to some kind of white noise. Simple and effective. By the time he was at 57, he was ready to drift off and after a short fight with his natural defenses he was able to.

* * *

Kaidan was drunk.

Everyone was drunk. And laughing. Hysterically. Joker had just told them an embarrassing story about the night before they'd boarded the Normandy and a magenta haired waitress named Violet. Then he'd done his best Nihlus impression and Kaidan couldn't help himself from laughing full and loud.

Kaidan, Ashley, Garrus, Joker, Wesson, and Fitzer sat at the mess hall table. Their cards had long since been discarded into messy piles on the table and they had finished off a bottle of vodka already. Garrus had his own bottle. Fitzer had tried to take a sip earlier and Garrus had practically taken his arm off, claiming that if he drank it he might die because of the dextro protein content.

"I can't believe after all I did to set you up with that chick you failed to close the deal," Fitzer laughed at Joker.

"It wasn't my fault! She nearly puked!" Joker yelled.

"Never stopped me," Fitzer claimed.

"You're a winner, Fitzer. True class." Ash could barely say it she was laughing so hard, and now her face was buried in Kaidan's shoulder.

Kaidan just shook his head. He wasn't sure how they'd convinced him to drink so much. It was an accidental drunk he realized. He wasn't much of a drinker, but all his work and then some was done and he hadn't had a way to pass the time.

"I'm not proud" Fitzer said.

As the laughter died down Ash added. "You know I didn't meet Nihlus. I just saw him there on Eden Prime...all...dead..."

"Yeah," Kaidan said. "That wasn't exactly what we'd planned."

The room was quiet for a second before Garrus spoke. "Way to bring the room down, Williams."

"Sorry!" She exclaimed. "I didn't mean to. I'm normally a happy drunk I swear." She looked at Kaidan. "Not that I drink. Hardly ever actually."

Wesson took another shot. "I drink all the time." She winked at Kaidan, a gesture he didn't mind in the moment. "Helps me get the reports right."

Joker stood, wobbling. "Shit I'm drunk. What the hell is that stuff?"

"It's just human vodka," Garrus said innocently. "Isn't' it all right?" Kaidan liked Garrus. He seemed to be a well meaning man, and it was nice that he had finally taken the time to socialize with some of the human crew.

Joker picked up the bottle. "Holy…this stuff is like a bajillion proof!"

"What?" Ash said. "Lemme see that." She clumsily reached across Kaidan's lap and the table and grabbed the bottle. She didn't even reposition herself as she read it. "Woooahhhh…" she said in a low tone. She clambered awkwardly back to her spot, the palm of her hand landing hard near Kaidan's crotch, causing him to jump.

"Woah!" he barked.

"Sorry," she said. "Shit, you guys…." She paused for dramatic effect. "We are all _wasted._"

Everyone laughed again. Now Kaidan understood why he'd felt like he'd barely drank anything but was extremely intoxicated. He grabbed the bottle and looked at it. "Oh great," he said. "This will be good for my headaches." He noticed he slurred just the slightest bit when he said it. He cursed inwardly.

"Too strong for you humans then?" Garrus chuckled.

"Yep. Well I'm a bed," Fitzer said. He got up clumsily and staggered off without another word. Ash collapsed laughing onto the table, then ended up leaning on Kaidan. He put his arm around her lazily and laughed himself.

"Think I should too," Wesson said. "Before I make an ass of me." She walked off in the same direction as Fitzer. "Hey! Fitzer wait!"

"Fly's not gonna ship itself," Joker said. "Oh wait. We're not flying. Bedtime!"

"Watch yourself Joker," Garrus called out. "Don't want to break anything."

"Yeah yeah," He said back as he limped off.

Garrus sighed. "I suppose I should go too." Looks like the party's over. "See you later, Lieutenant. Williams." He walked off, leaving Ash and Kaidan sitting in the mess alone.

"Okay," Ash said, gesturing. "I call off the record." Kaidan had to laugh. She had a lazy smile on her face and her eyes were slightly glazed. "I'm serious. You can't….nothing we I've said or…anyone. Just…"

"What?" Kaidan was fully amused by her lack of motor control.

Ash suddenly pouted sadly. "Just this was kind of an accident and all happened you know…"

"Really fast," Kaidan finished.

"Yes." She pointed at him. "That. So I get a free pass without you thinking I'm some…drunk who can't pull her weight…" She nodded.

Kaidan got serious. "Ash I know you're not." The booze was perhaps making him a bit maudlin at the moment, but he suddenly felt the need to have a heart to heart with her. "You're really good at what you do. I know it. Shepard knows it. Hell the Alliance knows it. Don't worry."

She smiled. "Good," she said quietly. "Someone…knows it. That's good." She looked down at the table.

"So how are you doing?" Kaidan asked. It was an open ended question but he was hoping for an honest response.

She shrugged. "I'm five by five L.T." She said confidently, then looked off and her face fell. After a short pause she continued. "I miss them," she said quietly. "All of them."

Kaidan nodded. "Your unit…"

Ash nodded. "I can't stop seein' 'em you know? I mean I'm dealing" she corrected. "But…it's just…" she looked down and shook her head again. "Doesn't seem fair."

Kaidan knew he had to choose his next words very carefully. "Nothing ever does," he decided was good. "If it's any consolation… we all have our demons."

She looked at him. "Can't picture you with demons, Alenko."

He half smiled. "I have them."

"Nuh uh."

"I do." He chuckled. "I'm…dark and mysterious with a painful past," he joked, though a small part of him knew that he wasn't joking.

"Ah," Ash smiled. They were thankfully back into joking territory. "Is that how you get all those ladies?"

"What ladies?"

Ash shrugged. "All of them?" She laughed. "Or is it your magical, sparkly sad brown puppy eyes?" She rested her chin in her hand and smiled at him.

"I don't have puppy eyes," He argued.

"What. Ever." She poked at him. "Face it, Lieutenant. You are dreamy with a capital D." She poked a couple more times, prompting him to smack her hand away. "Remember I get a free pass!" she added.

"Quit it." They laughed again. "All right I have to go to bed."

"This is gonna hurt tomorrow."

"Yeah." Kaidan said. "Think I'll leave this out of my report to Shepard."

"Goooood callll." Ash drew the words out as she stood and collapsed quickly back into a chair. She was really hammered. The inebriation had really snuck up on all of them.

"Come on, Chief," Kaidan said and hauled her to her feet. She walked with him, fully capable of getting herself to her bunk, but his overprotective streak had kicked in.

"I can do it," she protested.

"You'll bust that hard head of yours. Come on." They made it to Ash's bunk. There were a few sleeping crew members in the room already as Kaidan released her and let her plop onto the bed in the dark. She laid down immediately and grabbed his hand and patted it.

"Hey Alenko?" She said.

"Yeah." He whispered.

"You're a good kid." Then she giggled. He couldn't help himself from smiling.

"Williams don't make me kick your ass. Good night."

"Good night, sir."

Kaidan turned and headed for his own bunk on the other side of the room. He didn't even remember lying down and passing out.

* * *

Liara couldn't sleep. She rolled in her hotel bed and sighed. When she'd seen the images from the Prothean beacon it was as if years of her research had suddenly come to life. She was hungry for more information. Seeing those things when she'd joined with Shepard had been like a dream for her, but it was the many other things she saw in Shepard's mind that really piqued her interest. When they'd joined, a flood of memories, experiences and emotions had transferred to her. The joining had been necessary yes, but it was also an extremely personal act usually reserved for a partnering. Shepard would have received similar information from Liara. In the very truest sense, they had been as intimate as lovers. Liara couldn't help but feel as if she knew Shepard better than anyone did. The thought made her uneasy, but also excited her. In truth, she wanted, needed to know more.

The pieces she'd put together were fascinating. She suspected that Shepard's parents, both military had been tough on him growing up. They were strict, and his relationship with both of them was built more on respect than anything else. She saw a woman Shepard had seemed to love very much, and she got the sense that it had not worked out because of his commitment to his career. He sometimes still regretted how it had ended. She felt that too.

She saw Akuze and the horror that Shepard saw there. She felt his fear, his terror, his desperation and determination. Many details of that memory were blocked from her, which meant much of it was blocked for him as well, buried deep in the farthest reaches of his soul.

More than anything Liara had felt Shepard's burden. He carried a great weight. A tremendous responsibility had been thrust upon his shoulders. He carried the lives of his crew in his hands, and he knew it. He was protective of them, even the ones that had just joined him, the non-humans, Liara herself. She felt the daily stress, saw how his mind raced, calculated, planned, and adjusted to variables. She was impressed. She knew that few beings, especially a race as young as humans could carry that weight alone. And he was doing it with a level head, with a sense of outward calm. He was like the eye of a hurricane, controlled and observant as the storm raged on around him. The thought conjured up sexual imagery for her. She almost blushed, even as she lay alone in her bed.

She was drawn to the Commander in many ways, including physically. She had never been attracted to a human before. But then, Liara spent most of her time avoiding most people, Asari, human or otherwise. She was shy, socially awkward, young and inexperienced. She wondered if he had felt her attraction to him, something that she wouldn't be able to hide during the joining of their minds. She'd felt something back from him, she thought, but what it was she couldn't be sure. Perhaps she was only hoping.

She'd also sensed a….fondness… for Chief Williams, though Liara thought she might just be projecting that she had. The mystery of it puzzled and frustrated Liara. If she knew exactly how he felt, she could plan her actions accordingly. If he had feelings for Williams, Liara would not make her own known. But she couldn't know, not from the joining. She scolded herself silently at the thought. There was so much to do, so many things to accomplish. She wouldn't mention her feelings to him even she had felt he would reciprocate.

Shepard was intimidating, blunt, authoritative and strong. He was a warrior and could strike fear into the heart of the most deadly Krogan battle master. But Shepard was also kind and compassionate and honest. She knew it from the way he spoke to his crew and mostly she saw it in his heart. He was a good man who believed in doing the honorable thing. He believed that good could triumph over evil. He was the tortured hero, and she wanted to comfort him.

She sighed with frustration as she looked at the clock. She would need to be up in about four hours. There was no way she was getting to sleep. Her thoughts drifted to Benezia then. "Oh mother," she sighed. "What have you done?"

* * *

In the morning, Shepard was able to get access to a vehicle in the garage. Wrex drove carefully along the frozen roads until they came to the facility at Peak 15. The storm had passed but everything was still a frozen wasteland. He'd ordered Wrex to slow down three times after he'd nearly driven them off a cliff. Shepard had to admit, Noveria's surface had its own kind of icy, cold beauty. The sun was out and the glacier blue ice seemed to glow. They exited the vehicle, the cold penetrating even their sealed suits. Ten minutes without that kind of protection and they would have frozen to death. As they approached the facility it loomed at them. It seemed carved out of the side of the mountain, a part of it instead of a scientific facility. It was eerily still. Shepard had a strange feeling in his gut.

"It's quiet," Wrex said.

"Too quiet," Liara responded, her voice a bit shaky.

"Too too quiet," both Shepard and Wrex stated in unison. He looked at the Krogan, who seemed to sneer a smile at him at their common joke.

"I don't even wanna know what they do here," Wrex said as they entered the warm corridor. As it shut behind them, they were blasted with a wave of hot air. Liara looked nervous. Shepard noticed.

"Hey," he said. "You okay?" She nodded unconvincingly. He knew it must be hard for her. To face her mother after all these years would be difficult enough, but knowing she was a traitor, that she'd sided with Saren must have made it unbearable. He wasn't sure how to comfort her. "Just stay close to me," he said. "If we hit trouble, keep your head down as much as possible and when you get a chance throw everything you got at 'em." She nodded again, this time more convincingly. Shepard actually had no idea what to expect when they entered the compound. Would they face an army of Geth? Benezia herself? He was hoping he was prepared for both.

The structure looked deserted. As they moved quickly and stealthily through it, weapons drawn they saw no signs of any life. The only noise was the metallic creaking of the foundation in the wind outside.

"This is damn creepy, Shepard," Wrex remarked.

"We're all clear here," Shepard said as he exited the last of the offices. "Let's get that tram to the other structure, see what's there."

"Hopefully something to shoot," quipped Wrex. "I'm bored now." Wrex was a simple kind of Krogan and Shepard admired that. He was a warrior, a killer, terrifying when he needed to be and sometimes when he didn't need to be. Shepard was glad he was on their side.

As soon as they got off the tram, Shepard's alarms went off. His years of honing his gut instinct told him something wasn't right. No sooner had he felt it, than they heard a horrific, piercing screech. It surely wasn't human, but it wasn't anything Shepard had ever heard either. The floor not ten feet away from them suddenly burst open and a hideous, insect-like beast spewed forth and reared up to attack.

"What is that?" Liara cried.

"Who cares?" Wrex said calmly, and immediately blasted the beast, cutting off its screech and sending green insides exploding forth. It fell immediately. "Finally." Shepard just looked at him, mildly amused.

"It looks like some sort of… I don't know what it is," Liara said. "Xenobiology is not my area of expertise."

"Maybe it's something Exogeni created in their lab," Shepard said.

"Rachni," Wrex grumbled. Shepard looked at him. "This is bad news, Shepard."

Shepard nodded, scanning the area with his eyes. "Well, I think we can probably count on seeing more of them."

"Good" Wrex rumbled and cocked his shotgun.

Guns drawn, they rounded the nearest corner, Shepard in the lead. The bullet just missed his head, hitting the wall behind him, sending a spark flying. He ducked back around the corner.

"Hold your fire!" He heard someone yell. He paused for just a second before cautiously peering around the corner again. There were several armed men. He walked out slowly and towards them, one hand up to show he meant no harm. "Holy shit, man." The haggard man exclaimed. "We almost killed you. Sorry. We're a little on edge."

"I'd only be pissed if you'd hit me," Shepard said. "Shepard, Alliance Navy."

"Aw crap are we glad to see you, sir. I'm Miller." The men with guns had a makeshift barricade up. Their eyes were red and they looked exhausted.

"What happened here?" Shepard asked.

Miller shook his head, ran a hand through his hair. "Oh man," he said. "Those things. I don't know. Shit. They must have gotten out or….or something. They've killed damn near twenty of my people."

"We have seen them," Liara said.

"They're not so tough," Added Wrex.

"Yeah well, we've been having a hell of a time with them. We've been taking stims and doing double shifts but they just keep coming every few hours or so."

"Why didn't you radio?" Shepard asked the obvious question.

The man shrugged. "Storm cut the power. Been days since we've been able to get in contact with anyone. They finally send you?"

Shepard shook his head. "I'm here for something else, but we'll make sure you and your team get out. How many are you?"

The guy's cheek twitched. "There're us five here, about ten more guards down in the bunks with about fifteen civilian scientists."

Shepard nodded to show he understood, but he needed to complete his mission. "We're looking for an Asari Matriarch." Shepard said.

Miller looked a little uncomfortable. "Yeah," he said. "She came through here. Had a bunch of commandos with her and a few things I've never seen before in my life. She headed to one of the other labs. Shit. As if we didn't have enough problems."

"You think she had something to do with these things being released?" Shepard asked.

"I don't know," Miller replied. "Icy bitch though. I'd watch yourself." He motioned with his head. "You can take the maintenance entrance back that way. Leads to the hot labs. That's where she went I think, but that was at least 24 hours or so."

"Thanks," said Shepard. I'll radio for evac for your people."

"Thank you, sir," Miller said. "Watch yourself, Shepard."

They made their way down the maintenance passage. Shepard was ready for anything at this point. Nothing about Noveria had been what he expected, and the added variable of violent creatures wasn't helping. They met a couple more on their way and quickly put them down. Wrex seemed to be enjoying himself.

"Why would there be Rachni here?" Liara asked. "They must have been performing experiments, but… that is very dangerous. And cruel…"

"Cruel?" Wrex said. "The Rachni should have been wiped out completely a long time ago."

"They are sentient creatures, Wrex" Liara countered. "To experiment on them is the equivalent of…of a war crime!"

Wrex scoffed. "Those animals we just met didn't seem so sentient to me."

Liara didn't respond, simply choosing to concentrate on the task at hand apparently. They came upon the lab door and opened it. When they entered they found who Shepard assumed to be Benezia standing next to a tank that held one of the same creatures they'd seen. Only this creature was larger.

As Benezia spoke, and as Liara pleaded with her mother, Shepard understood that this confrontation would no doubt end violently, an outcome he had hoped to avoid. Benezia's mind was poisoned. She spoke of the Rachni, the creatures they'd seen, the Reapers, and Saren who would bring it all upon them. In short, the Matriarch had lost her marbles. Shepard could hear the pain in Liara's voice as she spoke with her mother. He grabbed her arm though as she tried to step forward to her, knowing it would be a bad move.

Eventually, there was nothing any one of them could say. Benezia was talked out.

Shepard watched as the blue corona of biotic energy swelled around her. He heard the doors to the lab open and the boots of Asari commandos and Geth troopers pounding on metal. He had just enough time to push Liara behind a crate before the firefight began. Shots rang in Shepard's ears as he took cover and began picking off their enemies one by one. To his surprise, Liara was a crack shot with her pistol. He quickly reminded himself that she was, after all 106 years old and had probably had some sort of combat training over the years. Her biotic power was also an impressive display. She levitated and threw their enemies, blasted them with pushes and thankfully was pretty good at reinforcing their shields. Shepard felt himself get hit several times, but hoped there was no real damage. When adrenaline was pumping sometimes it was hard to tell if he'd even been hit. Shepard watched Wrex bludgeon a commando, then turn and expertly blast another with his shotgun. He was having a field day.

When the dust had settled, Benezia had been fatally wounded though he wasn't sure by whom. In her last few minutes she was lucid and she began to speak as herself. She told them all about Saren, his plan, his control over her. She handed Shepard a data disc. Liara was at her side. He could see the pain on her face as she watched her mother slip away. Benezia had helped them in the end and paid a terrible price for doing so. When she was finally still, Liara touched her face, clearly heartbroken, fighting off tears. Shepard touched her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Liara." No sooner had he said it than the corpse of a commando shot up and pressed its back against the glass tank that held the Rachni creature. Shepard and Wrex aimed their weapons at it, but then it began to speak. Or rather it began making a sound that sounded vaguely like speech. The Rachni was speaking through the corpse. It was one of the strangest things Shepard had ever seen. The Rachni told them she was their queen, told them their history, and told them what they had done to her and her offspring there. Eventually, to his surprise, Shepard was convinced by the Queen to release her, and he promised to destroy the offspring that were still locked in the labs.

"You're letting her go?" Wrex yelled. "What the hell is wrong with you, Shepard? The Rachni are dangerous. They proved that a millennia ago and you're just gonna let it crawl out of here?"

"If Shepard were to kill this creature he would be dooming an ancient race to extinction, Wrex," Liara sounded like herself again.

Wrex stepped forward. "Then I'll do it." He boomed. Shepard stepped in front of him. "Out of my way, Shepard," Wrex said quietly. Shepard narrowed his eyes.

"I'm letting her go, Wrex. You don't like it feel free to get to hell off my ship." Wrex closed one eye and glared at Shepard with the other. After a moment he backed off and turned away, fuming. Shepard was admittedly a touch relieved.

He turned to the tank and hit the release, then watched the queen exit. A twist in his gut made him hope he was doing the right thing, but he believed it was.

"Let's finish off the others and get out of here," he said. He touched Liara's arm as he passed her and then they headed to the other lab to eliminate the rest of the creatures. The task itself proved fairly easy, as the majority of the corrupted Rachni were concentrated in one spot and the blast radius of the bomb they set off took care of them. When it was all over Shepard radioed for evac for the people in the bunks and he and his team headed back to The Normandy.

The debrief for the crew was short. Shepard was filthy, tired. The Council gave him their usual disapproval especially regarding the Rachni queen. Ashley, Kaidan and Garrus seemed more sluggish than usual. It was obvious they were hungover as they listened to his report. He decided to let it slide. He was tired. When he was finished he thought he'd better see how Liara was doing, so he made his way down to the med lab, where he knew he would find her.

As soon as he walked in he could tell she'd been crying.

"Hello Shepard," She said.

"How are you doing?" He asked. She reminded him of a little girl, the way she sat, hunched over, her feet turned in a little. She looked vulnerable.

"I am fine. Thank you." She looked down. "I am sad for Benezia, but she chose her fate. And so I must accept her death. I am grateful to you for taking me with you. I am sorry I could not be more convincing with her." She fidgeted with her hands. Shepard leaned on the desk next to her.

"You did just fine," he reassured. "There was nothing anyone could do. Don't blame yourself." She smiled thinly at him and he could see that her eyes were barely holding back tears again. He lowered his voice. "If you need to talk…" Shepard wasn't usually the type to comfort people, but he had a lot of sympathy for Liara, and he realized, a bit of a soft spot.

She nodded at him. "Thank you, Shepard. For everything. If you will excuse me, I would like to be alone for awhile." He nodded at her and walked out.

He cracked his neck as he walked to his quarters. There was a tender spot on his ribcage where he must have been hit and he wondered if his ribs were cracked. His mind was already racing with planning their next step. He found Ashley in the mess trying to look like she hadn't been waiting for him to pass by. But he suspected she had been. He walked up to her.

"Pretty heavy stuff," she said.

"Yeah," he said. "Didn't really go the way I'd hoped, but at least we have something to go on now."

"Yeah. Even if the Mu Relay leads to dozens of systems it still a start." Ash looked at him and must have noticed him wince at his rib cage. "You okay?" she asked.

"Yeah. Yeah it's nothing. Just caught a round I think."

Ash smiled ever so slightly. "Should have taken me with you," she joked.

He chuckled. "That'll teach me."

"So… how is she? Dr. T'soni. I mean losing her mom and all." Ash was genuinely sympathetic.

"She'll be all right. She's tougher than she looks."

Ashley nodded. He could tell she was going to say something else before she did. The air in the room had changed. Their conversations, while professional on the surface, sometimes had a more intimate undertone. It was clear to him that Ash was indeed a little threatened by the presence of Liara. Maybe threatened wasn't the word. Maybe curious was better. She was clearly dying to figure out what Shepard's thoughts on Liara were. She finally spoke.

"Well its good she has someone to talk to. I mean...you know."

Shepard smiled. Ashley was practically squirming. For all her quick, biting wit, self confidence and great looks, in that moment Shepard saw Ash a little insecure and awkward. She was full of surprises. After a second, he gave her a reprieve.

"She's not really my type if that's what you mean." He said simply, knowing she would catch his meaning, not caring that it was probably not appropriate. His eyes met Ash's.

She laughed. "Yeah I guess that wasn't very subtle, was it?" She cleared her throat and looked down.

"You blushing, Williams?" he teased.

She scoffed. They both chuckled. And then Shepard shook his head. "I'm more into the adventurous type anyway," he said, bringing a smirk to her face.

"Well that was even less subtle, Skipper." Ash's voice was soft, her eyes steady on his. Shepard could pin point it, the exact moment when he knew none of their further interactions would be the same. They had just turned a corner, one he was sure they were both aware of. Things were going to get complicated. Of that he was suddenly very certain.

She finally pulled her gaze from him. "You need a shower," she laughed. "You look like hell." She walked away then, leaving him to look after her. After a moment he turned and walked to his quarters. He glanced in his bathroom mirror. He did look like hell. His stubble was too long and his eyes had bags under them. If Ash was anything she was honest. Ash was a lot of things, he decided. Then he put it all out of his mind.

It was too much to hope, as he showered that he would be able to forget about the daunting tasks ahead of all of them. He knew he probably wouldn't sleep that night. His military brain was piecing together the puzzle, forming a plan of attack, calculating, plotting, simulating. He had a lot of work to do.


	12. Spinning the Wheels

**Chapter 12: Spinning the Wheels**

Private Winifred Stanson enjoyed her work on the SSV Normandy. "Freddie" as everyone called her was just fine being the housekeeper and not much else. She'd joined up when she was 18, like many kids she knew because she wanted to fly in a spaceship. She hadn't thought much about it past that. She'd done all right in basic training, even had a couple of small posts where she was required to be armed, but the marine life, as it turned out was not for her. It was all right, but she was no soldier and just didn't care about it the way most of the other Alliance Navy folks did. If it came down to it, she thought she would possibly be able to hold her own in a battle, but she dreaded it ever happening.

She'd started doing housekeeping work aboard starships a couple of years ago, when she'd turned twenty. She'd been rather domestic early on in her life, helping her mother and practically raising her younger sisters, so she'd adapted to it well. Her work was good. She enjoyed it. It was easy and she was still helping the Alliance, something that made her proud. People had no idea how important clean socks and underwear were to a marine's quality of life.

When the chance to work aboard the Normandy popped up, she'd jumped at it. It was, after all the fleet's finest, most technologically advanced starship. She'd been honored to be asked. She would be the only housekeeper there, which meant she didn't really have a boss, and the ship was small, holding a crew just shy of forty people. Actually, lately there had been…others on board as well. Not just humans. It made her a little nervous.

She folded a pair of clean boxers and shoved them back into the laundry bag of Jeff Moreau. The laundry room was tiny. To call it a room would be generous. It was more of a closet, with two small washers and two equally small dryers. She was pretty steadily doing the crew's laundry, usually nothing more than underwear and uniforms, the occasional civvy and some towels.

Not many people paid attention to Freddie. She got a lot of smiles, made the occasional small-talk, but for the most part she kind of kept to herself. Sometimes she found herself and Fitzer, one of the engineers gossiping, but it was a bad habit she was trying to break. That was hard. Not many people realized how observant a person could be when no one pays attention to them. She'd overheard plenty of conversations she was sure she wasn't supposed to, but she really kind of enjoyed that. It was kind of like watching her own private soap opera.

She had tried not to seem too afraid of the aliens on the ship. There was Garrus, a Turian who always seemed to be immersed in some kind of work. He hadn't even looked at her once and the only time she heard him speak was when he was speaking to the Commander. She'd overheard a bit of a conversation involving Krogan testicles and decided it wasn't a conversation she really needed to hear more of.

Dr. T'soni seemed sweet enough. Freddie had never really met an Asari and she had always heard they were kind of…affectionate, but Dr. T'soni actually seemed rather shy. Freddie got the feeling she and the Commander had something going on, though she didn't know what it was. All she knew was that he had spent some time with her and Asaris could be affectionate. That was it.

There was one day when Freddie had been in the garage, when she'd run across the Krogan. She thought his name was Wrex. She'd smiled at him and he did…something back. She wasn't sure if it had been a smile or a sneer or what, but he was sure staring. She'd finished up what she was doing a little quicker than usual and got out of there.

Fitzer had gotten a chance to work with the Quarian they had on board, Tali? Telly? She couldn't remember, but she was pretty sure Fitzer was in love. All he ever talked about was how brilliant she was and how he'd love to see what she looks like behind the mask. For a second, Freddie wondered too.

As for the human crew, Freddie was pretty familiar with most of them, at least enough to make chit chat. They all treated her well and called her by name, which was nice.

When she'd first met Joker, she'd thought he was being a jerk, but she soon warmed up to his acerbic wit and even found herself looking forward to working in the cockpit with him. She admitted she probably had a bit of a crush. He was cute. She liked his beard, and he could fly this ship, which was impressive.

Pressly was less likeable, older, and a little cantankerous. She tried to steer clear of him for the most part, and his bathroom was usually pretty gross. She wondered about all the empty whiskey bottles she had collected from his quarters and thrown out over the course of their few months here. The Normandy was supposed to be a dry ship, but that didn't stop anyone from drinking.

Just two nights ago several of the crew had been very drunk in the mess hall while the Commander was on Noveria. And though she didn't know who, someone had locked themselves in the laundry closet with…someone else and were clearly having sex when she'd tried the doorknob. She'd retreated quickly, red faced, hoping they hadn't heard her try to enter.

It was tough getting any sort of chit chat out of Lt. Alenko. He always seemed so serious and immersed in his work. Fitzer knew him better, said he could be fun sometimes, kind of a buzz kill others. He had nice brown eyes and seemed like he was a good man. He was a couple years older than the Commander she thought.

Chief Williams was the newest member of the crew besides the aliens. It wasn't that Freddie didn't like Williams. She was just kind of terrified of her. She seemed friendly enough, but she was brash and intimidating, the exact opposite of Freddie. Freddie didn't know how to handle that. Williams seemed like the type of soldier that could always have a smart comeback and never let anyone give her crap. Freddie kind of admired that about her. Freddie herself was timid and often like a deer in the headlights. She had barely managed a few affirmative meep noises when Williams had made small talk with her in the mess one day. It was embarrassing. Freddie had definitely heard scuttlebutt about Williams and Shepard, but she didn't know if any of it was true. She'd seen the way Williams looked at the Commander when she thought no one was watching. And she'd seen the way he looked at her when he thought no one was looking. But someone was almost always looking. And that someone just happened to always be Freddie.

Then there was the Commander. Freddie decided the best and most girly way to describe him was "really cute." He was incredibly handsome, with a look that said he'd seen a lot of bad things. Freddie had noticed a couple of scars on his face. He was tall, with piercing blue eyes. She got nervous around him. He rarely said more than "Hello, Private," "Thank you" or "Sorry about the blood stains" to her. He was always busy, but always courteous. He always seemed so cool under pressure. She made sure to clean his quarters quickly whenever he was on the ground for a mission. It was easy since he kept it very neat himself. She supposed it was probably just a habit born of his military upbringing.

Freddie took the two small finished bags of laundry down the crew quarters. She would lay them in front of their prospective owners' lockers. Since the Normandy was so small, the only space the crew had for their clothing and personal items was a small foot locker by their bunks and a small locker in the unisex bathroom. Freddie still wasn't used to showering and going to the bathroom in the same room as men, but it didn't bother her much. It's just the way it was.

She looked at the time. Some of the crew would be finishing up chow in the mess. Her stomach rumbled a little and she decided she'd join them, and then tidy up whatever got missed after. Maybe she could hear a few more interesting things.

* * *

Liara stepped out of the shower and wrapped the towel around herself. She was taking a break from researching the various species of life in the Serpent Nebula. She didn't really need to know, but it had been a nice distraction. Liara liked to distract herself with busy work, especially now. The last couple of nights she'd had nightmares. Her mother's face as the life left her was burned into her mind. Nothing seemed fair, she thought. Her eyes still felt puffy. She had been crying on and off, mostly keeping to her bunk and her console, only venturing out to eat and shower. She pulled on her clothes quickly. There was no one in the bathroom, and Liara had never been brought up to be self conscious about herself, but the fact remained she was a different species and felt uncomfortable with the thought of humans sizing her up. As she pulled her shirt over her head, she heard the door open. Chief Williams and Corporal Haines walked in. They were sweaty and wearing workout gear. Williams headed to the sink, Haines to one of the urinal stalls. They were in mid conversation.

"I just don't know why you would have done that in the first place," Williams said, clearly annoyed. She turned on the water in the sink and splashed some on her face.

"I was trying to fix it," Haines defended, his voice muffled by the stall door.

Williams re-did her ponytail, pushing some stray hairs back from her face and examining herself in the mirror. "If you have a problem with your side arm, just bring it to me. You've gone and messed it all up."

"Can you fix it?" Haines asked hopefully as he flushed and stepped out to the sink next to Williams.

Williams scoffed. "Of course I can fix it. Just don't do it again." She smacked him with a hand towel and he laughed. They both turned to see Liara sitting on one of the benches.

"Dr. Tsoni," Haines said. "How are you?"

Liara smiled. Haines was a friendly sort with a winning smile. "I'm well, Corporal. Thank you."

He nodded. "Good to see you out and about," he added as he started to walk off. "I'll see you both later." He smacked playfully at Williams' arm as he left.

"I'll have that fixed in an hour," Williams called after him. She then turned to Liara and there was a sudden awkward tension in the room. She gestured to Haines. "Guys are always messing with the weapons, making my job difficult."

Liara wasn't sure what to say. The tension between them was kind of ridiculous she thought. She sighed. "I will just say it," she began. "Have I done something to you, Chief Williams?"

Williams looked confused for a second, and then shook her head. "I'm not sure what you mean."

"Come now," Liara said, tiring of this. "We are both adults. You have made it abundantly clear that you do not like me. I wish to know why."

Williams thought for a moment, then took a deep breath. "All right," she said firmly and Liara suddenly regretting asking for what was about to follow. "Since you're asking...for no reason... Fine. I didn't trust you when you first came aboard. I admit that." She nodded.

"And now?" Liara asked, not excited for the response.

Williams crossed her arms over her bare stomach, just under her sports bra. "Look I'm sorry. I don't know you. I don't really know any of the non-humans – " she caught herself. "Non-Alliance aboard. And I'm not gonna just make nice for the sake of making nice. This isn't high school. We have a job and if I have to be the one person asking the bitch questions then so be it."

"So it's because I'm not human?" Liara was offended. She stood.

"No," Williams said firmly. "It's because you're not Alliance." She leaned casually on the sink. "Not to mention your mother was working for Saren."

Liara felt anger rise in her. "I am not my mother. And she is dead! And in the end she helped us."

Williams put her hand up defensively. "Look, Doctor I didn't come here to fight with you. Or to accuse you of anything, or to insult you. Or to even talk to you really. You asked. I told you."

Liara cooled off slightly, though she still had the urge to biotically toss Williams across the room just enough to bruise her. "You're honest. I will give you that," she said in a slightly annoyed tone.

"Yeah well they don't pay me for tact."

"Obviously." Liara said coldly.

There was another long moment of narrowed eye contact before Williams sighed and her shoulders relaxed. Here eyes grew softer and Liara noticed what a deep chocolate color they were. "Look...I am sorry... about your mom." She looked her in the eye and Liara could see that she meant it. "Truly I am."

Liara blinked, softening a bit herself. "...Thank you..."

Williams nodded then and walked off, leaving Liara alone in the bathroom. It was time to retreat back to the solitude of her bunk. She'd had enough interaction for one day.

* * *

"So we're up shit creek," Shepard said. Kaidan could tell how frustrated he was. Kaidan was frustrated too as they stared at the holos of the Council in the comm room. He stood in the background, arms crossed, taking in the conversation.

"For the moment, if you want to use that colorful term, yes." The Turian councilor said in a gruff voice.

The Asari intervened. "The Mu Relay has never been found. We have teams out gathering intel at this very moment and this information will be good for them to know, but..." She shook her head. "Without precise coordinates we are simply at a stand still until we get new information."

Kaidan watched as Shepard started to pace slightly. He sighed. "So what can I do? Sit on my damn hands while Saren is out there somewhere with the same useless information?"

"We will keep you informed of whatever we learn from our operatives, Shepard." The Turian councilor was terse.

"In the meantime," The asari continued. "We will just have to wait. I'm sorry, Commander." She disconnected rather abruptly without waiting for a response.

"Son of a bitch," Shepard cursed. He shook his head and looked at Kaidan. "I'm open to suggestions..."

"I wish I had one," Kaidan responded as he stood up straight. "But they're right. We're dead in the water right now."

"I don't accept that."

"The Mu Relay could be anywhere," Kaidan continued. "We need to know more."

Shepard groaned. "Now you're sounding like the Council."

"Sorry Shepard." Kaidan shrugged. "Look on the bright side. We know what Saren knows. He can't do anything either."

"Yeah unless someone drops the coordinates in his lap," Shepard grumbled.

There was a long silence. Kaidan wasn't sure what he could say to make the Commander feel better. Their hands were tied. It was frustrating. Finally he spoke.

"What about Admiral Hackett?" Kaidan asked.

"What about him?" Shepard asked.

"He had some things he wanted you to take care of if you got the chance right?"

Shepard thought for a minute then sighed with exasperation. "Yeah he did. Not sure what, but fuck me it's better than sitting on our asses right?"

"Yes sir it is." Kaidan laughed. "Least it'll keep us all from going stir crazy. Wrex won't put a hole in the hull."

Shepard smiled. "Shit, that guy. See his head? Like a god damned wrecking ball." They both chuckled. "All right I'll reach out to Hackett. I'll let you know what I come up with."

"All right. See you later." Kaidan left the comm room and headed for the med bay. His headache was only mild at the moment, but it had all the signs of becoming a full blown migraine. He wanted to take care of it quickly.

He entered the med bay and found Chakwas there. She smiled at him.

"Ah, hello Lieutenant," she greeted. "Another headache?"

He nodded. "Not a bad one, but it will be."

She motioned for him to move to one of the med bay tables. He leaned against it. It was a normal routine for them.

She spoke as she shined a small light in his eye, examining. "Dizziness or nausea?"

"Nope."

She moved her finger back and forth in front of him and he followed with his eyes unprompted. "Trouble sleeping?"

"Not lately."

Chakwas smiled and started to prepare the injection. "So how have things been otherwise?"

"Can't complain," Kaidan sighed. He was lying. He could complain. Just earlier today he'd gotten an email from his sister saying his mother was back in the hospital. It frustrated him that he couldn't do more to take care of her. And of course, his sister then launched into a tirade about his father. He'd stopped reading about halfway through, his mood soured.

He felt a pinch as Chakwas injected him with the medication. "There you go," She said. "All set."

The corner of his mouth turned up at her. "Don't I get a lollipop or something?"

She chuckled. "I'm afraid I just ran out, Lieutenant. You should get some rest and something to eat."

"Yep," he said as he pushed off from the table. "I know the drill. Thanks Doc." He walked out and headed for his bunk, knowing he wouldn't sleep.

* * *

"Sonofabitch!" Ash cursed. She threw Haine's pistol down onto the table. "Piece of crap..." She grumbled.

"You sound like I feel," Shepard said, his voice unmistakable behind her. She spun around, a slight gasp escaping her lips.

"Oh shit, Sir you scared me." She laughed, slightly embarrassed and turned to look at him. He looked tired.

"Sorry. I thought you heard me," he said, approaching her work bench.

She shrugged. "Nah I was concentrating."

Shepard nodded to the gun. "I thought there was nothing you couldn't fix, Williams."

She sneered at the weapon. "There isn't. I'll get it. I don't know what Haines did to it but it's practically junked. He doesn't even use it!" She smiled at him, and then her face fell. "You look pissed off."

Shepard took a deep breath and Ash wondered if she hadn't stepped over the line again. They'd been doing that more frequently lately and she made a note to watch how casually she spoke to him. But she was concerned. She knew when he was frustrated. He usually had an intense expression on his face and furrowed brow. He nodded. "Oh. Yeah. Well..." She watched him rub the back of his neck.

"Ah," Ash said. "I take it things with the Council didn't go so great?"

"You could say that." Shepard leaned on the table next to her, his arm nearly touching hers. She wished he wouldn't do that. Every time he did her body responded despite her best efforts to ignore it. This time was no different. There was an obvious tension between them lately that was starting to become awkward. It was the elephant in the room.

"What a bunch of assholes," Ash added quickly, focusing her attention elsewhere. "If they'd take their heads out of their asses for two seconds they could see that you're, you know...trying to save the world and stuff." She'd had it with the Council. They had been nothing but an inconvenience. They seemed to be more worried about appearances than actually helping.

Shepard chuckled slightly, the corner of his mouth turning up, somewhat sadly she thought. "No pressure right?"

Ash winced. "Sorry. How you holdin' up anyway?"

He shrugged. "I got broad shoulders." Their eyes met and she knew he could see the concern on her face. He ignored it and kept speaking. And she didn't push. "Anyway we're sitting on our asses for now. Nothing we can do. We're at the mercy of...luck...at this point."

Ash raised an eyebrow. "Yikes."

"Yeah. So I guess we have some downtime." He looked at her. The blue in his eyes was made even more blue by the light from her console. She glanced at what she had decided was her favorite scar of his, just next to his left eye. When she met his eyes again she noticed that he had clearly been looking at her lips. They were in dangerous territory. He was well within her personal space. When his eyes met hers again, she didn't pull away from his gaze.

"You know," she said quietly. She was feeling bold. Or frustrated. She couldn't decide which. "Since we'll have some free time, you promised to show me some moves on the sparring mat." He smiled, just a little.

He lowered the volume of his voice to a husky tone. "It's mostly holds, throws and pins." She was only mildly surprised at his willingness to return her blatant flirtation. She took a shaky breath, then decided she needed to snap out of it. She watched him obviously come to the same conclusion himself. He blinked and turned his gaze away. "Sorry," he said and backed off an inch or two. They could do this dance all day, she thought - but she was tired of it.

"Are you?" She asked quietly.

He looked at her again, then sighed. "No. I'm not," he admitted. He backed off a few inches from her, expanding the space between them so they could talk normally. "I guess it's pretty obvious I'm interested." Shepard was a very direct man. Ash appreciated that about him. It meant he could handle her being direct as well.

She smiled, then nodded. "It is now..." They both laughed softly for a second. "And I don't suppose I've done a bang up job of hiding my interest either."

"You're...a little tougher to gauge," he smiled and stood up straight. "So... what now, Chief?"

"That is...a very good question, Commander." She shrugged. "Our situation isn't exactly ideal." That was an understatement. The regs against fraternization were clear. Ash had never had a problem following them. Not until now.

"No it's not," he conceded. "I follow regs. And I know you do too..." His brow furrowed and he looked worried. "And I don't want you think this is familiar territory for me."

"No, sir," Ash confirmed quickly. "Don't worry, I didn't peg you as someone who regularly tried to seduce your subordinates." She smiled.

"Good," he said quickly. "Because I'm not. We have a job to do and that hasn't changed." She was glad they were on the same page.

"I agree, Shepard." Now it was her turn to be worried. "And I want to be clear that... I don't make a habit of jumping into bed with my superiors." She nodded. She wanted to make sure he knew she was serious.

"I know that, Ash." He smiled. She melted.

"Good." She took a deep breath. "So now that this is out in the open..."

Shepard shook his head. "Open to suggestions on how to proceed, Chief."

Ash smirked at him. "I thought you always had a plan, Skipper."

"I don't always have a plan." He said, his voice low. "Sometimes I have to improvise. Most of the time it works out...Sometimes it doesn't."

Ash nodded. "Gotcha," She laughed. "So do we just try to ignore it?"

Shepard laughed quietly. "I don't think that's a very realistic possibility."

She thought for a second. "Yeah," she answered simply.

"But," he said. "We have to make a point to work around it."

She grinned mischievously. "So you're saying no holds, throws or pins."

"Exactly." His voice held more than just a tinge of regret.

She chuckled. "I read, you Skipper. Loud and clear."

"Good."

"Good."

She allowed herself one more small indulgence in his eyes and then he smiled and turned to leave. "Where you goin now?" She asked after him.

He turned and let the corner of his mouth turn up as he walked. "Gonna go requisition myself a few cold showers."

She chuckled at he left, then let out a long, deep breath. "Me too..." she said to herself.


	13. Hell's Hounds

**Chapter 13: Hell's Hounds**

"That's the last of them," Ash said as the chucked the mangled combat drone into the middle of the pile with the others. Shepard watched her brush her hands off as she approached him and Kaidan. True to what he had said, Shepard had contacted Admiral Hackett regarding some assignments while they waited impatiently for new information about the Mu Relay.

Kaidan looked around the room. "Just doesn't seem like the Alliance," he said. "To be so careless with their VI program."

"You know it's times like these when I think living in the woods somewhere with no technology sounds pretty appealing," Ash cracked her neck as she spoke. Shepard glanced at her. Her hair had been mashed by her helmet and strands of it still stuck matted to her sweaty face. She smoothed back some of the frizz and Shepard wondered if they all looked that beat up. The air filtration systems had just come back online and during the fight it had been nearly as hot as Therum. Shepard suddenly needed a shower.

"They've got a hell of a mess to clean up here," He said as he peered down at the pile of combat drones they'd taken out. Bits of burnt twisted metal that used to be beneficial training tools, now relegated to junk. That would probably cost the Alliance a few creds to replace.

They were on Luna at one of the Alliance's training facilities. The VI program had gone rogue and was attacking anyone on sight. Hackett had asked that Shepard and his crew go in and neutralize the threat. Shepard had been happy to do so. It was better than twiddling his thumbs on the Normandy waiting for the Council to get their asses in gear. "Let's pack it up and let the Admiral know."

"Aye aye," Kaidan said. The three of them headed for the airlock, latched their helmets into place and stepped out the other side onto the gray, rocky surface of the moon. Shepard looked up as he walked slowly to the Mako, parked just a hundred paces from the door to the facility. Earth shone brightly in the sky above, made of green and blue swirls. Ash must have seen him looking.

"Been awhile since I've been there," she said, her voice tinny in her helmet.

Shepard glanced at her. "Oh yeah? When was that?"

"During basic. Wait, no. I went back a couple years ago to visit my grandmother during some leave. Huh. I'd forgotten about that." She furrowed her brow a little and Shepard silently wondered if there was a story there.

Kaidan opened the door to the Mako and gestured to Ash. "Ladies first, Chief." She smiled and climbed. Kaidan followed. When they were all situated and locked in, Kaidan in the driver's seat, Shepard spoke again over the hiss of the cabin depressurizing.

"Ever been there besides basic and that visit?" he asked.

Ash nodded. "Yep. Actually lived there a couple different times when my dad was getting moved around. Germany for a while and then later the Dominican Republic." She smiled. "But you've seen one cluster of base housing in the traverse you've seen them all."

Shepard nodded. "I hear that," he agreed. If he never saw another community of perfectly identical base housing units again, he wouldn't mind. He'd stayed in a few, but mainly he'd grown up on starships. Those dwellings were even more cramped and sterile. In theory it bothered him. In reality those types of places were an odd comfort to him.

Kaidan punched in a few commands on the dash. "Joker, Alenko you read?"

"I got you, Alenko," Joker's voice came through the comm.

"We're headed back. We took some damage from a turret on the right front wheel. Might be a long trip to get back to you."

"Copy that," Joker responded. "No worries. I'll lock on and swoop down right on top of you. See you in twenty seven seconds." The Normandy approached the planet's surface and Kaidan maneuvered the damaged Mako up the ramp, through the barrier and into the cargo bay.

"I like the return trip much more than the drop," Ash sighed.

Kaidan chuckled. "Got a weak stomach, Chief?"

"Only for certain types of food and certain types of people." She grinned. Shepard knew she'd been happy to get back out on ground missions. He still felt guilty about keeping her off the roster. Guilty and more than a little worried. He hadn't even noticed his preferential treatment of her. But she had. And she'd called him out on it. He smirked a little to himself at the thought. A lot of marines would be happy to have their CO looking out for them a little, but not Ash. Part of him even suspected she'd prefer it if he were harder on her than the rest of the crew.

The usual routine of getting situated back on the ship took place. The three of them simultaneously stripped their armors and put them in their lockers, then handed their weapons to Ash for maintenance. Shepard and Kaidan both made their way to the CIC, where Shepard set up a comm link to Hackett.

"Hackett," The seasoned Admiral greeted gruffly.

"Admiral, the situation on Luna has been taken care of. I'll have the official report to you in a few hours."

"Understood, Shepard. Well done. You've done a big favor for the Alliance today. I won't forget that."

"Thank you, sir."

"I'll expect your report. Hackett out." The comm chirped out and Shepard turned to Kaidan.

"Think we have any beer on board?" He asked with an exasperated exhale.

Kaidan chuckled. "Bored, Sir?"

"Not bored. Just frustrated." He made a face. "And I stink." He looked at Kaidan and made a face. "And you stink."

Kaidan shrugged and looked like he was going to say something, when Sheshi Tang's voice rang over the intercom.

"Commander I have an incoming message marked urgent" she said.

"Send it through," Shepard cracked his neck. He glanced at Kaidan as a message crackled to life.

"Commander this is Admiral Kohoku. You remember you found my marines in a trap on Edolus. I don't have much time. I found out who did it. A group called Cerberus. I can't say much more right now but I'm uploading some coordinates with this message. They're a nasty bunch, Shepard. You have to stop them. I know they know I got this information and I know they're after me now. So if you get this…Just go to the coordinates. These people have to be stopped, Shepard. I'll contact you again when I can but…I -" The message cut off in the middle of his sentence and nothing but static remained. Shepard looked at Kaidan. They stood for a moment until Kaidan spoke.

"Cerberus," he pondered. "Why do I recognize that name?"

Shepard was thinking. He'd heard it before too. It suddenly hit him. "If I'm not mistaken they used to be an Alliance black ops group but they splintered. Very humanity first."

"What like Terra Firma?"

Shepard shook his head. "No, more underground and militant I think. I heard the name mumbled in certain circles before, but it's all just been rumors of extreme methods and shady deals." He paused for a moment then spoke loudly. "Specialist Tang."

"Yes sir," Shesi's voice said again.

"Get me Hackett again."

Shepard relayed the message from Kohoku to Hackett. There was a long pause before he spoke. "This is serious, Shepard," he said. "Kohoku hasn't been heard from in a few days. I'll let you know if I find anything out. In the meantime I suggest you follow up on Kohoku's lead. I just hope you're not too late to extract him if he's there. If he's not at any of these coordinates I expect you to find out where he is."

"Understood, sir."

"Hackett out."

Shepard stood thinking for a moment. The reality was that the Admiral could be anywhere, but it was pretty clear to Shepard he'd met with some unfortunate trouble. The coordinates were as good a place as any to start. "Guess we're headed to Binthu" he voiced quietly, almost to himself.

"Yes sir." Kaidan nodded. "I'll tell Joker and get the ground team prepped. Should be there in less than a couple hours." He turned and walked out leaving Shepard leaning on the comm. console. He was lost in his thoughts for just a moment. Cerberus. He felt like he knew more than he could remember. He heard things and was trying to remember where he'd heard them. It wasn't a common name and wasn't a common conversation. That much he knew. He shook off the thought and headed for his quarters. At least he had time for a shower.

* * *

By the time they reached Binthu's orbit, Kaidan had a splitting headache. Frustrated, he'd already gone to Chakwas for an injection, but it wasn't helping. Here they were, probably twenty minutes away from going planetside and he was completely and utterly useless. He cursed as he lowered the lights near one of the bunks and lay down with his arm covering his eyes. He was dizzy. His head was pounding.

His comm chirped. "How's the head, Lieutenant?"

Kaidan considered lying to Shepard and saying that he was fine and fit for duty. It was a momentary temptation until his pragmatism took over. He wasn't about to jeopardize the lives of the away team with this. "Looks like I'm sitting this one out, Sir." He said simply. "Sorry," he added. He knew he couldn't help it, but he hated the rare occasion his migraines took him out of the fight. He felt unreliable. It was ironic, he thought that the L2 implant was supposed to make him more powerful and it sometimes ended up the opposite. He added, "I'll take care of the Luna report while you're gone and get it ready for your review."

"Copy that. Get some rest, Alenko." Shepard reassured. "Got plenty other folks chomping at the bit for some action."

"Aye aye sir." Kaidan tried not to sound too disappointed. The comm chirped out. He knew Shepard understood. And he knew Shepard valued him as a colleague and more lately, a friend. Still Kaidan couldn't help feeling like he'd disappointed the Commander. It was silly, but he couldn't shake it. Shepard was the kind of man people were proud to follow, the kind subordinates wanted to please, wanted approval from because they respected him. He sighed and turned the light down more, hoping he could get some sleep.

* * *

Wrex's whole body was tense. He'd been dying for a fight. They sat in the comm room and everyone was listening as Shepard went over the plan of attack. A holographic image of schematics was positioned in the middle of the room.

"There are three compounds," Shepard continued. "I wanna get in, hit 'em hard and get out, hopefully with Admiral Kohoku, though there's no indication that he's actually there. If he's not, maybe we can at least pick up the trail." Wrex appreciated Shepard's warrior posture as he spoke. When he'd first come aboard, Wrex didn't know whether or not he'd made a mistake. The worst thing that could have happened would have been that he'd found the Commander weak. Then he would have to kill him and get off his ship. He was glad it hadn't come to that. Shepard was all right. He listened to the man as he sat in the chair in the CIC that barely held his Krogan mass. "I want to be clear," Shepard went on. "We are not there to investigate and we are not there to negotiate. All targets are hostile so no hesitation people." He locked his hands behind his back as he addressed the group. "Thanks to Alliance intel we received not ten minutes ago, we've been able to confirm that Kohoku was at least on Binthu at one time through a tracking chip he had implanted a few years ago. The signal was weak when they found it and it's not active anymore. It could mean they've simply removed the chip, or it could mean something worse." He paused. "All we know for sure is that he was there against his will. Hopefully this will turn out to be a rescue mission." He paused and looked around the room. Okay let's get some bad guys." Wrex nodded to him silently as did the rest of them, save for Williams who added a "Yes sir."

"Good." Shepard said. The holo schematic closed. "I need all the firepower we have. The admiral's files gave a rough estimate of the number of hostiles. It shouldn't be too much of a problem but I'd rather not walk into something blind."

"We dropping in the Mako?" Garrus asked.

"Yeah," Shepard responded. "It's gonna be a tight fit."

Wrex chuckled at the image. "This should be good," he rumbled. He made his way to the cargo bay along with everyone else and the battle ritual began. Clicks and whirrs and snaps and hisses of various armors and helmets being latched into place. As he walked to the Mako, he couldn't help but sneer a smile to himself. It was gonna be like one of those old human vids where a bunch of colorful humans in ridiculous pants came clamoring out of a tiny vehicle. He remembered he'd found that vid amusing.

It was a tight fit. Somehow Wrex, Garrus, Liara, Ashley and Shepard all managed to fit in the small vehicle. There were more straps to buckle in than Wrex had originally thought. He really did think that someone was going to have to sit on his lap. That would have been funny, he told himself. He chuckled out loud.

Liara was practically disappearing between him and Garrus, wedged between them, squished against them. She looked up. "What is so funny?" He could only see her eyes in her helmet, the rest of her obscured by his shoulder and arm.

"Just this," Wrex said simply. The Quarian was in the driver's seat and Shepard and Williams had managed to share the passenger seat. Somehow he got the impression they didn't mind being so pressed against each other. He thought they would make good mates for each other. Both were strong, but who knew how fertile Williams was. It didn't matter. It was none of his business and human sex weirded him out anyway. The Mako landed with a hard thud.

"Sorry," the Quarian apologized in a meek voice.

"I thought you were getting better at this, Tali." Garrus said. He had smacked his helmet on the wall when they hit.

"She is getting better," Williams said backwards over her shoulder. "Hey you're just lucky I'm not driving."

* * *

Shepard could feel the adrenaline starting to rise. It was difficult for the group to be stealthy with a Krogan in the mix, but they were doing their damndest. They'd spotted one of the compounds the schematics pointed out and had made their way on foot through the valley. Tali had assured them that her scan had picked up minimal camera movement and she was able to track where it was oriented at any given time. There was a lot of hiding behind rocks, holding perfectly still until Tali gave the go ahead to advance another ten or twenty feet. No one spoke, responding only to Shepard's hand commands to move out or hold.

When the structure was close, Shepard signaled for everyone to take cover and hold. He spoke softly into the comm. "I see only one guard. Right out front."

"I don't see anyone else," Ash said. "Is that weird to anyone else?"

"This place is off the beaten path," Garrus said. "They probably wouldn't expect anyone to even find it."

"If it's not heavily guarded it could mean they don't know about Kohoku's transmission." Shepard nodded. This was good news. It meant they might not know they were coming. Shepard always did like the element of surprise. "Garrus do you have a clear shot?" He watched the lackadaisical guard pace back and forth about 200 yards away.

"Clear as a bell," Garrus affirmed.

"Take him out. Quietly." He locked eyes with Garrus for a second. Garrus nodded and got into position to fire. A few seconds later Shepard heard the near silent pop of Garrus' sniper rifle and watched as the guard fell dead. "Nice shot." Shepard said. "Tali?"

"Three seconds," Tali responded. "Two, one...we're good to move, Commander."

"All right double time it, let's go" he said as he mounted himself over the rock face. Nothing but the sound of their gear jostling was heard as they ran through the open area full speed toward the structure. Shepard knew that if they didn't hoof it, the camera would catch them and they would be caught. As they all got to the building and pressed themselves against the wall, Shepard looked to Tali, who nodded. They weren't seen. They'd planned on splitting up and hitting both entrances so with a single hand gesture, Shepard motioned for them to split off. Liara, Wrex and Garrus headed toward the back entrance and Shepard, Ash and Tali made for the one with the dead guard lying in front of it.

They moved smoothly and quietly, crouched down, weapons at the ready along the wall. At the door, Shepard pulled up his omni-tool. Tali had worked a hack that would put all cameras within twenty feet of the signal on a loop, thereby masking their presence. She had been disappointed that she wasn't able to simply scramble and loop all Cerberus cameras remotely. She'd apologized. Shepard had smiled. Her talent was rather remarkable and yet she seemed to think she could always do more. Shepard liked that about her.

When he was satisfied that the feed was looping he nodded for Tali to take point at the security panel at the door. Shepard and Ash guarded as the nimble quarian began to hack. In frustration, she cursed in her own language very quietly once or twice, but after a few seconds she looked to Shepard and nodded, then reached for the door panel and it slid open quietly. Shepard nodded at her as they quickly moved inside, closing the door behind them.

Cover wouldn't be a problem in the entrance way. There were crates and containers obscuring the doorway on the other side of the room and the hallway there. There was no one in the area. Shepard motioned for Ash to move up and take point. She did so, moving gracefully into position behind one of the crates. She poked her head out to look down the hallway, and then quickly returned to her hidden spot. She pointed to her eyes, and then held up two fingers, indicating that there were two hostiles. Shepard nodded and Ash poked her head around again. She put a hand up in a fist and after a moment motioned him forward. He slipped past her and took a position on the other side of the hallway as the hostiles' backs were turned.

Pulling out a tech grenade he almost smiled again. Almost. He didn't know what they would have done on this mission without Tali. The Normandy's techs and engineers were good, but she was amazing. They were lucky to have her. He flipped a switch on the small device and tossed it down the hallway toward the guards. He heard the plunk plunk of it bouncing on the floor and then he heard the guards.

"What the-" One started to say. Shepard heard them shifting and moving and then heard a quiet beep just before the sound of two bodies hitting the floor. Tali had created a proximity mine that overloaded anything within a few feet. The electrical surge through their suits was enough to put them out for a while, but probably not kill them.

When it was quiet for a few seconds, Shepard touched his comm. to send a silent message to Garrus. The message would pulse a light a few times, indicating they were inside and on the move. After a few seconds, Shepard received the same message from Garrus. They'd made it in as well. He'd been worried about Liara's tech skills, but she assured him she could hack a door, a task in which she had obviously succeeded.

They moved down the hallway, Shepard in the lead. There were no doors on either side of them, no other entrances but the room in front of them. There was also no cover. They moved briskly to get to the other end. Through the small window in the door, Shepard could see a room. As he peered through he saw a table with several guards, all playing cards. Their weapons were next to them, easily reachable, but they could be taken by surprise. Beyond them was another door, with a bright white light coming through the window. He remembered from the schematics that would be the lab. He also knew that to his right on the inside of the door was another hallway leading to the living quarters of the compound. He dropped his head back down and spoke softly to Ash and Tali, who had gotten close enough to hear.

"Four guards at the table shouldn't be a problem, but we're gonna make some noise so be prepared for a scuffle. Get in, take 'em out, get to cover and sit tight while we wait for the cavalry." He touched his comm. "Garrus, we're moving in. Gonna be some fire."

"I got you, Shepard. We're just on the other side of the living quarters. I'll wait for them to get spooked to do anything."

"Okay let's do it." Shepard held up his hand and counted down with his fingers. When he hit 1 he opened the door.

Taking out the four guards at the table was quick and easy. A short burst of fire from Shepard, Ash and Tali took them down clean as they reached for their weapons. They heard a burst of fire coming from the living quarters down the hallway. Shepard paused to listen as the last couple of shots rang out. The three of them took cover as footsteps coming down the hallway got closer. Shepard was relieved to see that it was Garrus, Wrex and Liara. He stood.

"Hostiles?" He asked.

"Neutralized," Garrus responded. "All that's left is whatever is through that door."

Shepard moved to the door as everyone got into position. Using his omnitool to unlock it they made their way into the bright, white sterile area quickly and efficiently. The room was empty of all hostiles, but Shepard's eyes widened at the site before him.

It was a lab, a large open room with several stations along the wall. A giant operating table with a bouquet of sterile, nightmarish looking surgical instruments sat in the middle of the room. They all moved through, weapons still drawn, taking in the sight.

"What do they do here?..." Liara asked quietly, her voice shaky. She was standing next to the table, looking at the instruments.

Ashley's voice held a hint of shakiness too. "Whatever it is, it's not pleasant."

"Let's hope the admiral didn't find himself on that table," Garrus added what everyone was thinking. Along the wall was a curtain. Shepard made his way to it to see what it hid.

"Tali, find a console and see what you can dig up," He called behind him. As he approached the curtain, weapon in one hand he drew it back quickly. The sight before him widened his eyes.

Ashley walked up next to him. "What…" she shook her head. "What the hell is this place?"

There, in the giant glass tank was a dead Rachni. It was hooked to tubes and wires and monitors. Half of its torso had been surgically removed, the gaping opening held open by forceps that revealed the inner organs.

"Dead Rachni?" Wrex boomed as he walked up. "That the hell would Cerberus want with Rachni?"

Shepard shook his head. He put his face closer to the glass to try to make out what the monitors were doing when a screech send him jumping backwards as a tentacle slammed against the inside of the glass. Everyone jumped back and pulled their weapons up. Shepard's heart pumped until he saw the thing fall limp again onto the table. It was clearly breathing and several tentacles still writhed, but Shepard suddenly felt a pain in his gut.

After meeting the Rachni queen on Noveria, it became clear to him that these creatures were sentient. He got closer to the tank again to look at it. It looked miserable. The horrors that Cerberus had inflicted on it were obvious. Shepard didn't know if this particular Rachni was like the ones they fought on Noveria. All he knew was it was suffering greatly.

"Why would someone do this?" Liara asked softly. "To be able to inflict such torture on any being…." She trailed off.

Wrex shifted. "Even I know to kill things quickly. Gutting it alive in order to study it is what crazy people do. Or scientists. Why didn't they just kill it and dissect it."

Shepard continued to stare at the creature. "It was more useful to them alive," he said. He snapped out of it and turned to Wrex. "Put it out of its misery." He turned to walk away from it, unable to look at it any longer.

"With pleasure, " Wrex said and cocked his shotgun.

Shepard walked passed Ash and exchanged a look with her. It was obvious she too was bothered by the condition of the creature. Ash certainly didn't lack compassion, even for a creature such as this.

The blast of Wrex's shotgun echoed through the room as Shepard moved to Tali at the console.

"There is a lot of encrypted data here, Shepard," she said, her fingers working quickly on the keyboard. "It looks like there was a failsafe but I was able to deactivate it…mostly."

"Mostly?"

"Yes. I should be able to salvage the data, but it will take some time. It's tricky. I don't want to damage any of it. I'm sorry Shepard. I wish I could just do it right now but this is very advanced."

Shepard nodded. "Do what you can. We'll bring the rest with us." He would be happy to get off of this rock.

The second structure was identical in its layout and the nearly identical in the number of guards they had to take down. Inside, they found another lab, this time with an already dead, vaguely human creature that looked similar to the ones the Thorian had enthralled. It too, had been hooked up to machines, but had since expired. Tali went to a similar console as in the first lab and began her download. It was deja-vu with minor differences.

"Still no Kohoku," Ash said, walking up. She looked as frustrated as Shepard felt. "I hope he's okay."

"Me too," Shepard responded. "If he's not at the last compound we're stuck until Tali can decrypt that data."

"We'll find him," Ash reassured. The tone of her voice suggested that he had betrayed his frustration a little more than he had wanted to. He didn't mind so much with Ash, but he straightened up anyway. He nodded and stepped away toward Tali.

They found Admiral Kohoku at the third compound, unceremoniously displayed on a surgical table. He was nude, uncovered with multiple incisions and needle punctures. His wrists and feet were bound by restraints and bruises marked them, suggesting that whatever they had done to him, some of it had been done while he was conscious and aware. No one spoke as Ash placed a white sheet over the man's body and face. They had failed. They hadn't gotten there in time.

Finally Shepard spoke simply. "Bag him up," he said. "Least we can do now is get him home to his family." He walked out of the room, needing a moment to quell his rage.

* * *

The shower was one of the places Ash did her thinking. She held her face under the pounding of the hot water and let the day wash away. The image of the Admiral flashed through her mind. She couldn't even imagine why Cerberus would want to do that to him. If he'd been such a threat they could have just killed him. Instead it looked like they'd just happened upon one of their new test subjects. She shuddered as she thought of the other "specimens." Ash wasn't a bleeding heart and she would have shot the hell out of those things in another circumstance. But the idea of suffering like that for God knew how long really bothered her. It would have been like Hell. She silently felt thankful that they'd been able to find that Rachni and ease it's pain.

Shepard was having a rough time. She wasn't sure why. Maybe it was the Admiral. Maybe it was the Rachni. Maybe it was the fact the Cerberus used to be part of the Alliance. Or something like that. Ash didn't really know how it worked. She figured she knew all she needed to know about Cerberus. Advancement of humanity was one thing – torture, mad science experiments and murder were another.

She would go see him later to see how he was doing. But she wanted to give him space. He'd had to make his report to Hackett and she knew he'd need to decompress. They were in a difficult place in their relationship with each other. Everything was in between since they'd been honest about their more than professional feelings. As his subordinate she wanted to respect his privacy. As his friend, she wanted to make sure he was all right, and as a woman who cared for him she wanted to comfort him. She decided a happy medium would be best. She'd give him the opportunity to vent if he needed to, but she wouldn't push it.

As she turned the water off and started drying off, a thought occurred to her. She did care for him. She wasn't sure she'd really fully admitted that yet. Aside from their sexual tension, Ash was having real, actual hearts and stars feelings for Shepard. She wasn't surprised, but it was an interesting head space to be in. She made a mental note to keep her cool and finished up and got dressed, thinking of ways to kill the time until Tali could decrypt the date they'd downloaded. She needed a drink.


	14. Demons

**Chapter 14: ****Demons  
**

His shower hadn't helped. Shepard felt as weary as ever as he sat staring at his console. He needed to make his report to Hackett, needed to get it down in writing but he couldn't bring himself to do it right then. He was still angry with himself for failing Admiral Kohoku, whose lifeless body sat in a refrigerated casket in their cargo hold as they sped back toward the Citadel. He knew Kohoku had a family. He didn't know what the Alliance would tell them.

Cerberus. He knew enough about them now, all he needed to.

He'd spent the last couple of hours in his quarters after giving the order to return to the Citadel. He supposed it was time he shook it all off and headed out to take care of some business. He stood from his desk, unable to write his report and headed toward the bridge, where he knew Tali and Wesson were attempting to decrypt the data they'd recovered on Binthu. On his way up, he received the usual greetings from his crew. He didn't see Ashley on his way. He figured she was probably in the garage. He was almost hoping to run into her if only just to get one of her reassuring smiles. He nearly chuckled at the sentimental sappiness of his thought, and as he stood in the elevator he thought about it for a moment.

He wasn't surprised to discover that his feelings for Ash had become very real. She was an amazing woman. That much he couldn't deny. He was surprised however to have realized it so suddenly, like a flash of clarity. For a moment he wished things were different. For a split second he wished all this was over so they could see where whatever it is they had could lead. He wondered if it could lead anywhere. He reminded himself that it didn't really matter for now. Things were the way they were and they wouldn't change anytime soon.

He exited the elevator, pushing those thoughts to the back of his mind. He approached Tali and Wesson who appeared to be arguing, and Alenko, who seemed to be stuck in the middle of it. Kaidan turned to him as he approached.

"Commander, I was just going to comm you." He said.

Shepard nodded and addressed the group. "How's progress?"

Wesson looked frustrated. "She wants to try an untested decryption technique that could wipe all the data clean if it doesn't work. We've already extracted a lot of information but there seems to be so much more and it's buried so deep none of our programs can hack it."

Tali interrupted. "It has been tested. I have used it before. It's a risk, but think of the possibilities of what we can discover!"

"And think of all the evidence and data and names and places that we might lose if it fails," Wesson countered.

"All right, enough," Shepard commanded boldly. "What exactly have you been able to find out so far?"

Tali shook her head. "Mostly names, some key words that have no meaning. They may be the names of facilities or different projects or code words. We just don't know. There is too much buried still."

Wesson nodded. "The big thing is the names. Ran them through every database I could get my hands on. Get this… they're all in the Alliance Military database."

Shepard raised an eyebrow. "Now that is interesting…"

Kaidan spoke. "Does it say what those names are in relation to?"

"Yes," Tali responded. "But the context of the names in the files is part of the still encrypted data."

Shepard nodded. "Let me get a list of those names. I'll contact Admiral Hackett and see if he can tell me why there is Alliance personnel in Cerberus files."

"Yes sir," Wesson confirmed. "We already have them on disk. There are at least twenty names that match, though there may be more once we've finished with the whole thing." She handed Shepard the disk.

He thought for a moment, and then looked at Tali. "Tali, you said you've used this program you mentioned before? How did it turn out?"

Tali shrugged. "It worked. But it's unconventional which is why I understand Specialist Wesson's hesitancy to use it."

Shepard looked at Wesson, who appeared to be holding her tongue until she was spoken to. "Wesson I'd like to try what Tali suggests."

She clearly disliked the decision but she nodded firmly anyway. "Aye aye, Commander. We'll get right on it."

"Good. And good work. Both of you."

"Thank you sir," Wesson said. Tali nodded and Shepard could swear she was smiling under her helmet. He turned and walked back toward the comm. room, motioning for Kaidan to follow.

"Why would Cerberus have names of Alliance personnel in their files?" Kaidan said thoughtfully.

"I don't know." He sighed as they entered. "None of this makes any sense. Let's get Hackett." The door closed behind them and as Shepard punched in the call a grim feeling came over him. Something told him he didn't want to know all the answers.

* * *

"Hey Shesh," Ash greeted as she headed into the mess. Sheshi turned to her with a mug of coffee in her hand.

"Hey Chiefy. What's happening?"

Ash smiled and got herself a mug of coffee. "Not much. Just finished the mods on those Kovalyovs and coming up for air and caffeine."

Sheshi rolled her eyes and smiled. "You and your guns. You need a boyfriend."

Ash wrinkled her nose. "What? It's not like I spend all my time down in the garage."

Sheshi laughed. "Pretty much. Though I can't judge. I'm sitting at my console studying alien languages when I'm off shift usually. Makes me feel like that woman from those old Earth vids. Uhuro or Uhura or something. Star Wars? I dunno. Anyway that's some rough stuff about the Admiral."

Ash sighed. "Yeah. That whole place was just…" she shuddered. "Creeped me out." She paused. "I don't really wanna talk about it actually."

"I got you." They both moved to the table and sat. "The Commander looked pretty pissed when he got back too. I got out of his way. He's an intense guy."

Ash nodded. "Yeah. He is. Keeps his cool though. I don't know how he does it." Ash thought and sipped her coffee. "You know, he's kind of everything you'd want in a CO. He's tough, but fair and compassionate and he knows how to get the job done. And he cares about us, the crew I mean. He's a good man."

Sheshi paused for a little longer than Ash would have liked and she feared she may have said too much. She was relieved when Sheshi spoke again. "Yeah he is. I see that. Guy's got list of commendations a mile long. And some serious presence in a room. Doesn't hurt that he's pretty good looking. He's like a roughed up golden boy. Could be the poster kid for the Alliance really."

"I suppose," Ash said. It was the best response without betraying her real thoughts about how attractive Shepard was.

"You two seem pretty friendly."

"What does that mean?" Ash said more quickly than she intended.

Sheshi seemed surprised. "I just meant that you two seem to get along. You work closely enough I'm just sayin'…that's good right?" She narrowed her eyes. "What did you think I meant?"

Ash's stomach fluttered. "Nothing. Just that. You're right. We get along. It's good. He's the kind of guy who makes you happy to follow his orders, if that makes sense. We're on the same page." She smiled. "Not sure the same thing can be said for Wrex but… Have you seen him, anyway?"

"Who Wrex? Not if I can help it? He's like a battering ram with a mouth." Sheshi looked around nervously.

Ash smiled. "Eh Wrex isn't that bad. Not gonna say he's the cuddly squishy type that's for sure. But he's damn good in action. So far he seems to be watching the Commander's back. And no I meant have you seen Shepard? I wanted to tell him about those mods."

"Last I saw he was headed to the CIC with Lt. Alenko. Something about the data you guys recovered on Binthu."

Ash was a little disappointed. She knew she'd missed her window to ask how he was doing. In a way she was a little relieved. She decided to just let sleeping dogs lie. "Thanks," she said to Sheshi. "I'm heading back downstairs. I got some emails to go through and respond to. Family stuff." She got up.

"Later," Sheshi said, her face still in her mug. Ash walked off, headed for the garage. She did spend quite a lot of time there. It was private and spacious and she had a nice comfy chair to sit at her console when she wasn't maintaining weapons. She found herself there a lot in her downtime, reading, checking email, watching news vids etc. When she wasn't there she was usually in the mess or one of the other social areas of the ship.

Ash was a social creature. All through her childhood she'd been forced to learn how to make friends quickly since they moved around a lot. The skill had been useful when she joined the marines, and helpful in turning her into a decent squad leader. Ash loved her brothers and sisters in arms. It was important to her to maintain friendships with them, especially the ones she worked closely with. The double edged sword of course was that the pain of losing those people was made even greater. She understood now the marines that stayed distant from the others. She wasn't sure which path was lonelier at this point.

She sat at her console and pulled up her email. She turned on some music as she read. She had some downtime before they got to the Citadel. She sighed as she scrolled through her inbox. "Delete. Delete. Delete. No, I don't need to make my erection last longer. Delete." She was amazed that an Alliance military address could even receive so much spam. It's not as if she ever gave it out. The only people who had her email address were anyone in the military who looked her up, her family and a few of her friends. She finally came across an email from her sister Abby and opened it. She smiled. Inside was a video of her three year old niece Maddy, grinning and singing a little song for the camera. She laughed. She'd needed that. She crafted a short and sweet response to Abby and hit send.

Family was important to Ash. They were her touchstone. When everything else was going to hell, she could at least know that they were all safe and happy and living a normal existence. She wondered what that was like. Ash thought of her sister Abby, married, a mother. She worked a normal job, had a nice steady routine, made dinner for her family and spent time with her husband and friends at cookouts and dinners and birthday parties and such. It wasn't the life that Ash had chosen, but sometimes she wondered what it was like.

She stifled another urge to find Shepard and talk to him. She knew it seemed silly, but she wanted to make sure she wasn't spending inappropriate amounts of time with him. She was fairly certain that both of them wouldn't mind spending the time, but that was the point. The more she could avoid distraction the better. She was making it a point to try to only seek him out for conversation when she actually had something work related to say. She wondered if he was doing the same. It was easier that way. Fewer friendly interactions just for the sake of spending time together left fewer opportunities to give in to temptation. There had been moments where they'd narrowly avoided that crucial moment just before going in for a kiss, that shift in energy, the point of no return. Close calls that she craved, yet hated.

She sighed and kept checking her messages.

* * *

Back on the Citadel, Shepard made his way to the Alliance officer's lounge. Anderson had sent him a message asking him to meet and speak with him at the request of Admiral Hackett. Shepard wasn't sure what was so urgent that he couldn't tell him over the comm, but he got that feeling again. A pit in his stomach that told him he didn't want to know. But he had to.

As he entered he found Anderson sitting at a corner table, nursing a scotch of some kind. He nodded at Shepard as he made his way over to him and sat.

"Shepard. Thank you for coming." Anderson's voice already sounded grim.

Shepard nodded. "You wanted to see me, sir?"

"Yes. You want a drink?"

"No thank you, Sir."

Anderson sipped his. "Hackett asked me to speak with you. He thought it would be better coming from me I suppose, though I'm not sure anything will make this easier." Shepard narrowed his eyes questioningly but continued listening without interruption. "Those files you recovered from Cerberus. The names of the Alliance personnel. That was a good grab. Several of the people on the list have already been detained for questioning about their involvement with Cerberus. But there were some… exceptions."

Shepard shook his head. "Sir?"

Anderson cleared his throat and looked Shepard in the eye. "There were eight names of former Alliance scientists on that list. Seven of those men are now dead."

Shepard leaned forward. "What happened to them?"

"The scientists all had two things in common: They were former Alliance… and according to the files they all worked on a top secret project on Akuze."

Shepard stiffened. He didn't know where Anderson was going with this, but he knew he wouldn't like it, and he knew this was the feeling in his gut, that empty sense of dread. He swallowed. "What secret project? When?"

"The dates match the time frame when your unit was taken out." That was a gentle way of putting it, Shepard thought. A more appropriate word would have been "slaughtered."

"What does this mean?" Shepard asked. "What were they doing there? What are you telling me? How does that connect to what happened to my men?"

Anderson sighed and shook his head. "I don't know, Shepard. All we know is that these scientists were involved in a project on Akuze during your operation there and that that all but one of these scientists is dead." Anderson leaned forward. "I'm telling you this because I thought you should know. And because I have a feeling there will be more to this. And I don't want there to be any surprises for you."

Shepard's gut wrenched as he swallowed his confused anger. He nodded at Anderson. "Thank you for telling me this Sir."

Anderson reclined in his chair again. "If I were you I would see what this last doctor, this Dr. Wayne has to say about this. I just hope you're not too late."

"How do I find him?" Shepard was back to business. His default switch had been turned, his unwillingness to let himself get distracted by personal feelings.

"Oddly enough he's retired. Has a place on Bekenstein. I'll send you the coordinates, but you'd better hurry. He may be our only viable lead regarding Cerberus."

Shepard nodded, and then switched topics. "I'm sorry about Admiral Kohoku, he said. "I know you were friends. I wish I could have saved him."

"You did everything you could, Shepard, but thank you." It was clear the Captain didn't want to discuss it. "Is there anything else you need from me while you're here?"

Shepard exhaled. He already knew the answer to his question before he spoke. "Have you heard anything from Udina regarding the Council? Any leads? I hate to admit it, Sir but our boots are stuck in the mud until they can figure something out."

"I know. And no I'm sorry. I've been pushing Udina but the man is so god damned stubborn I think he's stalling just to spite me. I know you're frustrated. And I know your hands are tied while we wait for more intel. In the meanwhile there are still jobs to be done. Understood?"

"Understood, Sir." Shepard sat back. "Here I thought I was a patient guy," he grumbled.

Anderson smiled at him. "You remind me a lot of myself when I was your age, Shepard. I'll push at Udina again, see if he can't nudge the Council. If he doesn't want to listen well…." He sipped his drink. "Well I'll make him listen."

Shepard smiled at the Captain. "I guess I'd better be going." He stood and saluted. "Good to see you, Sir."

Anderson saluted back casually while sitting. "Good hunting, Shepard."

Shepard headed back to the Normandy with what felt like a rock sitting in his stomach. He wasn't a superstitious guy and he didn't believe in fate. But he had to admit he felt like there were pieces of a puzzle falling into place just for him. He wasn't sure if he liked or hated the idea.

* * *

Ash cursed her own resolve even as she hit the call button on Shepard's door. Just a few hours ago she'd made it a point to avoid too much friendly contact with the Commander, but ten minutes ago she had said to hell with it and now stood outside his quarters. The door slid open and she walked in to find him standing just a few feet away.

He smiled at her. "Chief," he greeted.

"Hey, Skipper. Got a few minutes?" She watched his eyes move to the small bottle of booze she had at her side, then back to hers.

"Always. What's up?" He looked tired. Distracted. She hoped this wasn't a bad idea, but there was no turning back now.

She stepped forward. "Well, its Armistice Day," she began. "And its tradition…well, more like obligation in the Williams family to mark the day with a drink." She paused, and then smiled at him. "This looks really inappropriate doesn't it? I swear its not." He was just looking at her with a small amused expression on his face. "I just thought it might be nice to…have that drink with my CO is all." She nodded resolutely.

He stepped closer and took the bottle from her hands, examining it. He raised an eyebrow. "Peppermint schnapps?"

She snatched it back. "All the good booze is gone. This is all that was left." He was staring at her. She narrowed her eyes playfully. "You want a drink or not?"

He motioned for her to sit at the small table. "Right now? Yes." They both sat and Ash brought out two small shot glasses. "Doesn't anyone pay attention to regs about alcohol on the ship?" His voice was flat and dry, but held a familiar tinge of humor.

"Some regs are worth breaking," Ash said as she poured and handed him a glass. She only realized the meaning of her words after she said them. He didn't seem to notice.

"I suppose so," he agreed, picking up the glass. They clinked them together and took the shots, both making faces. "My god, Chief. That's horrible."

"I know," she managed, barely keeping from coughing. "Sorry."

He chuckled, but she could tell he wasn't in a very festive or necessarily good mood. "You mark the day because of your grandfather?" He asked.

"Yep. It's one of those things that I can't avoid even if I wanted to. But it's nice to actually share it with someone rather than taking a sad, pathetic shot on my own." She smiled. "Besides, you looked like you could use a drink."

He exhaled. "Today, yeah. Thank you." He met her eyes for a moment. "Glad you dropped by. Seemed an awful lot like you were avoiding me the last few days, Chief."

"I was not," she lied. "I wouldn't." She paused. "Okay," she admitted. "I wanted to see how you were… after Binthu but I didn't want to push. It's…hard to know where the line is right now…with us."

He nodded. "I know. I get it. It's all right. But I'm glad you're here now." They shared an affectionate look, before Shepard looked away. "And I'm okay. Really. I'm… I suppose you've heard where we're headed."

Ash had heard the talk, that they were headed to find Dr. Wayne, that he had been Alliance. That he was involved with Cerberus. That much was common knowledge. Scuttlebutt had said something about Wayne being on Akuze at the same time as Shepard. Ash thought hard about how to proceed. "I know what the crew has been saying. I'd rather hear it from you." She took a bold leap. "You really think this doctor has something to do with what happened on Akuze?"

Shepard shrugged and poured another shot for each of them. "I don't know the answers. I don't even know what questions to ask yet. But I don't like it." He took his shot. Ash followed. Both seemed to go down much easier than the first round. Shepard paused for a moment, idly messing with the empty glass on the table. "You know I can't even remember some of it." Shepard said.

"You mean what happened on Akuze," Ash said gently.

He nodded. "Yeah." His voice was steady and even as he sort of stared at nothing in front of him. "I mean I remember some of it. I remember being there, setting up camp. I remember thinking the planet was beautiful. Once they hit us, a lot of things just… I couldn't tell you how I survived or even got to the landing zone to get picked up." His eyes narrowed, thinking. "I'm remembering more lately for some reason. After the beacon. And then Liara did this…thing." He dismissed that thought. "Anyway it's one of those things I'd prefer to stay buried. Just seems like it's really damned determined to come to the surface."

In response, Ash filled their glasses again. She wished she was better at this sort of thing. If she had her way she'd be able to just grab him, hug him, and tell him everything would be all right. She wanted to tell him how special he was to the crew and to the world. And more than anything she wanted to make him know how special he was to her. But she couldn't. "Maybe you're meant to find some closure," was the best she could come up with.

Shepard smiled. "Meant to? You're not gonna tell me I'm destined to learn the truth are you?" He took his shot.

Ash shrugged. "Maybe. Who knows? Secrets don't stay buried forever, Shepard. Sometimes fate has a way of pushing them to the surface whether we like it or not."

"You read that on a tea bag?" Shepard asked flatly. His tone annoyed her, and her look must have conveyed it. She had never been good at hiding her true feelings on her face. Shepard looked apologetic. "Sorry. I…you're right. I'm sorry." He met her eyes. They were genuine. "I don't really believe in fate."

"Me neither actually," she sighed. She decided to change the topic. "So I'm sorry, you said Tsoni did some…thing…" She took her shot.

He seemed to think long and hard about how to proceed. "She joined our minds." Ash's eyebrow went up questioningly before she could stop it. He didn't notice, thankfully, but continued. "Trying to help me make sense of things. Like Shiala on Feros…sort of. It was…intense." Ash resisted with great difficulty the desperate urge to ask him to elaborate. She quickly poured two more shots and took one, swallowing her curiosity with the liquid. Shepard continued. "Anyway it doesn't matter. Akuze is in the past. Can't change any of it now." He took his shot, then his brow furrowed and he looked at her with some kind of realization. "You know I don't really talk about this. Ever." He smiled. "Thanks for listening."

She returned his smile. "Anytime, Skipper. You know even though I have a big mouth I'm actually a pretty good listener." She nodded. "No matter what my sisters say."

"How is your family?"

"They're good. No bad news. Everyone's healthy and happy. My youngest sister is freaking out about college or not college or traveling or not traveling or something." She sighed. "She's never been able to make up her mind."

"Well some people aren't as lucky as you, Chief. Weren't you born to be a marine?" The corner of his mouth turned up. It was her favorite one of his little smiles.

Ash laughed. "Yeah I guess I was. Ever since I was little my dad took me to the base, let me hang out with the guys off duty. My mom got so pissed because I came home with such a gutter mouth."

"It's amazing the colorful terms military types can come up with right?"

She chuckled. The schnapps was hitting her and there was a warm feeling in her stomach. She wasn't sure if it was the booze or the company. "There was this one guy, Sergeant Pimmons. He taught me fire my first shot. Kessler model pistol."

"And you fell in love." Shepard teased.

"Why does everyone think I have unnatural attachments to my weapons?" Ash laughed, remembering Sheshi's joke earlier about her needing a boyfriend.

"I wouldn't have it any other way, Ash. Someone's gotta keep us from backfires and over heats." He poured them both shots, which they both took immediately.

"Oh I see," Ash joked. "That's all I am to you? The gun maid?"

Shepard laughed. "No." Their eyes met again at his final words. "No you're much more than that."

After a moment, Ash couldn't stop herself. "You too," she admitted. There was that moment again, that moment just on the precipice as they looked at one another. That moment right on the edge of the knife that if left unchecked could be so bad. She broke eye contact and sighed. "I suppose I better get some rack time." She stood. "You should too."

"Yes ma'am," he said from his seat. "Thanks for the drink, Williams." She smiled and walked out, headed for her bunk.

* * *

"Wow," Garrus mused. "Guess working for Cerberus pays the big bucks."

They were on Bekenstein staring at Dr. Wayne's estate. It was private and beautiful and must have cost a fortune. Bekenstein was a beautiful planet, and apparently where many well off humans went to settle. Liara was amazed at the size of the home and also the fact that there didn't seem to be any security. They were being cautious, but generally speaking there was no reason they shouldn't just walk up to the door and ring the bell.

"All right," Shepard said. Liara looked at him. She couldn't quite place the look on his face. She thought he looked anxious. He glanced over at her and she smiled warmly at him. He returned it slightly, clearly distracted by the task at hand.

As the three of them headed toward the door, Garrus spoke again. "Are you sure we should just go in through the front door? What do we even know about this man?"

Shepard looked straight ahead, taking in the estate again with his blue eyes. "We don't know anything. And I don't just wanna to busting into some guy's house when I don't have a real reason other than his name."

"Yeah, but," Garrus protested. "Can't we at least throw a gas grenade in first or something?"

Liara looked at Garrus. "My goodness. Do you greet all people you visit that way, Garrus?"

"No I just," Garrus sighed. "Never mind." The front door was ajar. Shepard looked to Garrus. "See?" Garrus whispered. All three of them drew their pistols and Shepard slowly pushed the door open.

The inside of the house was quiet, a grand foyer of marble that looked strange with three armored, armed individuals walking into it. They moved slowly, their boots making very little sound on the floor. It was so quiet Liara wanted to call out the Dr.'s name, but she knew that could get them killed if the wrong company was there.

Shepard looked as though he was about to say something when a series of crashes and yelling came from down the hallway. Someone was clearly there, and clearly paying Dr. Wayne an unpleasant visit. All three of them snapped to attention, their pistols aimed toward the origin of the noises.

Muffled whimpers and cries of "Please!" and "Stop!" were heard from a shaky voice. They moved quickly and quietly toward the door that would lead them to the scene. At the doorway, Shepard counted down from three with his fingers and then they burst in, taking cover where they could. They had no way of knowing how many hostiles were inside, but Liara was happy to discover it was just one and his back was turned as his attention was on a man that was presumably Dr. Wayne.

"Drop it!" Shepard commanded the man as he turned slowly, pistol in hand. He was a pale man, his eyes sunken and his skin sallow. He looked as if he hadn't had a nutritious meal in years. Dr. Wayne lay on the floor in the rubble of a broken coffee table. His face was bruised and bloody and his hands stayed in a defensive position as he cowered. The man with the gun looked confused as he stared at Shepard. "I said drop it." Shepard said firmly, his pistol trained on him. The man squinted his eyes and took a step toward Shepard, causing Shepard to tense. "Drop it or I drop you," he said quickly.

"Lieutenant?" The man's gravely voice asked softly. "Is that you, Shepard?" Surprised, both Liara and Garrus' gaze whipped to Shepard, who seemed confused himself. The man chuckled. "My God. I thought you were dead, man. It's me. Toombs."

Liara looked to Shepard again and watched the color drain from his face as it fell with realization. He stared at the man, letting his pistol drop just a couple of inches. "Toombs?" He asked. "I thought you were dead." His voice was still steady, but Liara could see in his eyes how clearly disturbed he was by this development.

Toombs let out a bitter laugh as a tear fell from his watery eyes. "Don't I fucking wish that, Sir." His face contorted and then he yelled. "Don't I fucking wish!" He kicked Dr. Wayne in the ribs, causing Shepard, Liara and Garrus to tense again. Garrus moved to the doorway and glanced up and down the hallway to make sure Toombs was alone.

"Corporal" Shepard barked. "Back away. Let's talk about this." Shepard's voice was a mixture of things at the moment, Liara thought. There was firmness, but also compassion, mixed with a sense of dread. "Put the weapon down and we'll talk."

Toombs was fully crying now, but his weapon remained trained on the doctor, who Liara now feared they would never get to speak with. She didn't see this ending well. Toombs was shaking and clearly emotionally unstable. He tried to compose himself enough to talk.

"I can't believe you survived," Toombs said. "How? I didn't know anyone else did."

Shepard shook his head, his voice softening a little. "I don't know how. I don't know how I did." He paused. "What happened to you, soldier?"

Toombs turned his attention back to Wayne, who finally looked at Shepard. "Please!" he said. "You have to stop him!"

"Shut! Up!" Toombs yelled. He looked back to Shepard. "You wanna know, Lieutenant? You wanna know what fucking happened to me?"

Shepard nodded. "Yes! Tell me. What happened? Let's talk." Liara didn't know what kind of man Toombs was before this, but it was clear to her that he and Shepard had been friends. Shepard's tone of voice conveyed his concern for him.

"Cerberus happened," Toombs said calmly. "Cerberus happened to all of us, L.T." More tears fell from his eyes.

"What do you mean?" Shepard asked quietly. Liara knew he didn't want to know the answer.

"You think we just happened to set down directly on top of a thresher nest by bad fucking luck?" Toombs continued. He shook his head. "They planned it!" He winced and looked at Wayne again. "He planned it! It was an experiment!" Toombs yelled. His weapon tensed at Wayne again. Liara half expected Shepard to shoot Toombs in that moment and normally he might have. But she could feel him needing to know more. Toombs had been on Akuze. Liara's heart suddenly ached for the man. And it ached for Shepard. She finally noticed that her hands were shaking slightly.

"Please," Wayne whimpered.

"You shut up!" Toombs spat at him through clenched teeth, grabbed and pulled him to a kneeled position and pushed his gun violently against the back of the doctor's head. He winced. "You sadistic fuck!"

"Hey! Toombs!" Shepard's face had returned to normal. He held his weapon steady and then his voice was calm again. "Corporal," he said. "I need you to stand down. That's an order."

Tears filled Toombs' eyes and his face contorted as he fought tears. "I can't do that sir," he whimpered.

"We'll take him in, marine." Shepard's voice was commanding, the same voice he used to lead his squad. Toombs looked at him, his eyes red. Sweat poured off of him.

"Don't you know what they did?" he asked quietly.

"What did they do, Toombs? Tell me."

Toombs laughed a little. Liara watched as he took his weapon from the back of Wayne's head, but he still pointed it at him. "They used us, LT. You, me all of us. Every last motherfucker in that unit. They watched from a comfy chair on a hillside while we all got slaughtered!"

"I don't understand." Shepard's voice wavered slightly. He looked at the scientist, then back at Toombs. "What are you talking about?" he asked more forcefully.

"They wanted to see how the threshers hunted." Toombs laughed. He was losing it. "They wanted to see how we reacted." He swallowed, breathed hard. "It was a god damned science experiment to them!" He pushed his gun back to the head of Dr. Wayne. "Fifty good men. Fifty fucking good marines killed for god damned sport! Ask him! Go ahead! He was the one in charge! He knew! Ask him!" His voice cracked.

"Please!" Wayne yelled. "I'll tell you everything I know."

Liara watched as Shepard moved his aim to the scientist. Shepard's eyes were cold now. She didn't see when the transformation took place, but his icy glare gave her a chill. She glanced at Garrus, who glanced back at her. He had seen it too. He looked just as confused and nervous.

"Is what he's saying true?" Shepard asked quietly. "Tell me!"

Toombs cut in. "Tell them how you watched us all die like it was a fucking vid. Tell them how you watched us all get disintegrated alive by the venom and get half eaten while we were still screaming. Tell them how you wrote it all down in your little notes! Tell him about the experiments! The injections of the venom!" He was shaking, losing it again. "Tell them how you make monsters like me!" He screamed. "You should have killed me. You didn't think I'd escape did you?"

Wayne was practically crying now. "Yes," he said softly. "Yes it's true. All of it. It was part of a Cerberus project to engineer more efficient combatants. Please, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I've left that behind, I'm sorry. I was following orders!"

Shepard's jaw was clenched hard as he stared at the scientist. Toombs raised his weapon again.

"You had no choice?" Toombs screamed. "I didn't have a choice! We didn't have a choice!" He gestured to Shepard.

"Toombs!" Shepard boomed. "Back away. Back away now!" For a moment Liara felt relief. Shepard sounded professional again.

Toombs looked at Shepard, a pathetic look of desperation in his eyes. "I can't…I can't anymore. I just want the pain to stop. I'm sorry, sir" he whispered through hiccups. Then in an instant he raised his weapon to his chin.

"Hey!" Shepard barked, but it was too late. Toombs pulled the trigger and Liara watched wide-eyed as he fell lifeless to the floor. Her gaze turned to Shepard and the look in his eyes was a mixture of shock and anger. He turned his eyes to Dr. Wayne then and even Liara found herself terrified of the look on his face.

He stepped forward to the doctor quickly and kicked him hard across the face with a growl. Liara looked at Garrus. Garrus looked back at her, also clearly surprised.

In the next instant, Shepard picked the dazed, sobbing doctor off the floor by his collar like a rag doll and head butted him in the face. Wayne cried out and Shepard threw him back against the wall, pinning him there across the throat with his forearm. Liara gasped when she saw the barrel of Shepard's pistol pressed to the temple of the doctor.

"Shepard!" Garrus yelled.

Shepard hesitated, gritted his teeth, and trembled with undiluted rage. His face was red and his blue eyes bloodshot with rage. Liara was watching him lose control. He pushed the weapon harder into the man's skin. Wayne whimpered, closed his eyes.

"Shepard, no" Liara heard herself say quietly to him. She watched as he fought with himself, breathing heavily. After a few seconds he growled, shoved the doctor to the ground and stepped away, taking deep, heavy breaths. He doubled over for a second to breathe, then stood. He slowly gained control of himself again and hit his comm.

"Joker," he said, his voice still coarse and gruff.

"Yes sir," Joker responded.

"Get the nearest Alliance starship on the com. Tell them to come to our location to pick up a prisoner. I'll make my report later." He was still out of breath.

"Aye aye, Commander."

Shepard looked at Garrus. "Lock him up." He said. Then he turned his still angry eyes to Wayne. "Get him out of my sight."

"Yes...yes, Shepard." Even calm and cool Garrus seemed shaken by what he'd witnessed.

None of them said anything as they returned to the Normandy and as soon as they were back on board, Shepard hit his comm again.

"XO has the bridge." He said sharply.

"Copy that, commander," said Pressley's voice on the comm.

Liara watched as Shepard strode away with a blank expression on his face, presumably headed for his quarters. When he was gone, Liara slumped against the wall and breathed for what felt like the first time in years. She thought of what she'd seen, the memories of Akuze that had been transmitted to her from Shepard's mind from their earlier joining. She felt how he felt. She felt angry. She felt hate. She felt like she was losing control. She felt the bitter sting of the feeling of failing fifty comrades. Her stomach turned.

Shepard, normally the calm, detached, eye of the hurricane had become the storm itself, savage, unchecked and brutal. She wanted to speak with him. She needed to speak with him. He was in a terrible amount of pain and she knew she was the only one who could truly understand what he had been through. She couldn't have let him be alone, even if she'd wanted to. She took a few minutes to gather her courage, and then walked to Shepard's quarters. She stood at the door and reached for the call button.

"I wouldn't if I were you," came Kaidan's voice. She looked at him, standing near one of the consoles he'd been working on.

"I have to," she said.

He shrugged. "Oookay," He walked away then and Liara turned her attention back to door and hit the button. It chirped. After a long pause, she heard Shepard's voice.

"Come in," he said strongly.

Her belly fluttered with nerves and she entered. He was standing in the middle of the room, his armor removed and tossed to the floor. He looked completely normal except for his hand positioned slightly behind his back. Liara opened her mouth to speak and noticed the few drops of blood that had fallen behind him.

"You're hurt," she said and walked to him.

He sighed and shook his head as she took hold of his arm. "It's nothing," he lied. His knuckles were bleeding. "It's stupid. It's all right." He seemed embarrassed.

Liara looked at his face, met his eyes and then went to the bathroom for a towel. Right away she noticed the shattered mirror. She grabbed a hand towel and walked back out. He'd taken a seat on the edge of his bed, elbows on his knees. She sat next to him and handed him the towel.

"Thanks," he said and wrapped it around his hand. They sat quietly for a couple of moments.

"Shepard," Liara said. She was about to tell him that if he needed to talk, she was there, when he just started talking.

"I failed him," he said, staring straight ahead. "I failed all of them."

"No, Shepard. Because of you, Dr. Wayne will be punished."

He looked into her eyes. "Not enough," he said quietly.

Liara touched Shepard's forearm and rested her hand there. It was strong and warm. The physical contact to him both strange and familiar. He looked at her hand. "Vengeance is not who you are, Shepard." He met her eyes again. They were finally calm, so she felt confident to continue. "It sounds strange, but...I know how you feel. I feel it."

He took a breath. "Is that from when we joined minds?"

She nodded. "All of our feelings, emotions, past memories, everything was transferred in some way. And that includes your memories and feelings of Akuze." His eyes were suddenly very sympathetic towards her. He shook his head. "I know what you experienced. I saw it in your mind. I felt it. It was truly a nightmare and I hate that you went through it." She felt her eyes moisten.

"I'm sorry you had to feel that," he said quietly. His uninjured hand rested on top of hers on his arm now. It was warm. He squeezed gently. "Liara I'm so sorry." She was a little surprised at the turn around, his sudden concern for her.

"If I can help you... by sharing this...," she said. She hoped it didn't sound too strange. "If you need to talk. Just know that I understand."

He broke eye contact then and nodded. "I know," he said, looking down.

They sat for another minute or so until Liara felt the silence getting heavy. "You should see Dr. Chakwas," she said and she stood. She moved towards the door.

"Liara," She heard Shepard say. She turned. The corner of his mouth was turned up in a small smile. "Thank you."

She smiled back at him and walked out. She headed to her favorite quiet spot on the ship, sat down and thought of Shepard. She couldn't deny that there was a connection between them. She knew neither of them would be able to deny it after today. She couldn't think about that now though. For now, she thought of Akuze and started to cry very softly.


	15. The Problem with Angst

**Chapter 15:**** The Problem with Angst**

It was happening over and over. Flashing, raging, violent. The smell of sulfur and burnt flesh. Stumbling, he thought he'd tripped over a rock. It was Lewiston, or what was left of him. Screeching, howling, rumbling in his chest. Screaming. Ripping his mind apart. The slow motion blur of firing, the momentary satisfaction of hitting, and then flying. Slammed into rocks, vision blurred, broken bones. The last desperate crawl toward Vesner, choking on his own blood. Grenade flash, the heat of shrapnel, then darkness. Everything repeats. Over and over it happens, assaulting, violating, cutting deep. And then quiet. Hollow, heavy filled his lungs as he stood on the hill watching the others, watching them die. He turned, saw her, big blue eyes leaking tears as they bore a hole in him, accusing him, marking his failure. He blinked and was suddenly so close to her, her eyes now a black abyss he was pulled into.

Shepard's eyes shot open as every muscle tensed. He gasped, eyes darting around what he eventually recognized as his cabin on the Normandy. The hum of the engine entered his ears, replacing screams, and the fresh air of his room drove away the smell of burning. He relaxed back with a few deep breaths, his heart still pounding. Another nightmare. They were starting to piss him off. Flashes of Akuze, sounds, smells, images. It was the same over and over, but never in sequence. Just a puzzle of long buried memories hastily imprinted on his brain as they all fought for their lives. Liara, he remembered. She was there this time. That was new. The pain on her face had been immeasurable, the hurt in her eyes inconsolable. It had gutted him in the nightmare. It was gutting him now. He sat up and put his bare feet on the floor, resting his elbows on his knees. His entire bare torso was soaked with sweat. He ran a hand over his face and his close cropped hair and sighed. His heavy eyes found the blue screen of his console. It was 0300 and there was no way he was getting back to sleep. In the last three days since he'd seen Toombs he had gotten only a couple real hours of sleep. It was beginning to show. He shook his head, determined to shake off the sleepiness, the exhaustion, the guilt.

He hadn't felt this guilt in a long time. It was irrational guilt, born of his own constant need to win. Failure had never been an option, but he had failed on Akuze. As he stood and headed to the bathroom, he thought of the Council's readiness to make him a SpecTRe. Bitterly he wondered what it was based on. Surely his own miraculous survival on Akuze hadn't been their only consideration. No, he told himself. He'd worked hard. He'd done good. He deserved it. Or maybe he didn't. All eyes were on him and the fate of humanity's position in the galaxy rested on his performance. It was a responsibility he'd never wanted. Things were complicated in his head, and John didn't like being a complex man.

Part of the mirror remained in the bathroom from when he'd smashed it with his fist. The other half had been covered by Private Stanson with a sheet of sealant so none of the remaining jagged edges would fall off. She'd cleaned up after him, cleaned the blood off of the sink and counter. He didn't know when she'd come in to do it, but he wished she hadn't. He had felt embarrassed at his loss of control. It had been his mess and he felt like he should have cleaned it. It was all his mess. Everything.

"Come on, John," he scolded to himself as he stared his own face down in the mirror. He needed to get it together. He didn't have time to angst over his past demons. It was stupid. He'd dealt with it long ago, or at least he thought he had. For years, not a single issue. And now this, just when he needed to be his most efficient. He shook his head, disappointed in himself and silently made a promise to get his shit together.

* * *

The bag was taking a serious beating. Ash's knuckles hurt, even through the tape and gloves. She ducked and weaved away from nothing as she delivered a couple more good hits. She was frustrated for a lot of reasons right now, some of them petty. At least she could admit that.

Garrus had filled her in on what had happened with Toombs and Dr. Wayne. He didn't seem like the type to lose it. But a soldier's scars ran deep, and Ash knew that Shepard was only human. She just had to remind herself sometimes. When he was around he made the crew feel almost untouchable. Shepard had been, at certain rare moments for her, almost invincible. Him losing his cool hadn't been something she'd anticipated.

She'd tried to see him just after he got back, but as she was walking to his quarters, Kaidan called her name and waved her over to him. Tsoni had apparently beaten her to it. It was such a stupid thing to be annoyed with, but Ash couldn't help it. She was feeling territorial and that was a bad sign. Part of her frustration came from the questionable state of her relationship with Shepard. They were close in a way, but nothing was certain. Ash had no real claim to him. She was stuck. She was lost. She didn't know what the right thing to do was.

She landed a kick on the bag.

And then there was that whole mind joining thing Shepard did with Tsoni. Ash didn't know what it was, or what it was like. She didn't care. She admitted to herself that she was just being jealous, it bothered her. It got her thinking. It got her wondering. It got her doubting. She tried to shake it off.

In the last couple days, Shepard had barely left his quarters. He'd churned out about a million reports and been a paperwork machine. She knew the signs of avoidance. And she understood. Shepard didn't have the luxury of dealing with personal demons right now. Throwing himself into mundane tasks was a simple, effective way of shutting it all out. But in the process he had shut her out as well. They'd had a couple of short interactions in the mess or the CIC, but he'd seemed distant and all business. The most they'd interacted on a personal level was when she asked how his hand was. She'd wanted to at least say she was sorry about Toombs, but there were too many people around and she felt like she sucked at that kind of thing anyway.

She elbowed the bag with a frustrated grunt.

She'd made a decision to give him his space. It would be good for her too. Obviously she was distracted by her feelings for him. She needed to take a step back and focus on the job. He could come to her if he needed to. She wondered if he would. She tried not to hope that he would. With labored breath, Ash finished up on the bag with a combination of moves that would have taken a Krogan down, and then she relaxed, her muscles shaky and exhausted. It was time to shower and get back to work.

* * *

Liara glanced at Shepard's scabbed knuckles as he spoke. They looked like they were healing well. She was glad nothing was broken. He sat as he spoke, engaging everyone's eye contact, every bit the Commander. They were on their way to Sharjila on a diplomatic assignment.

An asari named Nassana Dantius had contacted Shepard in regards to her missing sister. She had apparently gone through the wrong channels and gotten herself into some trouble. She's broken some rules and now her position of power was in jeopardy. Her sister was now being held for ransom, which she had already paid. The Normandy crew were now unofficially on a rescue mission. Liara wondered if the Council knew about it. Shepard said Dantius had wanted to keep it quiet.

Silently, Liara wondered what kind of people would be coming out of the woodwork, asking for a new SpecTRe's help. He wasn't exactly restricted by the Alliance in these matters and she knew the Council preferred to be left in the dark about some things. His job was clear – maintain galactic stability wherever he could. And that was what he was doing. Her thoughts were interrupted by Shepard's voice.

"Liara. Williams. You're both with me." Shepard's eyes met hers for a moment and they lingered for just a second. She saw something in them, something else, something not related to the mission and it troubled her. When he looked away again in that split second he continued. "I'd like to keep this as clean as possible. If we don't have to fight I won't. We're not there to take out a bad guy. We're there to get Dahlia Dantius out safely. That's the only objective. We can deal with anything else later through official channels, understood?"

"Yes sir," Williams said firmly.

Liara added a "Yes, Shepard."

He dismissed them all and Shepard, Williams and Liara made their way to the elevator. As the doors closed and the elevator descended there was a heavy silence, and Liara wondered why the elevator was so slow. She was sure she was being silly by perceiving tension in the silence. Nevertheless she felt the urge to break it.

"I understand a lot of human women are on the front lines of combat." She said. Williams looked at her, seeming to expect her to continue. "I did not know it was so common for a dual gendered society."

"Oh," Williams said. "It's becoming more common. Took awhile for people to realize ladies could handle assault rifles."

"I was lucky enough to avoid the confines of gender discrimination." Liara inwardly winced. She hadn't meant for that to sound snobbish and yet she got the feeling nothing she could say would sound anything but to the gunnery chief. Thankfully she didn't sound annoyed with her response.

"Adversity means hard work," Williams said firmly. "Having it easy makes you soft." Liara wasn't sure if Williams had been implying something with her comment. She decided she wasn't. Liara got the impression that if Ashley Williams had meant to say something, she would just say it. At least she was direct, Liara decided.

The doors opened and Shepard glanced back and spoke as he stepped out. "I wouldn't call either one of you soft." He said simply. He seemed oblivious to Liara's awkwardness, which she was thankful for. The banter was over now that they were free of the confines of the elevator.

After suiting up and making the drop in the Mako, the three of them came across the compound where Dahlia was supposedly being held. They carefully approached the entrance, weapons in their holsters. Liara knew Shepard was hoping for a peaceful solution, but it made her nervous not having her pistol out. She glanced at Williams, who seemed just as tense, her brown eyes scanning their surroundings as Shepard hit the call button.

"State your business," said a female voice on the other end.

"Commander Shepard, Alliance Navy. I'm here to negotiate for the release of Dahlia Dantius." Shepard's voice was perfect for command. It was strong and could cut through a room. Whenever Liara heard it, her whole presence snapped to attention eagerly awaiting his orders. She'd never known anyone who commanded as much focus before.

There was a very long pause on the other end. It was too long. Liara knew it. She glanced at Shepard. He knew it. She glanced at Williams, whose eyebrow was raised. She seemed suspicious as well. Finally the same female voice spoke. "Interesting," it said simply. "You can enter. I'd like to hear more about this." The lock on the door turned green with a hiss and a clank.

Shepard turned to them. "Something's not right. Stay alert." Both women nodded to him as they entered. Through a short hallway and a storage room full of crates, there was another open entrance. Liara's instincts made her have to force her feet forward. Shepard seemed so confident walking through the door.

They entered a much larger room with many storage crates. For a second Liara wondered what was in them. Her money was on illegal weapons or drugs. An asari stood in front of them, flanked by two armed guards. Liara looked around. She wondered how many guards she simply couldn't see at the moment.

"Commander Shepard," said the asari. "Before we talk about anything I would like to know who hired you."

"I was hired by Nassana Dantius to negotiate the release of her sister. If she's here, we'll take her and leave. No trouble."

The asari narrowed her eyes. "Trouble is unavoidable, Commander. The first mistake you made was trusting my sister. The second was coming here for me."

Liara's eyes widened slightly as Shepard spoke flatly again. "Dahlia. I take it you're not in need of a rescue then..."

"Far from it," she responded. "But thank you for the concern. Unfortunately Nassana's blatant use of you has put you in the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm afraid I can't let you leave here." She pulled her weapon. "Kill them," she ordered.

Before Liara had time to process what was happening, Shepard was pushing her behind a crate. She took her cover, Shepard next to her and saw that Williams had scrambled in the other direction and was now behind a similar crate, weapon drawn. Liara drew her pistol.

"That worked out well," Shepard said quietly. He peered around the corner of the crate but jumped back when a burst of assault rifle fire came at him. Liara heard another burst from Williams and then the grunt and fall a woman, most likely Dahlia.

The rest of the gunfight was long and slow. Everyone was in cover and no one was hitting anything. Finally Shepard gave the signal to fall back. They weren't going to win this. The enemy was too entrenched and familiar with the surroundings.

As Williams and Shepard laid down suppressing fire, Liara bolted to the doorway, taking cover and laying down some fire of her own. "Go," she heard Shepard say to Williams, who then scrambled back to Liara's position, resuming her own fire. It was the cue for Shepard to fall back as well.

When all three were safely through the door and headed for the exit, another entrance opened up and a guard appeared as if from nowhere behind Williams.

"Williams!" Liara gasped, but it was too late. The man grabbed her from behind, placing her in a firm hold. Williams struggled, but the man had gotten the drop on her. Before thinking Liara fired several rounds at the man. She knew she'd hit Williams' shields, but one of the rounds also caught the man in the side, sending him to the floor with Williams, who grunted in pain, no doubt at the stray shot that hit her.

"Gas!" Shepard yelled. Liara's heart caught in her throat. She hadn't noticed that one of her rounds had hit a pipe behind Williams. She watched as Williams realized what was happening and scrambled to her feet. She was too slow to avoid the giant fireball that erupted from the pipe, sending her flying and slamming into another crate. She was right in the line of fire again. This could not have played out any worse. Liara started firing back, taking out two or three guards as Shepard ran to Williams, dragging her up and away from the line of fire.

By this point the firefight was in full swing. Guards were funneling through the doorway as Shepard and Liara took them out as they ran toward them. Lump in her throat, Liara glanced at Williams who was grimacing in pain as she stood to resume her fire. At least she was all right, Liara thought. Though she didn't look happy. Eventually the fire stopped. They all sat quietly, waiting to hear more movement.

"Stay put," Shepard ordered as he stepped through the doorway. He returned after a moment. "We're clear," he said. He moved quickly to Williams, who groaned and slumped down to the floor, holding her side. Shepard removed her helmet and touched her face. It looked slightly burned. She winced and pushed his hand away. He looked up at Liara. "Have a look around. See what they're dealing in maybe."

Liara nodded and slowly moved off toward the door. She glanced back again at Williams, still holding her side while Shepard checked her out. Liara took her time looking around. As she'd expected, there were crates of weapons and explosives, most of them illegal or smuggled. She found a data port and sighed as she pulled up the files and transferred them to her omni-tool. Shepard appeared behind her.

"What do we have?" He asked.

She turned. "How is Williams?" she asked quickly.

"Fine," he said simply. "I wanna get her back though, get her checked out. Let's go."

Liara nodded and headed back out. Williams was already in the Mako. She didn't look happy. The short trip back to the ship was the heaviest silence Liara had ever felt.

* * *

As soon as the Mako rolled inside the ship, Ash practically broke the door off the jam as she kicked it open and hopped out. Liara followed, clearly about to address Ash. Shepard wished she wouldn't.

Shepard climbed out of the Mako, heading for the lockers. He watched as Ash chucked her helmet to the ground and began angrily removing her armor. Liara approached.

"Williams," She said. It was all she got out before Ash turned to her, her face angry.

"Don't," she said harshly. "I don't wanna hear you're sorry. I don't give a shit. You nearly killed me in there, Tsoni!"

Now Liara seemed angry. "I saved your life!" She said, her small voice louder than normal. "You would be dead if it weren't for me!"

"Yeah thanks for shooting me in the god damned ribs and burning my ass up in an explosion. That was real helpful!"

"You're shields were up!"

Shepard would let them have it out for another moment. It was true, Liara had been jumpy and reactive. She'd made a mistake, but she'd also saved Ash's life. Letting them yell it out was probably what they needed.

Ash threw down her arm plates. "And what if they weren't up?" She argued. "What then?"

Liara crossed her arms. "If they weren't up then you wouldn't have been doing your job properly."

Ash's finger went up in Liara's face. Shepard tensed. "Don't try to tell me how to do my job! At least I can handle myself in a fight. I don't know why Shepard even lets you off the damn ship!"

Liara's face reddened into an angry violet. "I was just trying to help! There is no need for a hostile reaction!"

Ash stepped toward Liara furiously, causing Shepard to step forward. He honestly couldn't tell if she was going to hit her or not. "Doctor!" She yelled. "If you don't shut up I'll show you my 'hostile reaction!'"

"That's enough!" Shepard boomed, finally stepping in between them. It was time for them to calm down. "Both of you!" They turned to him. Ash's face was still angry. Liara's seemed somewhat hurt. He could see that her eyes were slightly moist.

"She's not a soldier, Commander. She shouldn't be out on ops!" Ash was still yelling.

"I have been in more fights than you have in your life!" Liara's voiced seemed choked.

"What as an archeologist? Yeah I bet." Ash's tone was very hurtful and he could see that it hit Liara hard.

"I said enough!" Shepard yelled again. He turned to Ash. "Williams I decide who goes out on ops and who's capable, do you understand?"

"But sir, I -"

"Do you understand?"

"Yes sir, I -"

He cut her off again. "You're dismissed, Chief."

There was a pause before Ash spoke again. "Sir, permission to speak freely-"

"You've done enough of that." He snapped. "I said dismissed." He locked eyes with her and watched her angrily swallow her next words.

Finally, she blinked. "Yes, sir." She said with quiet annoyance and stalked off toward the elevator. He knew he'd stung her with his words and he wasn't sure why he'd been so harsh, but her attack on Liara had made him angry. Admittedly his fuse was short at the moment. He was tired. He didn't have time to referee infighting with his crew.

He turned to Liara. She looked wounded, tired. He knew he technically should be angry with her. She had messed up, she had put the squad in danger. She had put Ashley in danger. He knew he should be just as angry, but he couldn't be. His brain was a jumble at the moment.

"Thank you," Liara said quietly.

He shook his head and sighed. "Just... we'll talk later," he said and walked away, headed for his cabin. He needed to think.

After a shower and some rifling through his brain, he figured out why he'd been so defensive of Liara. His dream. Their joining. He still felt guilty for exposing her to the horrors of his memories. Irrational as it was, Shepard's instinct in light of it was to protect her. He didn't want to see her hurt, even though Ash had been right. He cursed as he realized he needed to apologize to Ashley, and he knew he needed to talk to Liara about her slip up.

He headed to Liara's bunk.

When he entered he could tell she'd been crying. She hid it with a smile.

"Shepard," she greeted. Before he had a chance to say anything, she went on. "I know I made a mistake. And I'm sorry. You have no idea how much." She shook her head. "I could have gotten Williams killed. She has every right to be angry with me." She seemed to swallow tears. "I have never made a mistake like that. It is very unlike me and I'm very ashamed. I'll understand if you wish me to stay on the ship."

Shepard let her words sink in before he decided how to proceed. He exhaled. "Yes, you did make a mistake and yes it was nearly a bad one." He sat down and she sat next to him. "What happened exactly? What were you thinking?"

Liara looked down. "It's no excuse," she said sadly. "I have not been...sleeping." She looked him in the eye. "I have been distracted. I am sorry."

He knew exactly why. He didn't know how he knew. He just did. He looked her in the eye. "Nightmares?" he asked softly. She nodded. "About Akuze..." She nodded again. He closed his eyes and shook his head. Then he met her gaze again. "I'm so sorry, Liara. I wish I could take that away from you."

She smiled at him. "It's all right, Shepard. I will be okay. They are not real memories. Not really. Just… images formed from feelings...if that makes sense." She squeezed his hand. "I am adjusting to them. And they help me to understand."

"Understand?"

"Yes. They help me understand the man you are. You've been having them too?..."

He wasn't sure how to answer, and he wasn't sure how comfortable he was talking about it. He changed the subject. "It doesn't matter," he said. "We have a job and we have to do it. I'm trusting you and everyone else to keep their heads on straight. No matter what."

She blinked and looked away, taking her hand from his. "It will not be a problem again, Shepard." She said firmly. She looked at him again, her blue eyes clear and determined. "I promise."

He nodded. "Good." He stood. "Get some rest. If you need something to help you sleep, Chakwas has pills. In the meantime, I'm gonna have you sit a couple out. Just to get your head back into the game."

She nodded and stood. "Thank you, Shepard." She smiled at him. He smiled back, then turned to walk out. It was time to talk to Ash.

* * *

She felt more defeated than anything as she stripped her pistol and started cleaning it. She felt like she'd been kicked in the ribs. She hadn't' seen Chakwas yet, but the purple bruise and tenderness suggested she might have a cracked rib or two.

She was still angry at Liara. And she was hurt by Shepard's dismissal of her earlier. She was angry. Professionally, Liara had dropped the ball. And then Shepard had defended her. Professionally she was annoyed as hell with him. Personally, she felt punched in the gut. She was being overly sensitive about it.

"Shit," she said aloud.

"Hey," she heard behind her. She jumped slightly and turned her head to see Shepard standing there, a blank look on his face.

"Hey," she said, still concentrating on the table and the weapon in front of her. He came around to her side, standing close to her. He leaned on the table next to her, his arm nearly touching hers. It annoyed her more than anything. Whenever he did that she felt knocked off balance. And she needed to be focused right now.

He breathed out and she could feel his eyes on the side of her face. "You see Chakwas?"

"Not yet." She looked at him. "I will."

"Ash," His eyes held concern.

"I'm okay," she reassured quickly. Then she refocused her gaze back on the weapon in her hand.

Shepard shifted next to her, crossing his arms. He leaned in, his face closer than professionally appropriate. She could smell him. It almost made her forget her anger. Almost. "I owe you an apology," he said quietly. She met his sincere eyes and waited for him to continue. "Liara messed up. I know that. And I should have backed you up."

She turned toward him, her face close to his. "Why didn't you?" She asked bluntly.

He seemed to think about it for a long moment, his eyes finally leaving hers to look forward. "I talked to her about it. But if you're asking why I didn't in the moment I don't really know. It's...complicated I guess." She wasn't about to let that go.

"Complicated?" She asked. She crossed her arms. She didn't know what he meant but she knew she didn't want to play games. She knew they'd been spending time together and Ash wasn't interested in competing for Shepard's attention. "Complicated because of your feelings for her?"

He met her eyes again. "Yes," he said simply. Then he shook his head. "I mean no. I..." he looked away again and slumped, repositioning himself away from her again. She felt like he'd taken her stomach with him.

She fiddled with the barrel of the pistol on the table as she looked at it. "So... you do care about her..." She barely got the words out and already knew the answer.

"I do, yes," he said. She felt the knife twist deeper in her heart. "But it's not what you think," he added. "Hey. Look at me." She did. His eyes searched hers. "It's not like that. It's..." He looked frustrated. "I can't really explain it." He looked away again.

Ash shrugged. "You don't have to," she said. She was starting to feel her walls go up. "It's none of my business really." The sentence came out slightly colder than she'd wanted it to, but there was no turning back now. Her defenses were up and they wouldn't be penetrated any time today.

"Come on, Ash. Don't do that." It was almost a whisper.

She focused on the table. "Look I'm not really interested in helping you figure out your 'complicated' feelings for Liara that are 'hard to explain,' okay?" I need to get my duties squared away, Sir." Her voice was quiet, but firm. She hated herself for pushing him away, but it was already so confusing. She needed to.

She felt his eyes on her face for another long moment before he nodded and pushed off the table. Wordlessly he walked away, leaving a deafening silence in his wake. When she was sure he was gone she slammed the pistol down on the table.

"Dammit!" she cursed quietly. She closed her eyes and wished the day would just be over already.


	16. Liberty and Freedom

**Chapter 16: Liberty and Freedom**

Kaidan practically bumped into Tali coming around the corner in the garage.

"Oh, sorry Tali" he apologized.

"Hello Kaidan." Tali said, her voice altered through her breathing mask. "Headed to the CIC?"

"Yep." He motioned for her to step into the elevator. He stepped in after and hit the button.

"So I wonder what this mission is all about."

Kaidan sighed. "Bunch of L2 biotics took a guy hostage. We were closest, so..." Kaidan hated the idea of L2s being terrorists. They were giving all biotics a bad name. He found it strange that the majority of biotics who went crazy and did something stupid were L2s. The implants had the potential to do mental and emotional damage as well as neurological. It was a danger, but Kaidan was all right. He was one of the lucky ones, he thought. Migraines. That was about it.

"I've never been this close to Earth before," Tali continued. "Earlier I went to the bridge to look at it. It's very beautiful."

Kaidan nodded. "It is, in some places. It's overcrowded and over mined and there's a lot of poverty, but...its home."

"I've read about the many different climates on Earth. It seems similar to what my people left behind centuries ago."

The elevator doors opened and they stepped out, heading for the CIC. "Would be nice to have a visit," Kaidan mused, though he wasn't sure he really meant it.

"You have family there?"

Kaidan nodded. "Yeah, a sister and mother." He paused. "And my father, but I don't talk to him much." He noticed the heat as he entered the room and addressed Shepard, Williams and Garrus who had all gathered. "Is it hot in here or am I getting sick or something?"

Shepard turned to him and rolled his eyes. He looked exhausted. Kaidan tried not to notice. "The cooling unit is on the fritz. Outside is subzero and in here is sweltering."

"We could open a window," Garrus joked.

Ash turned in her seat to Garrus. "Advanced prototype my ass. This is all the turians fault. Why did you make the heating system to be like Palaven?"

Garrus laughed. "Someone's been doing her research."

Ash shrugged and smiled. "I've had some downtime." Kaidan caught a look from Shepard in Ash's direction. She didn't see it, but Kaidan could have sworn his face looked troubled. Probably nothing, he told himself. Poor guy seemed to need a rest.

Liara and Wrex filed in a second later. Everyone took their seats as Shepard began to talk.

"All right." Shepard started. "Here's the deal. There's a biotic group making demands of Chairman Burns of the Parliamentary Subcommittee for Transhuman Studies. Apparently they haven't been too forthcoming with reparations."

"I read about that," Kaidan interjected. "A lot of biotics, myself included were pretty upset."

"Yeah well you didn't knock over a shipment of assault rifles and take fifteen hostages aboard a small space station."

"Fair point."

"So what's the plan?" Ash asked. She wiped her brow with the back of her hand. The heat was starting to get staggering.

Shepard sighed. "Unfortunately they refuse to talk to me. They're willing to negotiate but they are not willing to negotiate with me."

"Why not?" Ash asked.

Shepard shrugged. "They don't trust me. They think I have my hand in too many cookie jars or some crap like that. Believe me I'd rather just blow the Ontario out of the sky than deal with this right now, but you know...hostages." Shepard pinched the bridge of his nose. Kaidan made a note to ask him what was up later.

"So, what are we going to do?" Liara interjected.

Shepard looked at Kaidan. "Kaidan, I need you to take point on this. Obviously I can't go in. I don't wanna risk them getting any more nervous and panicky than they already are."

Kaidan was slightly surprised, but understood. "Understood, Commander. What...exactly should I tell them?"

"Tell them we're willing to listen, to help. To be honest I'm in agreement with their arguments. Just help them see that this isn't the way. Anything you could say to avoid getting anyone injured and getting the hostages off the ship would be great. I don't think they want to hurt anyone."

"They're just desperate," Kaidan nodded. "I'll talk to them. If things go to hell?"

"See that they don't, Lieutenant." Shepard looked him in the eye and nodded.

"Aye aye."

The airlock settled into place with a metallic sound and Kaidan, Ash and Garrus stood ready to enter the ship. Kaidan was glad to have a chance to do something productive. He'd been feeling useless lately with his headaches. This was a good chance to stretch his legs and take care of something on his own. As an officer it was unsurprising that Shepard would come to him to lead the op, but it meant a lot to him anyway. It meant the Commander trusted him. That was important to him.

As they entered Garrus pointed to a scarred mark high up on the wall. "Look," he said. "Pistol fire."

"Think there was a firefight?" Ash asked.

"It's pretty high on the wall," Garrus said. "Looks like a stray shot to me."

"So they're jumpy," Ash said quietly. "Great."

"Take it easy, Chief," Kaidan reassured. "They didn't mention any injuries. Just stay calm. We're allies here."

"Whatever you say, L.T. But if someone pulls a side arm on me things are gonna get ugly."

"Yeah I know." Kaidan sighed.

"Well let's just make sure it doesn't come to that," Garrus added. He sounded aloof. That was good. The less tense they all were the better. Kaidan didn't want to walk into dangerous situation, but he didn't want them to sense their readiness to open fire either.

It was quiet as they made their way to the bridge. Kaidan didn't know where they were keeping all the hostages, but he figured it was probably the cargo hold. They would find Chairman Burns on the bridge for sure. He was the group's meal ticket out of here. As predicted, as they entered the bridge, several armed biotics tensed and readied their pistols. Kaidan felt his own muscles tense as he willed them to relax. He knew Ash and Garrus would be ready behind him if anything happened.

"Stay right there," the man with the gun pointed at Chairman Burns said.

"We just want to talk," Kaidan reassured. His voice was calm and as soothing as possible without losing the edge of authority.

They spoke in circles for fifteen minutes. Kaidan could feel Ash getting frustrated and annoyed behind him, but thankfully she kept her mouth shut. The chief had a way of being the kind of abrasive that could only serve to get them into trouble in this situation. Luckily she was smart enough to know that. After some careful wording, some genuine agreement and some good persuasion, Kaidan managed to get the group to put their weapons down. In return, Chairman Burns had agreed to re-open dialogues regarding reparations for L2 biotics. It was a surprising win win situation.

"Chairman, you can come with us," Kaidan motioned for him to follow. "The rest of you sit tight. There's an Alliance patrol on the way. They'll take you in for some questioning, but since you didn't hurt anyone I'll do my best in my report to make sure that fact is brought to light."

The group seemed ready and willing to go with the patrol without a fight and even thanked Kaidan for his role in keeping things peaceful. Kaidan nodded and stepped out, Ash, Garrus and Chairman Burns in tow. He was glad it hadn't gotten ugly. He preferred things this way, nicely tied up, peaceful solutions. Years ago it had crossed his mind to go into some sort of position where he could do that sort of thing regularly, but his biotic talents better suited him for field combat situations. It felt good to use the skills he had in negotiations.

"Mr. Silver tongue," Ash nudged him as they stepped into the airlock. He smiled at her very slightly.

* * *

"What do you mean it's fried?" Shepard boomed. He didn't like yelling at Adams; in fact he wasn't sure why he was. He wiped the layer of sweat off of his brow with his hand.

Adams shook his head. "I'm sorry, sir. The coolant out press valve just died on us. We need to replace it."

Shepard growled quietly. "So are you telling we have to head back to the god damned Citadel again and wait another three days for some prototype part?"

"No sir. The coolant valve and the surrounding system are pretty standard stuff. Any Alliance docking facility should have some ready on hand." He fanned himself with a piece of paper.

Shepard sighed loudly and cracked his neck. "Well at least there's that. Shit." He thought for a moment. "All right. We'll touch down and get this fixed. Son of a bitch. For a state of the art ship she sure seems to fall apart easily."

"Doing my best, sir." Adams replied, sounding just a little defensive. Shepard knew it wasn't his fault. He had a short fuse at the moment, a combination of the heat and his lack of sleep. The nightmares hadn't stopped in the last few days, and he was becoming increasingly agitated by the fact that there was still no word from the Council. It had been a couple weeks now since they'd heard anything. It was pissing him off.

"I know you are, Adams" he replied simply. "I think the closest place considering our place in orbit is Macapa. I'll have Joker arrange touchdown there. You get the Alliance on the horn and order... whatever it is you need to order."

Adams saluted briskly. Shepard could tell he was aware of his frustration and didn't want to frustrate him further. Adams was a guy who could hop to. Shepard liked that about him. "Aye aye sir" he said, releasing his salute. Shepard gave a casual salute back and turned and walked out.

He radioed Joker and told him to arrange for touchdown at Macapa. He almost smiled at the thought. He had fond memories of his basic training at the base at Macapa. It might be nice to go see some old faces, visit a couple old haunts. He wouldn't have much time, but it might just be a good way to relax and unwind a little.

Ash would probably be happy to go there as well. She'd trained at Macapa. He felt a tinge of regret. They hadn't really spoken in the last few days aside from work related things. After her dismissal of him in the garage he'd been angry, frustrated that she couldn't understand what he was saying. She hadn't even been willing to listen. Of course, he realized he hadn't done much to assuage her discomfort. He'd told her he cared about Liara and then added that it was complicated. How had he expected her not to feel strangely about that? In the last couple of days he'd gone back and forth from wanting to apologize to wanting to demand an apology from her. His stubborn pride had won out so far. It probably didn't help that he'd taken a couple of meals in the mess with Liara as well. It was purely coincidental and they hadn't really done any in depth talking. Shepard found it strange that for a woman who had poked around in his brain, he was surprisingly hesitant to open up to her about personal things.

His interactions with Ashley the past few days had been relatively normal. They were both professionals, and he had tried his best not to think about it. There were more important things, and he simply didn't have the energy to think about his relationship with Ashley. Or his relationship with Liara. Eventually things would need to be sorted out, but none of mattered right now, he told himself.

Shepard wasn't the sort of man to think too much about his relationships. He realized it was probably why some of them hadn't lasted long. He wasn't necessarily bad at them, but he wasn't the greatest at communication and a few women had accused him of shutting them out. It had never really been his intention. Shepard knew his strengths and weaknesses when it came to his relationships with women. He was honest with himself. Relationships were difficult to maintain in his line of work, so until recently he hadn't actually thought about it much. He was slightly annoyed that he was thinking about it so much in the last few days.

He was feeling tense. His muscles screamed. He decided to take advantage of the time until they touched down. He changed and headed down to the gym. Somehow beating the bag was sounding like a great idea. He didn't care about the heat. It was uncomfortable, but physical training wasn't supposed to be easy anyway.

Upon entering the gym, Shepard saw Wrex, or more accurately heard him first. He let out a loud effortful growl as he dropped the heaviest barbells they had on the ship onto the floor next to the free weights. He turned, out of breath to Shepard.

"Shepard," He greeted simply.

"Wrex."

Shepard headed for the bag and immediately started in with his warm up. He could feel Wrex watching him. After a moment, he sighed and looked at the Krogan. "What?" he barked impatiently.

Wrex approached him. "You don't look so good Shepard," he grumbled. "Like a pit varren waiting for a fight."

Shepard kept his arms moving a little to keep them warm. "So?" He couldn't really think of anything to say. He'd never seen a pit varren waiting for a fight.

"So what's eating you?" Wrex chuckled. "Besides the heat. You humans get so cranky when it's hot. Williams damn near tore my arm off when I touched one of the weapons on her bench earlier."

Shepard hit the bag a couple times and Wrex moved to hold it for him. "Thanks." He was already out of breath. "Never touch Williams' workbench, Wrex."

"I like Williams," Wrex said simply. "She's pretty tough for a female."

Shepard hit the bag again. "She's pretty tough for anyone."

"She's strong. She would make a good breeder."

Shepard stopped, confused and defensive and irritated. "What?" He snipped. He shook his head and laid into the bag a few more times. "You know what, never mind." He didn't know how Krogan minds worked and he wasn't interested. He just wanted to beat the bag. That was all.

Wrex held and watched, one eye closed in concentration. Finally he spoke. "Nothing you're doing here would take down a decent Krogan."

Shepard gritted his teeth, setting his stubbled jaw into a hard position. "And what would? You gonna show me or just stand there and criticize?"

Wrex chuckled. "Let's go to the mat." He lumbered over to the sparring mat. Shepard followed, feeling anxious for a fight. This was probably about the worst idea right now, but he didn't care. He was feeling aggressive and his blood was hot. Wrex turned and took a fighting stance. Shepard mirrored him. "First thing to know about fighting Krogan is our legs aren't all that sturdy. You really wanna take us down-" Shepard cut him off with a quick grab and leg sweep. Wrex growled as he went down to the floor. He looked up at Shepard angrily as he rose slowly. "... All right Shepard... You're so anxious to get your ass kicked we'll do it the hard way." He readied himself again as Shepard stared him down.

Realistically, Shepard probably should have been more nervous than he was. Wrex was twice his size, clearly stronger and had nearly a millennia of experience being a brutal warrior. But the heat was turning Shepard animalistic, feeding his need for a fight. He knew even if he got his ass handed to him, this was exactly what he needed.

No punches were pulled.

As they sparred, Shepard felt a crack to his cheekbone. Searing pain that he ignored. He landed hit after hit on Wrex, who was big, but slow. He managed to dodge most of Wrex's knuckles, elbows and knees, but the ones that hit really hit. Pouring sweat, growling and grunting like beasts, a very real fight raged on. Shepard's instincts were finely honed through years of reactive training. He was a war machine when they kicked in, like a switch had been thrown. All soldiers were.

Wrex grunted with pain at a shot to his eye, and then responded with a charge that slammed Shepard to the wall behind them. Fully free of the mat now, both breathing heavily, Shepard felt fire in his blood. There was no hesitation as in normal sparring, just full out offensive strikes that the other was just lucky enough to defend sometimes. In his quickest move, Wrex swept Shepard's feet from under him, landing him on his back. The air pushed from Shepard's lungs as he hit and the room spun as the giant Krogan pinned him, his meaty forearm to his throat. Shepard struggled with exhaustive effort as the pressure on his neck increased. He saw stars, felt Wrex's full weight on his throat. Finally, his muscles shaking, he realized he'd lost. He tapped at Wrex's arm. He didn't let up. He tapped again, harder. Still nothing. Finally he punched and hit Wrex's arm over and over emphasizing his surrender with a couple smacks to the mat as well. Eventually, just as he was about to black out, he felt the pressure lessen on his neck and he took a deep ragged breath before coughing.

He half sat up, holding his ribs, which he suspected to be cracked. He tasted blood in his mouth and knew his cheekbone and left eye would be swollen and bruised. He grimaced as he caught his breath. Wrex sat, just as spent on the mat next to him. He grunted as he pulled a jagged tooth from his gigantic mouth and dropped it on the mat, a small pool of orange blood surrounding it.

"You stopped paying attention," Wrex said. He cracked his big neck. "That's why I won."

"What?" Shepard coughed. "I was paying attention."

"No. You were distracted. And I beat you."

Shepard gave up on trying to sit up and lay back on his back, staring at the ceiling, breathing as hard as his ribs would allow him. He knew Wrex was right. And right then he knew he needed to get it together. No more distraction, no more complaining. He had work to do even if the Council hadn't contacted them. He had a crew that relied on him to be the stable, dependable guy. His lack of sleep, his frustration, his apparent short temper, all the things that were bothering him. He needed to deal with them, find a way to stop his nightmares. Nip it all in the bud. He needed to suck it up and get the hell back to work. He set his jaw in determination as he looked at the lights above him. Then he stood quickly, offering his hand to a sitting Wrex, who took it and stood also.

"Feel better?" Wrex had a condescending tone. For a moment Shepard felt guilty. He's just taken his aggression out on the biggest guy possible for personal satisfaction.

"Sorry for taking my shit out on you," Shepard was still doubled over.

"I should be thanking you, Shepard." Wrex was favoring his ankle. "Another minute without a real fight and I might have put a hole in the hull."

Shepard chuckled, which was a mistake. His ribs let him know and he winced. "Thanks for not doing that. We'll be touching down in a little while. Everyone will get some liberty. That means you too. But it's an Alliance base so do me a favor and don't go looking for a fight."

"Don't worry, Shepard. I've had enough for one day. You fight well."

Shepard could only nod at this point as he messed with his jaw, which thankfully wasn't broken. He ran his tongue over all his teeth to make sure they were still there. He finally stood straight and thought a shower and a shave sounded like the most indulgent, amazing things ever. He nodded again a goodbye. "Wrex."

"Shepard."

* * *

Randall's was a place right on the beach just outside of the base. It was a popular place for the basic recruits when they had a little liberty once a week. There were other places, but Randall's had been where Ash had spent her time having beers and taking shots with her buddies. It looked the same, right down to the sign over the door:_ Leave your rank at the door._ Ash sighed. If only that were possible.

It had been days since she'd rather coldly pushed Shepard away. She recognized it as a clear defense mechanism. She could use the excuse of keeping things professional as much as she wanted, but she knew the truth - she just didn't want to get hurt. She'd tried not to be bothered by the fact that Shepard hadn't tried to explain further to her, but it was eating at her. They at the very least were friends, and they obviously cared for one another. She was still annoyed. She felt she was owed an explanation, a clear cut and dry statement explaining what they were, what he was with Tsoni, if anything, how he felt about them both. She realized this was ridiculous. She didn't really have a right to ask that. That had been the whole point of them not sleeping together, to keep things from becoming complicated.

Complicated was an understatement.

She brushed it off and headed in. She knew some other crew was coming, but she'd wanted to get there early for nostalgia purposes. She'd heard Liara decline an invitation to join them and she'd been relieved. This was her place tonight and she wanted to let loose. Latin beats pumped over the speakers and several people were on the dance floor. The back of the bar was open onto the beach and the air was warm, but not stifling. There was nice breeze working its way through the crowd. It caught her hair and she pushed a strand away from her eyes. With the heat on the Normandy, she'd taken Wesson's offer to lend her a lightweight green cargo skirt that was just a little too short for Ash's taste. The only shorts Ash had were her workout ones. She wore her own simple black tank top and a pair of Wesson's sandals. She had to laugh. They didn't have much space for extra personal items on the Normandy. She wondered how it seemed like Wesson had an entire wardrobe with her. Ash herself had a few tops, a couple pairs of pants and one different pair of shoes.

Tables of Alliance basic personnel still in their casual fatigues were whooping it up, taking shots and knocking back beers and laughing loudly. There were people in civvies too. There was usually a mix. Ash couldn't help but think most of the recruits looked like babies. They seemed so young, just as she probably had when she'd come here six or seven years ago.

She took a few minutes to catch up with Sylvia, the middle aged bartender that had been there for probably twenty years and never forgot a face. She even gave her the first beer on the house. Ash sipped it and looked around the room. She had a lot of good memories here. A lot of good memories of Macapa in general. She'd kept in touch with some of the guys from basic, but not all of them. Only a few of them were still even in the service and at most she exchanged emails with them a couple times a year. From her position at the bar she watched as Wesson, Kaidan, Joker, Sheshi, Fitzer and even Freddie the housekeeper filed in. Behind all of them, followed a hesitant looking Tali. Ash was glad to see her out and about, even if she did seem nervous. It couldn't be easy walking into a bar where you couldn't eat or drink anything and people would probably stare. Ash nodded to them all as they took a table and she reached for her bottle of beer, ready to join them.

"Williams?" asked a familiar voice behind her. She turned and her eyes widened, a big grin spreading over her face.

"Gaardsen?" There was no doubt. Alex Gaardsen stood in front of her a smile on his handsome face. "Oh my God!" She laughed and threw her arms around his neck.

"What the hell are you doin' here?" The large man laughed, returning her embrace.

Ash pulled back to look at him. "My ship is docked here. Thought I'd come see an old haunt." She punched his shoulder playfully. "Holy crap of all the people to see here."

Alex chuckled and shook his head. Alex Gaardsen had gone through basic with Ash. They'd been somewhat close though she didn't really keep in contact with him anymore. She was so excited to see a familiar face. A pang of pain ran through her at the thought of her squad on Eden Prime. They would have liked this place, and Alex would have fit in well with them.

"I work communications at the base now," Alex finally answered.

"Seriously?" Ash was surprised. Alex had been someone she would have figured for active duty.

"Yeah I took a round to my knee during the Blitz and it... never quite healed right, so..." He rolled his green eyes.

"You were stationed on Elysium during the Blitz?" Ash asked.

"No," he said quickly. "If you can believe it I was on vacation."

"Some vacation."

"Tell me about it." He took a swig of his beer. Ash did too. "So here I am. What about you? What brings you back to the nest?"

"I'm serving on a frigate."

Alex's dark blonde eyebrow rose. "That's not a whole lot to go on, Williams."

"Yeah well some of its classified stuff or something." She dismissed it. "But I'm doin' good. I'm happy there. The mission is important and I like my C.O."

"That's good," Alex said. "That always helps. Anyone I'd know?"

"Commander Shepard," she said simply. "I dunno, you may have heard his name around."

Alex's eyes widened. "Really? Wow. Isn't he that SpecTRe? Jesus Williams who'd you blow to get that assignment?"

She grinned and punched his arm. "Shut up. I just got..." Lucky wasn't exactly the right word. "I Didn't start out on board. There was a series of unfortunate events that put me there."

Her face must have fallen just a bit. Alex paused for a second and then moved on. "Well I got a table unless you wanna join your friends," He motioned to the group from the Normandy.

Ash shook her head. "Nah. I see them all the time. Let's catch up." She happily followed him to his table in the corner and had a seat. It would be good to hear about him and anyone else he kept in contact with. Ash found herself smiling easily and enjoying the connection while she tried to ignore the persistent ache in her chest for her fallen friends.

* * *

As Shepard walked in the memories of a decade prior flooded him. He almost smiled as he took in the bar at Randall's. Lots of good memories from this place. It was packed as usual with kids. Kids in the middle of their transformation from children to soldiers. He watched as a group of marines chugged a round of beer to the cheers of onlookers. He noticed the obvious base groupies, women there specifically to go home with Alliance marines. One caught his gaze and smiled alluringly at him. He returned the smile, adding a small wink for old times' sake. He turned then to what he knew was Joker's voice yelling "bullshit!"

He waded through the crowd over to the table of the crew from the Normandy. They were in the middle of some uproarious laughter. Even Kaidan, Freddie, and Tali looked like they were about to bust a gut. He was glad to see Kaidan relaxed. He knew he'd been feeling stressed. He'd had a good day, done good work. Shepard smiled suspiciously at his crew.

"Looks like I'm missing all the fun," he deadpanned.

Joker gulped down the remainder of his beer. "Hey Commander! Grab a beer and gather 'round. Hope you left your rank at the door."

Shepard stared at Joker. "Do you think I left my rank at the door, Lieutenant?"

Joker swallowed. "Uh...no?"

"Yeah not so much," Shepard said, but still managed a small smile. "Anyone need anything from the bar?" Everyone seemed to shake their heads. He nodded and headed toward the bar himself. The crowd parted just slightly to reveal Ash standing at the bar, leaning forward, waiting patiently for the bartender to wait on her. As he approached he couldn't help but notice her casual outfit, the short skirt that revealed the majority of her long tan legs. He caught himself giving her a quick positive appraisal and sidled up next to her.

"Williams," he greeted.

She turned, looking slightly surprised to see him and maybe just a little taken off guard. "Commander," she formally greeted back with an obviously forced smile, which faded quickly when she glanced at his face. "What the hell happened to your face?"

Shepard had almost forgotten. "Oh. Wrex. Wrex… happened to my face."

Ash's posture became all business. "Is Wrex a problem? What happened?"

"No. No," he reassured. "Just a friendly contest is all."

She relaxed a little, a small scoff escaping her beautiful lips with a smile. "Friendly huh? Remind me not to be friends with Wrex then. So... you started drinking early? I mean that's the only reason I can think that you'd challenge Wrex to a fight." She was teasing him but things were obviously awkward since they hadn't had a chance to really hash out their last conversation.

Shepard cleared his throat to clear the tension. "No but that would have been a better excuse." It got a small chuckle from her. At least they could pretend, he thought. "Look, Ash I know this isn't the best time to talk, but-"

"There you are." The male voice behind Shepard cut him off. He turned, slightly annoyed, his eyes instantly narrowing at the interruption to find a man smiling at Ash.

She turned to him and smiled. "Oh yeah I was just grabbing another round." She looked at Shepard, then back to the man. "Lt. Alex Gaardsen, this is Commander John Shepard."

The lieutenant's eyes widened slightly and he snapped to a salute before extending his hand for a shake. "Commander. It's an honor to meet you sir." Shepard took his hand in a slightly firmer than necessary shake and nodded to the man. "First human SpecTRe. It's about damn time."

"Good to meet you Gaardsen. Catching up with my gunnery chief?" He was aware he'd used the possessive. It had sounded natural enough.

Gaardsen smiled. "Yes sir. We had some good times in basic here together." He looked at her with a little more affection than Shepard hoped. "Always knew she'd rise in the NCO ranks faster than anyone else." Gaardsen looked back to Shepard. "She has a lot of great things to say about you, Sir."

Shepard's eyebrows rose involuntarily and he couldn't help but glance at Ash who looked delightfully uncomfortable by Gaardsen's last statement. Shepard fought a smile. "Well I'm lucky to have her," he said simply, his eyes still on her. She glanced up, catching his eyes for a moment and then they fluttered away. It wasn't his intention to make her uncomfortable. He really meant it, genuinely, in the professional sense of course he assured himself.

There was a moment of silence just a hair too long for Shepard's taste before Ash thankfully broke it.

"What are you drinking, Alex?" she blurted.

Gaardsen made a face. "Ah I actually gotta bolt. While you were up I got a message from the base. I gotta run." He put his empty beer bottle on the bar.

Ash frowned. "Aw that sucks," she said.

"Yeah that sucks," Shepard added just a little too quickly. He regretted it. He was being a jerk. Thankfully Gaardsen didn't seem to notice. Ash did. He could feel her look accusingly at him as Gaardsen spoke again.

"It was real nice to meet you, Sir. Good hunting to you." He saluted once more and Shepard returned it casually as Gaardsen turned to Ash. "Don't be a stranger, Williams. Hit me up with an email once in awhile all right?"

Ash smiled. "You got it. See you around, Alex." The man nodded, smiled and walked off. Ash turned to Shepard.

"He seems nice," Shepard deadpanned and took a swig of his beer.

Ash crossed her arms, never a good sign. "You know, call me crazy there Sir but I could have sworn you were acting just a little, I don't know...territorial?"

He was busted and he knew it. "...No I wasn't." He cursed inwardly at his verbal lack of brilliance. One of her eyebrows rose impatiently. He sighed. "Maybe. I'm sorry. That was... I shouldn't have."

Ash looked confused. "Why did you?" Blunt. Right to the point. That was Ashley Williams and Shepard knew it.

He exhaled and sipped his beer. It was, apparently time to clear the air. "I'm sorry. It was presumptuous of me. I have no right to ask or assume anything about Gaardsen or anyone else."

"No, you don't." Ash's words hit him in the gut, but he knew she was right. He didn't know what had gotten into him. He wasn't the jealous type. He wasn't territorial with women, especially if the woman in question wasn't in a position be territorial about. It was disrespectful of him. And unprofessional. He felt like an idiot.

He met her eyes softly as he spoke. "Look, Ash about the other day in the garage."

She shifted and tensed. "What about it?"

"I don't like this," He admitted, honestly. He watched her shoulders relax. "The way we left things. And I don't think you like it either."

Her brown eyes met his and then she exhaled. "No. No I don't like it either."

For the first time in a long time Shepard was struggling to find the right words. He thought for a moment and then motioned to the beach. "Come with me." He walked out. She followed. "Let's get out of the crowd." He led them a little ways down the beach, far enough from the bar to where it was quieter. It was far enough to have a bit of privacy and close enough that it didn't look like they were trying to get some privacy. The waves pounded the shore and the night air had a breeze that was cooling. The music was muffled thankfully to a volume that was easy to speak over. Shepard stood, staring at the water for a few seconds before he continued. "Things have been strange for me since what happened with the beacon," he said plainly.

Ash stepped toward him and joined him looking at the ocean. "Strange how?"

He figured he might as well be honest. That was what he'd brought her out here for to begin with. "Nightmares, for one. Not just the visions."

"Nightmares?" She asked. He could tell she was wondering where he would go with this. It seemed to occur to her and she took a deep breath. "You mean Akuze."

He smiled at her seriousness. "I don't mean for this to get heavy. It's leading up to a point, I promise. I got my past squared away a long time ago," he continued. He shrugged. That wasn't entirely true. "Mostly," he added. He looked at her. "Anyway the beacon has been giving me those weird visions, but mixed into those are some memories I've long since buried. It's been...difficult." He should have felt strange telling her this. For a moment he considered backing off, maintaining the guarded personal distance he was used to. He thought maybe he should be maintaining some semblance of professionalism. That was impossible, he thought. They'd already passed that point long ago. She waited patiently for him to continue. "So I haven't been sleeping. And then with Toombs..."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that," Ash nearly whispered.

He met her eyes and stopped, resting there in the comfort of them for just a second before going on. "I know. I'm just trying to explain something that I couldn't explain the other day.

He heard her hesitate as she figured it out. "About Liara..."

He turned to her. They were standing far enough away to not be in each other's personal space. He fought the urge to step closer. "That's part of it, yeah." He considered how to continue. It was hard to put into words. Ash must have seen him hesitating.

"Shepard, you don't have to -"

"Yes I do," he said. "Well I don't, I suppose. But I want to. Akuze was a hell I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. The things I saw... The marines, the friends I lost there. To this day when someone even mentions a thresher…." He trailed off, not wanting to dwell on the unpleasantness.

Ashley's eyes softened on his, a look that said she understood. "I'm sorry,"

Shepard's intention wasn't to make her feel sorry for him. He shook his head. "No. Don't be. I'm not looking for that, Ash. Like I said I've dealt with it. My point here is that when Liara and I joined minds...When I said it was hard to explain I mean it really is hard to explain. There was an exchange."

"Exchange?"

"Yes. Thoughts, feelings, experiences. Just pieces of things, all kind of jumbling together. I didn't get as much from her as she got from me." He ran a hand over his hair. "I'm not really explaining it right. It was like...drowning...kind of. I don't know." He laughed. "How do you explain what it's like to have someone swimming around in your head?"

Ash smiled. "I can't even imagine."

"My point…finally… is that I've shared a lot with Liara. And she's suffered for it. And I feel responsible for that somehow. So yes, I feel close to her." Ash nodded her understanding. He knew all of it sounded strange. It wasn't your typical kind of relationship discussion. He went on. "But I didn't choose to share those things. Not really." He waited for her to look up at him again. "Not in the way I feel like I want to…with you." His words were straight and casual, but he realized the weight of them as they came out of his mouth. It was an admission he was strangely comfortable with. He waited for her reaction, unsure if she would be as comfortable.

Her eyes bore into his, seemingly searching for the truth of it all. When she found it, she smiled just a little. She looked down and shook her head, still smiling. "Careful, Skipper." Her voice had the flirty, teasing lilt he liked so much. "Keep talkin' like that we're gonna have to re-write regs."

They shared a chuckle as her eyes met his again, this time with something different in them. Her desires were as clear as they'd ever been in that moment. He returned the look, finally adding something he'd wanted to say for months. "Williams when this is all over… you're in serious trouble."

Her eyebrow shot up seductively. "Promises, promises Shepard." She turned then, motioning back toward the bar. He followed, making sure to keep his distance, the corner of his mouth unable to stop from turning itself up.

Back in the bar, a loud animalistic growl rose above the music and Shepard turned to see Wrex, of all people slamming a giant empty mug down on the table in front of him. Several soldiers were gathered around him cheering. "Beat that, human!" Wrex bellowed to the man sitting across the table before letting out a rumble of a laugh. Shepard's mouth hung slightly open as he glanced at Ash, who had the same look on her face. They laughed, shook their heads and headed to the table with the rest of the crew.

Shepard felt relaxed. He enjoyed the rest of the night with his crew, laughing, listening to stories and generally feeling like a young recruit again. He even allowed himself a pretty hearty, warm buzz from the beer. By the time the group of them headed back to the ship, he didn't even care whether or not Adams had fixed the cooling. Luckily though, he had and as Shepard flopped down on his bed he closed his eyes, relishing the cool air. He slept. He had no nightmares.


	17. Humanity's Darling

**Chapter 17 – Humanity's Darling**

Shepard entered the cockpit briskly to find Joker chatting with Alenko. "Joker, what's our ETA?"

The two men turned to him as Joker spoke. "Fifty six minutes, Commander." He grinned. "So Commander we were just taking bets here on which one the five women in the news is telling the truth."

Shepard's eyebrow raised in confusion. "What?"

"Well we're not taking bets," Kaidan reassured. "But you have to admit it's kind of amusing... of course it's not me so..."

Shepard shook his head. "What are you talking about?"

Joker's eyes widened. "You serious? Don't you read or watch any news about yourself?"

Shepard sighed. "I try not to. Wait what is this now?" Shepard had been avoiding the news ever since he was named a SpecTRe. It was embarrassing. It felt like a violation. They interviewed childhood friends, speculated on where he was and what he was doing; put his entire career record on public display. He couldn't help thinking that it was going to get him killed. He wondered how the celebrities of the world dealt with that crap.

Kaidan cleared his throat. "In the past couple months there have been five women that have come forward and said you're the father of their children."

"What?" And there it was, something even worse than reporting actual personal information – making it up instead. He scoffed and made a face.

"Yeah..." Joker pulled up a holo. "You seriously didn't see this?" He clicked through several women's pictures and names.

Shepard shook his head as he read. "I've never even met these women!"

"Uh huh," Joker teased. "That's what they all say."

Kaidan chimed in. "Look it's probably just the whole first human SpecTRe thing, Commander. I wouldn't worry. Just some parasites looking for attention or money."

"How did I miss this?" Shepard was very uncomfortable. It was enough that he'd even been in the news, but this felt like a violation of his person. "Seriously I've never seen any of these women in my li- wait go back." Joker clicked back to a picture of a blonde woman. Shepard relaxed. "Okay never mind. Thought she was someone else." He shook his head. "This is news? This is what's being talked about right now?" He pinched the bridge of his nose.

Kaidan shrugged. "For this second anyway..." He clapped Shepard on the shoulder. "Don't let it bother you too much. At most it amounts to high school gossip."

"Yeah…Dad." Joker snickered.

Shepard's eyes narrowed. "Knock it off, Lieutenant." He wasn't finding this very funny.

Joker straightened up as if he'd just remembered he was speaking to a superior officer. "Sorry, Commander. Ah hey don't worry. I don't think anyone actually believes any of it. It'll be old news by tomorrow."

Shepard exhaled an exasperated growl. "When this is all over I'm moving to a cave." He motioned for Kaidan to follow him and headed off the bridge, his lieutenant in tow.

"So what's this data module now?" Kaidan asked, keeping in stride with Shepard as they weaved through crew.

"Alliance fighter pilot had a system failure and crashed on Eletania. We have to recover the data module so they can put together the official flight data report."

Kaidan furrowed his brow. "Forgive me for saying so Shepard but it sounds like a bit of an errand. What's the catch?"

Shepard sighed. It was a bit of an errand. It was all errands lately. "It came down from Hackett so we do it," Shepard said flatly. "That's that."

"Understood, Commander."

As they entered the bridge, the door closed behind them and Shepard let his shoulders fall a little. "But you're right. Its bull shit. It's busy work. I'm sick of it."

"Can I speak freely, Sir?"

Shepard hesitated for just a moment. "Always. Go ahead, Kaidan."

Kaidan looked like he was carefully considering what to say. "I just wanted to make sure you were feeling all right, Shepard. I've noticed the past week or so you've looked...well, Sir you've looked a bit troubled or distracted or something."

Shepard was wondering when Kaidan was going to ask him about it. It wasn't as if he'd done a particularly good job hiding his frustrations and if anyone were to pick up on it, it would be him. Kaidan was an observant man, and they'd worked closely these past few months.

"I'm okay, Kaidan." He leaned on the railing and crossed his arms. "I wasn't sleeping for awhile. This beacon stuff." He left it at that. "I've been frustrated and feeling like we're running out of time. The Council has their thumbs up their asses and they don't believe the real story anyway. I just feel like too many of our supposed allies are making things difficult."

"I hear you. I get it. I don't mean to pry and I don't want it to seem like I'm questioning anything you're doing. I'm not. I'm just checking in, seeing if you wanted to talk. You got a lot on your plate, Shepard. It's my job to help you out with it where I can."

"I appreciate it." He realized just how much he actually did appreciate it. He smiled. "Can you find Saren and give me his head on a platter?"

"I'll do my best, sir." Kaidan chuckled softly.

"Eh it was worth a shot."

Kaidan changed the subject. "So I heard you roughed up Wrex pretty good the other day, by the way."

Shepard scoffed. "More the other way around."

"Did you see that guy putting beer away with the Macapa recruits the other night? I was sure there'd be a brawl."

"So was I." He smiled. "That was a fun night. The crew deserved it."

"Yeah I'm glad the rest of them showed up. No Liara though, huh? Would have thought she'd come and hang out."

Shepard was unsure how to respond. "She's not very social."

Kaidan shrugged. "Seems pretty social with you."

"You insinuating something, Kaidan?"

"No sir. Just making an observation."

"Speaking of observations, what's with you and Wesson?" Shepard didn't mean to be so blunt with his question, but he didn't feel like talking about Liara at the moment.

"I..." Kaidan shrugged. "Nothing. Why?"

"Uh huh. You two seemed a little more than friendly the other night." In truth, Shepard wouldn't have minded if something was going on on the sly, but if he'd noticed others had too.

"We were just talking," Kaidan was starting to sound defensive. "Sir I hope you don't think I'm entertaining the notion of breaking regs."

Shepard shook his head. "No. I know you wouldn't Kaidan. Relax. There aren't any regs saying you can't talk. Just wanted to let you know what I've been seeing."

Kaidan finally sighed and shrugged. "I like her, sure. I'll admit it. I wasn't aware it was so obvious."

"It's not. Don't worry about it. Long as you keep your head in the game I don't care who you talk to in your downtime."

"Understood, sir" Kaidan smiled. "Let's just say it'll be nice when all this is...over."

"Yeah. Fully agree."

They both chuckled slightly as they walked out.

* * *

Ash heard Wrex grumble as he tossed aside another piece of twisted metal. "Explain to me why we're sifting through the Alliance's garbage again?"

"You're the one who insisted on coming on this op," Ash grunted as she headed to the remains of a console.

"I needed to stretch my legs." Wrex stared off into the distance for a moment. "And there's nothing to shoot here. "This place is too...pretty."

Ash looked around. Eletania was beautiful. Grassy, green with rolling hills and low mountains. The sun was bright and warm and there was a nice breeze. Ash could feel her cheeks warming in the light and she tried to remember the last time she actually sat outside in the sun.

"Anything yet?" Shepard's voice carried from the other side of the rubble.

"Nothing yet," Ash called back. The Normandy was hovering just a short distance away in an open field. They hadn't even bothered to put armor on for this and were only carrying their side arms. It shouldn't have taken this long.

A clang from the other side of the rubble startled Ash. "God dammit!"

"You okay over there, Commander?" She made her way to the other side to find Shepard gingerly touching the back of his head. He pulled his fingers away to find blood.

"Yeah," he answered. "Should've worn my helmet."

Ash smiled. "That uh, that beam there really gave you a what for huh?" She snickered.

"Yeah laugh it up." He smirked at her, catching her eyes for just a second.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. This data module is not here. It's not. At all. I don't know what Hackett was talking about." She watched him toss aside a small piece of metal in frustration.

"It's gotta be here somewhere right? Unless there's some wreckage we're missing."

Shepard squinted up at the sun. Ash took particular notice of the crinkles she liked so much around his eyes. "No this is it. Unless someone chucked it out the window as they came down."

Wrex lumbered up. "Couldn't the pilot have just grabbed the module when he left?"

"Hindsight is twenty twenty I guess," Ash said.

"What does that even mean, Williams?"

Sometimes Ash forgot non-humans were unfamiliar with human sayings. "Nothing. Never mind. We'll just have to keep looking."

Shepard kicked casually at a chunk of wreckage with is boot. "This assignment is bull, but we can't really go back to Hackett with nothing. Keep digging."

Ash managed to squeeze through to what looked like the cockpit. "I'm amazed the pilot of this fighter was able to walk away at all." She made a face. "Looks like there's more than just a data module missing."

"What do you mean?" Shepard squeezed into the area next to her, his body close. She almost forgot what she was going to say.

"I mean look. Lights, whole consoles, omniboards. A lot of the smaller stuff here is just...gone."

Shepard leaned forward to get a better look, casually pressing his torso lightly against her back. "Huh..." he mused. His sudden hand on her waist let her now just how non-accidental it actually was. She fought a smile.

"How is that possible?" She turned her head to find the side of his face very close to hers, so close she could smell the barely there scent that was distinctly him. She fought a delicious shiver.

He looked like he was going to say something when Ash jumped at the shotgun blast. Her heart pounded as she and Shepard squeezed back out of the rubble to find Wrex looking off in the distance, his gun still smoking.

"Wrex," Shepard's voice boomed. "What is it?"

Ash's eyes darted around, her hand on her pistol. She didn't see anyone or anything until her eyes saw what Wrex was looking at.

"Stupid rats!" Wrex yelled in the direction of a small primate type animal that was looking at them all curiously from a distance. It chirped and squeaked and then ran up the hill.

Ash rolled her eyes. "Really Wrex?"

"Can you just not shoot the local wildlife please?" Shepard added.

Wrex grumbled. "I hate those things."

"What are they?" Shepard asked, staring up the hill after it.

"Pyjaks. Vermin."

"They look like monkeys," Ash added.

"Whatever they are they're a pain in the ass," Wrex put his shotgun back on his belt. "They're all over Tuchanka. And they like to steal things. You know it could be they're what took your damn module. It's small enough for them to scurry off with. And they like shiny things."

Ash looked to Shepard. "That might explain all the other missing bits and pieces."

Shepard exhaled. "All right. Great. Let's...see if we can follow it home I guess." He started up the hill, Ash and Wrex not far behind.

When they reached the top of the grassy hill, Ash's eyes widened a little. "Woah..." There, surrounding what looked to be a large cave with several small openings was a colony of pyjaks milling about. "There must be dozens of them."

Wrex growled. "More like hundreds. We should just blow the whole thing up."

"Are they...friendly?" Ash asked. She noticed one of them curiously approaching her. "I mean is this thing gonna bite me? Is it poisonous? What?"

"No," Wrex responded. "It won't bite. These things are too friendly. And stupid. Don't know not to try to make friends with a Krogan who'll eat 'em for dinner."

Small black eyes stared up at Ash as the animal moved closer. She took a small step back. "You guys...eat these?" She stepped back a few more steps. The pyjak followed with a questioning chirrup noise.

"Looks like you made a friend, Chief." Ash could hear the smile in Shepard's voice, but she didn't look at him. Her attention was focused on the pyjak, who was staring up at her blankly.

"Right...yes you're very cute. Go away now please. Go on...shoo." She made a motion with her hands the pyjak ignored. She sighed and looked at Shepard and Wrex. "Can we just find this crap and get out of here?"

Shepard smiled and stepped forward toward the rock face. Several pyjaks squeaked and moved out of his way. Others simply watched from lofty perches. He looked into the entrance to the cave and shined a light from his omni-tool inside. "Looks like its open in there."

"Yeah," Wrex and Ash moved up behind him. "They use their claws to hollow out rock faces and make a den. Then they leave one little opening so they can come and go. If the data module is anywhere it's in there."

Shepard shoved his head through the opening, his arm in front of him, the light from his omni-tool disappearing. He grunted. "Eh I'm too big to get a good look." His voice was muffled by the rock.

The pyjak had now started tapping, touching and picking at Ash's pant leg. She casually shoved it away with her leg, hoping to discourage it, but it just came back to mess with her boot laces.

"I still think we should just blow this shit up," Wrex reiterated.

Shepard's head emerged from the small hole in the rock face. He tapped the rock. "We're not gettin' through this easily. And to be honest I don't want to waste explosives on this exercise. But I think if we can get inside there's room to move around." He stood and brushed himself off. He stared at the pyjak who was now sitting calmly next to Ash's foot. He smiled. "Think we can get your buddy there to go in after it?"

"Why not Williams?" Wrex suggested. "The hole might be big enough for her. She's the smallest we got right now."

Ash furrowed her brow. "You want me to... squeeze in there?" She pointed to the hole, which was tiny, even for her. She knew it was going to happen when she saw Shepard sizing up the hole, then sizing up her size. She crossed her arms. "What if I get stuck?"

"You won't." Shepard shrugged.

"What if there's some bottomless pit in there and I fall in and die?"

"You won't." Shepard repeated. She stared at him for a second until he couldn't keep the corner of his mouth from turning up.

Ash narrowed her eyes. "You owe me one." She removed her pistol and handed it to him.

"Thank you, Chief." She was annoyed at the amusement in his voice. As she got down on all fours to examine the entrance she heard Wrex chuckle.

"Yeah keep laughin' Gigantor," She poked her head in to the blackness and let her eyes adjust to the dark. "Oh god what is that smell?"

"Feces" Wrex said simply. His booming voice was muffled by the rock.

"Great." Ash maneuvered herself through the hole past her shoulders and down to her hips. She squirmed. It was a seriously tight fit. She pictured her ass hanging awkwardly out of the entrance and sighed. She thought she must look like Winnie the Pooh. She remembered reading the story to her niece. Winnie had gotten his butt stuck in a hole because he ate too much honey. She sighed again.

Her hands had made it to the ground and what she hoped was just mud. Judging by the smell it wasn't. With some exertion she managed to squeeze through and finally she was all in. It was damp and disgusting in the cave. Ash turned on her omni-tool light to get her bearings. She would need to crawl through another slightly larger space to get to the main area, which appeared to be open enough to stand. The beam from her light hit a set of shiny black eyes next to her shoulder and she started with a gasp, causing the scared pyjak to squeak loudly and scramble out of the hole.

Shepard and Wrex both started laughing. It infuriated her. "Stop that, both of you!" she yelled out. They stopped.

"Sorry," Shepard's voice was still full of laughter. It turned serious again. "See anything?"

"Not yet. Give me a minute." She moved through the small space on her stomach, knowing full well she was dragging herself through all sorts of nastiness. On the other side she stood, hunched over in the small cave and shined her light around. Another pyjak stared at her warily. "How ya doin?" She nodded a greeting and continued to look around. Sure enough, several missing parts of the ship were in a corner of the cave in what looked to be a sort of nest. She moved to them and started sifting through. Most everything was junked, but there at the bottom she found the data module they'd been looking for. She breathed a sigh of relief, then realized breathing was a bad idea. She wrinkled her nose at the smell that was now coming from her. "Sonofabitch," she cursed as she examined the front of her uniform. It was disgusting. She decided not to look at it again until she could get out of it.

"I got it," she said. She poked the module out through the entrance and into the hands of Shepard. Then she heard him speaking to Wrex.

"Here. Go ahead and get this on board to Wesson. I'll get her out of there." Ash heard Wrex start to walk off and then the light from outside the hole was obscured by Shepard looking in. "How ya doin?" he asked.

She nodded. "A little claustrophobic actually. Get me out of here? Please?" Shepard nodded and stood and Ash began the arduous task of smooshing herself through the opening again. She got stuck halfway through with no leverage. "Dammit my ass is stuck again. I can't get a good push off in the cave there." She struggled more as Shepard took her hands and started to pull. He pulled hard but she wouldn't budge. "It's no good," she grunted. "I'm starting to panic!"

"All right calm down." Shepard moved to get a better hold around her rib cage from behind and positioned himself so he could push off the rock with his foot. "Okay I'll pull." He started pulling and Ash started moving, trying to get out at a decent angle. The rocks were digging into her hips. Either her ass had grown five inches since she'd gotten in the cave or the angle of her exit was all wrong.

"Ow, OW!"

Shepard kept pulling, his arms tight around her middle, his voice strained. "Suck it in, Chief."

"Shut up," She smacked his arm and heard him laugh in her ear. His breath would have normally given her a chill but she was actually starting to freak out a little. And this was embarrassing. They looked like something out of some slapstick comedy vid at the moment. "Oh please, God don't let me die like this." She shoved with her feet as best she could, ignoring the pain of the rock and she finally slipped free landing softly on the ground with Shepard. She let out a breath of relief and rested her head back on his chest. "Oh thank God."

They sat for a second, Shepard's arms still around her. He chuckled then, looking down at her. "You know, Williams I never thought I'd say this to you... but you smell like shit."

"Get off of me!" she shoved him away with a laugh and stood.

They made their way back to the ship. He was right. She smelled so bad she was almost gagging. Covered in pyjak poo, Ash entered the ship through the airlock to find Kaidan standing there. He covered his mouth and nose with his hand.

"Oh god. Chief you smell like the Thorian."

Ash scowled. "Shut up."

"Ha!" Joker yelled from the cockpit a few feet away. "You're covered in monkey shit! You're Chief Monkeyshits!"

Ash's anger flashed and then she grinned. "I think Joker needs a hug." She made her way toward him.

"No no. Oh god no!" He struggled against her as she put her arms around him and gave him a wet, poop covered hug. "Oh God I hate you! Watch the hat! I just freakin' showered!" Feeling Joker squirm helplessly in her arms was about as much satisfaction as she was going to get. She could hear Kaidan laughing.

She released the surly pilot, who groaned. She turned to Kaidan. "You want one too, L.T.?"

Kaidan put his arms up. "I'm armed, Chief." She smiled and noticed Shepard smiling and shaking his head.

"Hit the showers, Williams." He ordered.

"Don't have to tell me twice." She saluted and headed down to the showers, clearing a path as she went.

* * *

Back to the Citadel. Shepard was getting tired of this ping ponging throughout the traverse. It wouldn't take them long, but they had to deliver the data module to an Alliance rep on the Citadel. Shepard felt like an errand boy. He sighed and clicked into his email on his monitor. At the very least he could use the opportunity to try to meet with the Council. He'd already sent a request. He wasn't sure it would do much good if they had no information to offer him, but he wasn't going to just let them sit around.

He opened up a response from Udina regarding his request and grunted. The Council would be happy to meet with him. Two days from now.

"Son of a bitch," he mumbled. "Looks like the crew will have more liberty." Everything they did lately felt like liberty. "Dammit." He was about to stand and get ready for bed when another message popped up. He opened it and raised an eyebrow. A message from Gianna Parasini. He'd met her on Noveria. She'd helped him get to Peak 15. Though their interaction had been brief, he'd been grateful for her help.

It was a request to meet with him when he was on the Citadel. She had a favor to ask. He didn't really want to know how she knew he was even headed to the Citadel. Seemed like other people knew more about what he was doing than he did sometimes. He sent a quick one line email back saying he'd be there in a few hours and to name a time and place.

He yawned. He needed sleep. He stood and removed his shirt and pants, folding them neatly and placing them on his dresser. He brushed his teeth and climbed under his sheet and stared at the ceiling. After a moment he brought up his omnitool and sent a text to Ash.

_Chakwas give you a shot just to be safe?_

He wasn't sure she'd answer. She was probably in bed. But a moment later his omni-tool beeped with a message.

_Yep. Shouldn't you be sleeping?_

_Just climbed into bed. You working?_

_No. Just went to bed too. Hey can we never mention the pyjak poo again?_

Shepard smiled and responded.

_You got it, Chief._

_Thanks, Skipper. Good night._

_Night._

Shepard lay back and started counting back from 100, one of his tried and true methods of getting to sleep when his head was being loud. He was at 91 when he drifted off.

* * *

"Nice ship," Gianna Parasini cooed as she eyed the CIC." She'd responded to Shepard's message saying she wanted to meet here when he docked. Most of the crew was already off taking care of personal business on the Citadel.

"Yeah well you're not even supposed to be on it. Why couldn't we meet in public?" Shepard had his arms crossed as she turned to him and smiled. Gianna was a striking woman. She'd been a big help to Shepard on Noveria. Without her they wouldn't have gotten to Peak 15 and they wouldn't have stopped Benezia.

"Sorry for the cloak and dagger," she apologized. "But I need your help." She put her hand up. The contrast of her green eyes and dark skin was attention grabbing. "Before you roll your eyes or say it's not in your job description I already know it isn't." She smirked. "But you owe me."

Shepard sighed. "Well you just get right to it don't you?" He supposed he did owe her. She'd put her under cover position and her investigation on the line in order to help him get what he needed on Noveria.

"Sorry. No time for foreplay. There's a party, a real swanky bit of bull that I'd have to wear heels for. The problem is I don't have the status to get in and I'm working a job. The guy I'm investigating will be walking around the party acting like an ass and I need to get close enough to clone his omnitool."

Shepard's eyebrow went up. "And you're asking me to...?"

Gianna sighed. "I need a date. And you" she poked his chest "are the first human SpecTRe blah blah blah everybody wants to kiss your ass yada yada."

Shepard made a face. "I'm a marine not a socialite." The concept of him having any kind of political or social clout was utterly foreign to Shepard. It was just another thing that was making him very uncomfortable about being a SpecTRe.

"Please?" Gianna begged. "I'll even pay you."

He laughed.

"Come on please?" she whined quickly. Her face slowly turned to a big eyed, pleading, desperate look. He wasn't sure what it was about her, but he felt like he couldn't turn her down.

He exhaled a sigh. "I don't like this."

"I know. I don't either. You think I enjoy the thought of putting on an evening gown and sashaying around talking to rich old men all night?"

There was a long silence as Shepard stared at her, thinking. What the hell, he thought. "Who is your target?"

"Target?" She laughed and playfully smacked his arm. "Hold on there cowboy. It's not like we're gonna take him out. He's a feeble old mogul who might just die before I get the chance to bust his corporation. His name is Charles Manillagrew. He owns a data software company and in his spare time likes to lend money to human interest groups. I say lend but I really mean give and keep it off the books."

"….Manillagrew? What kind of name is that?"

"Focus, please."

"Sorry. So what are the odds that that information will be on his personal omni-tool."

Gianna's shoulders slumped and she groaned. "About a million to one. The best I can hope for is to get emails or contacts and leads. It's the best I've got right now unless I want to start sleeping with him to get access to his personal files."

Shepard smiled. "Just how committed are you to your work, Gianna?"

She raised an eyebrow and scoffed. "I'm too old for him anyway. He likes them 18-20. I don't fit the bill." She smiled. "So you'll help me?"

Shepard shifted uncomfortably and made a face. "I've got nothing better to do at the moment." Unfortunately, that was the truth.

"I find that hard to believe, Commander." Shepard just sighed in return. "I'll have the suit sent to you right away. Party's at eight. I'll meet you there." She turned to leave and then turned back. "Oh and, don't forget to shave." She winked and walked out.

Shepard sighed and cracked his neck. His hand moved to his face and jaw. She was right. It must have been a couple days since he'd shaved. He was never very good at keeping up with it. He headed for the gym. He decided a workout would be the best thing right now.

* * *

Liara was already too close to turn around when she heard Williams raise her voice.

"Well you're just gonna have to decide. I can't do it for you." Williams was leaning near her console, one hand on her earpiece. She was clearly on a call. Liara was stuck. She couldn't walk off without Williams seeing her but she didn't know how long she would be. And things were already awkward between them. She was about to turn and make her escape when Williams spoke again, this time in a much calmer tone. "Look I have to go, Bug but I'll call you when I can. In the mean time you're just gonna have do what's right for you, you know?... I know. I love you too. Bye." She sighed and tossed the ear piece down onto the table.

Liara cleared her throat. Williams turned. "Uh...is this a bad time? I didn't mean to interrupt."

Williams seemed to pause for a second as if she was confused, and then shook her head. "No. Not a bad time. It's okay. What do you need?"

Liara held her pistol out in front of her. "I'm afraid there's something wrong with my weapon. I'm not sure what, but something sounds jammed or broken inside. Would you...mind taking a look at it?"

Williams took the pistol from her. "Oh. Sure. Yeah." She examined the barrel. "Jammed you say?"

Liara relaxed slightly. "It's like a...whrrclick whrrclick noise." She laughed nervously. "Sort of."

Williams actually cracked a small smile, but continued looking at the weapon. "Could be your chamber." She headed to the bench and started tinkering with the weapon, expertly taking it apart and laying the pieces out neatly. Liara watched, impressed with how quickly she was able to disassemble the weapon. The silence was too much for Liara after a few moments.

"I didn't mean to overhear your conversation, but couldn't help noticing you seem stressed."

Williams looked up for a second, then back down at the pistol. "Eh just my sister. She just...can't seem to figure things out I guess."

Liara smiled. "Ah. I have always wondered what it would have been like to have a sister. We asari consider all other asari 'sisters' in the grand scheme of the word, but to have someone close to me growing up might have been nice."

Williams scoffed. "Yeah well I have three sisters. All younger. They're great but they drive me crazy sometimes. Least you missed out on that part."

Liara leaned on the table. "I didn't have many friends, not that I minded really. I was always fairly quiet. But my mother's status made it difficult to make and keep playmates."

Williams smiled at her just a little. "Look at it this way. At least you never had to share your toys."

"I suppose that is a good thing." Liara nodded. "So your sister's name is...Bug?"

Ash looked up. "What? Oh," She laughed. "Oh no. Her name is Sarah. I just..." she looked hesitant to continue but did anyway. "That's just... something I call her sometimes."

"Oh." Liara felt the realization that she had just found out something very personal about Ashley Williams. Now she felt odd that she knew the pet name she used for her sister. Williams clearly felt the same. There was a long and palpably awkward silence and Liara felt like she was going to scream until Williams spoke again.

"Aha." She clicked something into place. "Just a pin loose." She reassembled the gun quickly, cocked it into position and handed it back to Liara. "The Kessler models shake loose easy." She grabbed a different pistol off of the table. "Here. Try this. The Karpov is much better for that and it packs a meaner sting."

Liara took it. "Oh. Thank you."

Williams crossed her arms. "No sweat." There was another awkward silence. "You headed off onto the Citadel?"

Liara nodded. "Yes, actually. I need to make some purchases. You?"

Williams shrugged. "Not sure yet. Might go for beers. I dunno. See what Alenko's up to maybe. Feels weird, the amount we've just been sitting around."

Liara smiled. "Yes I know. I like your lieutenant. He's seems like a good man." She couldn't quite read the look on Williams' face then.

"Yeah. He is. Very smart. Very professional."

Another silence. Liara nodded. She suspected that Williams was being overly protective of Lt. Alenko, needlessly so even. Liara had no interest in him other than to say he was kind, but she didn't feel like explaining that to Williams. "Well I should…"

Williams smiled at her thinly. "Okay."

"Thank you again."

"Anytime."

They both nodded at each other and then Liara made her feet take her to the elevator. Very few people in Liara's life had been able to intimidate her the way Ashley Williams could. She wondered what it was about her. Liara had faced down enemies. She'd never wavered in arguments, never felt unsure of herself until now. She knew that part of it had to do with Williams' strong personality. She had no concept of subtlety or tact and was often far too free with her opinions. Asari, while bold had a certain way of stating things more elegantly. Perhaps that was what she was used to. That wasn't it though, she admitted as she exited the elevator and headed to her bunk.

The real issue was how Liara felt about Shepard. She needed to tell him. Caring for him from afar was silly and girlish. If only they didn't have the joining between them perhaps things would be easier. It didn't matter. Things were as they were and Liara knew she simply needed to get her feelings out there. She couldn't quite get a read on if he felt similarly. She suspected he might, despite his possible affection for Williams. The whole thing was making her head hurt.

When he got back, she would tell him.

* * *

Shepard already felt out felt out of place. His formal suit fit perfectly which meant it was specifically for him. It was just another chunk of information about him out there that someone had. He wondered if he had any secrets left at all.

They'd entered the party not ten minutes ago and Gianna had made a beeline for the ladies room. He raised an eyebrow as she approached. "Everything…okay in there?" He asked.

She gave him a withering look. "There was a…dress SNAFU."

Shepard wasn't going to ask what that meant. "Looks nice anyway," he shrugged. "Not sure which part is the snafu."

"I fixed it." She smiled. She did look great in her long black gown. It was simple and hugged her curves. Shepard couldn't help but check her out. "I hate this crap." She looked around the room. "Okay we have about thirty seconds before the vultures start to descend on you."

"Great," Shepard deadpanned. "What's your big plan?"

"Smile, nod, give them a good story or two. I'm gonna get this over with." She walked off before he could protest.

"Givethemagoodstory," Shepard grumbled under his breath. He looked for the exit. Maybe he could at least retreat to the men's room for a moment. He started toward it but heard his name behind him.

"Commander Shepard?" He turned to find a woman standing behind him. A camera was floating behind her. He recognized her as a reporter and thought maybe he'd seen her before. She extended her hand. "Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani, Westerlund News." After hesitating just a second, Shepard took her hand and shook it. He knew who she was now. She'd done some scandalizing expose on a politician not too long ago. She smiled. "I was wondering if I could get a few comments from you while you're here."

Shepard smiled slightly. "You know the Alliance has a press corps for that, Ms. Al-Jilani."

She chuckled. "Please, call me Khalisa. Yes I'm familiar with the Alliance's press corps, but I just couldn't help myself seeing you here. I'm sure that the people would love to hear what you have to say about being the first human SpecTRe. I mean you haven't made a peep to the press."

"That's because I've been busy and on assignment. I leave the public relations to people who are good at that sort of thing."

"But you're here right now and so am I. Just a few questions I promise."

Shepard took a deep breath and thought for a second. "All right, just as long as you understand that some things are classified and I can't comment on them."

"I'm sure our viewers will understand," Khalisa punched a few buttons on her data pad and the camera sprung to life, bathing Shepard in a bright white light. He was regretting this already. "Humans have been trying to get the respect of the galactic community for twenty six years. With that in mind, what are your feelings on becoming the first human SpecTRe?"

Shepard straightened up. "The SpecTRes represent the best that every species has to offer. To be asked to join them is an honor, one which I take very seriously."

Khalisa shrugged. "Some people seem to think that your appointment as a SpecTRe is the Citadel Council throwing humanity a bone. Have you encountered any situations where the Council has asked you to put its needs above the needs of Earth?"

Shepard decided a diplomatic non answer would be the best approach. "The Council is responsible for a vast community of different species. We're part of that community now. Our needs are on the agenda." That would suffice. He supposed he couldn't complain about the Council's reluctancy to believe him, their run arounds, their refusal to give him what he felt he needed to get the job done. All it would serve to do was stir up trouble.

"You've been given the command of an advanced human warship for your missions. Anything you'd like to say about that?"

Shepard nodded. "I'm afraid I can't say much about that."

"So you can't say whether or not you think it's a mistake to hand our most advanced warship over to the Council, especially when the rumor is you're tracking down a rogue SpecTRe of all things? Commander Shepard the people of Earth want to know just who is defending them. And there are concerns now that some of your crew may be alien. What do you have to say to all of this?"

Shepard narrowed his eyes. It was clear to him now that she had an agenda. "Ms. Al-Jilani, I'm not gonna stand here and justify your insinuations that are based on nothing more than vague rumor. I can't and won't comment on what my current assignment may or may not be and I don't have patience for tabloid gadflies trying to pass themselves off as real journalists. Excuse me." He walked off coolly and headed for a room that appeared to be less crowded. He wasn't angry, just annoyed. Did the public really think he was a puppet? He shook it off. He didn't give a shit what they thought. He only cared about getting the job done.

The room was thankfully empty. Shepard walked to the middle of it and took a deep breath. It was then that he noticed the woman standing near him. He turned to her. "Oh," He started. "I'm sorry. I didn't see you there."

The immaculately dressed Asian woman smiled coyly at him. "Not a problem," she said simply and she exited through the door Shepard had just entered through. He wasn't sure how he could have missed her. He must have been more angry than he thought at al-Jilani.

"Hey there media darling," Shepard turned to see Gianna. She had her arms crossed. "Jeez I leave you alone for two minutes and you alienate an entire classless fan base?" She laughed and patted his shoulder. "You're fast, Shepard."

He couldn't help but smile and shake his head. "I'm efficient, Gianna. You want the job done right, call me." He looked at her. "Any luck with your hundred year old stud out there?"

She beamed at him. "Actually yes. It's amazing really. All I had to do was stand near him and I got everything I needed and more."

"More?"

"It's unbelievable. It's almost as if someone disabled every firewall and security measure on his network. I can't believe the stuff that's sitting on my omni-tool right now. It's kind of turning me on in fact."

"Think someone else was trying to hack him?"

"Who cares?" Gianna said loudly, scoffing. "As long as I got what I need. Which reminds me we should probably get out of here."

Shepard smiled. "Way ahead of you." He motioned for the door. "Ladies first."

She nodded. "Commander. You up for hitting the nearest bar?"

* * *

"I think he sounded fine," Ashley said just before she took her shot of whiskey. She and Alenko were in the mess watching the news and a short interview with Shepard had come on. She opted to leave out her opinion on how knee bucklingly handsome he looked in his suit. "I would have punched her myself."

"You would have." Kaidan took his shot. "Luckily Shepard has some restraint."

Ash smiled and stuck her tongue out at Kaidan. "I have restraint."

Kaidan chuckled. "You have none."

Ash was playfully offended. "I do too! For example, I'd like to slug you for that comment but I won't." She pointed at herself. "Restraint." She took another swig.

Kaidan looked at the screen. "Must be hard," he mused. "For Shepard I mean. Going from grunt to a kind of celebrity overnight. He's under enough pressure as it is you know?"

Ash nodded her agreement. "As if being jerked around by the Council, heading a mission to save the entire world isn't pressure enough now he's got to deal with tabloid reporters and fancy parties?"

"And paternity claims."

Ash nearly choked on her whiskey. "What now?"

"Just rumors," Kaidan responded. "Shepard is the subject of a lot of them lately." He paused and took a deep breath before turning to Ash. She made a face, unsure of what he was going to say next. "It would be pretty easy for someone to start rumors about people on the ship too you know. Especially in relation to Shepard."

Ash's stomach turned a little. She wasn't sure if it was the whiskey or Kaidan's comment. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Look I'm just saying…" He paused too long again.

"Kaidan you suck at just saying. Just say it."

"Okay look I know you and Shepard are… close." He put his hand up before she could protest. "And I'm not insinuating anything. I'm not even suggesting that the two of you have ever engaged in any inappropriate behavior."

"Good because we haven't!" Ash cut him off.

"But," he continued. "It wouldn't be difficult for someone to start…. Rumors." Ash shrank back in her chair. "I know how important your career is to you. So just make the extra effort to seem… not as friendly."

Ash felt sick. She had been doing just that. She barely looked at or spoke with Shepard outside of missions or the occasional friendly banter. She knew she hadn't been obvious. Curse Kaidan for being so damned observant. And he was right. If someone on the ship felt like spreading a little juicy gossip they wouldn't have to reach far to blow Shepard and Ashley's interactions out of the water. That would be bad. Even if they weren't involved romantically, which technically they weren't, just the idea of it would bring scrutiny by their superiors.

Finally, she nodded. "Thanks for lookin' out, L.T." He nodded back and poured them both a shot.

* * *

Gianna emerged from the bar bathroom, shoeless and carrying her strapless bra, which she then plopped down on the bar on top of her purse. Shepard raised an eyebrow as she sat.

"What. It was chafing." She smiled.

"Got you a beer," Shepard nodded to the pint of amber colored liquid in front of her. He had one identical in front of him. "You missed the stunning five minute expose on the news that paints me as a traitor to my species." He nodded to the vid screen behind the bar.

"Oh I'm sure it's not that bad." Gianna's face fell. "I'm sorry I dragged you there."

"Don't worry about it." Shepard undid the first couple of clasps on his suit, letting it fall open casually. It felt like it was starting to choke him.

"No really. I want you to know how much I appreciate this. Thank you, Shepard." She paused. "I'd offer you sex but… my feet hurt."

A surprisingly free laugh came from Shepard as he leaned forward on the bar. "Rain check then," he joked. He liked Gianna. She seemed easy to talk to. "So what made you decide to get into this line of work anyway?" he asked.

Gianna sipped her beer. "Came from poor family, small town. Really needed to get out and get successful and never look back. In short…the money was great. What about you? What made you in a soldier?"

"Runs in the family I guess," Shepard sipped his beer. "Just always seemed like that was what I would do. Never really considered anything else."

"Well to be honest I'm not sure I can picture you as pop star or politician or paper pusher."

"Yeah me neither." Shepard sighed. "Guess I was just born for it." Gianna's chuckle was interrupted by the beep of Shepard's omni tool. He looked down at it and his stomach dropped right out. He looked up at Gianna. "I have to go," he said and stood.

"Why?" She asked.

"Sorry to cut this short, Gianna. Gotta run." He smiled. "I'll see you around."

"See you around," she waved as he turned to leave. "Hey Shepard." He turned back to her. "Thanks again. I owe you a beer."

Shepard grinned and headed out of the bar, heading straight for the Citadel Tower.

The Council wanted to meet with him.


	18. To Hold the Line

**Chapter 18: To Hold the Line**

Joker's eyes creaked open slowly. He lay staring at the bottom of the bunk over top of him for a moment before noticing a stirring in the bunk next to his. He turned his head, finding Ashley there. She looked to be dreaming restlessly. Not wanting to sit up just yet he just stared groggily as her slight writhing gave way to a small whimper and some heavy breathing. He raised an eyebrow. For just a second he could have sworn she was having some kind of sexy dream and then he saw her face. It looked strained, painful, upset. He noticed then that her face, arms and chest glistened with sweat. He sat up slowly with a thoughtful look on his face. He looked around. No one else seemed to be seeing or hearing it as they were all passed out in the dimly lit room.

The bunks were very close together so it didn't take much of a stretch for Joker to casually hover over her. As he considered waking her, her eyes popped open with a gasp. He jumped slightly as her eyes frantically searched her surroundings, finally landing on him. He suddenly felt very creepy.

"What are you doing?" She asked accusingly, here eyebrows setting into their no nonsense position.

"Nothing," He responded. "You were havin' a nightmare or something. I was about to wake you." He rubbed at his beard and leaned back, taking his eyes off of hers.

She seemed to realize then the amount of sweat on her body and shook her head. "I... what did I say? Anything?" She wiped her forehead and looked at her hand, making a face as she looked at the amount of sweat that she removed.

Joker shook his head. "Nope. Just whimpering and thrashing. What the hell were you dreaming about?"

She thought for a moment and then a flash of something, maybe sadness flickered over her face before she snapped back to her normal pokerfaced self. "Nothing. I don't remember." She narrowed her eyes. "Who's at the helm?" She was obviously changing the subject.

"Course is set for Virmire. Thought I'd grab some rack time. Probably take us another eight hours or so."

Commander Shepard had urgently called everyone back from liberty a few hours prior. He'd blustered in like a tornado and given the order to set a course for Virmire. He'd seemed energized, invigorated, recharged and ready to kick some ass. Joker knew Shepard had been frustrated with the Council so to see him raring to go was exciting. He didn't have to wait long for the explanation.

Shepard called a briefing and explained that the Council had been contacted by their Salarian tactical infiltration team on Virmire. They'd gone to investigate and had presumably found something noteworthy, though it was unclear what that was. Shepard explained that whatever message the team had tried to relay was scrambled and undecipherable, but it had come over the channel reserved for emergencies. No one knew what they would find when they got to Virmire, but everyone was dying to find out. The news had set a charge under the crew. They finally felt like they were making some headway. Everyone seemed refreshed, even Freddie, the housekeeper, who seemed even more chipper than usual if that were possible, when Joker had seen her earlier.

Ashley sat up, discarded her sheet and then stood, her gray tank top and boy shorts clinging to her breasts and legs. Joker didn't even pretend to be a gentleman as he eyed her, but she didn't seem to notice. Something must have been really bothering her or she would have had his head for ogling her.

"Catch ya later," she said absently. She grabbed her small carrier of toiletries and headed out barefoot, presumably to the showers.

"Yeah," he responded. He felt a small wash of concern for her come over him and then it quickly changed to hunger. His stomach rumbled. He looked at the time. He figured he should probably get up anyway. He carefully stood and stretched up, yawning, hearing his bones creak. They felt good and rested, strong. He knew better of course, but it was nice to feel not so breakable once in a while.

After putting on his boots, he made his way to the mess. He needed coffee. It was dark in the mess and Joker could just barely make out someone sitting at the dining table. He flicked on the overhead lights and Kaidan recoiled like a vampire in the sun.

"Shit, could you turn that off please?" The calm question was about as panicked as Kaidan Alenko got, which was to say not at all. The guy's voice, even in combat had a smooth, relaxed cadence. Joker obliged the lieutenant and turned it out again. His eyes quickly adjusted to the warm amber glow of the soft light that remained. "Thanks" Kaidan sighed.

He sat down across from Kaidan, who was now holding his head. "Migraine?" Joker asked.

Kaidan nodded. "Yeah. Through the worst of it though. I'm willing it to subside before we touch ground."

Joker scoffed. "Everyone seems real anxious to get to Virmire."

Kaidan smiled. "Well things are looking up I guess. This tip is the best lead we've gotten in months. I just hope the salarian ground team can tell us more when we get there...if they're still there and alive..."

Joker yawned again and scratched his beard. He needed to trim it. "Think we'll find Saren there?"

"Maybe," Kaidan sighed. "Who knows what we'll find. We need to be ready for anything."

"That would be awesome. We could just put a few rounds in his leathery head and call it a day. Then we all go get drunk and get laid and live happily ever after."

Kaidan chuckled, wincing slightly at the obvious pain he was feeling. Joker didn't know how the guy did it. He figured it must be like having a permanent hangover. Joker was nearly useless when he was hung over and yet Kaidan always seemed to pull himself up by his boot straps and carry on. The guy was way more bad ass than most people realized. Not that Joker would ever admit that to him.

"That would be pretty great," Kaidan agreed. "Of course, then we'd still have the Reapers to deal with."

There was a part of Joker that he had to admit was still skeptical. "I dunno," he sighed. "What if the Reapers really are just some story from Saren? Some smoke screen..."

Kaidan stared at him hard. "You're kidding right?"

"Look I'm not saying they're not real," Joker was feeling defensive. "I trust Shepard and whatever crap was in that beacon and all that but you know... it's not like they've given us that much to go on." He shrugged. "I mean I'm on board 100% for the Reaper theory but the Council does have a point."

Kaidan seemed to concede. "I appreciate their situation," he said. Joker felt a but coming. "We haven't exactly provided them with hard proof other than Shepard's insistence and a few eyewitness accounts, mine included by the way. I mean I saw Sovereign on Eden Prime."

Joker shrugged. "I know, but…What if this Sovereign really is just a big ass ship made with crazy new-fangled Geth tech? I mean it's taking the word of Saren, some bat shit Matriarch, and an asari commando that spent god knows how long in some venus fly trap."

Kaidan shook his head. "No," he said sternly. "It's taking the word of Commander Shepard. We have to trust him. And I do."

Joker heard the unmistakable tone of a soldier defending his commanding officer. Joker couldn't blame him. He let the matter drop. "I do too...would be nice if he was wrong though..."

Kaidan managed a sad smile. "Yeah. Yeah it would be."

"Yeah," Joker repeated. They sat in silence for a moment before he couldn't take it anymore. "You want some coffee?"

Kaidan stood. "Nah. I'm gonna try to get a couple hours rest now that the headache is down.

"Good luck," Joker said after him. Kaidan responded with a backwards wave. "...Coffee..." Joker repeated and got back to work making himself a cup.

* * *

Kaidan's sleep was by no means restful. He dreamt. He rarely did, but this time it was vivid. A memory from his past swam its way into his mind and pictures of his time at BAaT clicked through like it was a slide show. Some of the memories were nice. He remembered some of the friends he'd made there and how close they all were. And he remembered Rhana. He was close to her too. Beautiful and smart, the two of them had talked and been affectionate. It was difficult to get any privacy on the space station so the two of them never got to spend any real time together, but he heard her laugh in his mind. At seventeen he had thought that maybe he had been in love.

He rarely thought of Rhana. She was a distant memory and he hadn't spoken to her in years. Not since he'd killed Vyrnus defending her. The images in his mind flashed then to images of the cruel Turian instructor they'd had. He was terrifying, heartless and quick to anger. The day he'd broken Rhana's arm was the day Kaidan had snapped. He didn't know what had come over him. Pure anger at this attack on the then cowering, sobbing Rhana. That he would intentionally hurt someone so gentle and good.

Few harsh, impulsive words had escaped Kaidan's mouth before Vyrnus began beating him mercilessly. He barely heard the audible gasps of his classmates over the growls of the turian and the hits that followed. He was sure that he'd heard his ribs crack, felt his jaw fracture. He couldn't breathe. One hit to his eye had caused a cut above it. It bled down his face. The beating had served to teach them all a lesson about submission, to pummel the defiance out of Kaidan. But it had an effect Vyrnus had not anticipated.

Rage.

With each kick, each rough, clawed fist to his face, Kaidan's blood boiled even hotter. In the instant Vyrnus pulled a knife from his boot and shoved it in Kaidan's face, everything turned to black for a moment. He was sure Vyrnus meant to kill him. In his memory, Kaidan could even smell the Turian's breath as he snarled in his face. In a flash, every bit of strength Kaidan had manifested itself in a blue glow and with a fierce growl he unleashed a full on biotic kick to the side of Vyrnus' head. It hit hard, hard enough that Kaidan thought he might have broken his foot. But that was not the sickening crack he heard. He watched as Vyrnus' face went slack and he fell lifeless to the floor.

Unsure of what he had just done, Kaidan stood still seething, his breath haggard and harsh at he stared at the turian with undiluted hate and clenched fists. After a few seconds he heard one of his classmates yelp "oh my god you killed him!"

Finally, Kaidan glanced around the room at the faces of his disturbed classmates. They held not sympathy for Vyrnus; no one could, but fear. The fear in their eyes as they looked at Kaidan was as sobering as anything. He blinked and his anger disappeared. In an instant he realized what he'd done and felt sick to his stomach. He sat then on the floor, head in his hands as silence filled the room. When he looked up to Rhana the look on her face was unreadable. Fearful. Surprised. Angry. He would never forget that face.

Later she'd cried to him, couldn't understand how he could have done it. Even as he explained he was protecting her he realized that he had done nothing but hurt her. The gentle girl now felt responsible for the death of a person and that was a pain Kaidan would never be able to take away from her no matter how hard he tried.

They didn't talk much after that. And several days later the whole operation was discontinued. All the kids were sent home to their parents. He had expected there to be some sort of punishment, but the only instructions he got from the men in suits involved keeping everything quiet.

Ever since then, Kaidan had kept a tight rein on his emotions. Getting emotional meant getting angry and getting angry meant someone could get hurt. In the years that followed BAaT, Kaidan had struggled to find a place, a life to fit into. One day the Alliance had shown up and it was then he realized it was his only real option. With a new found sense of discipline and duty, he had decided the Alliance would provide him with an opportunity to be useful. All Kaidan had ever wanted in life was to do good. And he had found that role with the Alliance.

The dream ended, mercifully. It had been a long time since the entire thing had played out in his mind.

* * *

Liara clasped her wrist guard in place. Her stomach fluttered. She was nervous for this mission and didn't know why. It seemed like any other mission, though this one seemed to have so much at stake. She glanced at Williams, who was pulling her hair back in a tighter bun. Liara had often been curious about human hair. She wondered if it had any nerve endings or feeling to it or if it just hung there. She'd read once that technically it wasn't alive the way skin was, but she'd also heard that human women liked to have their hair touched. It was all very confusing, though she didn't see herself asking Williams' opinion on it anytime soon.

Williams had a tired face this day. Her eyes looked distant, somewhat haunted. Liara spoke before she could stop herself, a habit that sadly she seemed incapable of breaking.

"Are you all right?" Liara asked her. Williams seemed to be a little surprised by the question and her focus was snapped back from wherever it had been. Her big brown eyes seemed to search Liara for some ulterior motive. Finding none, they relaxed.

She seemed confused. "Um... yeah I'm fine. I'm good. Why?"

Liara shook her head. "You just...seem...tired..."

"I'm fine." Williams said very matter of factly. In lieu of pursuing the questioning, Liara decided a thin lipped smile and refocusing on her boot clasps was the right way to go. She did so and was surprised when Williams continued to talk. "I just didn't sleep well is all," she explained, not looking at Liara.

"Neither did I," Liara consoled just a little. This prompted Williams to look at her.

She smiled, just a little. "Guess everyone is a little amped, huh?"

Liara nodded. "I suppose that is the case. Everyone seems re-energized, particularly Shepard. It is nice to see him so… invigorated." Liara had noticed an immediate change in Shepard's demeanor when he'd called them all to the CIC earlier. His entire energy was positively vibrating. Stoic as ever, but just barely hiding his anxiousness he'd explained everything. Liara couldn't help but smile at him. He'd caught it and even smiled back when no one was looking. It was a small moment for them, but one Liara had been thinking of.

She had made the decision to tell him how she felt about him. She had worked up the nerve, even practiced what she would say so she wouldn't seem too awkward. But the new intel had derailed her plan. Now was not the time to express her feelings. There would be time for it later, hopefully before she lost her nerve.

Ashley's eyes moved to their Commander and Liara noticed the change in them as she looked at him. There was a subtle affection in them for a short moment before she looked to her waist and clasped her pistol to it.

"He's always invigorated," Ashley said. "It's why we follow him." There was a loud click as she adjusted her armor.

"Well yes I know," Liara added. "I simply meant that he has so much to juggle on a daily basis it is no wonder he's seemed…. Overburdened."

Ashley shrugged. "He's got broad shoulders."

Liara spoke again, even as her brain told her not to. "Yes but… the responsibility he has-"

"I think he can handle it." Ashley interrupted, rather harshly. She stared at Liara and Liara simply nodded and went back to her preparations.

The entire team was gathered, suiting up as Shepard strode over with purpose toward the group. Everyone's attention landed on him as he did. He had that effect on people, Liara thought. You simply could not ignore his presence, even if you wanted to.

"Listen up," He commanded. "We're about to enter orbit. We've located the Salarian base but still haven't been able to contact them. We're picking up multiple heavy targets. "He shook his head. "Place is defensible as all hell, heavy turrets, barricades. Whatever Saren has been up to he's protecting it with everything he's got." He grabbed his assault rifle and strapped it to his back. "We gotta go in under the radar in the Mako, take out the ground defenses before the Normandy can get to the camp." He pointed with two fingers. "Wrex, Williams, Liara, you're with me in the Mako. I anticipate ground troops so stay alert and trigger happy." If anyone had questions, no one said anything. Liara noticed everyone else simply nodding. He looked to Alenko, Tali and Garrus. "Once we're down I'm gonna need everyone so get ready to go."

"Aye aye," Alenko responded.

"You got it, Shepard." Garrus voiced, a bit more enthusiastically than anticipated.

"Yes sir," Tali nodded.

"All right let's get it done." Shepard's voice was gruff and focused. As soon as he finished the command everyone hopped to it. Liara, Wrex, Williams and Shepard climbed into the Mako and strapped in for the ride. With Williams in the driver's seat, Liara made doubly sure her harness was tight. Much like her way of communicating Williams was an aggressive driver when they were planet-side. She much would have preferred her manning the cannon as she was a good shot… and somewhat bloodthirsty.

Wrex squeezed himself into the cannon seat and strapped in. He grumbled. "Need bigger seats."

"You've been saying that for months now, Wrex" Williams smiled and hit a few buttons in preparation. "It's time to let it go." Wrex grumbled something undecipherable in response.

"Joker," Shepard touched his comm. "Gimme a time frame."

"Comin' up on the drop point now, Commander. Should be an easy in. Then I'll get out of there and you can do your thing."

"All right, let's go." Shepard turned to Williams. "Try not to kill us on the way down, Chief." Liara watched as the cargo bay doors opened and a bright daylight bathed the Mako.

"Oh ye of little faith," Williams smirked and then she hit the thruster and hurled them out of the Normandy toward the ground below. Liara was sure her stomach had been left on the Normandy and now they plummeted at a shaky angle. She closed her eyes as the landing thrusters kicked on and they hit the ground surprisingly gently. "Anyone else have a comment?" Williams gloated.

"Focus, Ash." Shepard shook his head. "Nice landing."

"Thank you, sir."

Liara let out a breath she had been holding during the ten second drop and closed her eyes just long enough to catch her breath. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

* * *

Pockets of Geth swarmed on the Mako as they made their way through the lush, tropical, water logged terrain. Wrex had begun counting just how many he could pick off at a time with the cannon. He boomed with a laugh every time a group of them went flying on fire. Williams had gotten into the spirit by running a few over, the crunch and twisting of synthetic bodies music to his own ears. Liara clearly didn't have the stomach for brutal warfare, though he had to admit she held her own in a fight pretty well. Her biotics were formidable even if her aim wasn't the best he'd seen.

Shepard was mostly quiet the whole time, looking ahead, no doubt planning in his mind. As the last Geth from this particular squad fell, the quiet was deafening. Williams plowed forward in the Mako, driving through what seemed to be an endless puddle. The climate on Virmire was moist and warm. Wrex could just tell it would make him crankier than usual. He hated humidity. And sand. And looking around there was a lot of both.

"Coming up on the first barricade," Williams said. Wrex looked. A few hundred yards in front of them stood a giant wall with the passages through it shut up tight. He squinted at the tower next to it.

"There's one of the AA guns," he rumbled. "Another on the other side."

"Looks like we'll have to do some of this on foot," Liara said.

"Good," Wrex scoffed. "I'm damn cramped back here. Let's get out and get in a real fight."

Shepard was looking straight ahead. "Williams get as close as you can. We'll take out the first wave with the Mako, then we'll jump out on my signal."

"You got it, Commander." Williams lurched the vehicle forward toward their uncounted enemies. It didn't take long for the Geth to notice them. Several rounds bounced off of the Mako's shield as they went on. Wrex casually took aim, calibrated the best spot to blast and fired the canon at one of the smaller barricades, sending five, no six geth aflame and flying. He chuckled. Most people thought war was hell. Wrex considered it a hobby.

"Williams get me in on the left," Wrex said. He felt the entire vehicle swerve violently as she got it into position and then Wrex started picking off several Geth on the ridge of the wall one by one with the turret gun. They were close to the wall now so the mounted gun would become useless.

Shepard noticed. "Everyone out!" he barked. He kicked the door open and they filed out, landing in calf high water with a splash. They advanced to the staircase easily, Shepard in the lead, his assault rifle ready. With military precision they advanced to the main level. A single Geth appeared and before Wrex could even blink Williams had taken it out with a short burst of fire. One thing he could say for her – she didn't hesitate.

Another rounded the corner and Wrex got in close with a shotgun blast, causing the enemy go flailing backwards over the edge and down to the water.

"I found the control room!" Liara shouted. They made their way carefully down the corridor toward the room. Wrex didn't like not having cover on either side. In the control room he saw something scurry out of the corner of his eye.

"Stalker!" he yelled and aimed. His shot was too slow. The insect like Geth was leaping from vantage point to vantage point, firing a shot of two off with each move. Wrex watched as a round hit the wall next to Shepard. Shepard flinched a little, then fired at the synthetic creep, missing by an inch or two. He heard both Liara and Williams let out yells as they dove behind whatever was closest, narrowly avoiding some rapid fire from the stalker. Wrex had had enough. "Screw this!" he growled. He charged toward the geth and felt several rounds hit his shields, felt a couple more hit his armor, but he was quick enough to get to the enemy and grab it before it got a chance to jump away. With a roar he gripped as hard as he could and pulled, finally separating the head area from the geth's body. As he let the mangled corpse fall to the ground at his feet, he turned to find his other three companions staring at him. "…..WHAT."

They all seemed to shrug and go back to the task at hand. He had no doubt surprised them with the brutal nature of his kill, but they would have to get used to it. Shepard chuckled. Wrex was really starting to like that guy.

After disabling the AA guns, the four of them headed back out, and after a couple more nearly identical fights, Shepard gave the go ahead to Joker to land at the Salarian camp. As they drove, they kept an eye out for more geth, but none showed.

"This planet is actually very beautiful," Liara mused.

"You would look at the scenery, Tsoni," Wrex accused.

"It's a shame it is always plagued with storms," she continued as if Wrex hadn't commented. "If it wasn't it might be a viable colony world for the Alliance."

"Uh, yeah," Williams rolled her eyes. "Because piles of geth are great for human colonies." She paused. "Actually yeah that sounds like exactly the kind of crap hole the Council would give to the Alliance to settle."

Liara's eyes hardened. "I was not saying that."

"Of course you weren't. You wouldn't understand. The council gives you Asari whatever the hell you want."

"That is not true!" Liara practically shouted.

Wrex interjected. "Can you both shut up? Don't even get me in this contest about who the Council treats shittier. I guarantee I'll win."

"That's enough! Shut up all of you." Shepard scolded.

The rest of the drive was silent to the Salarian camp.

* * *

Shepard squinted at the sun as he sloshed through the water to the beach. The Normandy was there and the rest of the crew was milling about, talking to each other. The Salarian camp was made up of a few dozen tents, a medic station and a payload of supplies. He walked toward Kaidan, who appeared to be speaking to one of the Salarians. Ash and Wrex followed while Liara headed towards Garrus and Tali. Kaidan turned as they walked up and greeted Shepard with a head nod. Shepard responded in kind, then looked at the wiry Salarian before him.

"You in charge here?" He asked.

The Salarian nodded. "I'm Captain Kirrahe, third infiltration regiment, STG. You and your crew have just entered into a hot zone. Every AA gun within ten miles has been alerted to your presence."

"We know," Shepard nodded. "We took enough out on the way here to get to you. Commander Shepard," he introduced. "What's the situation like here?"

Shepard listened as Kirrahe gave him the run down. The Salarian captain was more than a little disappointed that the reinforcements he'd sent for were so few. Kirrahe sighed and spoke again, informing Shepard that they'd found Saren's research base.

Shepard narrowed his eyes in thought. "Research lab. What exactly is he researching?"

Kirrahe cleared his throat, then took a deep breath. "He's using the facility to breed an army of Krogan."

It took a full second for Shepard to realize the implications of his words. It wasn't possible, was it? Breeding Krogan. The Genophage has made sure that it was nearly impossible for any Krogan to reproduce. Shepard was about to open his mouth to ask for an explanation when Wrex stepped up beside him.

"How is that possible?" Wrex asked.

Kirrahe addressed the gigantic Krogan. "Apparently Saren has found a cure for the genophage." Shepard looked to Wrex, who appeared to be processing the statement. He watched as Wrex looked down, thinking. Kirrahe continued. "Without the genophage the Krogan will multiply and run rampant across the galaxy. And these Krogan…follow Saren…"

Shepard quickly did the math. All the evils he had heard about the genophage, the genetic castration of an entire race. It had seemed so awful, like the Salarians had played God. He had never been comfortable with the idea of it, and now as he pictured history repeating, he admitted to himself that it would be a disaster, especially if the Krogan in question followed Saren.

"The Geth are bad enough," Shepard said. "With an army of Krogan…. Saren would be unstoppable…" He glanced to Wrex, who was still staring at the ground.

"Exactly my thought," Kirrahe said. "Which is why we must ensure that this facility and its secrets are destroyed."

Shepard saw Wrex's eye rise up again. "Destroyed?" He said. "I don't think so. Our people are dying. This cure could save them."

Shepard was about to speak when Kirrahe chimed in again. "Commander if that cure leaves this planet, the Krogan will become unstoppable. We can't make the same mistake again."

Wrex stepped forward and Shepard tensed for just a second until he realized Wrex wasn't attacking. He shoved a big meaty finger in Kirrahe's face.

"We are not a mistake," he growled in a voice that suggested more sadness than anything else. He stalked off down the beach.

"Is he going to be a problem?" Kirrahe accused. "We have enough angry Krogan to deal with."

Shepard put a hand up. "I'll talk to him."

"I would appreciate it." Kirrahe stepped away, leaving Ash and Kaidan with Shepard.

He turned to the two of them. Kaidan had a good poker face about the whole thing, but Ash looked a bit alarmed. She was looking down the beach at Wrex. Shepard glanced in the direction and then back to her.

"Oh man," She said. "The hell should we do about Wrex?"

Shepard sighed. "I guess I'll go talk to him. He's got to listen to reason, right?"

"If you say so," Ash said. "He looks like he's about to blow a gasket."

"Relax," Shepard reassured, though he wasn't sure he meant it. "He'll come around. I'm not about to ask nicely." He started to walk away, toward Wrex, then turned back to Ash. "Just…. Just be ready for anything." He hated to have to say that about any of his crew, but the fact was Wrex was a dangerous and unpredictable Krogan to begin with. And now he was as angry as he ever was.

Ash nodded. And Shepard made his way down the beach. He made sure his pistol was readily accessible just in case. As he approached, Wrex looked at him.

"This isn't right, Shepard," Wrex said. "If there's a cure for the genophage we can't destroy it."

Shepard stepped closer to him. "It's gonna happen Wrex. I'm sorry. I know you're upset, but this isn't the way. We both know Saren's the enemy."

"Is he?" Wrex stared into Shepard's eyes. "Saren created a cure for my people. You want to destroy it. Help me out here Shepard. The lines between friend and foe are getting a little blurry from where I stand."

"This isn't a cure, Wrex. It's a weapon. And if Saren is allowed to use it you won't be around to reap the benefits. None of us will."

"That's a chance we should be willing to take." He stepped forward threateningly. Shepard didn't move, but he could tell reason was quickly becoming irrelevant to Wrex. "This is the fate of my entire people we're talking about! And if you can't give me a better reason to destroy the hope of my entire people then I'm done with you."

That was it, the moment everything shifted. Shepard watched Wrex's weapon rise up and focus on him. In turn he brought his own weapon up. He wondered if this could end well. Shepard was suddenly very angry.

He stared into Wrex's eyes, his finger on the trigger, ready. "I won't let you jeopardize the mission." It was too important. It was the only thing that was important. Shepard thought that if he had to kill Wrex right then and there, he would. He had to be willing.

Wrex seemed almost hurt. "So that's it then. All this time watching your back and this is all I get from you."

"Put it down, Wrex." Shepard saw Ash approach out of the corner of his eye. Her pistol was trained on Wrex. "Don't give me a reason," she added.

They stood there, the three of them, Shepard's eyes on Wrex's. Shepard thought, and then Wrex spoke again. "How can you not see what this means for the Krogan? This base can't be destroyed. I won't allow it."

Shepard heard Ash's pistol click. He heard her voice again. "Wrex," she repeated. Wrex's attention went to Ashley, as did his weapon.

Shepard tensed again, squeezing the trigger slightly, fighting the urge to fire. Instead he put his weapon down. "Enough!" he said. He stepped between Wrex and Ash.

"Sir," Ash gasped.

He turned to her. "Put it down, Williams."

She shook her head. "No way."

"I said stand down!" He bellowed. "That's an order."

He met her eyes and hers told him she thought he was crazy, but she lowered her weapon just the same. He turned to Wrex, stepped toward him, and seared his glare into his eyes. "Now I am ordering you to put that weapon down and complete this mission." His voice got softer. "These Krogan are tools, Wrex. Slaves to be used and discarded. Is that what you want for your people?" He saw a flash of something flicker over Wrex's face.

"No," Wrex said quietly. "We were tools for the Council once. To thank us for wiping out the Rachni they neutered us all… I doubt Saren will be as generous." After a long few seconds of staring down Shepard, Wrex finally lowered his weapon. Shepard breathed an internal sigh of relief. "All right Shepard. You've made your point. I don't like this, but I trust you to enough to see this through. Just one thing. When we find Saren I want his head."

Shepard nodded. Wrex turned and stomped off again. Shepard turned to Ash. "Thanks for having my back."

She still looked shaken. "I thought I was gonna have to shoot him." She shook her head. "You think he'll still be a problem?"

Shepard considered it, then shook his head. "No. If he is I'll take care of it. In the meantime it's far better to have him on our side."

The started walking back toward Kaidan and the others who had all gathered after the incident with Wrex. Shepard chuckled, feeling the need to break the still tense air. "Isn't exactly the kind of stroll on the beach I would have had in mind for you and me."

Ash smiled. "Oh I dunno," she said. "Seems like a great date. Nice walk on the beach, blasting bad guys with my boom stick."

"Ha," Shepard deadpanned. They made their way to the group.

"How is Wrex?" Liara asked.

"He's with us," Shepard reassured.

"This must be difficult for him," Liara added.

"Forget that," There wasn't time for empathy or sensitivity right then. "Difficult is what we have here, what we're up against. Go get ready. I need to talk to Kirrahe." He walked toward the Captain. Ash and Kaidan followed.

Kirrahe thanked him and they talked about the coming assault on the base. Placing a bomb on the far end of the facility would essentially wipe everything out. It was the best idea, though the logistics were painful. Going in on foot would be a massacre. Kirrahe had a plan for that as well.

"I'm going to divide my men into three teams and hit the front of the facility. While we've got their attention you can sneak your 'Shadow' team in through the back."

Shepard nodded. It was a sound plan, but casualties would be high. He ransacked his brain for another option. Finding none, he responded. "It's a good plan, but your people are gonna get slaughtered."

Kirrahe hesitated for a moment and Shepard's eyebrow raised. Whatever was next wouldn't be pleasant. He was right. "We're tougher than we look Commander. But it's true. I don't expect many of us will make it out alive. And that makes what I'm about to ask even more difficult. I need one of your people to accompany me to help coordinate the teams."

And there it was, the bottom dropping out. Whoever Shepard sent would have the odds of survival stacked against them. He knew it, they would all know it, but it would have to be done to facilitate communication and teamwork. They would need someone with knowledge of Alliance military protocols, which automatically excluded everyone but Ashley and Kaidan. Shepard shut his eyes for a second to think. He opened them again when Ashley spoke.

"I don't know the first thing about arming a nuke. Looks like I draw Salarian duty." Shepard looked at her and she shrugged. She seemed remarkably calm and ready to go. Shepard wasn't nearly as ready to let her. His stomach turned as he realized he didn't have a choice.

"All right," he finally forced himself to say. "You'll go with Kirrahe."

"Yes sir."

He locked eyes with her and spoke quietly. "Keep it simple. Understood?" She nodded her understanding and it took all his will to tear himself away from her brown eyes. "I mean it. Don't do anything stupid."

She smiled. "Wouldn't do anything you wouldn't' do, Skipper."

He couldn't help but let the corner of his mouth turn up just a little. "Just watch your ass okay?"

"You too."

In no time they were ready to go. Shepard watched as the Salarians each went their different ways, Ash with Kirrahe. And then she was gone. He gathered up Tali, Garrus, Wrex, Liara and Kaidan and set out in an opposite direction, a sense of dread filling his gut.


	19. The Sacrifices of Soldiers

**Chapter 19 – The Sacrifices of Soldiers**

A burst of fire and several dull metallic clanks accentuated the fall of the geth directly in front of Shepard. He paused to listen. The fire had stopped. He glanced to Kaidan, who was listening as well, and then to the rest of his team. He motioned for them to hold. Something didn't feel right. Even though the only sound he now heard was the lapping of the water against the legs of his armor his gut told him the squad of geth they'd just taken out wasn't completely down. He looked at Garrus, used two fingers to point to his own eyes, and then motioned for him to advance to the next bit of cover. Garrus did, quickly and after a moment he spoke.

"One more, Shepard" he said quietly. "Looks like a sniper on the ridge up on ten o clock."

In all the years that Shepard had been in firefights, his gut had never steered him wrong. "I'll lay some suppressing fire. You take him out."

"You got it, Shepard."

Shepard gave him a few seconds. Everyone was alert, very still, ready to move if they needed. Liara and Wrex watched the rear of their cover, which wasn't much of a cover other than some boulders just out of the line of the geth's fire. Shepard thrust his arms up over top of the rock, assault rifle in hands and blindly fired up the rock face wall at precisely ten o clock. It was enough to get the sniper's attention and Shepard heard two shots followed immediately by the whizzing sound as they struck the rock above him. He heard a third shot from Garrus' direction and then the echo.

"One less to worry about," Garrus confirmed.

"Move it," Shepard said simply. They'd already taken out a couple small squads of geth on their way to the base. The radio chatter of the three Salarian teams seemed to indicate they were dealing with much more fire at the front of the base. He could hear it echoing through the stone walls from various directions. Every few moments he'd hear Kirrahe's voice over the radio coordinating his teams. And he would hear the other team leaders responding. And a few times he heard Ash. Every time he heard her there was a tiny feeling of relief that hit him. Luckily he didn't have time to think about it. "We have to get to that comm link."

They moved out quickly, heading toward the comm satellite toward the rear of the base. Destroying it would hopefully disrupt Geth communications at the base. They found it fairly easily and moved toward it efficiently.

"Clear," Wrex said. After a quick sweep it was determined there were no hostiles in the immediate vicinity.

Shepard looked to Tali. "Do it."

Tali moved quickly and energetically to the control panel on the comm link. After a few seconds of beeps, clicks and whirrs and one or two curses in her own language, she looked to Shepard. "It's done."

"That should give the Salarians the upper hand," Garrus smiled.

Shepard clenched his jaw. "Not yet. We have to get inside that facility and fast." They were running out of time. Every second they weren't in the facility was a second the Salarian teams had way too much heat on them. They hadn't encountered much resistance at the rear of the base. At least the distraction was working. He'd heard Kirrahe order his men to advance and then even give ground. They were doing their damndest to keep the Geth occupied. Shepard had to make every moment count. They double timed it until they could see the facility, looming before them.

"We've got company," Kaidan warned and pointed to the small squad of Geth taking cover on the entrance platform. "Krogan," Kaidan also pointed out. There were two Krogan with this squad. Shepard wondered if they were ones that had been bred or altered somehow, but looking at them he could see long healed scars on their faces. Just mercs for hire. He glanced at Wrex, who was already moving to take out the enemies. The situation on the beach could have been bad. Shepard had a new appreciation for how much Wrex genuinely wanted to help his people. He wasn't like these hired Krogan. He understood purpose.

Shepard and his squad worked well together. They were efficient. They stuck to the plan and they understood how Shepard worked. He fell into his almost meditative battle mode, felt the kick and sting of his rifle as he shot at his enemies, felt the satisfaction when they fell. The air smelled like gunfire and electricity. That was what he always thought biotics smelled like, like the air after a burst of lightning - charged, potentially deadly. He watched as one Krogan went flying, slamming into a wall and falling to the ground like a doll. He wasn't sure if was Liara or Kaidan or even Wrex that had done it.

The Geth were almost down. They'd almost taken them out when he heard Tali yelp with the unmistakable surprise of pain behind him. He whipped his head around in time to see her fall, clutching her side. She was out of cover now, vulnerable. Shepard continued firing as he looked to Kaidan. "Kaidan!" he yelled. Kaidan was closest to her. Shepard lay down a massive burst of suppressing fire as Kaidan bolted from his own cover. He stopped at Tali long enough to get a good grip on her, then pulled her roughly from the line of fire and behind a boulder.

Soon the gunfire was quiet again. After a quick assessment of their position Shepard ran to Kaidan and Tali. Liara was there now too, cradling Tali's head in her lap. Shepard motioned for Wrex and Garrus to keep an eye out with a swirl of his hand. He knelt down. He could see the spreading pattern of blood just under her ribcage. Kaidan was putting pressure on it. To Shepard's relief Tali let out a pain filled groan. At least she was still alive.

Unprompted, Kaidan spoke. "I can't tell how bad it is but it doesn't look good. Not only is she bleeding but with the suit rupture she's in real danger of infection." He rooted around in Tali's hip pack on her armor, finally pulling out her dose of coagulating agent. Kaidan injected it into her side with a hiss and she yelped. Shepard couldn't see her face through her dark face plate but he could tell it was contorted in pain. Liara rubbed Tali's shoulder, a small comfort in a sea of excruciating agony.

"Can we move her?" He asked. He was answered with a whimper from Tali.

Tali growled and seemed to pull herself together. "Just give me a bandage..." She tried to sit up, an act which all three of them immediately moved to counter. Shepard had to smile just a little at her heroic gesture, but he knew she was out of the fight.

"Tali you won't even be able to stay on your feet," Kaidan said. He injected her with what Shepard assumed was a painkiller.

"I can-..." Tali began, but then she collapsed back, clearly frustrated. She turned her head to Shepard. "I'm sorry, Shepard." She said.

He touched her shoulder. "Just take it easy." They were wasting time. "There an open area about 30 yards back," he said. "Big enough for the Normandy to make a pick up."

"I can get her there," Liara volunteered.

Shepard looked at Liara and nodded. "Okay. Just be careful. Radio Joker when you're sure it's clear and tell him to get his ass down here." She nodded back at him.

With some effort, all three of them were able to get Tali to her feet. She leaned most of her weight on Liara, though she was trying her damndest not to be a burden. The two of them started off on the arduous journey of a few dozen yards as Shepard turned to the others and motioned for them to move out.

At the entrance to the base, Kaidan got to work on their security. Shepard knew he wasn't as skilled as Tali at hacking, but he knew his way around it. It would take a bit longer. He kept his eyes peeled as Kaidan went to work.

"I'm in," Kaidan said sooner than Shepard would have thought. "I have access to the base's security. I can set off alarms on the other side and draw their defenses there, but it might be too much for the Salarian teams to handle."

"We're two down now," Garrus piped in. "We'll need all the access we can get."

Wrex stomped up casually. "What's the matter, Vakarian? Afraid of a few extra hostiles? I say bring it on."

"Stay alert, both of you!" Shepard barked. "Kaidan, don't bother with the alarms. We can handle anything inside. Kirrahe and his men have enough problems."

"You got it, Commander." Kaidan exited the security program after unlocking the door in front of them.

Shepard led them to the doorway, knowing full well a small army would be waiting behind it. He narrowed his eyes. "Come on."

* * *

Ash had no idea that Salarian blood was green. But now it was all over her armor. Just a second ago, the Salarian sharing her cover had stuck his head up to fire and taken a round to the face. The spray had hit her helmet and chest and gotten on her face, below her visor. And now as she continued to fire, her trigger finger practically numb with how constantly she'd been using it, she realized she didn't even know the man's name. She didn't know any of them except for Kirrahe and she only knew the names of the other team leaders because of the radio chatter.

She popped up to fire a few rounds into a Geth and as she did she heard her radio crackle with her name. She couldn't hear over all the gunfire. She thought it was maybe Kirrahe's voice saying her name.

"Didn't copy that!" She yelled into her comm. "Repeat, I did not copy."

"Enemies flanking on your left!" It had been Kirrahe. He's seen something she and the group of a dozen or so Salarians she was with had not.

"Copy!" She moved to the group and signaled to them. "Left flank! Left flank! Suppressing Fire!" She was spun around and landed hard on the ground. Her shoulder had been hit, she didn't know how badly. She glanced at it. It had appeared to hit her armor at just enough of an angle that it glanced off of it, but the impact had still left a hard indent and her shoulder felt like it might be fractured. She hopped to her feet quickly with a grunt of pain as she and the squad took out the advancing enemies. Her nose burned from the weapons discharges. It was a full on war zone.

"Grenade!" Someone yelled. She saw it, just a few yards away. She hit the deck and covered like the rest of them as shrapnel exploded and rained down on them, plinking against their armors.

"Williams," It was Kirrahe. "We're advancing. The rest of the men will hold the line here. We need to secure the AA tower!"

"Copy that!" She looked at the men behind her. "Let's move!" They followed her as they all quickly pushed forward as much as they could without getting shot. The two other teams were doing a good job at keeping the Geth forces distracted. They really were tougher than they looked. When she'd volunteered to go with them, she'd had no expectations. It wasn't that she thought they were incapable. They were proving to be anything but. It was that she knew they were the distraction, the chum in the water, waiting for the sharks. It didn't bother her as much as she thought it should. In the last hour or two she had come to terms far too easily with the idea of dying. She didn't know why. It was almost as if a higher power had told her today was the day. And if it was, she was going out with everything she had and absolutely no fear.

She met up with Kirrahe at a side entrance to the base. In all, their squad had fifteen.

Kirrahe touched his comm. "Shepard, this is Kirrahe."

After a second or two of static, Ash heard Shepard's voice in her ear. "This is Shepard. We're in and making our way to the breeding facility. We can handle the flack in here so get your men out of there."

"Affirmative," Kirrahe said. "Williams and I are taking a small squad to the AA tower to cut off enemy reinforcements and ensure they can't get their guns back online."

"Got it. Found some of your men."

"Alive?"

Ash heard Shepard pause. "No," he said. "I'm sorry." Ash watched Kirrahe's face fall. He'd mentioned earlier that some of his men had gone missing. She wondered what they could have possibly wanted with prisoners. She thought she probably didn't want to find out.

"Thank you, Commander. I'll tell the remaining team to fall back to the Normandy's position and send of few of them to the bomb site just in case you need them."

"Copy that." Shepard responded. "Williams, how you holdin' up?"

Ash almost smiled "Holdin' Sir."

"Good. See you in a bit." The comm chirped out.

She looked to Kirrahe. He nodded at her, then addressed the rest of his squad. "Come on men! They're counting on us!"

Ash readied her weapon and got ready for another fight.

* * *

Kaidan was exhausted. His arms were shaking. By the time they'd taken out the AA guns and fought their way in he felt like he going to collapse. But he knew he couldn't. His biotics had been invaluable in getting their small team through. Hordes of Geth and Krogan had descended like roaches upon them and it was Kaidan that had kept them at bay, tossing entire groups of them aside in the fray. He was pushing himself to his limits. The power he'd shown today was like nothing he'd projected before. Kaidan was a force to be reckoned with this day. He only hoped it would end soon. They were nearing the finale of their mission. They had stumbled upon what they soon learned was Saren's private offices. A terrified Asari scientist had explained to them where they were and begged them not to kill her.

She'd also said something else. Indoctrination. It was starting to make sense to Kaidan now. It was mind control, essentially. People exposed to Sovereign became instruments of the Reapers. It would explain why an otherwise sane Saren would be so hell bent on bringing their return. It would explain why a respected Matriarch would attack even her own daughter. Shepard said she'd mentioned the indoctrination on Noveria and that was clearly the case of the unfortunate Salarians they'd discovered in the cells on the ground floor of the facility.

They were Kirrahe's men. They'd let them out and they'd immediately attacked. Shepard and the others had to defend themselves. They'd killed them. No one took it well. He could see Shepard replaying it in his head, trying to figure out if there had been another way, but he knew there hadn't been. Kirrahe's men were indoctrinated. They'd attacked. That was that. It didn't make it easier. Shepard had taken it particularly hard and Kaidan now saw the hard edge in his jaw as he glared at the Asari scientist, weighing her fault in all of it.

"I'm gonna blow this place to hell and gone. If you wanna live you'd better start running."

The Asari's eyes widened. "But...But I'll never...You can't..." She gasped as she ran frantically from the room. Kaidan knew that the odds of her surviving a nuclear blast were slim, even if she started running now. He knew that Shepard knew that too. Shepard could be a cold man when he needed to be, something Kaidan knew he could never do. Without another word they boarded the elevator to Saren's lab. It was a slight detour from the plan of attack, but a necessary one. Who knew what they would discover.

Shepard paced in the elevator impatiently. "Come on..." He grumbled as the elevator ascended too slowly for his liking. He turned to them. "When we're in there fan out and glance around for any useful information. I don't want to waste too much time in there."

"Aye aye," Kaidan said. Wrex and Garrus both nodded.

The door opened and the four of them fanned out of it quickly, weapons drawn. Something caught Kaidan's attention out of the corner of his eye. When he focused his gaze on it he realized what it was. "Shepard," he said. Shepard walked up to him. "It's a beacon like the one on Eden Prime." Kaidan stared at the green, glowing spire as Shepard slowly made his way toward it. As they approached, Kaidan felt strange. The air in the room surrounding the beacon was different, like it had been on Eden Prime. It made the hair on his arms stand up.

"A Prothean beacon," Wrex said.

"Anyone else's teeth feel weird?" Garrus asked. No one answered. They all just moved closer.

"Careful, Shepard," Kaidan said, remembering what happened last time. He decided not to get any closer. Shepard seemed intent on doing so. He made his way to the console and hit a few buttons, a strange look on his face. Kaidan wondered how Shepard was even able to discern what the symbols meant. After a few key strokes, the beacon hummed to life and the glow intensified.

Kaidan took a step back, prompting Garrus and Wrex to do so as well. In an instant, Shepard was lifted a few feet up in the air, just as he was on Eden Prime. His face contorted with pain. Kaidan fought the urge to do something, anything but he knew this is what Shepard wanted. Whatever it was that compelled him to engage this beacon, Kaidan wasn't questioning it. They had learned so much from the first one.

After a moment, the light from the beacon faded and Shepard fell to the ground, crouched and holding his head. Kaidan had half expected the beacon to explode. He rushed to Shepard's side and knelt down next to him. "Commander?"

Shepard shook his head and stood slowly. "Yeah. I'm fine." He wobbled a little, then straightened up. "I'm good."

Next to them a hologram came to life. It was a likeness of the ship Sovereign they'd seen before. It glowed red, looking angry. They approached it as is began to speak.

"You are not Saren," it said. It had a voice. This ship had a voice. And it was speaking to them. "Rudimentary creatures of blood and flesh. You touch my mind, fumbling in ignorance. Incapable of understanding."

"What the..." Garrus said quietly.

Shepard moved closer to the image. Kaidan's stomach turned with the realization that Shepard voiced a second later. "Sovereign isn't just some Reaper ship Saren found...It's an actual Reaper." While disturbing, Kaidan felt like it was something they already knew.

Sovereign continued. "Reaper. A label given by the Protheans to give voice to their destruction. In the end, what they chose to call us is irrelevant. We simply are."

So it was true. All of it. Everything Shepard had said about the Protheans being wiped out by the Reapers 50,000 years ago. Kaidan realized he hadn't wanted to really believe it. He thought back to his conversation with Joker. Neither of them had wanted to. The fear that settled in his gut now was the reason why. He listened to the glowing image explain that organic life was nothing but a mistake, that he and the rest of the Reapers would wipe them all out just like they did with the Protheans.

"There's an entire galaxy of beings ready to stand together to fight you." Shepard said, though Kaidan knew that wasn't really the truth. At least not yet.

"Confidence born of ignorance," Sovereign replied. Though not alive, Kaidan found it odd that it could still be so condescending. "The cycle cannot be broken." And then Kaidan's mind was blown away as the Reaper explained that the Protheans were not the first, merely the most recent of many civilizations that they had wiped out. Kaidan tried to wrap his brain around the timeline. How was it possible? How old were the Reapers? He felt another migraine coming on as Sovereign explained that it was the Reapers and not the Protheans who built the Citadel, the mass relays. He glanced at Garrus, who seemed to be just as surprised as he stared at the holo. "We impose order on the chaos of organic evolution. You exist because we allow it. And you will end because we demand it."

"They're harvesting us," Kaidan heard himself say quietly to no one in particular.

"What do you want?" Shepard asked. "Who built you?"

"We have no beginning. We have no end. We are infinite. Millions of years after your civilization has been eradicated and forgotten, we will endure."

Shepard's voice became cold and angry. "You're not even alive," He said. "Not really. You're just a machine. And machines can be broken."

"Your words are as empty as your future. I am the vanguard of your destruction. This exchange is over."

Kaidan barely had time to process the last sentence when all the windows in the room shattered, sending glass flying. Everyone was quiet for a moment until Garrus spoke.

"Well that's...that's just great."

"...Yeah." Shepard said absently.

Kaidan nearly jumped when their comms chirped and Joker's panicked voice came over it. "Uh Commander I don't know what you did but that ship, Sovereign just blasted out of here and pulled a move that would shear the Normandy in half. We almost done here or what?"

Shepard touched his comm. "Headed to the bomb site. We'll clear it out and meet you there." He looked to Garrus, Wrex and Kaidan. "Let's go."

* * *

Liara glanced down at her armor, covered in Tali's blood. Dr. Chakwas had said that the wound on Tali's side was superficial, but the real danger lay in infection. She had been exposed to the outside environment and currently Chakwas and Haines were doing their best to dress her wound while simultaneously setting up a makeshift clean room. Liara had taken the initiative by helping to hang the sterile plastic curtains around the area. She was sealing the sheets to the floor, finding a different use for the medical glue than it normally had.

Her head felt so loud, and it was then she remembered she still had her radio on. Until the frantic scramble to get Tali into a sterile environment Liara had been hanging onto every word spoken over the comm. Every burst of fire had echoed in her ear. Every order shouted gruffly by Shepard and every response. Now that she was back on the ship she felt the sting of horrible guilt. She stood outside of the med bay, in the quiet of the mess hall and suddenly wanted nothing more than to be back on that planet taking fire at Shepard's side.

She leaned against the wall and breathed, intently listening. There was no going back now. They would have to handle it without her. The thought made her stomach turn itself inside out. Her guilt was irrational. She had volunteered to help Tali back to the ship, but now she felt helpless, unable to protect them, unable to protect him. No. She would get back out there as soon as they landed at the bomb site. She would not abandon the mission. She would not abandon Shepard. She ran quickly back down to the cargo bay, where a couple of Normandy's crew stood guard over the ominous looking bomb there. She knew it wasn't armed yet, but it still made her nervous being in the belly of their ship. A group of about twenty Salarians were gathered in one of the corners of the cargo bay. They'd been able to pick them up after their distraction had served its purpose. She knew several more Salarians were still planet-side with Kirrahe, but she certainly remembered there being a lot more. She silently wondered just how many had died in the fight. Several had been brought up to the med bay already. Dr. Chakwas and Corporal Haines had their hands full with casualties at the moment.

She heard Joker radio that they were about to land at the bomb site. Shepard and the team had cleared it out. Liara breathed a sigh of relief. Very soon it would all be over. The rest of the Salarians, Kirrahe, Williams, they would all be making their way to the site. They they could just fly out of there and blow it up. It all seemed so simple at this point, though Liara reminded herself not to relax too early. As they landed, the bay doors opened and the bright sunlight of Virmire hit Liara's eyes. As they landed she could see Shepard walking toward the ship and she breathed a sigh of relief. It hadn't been enough to hear his voice. Seeing him was proof that he was okay. He looked tired. Dirty. There were several Salarian soldiers there as well, more of Kirrahe's men who had come to help secure the bomb site. Liara ran down the ramp toward him and smiled and nodded as she approached. Even with all the weight he was carrying he managed a quick smile at her.

"The bomb is ready to be set," She said.

"Good," he replied. "Kaidan," he looked to the Lieutenant, who looked equally exhausted. Kaidan jogged passed them on the ramp.

"On it," He confirmed as he passed.

Shepard touched his comm. "Kirrahe, come in. Time to rendezvous at the pickup site, let's go." Their radios were med with static and gunfire and finally the sound of Williams' voice.

"Shepard," She yelled.

"Ash?" Shepard was holding his ear and squinting, trying to hear better. "Get your ass to the pickup site now, do you copy?"

"Negative," Williams said. "We're pinned down on the AA tower taking heavy fire." She grunted in what might have been pain, but continued. "Kirrahe is dead. We're taking heavy casualties."

"Sit tight. We're comin' to get you." Shepard said. "Just hang on and keep your head low, got it?"

"Negative!" Williams seemed insistent. "It's too hot. Just get that bomb set. We'll hold them off as long as we –" The comm crackled out and Liara's stomach turned. She saw it on Shepard's face too. She hadn't even noticed Alenko walk up next to them.

"It's all right, Commander." He said. "I'll need a few minutes to finish arming the nuke." He nodded. "Go get' em."

Shepard nodded and ran off. Liara readied her weapon and followed Shepard, who was motioning for Wrex and Garrus. "Wrex! Garrus! You're with me! Double time!" Liara's heart pumped the blood furiously through her veins as they all sprinted full speed toward their destination. She only hoped they wouldn't be too late.

* * *

Kaidan removed his helmet to wipe the sweat from his forehead. It wasn't hot on Virmire, at least that wasn't the reason he was sweating. It wasn't easy to have your hands in the guts of a nuclear device, trying to bring it to life. He almost laughed at the thought. At least his hands were steady. The set up was fairly simple, but time consuming. Too much jostling on the ship could have set it off, which is why it needed to be armed here. He crouched in front of it, concentrating. He was almost done. Several Salarian soldiers watched him intently, probably just as nervous as he was. The Normandy had departed to a safe distance out of the hot zone and things were surprisingly quiet. It seemed the plan was working out aside from Williams and the other Salarians being pinned down.

He checked the time. It had only been about three minutes since Shepard and the others ran off. He was almost ready. He was trying to regulate his adrenaline to no avail. He was about to radio the Commander with an update when he heard Wrex's growly voice in his ear.

"Alenko, heads up! Geth drop ship inbound to your location."

Kaidan stood, looked around and finally he heard it. "It's here." He nodded to the Salarians who all took cover and defensive positions in the areas surrounding the bomb. It was then Kaidan realized the bomb was right out in the open, with nothing nearby he could use as cover except for…the bomb. "Damn," he cursed under his breath.

Geth troops tumbled out of the door of the ship like a waterfall. He'd stopped counting at about twenty. They were all taking offensive positions as well. Kaidan snapped to it and grabbed what little cover he could nearest the bomb as the fire started. They were outnumbered and outgunned. That was obvious. They wouldn't be getting out of this without some help.

"Multiple troops," he said into his comm as he fired a few rounds toward the enemy.

"Can you hold them off?" Shepard asked. It occurred to Alenko that they couldn't. More geth jumped out of the ship. He glanced around. The Salarians were falling one by one as the geth gained ground quickly.

"There's too many," He shook his head. "We can't hold them off!" In an instant he realized what he had to do. All logic had aligned in his brain. The answer was simple. "I'm arming the nuke!" He yelled. He was almost surprised to find his hands working quickly to do so, even as a part of his brain was asking exactly what came out of Shepard's mouth next.

"What? What the hell are you doing, Alenko?" What was he doing? He wasn't sure. All he knew was that if they lost this position, the geth would disarm the nuke and everything they had done would be for nothing.

"Making sure this bomb goes off," he said calmly. "No matter what." He paused for just a second before activating the device. "It's done, Shepard. Now go get Ash and get the hell out of there."

"Belay that!" Ash's voice crackled over the radio. "We can hold here. Go back and get Alenko!" Kaidan smiled just a little. He knew Ash would argue. She always had to have the last word.

Shepard cut in then after a long moment. Alenko knew he wouldn't be able to make the decision lightly, but he found an odd sense of both relief and defeat in Shepard's next words. "Williams, radio Joker and tell him to meet us at the AA tower."

"I….yes, sir…I…" It was a decision Ashley clearly didn't agree with. But that was just too damned bad. She would have to get over it.

"Quit whining, Ash," Kaidan joked. "It's the right decision and you know it. Be good, Chief."

"Kaidan…" He heard her choke out before Shepard's voice came again.

"I'm sorry Kaidan," he said. His tone held a regret he couldn't hide. Kaidan hoped he wouldn't beat himself up over it too badly.

"It's been an honor, Shepard. I don't regret a thing." Kaidan said strongly. "Now let's get it done." He turned his comm off. There was no point to it now. He didn't want to hear anything else. He just wanted to make sure he finished the job. He felt surprisingly calm. Resigned. This would be a good death, one he could be proud of.

It occurred to him that he had sentenced the rest of the Salarians to their deaths as well, but from the looks of it they were going to die anyway. He watched as a few more fell, the geth now just a few yards away. He didn't know how long it would take for the nuke to actually go off. He hadn't been counting the seconds. The next few minutes blurred. All he knew was that he needed to keep them away from it. He emerged from his cover and headed toward the bomb. Several geth were descending upon it like vultures, no doubt going in to try to disarm it. With every bit of strength he had left, Kaidan growled and put forth a biotic field the likes of which he had never produced before. It sent the geth flying backwards, away from the bomb, but exhausted him to the point where he couldn't stand. He fell to his knees next to the nuke, leaning against it for support as he pulled out his pistol. His arm shaking, he managed to pick off a couple more as they charged, and then he could do no more. His body simply wouldn't let him. He sat, leaning against the bomb, watching as another squad of geth ran toward him.

"Come on," he said quietly, more to the bomb than to anyone else. As the geth stepped nearer to him, he heard the high pitched beep of the device behind him and a wave of relief washed over him as he closed his eyes.

He had completed his mission.


	20. Desperate Measures

**Chapter 20: Desperate Measures**

Even Wrex was quiet. The silence in the CIC was deafening to Liara. They'd all ended up here. After months of the same routine it was so automatic now. Liara didn't even remember walking herself there. She had been dazed, like everyone else in the aftermath of Virmire. The mission had been a success and yet it felt like such a monumental loss. It was a loss. More than half of the Salarian group had been killed. And they'd lost Kaidan. She repeated the thought in her head. Kaidan was gone. The terrible things they had all seen over the course of the past few months could not have prepared them for so personal a heart wrenching. Liara's chest hurt. It felt too soon to even acknowledge the lieutenant's death. He had been kind to her. She had found herself caring for him. She expected him to walk in and sit in his usual seat for the debrief. But that seat was empty now. Her pain over his loss was more than she would have imagined, but she knew there were others in far worse pain than she was.

She glanced at Williams. She was dirty, with tired eyes, her bun threatening to unbind itself along with the several strands of hair that had already fallen. She sat frozen, staring through the floor beneath her. Her heart went out to her. The commander had made a choice, and she knew the gravity of it was not lost on the gunnery chief. Liara could almost feel the guilt radiating from her. And then there was Shepard. He stood in his usual spot, dirt and grime on his face and neck, his jaw clenched in thought, his eyes hiding the sadness she knew he was feeling.

Finally he spoke. "I know you're all feeling...like we lost today..." He paused to look around the room. "But we also got it done. Today was an important day" He stood up straight. "For so many reasons. All of you...you got it done." He paused a long time. "Saren got dealt a blow but he's not gonna sit on his ass so we can't either." Everyone looked at him, everyone but Williams, who still stared at the floor. "Alenko...he died today so we could complete the mission. So let's do it. Everybody go and get some rest. Dismissed."

He turned with his back to everyone as they all stood. Williams had started her hasty retreat almost before the Commander could finish the word "dismissed" and now Garrus and Wrex somberly exited as well, leaving Liara looking at the back of Shepard's head as he leaned on the railing in the CIC His shoulders were hunched with stress, defeat or both. She stood and moved toward him. She heard him breathe out. She wondered if she should leave him, if that's what he would have preferred, but she simply couldn't.

"Shepard," she said softly. He turned to her and crossed his arms. His face was slack and his blue eyes looked down at the floor. They were alone now, and Liara knew his walls would be cracked for just a few moments, as they had come to be around her.

"There's nothing I could have done differently," he said, his gaze just a little distant. It was almost a question.

"No," Liara responded. She stepped closer to him. "There wasn't. Losing Kaidan is awful, but you could not have saved him. You know that."

Shepard let his shoulders drop as he let out exasperated sigh. "But I could have saved him..." he said.

"And then we would have lost Williams." She knew she was stating the obvious. He was agonizing over the choice he'd been forced to make on Virmire. Liara didn't envy him, and she knew there was nothing else he could have done. He had to leave behind either Kaidan or Ashley. She could see him re-running the whole thing in his head, trying to think of way he could have saved them both. "You simply could not have saved them both. It was impossible."

He scoffed and shook his head. "Is that supposed to make me feel better?" His tone was probably colder than he had meant it. She didn't take it personally.

"Don't torture yourself, Shepard." She said. "It won't bring him back." She found her hand suddenly on his upper arm then. His tensed bicep relaxed just a little. He glanced at her hand, then looked at her.

"I know," he said. "I'm all right." But he wasn't all right. He couldn't fool her. He was in pain. And she was in pain because of it.

"You're not all right, Shepard. And you shouldn't be."

"It doesn't matter," he said matter of factly. "None of what I feel right now matters. What matters is that we make it count."

She thought for a moment, and then a realization came to her. "Perhaps there is a way to make it count."

"What do you mean?"

She took a deep breath, forcing herself to continue with the mission related conversation. "The beacon you saw. The images in your mind. Perhaps we can make some sense of them together."

He nodded. "You want to join our minds again," he said quietly.

"Yes." She inched closer to him, perhaps she thought too close. He was still leaning against the railing, his arms still crossed. Somewhere along the line her hand had fallen away from his arm, but she was close enough now that she could smell his skin. Just a hint of metallic tinged sweat from the intense battle they'd faced earlier entered her nose and she found it pleasant and comforting. She wanted to hold him, to take away his pain.

His sad eyes gazed into hers then and he nodded. "I'm ready when you are," he said softly. He stood up straight then in front of Liara, his imposing frame suddenly making her feel small. They stood close, eyes on each others' faces. After a moment, in a wash of sensation Liara felt their minds join.

The images were intense, violent. Pieces became clear to her, symbols once foreign to her came into focus. She began to recognize places, things. As when they had joined previously, a jumble of feelings and emotions and memories also transferred. The emotional exchange between them was overwhelming, no doubt amplified by the heightened experiences of the day. Liara was overcome by all the things Shepard was feeling. She felt his tremendous guilt, felt his sorrow, his frustration, his crushing stress. She felt worry, concern and affection for his crew. She felt Shepard's fondness for her, the intimate bond they shared. And she saw then what she knew was exactly what she needed to see.

She gasped softly as she disconnected from him. His hands were on her arms, gripping her slightly and hers rested on his strong chest, moving with it as he breathed. His eyes were still closed when she spoke.

"Ilos," she whispered. He opened his eyes, looked at her, and dropped his hands to this side. "The conduit is on Ilos. I am sure of it." Her hands remained stubbornly on his chest.

"Ilos?" he asked softly.

"Yes," her voice was louder now, excited. "I recognize it in the visions. I recognize it from my research. I am absolutely positive that Saren is headed to Ilos!" She smiled at him. He smiled back. They had figured it out. She laughed slightly, her eyes filling with a joyful moisture. It wasn't much, but it was everything. It was a lifeline thrown to a drowning victim. In that moment they both realized they had a chance to stop Saren and the Reapers.

After a short moment, Shepard threw his arms around Liara's shoulders and squeezed her in a hug of excited relief. They held there a moment. "Thank you," he whispered. She returned the hug, trying not to squeeze him too tightly.

"Message from the Citadel, Commander," Joker's solemn voice said. Shepard pulled out of the hug. Liara reluctantly let him.

"Go ahead, Joker," he said in a strong voice. His vigor and strength had been renewed. He was ready to fight again. He was the strong, unbreakable Commander that she loved in that moment.

"Council wants us to return to the Citadel. Looks like they're finally going after Saren." Joker continued.

"I knew they'd come around!" Shepard said, almost to himself. "Set a course for the Citadel, Joker. I want the Normandy at the head of that fleet."

"Yes sir!"

Shepard turned to Liara, the corner of his mouth still turned upward. It disappeared when he saw her face. She hadn't meant for her expression to fall. She hadn't even realized it had. She was happy after all. They had a lead and it looked like the Council was finally paying attention to Shepard's hard work. But she couldn't help it. She was suddenly thinking of what she'd felt from him in their joining. And she was thinking of what she hadn't felt.

"Are you all right?" He asked, his brow furrowed with worry.

She smiled at him, though she couldn't stop the moisture from filling her eyes. "Yes, Shepard," She said. "I..." It was the wrong time, the worst time. And it was the only time. "You are...very special to me, Shepard." She whispered. She continued before he could speak. "I need you to know it..." She forced herself to look down, away from his eyes.

"Liara..." he whispered. He seemed a little confused by the change in tone and conversation. She didn't let him continue. She couldn't.

"What began as a curiosity and tremendous respect…changed soon after we spoke in depth. Your passion, your kindness." She took a shaky breath. "I have wanted to comfort you. I have...wanted to be with you." She said, looking him in the eye again. "And I have wanted to say that very thing for months." She watched his face, his eyes on hers. She watched him as he realized how much Liara loved him. He knew everything. And he knew that she knew he didn't feel the same way.

"Liara," he said gently. "I…" He sighed. "I'm..."

"Oh, Shepard." She touched the side of his face. His stubble brushed her soft palm. His eyes were sincere and affectionate and apologetic. "It's all right." She felt a tear fall from her eye. "I already know that you don't feel the same. You cannot control the way you feel, or don't feel. Just as I cannot control it in myself."

"I didn't realize," he said. "Even with the joining, I…" He shook his head and sighed. "I don't know. Maybe… I did know, at least on some level." He touched her hand. She wished he wouldn't. "I would never want to hurt you, Liara."

"I know" Liara said. "And I suspect the joining did more harm than good in this case. It made me feel very close to you even though I know you had not freely offered those parts of yourself to me."

"Liara," he said again.

"You've done nothing wrong, Shepard. You never led me on or pretended you had similar feelings for me." She swallowed. "It's all right."

Shepard squeezed her hand on his face. "You're an amazing woman, Liara" He said. "Maybe I can't... give you what you need. But…" She could tell how much he hated hurting her. She wished he wouldn't torture himself. He was doing his best not to hurt her. She had to smile. He was handling it perfectly. He finally gave up on words. "You _know_." He said. "You _know_ how I feel about you."

She touched both sides of his face now.

"Yes. I know," she whispered to him. Then her lips met his softly in a very light, very still kiss. They both closed their eyes and held it for just a few seconds. His lips were warm, smooth. _Enough_, Liara told herself. She pulled away then, smiled at him and let her hands fall from his face. She turned to leave and as she approached the door she turned back to him. "You should go check on Williams." She turned and walked out, leaving Shepard alone in the room. She felt oddly free of it then, as if revealing their feelings with words had dissipated the tension between them. She would not be sad. That would not help anyone. Her thoughts turned to the tasks that lie ahead of all of them. There was much work to be done and she knew she would stand by Commander Shepard, right at his side for as long as she possibly could. The thought made her smile.

* * *

Ashley desperately needed to be alone. It felt as if her very survival depended on it at the moment. She climbed up into the parked Mako in the Normandy's empty garage, closed the door, and sat on the floor of it, her back against the metal wall. She ignored the cushioned seats. Even small comfort seemed so selfish. She sat, her knees bent, staring ahead at nothing, no expression on her face. It was quiet shock. Somehow, during the debriefing she'd managed to keep it together. She'd managed not to scream out that it should have been her. It _should _have been her. Not Kaidan. Poor Kaidan. He was gone. And she was positively eviscerated by it.

In this moment, she hated John Shepard. How could he just save her, without even asking her. She knew that sounded ridiculous. She knew her anger was irrational. But it was still there. How dare he make her live with this? She had been ready to die. She was supposed to die. Deep down she'd known it. She thought back the nightmare she'd had just hours before hitting Virmire. None of its setting had been Virmire. The details of her nightmare were blurry at best. But she knew one thing: It had ended with her death. She wasn't much a believer in visions or signs, but she believed in God. And right then she was positive that God had made a terrible mistake.

She thought about the very real possibility that Shepard had saved her because he cared for her. She would never be able to forgive him for that, no matter how much she wanted to. She managed to convince herself that it couldn't be true. It couldn't. He didn't work like that. Her eyes were finally watering up, stinging. She had wondered when that would happen. She had even wondered if it would happen. It took her days to finally accept the loss of her squad on Eden Prime, to finally have the catharsis she needed.

This was different. This was Kaidan.

She had made fast friends with him after Eden Prime. The two of them had been the only two humans who seemed to be in the Commander's inner circle these days. They'd bonded. She found herself remembering random moments then. She thought of Feros, when he'd snapped her nose back into place. She thought of his stupid jokes that were never funny. They were like the bad jokes her dad used to tell and she'd loved every one of them. She remembered the advice he'd given her during their quiet moments just hanging out. She thought of his smile and his honest, warm eyes. They had always had truth in them, whether he was scolding her or simply being a good listener. Kaidan had always been easily messed with. He was the perfect foil for Ash's quick wit and sarcastic comments. For such a brilliant man he had sometimes been surprisingly susceptible to the shenanigans of the crew. But he always enjoyed it. She would miss that. Kaidan had become a bit like a brother to her in the short time they'd known each other.

Ash had been able to talk to Kaidan. She could share certain things with him, and open up a little around him. He had a disarming quality that invited people in once they got to know him. One night, late, in the mess she'd talked about her father, talked about her fear of letting people down, not being up to snuff. Kaidan had listened intently and compassionately and then told her she needed to get over it. She'd punched him the shoulder, they'd laughed. He was her superior officer, but that hadn't seemed to matter.

Real friendship was important to a marine and few people outside of the military understood the bonds that soldiers shared. They went through things together that most people couldn't imagine. On Virmire, Ashley had insisted on going with Captain Kirrahe's men. She wondered how it would have been different if she just for once could have kept her big mouth shut. She heard his last words to her. "It's the right decision. And you know it."

The right decision. There was no such thing.

As Ash sat, curled up in the Mako, she could feel her face getting hot; feel the tears starting to come full force. She started shaking as her sobs finally wracked her body quietly. Her face went to her hands and she let it all out as softly as she could. Barely any noise at all, save for shallow breath that kept catching on itself and a lot of sniffling. She poured her rage, her sadness, her guilt and pain into her hands for what seemed like forever. After a while, she forced herself to stop crying, wiped her face angrily, rested her head on the wall behind her and brought her breathing under control. She closed her eyes.

When she was satisfied that she had properly composed herself, Ash exited the Mako and made her way to the gun rack to clean some rifles. She could be alone there, where no one would see her red eyes, the remnants of the tears she'd spilled for her lost friend. Even as she walked, a familiar mantra floated into her head.

_Bury it_, it said. She wouldn't cry about it again.

* * *

Shepard stood in the CIC, processing everything that had just happened. Virmire, Kaidan, Ilos, and now Liara. It was a lot. He pressed a hand to his forehead. His head was killing him. It was stress related probably, but the most recent joining with Liara's mind surely hadn't helped. And now he was thinking of Ashley. Liara had mentioned that he should check on Ash to make sure she was okay. He had of course been planning to do that anyway. He thought he would check in on Tali first. He was in no hurry to hear what Ashley had to say to him.

Shepard thought about Virmire, about the events leading to their extraction. Saren had been there. The things he'd said, his mental state, his willingness to help the Reapers destroy everything. It had been somewhat surprising even with everything Shepard knew. During their stalemate of a firefight he hadn't had time to think about the fact that he was leaving Kaidan to die on that planet. He had made the decision quickly, out of necessity, but he knew that it had been no contest. He simply couldn't have left Ashley. His stomach flip flopped with irrevocable guilt at the admission, and a small apology to Kaidan hung in the front of his mind. It was an empty apology and one that he would never hear. He shook his head. Kaidan was more than just an officer Shepard worked with. He had been a good friend. The loss of him cut deep.

He couldn't think about it right now. He had to make Kaidan's death mean something. And now that they had a lead, he was going to do it. He took a deep breath and left the CIC, heading for the med bay. Chakwas greeted him. She looked wrecked. The med bay was overcrowded with Salarians and one whole corner had been taken up by a makeshift sterile space for Tali.

He nodded. "How's Tali?"

Chakwas cracked her neck. "Stable. And I think we've managed to avoid infection. She said she could patch her own suit when she's feeling better. She should be up in a day or so. In the mean time I've given her a mild sedative. She's resting now."

Shepard glanced over at the cot that held the sleeping Quarian. She looked peaceful. He turned his attention back to Chakwas. "How are you holding up?"

She frowned. "I'm...trying not to think about Lt. Alenko. The grief would only slow me down. And I can't do that right now, not with all these men in here who need my help." She nodded resolutely. "I'll let you know when Tali Zorah is awake. " She touched his arm comfortingly and then returned to her work. Shepard left then, and made his way to the garage. He wasn't looking forward to this, but he needed to know she was okay.

He knew that Ash and Kaidan had been close. They'd made a great team. He'd clearly been the person aboard the Normandy that she'd immediately taken a liking to. They'd bonded. It had been nice to see. When she was new Kaidan was the one who stepped up to welcome her. He had been the reason she was on the ship to begin with.

The garage was empty. The Salarians had seemingly taken up temporary residence in the mess hall. Unsurprisingly, Shepard found Ash messing with the weapons. He stopped to watch her for just a moment. She was tossing guns back onto the table a little harder than usual and she was breathing a little heavier. He stepped forward again and he knew she had heard him approaching when she put her hands on the table in front of her and sighed.

"If you don't mind, sir I'd like to be alone for a while." She said. Ash was nothing if not direct.

Shepard stood for a moment trying to figure out what to say. He didn't have to say anything. Ash tossed a pistol onto the table, turned around and crossed her arms, leaning on the table behind her. The similarities between her stance and the way he normally stood when he was frustrated struck him. Her eyes were red. Her face was puffy. He could tell she'd been crying. But she wasn't crying anymore, and Shepard got the sense that she probably wouldn't again, especially not in front of him.

"If you're here to ask if I'm okay, I'm not," she said matter of factly.

Shepard stepped toward her and leaned against the table next to her, adopting the same posture as hers.

"I know," he said. "Neither am I."

There was a long silence before she spoke again. "I know that you had to make a decision today. And...I'm grateful...I really am. You saved my life. But I need to know..." She looked at him. "Why me? Why not save Kaidan? He is...he was... the superior officer." She looked down. "He was the right choice."

"There was no right choice," he said quietly.

She pushed off the table and paced slowly. "Yes, there was." She sounded angry. "Kaidan was the right choice. He's the better soldier, the most useful and versatile. His biotics could take out more people with the flick of his wrist than I can with a whole clip. He was an officer! Your officer! Second in command...And…" She laughed. "He was damn sure the better person."

"Don't do that, Ash." Shepard wasn't about to let her beat herself up over it.

"Do what, say what everyone else is probably thinking? Kaidan was a good man. The universe really messed up on this one." She stopped pacing and put her hands on her hips, looking down. She took a deep breath and then continued in a calmer tone. "I've never been afraid to die. Always figured it came with the territory. I get it. I'm the grunt, the front line cannon fodder. I've never had a problem with that. Why then? Why do I get to stick around when everyone else has to pay the price?" She looked at him again. Her brown eyes were wet. He felt like he'd been punched in the gut. He could relate to her pain and he wanted to take it away from her. "My unit, Kaidan. How is it that I keep surviving? I feel like someone upstairs didn't get the memo or something." She took a shaky breath and blinked away the threatening tears. "And for what? All I'll ever be seen as is a Williams, granddaughter of the biggest fuck up in the Alliance. At least if I died in battle it would be something worth noting."

He couldn't stand to see her like this. She wasn't even really making sense. Her grief was causing her to say things she normally wouldn't, and he was suddenly angry with her for being so terrible to herself. "Stop that bullshit right now, Williams." He stepped toward her and met her eyes. "Just how far are you willing to go to clear the black spot on your family name? It's not worth it. It's the past. So get over it, Ash." She seemed surprised by his tone and she was clearly speechless. "I've never met anyone like you, " he continued. "You're everything you think you're not and then some. I won't listen to you belittle yourself to justify what you think is a mistake. I made that decision._ Not you_. I left Kaidan there._ Not you_. And if I had it to over I would make the same decision. So don't whine to me about not being good enough. It's time to move on and accept who you are and what you can do ." He stepped away. "So you want to tell me I made the wrong decision? You're wrong. I know I didn't."

She was quiet for a long time. He could feel her looking at the back of his head. Finally, in a choked voice, very quietly she asked the question he'd been dreading.

"Did you...save me... because of us?"

He turned to her, met her eyes. They were pleading with him to say no. He stepped forward and after a second, touched her cheek. Letting out a deep breath he took a moment to look at her, then shook his head. "No," he lied. He wasn't sure she believed him or not, but that was his answer. His thumb brushed her cheek. "You can stop worrying about that. That's not what happened down there." He hoped he was being convincing. The guilt of knowing that he'd saved her because of how he felt about her was his to bear, not hers. Not ever.

She searched his eyes for the truth for a long moment. Finally, satisfied that she'd found it, she blinked. "Okay," she whispered. She took another shaky breath. "Okay," she repeated a little stronger. She moved forward then, wrapping her arms around his ribs. "I'm sorry," she said into his neck. Rather than respond he simply held her there, his arms around her shoulders. They stood there in the silence for a long moment before he finally spoke quietly near her ear.

"I do have some good news possibly."

"Good news?" She asked. She pulled away to look at him and they parted to a normal distance again.

Shepard nodded. "We're on our way to the Citadel. The Council is going after Saren. And we know where he's going." He smiled just slightly.

She smiled. "You're serious?"

He nodded again. "I'll brief everyone in just a little while." He took a breath. "We can win this, Ash."

She nodded and smiled again, her eyes meeting his with purpose. "I always believed we could."

"Get some rest, Williams," he said in a commanding tone. "We have work to do."

She saluted. "Aye aye, sir."

He nodded again and turned, striding out of the garage with purpose. It was time to get it done, once and for all.

* * *

Even Garrus had a hard time keeping up with Shepard's stride as they headed down the long hallway toward the meeting room. He and Williams barely kept up at a normal pace. They met Captain Anderson in the hallway. No pleasantries were exchanged, just nods and then when they walked into the room with Udina and the Council, everything went to hell.

Garrus didn't like Udina to begin with. Shepard gave his report, and got a monotone "congratulations" from the Council on the "success" of Virmire. They went on to explain that they would be ready for Saren if he attacked the Citadel, but Garrus knew better. They're blind assurances meant nothing. Saren wasn't coming for the Citadel. He was on Ilos, a place they were unconcerned with as sending a fleet there would trigger war with the Terminus Systems.

Garrus wanted them to listen to Shepard. He even thought they might as Shepard yelled and demanded action. The Commander all but called the Council idiots before suggesting that he and his crew head to Ilos.

That was when things got ugly.

With a smug look on his face, Udina explained that the Normandy was on lock down. They were grounded. The thought hadn't even managed to process itself in Garrus' head before Shepard was upon Udina.

"You son of a bitch!" He growled as he grabbed his shirt and slammed him against the wall. It took Garrus a moment to react. Udina looked surprised. And afraid. Anderson was already moving to pry Shepard off of Udina, as was Williams.

"Shepard!" Anderson barked.

Williams grabbed his arm. "Hey. He's not worth it. Let's go." She said forcefully, throwing an angry look in Udina's direction. After another couple seconds of intense glare, Shepard finally let Udina go. Anderson and Williams tentatively released Shepard as he turned to storm out of the room. Garrus and Williams followed him back to the ship at a distance. No one said anything. Upon entering, Shepard simply walked off, passed everyone, his eyes forward. Joker stopped them near the cockpit.

"So uh... that didn't go well I take it?"

Williams gave Joker a withered look, then walked off after Shepard, presumably to talk to him. Garrus turned to Joker.

"The Council and your ambassador have their heads so far up their asses they refuse to see the real threat."

Joker shook his head. "Yeah I know. Just got word a few minutes ago we're grounded. All the systems are locked up."

Garrus shook his head, wondering how they would ever get out of this one.

* * *

Ash was fuming. She was so pissed off she couldn't see straight. Having the Council as a huge pain in the ass was bad enough, but being betrayed by Ambassador Udina just added insult to injury. She was about to voice her anger when Shepard had flipped his lid at Udina. She couldn't blame him. Part of her had wanted him to punch him out. Hell, part of her had wanted him to blow his head off. She couldn't stand that bastard. But Shepard messing up Udina wasn't going to help anything. Udina was lucky she and Anderson had been there to grab Shepard.

As angry as she was, Shepard was even angrier. She'd watched his face when it was all going down. His eyes had gotten chillingly cold and his jaw was clenched. It was scary. And now there they were, totally screwed. What hope they'd all had just a couple of hours ago had been crushed. They were going to lose. And they were going to lose because of bull shit. All of Shepard's hard work, everything he had done, every bit of crushing weight he'd had to shoulder and nothing to show for it. She'd felt his seething rage and frustration.

She considered leaving him alone for a while, giving him a chance to cool off, but they were past that now. She had to check on him. She made a real effort to calm her own anger as she headed in the direction he'd gone. It wouldn't' help anything if she just fueled the fire. She found him sitting on the floor, his back against the lockers in the garage. He looked up and saw her approach and the look on his face broke her heart. He was defeated. He'd given up. There was no fight left in Commander John Shepard. The unbreakable warrior had finally been broken. Ash felt a hollow ache in her chest. She'd never once expected to see him like this.

She approached him slowly as he leaned his head on the locker behind him and closed his eyes. He let out frustrated breath, the lines on his exhausted face a little deeper in the dim light of the corridor.

"Hey," Ash finally decided on.

"Hey," he responded, not opening his eyes. After a second he looked right at her. Ash could feel the sympathy on her face. He laughed sadly. "Checking up on me?" he asked.

"Yup," Ash said quietly. She took a seat next to him on the floor, leaning her own back against the lockers.

He shook his head. "Unbelievable," he said. She could hear the anger in his voice. "Un-fucking-believable." He was looking straight ahead again. "They don't even know what they've done." They sat quietly for a few seconds and then Ash simply took his hand in hers and squeezed reassuringly. He squeezed back.

"We can't give up, Shepard." She said. "Not now."

Shepard put his head down and smiled sadly. "You here to give me a pep talk, Williams?" He asked. He wasn't making this easy. He seemed determined to wallow in his defeat. She wasn't about to let him.

"I dunno," she said. "You gonna let me?" It was a valid question. Shepard was hard to read sometimes. Ash was still getting the hang of navigating his emotional terrain.

Shepard turned his head to look at her. "Maybe," he said simply.

"Look," she continued. "I know how you're feeling, Shepard. This entire crew is feeling it too right now. This is frustrating. It's infuriating. Part of me wanted you to smash Udina's head through that wall, but it's not over. We need you, Shepard. This crew will follow you to the end, but we need you to lead us there."

Shepard sighed. "You have a hell of a lot of faith in me, Ash."

Ash nodded. "I know you still have some fight left in you, Shepard. We'll get it done." She was struggling for words, real words, words of encouragement, true inspiration. "And at the risk of sounding really corny," she continued. Their eyes met as she spoke next. "I believe in you." She had never spoken truer words. She did believe in him, and she was determined to bolster him up.

His blue eyes searched hers for the truth of what she'd said, and when they found it, he smiled. "Wow," he whispered. "That really was corny." She smiled back at him warmly. "And thank you," he said quietly, with genuine affection and gratitude.

Ash stood, still holding his hand. "On your feet, marine" she said. She pulled him up then, harder than she'd meant to and he stood faster than he'd probably meant to as well. Ash stumbled softly back just a step and her back hit the wall behind her. At the same moment Shepard stumbled forward a step and put one arm out to brace himself on the wall next to her.

Her body became aware of how close he was before her mind did. He was so close she could smell his skin faintly. Their eyes locked and they shared a brief second of gentle surprise before Ash's head began to swim.

She was absolutely and unapologetically lost in his gaze now. She didn't care. Her defenses were down and she wasn't even going to try to put them back up. She searched his face, memorizing every line, every scar. She watched his eyes lower for a second to her mouth, then meet her eyes again and it caused a dull ache to pulse through her whole body. It intensified one hundred fold when his other arm found the wall on the other side of her. She was hopelessly and willingly trapped there, her own hands having somehow found their way to his waist, her fingers settling there softly. The look in his eyes was unmistakable then. She knew he was going to kiss her. His body shifted slightly, moving closer to her body. His face moved closer to hers. She felt her lips part in anticipation as his warm breath hit them lightly, and then they met just barely and Ash's knees nearly buckled. She closed her eyes. His lips had barely grazed hers a second time when the jarring voice of Joker came over the air.

"Bridge to Commander Shepard." Ash had never been so pissed off to hear Joker's voice. She and Shepard both seemed to let out a small frustrated sigh as they were torn from the moment. Their eyes met again, each of them hiding a small smile as he pulled away from her reluctantly. He backed off just a few inches, the space between them suddenly seeming like a gaping void. He looked up.

"Go ahead Joker," he said. He hadn't even tried to hide the frustration in his voice.

As Joker spoke next, Ash could feel the flush in her face regulating itself. She cleared her throat and stood up straight then.

"Message from Captain Anderson," Joker continued. "Said for you to meet him in that club in the wards, Flux."

Shepard looked at Ash. The look they exchanged was one of business, normalcy, with not a hint of anything that had just happened.

"Did he say what he wanted?" Shepard asked.

"No sir. Just said to meet him." Joker responded.

"Thanks, Joker." Shepard said. He looked at Ash then. She was suddenly wondering what Captain Anderson wanted.

"Duty calls," she said, looking at Shepard. He laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. Ash had to smile. Surprisingly enough, John Shepard actually looked almost flustered in that moment.

"Yeah," he said, and then he smiled at her.

"Why do you think he wants to meet?" Ash asked, continuing them on the path of the norm.

Shepard shook his head. "I don't know," he said. "Maybe he has something up his sleeve. Get ready to go."

Shepard strode off with renewed purpose then. Ash smiled after him, her heart suddenly swelling with excitement. But it was excitement not from the moment they had just shared, but the pure, inspirational thrill of witnessing Shepard return to his normal self. She ran then to grab her pistol and follow him out.

* * *

How different things were since last Shepard had been in Flux. As he entered the loud club with Ashley and Garrus in tow he thought about the last time they were there. The crew had been light hearted. They'd had fun. Even knowing their mission, everything had seemed a lot less complicated just a couple months ago. Even Kaidan had had a good time. Shepard pushed the lump of guilt down and scanned the room for Anderson. He saw him sitting over by the bar.

As they approached, Anderson nodded and sipped what Shepard assumed was scotch. He motioned for them to sit and they all did at his small table.

"You wanted to see me, sir?" Shepard was chomping at the bit.

Anderson nodded casually. "Shepard. First off I'm sorry. If there'd been any way to get a warning to you I would have."

"I know that, sir."

"But you have to get to Ilos," Anderson continued. "You have to stop Saren and we both know that if you don't nobody will."

Shepard shook his head. "There's only one ship that get me into the Terminus Systems undetected and she's grounded."

"I know." Anderson took a deep breath. "Citadel security has the Normandy on lockdown but if we can override the Ambassador's orders it should release the lock. You can be in the Terminus Systems before anyone even knows your gone."

"You can't just walk into C-Sec and try to hack their computers," Garrus said. "They're authorized to use lethal force."

Anderson nodded. "I know. That's why I'm going to Udina's office to do it from there." He stood.

Shepard stood with him. "Udina's not just gonna let you sit down at his console."

"Hopefully he won't be there. If he is…I'll think of something."

"A good crack to the skull might do it," Ash mumbled.

Shepard didn't like this. He didn't like the idea of Anderson getting into trouble. He'd already been stripped of his ship and his assignment and forced to a desk job. But Shepard knew it was the only way. He looked at Anderson and finally nodded.

"Stealing the Normandy is mutiny," he said. "What if-"

"Anyone who isn't behind you has to answer to me," Ash interrupted. He glanced back at her and she nodded, resolutely. He turned back to Anderson.

"Just tell me what to do."

Anderson down the rest of his scotch. "Just be ready."

"I won't forget this, Sir." Anderson smiled at him then, adding a firm pat to his shoulder as he brushed passed. When he was gone, Shepard turned to Garrus and Ashley. "You heard the man. Let's get on that ship."

Shepard had to force himself not to run full speed back to the ship. They walked briskly and occasionally jogged when out of sight. The last thing he wanted was to arouse suspicion. At the ship they all entered and headed to the galaxy map. Shepard had radioed ahead to have every crew member meet there. When he saw them all assembled they looked expectant, curious, and a little nervous. Ashley and Garrus still stood behind him.

"Listen up," he said. "All of you. Every single one of you has done your job the best anyone could have ever done. I'm damn proud of this crew. And you've followed me through a lot. Well it doesn't stop here." He stood straight, his voice becoming louder. "We're taking this ship and we're stopping Saren. Now you all know that means disobeying direct orders from the brass and from the Council. I can't force any of you to go along with this. If you do you may face discharge, court martial or other disciplinary action." He paused to look around. Everyone seemed to be looking at everyone else. "So anyone not coming with me better get off this ship right now. And I mean right this second." He waited for a moment as a quiet murmur made its way through the crew. After a moment it stopped and everyone seemed to look up at him expectantly again with smiles on their faces. A few nodded at him. No one was leaving. No one even considered it. John Shepard couldn't help but feel choked up about it for a second. This meant everything. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat and spoke again. "Everyone get ready to go. Let's do it."

As he turned to head for the cockpit, he glanced at Ash, who had a grin on her face. He turned the corner of his mouth up at her as she ran off to get ready. Behind him he could hear Pressly barking orders at the crew as they scrambled to get the systems ready to go.

"Nice speech," Joker said as Shepard entered the cockpit. "Hey if I wanted to leave now, you'd be okay with it right?"

"Joker."

"All right all right, I guess I'm in." Joker looked at his console, which still displayed the lockdown in the form of a big red holo. They both stared at it. "So…. We just…wait then? Or…."

"Just wait." Shepard said impatiently. He hoped Anderson wasn't running into too much trouble. "Any minute now…." He was starting to worry. What if Anderson got caught before he could override the system? They would be dead in the water. He felt his muscles tensing as he considered it and then Joker's console turned green, indicating he had control of the ship.

Joker looked at Shepard. "That didn't take long, whatever just happened."

"Get us out of here, Joker." Shepard said quickly.

"Aye aye." Joker powered up and released the docking brakes on the Normandy, backing them out and flying off as if it were a normal departure. The only difference now is that they were all mutineers to the Alliance. Shepard couldn't think about that right now.

"Set a course for Ilos. We have to get there fast." Shepard looked out the window to the stars outside and narrowed his eyes. It would all be over soon, he thought. No matter what.


	21. Past Titles

**Chapter 21: Past Titles**

Tali walked slowly into the engine room. She had missed it. She knew she shouldn't even be up and walking around, but the pain meds and antibiotics Dr. Chakwas had given her were doing the trick. Her side was still tender, but at least she had been able to eat and move around a little. She was amazed that she hadn't gotten sick. Maybe her immune system was much stronger than she thought. She kind of smiled at the idea. She had patched her suit, though the damage had put a permanent stain and a gnarled fix job on it. It would never look as good as it had before, but she couldn't very well just change into another suit. They weren't near the flotilla anyway.

As she headed to her console, Fitzer approached her.

"Hey Tali," he greeted. "Good to see you're okay." He smiled affectionately at her. She couldn't help but smile back. She knew he had a crush on her. She didn't understand it, but there it was. When they'd first started working together she'd found it strange and off-putting, but over the months she had come to find it somewhat endearing.

"Thanks, Elliot" She said. "I hear I slept through all of the excitement of the last few hours."

Fitzer scoffed. "You can say that again."

Tali frowned. "And I heard we lost Lieutenant Alenko. I wish there was more I could have done."

Fitzer sighed sadly. "Yeah Alenko was a good guy." He shook his head. "Sucks." Tali couldn't have agreed more that was exactly how to sum it up. He looked back at her. "You been briefed on everything else then? How we're headed into the shit storm and probably won't come back alive?"

"I...Chakwas told me a little bit. She didn't exactly put it like that..."

"It's funny," Fitzer said. "I'm not a soldier. Never really wanted anything more to work on engines for the Alliance, but... I'm on board with this. Feels like something we need to do you know?"

"I know what you mean."

The door to the engine room opened and Shepard walked in, headed straight for them. He nodded a greeting at Fitzer, who saluted back. "At ease, Fitzer" he said, even clapping him on the shoulder. Tali had noticed that things with this crew had gotten pretty casual, especially of late. It reminded her a little of the family like atmosphere of the Flotilla. She liked it. "Can you give me a minute with Tali please?"

"You got it, sir." Fitzer smiled once more at Tali and then walked out, leaving the two of them alone with the hum of the drive core. Shepard looked guilty, a troubled look on his face.

"Shepard? Are you all right?" It was then she noticed how exhausted he looked. The circles under his blue eyes were dark and he hadn't shaved in at least a couple days. The lines on his face, his scars, were just a bit more prominent. He was still the handsome human she'd met that day on the Citadel, but she could see how the entire journey had worn on him.

Shepard sighed. "How are you feeling, Tali?"

She shrugged. "Not bad for a person who's been shot. My head is a little swimmy, but I'm thinking those are the pain killers."

Shepard smiled. "You know you probably shouldn't even be up walking around, you know." he said.

"I know, but I was getting a little stir crazy in the med bay. I started messing with some of Dr. Chakwas' equipment and I think she finally got annoyed with all my questions and told me to take a walk." She chuckled a little. So did Shepard.

His face turned serious again. "I owe you an apology, Tali," he said.

Tali was confused. "What? Why? What for?"

"I gave everyone here a choice whether or not to come on this crazy mission. Everyone but you. I didn't give you a choice. So I dragged you along for the big fight anyway without you even knowing. I'm sorry."

Tali smiled big, even though she knew he couldn't see it. "Shepard, you don't have to worry about me. I joined your crew with the expectation that I would see it through to the end. And I plan to do that. Even if you had asked me, there's no way I would have abandoned you. I'm in this with you." She took a deep breath. "You've been a good friend to me Shepard. And that means a lot." A couple of weeks prior they'd taken out a geth patrol and acquired some data from a module that could be instrumental in learning more about the Geth. Shepard had sent it off to Alliance and hadn't even hesitated when Tali had asked for a copy. It had meant so much to her that he had trusted her enough. And now she had something amazing to bring back from her Pilgrimage.

Shepard smiled at her. "Thanks, Tali. Think I needed to hear that."

She stood up straight. "I'd like to go with you for the fight if you'll let me. Even if I'm not fully healed, I want to help."

"We'll see," he said. "Let's see how you feel in a few hours. We're on our way to Ilos now. Get some rest okay?" He nodded. Tali wasn't a physically affectionate person but she almost had the urge to hug him. He looked so stressed.

She nodded back. "Will do, Shepard." He turned and walked out, leaving her alone. She considered messing with some of the systems a little, but then decided that some more rest would probably be a good idea. She was going to fight until there was no fight left in her.

* * *

Shepard returned to his cabin, closed the door and finally slumped just a little. He'd been standing tense for so long it was good to finally be alone and relax. He cracked his neck and headed to his console. He was restless. It would be about eight hours until they finally hit the Mu Relay, and then their last chance of winning this fight would begin. There was no turning back. The entire ship and everyone on it had gone rogue at his behest. They were mutineers. There was no telling what would happen to everyone when they got back.

If they got back.

Shepard knew this was risky, even for someone in his line of work. He thought of his crew then. Chakwas, Wesson, Fitzer, even Freddie, the housekeeper had barely batted an eye at the notion of disobeying direct orders and heading straight into the heart of the most dangerous mission imaginable. He felt a pang of guilt as he leaned on his desk and exhaled. All their lives were in his hands now. It shouldn't have been any different from any other ship, any other crew, but it was. And like everything else, it felt heavy.

He glanced at the holo monitor. He knew he had messages. There were surely lots of them, all from the brass, all no doubt asking what the hell he was doing. He wished he knew the answer. For the moment though, he was choosing to ignore the alerts. Fuck it, he thought. For better or worse it would all be over in a few hours.

And if it was going to be over, he needed to spend time with Ashley. It was that simple. He suddenly felt panicked, rushed, as if every second he stood there at his desk was a wasted one not being near her. He felt compelled to go to her before they got to Ilos. He thought of their brief non-kiss in the garage just before Joker had interrupted them. It was enough to send him resolutely striding to the door. No more hesitation. No more rules.

As he opened the door he came face to face with Ash, who looked a little surprised. She smiled at him. He smiled back.

"Hey," He greeted. "I was just coming to see you."

"What a coincidence." He stood aside as she entered and closed the door behind her. "Big day, huh Skipper?"

He scoffed quietly. "Yeah something like that." Then it really occurred to him. "You know you don't have to call me that anymore. I'm no more Commander than I am a Hanar. I probably shouldn't even be wearing this uniform." He felt a wave of sadness wash over him. He was Alliance through and through. To think he might not be after this was hard. He even found himself wondering what his mother must be thinking at this moment.

Ashley took a few steps into the room and finally turned to him. "We had to do this, Shepard. You know that."

"I know," he sighed. "Just wish it hadn't have come to this."

"But it did." She stepped close to him. "We'll get home again Shepard. I believe you'll lead us through." She smiled just a little. "And you'll always be the Skipper to me. O Captain, my captain." She smiled bigger then, prompting him to smile as well.

"Whitman right?" he asked.

"Ah, you know it." She beamed, his answer seeming to impress her.

Shepard's eyes narrowed. "Doesn't the….Captain die at the end of that one?"

She laughed uncomfortably. "Uh…hm… I guess maybe I'll stick to Tennyson." She smiled. "I'm not a word person Shepard. Other people say what I mean better than I do."

"I don't know, Williams," he teased. "You've never seemed to have a problem speaking your mind."

They both laughed softly and then she looked at him. "Death closes all. But something ere the end some work of noble note may yet be done. Not unbecoming men that strove with gods. There. That one better?"

"Are you saying I walk among the gods?" he laughed.

She smacked his chest playfully. "Don't go getting' a big head now." They shared a warm gaze for a moment and then she looked tense, like she needed to get something off of her chest.

"I was thinking about what you said," she started. "Earlier when you told me the past didn't matter and I needed to move on and realize some things about myself."

He shook his head. "Ash, that came out harsh." He stepped toward her and touched her arm. "Emotions were running high after... I didn't mean to sound like a jerk."

"But you were right," She admitted. "I have been letting it hold me back." She stood tall and took a deep breath. "My family's past...my past... it's been a weight I haven't been able to shake. It just seems to get heavier the harder I try to move forward sometimes." She fidgeted with the corner of the table. She was opening up and he could tell it was hard for her. "I've spent my whole life fighting to get what I want. To get it done," she paused and looked down for just a second. "Well I had to bury a lot of things. Maybe I'll tell you about all that sometime, but..." She looked at him. "In all that time...I never really felt like I was worth what I was fighting for. Not until now." Her eyes softened and she continued very softly. "You make me feel good enough."

She looked so vulnerable then, her eyes fixed on his. It was a side of her he knew few people were lucky enough to see. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. His response to her admission felt as natural as anything as he moved in confidently to place his lips on hers, his hands finding the sides of her face and holding her there gently. She returned the kiss with equal affection, her own hands quickly finding their way to his chest to rest there. After letting themselves indulge in the gentle movements of something long anticipated, their lips finally parted and Shepard pulled back to look at her.

"About damn time," She whispered, smiling. He took a short moment to look at her, to run his thumb gently over her cheekbone as his other hand found her waist. The air changed. It felt charged, thick with something more than their sudden sweet affection for each other. She felt it too. Her eyes had changed, mirroring his own and her pillowy lips formed a mischievous smirk he'd come to love. Her hands traveled over his shoulders, her fingers finally grazing the back of his neck. It sent an ache through him from that smacked all his tactile senses to life. Pressing her body lightly to him, she placed a teasing, soft kiss on his lips. They grazed his lightly as she whispered, "You're not gonna stop there, are you?"

"Wasn't plannin' on it," he replied simply in a quiet tone before kissing her again and wrapping both his arms around her.

They pulled each other close, falling into a steadily escalating rhythm of kisses and caresses finally manifesting in the crescendo of breathless stages of partial clothing removal. She felt good in his arms, exciting, comforting. He let himself enjoy the whims of her aggressive nature as she eventually steered him backward toward the bed. He appreciated that she wasn't shy about what she wanted, and he certainly hadn't expected her to be. Before he knew it he was on his back looking up at her, her soft hair, now free of its bun, falling elegantly forward as she kissed him again. He buried his fingers in the soft dark curls, pulling her mouth to his own once again. He took a moment to enjoy her weight on him enjoyed the feeling of the soft skin on her shoulders and back under his palms. In a smooth motion he rolled them over, hearing her sigh softly beneath him before he went in for another kiss.

It was a culmination of months of mutual want of each other, their time together transforming often, an ebb and flow of frenzy, gentle connection, playful competition and places in between that made Shepard feel dizzy and coaxed breathless affirmations from Ashley. At the close of their session, and after a few long moments of close kisses, ragged breath, and quiet recovery, they parted, finding a position on their sides, facing each other.

As they lay there, Shepard closed his eyes for a moment and enjoyed the stillness, the quiet of the room. The lately constant noise in his head had been replaced by the sound of the hum of the ship. He found her eyes again when he opened his and he let his fingers trail over her shoulder and arm, prompting a smile to spread to her flushed cheeks.

"That was-"

"Yeah," he cut her off. They shared a breathless laugh before she kissed him sweetly, settling into his arms more.

"We're breaking all kinds of regs today," Ash whispered.

"It's funny," he joked. "I don't seem to care right now." She giggled then, a rare and beautiful sound he thought. He smiled.

"Me neither," she agreed.

He pushed an errant strand of hair away from her cheekbone. "God damn, you're beautiful," he stated simply. She smiled a little, her brown eyes catching his in an appreciative smolder for a moment.

"Gettin' all mushy on me?" She smiled.

He smiled. "Maybe just a little. That so bad?"

She shook her head. "No. I like it." She took a breath. "I meant what I said you know," Her hand rested on his chest. He felt her tracing a scar there with her fingertip. "About believing we'll get through this, about believing we'll come back."

His fingertips trailed down her side and over the curve of her hip. "I know," he said.

She closed her eyes at his touch and smiled. "That feels nice."

He half smiled at her, continuing his light strokes at her encouragement. "I'm glad you're here," he said simply.

She smiled again, then chuckled and opened her eyes. "I think you made that pretty obvious."

"I like to get my point across," he quipped, adding a playful barely here wink.

"Mmm," she cooed. "Repeatedly it seems." She gave him a sultry kiss and ran her hand teasingly down the side of his stomach. He snatched it playfully just before it reached its intended destination.

"Easy, Chief" He rolled her onto her back, pinning her with half of his body, the delightfully trespassing hand now pinned next to her head. He interlocked his fingers with hers. "Tryin' to kill me?" he asked huskily.

She smiled up at him defiantly. "Just pushing the limits of physical training, sir." He laughed. She couldn't fool him. He knew she was exhausted. He was exhausted. Aside from the most recent, most happy reason, Shepard knew neither of them had slept more than a few hours in the last 48 at least. The last few days had been unduly harsh on both of them. He finally released her hand and moved his to her stomach. His lips found her neck, then her upper chest. She sighed happily as she relaxed under his touch. "This room needs a skylight," she breathed.

"I'll talk to the brass," he said between a couple more light kisses below her ear and on her jaw.

She laughed. "And why not? You can make whatever demands you want now."

He laid on his back next to her, joining her in staring at the ceiling. "Yeah I guess so," he sighed. "Didn't really see my time with the Alliance ending like this."

She paused a moment. "I probably should have seen this coming for me..." She chuckled, but he got the sense she was overcompensating for her sadness at the whole thing. He decided not to ask for further elaboration.

"Guess I never really thought about how it all would end. My career I mean." He put one arm behind his head to rest on it, still staring at the ceiling, suddenly wishing that it did actually have a skylight.

"Never saw yourself behind a desk or hanging in the officers' lounge?" Ash asked.

"No," he answered simply. "Hard to imagine it actually."

"Same here. What do you think will happen when we get back?"

"Depends on how we get back I guess. Come back the conquering heroes and maybe we'll just get a slap on the wrist. Blow it all to hell and we'll either end up dead or... maybe we can all... start a band or something."

They both laughed. "Oh god," She said. "Trust me, you don't want me to sing anything."

"You can't sing and I can't dance. Guess our only option is to win this fight." He turned his head to look at her. She did the same.

She propped herself up on her elbow, hovering over him, a smile on her face. "Then I guess that's what we'll have to do," she said. She leaned down to kiss him, letting her lips linger for a few seconds. Then she sat up, stood and padded barefoot toward the bathroom. He watched, his attention grabbed by her curves in the dim light and then he laid back on the bed and closed his eyes. His relaxation didn't last more than a minute before he got antsy. He started thinking of Ilos again and turned to see his omni tool sitting on his desk. He sighed, defeated by his need to work and stood. He took a few steps toward his desk, picked it up and activated it, the orange glow showing a multitude of messages he'd gotten. He took a few minutes to scroll through, lamenting the stupidity of everyone involved in the politics of it all. The Council could kiss his ass. He and his crew were doing the right thing. He felt sure of it. And at the moment he wasn't at all sorry. He sighed again when he felt Ash's arms wrap around him from behind.

She kissed his shoulder. "Back to work already?" She asked.

He turned to her, putting the omni tool down. "Habit," he said simply. He put his arms around her, pushing her hair back behind one of her smooth shoulders. She smiled up at him, her arms firmly around his middle.

Then her smile faded slightly. "How long until we hit the relay?" She asked.

"About seven hours." She nodded, looking up at him. "Should try to rest," he said, though he knew he wouldn't sleep. He hoped she would.

"Okay," she said quietly. He led her back to the bed, turned down the rumpled sheet and blanket and they climbed in, positioning themselves so that his arm enveloped her and her head rested on his chest. The physical comfort of her body pressed to him was enough to make all his muscles relax for the first time in what felt like weeks. He placed his hand over hers on his chest and squeezed with his other arm for a second. After a quiet moment, she spoke again in barely a whisper. "This is gonna be a hard fight," she said.

He paused a moment, then responded in an equally quiet whisper. "I'm glad to have you at my back, Ash. Means a lot."

"All the way to the end," she whispered sleepily. He could tell her eyes had closed. Her body had taken on the relaxed weight of someone who was just about to go to sleep. Rather than respond with words, Shepard simply used the next few minutes to relax in this temporary bliss. After a few quiet minutes of listening to her breathing, he could tell that she'd finally slipped into a restful sleep. He finally closed his own eyes, not expecting to sleep much if at all. His last thought was one of pleasant surprise as exhaustion overcame him and he found himself slipping into a much needed slumber.

* * *

Freddie felt useless at the moment as she headed to the mess hall. She wasn't a soldier. She wasn't an engineer. What was she even doing here? She hadn't even hesitated when the Commander had asked so much of the crew. She hadn't even been afraid. He had that effect on people. But she was afraid now. She thought maybe cleaning something would help her calm down. She knew how stupid that sounded, but she didn't care. She was freaking out, very quietly. What would happen to her mothers and sisters who depended on her? The Alliance paid her well for a housekeeper, particularly since she was on the Normandy. She hoped her mother wouldn't be too disappointed in her.

In the mess hall she found Wesson, sitting alone with a cup of tea. Her eyes looked red. Freddie wasn't stupid. She knew that Wesson and Lt. Alenko had liked each other. She didn't know to what extent they had been involved, but clearly Wesson was hurting. Freddie forced a smile.

"Hi Lisa," She said.

Wesson looked at her and smiled back. "Hey Freddie." She took a breath. "Crazy day huh?"

"You can say that again." She sat down next to her. "You okay?"

Wesson nodded. "Yeah. Just the stress of everything is getting to me. This whole plan is so crazy. How can we even win this?" She sipped her tea, as if there was some kind of calm in the bottom of the cup she was trying to suck up.

Freddie sighed. She decided to default to her positive and chipper demeanor. "It'll be okay," she said, not really believing it. "You'll see. We'll all get out of this."

Wesson paused. "Not everyone got out of this..."

Freddie cringed just a little, then nodded. "Yeah...Lieutenant Alenko... It's terrible."

"Yep," Wesson said simply.

"You two...were close weren't you?" Freddie almost regretting asking as soon as it came out.

Wesson shook her head. "No. Not really." She messed with the string of her tea bag. "He was tough to gauge sometimes. But I think we both…wanted to be closer." Freddie sat quietly for a moment not really knowing what to say and then Wesson stood. "I gotta get some sleep. Some of the others are down in the garage playing cards and drinking if you wanna join them. I think they even got the Krogan in on it."

Freddie smiled. "I may wander down in a bit. Maybe take my mind off things."

"Yeah I guess that's the point." Wesson sighed. "I'll see you later."

"Bye." After Wesson walked off, Freddie looked around. No one was on this level of the ship it seemed, the majority of them either sleeping, or working or getting drunk in the garage. She knew they were all preparing for the worst in their own way. It had been a glum couple of hours. She didn't even notice she was crying until the tears ran down her cheeks, and then she just let herself cry it out alone at the mess hall table. She'd never been so scared in her life. After a few minutes she managed to calm herself down and take a few deep breaths. Crying wouldn't help anything no matter how scared she was. She had a job and she was going to do it. She stood and headed to the crew quarters. It was time to sleep and then see what she could do to help in a few hours.

* * *

Corporal Haines hit the ground with a thud. He looked up at Garrus, his eyes looking like they were trying hard to focus on the Turian looming over him. Garrus extended his rough clawed hand down and offered it to Haines. He took it, allowing the Turian to help him up.

"I told you," Garrus said. "You're leaving your side open too much. If I'd had a standard military issue knife you'd be cut to the core right now."

Haines bent and caught his breath. "Good thing we're friends then. I think I'm out for the count after that one. Between you and Williams I've had my fair share of getting my ass kicked sparring."

Garrus chuckled and patted him on the back. "Fair enough. Who's up?" Garrus had noticed the mood of the entire crew after they'd left the Citadel. They were tense, edgy, and anxious. There was no good way for them to blow off steam or keep from focusing on the impending fight. And they were still hours away from Ilos. Garrus had dragged the sparring mats from the gym into the larger garage area and told everyone to meet him there. Several of the crew had shown up. Haines, Fitzer, Tang, the guard from the CIC. Garrus thought his name was Rob but he couldn't remember. He hadn't talked to him much. Even Pressly had come down and Wrex was watching and occasionally laughing to himself over the no doubt pathetic display of hand to hand maneuvers.

"I'll take a crack at it," Pressly said standing up. The rest of the crew let out a series of whoops and hollers as the older man stepped forward to the mat. Garrus was surprised to see him do so.

He liked Pressly, though the two of them had clearly had distaste for each other in the beginning. Pressly had even said that he didn't like Turians right to Garrus' face and Garrus had bitten back with a few choice comments of his own. Over the months the back and forth barbs had seemed to take on a more jovial tone and Garrus had no doubt now that Pressly sort of enjoyed his company sometimes. They'd even gotten drunk one night in the mess together.

They'd talked about the First Contact War, debated on politics and interspecies relations. It had ended in a bit of a fight, but after that Pressly had seemed much less hostile to Garrus.

"Don't hurt yourself, old man," Garrus joked.

Pressly put his fists up. "I'll try not so scrape my knuckles on your leather face."

"Haa…" Came a low rumble of a laugh from Wrex. "Good one."

Garrus was surprised at how quickly the old man could move. He dodged and rolled with the agility of a much younger man. Each of them landed a few pulled punches to their bodies, their somewhat inebriated audience cheering them both on.

"You move fast for a chubby human," Garrus quipped.

"I have to," Pressly said with some effort, blocking a punch from Garrus. "You move and look like some sort of cricket dinosaur bird thing."

"At least I'm not bald," Garrus grunted, delivering a punch to Pressly's ribs.

"You're still an ugly son of a bitch."

They continued back and forth in this manner until Garrus felt his muscles burning. He hadn't anticipated Pressly being so spry. He lost his concentration for just a moment and felt a hard jab to his mandible. Before he could think about it he responded in kind with a hard punch to Pressly's mouth.

"Ow!" Pressly howled and held his face. "All right Vakarian you win god dammit!"

Garrus hadn't really meant to punch him that hard in the face, but now Pressly's lip was split and bleeding.

"Sorry Pressly."

Wrex laughed again. "Looks like you scraped your face on his leather knuckles."

"Shut up, you overgrown hunchback," Pressly said with great effort, his lip now swollen.

Garrus felt pretty bad. "I really didn't mean to do that, Pressly."

Pressly waved a hand dismissively. "Eh don't worry about it. It'll heal."

Haines was up and looking at his lip now. "Looks like you'll need a stitch or two."

Pressly sighed. "I'll head up to the med bay and get Chakwas to do it."

"Oh that's not an option," Sheshi said, swigging from her bottle of whiskey. "I went in a little while ago and she and Dr. Tsoni were through pretty much a whole bottle of booze already. Both of them were wasted. And giggling."

Garrus laughed to himself. "I can't picture either one of them giggling or even drinking for that matter."

Sheshi shrugged. "It's a weird day."

"They're probably sleeping it off already," Haines said. He clapped Pressly on the shoulder. "Come on. I'll stitch you up."

Garrus watched them walk off and then the rest of the bunch seemed to stand up all at once.

"I should probably get some sleep," Fitzer said.

"Yeah me too," Sheshi got up and put her arm around him. "Thanks Garrus. This was fun."

Garrus smiled at all of them as they turned and walked out. He supposed it was time to get some rest himself.

"Only a few hours until we get to go break things for real," Wrex said, approaching Garrus. "I'm saving my energy for that." He grabbed the bottle of Turian liquor that was sitting near the edge of the mat and took a long swig. Then he handed it to Garrus. "Here's to getting Saren's head and putting it on a spike."

Garrus took the bottle. "Here's to that," he said putting the bottle to his own mouth. He glanced at his unlikely brother in arms then and nodded before walking off to get to sleep.

* * *

Ash's eyes reluctantly creaked open. She felt like she had just had the best sleep of her life. As she stirred a little, she made sure she hadn't drooled on the pillow, and then she remembered where she was and smiled. She rolled slightly under the sheet to the empty spot next to her where Shepard had been. As she sat up she saw him, leaning against his desk, fully dressed and looking at her. She stretched her neck, holding the white sheet up to her chest.

"Hey," She greeted.

"Hey," he said back.

She raised an eyebrow. "Just how long have you been sitting there watching me sleep?"

He smiled. "I only got up a few minutes ago." He walked toward her and sat on the edge of the bed close to her.

"Did you sleep?" She asked.

He nodded. "Yeah. I did. Feels like the first time in days."

She grinned. "Guess we found the perfect sleep aid."

He smiled. "I guess so. You were really out."

She wrinkled her nose. "Was I snoring?"

"No. No snoring. Do you normally snore?" Their hands instinctually found each other on the bed and clasped. She looked down at them and ran her thumb over his knuckles.

"Not that I know of, but I don't normally do a lot of things I've been doing lately."

He nodded and looked serious. "Well if you continue doing some of the things you did last night every once in a while I'll be a very happy man."

Ash laughed. "Yeah I bet." She leaned forward and kissed his lips, the smell of his skin filling her nose. "Gives whole new meaning to 'on the floor and give me twenty' huh?" She chuckled.

He kissed her, his words muffled by her lips. "I think it was more like three or four," he joked, though the number wasn't inaccurate. Her body shuddered happily at the memory as she finished her kiss.

"Well we were tired," Ash smirked and then giggled as she saw the corner of his mouth turn up - Her favorite one of his smiles. "How long did we sleep?" she asked, her smile suddenly fading. She had unrealistically hoped the clock would have magically stopped.

Shepard's smile left as well. "We should be there any minute. You ready for this?"

"You know it." She took a deep breath. "Shepard..." She wasn't sure she really had a thought beyond that, but it didn't matter as Joker's voice rang loud and clear over the comm.

"Bridge to Commander Shepard. We're five minutes out from the Mu Relay. Just thought you'd like to know."

"Be right there," Shepard said. He looked at her, his blue eyes softening to an affectionate sadness, a clear reluctance to leave her. They each leaned forward then for a long last kiss, her hand finding the stubble on his face. Eyes closed, she put her forehead to his then reluctantly pulled back from him.

"Better go..." She forced a smile.

He nodded. "I'll see you up here." He broke eye contact, stood, and walked toward the door. She watched him leave then took a long deep breath. This was it. The team had to be ready. They had to be focused. She needed to be focused.

She threw the sheet off of her and went quickly searching for her uniform, various parts of it scattered throughout the cabin. When she had collected it, she took it to the bathroom, dressed and smoothed her long hair back into her signature bun. After splashing some water on her face she took a long look at herself in the mirror.

"All right. Let's do this, Williams." She turned then, and walked out, headed directly for the bridge with renewed purpose.

By the time she got up there everyone was already yelling. Ilos was in view out the window and they were approaching fast.

"Have their sensors picked us up yet?" Liara asked.

Joker turned to her. "No. Stealth systems are engaged. Unless they look out the window they won't have any idea we're here."

Ashley glanced around the room and then out the window. There was Ilos and several geth ships in its orbit. She looked at Shepard, who looked to be thinking. She turned when Pressly spoke.

"Picking up some strange readings from the planet's surface," he said.

"All right take us down Joker," Shepard ordered. "Lock in in those coordinates."

"Negative on that, Commander," Pressly interjected. "The nearest landing zone's two klicks away."

Ashley spoke up then. "We'll never make it in time on foot. We have to find something closer."

"There is nowhere closer! I've looked!" Ash noticed the stitches in Pressly's lip but had no time to wonder how he got them.

"So we don't land," Shepard said firmly. "Drop us in the Mako."

Pressly let out an aggressively exasperated noise. "You need at least a hundred meters of open terrain for a drop. The most I can find near Saren is twenty."

Ash's heart sank. "Twenty meters? No way we can make a drop in there."

Liara looked at her. "We have to try!"

Tali spoke up then. "The descent angle's too steep."

"It's our only option." Liara insisted.

There was silence then for a moment as everyone looked to Shepard, realizing it was pointless to argue among themselves. He looked like he was about to say something but Joker interrupted.

"I can do it," Joker said behind gritted teeth. They all looked at him. Ash's stomach turned a little at the thought, but there was a part of her that wanted to believe he could drop them without killing them.

Shepard looked at Joker. "Joker?" He asked.

"I can do it," Joker repeated.

After a tense moment, Shepard finally nodded and bellowed. "Gear up and get down to the Mako. Joker, drop us right on top of that bastard."

Without a moment's hesitation the rest of them went running for their gear and the garage. Ashley thought she'd never moved so quickly in all her life. This was it. It was finally happening. They would either die on the descent or make it down and come face to face with Saren. It all came down to this. And she was ready.


	22. From the Wreckage

**Chapter 22: From the Wreckage**

Shepard awoke with a start just as he saw the rubble of Sovereign descending upon him. He blinked and looked around. He was in his hospital bed, the light from the window pouring into his private room. He exhaled in relief and lay back in his bed.

It was over. He looked at the time. He'd apparently slept for several hours. The twelve or so hours leading up to his hospitalization were a blur to him. Ilos, Vigil, the true fate of the Protheans. Saren's suicide, Sovereign, the battle that rocked the Citadel in what seemed like a blink of an eye. _Dear God_, he thought. Williams had even driven the Mako through the relay. He was surprised they had even survived that much, let alone the full scale war path cut by the geth on the Citadel. The aftermath of the fight was all around them; Wreckage, the smell of burning, search and rescue operations. Parts of the Citadel were in shambles. He marveled at how quickly a battle could happen, how fast it could start, how many lives it could claim and then how instantly it could be over and quiet again.

His head pounded as he reached for the glass of water on his night stand. He knew he had a concussion. He had had enough in his career to know the signs of it. The last thing he really remembered was clumsily emerging from the wreckage of Sovereign and staggering toward the blurry figures of Ashley, Liara, Wrex, Anderson and a few others. It hurt to breathe. He definitely had a few cracked ribs, another feeling he was familiar with. His fingers were taped together and his face felt it had been stomped on. He was sure it was black and blue. He touched an obvious bandage over what felt like stitches on his forehead. He'd really taken a beating. He wondered how everyone else had fared. They'd all seemed to be upright when he'd last seen them so that was encouraging.

He drank his glass of water quickly, the coolness of it traveling down to his belly. It was the most refreshing thing he'd ever tasted. He took a moment to relax back and take a breath, and then he got restless. He was a horrible patient and he knew it. There was no IV keeping him tethered to his bed, so he cautiously flung the sheet off of his legs and swung them around to the side of the bed. He was wearing the typical hospital pajama pants and cotton shirt. Clearly someone had helped him into them in his sorry state. He stood cautiously and took a few steps toward the window where he had to brace himself from a mild bout of dizziness.

"Shouldn't you be in bed?" Came a voice from the door. Shepard smiled at the sound of her voice and turned to find Ash approaching from the doorway. She wore her Alliance dress uniform, dark blue, crisply shaped with gold piping. She looked pristine and professional aside from some light bruising on her face and a cut on her lower lip.

"Hey," He managed.

She tilted her head. "Seriously, you shouldn't be up. You have a head injury."

"I have a hard head. I'm fine." He crossed his arms, just barely managing to not wobble with another wave of dizziness.

She smirked. "Yeah you were 'fine' when you collapsed earlier too. You bashed your head hard." She exhaled. "Guess that's what happens when a hull of a ship lands on you."

Shepard abandoned his struggle to stay sturdy and leaned against the wall. "Guess I got lucky."

"Yeah. I'll say," Scoffed Ashley.

"Hope I wasn't too much trouble." He continued. He had underestimated his headache, but was far too stubborn to actually sit down yet. "I don't remember anything between seeing you guys and...now."

Ashley laughed and produced a small bag from behind her back. "So you don't remember asking for this?"

The smell of food hit his nose and he raised an eyebrow. "Chief?"

"It's a burger. Real beef." She handed it to him and giggled. "You seemed really insistent about it as they were carrying you off. I had to smuggle it in for you."

"I...I asked for a burger?" Shepard asked, slightly confused.

"Yep. When Anderson asked how you were feeling you grabbed his arm and said 'would feel better with a burger. Real one. Not the synth crap. I'm serious. This is important.'" She laughed. He smiled at her impression of him. "And then you passed out."

"I did not..." Shepard was a little embarrassed.

"Oh, you did." She shrugged. "In any case I thought I would pick one up for you."

Shepard chuckled, a mistake that had his ribs screaming. He took the bag and opened it, the smell of it making his mouth water. He had no idea why he would have asked for a burger in his delirious state. It wasn't as if it was even his favorite food, but the thought of a real burger made his stomach growl. He looked at her. "Thank you. Where did you even find this? Not a whole lot of cows on the Citadel."

She sighed. "Wasn't easy, but I figured it was the least I could do. You're welcome." They smiled warmly at each other for a moment. "I'm on my way to meet with Alliance Defense. They're getting everyone's statement one by one."

Shepard grumbled. "I can't wait for those meetings. Hey have you heard anything about when I can get out of here?"

"Be patient, Shepard. Paperwork and bureaucracy aren't going anywhere. And you need to rest."

"Really I feel fine." Shepard lied.

"Shepard..." She raised her eyebrow at him skeptically. "You're clinging to the wall like it's a girlfriend."

He noticed he was and quickly took his hand off the support. "No I'm not." Ashley shook her head at him.

"Sir," said a stern voice from the doorway. "You need to get back in bed!" A nurse walked over to the two of them, a scolding look on her face.

Shepard shrugged. "I'm feeling much better."

The nurse put her hands on her hips and Shepard saw Ash stifle a laugh behind him. "Sir you have a serious head injury. You'll be here for another day at least so I suggest you have someone bring you some playing cards or a book or something, but get back into bed now please." She pointed to the bed. Shepard looked at her, then to Ash who also gestured for him to climb back into bed.

He scowled a little. "Yes ma'am," he said quietly and reluctantly got back in, the nurse quickly and efficiently placing the sheet back over his legs.

"Thank you." The nurse did a quick check of his chart. "Just relax, soldier," she said in a more calm tone. "You'll be back in the fight in no time." She patted his shoulder and walked out briskly.

Shepard sighed. He looked to Ash as she approached. She stood next to his bed and lightly grasped his hand at his side. She squeezed gently, and then let it lay there a moment, the quiet gesture filling Shepard with a sense of comfort.

"Tell me how it goes with the meeting?" He asked quietly.

She nodded. "Definitely. I'll come by tomorrow. Get some rest, Skipper." She smiled and released his hand, headed for the door.

"Hey Ash," he called. She turned. "We really did it, right? This isn't a dream?"

"Yeah," she said softly. "We did it, Shepard." They shared another short moment of eye contact before Ash turned and headed out the door.

Shepard relaxed back in his bed and closed his eyes with a sigh. "We did it," he repeated softly. _For now._Nothing was over, he told himself. It was all just beginning. He took the burger out of its bag, unwrapped it and took a bite.

* * *

Ash needed a good stiff drink. Her meeting with Alliance Defense had gone well as far as she could tell, but it had taken the better part of four hours. They'd taken her statement, her record of everything from Eden Prime to Ilos. They'd asked questions. She'd answered as well as she could. She figured honesty was the best policy. The truth was always the easiest story to remember. That's what her mother had always told her. She was unapologetic about disobeying direct orders to follow Shepard. She defended him with everything she had. She defended the crew and tried to keep her temper in check when they insinuated possible treasonous charges. In her own way, and possibly more bluntly than they would have liked, she told them they would be stupid to discharge any of the Normandy's crew. The Alliance had lost a lot of good people in the battle of the Citadel, and they needed the rest of them more than ever.

As she exited the conference room finally, she looked at her omni-tool. There was a message from Sheshi.

_Hey Williams. We're getting boozed up to wash the stink of red tape off of us. Meet us at Flannery's in the Wards. Let's get rocked. - Sheshi_

She smiled. That sounded perfect, but first she needed to make a call. She headed for the nearest public communication booth and stepped inside, shutting the door behind her. The noise of the Citadel's presidium was completely shut out in the sound proof booth, which had two seats and a console for making video calls.

She entered her sister Lynn's number on the console, cringed at the amount of credits she saw funneling from her credit device and waited as the call was connected. Finally, Lynn's face appeared on the screen.

"Hellooooo?" Lynn said. She was already smiling, causing Ash to grin as well.

"Lynn!" She squealed.

"Oh my god!" Lynn squealed in an equally high pitch. Ashley was grateful for the soundproofing on the booth. "Oh my god!" She repeated. "Ashie! Holy hell, mama it's about time you called!"

Ash laughed. She could already feel the tears stinging her eyes. "Oh god it's so good to see you and hear your voice."

"We've been worried, Ash."

Ashley sighed. "I know. I'm sorry. I haven't had a single moment until now. Things have been crazy."

Lynn nodded. "We saw the news. My God, the Citadel. And you were right in the middle of it. I'm so glad you're okay."

Ash smiled. "I'm fine. Lots of losses though, but we came out on top in the end."

"Yeah." Lynn furrowed her brow. "What was that ship thing? It's weird enough that the geth were around. I looked them up. I thought they hadn't been around in a long time right? And they brought that big ship?"

Ash thought it best not to try to explain Sovereign, the geth and The Reapers over a public terminal. She just shook her head. "The details aren't important right now. I just wanted to talk to you. I was gonna call Mom, but I wasn't sure she'd be home at this hour. How's London?"

"It's awesome. The company has me here for now, but I think I'm gonna transfer to San Diego. Wanted to be closer to Abby. We're trying to get Sarah and Mom to move here, finally leave Amaterasu. It's just so far away."

Ash nodded. "Yeah it would be nice to have everyone in one place again. I'll work on her too. I think she's reluctant to leave Dad."

"Yeah. So where are you now? On the Citadel? What's the damage there?"

"It's bad, but they're already working on cleaning it up. I just got out of an hours long meeting with the brass. I'm exhausted." Ash sat back. "Gonna meet the Normandy guys for drinks after this. They deserve the down time."

"How is Commander Shepard?" Lynn asked. "The news said he was injured but there weren't any more details."

Ash smiled. "He's fine. I went to see him in the hospital a little while ago. Should be back on his feet in no time."

"You guys seem pretty close." Lynn was baiting her a little. Ashley could never say much over official Alliance emails but she had talked quite a bit about Shepard and her admiration for him.

"What makes you say that?" Ash asked.

Lynn gave her a withering look. "You practically gush about him in your emails."

Ash made a face. "I do not." She shrugged. "Okay I've been complimentary about him to you, but..." she suddenly got worried. "Was it really that obvious?"

Lynn crossed her arms. "Only to me. To anyone else I'm sure it just looked like you reeeeallly respected your Commander."

Ashley laughed. "Good."

Lynn prompted her. "So? What's up with that?"

Ashley considered deflecting, but she suddenly realized it would be nice to talk about. She took a deep breath.

"We _are_close," she said. "As close as you can be in our situation anyway I guess." She shrugged.

"Have to keep it secret right?"

"Well it's not just that. That's part of it I suppose." Ashley thought. "And it's pretty new. I guess. Well I mean there's always been...something... but it only recently got y'know...extra complicated."

Lynn figured it out. "Ohhhh. So..."

"Yeah..."

"Well I don't blame you," Lynn added. "He's pretty hot." She paused. "Sooo...I'm sensing this is more than just a fling am I right?"

Ash shook her head. "I don't really know what it is to be honest. And I don't know where it will go or if it will go anywhere or if I even want that... or if he does." She sighed. "Extreme circumstances, you know? Tends to skew your perception of things."

"I get it," Lynn said gently. "But there's a connection? Something that makes you happy?"

Ash smiled. "Yeah...Yeah I think so." She rolled her eyes. "I just can't really think about it right now."

"Well you guys should talk about it. And keep me in the loop. At least one of us should be going on dates."

Ashley laughed. "Yeah they're not really dates. They're more like ops that end with us shooting at people. Anyway I thought you were dating that Brad guy."

Lynn groaned. "Yeah that didn't work out. He chews with his mouth open."

Ash giggled. "You're so picky." She glanced at the time. "Shit. This call is costing me a fortune."

"Gotta run?"

"Yeah." She looked at her sister. It had done her a world of good to talk with her. "Give my love to everyone okay? I'll try to send a group email out soon. I miss you guys."

Lynn smiled. "We miss you too. Stay safe all right?"

Ash nodded. "I will. Talk soon."

Lynn waved. "Bye sis."

As Ashley disconnected she sat back on the seat. She felt lighter, invigorated. The meeting had sapped all her energy and talking with Lynn had recharged her. She didn't know what she would do without her family. She exited the booth and headed for the Alliance bunk house on the Citadel. She was going to get changed into some civvies and go get wasted. And she didn't feel a bit guilty about it.

* * *

Liara entered Flannery's and looked around. She'd gotten a message from Teng that the crew was meeting there. She saw the lot of them at a big table near the back and headed toward them. Everyone was there it seemed. Even Freddie, the shy housekeeper. She was beaming ear to ear as she sipped the fruity drink in front of her. Liara heard Fitzer laughing loudly, his voice cutting through the crowded bar. He had a shrill laugh, but it made Liara smile. Garrus was gesturing emphatically about something, obviously telling an exciting tale. He had the rest of them in stitches. Ashley's face was red, Tali looked doubled over with laughter, and even Joker was grinning.

The weight that had been lifted off of the shoulders of the Normandy's crew was immense. Liara reminded herself that it was temporary relief. It would be an uphill battle. She had been alive long enough to know that the political resistance would be annoying. Then, of course, there was the real issue - the Reapers were still out there somewhere, and killing one of them didn't mean they were planning on abandoning their mission any time soon.

She thought of Shepard. She hadn't been to see him yet. She'd wanted to give him his space to rest and get better, but she'd also wanted to keep a respectable distance because of Ashley, whom she knew had probably already visited him. Shepard must have been happy to have won this fight, but she knew he was a man with a long vision. She knew he wouldn't be able to laugh and cavort like his crew. Regardless of the victory, he still had a burden to bear, and she wished she could ease it. She shook off the thought. That was not her job.

She pushed it all to the back of her mind. She was here to have fun. Ashley had spotted her and was waving her over. She smiled and approached. Though they'd had their differences, the final fight had been hard, and they had worked together well. She reminded herself to cut loose tonight. Aside from her appointment to talk with Alliance Defense tomorrow, she didn't have a care in the world.

"Make that seven!" Joker shouted to the waitress as he saw Liara approach. "Seven of the whiskey shots." Liara saw the waitress nod and walk off.

"Don't forget the dextro one!" Garrus called after.

She smiled at Joker. "Getting one for me?"

Joker scratched his beard. "Unless you don't want one. I mean if you'd rather be a bummer."

"No way," Haines interjected. He pointed to Liara. "This one put a whole bottle away with Chakwas the other night. I saw it."

"Here I thought you'd be a lightweight, Dr. Tsoni," Fitzer joked.

She smiled. "I haven't lived an entire century without learning a few things about holding my liquor." She sat down in the booth next to Ashley. "How was your meeting today?"

Ashley shrugged. "I think it went well. They don't show much on their faces. Just ask questions and then stare at you." She sipped her beer. "Glad it's over though."

"I have mine tomorrow." Joker said. "That should be fun."

"I do too," Freddie added. "I'm nervous."

"Don't be," Tali said. Liara noticed she didn't have a drink. "Just answer truthfully and don't let them intimidate you. I was out of there in an hour."

"Yeah, me too." Sheshi said, taking a swig of her beer.

"I was in there a half hour tops," Haines said.

"What?" Ashley squeaked. "What the hell? What did they even ask you?"

Haines shook his head. "Not much. I mean I wasn't ground side with you guys ever. You were in there awhile I take it, Williams?"

"Yeah." She drank.

"How is Shepard?" Liara asked Ashley. Everyone looked to her, expectantly.

Ashley looked a little uncomfortable at this. "Uh, he's good. I dropped by on my way to the meeting. Just for a minute. You guys should go by tomorrow."

"I stopped by earlier on my way to C-Sec," Garrus said. "He was pretty medicated." He laughed.

"I suppose a head injury can do that," Liara added smiling. "I'm glad he's doing all right. Perhaps I'll drop by later."

"He sent me a message asking to bring him his datapads so he could finish some paperwork." Sheshi added. "Guy must be climbin' the walls if he's actively trying to do reports."

Tali laughed. "Yes, I think he's been texting everyone. Must be bored to death."

The shots arrived at the table and everyone happily picked one up, including Liara.

"To the Commander," Joker said, raising his glass. They all repeated his sentiment and then drank. The liquid burned down Liara's esophagus. She was determined not to make a face or cough. She could not, in fact hold her liquor as she rarely drank. The bottle of wine she'd shared with Chakwas was one she'd found in the mess hall and it had given her quite a headache. Stressful times had called for stress relief.

She had enjoyed her talk with Chakwas. Theyd kept mainly to scientific subjects, at least until the jargon started to come out of Liara's mouth wrong. Then they'd shifted to more personal topics like Chakwas' Alliance history, Liara's education and life on Thessia in general. It had been a nice way to spend the quiet time before everything got crazy.

The night was very enjoyable. Liara found herself laughing with the crew and feeling a nice warm drunk feeling. One by one, the crew dwindled until it was just Garrus, Ashley and Liara. All of them were drunk.

"You busted Pressly's lip?" Ashley laughed.

"I didn't mean to!" Garrus defended. "...Not really anyway. And where were you during all this? Would have figured you for the sparring type."

"I was... preparing for the mission in my own way." Ashley said.

"And how was that?" Garrus drank the last of his drink.

Ashley shrugged. "I just wanted some quiet time alone. Found a quiet spot to read."

Liara had a feeling this wasn't true, but she wasn't going to say anything. It was none of her business.

"I liked my way of preparing better," Garrus said. He stood. "I have to get some sleep. My appointment is pretty early tomorrow and I can already tell I'm going to be a cranky bastard for it."

Liara smiled. "Good night, Garrus,"

Ashley gave him a small drunken salute. "Later, you cranky bastard."

"Ladies," He nodded and walked off, leaving Liara and Ashley alone with each other.

Things were suddenly very awkward. There was a long moment of silence, before Ashley motioned to the waitress to bring them another round.

"I'm not sure I can have another one," Liara said. "My head is spinning."

Ashley smiled. "Then it's working." The drinks arrived and she held hers up. "What should we toast to now?"

Liara picked up her glass and thought. "Hm...To... new friendships..."

Ashley seemed to think about this, then nodded slowly and clinked her glass to Liara's. "Yeah," she said. "To new friendships." They drank and then there was another moment of awkward silence before Ashley spoke again. "You know... you and I haven't always gotten along."

"Yes I noticed," Liara said.

"But you're okay."

Liara raised an eyebrow. "I'm 'okay'?" She asked, slightly annoyed. "Thank you for your... approval."

"No, that's not..." Ashley sighed. "That's not what I meant. God... see? This is why."

"What is why?"

"I'm just tryin' to say... " She sat back. "I dunno I guess."

Liara nodded. "Ah. I see. Eloquently put, Ashley."

Ashley sat up. "That." She pointed. "That right there. You have this whole attitude like you're perfect or something. You come off damn condescending."

"I do not." Liara drank. The room almost spun. "At least not to anyone else. It's you." She pointed right back at Ashley. She wasn't going to be intimidated. "You were antagonistic to me from the start. And you said it was because you didn't trust me, but that's not it and I know it. I think I've earned your trust."

"You have. I'm not saying-"

"So you simply do not like me. For no reason, you just hate me. That's all." Liara crossed her arms.

Ashley stared at her. "What? No! I don't hate you!" She pointed again for emphasis, her finger wobbling a little. They were both so drunk this was going nowhere. "And you know it. Stop making up reasons!"

"Then what is it? Why has there been so much tension between us?"

"Hey it's not just me. You have to at least admit that." Ashley drank her beer and Liara noticed she blinked more slowly than normal. Liara sighed. It did no good to fight. Honesty was probably the best policy, though Liara had a feeling she would regret it. She slumped in her seat a little.

"You're right, Ashley. You are. It has been from both sides."

Ashley also seemed to relax. "Why?"

"I suppose..." Liara hesitated. "Oh Goddess I'm going to regret this..." She took a deep breath. "I suppose I am...maybe...perhaps...slightly jealous..."

Ashley seemed genuinely surprised. "Jealous?...I...of me?"

"More specifically your...rapport... with Shepard..." Liara couldn't believe it had come out of her mouth. She drank.

Ashley sat silent for a moment. "I...I don't know what to say...I wasn't even... aware that you could tell we... had a rapport."

Liara nodded. "It's subtle, but I was also looking for it, admittedly." She shrugged. "I care for him, as I know you do."

Ashley cleared her throat and seemed to be thinking. "I know," she finally said. "I know you do and... I know he cares about you... in a way..." She looked down. "So maybe..." She rolled her eyes. "Maybe I was a little jealous too." She drank.

"But," This surprised Liara too.

"I didn't understand," Ashley explained. "I couldn't wrap my brain around your, whatsit."

"Whatsit?"

"The connection or whatever. The brain thing." Ashley waved a hand dismissively. Liara suddenly understood. She hadn't thought about it, but she could see how something unknown and difficult to understand could seem so threatening.

She smiled at Ashley then. "Well, you needn't worry. It... became clear to me...where his feelings truly lied..." She wrinkled her brow. "Lay...Where they...were." She pushed her drink away from her. She couldn't even use proper grammar now. This was a bad sign.

"Um," Ashley pushed a piece of her hair behind her ear. "I don't think I need to tell you that whatever my relationship with Shepard might be..."

Liara smiled. "My lips are sealed. I promise."

Ashley smiled at her then. "Thanks."

"You know, you're... okay too, Ashley." They both chuckled and downed the rest of their drinks.

"This is gonna hurt tomorrow." Ashley slurred.

"Yes. Let's get out of here."

They paid the bill quickly and stood. Liara stood too fast and wavered. She hadn't been this drunk in a while, maybe ever. They walked out together. Then Liara thought of something.

"Ashley," She slurred.

"Uh huh."

"There's something I wann-ed to ask."

"'Kay."

"I'm curious." Liara ran her fingers through Ashley's long dark hair slowly and played with the ends between her fingers. She squinted and stared at the woman's hair for a moment until she saw the questioning look on Ashley's face. "Do you feel that?"

"Yeeeaaah..."

"Fascinating..." Liara mused, to the continued bewilderment of Ashley. She patted the Chief on the shoulder then. "Thank you."

Ashley smiled. "You're weird, Tsoni."

"You too." It seemed to Liara that she blinked and was back in her hotel room. She peeled off her clothing and fell onto the bed, not even bothering to take the covers down. Just before she passed out, she scolded herself for the massive hangover she would likely have tomorrow.

* * *

A nice hot shower had been exactly what Shepard needed, though it also afforded him the opportunity to see just how much damage had been done. His entire body seemed black and blue. He was stiff and achy, but happy to finally be out of the hospital. The Council had put him up in a hotel suite, the least they could do they said after their lives had been saved by Alliance ships on Shepard's command.

He was happy for the quiet. The room had a stunning view of the Citadel's arms. He took a moment to appreciate it before cringing and shrugging into his dress uniform coat. He'd just about gone stir crazy in the hospital and finished up every single report that he needed to. When Teng had dropped them off he had practically jumped up to hug her in thanks.

The crew had all been by yesterday, some in groups, others alone on their way to the meetings with Alliance Defense. It was nice to know they cared. Freddie had even brought cupcakes for him. It was a relief to him that they seemed to hold no ill will against him for very possibly getting them all discharged. He frowned as he headed out. This was going to be a very long day.

His debrief with the Alliance was long, but relatively straightforward. They asked questions. He answered them. He provided data and evidence to back up his claims, all of which would be taken into consideration before the brass decided his fate. Anderson sat in on the meeting. Shepard had heard he had sat in on every meeting. He wondered if he'd slept.

Shepard's meetings would likely go on here on the Citadel for several days, he learned. Several different officials were traveling to the Citadel to meet with him and any crew member they wanted to call back in. This was the part of the job that was annoying, but also important. Shepard knew he couldn't let his words fall on deaf ears, couldn't back down about the Reapers, and couldn't let the Alliance hang his crew out to dry.

For hours, Shepard told the same story in a several different ways. The officials nodded, asked follow up questions and generally showed no indication of whether or not they believed a word of it. By the time they took a break, several hours in, Shepard's head was pounding. He got some water at the nearest vending machine.

"This is all a mess," Anderson said behind him as he walked up. He grabbed some water for himself as well. Shepard undid the button at the top of his neck on his dress blues. He'd never been one for the stuffiness of the dress uniform, and it felt like it was choking him now.

"What's gonna happen?" Shepard asked him straight.

Anderson sighed. "Well the good news is I think the crew is in the clear. I think you are too."

Shepard smirked a little. "Really? I stole an Alliance frigate, Sir."

Anderson chuckled. "Maybe we can just convince them you wanted to go for a joyride."

Shepard shook his head, but smiled. "I'm not worried about what they do to me. I'm worried about what they'll do about the Reapers."

"Well they've got one sitting in the Citadel tower."

"And other places. What have you heard about the cleanup?"

Anderson grumbled. "It's coming along, but it'll take a while. The news is already saying it's a geth ship, not a Reaper."

"And people will believe it won't they?" Shepard asked, knowing the answer.

"People are scared, Shepard," Anderson answered simply. "The geth are bad enough. Unseen for hundreds of years, showing up to wreak havoc. Eden Prime was bad. Made humanity seem like a target."

Shepard nodded. "What about the Council?"

"I guess we'll know tomorrow when we meet with them." He stood up straight. "We'd better head back in. You've only said the same things 324 times. Military protocol states you need to repeat it at least another thirty."

Shepard sighed, re-did the top button on his uniform and walked back into the meeting room with Anderson. Hours later, when they were finally finished, Shepard retreated back to his hotel room. On his way he picked up some food and ate it on the couch in his suite, still staring at datapads. None of them even made sense to him anymore.

It was still early, but he was tired. Before heading to bed, he checked his omnitool messages. There was one from Ashley. He smiled and brought it up to read it.

_Hey Skipper - Sorry I didn't come by yesterday. Thought you could use the rest. I know you had meetings all day today. When you get a chance let me know how they went. I'm around, killing time, seeing the sights on the Citadel. I hear there's a big new ugly addition to the Citadel Tower. ...Okay bad joke. I guess we're all a little tired. Talk soon. - Ash  
_  
He responded simply.

_Hey Chief - All day meeting tomorrow with Council. We'll see how it goes. Thinking I could probably use a drink after. I'll be at the attached coordinates at 2000 hours if you wanna join. Hope to see you. - Shepard_

Tomorrow would be hard. Shepard practically fell into the soft bed and went to sleep immediately.

* * *

Ash walked into the dingy hole in the wall bar. From what she could tell, it was actually called "Bar." She smiled. It was an awful place. It smelled like stale beer and there were maybe six patrons in the dimly lit room. She suddenly understood why Shepard had picked this place. She saw him in a dark corner and walked over.

"You're a hard man to find," She said, putting her hand on her hip. He looked up with a small smile. His face was less bruised. He looked almost normal again. A beer sat in front of him, three quarters full. She wasn't very late.

"Yeah that's the idea," he deadpanned as she sat down. "The media types have been all over the meetings and following me around. I had to sneak out the back of the hotel just to get here."

"Well then I feel important." They smiled at each other. "Think you managed to shake them?"

He nodded. "Yeah no one comes here. I made sure of it. I mean look at this place..."

Ash glanced around again and chuckled. "You take me to the best places, Skipper."

He sipped his beer and motioned for the waitress. "What are you talkin' about? You're buyin'"

The waitress approached. "I'll have one of those," Ash said, pointing to Shepard's beer. The woman nodded and walked off.

"Surprised you're drinking. Heard you and Liara closed a bar together a couple nights ago." Shepard said.

Ashley's stomach turned and she made a face. "Yeah. Liara and I drank the entire bar I think. I still feel queasy about hard liquor."

Shepard raised his eyebrow. "You and Liara, huh. You two are getting along now?"

She smiled. "You might say that I guess. How was the meeting with the Council?" She didn't really want to talk about her drunken admission to Liara.

Shepard took a deep breath. "They're difficult... as usual. But I think they're coming around." Ashley's beer arrived at the table. Shepard nodded at the waitress. "Thanks." He looked back to Ash. "They're adding a human councilor."

"You're kidding!" Ashley's eyes widened. "That's...that's amazing news. Wait, is it Udina?"

Shepard smiled and shook his head. "They asked me to make a recommendation. I recommended Anderson."

Ash laughed. "Wow. Anderson huh?" She nodded. "You know I think that's kind of perfect."

"You should have seen his face when I said it."

"Yeah I can't imagine he would really jump at the opportunity."

Shepard sipped his beer. "Nah. But he seemed open to it. Thought he'd be good for it because he wouldn't want it."

Ash laughed. "Well that makes perfect sense." She picked up her beer. "To Councilor Anderson."

Shepard smiled and clinked his glass to hers. "To Councilor Anderson." They both drank and sat in silence for the next few moments. It was hard for Ashley to believe they had downtime at all. She knew it wouldn't last long, but she wanted to enjoy it.

"You let your family know you're okay?" Shepard asked.

She nodded. "Yeah. Yeah I talked to them. What about you?"

"Spoke with my mother yesterday. She knew I was fine but I think actually talking to me was a relief for her."

"She's on active duty right?"

Shepard nodded. "Yeah. XO on the Kilimanjaro."

Ashley was impressed. "That's a big dreadnaught."

"Yeah she's a busy woman. What's your mom do again?"

"Well she was a planetary geologist for a while. Got hard to keep a good job with Dad on active duty all the time. Plus we had a big family so..." She shrugged. "She kinda gave it up to support my dad. Still loves it though. I keep trying to tell her to get back into it now that we're mostly out of the house."

Shepard narrowed his eyes and seemed to think for a moment. "Is...that why I see you picking up rocks when we're planetside? I always meant to ask."

She smiled at him. "Oh you noticed that huh?"

He nodded. "I tend to notice you, yeah."

They locked eyes for a second before Ashley continued. "Yeah I mean... we go to a lot of planets. I have a bag of rocks in my foot locker that I've labeled and need to send to my mom. Actually I should do that while we're here."

"...You have a bag of rocks on my ship? You know that's probably violating some kind of quarantine procedure right?"

Ashley wrinkled her nose. "Hadn't thought of that..." They both laughed. "Of all the rules I've broken lately though I don't think illegal rocks is the worst."

Shepard laughed. "Yeah I doubt it." She knew what was coming next, before he said it. "I suppose we should probably...talk."

"Yeah... I guess we should." They each took a drink. Ashley took a deep breath. "Okay, I'll start. I... The other night was..." She paused looking for the right word.

"The word 'perfect' comes to mind," Shepard said quietly. She looked at him, caught his blue eyes with hers and lingered there.

"Yeah," She said quietly. "It was."

"But," Shepard prompted.

"But," Ashley continued. "I don't know whether to salute you, kiss you... or both... or neither. I think we need to get a read on each other right now... you know? Figure out what we want."

Shepard nodded. "I know. I feel the same way. And you know, maybe now that we have a little down time it'll be a good chance to think about things. Take it slow."

Ashley nodded. "I like that." She grasped his hand under the table and squeezed. He returned it, rubbing his thumb over the skin on her fingers. "So..."

"So I guess I probably shouldn't invite you back to the suite the Council put me up in." They laughed, and in doing so moved slightly closer to each other.

She looked up at him with a small smile. "How do you know I wouldn't say yes?"

"That doesn't really count as taking it slow, Chief. But I have to say it's much nicer than the captain's quarters," He said quietly. She watched him glance at her lips.

"I dunno," she said quietly. "I kind of like the captain's quarters."

After a moment, their lips found each other's very lightly. Ashley felt dizzy as she breathed him in. She closed her eyes, letting the moment happen, the kiss slow and light. She felt his fingers graze her jawline, push her hair back a little and then they parted, remaining close.

"Okay, I'm done taking things slow," She whispered, half jokingly. She watched him smile, then place another short kiss on her lips before he sat back.

"I guess we know what we want," he said, nodding. "So now what?"

She got serious. "Now we have to be careful."

He nodded. "We'll keep it off the ship." He cleared his throat. "As much as possible..."

She laughed. "We can do that... right?"

"Right." Shepard seemed unconvinced.

"Right," She reaffirmed. They smiled at each other for a moment before Shepard chuckled.

"You know that suite is, in fact, off the ship."

She grinned and shook her head. "And you're being stalked by reporters." She eyed him. "And you're in no shape to-"

"Oh I feel fine," he cut her off, prompting them to both laugh.

"Easy, Shepard." She smiled affectionately at him. "We'll have some time." He returned her smile and then sat back.

"Guess we still have a job, Williams."

"Yes we do, Sir." She sipped her beer. "So any word on when we'll be shipping out again?"

He shook his head. "Probably by the end of the week. They'll wanna call some people back in and I am practically going to be living in those conference rooms."

"Yeah they called me back in. I have an appointment two days from now." Ash scoffed. "I don't know what else I can tell them."

"Gonna be a long week," Shepard sighed. Ashley sighed in response and they both picked up their beers and drank.


	23. Back in the Saddle

**Chapter 23: Back in the Saddle**

Shepard awoke in his hotel suite as the artificial light poured in through the window. He yawned, stretched and rolled over with a happy sigh. The bed was much softer than any bed he'd been in for a long time. Frustrated by the light assaulting his eyes blue eyes he grumbled and put one of the fluffy, soft white pillows over his head.

The bed was big and he'd found himself stretching out over the entire thing in the night. He'd gotten back late, and without Ashley, sadly. But as much fun as they'd had, it would have been impossible to bring her back to spend the night without some kind of media fallout. As predicted, the reporters were still camped out and when he'd returned from the bar late last night they had found him at the rear entrance to the hotel. I had soured his happy mood when he'd had to speak with them.

The pillow refused to block out the light and so Shepard rolled onto his back, checked the time and threw the sheet off of his boxer clad form. He stretched as he stood and walked to the bathroom, thinking of his short interview last night. He didn't even know which news channel it was. He didn't care. He'd been in civilian clothes and simply repeated the company line to the reporters. They'd asked about the hearings. He'd said it was normal procedure. They'd asked about Sovereign. He'd said much of that information was classified. They'd asked where he had been that night. He'd told them it was none of their business, it was late and he had an early start the next morning.

He splashed cool water on his face and brushed his teeth. He couldn't get used to being a media darling. It didn't fit. There was an odd sense of celebrity that made him very uncomfortable. He was the face of the Alliance right now, the poster boy. The thought made him cringe.

He didn't have any meetings today. He considered just hiding out in his suite. There was a hot tub that seemed tempting. The thought of having a few beers and sitting in silence for a day sounded perfect. Again he was hit with the disappointment of not being able to spend the time with Ashley. They'd had a great time talking, kissing, flirting, and actually laughing during what by all accounts was a perfectly normal date. He knew she was funny, but it had been the first real chance for them to hang out alone like normal people.

Their military upbringings were different and it was fun to finally get more than a few minutes to talk about them. Hearing the ins and outs of groundside life as a kid was interesting. Ashley had gone to schools with lots of other kids, while Shepard's classes usually consisted of a handful of other ship kids. Both of them knew what it was like to transfer every few months. It made making friends hard and keeping up with the curriculum harder. Both had had to work extra hard just to stay afloat.

They could figure out what this was between them later. For the time being, Shepard was just going with it, enjoying the ride. The time would come for them to determine whether or not they would actually pursue some kind of real relationship, but that would come when they got back to work. In the meanwhile, Shepard felt no qualms about simply enjoying her company as much more than just his Gunnery Chief. They'd earned a little R and R. They all had.

Shepard turned on the news. Coverage of the cleanup was everywhere and lots of "experts" were emerging to talk about what the damage would mean for the Citadel. He sighed turned it right back off. He didn't even want to hear that today. He listened to the silence of the room, enjoyed the sound of nothing for a few minutes. And then, unsurprisingly, he got restless. He scoffed at his earlier notion of hibernating in the suite today. He knew better than anyone did that he would go stir crazy in a couple of hours.

Today was the first day his injuries seemed an afterthought. Aside from a little soreness in his muscles and some slight tenderness on his bruised face, he felt back to normal. He realized his stiffness probably had a lot to do with lying around and sitting still. It had been days since he'd had a good workout. He decided to go for a run. There was a park with a nice running track nearby on the Presidium. He stood, threw on an Alliance cotton t-shirt and comfortable pants that he'd gotten from the Normandy, and his running shoes. He would go long today. It would be a nice escape, assuming he could manage to avoid the press.

* * *

Garrus watched the pigeons on the Presidium. Pigeons. On the Presidium. Garrus had never liked birds to begin with, but he couldn't quite understand why the powers that be would actually import the filthy things. He assumed it was the humans' doing. He'd heard Earth had a lot of birds, especially pigeons. The comforts of home, he thought. He thought of home, Palaven. It had been awhile since he'd been back. He could make all kinds of excuses, that he'd been busy with Csec, that he'd been on a mission with Shepard, that he'd been...busy. But he knew the truth. He hadn't been back because it was just too much effort to speak with his father and sister.

Everything was difficult with them. He sighed and looked at the entrance to the corridor that lead to Csec. He had a meeting today with Chellick. They wanted him back. Garrus wasn't sure what he wanted.

"Garrus?"

Garrus turned to find Tali standing nearby. He straightened up and nodded at her. "Tali. Hey. Funny meeting you here."

"Small world," she said the hint of a smile on her voice. She approached him and leaned on the railing with him, both looking out over the lake. "I was running errands and I saw you. You look confused."

Right to the point. That was Tali. And it was one of the things Garrus liked about her. In their time together on the Normandy, they hadn't had much in the way of deep conversation. They hadn't needed to. A few words here and there had conveyed their thoughts perfectly.

Garrus laughed. "That obvious." He paused a moment. "I have a meeting with Csec in about an hour. They want me back, but I don't know what to tell them."

"Because you want to stay on the Normandy," Tali finished. She sighed. "I can relate."

Garrus looked at her. "Thinking of heading back to the Fleet?"

She nodded. "I think I have to. I have all this data to give them. And it's important to my people. And...I miss them. I promised Shepard I would see it through with Saren. And now I feel like I should complete my Pilgrimage."

"But," Garrus prompted.

She took a long, deep echoey breath. "But I like it on the Normandy. I like the crew. And Shepard. I'll miss everyone."

"You have to do what you have to do," Garrus nodded, saying it somewhat to himself as well. "Besides there's nothing saying you can't come back."

"I know," She turned and leaned her back on the railing, crossing her arms. "I just feel like I'm abandoning them."

"I know what you mean." Garrus thought for a long moment. "I think Csec will have to wait for a while for me. I'm not ready to leave the Normandy just yet." He shrugged. "Of course my dad won't be happy about that."

Tali scoffed. "I hear you. My father..." She stopped mid-sentence, seemed to think a moment. Garrus looked at her. Even with the helmet and faceplate he felt like he knew exactly what she meant.

"Yeah," Garrus said. He wasn't the only one with issues with his father. That much he knew. In fact it seemed he had it in common with several of the crew members. Tali had mentioned that her father was demanding and oftentimes cold, like his own. Kaidan had mentioned to him before that he didn't really get along with his dad, though Garrus hadn't pried. Kaidan had been a pretty private guy. Wrex had killed his own father in some ancient showdown on Tuchanka and Williams carried her father's name like a burden. Shepard had never mentioned his own father, but from what he could discern he had been in the Alliance as well. Garrus sighed. "Well, whatever you decide, Tali...I'll miss you."

She laughed. "Looks like you know exactly what I was going to do."

Garrus grinned at her. "Come on. You knew you were going back to the Migrant Fleet. And Shepard will understand."

"I guess you're right." She stared out to the water, fidgeting with her own hands. "I'll miss you too, Garrus." They stared out for a few more moments before she spoke again. "Are those birds? On the Presidium? Whose stupid idea was that?"

Garrus just laughed.

* * *

Shepard barely had time to get back to his hotel and shower before he had to meet with Anderson and the Brass. Anderson's message was vague.

_Shepard. 1100. Alliance HQ. I Have news. - Anderson_

He strode into the corridor heading for the meeting room, when he heard Anderson behind him. He joined him in his walk.

"Shepard, there you are."

"What's going on, Sir?" They maneuvered passed several uniformed employees.

"Brass is sending you back out tomorrow." Anderson's voice was low and strong. He sounded tired.

Shepard stopped. "Oh."

"You seem surprised." Anderson smiled just a little.

"No sir. Well...yes sir." Shepard smiled back and Anderson chuckled.

Anderson straightened up and put his hands behind his back. "You and the crew have been cleared of any charges. They'll tell you details." He motioned to the door.

Shepard turned to open it and then stopped. He turned back to Anderson. "Sir I know a lot of this result was because of your testimony." He nodded. "Thank you."

"Oh I didn't do much." Anderson sighed. "Don't forget I broke protocol, punched the ambassador in the face, and then took a position of ridiculous power." He clapped Shepard on the back and they both laughed.

"Don't worry. I won't forget," Shepard said simply. He owed a lot to Anderson, more than he could really determine, and he felt lucky to know him. For a man who so recently have been viewed by Shepard as something larger than life, as someone to aspire to be like, someone who deserved his respect, he had now added friend to those qualities. He turned and walked in, Anderson not far behind.

* * *

From what Ash had heard, Purgatory was a relatively new club, though they were all new to her on the Citadel. She wasn't sure how many levels and how many bars it actually had, but it looked like quite a few. Low violet and pink lighting accented the sleek design of the place. The entire crew had reserved an upper level area where the music was a slower, more relaxing beat pumping through the crowd. It was nice and loungy.

In truth, Ash felt slightly underdressed for the night. Most of the other patrons besides the crew were wearing club dresses and heels. Then again, she had never been one for club dresses and heels. Her black pants and slightly off the shoulder black blouse were far more her style. Hair down, minimal smoky eye makeup and some light lip gloss and she was in her element. Shepard had sent out a mass message to the whole crew telling them the good news about them all being off the hook. He told them to party tonight because they would be shipping out the next morning.

Ash got up from her table and headed to the bar with her empty beer bottle. Even with the good news for some reason she didn't feel like celebrating. Maybe it was that she knew that fight wasn't over yet. Maybe she was looking too far ahead. She shook it off. She was starting to think like an officer and not a grunt, and while the former was better for her world view, the latter allowed her to take victory in small wins – allowed her to get drunk with her friends and pretend they'd saved the world for good.

She decided another beer was the answer. She bellied up to the bar and waved for the bartender, who nodded back at her.

"Buy you a drink?"

She smiled at the voice behind her as Shepard slid up beside her. "I should be buying you one, Skipper" she said. She glanced at him and smiled. She was starting to like the look of him in his civvies. He seemed to have a simple, but nice grasp of what looked good on him. They had that in common. He wore plain black pants and dark blue shirt. There was nothing trendy or fashionable about John Shepard, and Ash liked that. She caught him glance at her lips as she spoke again. "Thanks for saving our asses with the brass. "

Shepard shook his head and sipped his own bottle of beer. "Nah. Thank Anderson. If it weren't for him –"

"We'd have to start that band?" She interrupted in a flirty tone.

He chuckled. "Yeah, something like that." The shared joke brought back the memories of their night together, when he'd originally said it. She couldn't help herself as she let her brain flash to the memory. She felt her cheeks flush slightly and smiled at him. She suspected he was remembering too.

The bartender arrived with Ash's beer, interrupting the quiet moment and Ash activated her credit device. "Is Anderson still here?" She asked. "I saw him for a couple minutes. I did thank him." She shrugged. "But I'm not sure he'll ever really know how grateful I am to him. I wouldn't be on the Normandy without him."

Shepard shrugged. "Then I wouldn't have had you to watch my ass."

Ash laughed. "Which would be tragic for everyone, Sir." She turned to him and caught his eyes for just a second. "Everything okay with Tali? She looked a little tense earlier." She'd noticed Tali pull Shepard off to the side for a little while.

Shepard sighed and glanced over at Tali, who was sitting with the rest of the crew, laughing. "Yeah she's okay. She's just not coming with us tomorrow." He sounded sad.

Ash frowned. "She's not? Why?" She caught herself. "Sorry. I'm being nosey." Ash was hit with a real sense of sadness over Tali not coming with them. In the past few months she and Tali had grown somewhat close. After the initial awkwardness, they'd found a surprising amount of relatability in each other. She would miss her. She made a note to have a talk with her later.

"She just has other things she needs to take care of," Shepard continued.

It dawned on Ash. "Ohhh right. Her pilgrimage..." Shepard nodded. "I think that's kind of cool, that custom I mean. She and I talked a little about it. Sounds interesting." She drank. "Man, the things you learn once you leave the dirt…"

The corner of Shepard's mouth turned up. "Yeah I guess this whole thing has been kind of a crash course in non-human relations. For all of us, I mean. I didn't have a whole lot of personal contact with other species before this. Just here and there."

Ash laughed. "And now one of your best friends is a grumpy Turian, you've mind melded with an Asari and you've collectively told the entire nonhuman council to go screw themselves more than once."

"Yeah I'm a regular… diplomat."

Ash's smile faded. "I heard Wesson put in for a transfer too,"

Shepard paused for a long moment. "Yeah." They both stood quietly for a minute, each of them not saying what they knew the other was thinking. Wesson wasn't coming back because of Kaidan. Kaidan, who would have still been alive if Ashley had taken his place on Virmire. Ashley knew it was a wound within herself that would never heal, and she was glad for that. Things had been awkward between she and Wesson ever since. She hadn't known what to say to her. She knew Shepard had the same problem. She let herself miss Kaidan for a moment, allowed herself the requisite amount of guilt, maybe a little more, and then almost as if Shepard could sense her thoughts, he gave her hand a quick, light squeeze on top of the bar.

She smiled up at him and he held her gaze. "You look nice," he said simply.

"Thanks," She smiled, meeting his eyes. Coupled with the look he was giving her that was rendering her helpless, she felt his thumb stroke the top of her hand. She remembered then where they were and looked back to the bar... She saw him straighten up out of the corner of her eye and felt him release her hand on the bar.

"So…" She said. "We'll have to be careful about... _those_ looks…"

"Right. Copy that, Chief." He lowered his voice. "But you're not exactly easy to ignore."

She laughed a little, but the timbre in his voice had a frustratingly involuntary reaction on her body. She cocked her head to look at him. "Seriously," she emphasized. "You and I both know you can't be undressing me with your eyes at every briefing."

He sighed. "Give me a little credit, Ash." She knew it wouldn't be a problem. They'd had no problem remaining professional before. They would have no problem now. But it was fun to give him crap about it.

"Just making sure." She chuckled.

"I'll just use my hands," he said quickly, with the smallest hint of a smile.

He barely got it out before she elbowed him lightly. "Stop it!" She laughed.

He was laughing now too. "All right, all right… I'm sorry. It won't be a problem. I promise."

Their laughter faded slowly as they returned to normal at the bar. Ash raised an eyebrow at him. "You're in a goofy mood."

"I am not." He saw the look on her face. "Okay, yeah. You know what? I am. Just," He shook his head. "Right now is the first time in months I've felt like I can just… take a breath, you know? One more crisis averted."

She nodded. "I understand." She looked towards the rest of the crew, all laughing and dancing. "Gotta appreciate when you win one. And you deserve to relax. Been a tough few months. And a long ass week to top it off."

"I hadn't noticed," Shepard deadpanned, sipping his beer again. It made her chuckle again. It was nice to see him like this. He was relaxed. She had never seen him this relaxed, even during the night they'd spent together. But that was before the fight on the Citadel, when everything had been so intense.

"So what's our assignment anyway?" She got back to business.

"Officially we are headed out to wipe out the rest of the Geth resistance." She could hear the frustration in his voice.

Ash furrowed her brow. "But what about the Reapers? What about finding a way to stop them?"

And just like that, his relaxed demeanor disappeared, and she regretted even asking. He was the Commander again, jaw set, eyes focused. "They're not officially recognizing that the Reapers exist. So we're... taking care of the Geth."

Ash shook her head. "But -"

"That's our assignment, Chief." It was clear that was the end of the discussion. He didn't want to talk about it, and she wouldn't push. She was still figuring out where they stood as far as what she could push for and what she couldn't. She'd made the decision to err on the side of professional respect for the most part, but finding a balance would be challenging. As a friend, as more than his friend, she wanted him to know he could vent to her, open up about whatever was frustrating him. As his subordinate she knew there was a line she couldn't cross. Shepard was a tough nut to crack sometimes. They had that in common. It would take time to feel it all out.

"Yes sir," She said, letting the matter drop. "So I haven't seen Liara here. What's she up to tonight?" A change of subject was just what they needed.

"She said she had some last minute things to take care of. We'll see her on the ship."

"I might head to bed early, get some shut eye." She sipped her beer again.

"...Tease," Shepard said quietly, breaking the awkward tension between them. They both laughed and then Shepard pushed back from the bar.

"I'm actually gonna head to the Normandy," he said. "Get re-settled before we head out." He smiled. "See you tomorrow, Williams?"

"Yes sir," She smiled back. And with that, Shepard turned to leave. Ashley sighed, took a big swig of her beer and headed back toward the revelry, trying to put their new, bullshit assignment out of her head for just a little while longer.

* * *

Liara knew no one would be on the Normandy, but as she rounded the corner in the deserted corridor, she smiled. There was Shepard, standing at the galaxy map in his civilian clothes, leaning on the bar in front of him. He looked deep in thought and didn't even see her approach until she was nearby.

"I thought I might find you here," She smiled, dropping her bag of clothes and supplies she'd packed up.

He returned her smile and she joined him on the small balcony overlooking the map. She leaned forward on the bar and they stood there for a few moments shoulder to shoulder. The ship was eerily silent, and Liara had a feeling that was why Shepard was there.

Finally he spoke. "No one even knows what to be afraid of," he said quietly, staring at the map of the galaxy. "This whole galaxy, everyone in it... and we're the only ones who know who we're fighting." She wasn't sure what to say to him, so she said nothing. "And now we're fighting against our own people just to get them to open their god damned eyes." He shook his head. "How do they expect to win this if they won't listen?"

Liara took a deep breath. "We just have to keep trying," she said. "Even with the bigger picture, there are smaller pieces to the puzzle. Each piece has importance, no matter how small."

He exhaled in frustration and she looked at the side of his face. "You're telling me wiping out inconsequential pockets of wandering Geth is important?"

She smiled. "Before you knew about the Reapers it was. Think of it that way." He looked at her, his blue eyes searching hers for answers. She took his hand and squeezed. "You're still saving lives, Shepard. Take comfort in that." Another few moments of silence passed as they stood and looked at the ever rotating holographic map. There were so many people out there, so many that the Reapers could wipe out in the blink of an eye. She sighed and spoke again. "I know you're frustrated. I know you're tired and I know you feel like you're alone with this burden and that there is no way anyone could understand how you feel."

He smiled then and looked at her. "No one except you," he said. He squeezed her hand in return and she smiled at his obvious reference to their joining before they released their grips on each other and faced the map again. This silence wouldn't last, she told herself. It was the deep breath before the plunge, and she would do her best to make sure Shepard was ready for it.


	24. Business as Unusual

**Chapter 24: Business as Unusual**

The engines were hot, the ship hummed and everyone was back at their posts ready to head back out. It felt good. Right. The crew was clearly in good spirits and ready to go. They were pumped for their mission, even if Shepard knew the mission was ultimately an exercise. Picking off stray Geth wasn't exactly what Shepard had in mind, but Liara had been right. It was their current mission, and they were going to do it.

He stopped by Wesson's old post to speak with her replacement, Ellen Harris. The short, red haired woman with lots of freckles smiled as he approached, then snapped to a quick salute. He returned it.

"At ease, Specialist," he said. She relaxed. "How are you settling in?"

She grinned. "Very well, sir. The Normandy is a beauty. I'm looking forward to seeing how she feels in the sky."

He nodded. "I don't think you'll be disappointed. Let me know if you have questions. Glad to have you aboard, Harris."

"Thank you, Commander." She saluted again and turned back to her work.

The crew was a well-oiled machine, all the parts working seamlessly to ready for their departure in no less than five minutes. Everything was back to normal. Everything that was, except the addition of Dr. Alea Krane. Shepard scowled at the thought of her as he headed toward the bridge. Dr. Krane was an Alliance psychologist assigned to the Normandy for the next week. Shepard didn't like it. He'd found out late last night and it had felt like an ambush, but he didn't have a choice. To make things worse, she was staying in his quarters, and rather than kick Pressley out of his cramped private bunk, Shepard had opted to bunk with the crew. It was perhaps the one silver lining to all of this, and a chance for Shepard to reintegrate with his comrades.

He was unsurprised to find Dr. Krane standing on the bridge, near the doorway, almost in the shadows. She nodded to him as he approached, her dark skin reflecting the light from the orange consoles.

"Commander," she said warmly and smiled just a bit at him.

He nodded back, not feeling like returning the friendly gesture. "Doctor," he greeted flatly. She seemed to notice his coldness toward her. He stepped toward Joker. "How do we look?"

"All systems are a go, just waiting for the order from you, Commander." Joker punched a few buttons.

"Let's take 'er out." Shepard said.

"Aye aye," Joker responded, and with a few more commands on his console, the Normandy was free from the dock on the Citadel and heading out into the Traverse.

"Set a course for the Kepler system. We've got intel on Geth activity there."

"You got it." Shepard turned to leave, but Joker spoke again. "Oh hey Commander," he motioned for him to get closer. Shepard leaned down just slightly and Joker's voice became quiet. "So uh..." he motioned to Dr. Krane. "I know why she's here, but like... I'm not gonna have to talk to her right?"

"Wrong," Shepard said matter of factly.

"Great. But if I end up crying about my first pet or learning how to love again I'm gonna be pissed." He turned back to his seat and Shepard just sighed and stood upright. He turned to Dr. Krane, who smiled at him expectantly.

"Commander, could we have a word in your quarters?" She asked.

He nodded. "Of course." He walked by her and she followed silently. It would have been an awkward silence had she not been clearly taking a glance at everyone she passed, sizing them up, checking them out. He didn't like it. He was still feeling the need to defend them. Even though everyone was cleared of all pending charges he still felt protective. He had come to really care for his crew, and they had obviously come to care for him. He'd heard that every single one of them had come to his defense in the hearings. It warmed his heart and in a way he wished he could show it more with them. But he was still the Commander. There was still an unflappable part of himself that he couldn't reveal.

The quiet lasted until they were in the Captain's cabin, when Dr. Krane took a deep breath and sighed.

"Look, I know that this is an inconvenience," she began. "And I know you feel my presence here is an intrusion."

Shepard shook his head. "I know you're just doing your job. I don't mean to make it seem like you're not welcome here. I just don't like surprises and I felt like this was tacked on last minute."

"I'm not here to cause trouble. I'm here because you and your crew went through a very stressful mission. There may be residual effects to that. I'm just keeping an eye out for them." Her brown eyes were sincere as they locked on his, but he still couldn't quite let it go.

Shepard shrugged. "Just seems like this could have been done while we were all on the Citadel with nothing to do. Why wasn't it?"

"Well it's not exactly normal situational observation," She said simply. "The crew was relaxed, having fun, drinking. It was a kind of in between space where consequence might not have seemed to matter. The Alliance thought it best if I observe everyone in their normal state of service."

Shepard's eyes narrowed. "Hold on. Don't think for a moment the crew wasn't worried about what would happen to them. They knew the possible consequences of their actions. Don't assume you know what my crew's level of stress was while we were there. Besides, I was under the impression we were free and clear of any wrong doing. What consequences are you talking about exactly?"

Krane put up a hand in defense. "I don't mean disciplinary consequences, Commander. I mean emotional ones." Her shoulders slumped a little in frustration and suddenly Shepard felt bad for giving her such a hard time. "Look, Commander I'm not here to spy or write anyone off as a crazy or unfit for duty. I'm just here to help. I know I didn't exactly endear myself to you when I requested your cabin, but it's the only private place on the ship where I could do my interviews."

Shepard paused for a long moment. "It's not the bunk. It's fine. And I'll remind the crew to cooperate. But, if you could schedule them so as not to interfere with their work that would be preferable."

"Will do, Commander. Don't worry. I'll be out of your hair in just a few days." She smiled. "That being said, do you have some time to talk now?"

Shepard scoffed. "You're not very subtle."

"I don't get paid to be subtle Commander." She crossed her arms. "How about it? Get our first chat out of the way? Be a couple hours until we hit the other system am I right?"

Shepard looked at her, and then shook his head. "I have some prep work to do with my team before the mission," he lied. "Why don't you start with Joker?"

"Joker?" She asked. "You mean Flight Lieutenant Moreau?"

Shepard nodded. "Yeah, if you don't mind talking to him on the bridge." Shepard smiled then, feeling just a little mischievous. "He was looking forward to speaking with you."

Krane smiled, obviously a little suspicious, but she nodded. "I'll head up there right away. " Shepard nodded and turned to leave. "Oh, Commander" Krane called. "You're not getting out of speaking with me that easily. Just so you know."

He paused at the door, and then headed out. In truth he had no preparations to make. The op was simple. Gear up, get in, and shoot geth. It paid to be prepared for anything, but as far as the report was concerned it was a small pocket of enemies, pretty routine. He needed to find someplace quiet and private. He headed down to see Liara.

When he walked in, she was fast asleep at her terminal, her head on her desk. A quiet snore emanated from her form and Shepard smiled. He thought for a moment he would just leave her alone, but he could tell by the way she was sitting she would wake up sore. It didn't look comfortable. She must have been exhausted, though Shepard couldn't quite figure out why.

He approached her and touched her shoulder. "Hey," He said quietly. "Liara."

"Mm," she grunted as she shifted and opened her eyes. "Oh," she whispered, sitting up slowly and stretching her neck. "What time is it?" She asked, her voice still husky from her nap.

Shepard smiled. "We're on our way to the Kepler system now. You were really out." She smiled and stood, an act which apparently made her dizzy. She wobbled slightly and Shepard reached out to steady her. "Whoa" he said, not taking his hand from her arm. "You okay?"

She leaned on her desk and shook her head, looking a little surprised herself. "I'm fine," She said. "I just haven't been feeling well. Must have picked up a bug on the Citadel or something."

"Doc have a look at you yet?"

Liara smiled up at him, her bright blue eyes looking tired, but amused. "It's nothing, Shepard. Just a cold. I'm sure it will pass."

Shepard raised an eyebrow. "Doesn't seem like you to get sick."

Liara seemed to think. Her painted on eyebrows furrowed just a little. "Hm. I suppose it doesn't. In fact I can't remember the last time I was ill."

"Uh huh," Shepard said flatly. "Go see Chakwas." He started to usher her out, hand on her shoulder.

"Shepard," She resisted.

"Liara..." His tone was slightly exasperated, which she obviously gathered.

"Okay I will," She sighed. "I promise." She giggled. "You're very sweet when you worry."

He leaned on the desk next to her and scoffed with a laugh. "I'm not worried. I just need you at your best."

She nudged him a little. "So what brings you to my little corner of the Normandy?"

"Oh," Shepard paused. "I had... important stuff... to talk-"

"You're hiding from Dr. Krane aren't you?" She smirked with the side of her mouth, a habit that he could have sworn she'd picked up from him.

"What?" he said with mock indignation. "That's...Of course not." She blinked up at him, waiting for the truth. He finally sighed, knowing he couldn't hide anything, even the smallest thing from her. "Fine. Yeah. I'm not really... good... with people like her."

"No?" He'd obviously piqued her curiosity, but he wasn't about to go into why he didn't like psychologists. After Akuze it had felt forced and there had been a lot of bull shit about letting go and forgiving himself. He'd always felt like the therapy had been just as bad for him as his other self-destructive behavior in the months following his survival. But he'd played along. The last thing he'd wanted was to be called unfit for duty. But he would never let go. And he could never forgive himself, even when he knew nothing could have been done. He refused to unburden himself with the weight of his fallen friends. It just didn't seem right. He knew Ashley felt the same way about her unit on Eden Prime, but he had tried to comfort her anyway. Platitudes didn't go very far in those situations, but they were appreciated nonetheless.

He finally exhaled, slumping a little. "I'd... just rather avoid it. Besides what's the point of all this? The stressful mission that everyone is worried about is over. Everyone performed well and no one seems to have any post traumatic crap going on."

Liara shrugged. "You don't know that. Not really. Many people hide their stress well. Take you, for instance. Your biggest tell is very subtle. Your jaw clenches and your voice gets more gruff, even in casual conversation."

He narrowed her eyes at her and tried not to smile. "Don't analyze me."

"I'm just observant," She said, laughing. "I've noticed things about the rest of the squad too."

"Do tell," Shepard said, interested to hear what she had to say.

"Well, Garrus stomps around a bit more looking like he has something important to do. He gets, what's the word... antsy. That's usually when he finds someone to tell some crazy story to."

Shepard laughed. "Yeah. My favorites are when he tells me a story about a time when I was there. Like I'm not gonna call him on his slight exaggeration of things."

"Still, they're only mild exaggerations." Liara defended. "I'd have Garrus at my back any day of the week."

"Good thing he's stickin' around then. Who else have you spied on around here?" He nudged her playfully. The general atmosphere of the Normandy had been different this past day - lighter. There was no sense of immediate, impending doom. Everyone was more relaxed and smiled more easily. Even Shepard felt more relaxed. And that was rare for him.

"Oh for - Just stop that. It's not spying. I can't help it I pay attention. It isn't even difficult with Ashley. I can tell when something is bothering her, well because she usually just says so..."

"Yeah she's pretty... open about her frustrations." Shepard shrugged.

"Yes," Liara said. "I like that about her. At first it was slightly off putting, but I've come to appreciate her honesty... As... brutal as it can be. Anyway she spends most of her time in the ship's gym as it is, but I've noticed between stressful missions she's in there more."

"Not sure she'd be happy to know you're keeping tabs on her," Shepard joked.

"I'm not keeping tabs. Besides, with her I find it's best to avoid her when I know she's in a mood." She shrugged. "I would think she would appreciate that."

Shepard sighed. "How are you two getting along?"

"Just fine. Something changed after we had drinks together. I'm not sure what. I think our personalities will always clash, but... perhaps we... bonded?"

Shepard chuckled. "Good. I'm just glad the two of you finally found some common ground. For a while there I was worried you might kill each other."

"I don't think that will be a problem." Liara said, smiling. "And... how are the two of you getting along?" Shepard was a bit surprised by the question. He wasn't sure how comfortable he was chatting casually with anyone, especially Liara, about he and Ashley's relationship status. But it was clear she was making an effort to reaffirm their friendship.

Shepard thought for a moment. "Good," He decided on. "It's...good." His answer wasn't the most eloquent, but it would have to suffice.

"Good," Liara responded quietly with a smile. "I should get a quick nap in before the mission," Liara said, breaking the slightly awkward tension.

"You can sit this one out," Shepard said. "I'll take Wrex and Ash. Wrex has been restless I think."

Liara shook her head. "When is he not? I can't believe he's still here. I would have figured him to take off after Saren."

Shepard shrugged. "Well it's better to have him than not. I just wish Tali was still around too."

Liara frowned. "Yes. But we'll see her again I'm sure. She has her own path."

"Yeah," He said. "Hope so. Feel better," he said, touching her shoulder as he walked away. As he headed out he looked at the time. Still time to kill and psychologists to avoid. He sighed, trying to figure out where to hide next.

* * *

"This will be like stomping roaches," Wrex said as Shepard used his omni-tool to hack into the entrance to the compound.

Shepard didn't respond, focused on the task at hand. Ashley took a quick appraisal of their surroundings again. No movement outside. Aside from the rumor that there were geth here things seemed pretty quiet to Ashley. She stayed alert, her back to the wall, weapon ready. There was no real way to tell what was on the other side of the door. Could be one stray flashlight head or an army that intel failed to mention. Most of her hoped it was the former. A tiny bit of her hoped it was the latter.

"So what was this place anyway?" Ash asked in a hushed tone, keeping her eyes peeled. "I can't figure out the layout."

"Think it was a research facility for VI stuff," Shepard responded simply. He glanced at her as the door unlocked. "Ready to kick some ass the old fashioned way?" He added a stealthy wink in her direction. Most people went out for dinner, walked on beaches, and had wine while watching vids. Ashley and Shepard's version of dating seemed to be ops with gunfights, giant plant monsters, and big Krogan chaperones. She smirked back.

"Let's blow this place up with some real firepower," Wrex added.

Ash chuckled. "Hell yeah." She held out a fist, which Wrex promptly bumped with his own. She hadn't been expecting him to actually reciprocate, but she was practically screaming inside with laughter that he had. He'd asked her once what the significance of it was and she'd explained it to him. She felt a chummy wash of affection come over her as she maintained her cool.

Shepard smiled slightly and shook his head, clearly amused by the gesture. "What am I gonna do with you two?" His smile disappeared and Shepard's face was instantly back to business, his jaw set, his eyes determined. "Ready?" Seasoned soldiers had a way of clicking on and off between casual banter and hard set, rigid focus. Shepard's experience showed through every time they went out. It had taken Ashley a few missions to be able to do it. She had to admit, it sounded bad, but a soldier had to have fun when they could, especially if they might not be coming back. But business was business.

Ash gave him a firm nod and he hit the button to open the door. It hissed open, allowing them access to the darkened room within. Ashley and Shepard quickly entered and made their way to opposite areas of cover. Ashley hoped that the crates she was leaning against didn't have anything explosive in them.

Ashley noticed a few larger bits of dust and dirt hanging in the air. The building had been depressurized, not that it mattered to Geth. Though she realized she didn't really know how they worked, even now. She liked it that way. It was the grunt part of her she was clinging to, the part that would just shoot and not ask questions. Once Wrex was in, Shepard motioned for him to take point, and then went running down the short, dark corridor. The power had been cut. There weren't any bodies in this room. She hoped they wouldn't find any. Supposedly there had been no one here until about 24 hours ago when a team was headed out salvage some equipment here. They'd said they all got out, but Ashley had a habit of believing her own eyes and ears over some reports.

Wrex was surprisingly fast for such a big lug. He motioned for the two of them to move up, and Shepard and Ashley did. They entered the next room quickly, weapons at the ready and Ash's eyes widened at the sight.

"What the-"

"Shh!" Shepard hushed her. The entire room was filled with what looked like storage pods of some kind. All were full of motionless Geth, lifeless and quiet. It was eerie. The air didn't feel right to Ash. She noticed her goose bumps under her armor.

"Are they... asleep?" Ashley whispered quietly.

Shepard shook his head. "I don't know what this is," he responded in an equally quiet tone.

"Why are we whispering?" Wrex asked.

"This is new. What is this?" Shepard asked himself quietly as he took a few steps forward toward one of the occupied pods. He examined it a moment. "Looks like some sort of stasis pod or...something."

Ashley approached him. "So what do we do? I mean we can't just leave these geth here..."

"I vote we just blow the whole building up." Wrex added. Shepard turned to look at him and Ashley could tell he was considering Wrex's idea.

Ashley smirked. "We could find the power outlet and just...unplug them." Shepard gave her a withering, but amused look. She smiled and shrugged. "You got a better idea?"

"We should get a team out here to examine these." Shepard settled on. "In the meantime let's put some holes in these guys just to be safe."

"You got it," Wrex said and he moved to the other side of the room with his shotgun.

"Aye aye," Ash responded as well, moving to another immobile geth. There was almost a part of her that felt like she was cheating by shooting a sleeping enemy. Or maybe they were already dead. She couldn't tell. They were so still. She had never actually been this close. The mixture of what looked like organic muscle tissue and full armor plating had given her nightmares before. Close up, it was even more unsettling.

"Firing," Wrex deadpanned and his shotgun blast rang out in the room. Ashley added her own fire to the mix and then she heard Shepard's assault rifle around the corner. When they were finished, they met at the door.

"I'll radio the Alliance and tell them to get a team out here." Shepard said as they exited the building. "Maybe we can get ahold of Tali and ask her if she knows what this is. Okay let's get back. We're done here." He walked ahead, back to where the Mako had landed and Ashley could tell something was bothering him. He'd seemed subdued, even for Shepard. She wondered if it had something to do with Dr. Krane, but that was just a guess. And she wasn't going to ask unless he continued his quiet state.

In the garage, once Wrex was finished stowing his gear, he headed off, leaving Shepard and Ashley alone. She decided to ask anyway. She never really did have self-control when it came to her mouth.

"You okay?" She asked. He looked at her as he placed his arm guards in his locker.

"I'm good," he nodded a little. She waited a couple seconds and then he sighed. He turned to her. "You know. I'm just feeling a little underused right now is all." He crossed his arms and leaned on the locker.

Ashley smiled at him as she closed hers. "If you want I could use you more," she teased.

"Very funny," he said flatly. "I mean I just feel like we're poking around in the wrong places." She lifted an eyebrow at him and he smiled. "Boy I'm just setting you up for these aren't I?"

They both laughed a little. "You know, Shepard I get it. There are more important things than shooting sleeping geth. And any small team of marines can do that."

"But?" Shepard prompted.

"No buts," Ashley shrugged. "It sucks. I'm with you on that." He smiled at her, clearly appreciating her simpatico remark. She smiled back at him and they shared a good long moment of eye contact. It was rare to find the perfect set of circumstances for that to happen, so Ash let herself enjoy his blue eyes until Joker's voice came through the comm.

"Hey Williams, Dr. Krane wants to meet with you in the Commander's quarters."

Ashley frowned. "Already? I just got back."

"Yeah well what do you want me say, I had to get her to leave me alone. I was a few seconds away from telling her all about that girl I had a crush on in 3rd grade. I panicked so uh... yeah."

"You almost told her about your 3rd grade crush?" Shepard was almost laughing.

"Oh yeah hey Shepard thanks for telling her how excited I was to talk to her. Really appreciate it buddy." Joker's voice was more sarcastic than ever. Ash glanced at Shepard, who shrugged innocently.

"Any time, pal," he responded.

"Meh," Joker clicked out of the comm.

Ashley turned to Shepard and wrinkled her nose at him. "Do I have to?"

"Yes," He said. They started to walk to the elevator.

"Can't I at least take a shower first?" She asked.

Shepard sighed. "I feel like she'd just walk into the bathroom, sit down and start asking you about your childhood. I'd... let you use mine but..." As the elevator door closed, Ashley also let out a sigh.

"At least with Dr. Krane here staying in your quarters it'll be easier to resist breaking regs." She joked.

Shepard laughed and then turned to her, catching her eyes again. He took a step toward her and she smiled at him. "Speak for yourself." A second later she felt his arm slide around her waist. His hand rested on her lower back and pulled her against him gently. She smiled up at him mischievously. The look that Shepard had when their faces were close was becoming one of her favorite things. Her hand came to rest on his chest.

"Been thinking about me?" she asked quietly, knowing the answer.

"You've crossed my mind..." His voice, low and husky, sent a wave of sensory overload through her.

She settled into his frame with a subtle seductive arch as his other hand found her hip. "You forgot to hit the elevator button," She whispered, her lips barely grazing his.

"Did I?" He whispered back. He brought his lips to hers gently and she tilted her head up to reciprocate, closing her eyes. For a brief moment she let her head spin with the contact, let her whole self react to the softness of his mouth. And then they both felt the elevator start to move upward, a clear sign that someone on the upper deck had called it.

They parted reluctantly, and Ashley grinned. Shepard sighed and released her from his hold, stepping backwards a couple steps, but maintaining eye contact. They smiled silently at each other as they straightened up and faced forward, the picture of professionalism. As the door opened, the new crew member, Harris entered with her head down and looking at her datapad as Ashley exited. She hadn't even noticed them she was so engrossed in her work.

"Commander," Ashley said as she stepped out.

"Chief," She heard the faint smile on his lips as the doors closed.

Ashley took a deep breath and headed to Shepard's quarters to speak with Dr. Krane. She wasn't looking forward to it. She decided she would tell her what she wanted to hear, even if it wasn't the full truth. She paused at the door and thought of the last time she'd been in there. These were much less pleasant circumstances.


	25. More Complications

**Chapter 25: More Complications**

His nose was cold. He was starting to wish he had never come out here with his dad. The snow was the kind of bitter, wet stuff that soaked to the bone and John was cranky. He took off his gloves to look at his ten year old hands. They were red and he could barely move them.

"Crap," he said to himself. He looked around, scanning the forest and the trees for his father. He knew he shouldn't have wandered off, but he'd seen some wildcat tracks and he'd never seen one of those up close. By the time he'd lifted his head up he had no idea where he was. He had no food or water. It was all back at the campsite with his dad, who was probably still asleep. It was snowing, so his own tracks were likely covered already.

He hadn't wanted to come on this stupid camping trip anyway. It was winter in Canada. Who went camping in winter? Paul Shepard did, that's who. Once a year he would traipse into the wilderness with a bare bones set up. This year, he'd brought his son along, told him it would build character. _Not if I freeze to death, Dad,_ he thought.

He couldn't logically be mad at his dad. After all, he was the one who wandered off, and he didn't even get to see that stupid cat anyway. The sun was finally hitting a proper height in the sky. It was probably about 8AM. His Dad would be getting up soon if he wasn't already. He would come looking for him. John's mom, Hannah had been against Paul taking him this year. She'd said he was too young to be nearly freezing in a tent somewhere. Naturally John had argued this. Even not wanting to go, he still felt like he needed to prove to his mother he was a big kid. "Good one, John," he grumbled at himself.

He sighed and sat down against a tree. It would be better for him to stay put. That way he would be easier to find. At least he thought that was how it worked. He'd never been lost before. He curled his knees up to his chest and hugged them, trying to trap whatever body heat he had, which wasn't much at this point. His teeth were chattering.

His blue eyes widened slightly at the sound of something rustling nearby. His heart rate raised a little as he searched for it. His breath was the only thing he could see. He turned quickly and stood as he heard the same noise, seemingly from another direction.

_It's okay_, he told himself. _Don't freak out. It's probably a squirrel or something. _ But he didn't believe it. He'd already decided that it was a bear or something else big coming to eat him. He tried to stay calm, took a deep breath. There was no sense in getting scared of a couple noises. He spun around when he heard it again. _Maybe it's Dad,_ he thought.

"Dad?" he called in a small voice he knew wasn't quite loud enough for anyone to hear. And then he saw it. Staring at him from a grouping of trees was a large wolf. He couldn't have been more than ten feet away. John froze, staring at the beast. It was huge and looked to be just as surprised to see him as he was to see it. t was then he noticed the other two wolves nearby. They weren't as close, but they were also staring at him. He thought maybe he should run, but his dad had told him that wolves have a big prey drive. They like to chase things down. A quiet growl came from the wolf nearest him. It bared no teeth, but it was clearly unhappy to suddenly be so close to some stupid kid in its woods.

Maybe he could try to scare it away. His heart was pounding but he forced himself to take a step forward, causing the wolf to flinch and growl louder.

"Get outta here!" His voice was stronger than he thought it would be and he waved his arms toward the animal. It flinched again, backed off a step or two and then hunched down into a defensive posture. And now there were teeth. John stopped moving completely. That was a mistake. He'd made it feel threatened and now it was ready to fight if it had to.

The other wolves made a wide circle around him. He knew they hunted in packs. They were hunting him now. He closed his eyes for a second. _Think, John, _he scolded himself. There had to be something he could do. He forced his breathing to slow, willed his heartbeat to stop pounding in his throat. He was sure they could hear it.

He took a step backward. The wolf, now snarling stepped forward. He knew he shouldn't make eye contact, but he couldn't help it. He stared into the angry eyes of the animal, the yellowish green of them piercing him. He couldn't look away. He stared for a few seconds. Finally, and surprisingly the wolf stopped snarling, stopped growling. It didn't relax its stance, but at least it didn't look like it would be lunging for him any second.

John suddenly felt less afraid, staring into the eyes of the wolf, eyes that were staring back. He wondered what it must be thinking. For a long moment the two just stared, observing what the other would do next.

And then a gunshot rang out loud and harsh, causing John to jump and gasp. Crows frantically cawed and flew in a flock from the branches above. He turned to the source, his father, pistol pointed in the air, staring at the wolves. John turned back to the wolf just as it was turning quickly to run. It met up with its two companions, ears back and down. They were afraid. They took off running. John watched them until they were gone, then sighed with relief.

He turned to his father, who had walked up next to him.

"Are you all right?" His dad asked calmly, his low voice holding a twinge of fearful anger. John nodded, and then looked off into the direction where the wolves had gone. They were long gone. His father touched his shoulder. "Time to go, bud."

As his eyes opened slowly, Shepard remembered where he was. He was looking at the bottom of one of the crew bunks. He blinked a couple of times and turned his head. Fitzer was in the bunk closest to his, mouth open, snoring. Shepard yawned and pushed the sheet off of him. He sat up, clad in his boxers and a t-shirt and ran a hand over his close cropped hair. It was getting long. He needed to buzz it again. He couldn't actually remember the last time it wasn't buzzed. He stood, stretched and put on his pants. It was 0500. The rest of the bunks were full of sleeping crew members. There were only a handful that would be up right now on this shift.

Shepard pulled on his boots and headed to the mess in a sleepy haze. He was pleasantly surprised to find Ashley there, pouring herself some orange juice. She had clearly just come from an early morning workout. She looked sweaty, in shorts and a tank top with a light cotton, long sleeve Alliance hoodie over it. Her high ponytail was messy.

"Hey Chief," he greeted as he approached her.

"Hey," she smiled. There was no one around so he walked right up to her, placed a hand on her slim waist from just behind her. When she turned her head to face him, he caught her lips in a momentary lock. When they parted, she grinned, seemingly a little surprised. "Good morning."

"Morning," he smiled slightly as he took the juice and poured himself a glass. He had surprised even himself at how natural it seemed to just walk up to her and kiss her. It was the first time he'd done it without some lead up, yet it felt as familiar as anything. He decided it was nice. "You're up early."

"You too," Ashley sipped her juice and then headed to the table. He followed and they both sat.

"Yeah I can never get back to sleep after I wake up." He gulped down a couple big, tart mouthfuls of orange juice. It made his mouth tingle and wake up.

"Me neither. Thought I'd get my workout in early." She stretched her neck. "Did Fitzer wake you with his snoring again?"

Shepard laughed. "Not this morning. The last four mornings, but not today. Today was just a weird dream."

"Nightmare?" Ashley looked suddenly concerned. He had mentioned his nightmares of Akuze and the Beacon. It was sweet of her to ask.

"No," he said simply. "Just a memory. A good one really. Camping in the woods in winter with my dad."

Ashley raised an eyebrow over her glass. "You were camping in winter?"

Shepard chuckled. "Yeah. That's my dad. Anyway, long story short I got stupid, wandered off and almost got eaten by wolves."

"And this is a... good memory..." Ashley laughed.

"Well I lived didn't I?" He winked. "My dad came in and fired a round in the air. Scared them off. Wasn't as exciting as it sounds."

"Aw," She rested a chin on her hand, propped up on her elbow. "I was hoping to hear about a knock down drag out bare hand fight with wolves. That's no fun." She smiled at him and her brown eyes caught the dim light of the mess hall. He took a second to meet them with a smile of his own before she continued. "How old were you?"

"Ten. When we got back I started reading about wolves. They're pack creatures, I knew that, but I thought it was kind of interesting how they all worked together for a common goal. I think about that sometimes when I think about the military."

"What that we're all just one big wolf pack?"

He chuckled. "Yeah. Yeah something like that."

She grinned. "Hm. Well for the record you make a pretty good pack leader." They smiled at each other again. "Was he mad? Your dad I mean."

"Oh yeah. Yeah, but not nearly as mad as my mother was at him. She really let him have it over vidmail when we got back."

"She was on active duty I take it."

Shepard nodded and finished the rest of his juice. "Yeah she was always on active duty."

"Sounds like my dad," Ashley messed with her glass. "He was gone a lot so he was the fun guy, you know? Mom was the disciplinarian. They fought about that when they thought we weren't listening." She laughed. "You haven't talked much about your parents."

The thought hadn't occurred to Shepard. He thought for a moment. "I guess I haven't." He shrugged.

"You've listened to me prattle on about my dad. Tell me more about yours." Ashley smiled.

Shepard knew that this was ultimately where he failed in relationships. It wasn't that he had ever been uncomfortable talking about personal things. It was that it simply didn't occur to him to do so very often. A couple of the women he'd dated had called him "mysterious." He'd laughed. There was nothing mysterious about him as far as he was concerned. He simply wasn't good at telling stories. He supposed he could be a private person. It didn't cross his mind to discuss personal things without a little bit of prompting. And his work was usually unpleasant and often classified, which left non-military significant others in the dark about a lot of what he did. This hadn't been well received in a couple of his longer term relationships.

He exhaled. "He's an interesting guy," Shepard started. "He loves the Alliance, but he retired a few years ago. He wanted to live in a cabin in the woods and go ice fishing apparently."

Ashley smiled. "Sounds like an outdoorsy kind of guy."

"Yeah. Whenever he could he'd take me fishing or hiking or camping. He likes to travel. He likes bad jokes and good scotch. He laughs a lot, has a good sense of humor. He's much less serious than my mom, but they work somehow. They're still together but they're almost never in the same place. My mom despised the idea of living in a cabin in the wilderness so she actually has an apartment in Vancouver. I mean when she's there."

Ashley smiled. "Military families get used to a lot of separation. Odd that what most people find weird, we find normal." She seemed to think a minute. "I think it took its toll on my parents' marriage. The older I get the more I remember things the way they really were and not how they wanted us to think of them. Does that make sense?"

Shepard nodded. "Sure it does. They wanted to shield you from the bad stuff. Any parent wants that I assume."

"I don't mean to make it seem like they didn't love each other or weren't happy most of the time. It's just..." She sighed. "Hard."

"Yeah." They smiled at each other for a moment, and then Shepard remembered. "I forgot to ask you, how was your session with Dr. Krane?"

Ashley rolled her eyes. "Wasn't my favorite hour of my life." She fidgeted with the zipper on her hoodie. "Was kind of hoping to get in, tell her what she wanted to hear and get out, but..."

"But..." Shepard prompted.

"She just knew too much." Ashley looked down. "Seems like she knew exactly what questions to ask to push my buttons. About my family, Eden Prime, Virmire... you. She's clearly done her homework. I just wasn't as prepared." She sipped her juice and then smiled. "I thought it best I didn't mention...us."

"I think that was probably a good idea," Shepard reassured with a laugh. "But you're okay? Some heavy stuff to talk about."

She smiled. "I'm fine. Think she's trying to just mess with our heads or something."

Shepard grumbled. "I asked her not to be a distraction."

"You haven't talked to her yet have you?"

Shepard shook his head. "Nope. I have successfully managed to avoid her these few days. Pretty easy when we keep getting... errands."

"Oh yeah you mean the show up, shoot three geth, go home errands?" She finished her juice. "Could be worse I guess. We could be babysitting dignitaries or Council members or something."

Shepard sighed. "Yeah. Yeah and I guess it is good for the crew to not feel like they're gonna die every second."

Ashley smirked. "Don't worry. We'll get into some devastatingly dangerous situation soon I'm sure."

He gave her a look. "You know what I mean."

"I know." She stood up and approached him. "I'm gonna hit the shower." She leaned down, and placed a hand on his chest. She kissed his lips lightly, she herself obviously feeling comfortable enough to do so. Then she smiled and stood.

"By yourself? That's no fun." He teased.

She giggled. "You're terrible. See you in a bit." He was grateful for the quiet, private moments they had these last few days. They were rare. It was a small ship and there always seemed to be someone just around a corner. They'd been careful though. Apart from a suggestive comment here or a hand squeeze there, their contact had been mostly work related and entirely appropriate. Shepard was starting to really resent his own self-restraint and self-discipline. He sighed, shaking off the more distracting thoughts in his mind and stood. It was time for work.

* * *

Garrus grumbled and fussed with his helmet.

"What's the matter, Vakarian?" Wrex asked. "Head finally too big for your helmet?"

"It's this new armor. Just not sitting quite right. It's... It's chafing my head fringe." Garrus was suddenly slightly embarrassed at the admission. He heard Shepard laugh in his helmet next to him.

"We'll get you some lotion " Shepard said. "Now focus. We're here to take out some geth."

"Yeah. Focus, Garrus." Wrex nudged his shoulder heavily. A gesture of camaraderie that Garrus was in no mood for.

"Shut up Wrex." He'd received a particularly scathing email from his father about his decision to leave C-Sec. Hot on the heels of it came another from his sister. It was chock full of the usual guilt and passive aggression. And they wondered why he never visited.

"What's up your scaly ass?" Wrex asked.

"Hey," Shepard turned around. "You're like little god damned children. Stop it both of you."

Shepard hit the brakes on the Mako, sending a cloud of dust in the air around it. This planet was hot, the sun close by. Palaven was hot. Therum was hot. But this place was a scorched desert. He hoped his helmet actually was fitting right. Exposure to elements like this would be a day ruining experience to say the least.

"Facility is just over that ridge," Shepard pointed. "We'll go the rest of the way on foot; hope to find some cover in the rocky terrain."

"Ready when you are, Shepard." Garrus unbuckled his restraints.

"Let's move."

They exited the Mako and made their way up the small hill, weapons drawn. Garrus unclicked the safety from his sniper rifle. Shepard was crouched low as he climbed the hill, assault rifle poised to shoot. Wrex brought up the rear. At the top of the hill, Shepard lowered himself to the ground to his stomach, and motioned for Garrus and Wrex to do the same. The three of them gazed out onto the open terrain where a now abandoned mining facility stood.

Shepard squinted into the sun. "Down there," he pointed. "Body?"

Garrus raised his scope and peered through at the hunk of metal down below. "Geth. Looks like he took a few shotgun blasts." He moved his aim to the right. "There's another. I count three dead geth outside the entrance." He paused, taking a moment to scan the area. "Four. Five. Couple near the rear behind some cover." He looked at Shepard. "Looks like we're late to the party.

"Again," Wrex complained.

"No way these miners are that armed. Shepard, what are you thinking?" Garrus asked. He could see the Commander's blue eyes through his face shield, taking in the information.

He looked at him. "We just got this intel a couple hours ago. But obviously someone got here first." He touched his comm. "This is Shepard. Come in Normandy."

"This is Normandy. Go ahead." Sheshi Tang's voice echoed in their helmets.

"Check to see if there was an Alliance squad nearby. If so, see what their orders were."

"Aye aye sir," She responded. They waited patiently and quietly for Tang to acquire the necessary information. "Negative sir," she responded. "Nearest Alliance patrol is in the Hades Gamma System."

"Thanks. Shepard out."

Garrus heard the radio beep out and then a long sad sigh from Wrex. He and Shepard both turned to him. He looked positively heartbroken.

"Sorry, Wrex," Shepard said with an obvious smile. He stood. Garrus and Wrex did the same. "Okay. Let's check it out."

It didn't take them long to get down the hill and to the facility.

Wrex pointed. "Rover tracks," he said. "Looks like one of your human vehicles."

"Could be mercs," Garrus said. "They could still be here."

Shepard nodded. "Yeah. They're not usually too friendly. And who knows if they cleaned out the whole place. Check your targets. Stay alert. Let's do this by the book."

They headed to the entrance, weapons drawn. When they entered, they found more dead geth scattered across the floor. Garrus opened a doorway and spun through it to take cover on the other side, but he stood straight up, his eyes widening at what he found.

"Shepard," His eyes saddened. There on the floor in the middle of the room lay the bodies of the mining team that had been living there. Shepard walked up behind Garrus. "Whoever took out these geth obviously didn't get here in time," Garrus said sadly.

Shepard knelt down next to the body of a woman. After a moment, he moved to the next body, examine the wounds. "Geth didn't do this," he said simply.

"What do you mean?"

Shepard stood and faced him. "These are executions." He shook his head.

"I don't understand."

"Hey Shepard!" Wrex yelled from another room. Garrus and Shepard looked at each other and headed toward his voice. "I've got a live one here." When they entered the room they saw a downed man, who appeared to be struggling in a pool of his own blood. It didn't look good. Garrus knelt next to him. Judging by the gurgling sound in the man's throat, his lungs had been filling with blood. "Hey," he said. "Just relax. We're gonna get you some help," he lied.

Shepard knelt down as well. The man looked up at him with wide eyes behind his helmet. He coughed, and Garrus could hear that he was choking on his own blood.

"He's not gonna make it," Wrex said. The man grabbed Shepard then and pulled him down closer to him.

"Bastards... left me..." he barely got out.

"Who left you?" Shepard asked.

The man took a deep breath. "Cerberus," he wheezed. "Deserters..." He sputtered and coughed again, tightening his grip on Shepard. He stared into his eyes. "You..." Shepard looked slightly confused by the man's accusatory glare. "...You're not worth it..."

"He's delirious," Garrus said just before the injured man convulsed, coughed and then drew his last, gurgled breath. He fell limp, releasing Shepard. Shepard stood, and shook his head. He was confused and angry. He'd obviously put the puzzle pieces together. Cerberus had executed those researchers before or after taking out the geth.

"What the hell is Cerberus doing here?" He asked angrily. "And what did that mean?"

Garrus shook his head. "I don't know, but I don't like it."

Shepard stared at the dead man for a moment. "Let's get off this planet and make our report," Shepard said simply. He turned and walked away, leaving Garrus and Wrex in the room.

"What did he mean when he-"

"I don't know, Wrex," Garrus said. "I'm not sure I want to know." He followed Shepard out. As if things weren't complicated enough.


	26. Double Cross

**Chapter 26: Double Cross**

Shepard sighed and entered his quarters to find Dr. Krane sitting at the table. She looked up and smiled.

"Commander," she greeted. "Thank you for finally making time for me."

He nodded and walked over to the table. "I guess I don't really have a choice." He sat. "No offense, Dr."

She shook her head. "None taken. You're not the first person to try to wiggle out of one of these evaluations. And you won't be the last." She chuckled. "I'm pretty used to being an unwelcome guest aboard starships."

"I'm sorry for that," Shepard said, feeling just a little guilty. She was just doing her job, just like everyone else. And he had been a bit unhelpful. "I made it clear to the crew they were to cooperate. I hope they have."

She nodded. "Yes. They've been very accommodating."

"Anything I should know about?" Shepard asked. "Anything stick out?"

"No," She answered simply. "Nothing at all really." She shrugged. "There is the requisite amount of stress. A few of them seem a little more high strung than others. But regardless of what you might think Commander I'm not here to interrogate. I'm only here if people need to talk. They all seem stable. There was a reason this crew was hand-picked to be aboard the Normandy."

Shepard nodded. "They're the best."

"Quite literally," Krane agreed. "The service records here are some of the most impressive I've seen, including your own." She smiled just a little, her brown eyes holding a slight apologetic mischief.

Shepard smiled just a little in return. "Ah. I was wondering when you'd get to it." He shrugged. "So tell me, Dr. What is you want to know about me?"

"What would you like to talk about?" Shepard thought for a moment. There was so much going through his head. For the last twenty four hours he'd been thinking of the Cerberus agent at the mining facility. What he'd said was haunting Shepard's thoughts. And Tali had gotten back to him about the geth hubs they'd found previously. It was relatively normal for them to construct those, just not so normal outside of the Perseus Veil. "Commander," Krane prompted, clearly seeing him lost in thought.

He took a deep breath. "You know most of what we're doing is classified."

"And you know I have the proper clearance. What were you thinking about just then?"

He set his jaw and then cleared his throat before he spoke. "We found a… soldier at the mining facility yesterday. He appeared to work for a black ops group we've had some run-ins with."

She nodded. "I read the report. This Cerberus group."

"He said something. Something that could be nothing. It's just..."

"What did he say?"

"He looked at me like he was angry, like the reason he was there had something to do with me." Shepard shook his head.

"And you think what?"

"I don't know what to think yet." In truth Shepard had been doing nothing but thinking. It didn't make sense to him. Why would Cerberus head to a mining facility just to execute the workers and kill geth? And what did it have to do with him specifically? Worst of all, he had to ask himself how Cerberus had gotten the information about where they were headed anyway. His heart wouldn't let him entertain the notion of a traitor on his crew. But his brain couldn't let it go.

He'd kept his suspicions to himself. If he launched a sudden investigation or shared it with the crew he could spook the mole and they'd have nothing. Privately he had pulled Ashley aside last night and shared his thoughts. She was quick to point the finger at Dr. Krane, but that didn't feel right. Her arrival and position was just too coincidental, too obvious. Cerberus was, admittedly, more clever than that.

"Well you did take out a significant portion of Cerberus' operations," Krane reminded. "You're responsible for them taking a big hit. Some of them can't be happy about that."

"Still doesn't explain what they were doing there." He shook his head. "But we're not here to talk about the mission. I'll figure it out."

"You'll figure it out," She repeated thoughtfully. "Do you often sit on things instead of bouncing them off of your team?"

Shepard shook his head. "Not really. I use my judgment about what information to share and when to ask for input."

"I know that as a soldier you and your crew see difficult situations, lose people." She paused. "Do you find it difficult to maintain an emotional support system while you're in command?"

"No," He said simply. "I know the value of teamwork, Dr. And I have the support where I need it." He didn't want to elaborate. His personal relationships and close friendships he'd forged within the past year were his own business. The Normandy was so different from anything else he'd done. Standard military protocol was there, but they'd had to make up a lot of the rules as they went along; Both professionally and personally.

Dr. Krane seemed to think for a moment. "If you don't mind my asking... What was it that made you decide to join the Alliance in the first place?"

"Aside from the obvious family tradition?" He joked.

"Yes aside from that." She grinned. "But was that part of it?"

He shook his head. "I'm sure that factored in. I guess I just saw everything out here as..." He thought a moment. "The future of humanity. It just...seemed right." Shepard was born on Earth, but was living aboard a ship by the time he was three months old. His entire life had been transferring with his parents from ship to ship, living in a constant state of change. There had been times when he was younger that he thought he might do something else, but they always passed.

"Why specifically the marines? I mean you could have picked a field that has less risk."

"I don't mind the risk." He answered. He thought he would leave out that he found the risk exciting, that he didn't know what he would do if he wasn't a marine. He supposed it wouldn't sound healthy for him to admit how addicted he was to the adrenaline of combat, or how he felt absolutely comfortable, almost serene on the battlefield sometimes. Few people could understand something like that. Ashley Williams was one of those people. The corner of his mouth turned up a little at the thought.

Dr. Krane opened her mouth to speak again, when Joker's voice interrupted her. "Commander we just got a distress signal from the nearby cluster. Civilian settlement. Geth."

"How long until we can get there?" Shepard asked.

"ETA about thirty minutes."

"We could be too late," Shepard said. "Any other Alliance ships in the area?"

"Negative," Tang added. "Looks like we're it."

"Set a course. Let's hope they can hold out until we get there." He stood and looked at Dr. Krane. "Sorry to cut this short."

She smiled and stood as well. "No you're not. But it's all right." She extended her hand and he shook it. "Thank you for your cooperation Commander. I'll make the call to be picked up."

"Dr." Shepard nodded, turned, and headed out. Now that Dr. Krane's business was finished it was time to take care of some of his own.

* * *

By the time they got to the compound on foot, Ashley could already tell the action was over. Smoke rose from one of the vehicles parked near the compound. From her position behind a tree she could make out the bodies of some geth lying dead on the ground. She squinted through her visor. Acres of greenhouses stretched out in the sunbathed expense behind the compound. They appeared quiet as well. The planet was lush, and several botanists and their families had come to study the plant life. Families. Ashley's stomach turned.

"Is this like it was at the mining facility?" She looked at Shepard. He was staring intently at the scene before them.

"Yeah," he said simply. She could tell he was worried, that he'd already decided how this was going to end. She could see it in his eyes. She hoped he was wrong.

"Let's hope we're not too late for the people inside." Garrus said from behind Ashley, vocalizing her own thoughts.

"Come on," Shepard stood and moved forward and they approached through the grassy field, alert and with their weapons drawn. Ashley scanned the scene, counting at least ten dead geth, the sun glinting off of their metallic bodies. Then she saw something else.

"Shepard," She said quietly. She nodded in the direction of two armored human bodies near the entrance. They headed toward them and when they got there, Shepard used his boot to roll one of them over.

"Cerberus again?" Garrus observed. "What the hell is going on?"

Shepard said nothing. Ashley couldn't see it, but she was absolutely sure his jaw was set and clenched in frustration under his helmet. He locked eyes with her for a second and they both knew exactly what the other was thinking. She recalled their conversation the previous night. He'd pulled aside, spoken in hushed tones. There was no question now that there was a traitor on the Normandy. The thought seemed to simultaneously kick them both in the gut. He blinked, and lead them toward the entrance to the facility. If it hadn't been for the man at the mining facility they might not have known it was Cerberus at all. They weren't wearing the familiar distinctly Cerberus armor. But she could tell that Shepard knew they had something to do with this particular situation too.

They entered into a standard looking lobby area that had hallways leading off of the interior. Following Shepard's lead they rounded the nearest corner. A burst of pistol fire clanked and sparked off the wall next to Ashley, causing her to drop behind large installed topiary display in the middle of the room. Shepard dropped next to her. She heard Garrus growl as he hugged the wall with his back.

"Hold your fire, Bob!" A woman's shaky voice yelled from the room.

Shepard glanced at Garrus. Garrus nodded back that he was fine and then Shepard turned his attention to the gunman.

"This is Commander Shepard, Alliance. Put down your weapon, now."

"O-okay," Stuttered Bob in a weak voice. "I'm sorry." Ashley peeked her head up to find who she decided was Bob standing with his hands up and the gun on the ground. She exited cover and approached him quickly with her weapon still trained on him. "Please, I'm sorry I was just scared."

The woman approached as Ashley relaxed her aim and they all congregated in the area. "He didn't hit anyone did he?" The woman asked. She wrung her hands and her large green eyes seemed puffy and wet with tears already.

Ashley looked to Garrus. He shook his head. "Just a bounce off. Nothing but a bruise."

"What happened here?" Shepard asked the man tersely. He had lowered his assault rifle as well.

"We're not sure." Bob said. "There were some geth..." he shook his head. "And then... and then..."

"And then these men showed up." The woman stared at the floor. "They just started shooting." She covered her mouth. "They shot Jerry. And Alan. They killed them." She started crying.

"Was anyone else injured?" Shepard continued, his voice just a hint less gruff. She was always amazed at how good he was with people. Most of the time he was so serious, so focused, so intense and intimidating that he'd gotten the reputation for being a hard ass. And yet people felt safe when he was in the room, wanted to tell him their problems and ask him for his help. It was one of the reasons, she decided that he made such a great leader. And it was one of the reasons she had come to care so much for him.

Bob put his arm around the woman and shook his head. "No. No. One of the soldiers, this guy... he... he started yelling at the others, like he was shocked at what they were doing. So he sort of... helped us."

"Helped you?" Ashley asked.

Bob nodded at her, his eyes bleary. "He yelled at us all to get into the compound and then he barricaded the door behind us." He gestured to the doorway behind him, where by now several other frightened people were peering through at all of them.

The woman spoke again. "We were all so scared we just did what he said. At first we thought he was going to kill us. Michael went after him and he shot him."

"But it wasn't a bullet," Bob added. "It was some sort of tranquilizer. Mike is fine."

"Where is this man, now?" Shepard asked, his blue eyes narrowing.

The woman shrugged. "While he was distracted with Mike I injected him with one of our plant enzymes. It has paralytic properties if ingested. So he's in the med bay." She nodded, then looked guilty. "He needs a doctor... That stuff could be real bad for him."

Shepard nodded, then glanced at Ashley. She knew the look meant to go check on the med bay. She nodded back.

"I'm on it." As she walked down the hallway she heard Shepard on the radio asking Tang to contact the Alliance for a civilian evac.

As she entered the med bay, she found a dark haired man, strapped down to one of the beds. He appeared to be struggling against his restraints, though Ashley could tell the paralytic agent was still in effect. She stood at the doorway a moment watching. He was swearing under his breath, even trying to reach the straps with his teeth. She was almost amused by his grumbling. Finally he looked up at her.

"Hey sweetheart," He said in a hoarse, raspy voice. "Why don't you let me out of these? These plant people are fuckin' nuts."

She approached him and looked at him. "I think you'll stay right where you are."

His head fell back on the cot in exasperation. "Come on! I saved these assholes! And they repay me by jabbing me with some weird ass shit that turned me to jelly."

"Who are you?" She asked simply.

He stared at her a long moment before he finally sighed. "Just some unlucky bastard, Sugar." He shook his head just a little, the extent of what he could do. "Knew this was a fucking bad idea when it came through an hour ago." An hour ago. Ashley blinked. She would have to tell Shepard. The man smiled at her. He was handsome with big brown eyes and a winning grin. She got the sense he knew it. "Look, let me out of here Princess and I'll make it worth your while. I got credits."

Ashley crossed her arms. She was about to say something snarky about his use of little infuriating pet names when Shepard approached. Ashley turned to him, grabbed his arm and led him a few feet away. He seemed surprised by her urgency.

"What is it?" He asked quietly, when they were out of earshot.

"This man got the distress call over an hour ago," She said simply. She knew he'd take her meaning. She watched as the realization flashed over his eyes.

"I see," he said. The disappointment in his voice was subtle, but it broke her heart. Someone on The Normandy had delayed the reception of the distress call. Someone had kept them from getting there in time. And she could tell from the look they were sharing, they both had an idea of who it could be. He nodded at her, and then continued normally. "The rest of the civilians are unhurt. A detail should be here soon." He approached the man in the bed. "Who are you?" He asked, his voice firm and authoritative.

"Believe me it doesn't matter." He struggled with his restraints again and then his head fell back onto the bed in defeat. "Last time I take a job last minute without some insurance is all..."

"Just what was the job?" Shepard said dryly.

"Look I need a doctor or something," He groaned. "Everything's startin' to look all blurry."

"We're gonna have a talk after the doctor checks you out." He looked at Ashley. "Okay let's wheel 'im out."

As they each took an end of the cot, the man relaxed back on it with a frustrated groan.

"Fuck," he said quietly. "This sucks."

* * *

Shepard sat on the table in his quarters with his arms crossed. He stared at the floor. He was not so patiently waiting for Chakwas to be done checking out the man they'd found. He'd lost consciousness on the way to The Normandy. He frowned, disappointed. He didn't even hear Ashley come in. He'd asked her to meet him here.

"Hey," she said, closing the door behind her.

He looked up. "Hey."

She approached him and plopped down onto the table next to him. She nudged his shoulder with hers. "So how you wanna handle this? Are we thinking the same person?"

He sighed. "Has to be Sheshi. At first I thought Harris, but Tang is the only one I know of that can actively pull off a signal delay right under our noses."

"Yeah that you know of." Ashley's brow furrowed and she shook her head. "Maybe there's some mistake. Maybe it just looks bad. Maybe it's not really Sheshi..." Shepard knew that Ashley and Sheshi had gotten fairly close. Everyone liked Sheshi Tang. She was the life of the party and damn good at her job. Ashley sighed. "If it's not Tang, and it's someone else though we could tip our hand if we don't do this quietly."

Shepard nodded. "I know. And you're the only one I've told." She looked at him and nodded. "See if you can get some time with her, maybe call her down to your station. I'll grab Garrus and be there. We'll have a talk."

"You got it." She hopped up and they both headed for the door. They exited just in time to see Sheshi running toward the forward escape pod console. Instinctively they both ran after her. They rounded the corner to find her at the console frantically pushing buttons.

"Tang," Shepard barked. There was no more speculation. She'd blown her cover right out of the sky. "Get away from the console." Her shoulders slumped and she stopped entering code, but she didn't turn around.

Ashley stepped closer. "We need to talk, Sheshi." Her voice was surprisingly soft and sympathetic.

Sheshi turned to them both, and Shepard was surprised to see tears in her eyes. "Come with us." He stepped toward her and took her arm. Ashley took her other arm, and they silently made their way to the tiny holding room down in the cargo bay. It was easier than expected, but the rest would be difficult for everyone.

In the holding room, Shepard closed the door behind him. The room was more of a cell than anything, with one small window next to the door. There was a hard bench inside with a bit of cushioning. There was also one metal chair. The Normandy didn't really have the facilities to keep anyone in custody. This was a short term solution in the event someone couldn't be picked up right away. Sheshi immediately flopped down on the bench and stared at the floor.

"Look at me," Shepard said to her. She reluctantly raised her eyes and met his. There were a lot of things running through his mind. He was angry, he was disappointed, he was curious, but mostly he found himself hurt. He looked at her for long drawn out moment before shaking his head. "I need you to tell me everything. Start from the beginning."

She shrugged. "What exactly do you want to know, Commander?" She wiped a tear from her eye. "I'll tell you everything I know."

"That seems fast, considering how long you've been lying to me." His tone was soft, but held an anger that he couldn't hide. "How long have you been working with Cerberus?"

Sheshi took a deep, shaky breath before running her hand through her hair. "Two years," She answered quietly. After another long exhale she looked at him again. "I was recruited."

"How?" Shepard sat down across from her in the chair.

"A man approached me. I don't know his name. I don't know that his name matters or even exists. I had never even heard of Cerberus. Most people haven't. He told me things."

"What kinds of things?"

"All kinds of things. He said it was an opportunity to help humanity, to do good. To..." Her face contorted with threatening tears that she swallowed. She continued. "He kept it very vague, but the long and short of it was that Cerberus was associated with the Alliance at the top levels."

"The Alliance?" Shepard's retort came out more incredulously than he'd planned.

She nodded. "I was told that they worked in secret, that they couldn't openly do what they do because of the political fallout." She scoffed. "I know how crazy this all sounds, but I thought..." She fiddled with her fingers "I thought I was doing the right thing."

Shepard could feel the heat in his neck and face now. He was slowly reaching a boiling anger, but he maintained as he glared at her. "Did you think you were doing the right thing when we found Admiral Kohoku? When we found those miners? When we uncovered how Cerberus scientists slaughtered Alliance marines on Akuze?" He was barely keeping his voice from becoming a low growl. "Is that what you thought you were doing, Sheshi?"

"No!" She asserted. She shook her head. "Oh my god, no. I didn't even..." She hiccupped with tears and then Shepard saw them fall from their eyes. "I didn't know about any of that. I didn't know that's what they did!" She yelled. Then she composed herself once again and went on. "When they placed me here, I didn't know why. And then after a couple days of silence I was contacted with a mission."

"Who contacted you?"

"He didn't give his name, but it came over official channels."

Shepard gritted his teeth. "What was your mission here?"

She met his eyes. "I was to gather intel. On the ship, on the crew, on the non-humans, on the missions and communications... and on you." She blinked and looked away again.

Shepard forced himself relax his muscles, forced his body to not betray his cool exterior. He inhaled and exhaled once, and then spoke. "Tell me how."

She swallowed. "Audio bugs, camera feeds, a designer worm within the communication system that is virtually untraceable. I was able to send file copies, data, logs and personal communications of all kinds back to my handlers."

Shepard leaned forward on his chair. He felt sick to his stomach. He felt violated. Betrayed. He fought the urge to grab her by the throat and squeeze. "You mean to tell me there are active bugs, cameras and data fishing programs on my ship right now." She nodded. "In here?" He motioned to the room. She shook her head. "Then where?"

"Everywhere," she said quietly. "The bridge, the elevator, the Mako, even your quarters." She tilted her head. "I'm sorry," Her eyes filled with tears again. "I had no choice."

"You had a choice," he growled. "You made the wrong one. What is Cerberus planning?"

"I don't know," she said shakily.

"Tell me!" He barked.

"I don't know!" She yelled back. "I don't! I didn't know any of this! Kohoku, Akuze. When I found out about that I was sick! I was gonna try to leave, to quit! But I was scared!"

Shepard was yelling now. He couldn't help himself. "Why didn't you come to me?" He sighed with exasperation and lowered his voice again. "We could have figured this out." He was taking this personally because there was no other way to take it.

She relaxed a little, but shook her head. "No," She said. "Not after I saw what they were capable of. I couldn't."

"So you just kept working for them."

She rested her head on the wall. "I would send them things I didn't think were that important. I would alter the location reports to put us places where we'd never been. I put a delay on the audio and video feeds so that I could compromise them when I needed to." She leaned forward again. "And then my orders changed."

"Changed to what?" He said quietly.

"You became priority number one." She said softly. "After Sovereign your value to humanity was immeasurable. They want you to succeed."

"I don't understand."

"I don't know the details. But I know they're calling it Operation Guardian."

"What are they guarding?"

"You."

Shepard's stomach turned. "What?"

"Eliminating Geth is an errand, a chore that any well-armed group of mercenaries can do. You have a more important job, Commander. I think you know that."

Shepard felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. The air escaped him and he looked at her again. "You're telling me that Cerberus is trying to... protect me?"

Sheshi nodded. "I think so. Like I said I only get pieces of the whole. Just enough to do my job."

Shepard shook his head. "They went to that mining facility and executed people." His voice was cold. Sheshi looked down, having no response for that particular accusation. Shepard felt his brain spinning, felt his mind tumbling out of control over what it all meant, what it would mean. He forced the thoughts from cascading and spoke quietly. "Is there anyone else?"

"No," she said. "Just me. I'm sorry, Shepard."

He held her eye contact for a few more seconds before turning and leaving the room. Shutting the door behind him he felt as if his knees would buckle. He didn't understand any of it. He wasn't sure he wanted to.


	27. All Eyes

**Chapter 27: All Eyes**

He was right where Ashley had left him, staring at nothing, his eyes sad and angry. He looked up at her as she approached, a tragic defeat showing on his face. It was the same look he'd had just after the Normandy had been grounded. It hurt her to see him like this. She approached him slowly and spoke quietly.

"You okay?" she already knew the answer.

He shook his head. "No. No I'm not." He started to walk back toward the elevator and she kept pace with him. Ashley felt sick to her stomach. She couldn't believe it about Sheshi.

As they walked, she slid her hand into his and kept it there. He squeezed back, wordlessly and then they entered the elevator. She was surprised when he spoke into his comm again.

"This is Shepard. All hands terminate all communication, essential and non-essential on all channels. Joker set course for Earth, Vancouver." He paused for a second. "Enact Protocol 99." Protocol 99 meant a lock down on all communication, a full sweep of the systems. It was confirmation enough to Ashley that had been compromised.

Shepard looked down and then looked at Ashley. He must have seen the shock on her face. He leaned in then close to her ear, so close she could feel his breath as he spoke. It gave her a chill. "Sheshi's been feeding them intel," He whispered. "There's no way to know how much got through from the beginning."

Ashley met his eyes. She didn't know what to say. "What? What about that firewall Tali designed?" Tali had gone to Shepard not too long ago with an experimental program she'd designed. There was no reason to think they'd ever need it, but she'd just wanted to run some tests.

Shepard sighed. "I don't know. We'll have to do a thorough sweep once we dock in Vancouver. It will probably take a couple days." His voice was still low as he stepped back from her, and she realized she was clutching his hand hard. She loosened her grip a little, but didn't want to let go.

"We're headed back to Earth?" Her voice was practically a whisper now that she imagined Cerberus was listening to every word. The thought almost made her dizzy, but she shook it off, determined to remain functional. "Dr. Chakwas says our guest is awake." Ashley was happy to change the subject. "You want to wait to talk to him until we get off the ship and he's secure?"

And then he laughed. It was a sharp, exasperated laugh, punctuated by a low, pathetic groan. "No. I can't wait." She watched him stand up straight, compose himself, and put on his Commander face. He took a deep breath, looked at her, smiled just a little, and kissed the hand that was clasped in his before letting go as the doors opened.

"Let's go talk to this guy," His voice was strong again, reassuring. His eyes lingered on hers fleetingly just before they turned and headed toward the med bay.

As they entered, Chakwas was just leaving. She looked mad, madder than Ashley had ever seen her. She stopped short of them.

"I'm stepping out for a minute." Her tone was short.

"You okay, Doctor?" Shepard's eyes landed on the man, who was sitting upright on one of the cots, cuffed to it, and grinning.

Chakwas brushed by them and out the door, muttering something under her breath.

Shepard glanced at Haines, who was guarding the man. He was scowling. "Guy's got a big mouth is all," he said glaring at him.

Ashley and Shepard both looked at the man, who shrugged.

"What?" he said. "I can't tell a woman she has a great ass?" He yelled out as the door closed. "It was a compliment, Doc!"

Ashley raised an eyebrow. She could already tell by Shepard's expression that he had less than no patience to give this guy.

Shepard stepped toward him. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just throw you out the air lock right now."

The man sighed. "Because you're some kind of god damned boy scout?" He shrugged. "I don't know, that's what I heard anyway."

"There are a lot of dead people who are pretty damn sure I'm not a boy scout," Shepard crossed his arms. His voice was the kind of tone he used when he was ready for a fight. It was the tone he used usually just before he started to fight dirty.

The man chuckled. "Yeah I heard that. Heard you were taller too."

Shepard glanced at Ashley, then back at the man. "Who are you?"

"Name's Caleb."

"Caleb what?"

"Caleb is fine. Look I don't have any loyalty to that Cerberus shit show. Bastards are a bunch of freaks if you ask me."

"So why were you working with them?"

He shrugged. "Man's gotta eat." He smiled at Ashley. "Well shit, if I'd known what you'd looked like under all that armor, gorgeous I would have suggested we grab a drink sometime." He winked, prompting Ashley to raise her eyebrow at him again.

"I think I'd rather you just answer the commander's questions," she said tersely, crossing her arms.

Caleb groaned and sat back against the wall. "If I tell you, will you let me go?"

"No," Shepard answered. "But you are going to tell me." He stepped closer to him. "Everything."

"Easy. You don't have to whip your dick out just yet." He cracked his neck. "I normally don't go in for team shit, if you get my meaning. I like to work alone or in small groups I trust."

"So why work with Cerberus?"

He shrugged. "I told you, I needed the creds. Got some... friends... that I owe some cash to. They're the types that'll shoot you and then piss on you." He grinned again. Ashley hadn't met many men like Caleb, and when she did she was usually shooting at them. He was a pirate, almost certainly a murderer, a liar, and probably had countless outstanding warrants for his arrest. It frustrated her that he had such a friendly smile. It was the kind of smile that made you want to like a person, and Ashley didn't want to like this guy.

Shepard stood still, his arms crossed, obviously unamused by Caleb's friendly grin. "How did Cerberus contact you?"

"I got a ping. I don't know where it came from. I don't know how they even knew how to contact me. But I don't like it. I took the job in part because I wanted to see if I could hack into their system. I was curious. I wanted some answers."

"You took the job for sport?" Ashley couldn't help but ask. It was one thing to wonder how someone knew about you. It was another to team up with a group like Cerberus and assume you could infiltrate them. She couldn't tell if his confidence was earned or if he was just stupid.

"Skyball's a sport, princess. Sometimes a good fuck can be too." He winked at her again. She felt her face flush red with anger and decided once and for all that she definitely didn't like this guy. She had to bite her tongue to keep quiet. Getting pissed at some asshole for calling her princess wasn't going to get the answers.

"What were your orders?" Shepard's voice seemed just a little louder, just a little more impatient. She guessed he hadn't liked that comment either.

"I don't take orders, soldier boy. I'm not in the Alliance." Shepard stared at him hard, unconcerned with his phrasing. Caleb stared back for a moment and finally looked away and sighed.

"Pretty simple really. We go to a place, take out some geth, knock out the people there, and get the hell out. It was easy money." He shook his head. "Til the other mercs just ignored that plan and started shooting people."

"But you didn't," Shepard prompted.

Caleb's jaw set itself in frustration. "Look I ain't a saint. That's for damn sure. I've done some pretty fucked up things, but I'm not in the habit of shooting unarmed farmers. Anyway that's all I know. You might've noticed I didn't really get a chance to investigate much."

Shepard turned to walk out. "Maybe you'll remember more once you're in Alliance custody."

"Hey! You can just let me go you know!" Ashley followed Shepard out into the hallway. "Hey!"

"Well that was useless," Shepard grumbled. The corner of his mouth turned up. "I'm tempted to throw him out the airlock anyway."

Ashley shook her head. "Cerberus is too smart to tell their operatives much." She had to ask. "Did Sheshi have any other useful information?"

He nodded. "I don't want to talk about it here." And then he turned and walked away without another word. Ashley sighed and walked to the mess, feeling like there were a million eyes on her.

* * *

There was no place for Shepard to go. There was no real privacy on his ship. He felt violated as he entered his cabin. His eyes narrowed as he walked the perimeter of the room, lazily checking for any signs of a camera or bug. He knew he wouldn't find anything. Some of the more advanced technology wasn't even visible to the naked eye. He sighed and sat on his bunk. His hand found the bridge of his nose, rubbed his tired eyes and then he rested his forehead in the palm of his hand, his elbow on his knee. He was tired.

Sheshi's betrayal weighed on him heavily. How had he not seen it? Why had she done it? What was Project Guardian and what did it have to do with him? He thought of the people at the mining facility that had been executed. He realized now that it was because of him. He wondered why Cerberus had suddenly changed their plans. They'd had no problem shooting unarmed civilians, so why had they suddenly been ordered to use tranquilizers? And he couldn't figure out why they'd suddenly gone from shooting at him to trying to protect him. None of it made any sense.

By now word of it all had likely been circulating around the ship. Pressly had the bridge at the moment. Shepard needed some time alone. They would be in Vancouver in just a few hours. There, they would drop off Sheshi and Caleb. And Krane. Shepard remembered that Dr. Krane was still on board. This didn't look good, and to be honest, he wasn't looking forward to the paperwork.

He couldn't think about it anymore. His head was screaming. He had time enough for some sleep. Hey lay down on top of the covers, his head on the pillow, staring at the ceiling. He didn't bother taking off his boots. As he stared at the ceiling his thoughts began cycling through his head. He thought of everything Cerberus could know, everything he had said, every piece of intel that had ever been on the ship, discussed, sent to Command. This was very possibly a security breach of monumental proportions. And it had happened on his ship. And he hadn't even seen it coming. As he lay there, he thought of the night he and Ashley had spent together here. They might have seen that too. He clenched his jaw in helpless anger.

He closed his eyes, not expecting to sleep at all, but slipped almost immediately into an exhausted, much needed nap.

He woke with a jolt to find Liara standing over him with her hand on his shoulder. She looked concerned.

"Shepard. Are you all right?"

He blinked, taking in his surroundings. Finally realizing where he was and where they were going he sat up quickly. "What time is it?" His voice was gruff and still sleepy. He cleared his throat.

Liara smiled. "We're in Vancouver. We're docking now."

Shepard stood in front of her, still feeling out of it. He rubbed one of his eyes. "Why didn't someone wake me earlier?"

She shrugged "We didn't see the need. Ashley and I both agreed you needed your rest and Pressley was more than capable of bringing us into port."

He scoffed with a small smile. "You and Williams are making the decisions around here now?"

She put her hands on her hips. "Only when it comes to your exhaustion. You should consider yourself lucky to have people looking out for you. You'd fall asleep in combat if not."

Shepard rolled his eyes. "I'm not sure you give me enough credit, Liara. Seriously. I'm fine." He made sure his shirt was tucked in properly.

"You were really out. I knocked. And I said your name a few times before you woke up." She smiled again, her angelic blue eyes dancing with mischief. "You were snoring."

"I was not," Shepard said incredulously. "I don't snore." For a moment he felt like nothing was wrong. Liara's presence had a way of soothing him. She was a break in the storm cloud, and he felt his shoulders relax.

"Unless you're so exhausted you can barely stand," She laughed.

"...I don't snore." He repeated quietly. "So what's the word around the ship?"

Liara's smile faded. "It's not your fault you know. No one blames you for this. Sheshi made her choices and no one saw it."

"I know." He was lying. He did feel like it was his fault. "But this ship is still my responsibility as is the safety of my crew." He lowered his voice. "I thought about talking to her again, seeing if I could get anything else out of her, but the truth is I don't think she knows anything she's not telling me. And I think she's scared."

Liara nodded. "She'll be safe in custody." She looked around a little and crossed her arms. He could tell she felt like she was being watched.

"I hope so." He touched her shoulder, and then walked past her out into the mess. He felt like he could hear a pin drop. The few crew members he did see muttered a greeting to him.

This was gonna be a long day.

* * *

Garrus didn't quite know what to do with himself. He'd taken his bag to the barracks with some of the rest of the crew, but it was an Alliance facility and he just felt strange. He thought of that human term "a fish out of water." It seemed to make sense in this situation. He wondered if he might be the only Turian on Earth at the moment. Probably not, but he sure seemed to be the only Turian in Vancouver.

His appointment to meet with the Alliance officials was tomorrow. They would be conducting short interviews of the entire crew. After Tang, it was pretty much regular procedure. In the meanwhile he had to figure out a way to pass the time. A couple of the crew members had asked him if he'd wanted to get a drink, but he wasn't really in the mood. And he didn't suppose any bars here served any good Turian liquor anyway.

As he stood, looking at the people in the lush green man made park he thought of Shepard. He was worried about him. He had barely made eye contact with him earlier as he'd brushed passed him, headed to his day of long meetings. He'd have to make an in depth report while an Alliance team "cleaned" the Normandy. That's what they'd called it. They would be sweeping the ship for bugs, combing through files and data and trying to ascertain what kind of intelligence had been compromised and sent to Cerberus.

The man they'd taken into custody would be interrogated, as would Tang. Shepard had insisted they put her in protective custody. He knew what Garrus knew, that Cerberus probably didn't like their operatives talking.

The crew once again had some unexpected and unwelcome liberty. Free time was usually nice to come by in military situations, but the Normandy crew had been dragged through red tape more than once. Garrus hated red tape.

He caught site of a man and a woman who had clearly been staring at him. They turned away quickly, speaking quietly. Just a couple out for a walk. They'd probably never even seen a Turian. Garrus suddenly found himself feeling self-conscious, and missing Tali. She would have understood, and it would have been nice to spend the time with someone else who was different in a place like this.

Wrex had gone directly to the nearest training spot. He'd expressed his need to shoot some things so Shepard had gotten him access to one of the holo training sim facilities. Garrus imagined he'd be spending the whole day there. In fact he kind of hoped he would. A Turian was strange enough for people to see, but a Krogan? That could be terrifying, and Wrex didn't have the best manners to say the least.

Liara would fit in the most here. Even though he hadn't seen any other Asari, he knew that generally speaking humans seemed kind of affectionate toward the Asari. Or so he'd heard. They did resemble humans in a way. He wasn't sure what Liara was up to. He thought of sending her a message, but he realized he was doing it out of his own insecurity. He was sure she was busy doing research somewhere.

A second glance from another small group of humans was enough to make Garrus decide maybe the park wasn't for him. He turned and left, not really knowing where he'd go next.

* * *

The meetings felt long and drawn out. It was mostly just Shepard answering question after question. The initial reports at least were good. Or at least better than Shepard had hoped. It turned out Tali's program did manage to snag a fair bit of the secondary intel before it got processed and uploaded to a third party. The news had made the Brass cranky, but Shepard didn't even care that they were scolding him about allowing third party, non-Alliance sanctioned tests on their ship.

The rest, they simply couldn't know. Sheshi's report would tell them exactly the things she had directly sent to them, but ambient information would be more difficult to determine. It could take days, maybe even weeks.

By the time Shepard walked out of the building, all he wanted was a nice cold beer. Or maybe something stronger. The sun had just gone down and the Vancouver night life was just starting to get under way. As he strolled along he could see groups of off duty Alliance personnel headed out for drinks and dinner. He realized he was starving too.

He glanced at his omnitool, realizing that he hadn't had a chance to check any of his messages. There was a strange one. A set of coordinates and a second number were the only thing in the body of the message, and the sender's ID was unknown. It looked like a public kiosk number so he couldn't very well send a response. He stood staring for a long time at the numbers, trying to figure out their meaning. He didn't have the brain power for riddles tonight.

He punched the coordinates in and decided to take a cab to their location. It was local. As he climbed in the cab he thought of the possibilities. It could be a contact, someone wanting to talk to him about Cerberus. It seemed very cloak and dagger for it to be anything else.

Shepard checked his omni tool as he exited the cab. He was at the location of the first set of coordinates he'd gotten in the message. It was an upscale hotel. He glanced at the second set of numbers, numbers he'd assumed to be a room. He suddenly had a hunch the message was from Ash, but he was armed anyway, just in case it wasn't. Shepard had learned to expect the unexpected in the last few months especially.

He bypassed the front desk entirely and headed to the glass elevator, making his way up to the 35th floor. The view was nice. The Vancouver skyline and the water shimmered with lights. He thought of all the time he'd spent in Vancouver. It was a day here, a couple days there. But it all added up. Vancouver was the main Alliance hub, so a lot of soldiers spent time here passing through.

On the 35th floor he exited the elevator and glanced in both directions down the hall. As he made his way to the end, to the room marked 21, he gave in to his cautionary instincts and took his pistol off his belt from under his jacket. He held it down at his side as he approached the doorway. After a moment, he knocked, placing the pistol on the wall next to the door, hiding it from view.

After a few seconds the door opened and Shepard smiled when he saw Ashley standing there. It was a relief on so many levels. Not only was he glad there was no one waiting to kill him on the other side of the door, but the day had been long and hard and exhausting. And the sight of her had caused his shoulders to relax and a breath he felt like he'd been holding to exhale from him.

"Hey," he greeted.

She smiled slightly and raised an eyebrow, clearly trying to read his mood and expression. She hadn't heard the not so bad news yet. Her eyebrow rose higher as he put his pistol away, and stepped into the room.

"You expecting a fight?" Ash said, closing the door. She was in her civvies, a simple tank top and dark pants. She wore no makeup, and her hair hung in an easy tousled wave on her shoulders.

Shepard scoffed. "After the day I've had, maybe."

She sighed. "Yeah. I guess maybe a cryptic message wasn't really the best idea was it?"

Shepard chuckled. "Maybe not, but I'm here aren't I?"

She cringed just a little, realizing that whatever her plan was had possibly stressed him out more than anything. "I'm sorry." She smiled at him again. "I was trying to be discreet. I mean I could try to shoot you if you want." She gestured to his pistol.

"No thanks," he deadpanned. His brow furrowed. "Is everything okay? You're not in trouble are you?"

"No, no" She answered quickly.

He took a second to look around the room. It was large, with a living area and doorways leading to a bedroom and a bathroom. "So... what is this?"

Ashley took a deep breath before she spoke. "I know that things have been... messed up... lately. With Cerberus, and the Alliance, and our bullshit orders... and now with Sheshi." She stepped toward him. "Anyway I thought maybe you might need some alone time. Away from the ship, in a nice random, private space." She shrugged. "I knew you wouldn't just take the time on your own so I just... got you a room."

"You..." Shepard laughed and ran his hand over his close cropped hair. "You just... got me a room."

She nodded. "I thought you might need to clear your head." She picked up the bottle of whiskey off of the coffee table. "And I wasn't sure what the outcome of your meetings would be so I thought you might want this in either case. And I brought you dinner."

Shepard took a moment to let the gesture sink in. It was incredibly thoughtful. He smiled at her. "Well the good news is it looks like Tali might have saved us a lot of trouble after all."

Ash's eyes widened a little. "Really? Oh god that's great news. Do we know how much was compromised?"

He shook his head and shrugged out of his jacket, placing it on the back of a chair. "No. Not yet. We'll have to wait, but all things considered today could have been a lot worse I suppose." He looked around the room and shook his head. "You said you even brought dinner?" She nodded. He smiled. "Ash, this is... Thank you. This means a lot."

He watched her face turn into a small smirk and then she took a breath. "Well then. I guess I'll leave you to your privacy." She headed for the door with full confidence that he was going to stop her. He did so by putting a hand on her waist and pulling her closer to him.

"Where do you think you're going?"

She shrugged innocently. "It's not like I have some ulterior motive here, Shepard. I just wanted to give you a place to escape for the night."

He raised an eyebrow and slid his other hand around her waist as well. "No ulterior motive huh?"

"Nope."

"None at all." She shook her head, barely containing a grin. "Ash..."

"Hm?"

"You brought an overnight bag." He nodded to a small black satchel leaning against the wall in the next room. She was busted and she knew it.

"Okay," She moved her arms up to drape lazily around his shoulders and neck, and smiled. "Maybe just a little bit of an ulterior motive." He smiled at her, finding her deep brown eyes and lingering there. She lowered the volume of her voice slightly and pressed herself onto him gently. "I guess I'm not very subtle am I?"

He laughed quietly and moved her hair behind one of her ears. The near hilarity of her question rolled around in Shepard's mind. She wasn't subtle at all. She never had been, and he hoped she never would be. He understood blunt and straightforward, and even when Ashley was difficult to read, she was never shy. He loved it about her. A simple, quiet "No you're not," escaped his lips before Ashley pressed hers to him.

The kiss was sweet and soft, and also not subtle. She pulled away from him a few inches and took a couple of steps back. "Then I'll be blunt," she said, then turned toward the bedroom, tossing her next words over her shoulder. "Get in here and get your clothes off."

Shepard barely waited a full second before smiling and following her, anxious to carry out her request.


	28. One Less to Worry About

**Chapter 28: One Less to Worry About**

Peace and quiet. Finally. The only sound in the room was the soft ragged breathing of the two of them sprawled exhaustively on the bed. A happy sigh escaped Ashley's lips as she settled in on his still sweaty chest, invoking a smile from the lips that were barely grazing her forehead.

"This was a good idea."

His quiet words brought her head up, allowing her to reposition to hover over him just slightly as her dark hair slipped from one of her shoulders. It caught his gaze for a second, and then his eyes traveled up her neck, her jawline, to her much kissed smiling lips, and finally to her dark brown eyes, which sparkled with mischief.

"I have lots of good ideas."

"I noticed."

She responded by raising an eyebrow and then kissing his lips. "Feeling better?" she whispered.

"Are you serious?" She laughed, resting her head back down on his shoulder as she turned to lie on her back, catching her breath.

"I just mean I know you're stressed."

Shepard rolled over placing himself halfway above her. "I don't want to talk about that right now." The moment was too nice for him to go retreating into his head, so instead of doing that he decided to place a slow trail of kisses along her warm throat.

His mouth coaxed a breathless chuckle from her. "What would you rather talk about?"

"Fun things." He relaxed, rolling just a bit to her side, still close to her face.

"What kind of fun things?" She ran a thumb over his stubbled cheek and he realized he hadn't shaved in a few days.

"This." He said simply. "I like this." She smiled affectionately up at him before he spoke again. And I also like that cute little growl you have when you're ordering me around."

"I don't order you around!" She laughed and play punched his chest.

"You do. You're bossy."

She scoffed. "So are you. Maybe I should start calling you Commander in bed."

"Please don't. Besides I wasn't complaining."

She narrowed her eyes up at him. "I don't order you around," she said again and then kissed just under his ear, causing goose bumps to rise on his flesh. Her bare foot slid up his leg a few inches, rendering him slightly dizzy. He was helpless by the time her whisper found his ear. "I make requests."

There was a long pause as they lay there smiling. His fingertips found hers and intertwined, before she spoke again.

"Glad there's no cameras here.' She laughed, but he could tell she was feeling uncomfortable about the whole situation on the Normandy. "So much for your quarters being private."

He shook his head. "Sheshi said at some point she started hand picking what to send to them. I can't imagine something like that would be high on the list of intel."

"Still, it's a little creepy though right? All of it I mean. Not just the idea that you and I starred in our very own porno. I mean the whole ship."

"I suppose that's one way to describe it," Shepard sighed. Ashley shifted to sit up and he followed suit, letting his hand rub her back in a reassuring way. "If you're worried -"

"No. No I... I mean that's the least of our worries right now. But yeah I suppose it has occurred to me that this could come back to bite us in the ass professionally."

Shepard scoffed just a little. "If that happens we'll deal with it. The Alliance has bigger things to deal with than who's sleeping with who." He kissed her. "Besides, I'm starting to think it's worth it."

She smiled as he smoothed some of her hair behind her ear. "Me too." She chuckled. "So, Shepard you wanna ride off together into the sunset and forget about this whole mess and live happily ever after?"

He laughed softly and ran a thumb across her impeccable cheek bone. "Sounds good to me." They took a moment enjoy the momentary fantasy before she kissed his hand and slid out of bed, heading toward the bathroom.

Shepard stood as well, checked his omnitool for any important messages and then pulled on his boxers and headed to the window to stare at the skyline.

He was back to thinking about the mess they were in. His eyes coasted over the water, the lights of the busy nightlife. He thought about the Reapers and what them coming here could mean. How was he supposed to stop something so massive? He hoped to God that he was wrong, that they were all wrong, and that the Reapers would just go away. He'd gladly face disciplinary action if it meant nothing happened. And he still felt stonewalled at every turn. His crew was behind him, but no one else. The galaxy seemed determined to make things difficult for him. He didn't even hear Ashley approach behind him, now wearing her own underwear and tank top.

"You have that look again." She said, sliding up next to him. He put his arms around her waist and pulled her closer to face him.

"What look?"

"That far away, weight of the world... Prothean beacon type look. The one you get when you're trying to figure it all out."

"I'm just trying to figure out where to find a horse so we can ride off into the sunset."

She laughed. "Fine. Don't tell me, but can we eat now? I'm starving."

Shepard had almost forgotten that Ashley had brought a pizza and he was suddenly famished as well. He followed her to the living area of the suite and watched her open the box of pizza, curing up on the couch with a piece. She took a bite and shrugged.

"It's cold, but still good. So how long until we can get back onto the ship? Did they say?"

Shepard sat and grabbed a piece himself, taking a big bite and a few seconds to chew and swallow it. "They're still cleaning, but it looks like they'll be done by tomorrow morning."

Ashley leaned forward to grab the bottle of whiskey and two tumblers. She poured two and handed Shepard one. She took a sip before bringing her long legs up to lay across his lap. He had to smile at her casual recline, piece of pizza in one hand, tumbler of whiskey in the other. There was nothing about her that wasn't beautiful, even the way she relaxed.

"Listen, I know you and Sheshi were close. You doin' okay?" He realized he hadn't asked. He knew Ashley and Sheshi had been friends and he'd been so absorbed in the rest of the trouble he hadn't thought to ask how she was feeling.

"I don't know." Her eyes seemed sad, her vulnerability unhidden from him. "I'm angry. And hurt. I mean we talked, you know? I told her things about my family, my life. Just the idea that she knows anything at all about me, that I was totally duped into thinking she was my friend. I just..." She sighed. "And that's just on a personal level. With everything else I just wanna break her nose."

He sighed. "She fooled us all, Ash."

She tossed her pizza crust back into the box and took a sip of her whiskey. She tapped her fingers on the tumbler thoughtfully. "Just makes me think of all the good people I've lost. People who would never betray their duty. The 212, Kaidan..."

Shepard put his drink down on the table and faced her. "Well I'm not goin' anywhere," he reassured. "And we're not done with this fight yet, so suck it up Chief."

"Fine fine I'll stop whining if you give me a foot massage." She giggled and then wiggled her toes in his lap.

"God, you're demanding." He snatched up one of her feet and gently pressed his thumbs into the sole of them. "You owe me after this."

"No way. My feet are pretty and you're lucky to touch them." She grinned and grabbed another slice of pizza, prompting him to add a tickle to his ministrations. She yelped. "No tickling!"

"You hear from your family recently?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Everyone's good. My niece just had a birthday."

"Nice. Hey you have a birthday coming up next month don't you?" Time out in the Traverse could be strange. Moving from system to system meant time changed here and there. The Alliance Military obviously followed earth time, but it was difficult to count the days when they were all in the dark of space.

"Why do you know that?" Ashley raised her eyebrow suspiciously.

"I have your file."

"And you just remember everyone's birthday from their file?"

"No. I noticed yours because our birthdays are just a few days apart." He'd be 30 soon. He felt older. His early 20s living care free in the military were long gone.

"So we're both Aries."

"Say what now?"

"Oh my sister Abby is all into the astrology stuff. So she keeps blabbing about birth signs and what they mean. She would tell us that we're both Aries, which means we're stubborn and brash and strong and tend to be good leaders. We also tend to butt heads with... other Aries."

"Huh... that' explains a lot." He switched to her other foot.

Just then, Shepard's omni tool made a noise. Ashley whined. "Hey what did I say about whining, Chief." He looked at the display. "It's a message from Garrus."

Ashley sat up, seemingly curious about what Garrus had to say. As Shepard hit the button to play the message, he was greeted with the loud rowdy sounds and music of a bar.

"Shepard!" He heard. He could tell right off the bat that Garrus was drunk. "I found the only bar in all of Vancouver that had a bottle of Turian whiskey!"

"Oh my god," Ashley said. "Did he just slur that? I can barely understand him."

"It's uh... it's ah... wait a minute wait a minute - what's this bar called Michael?" Shepard heard Garrus turn away from the mic as he asked whoever Michael was the question. He heard some kind of voice saying something and then Garrus returned. "Right yeah Finney's. I'm at Finney's regaling everyone with stories."

"Uh, hopefully not classified ones..." Ashley murmured.

"You should come-a- have a drink with me. I know you had a hard day." There was what sounded like a muffled noise of someone knocking something over and then "Anyway I'll be here." And then the message ended.

Shepard looked at Ashley, and her eyes knew what his did, but she shook her head.

"Uh uh," she said. "We are not responsible for some sloppy drunk Turian tonight."

"I didn't even think he drank."

"I've been drunk with Garrus." She shrugged. "Seemed like he could hold his liquor."

"Wait, when was this? On the ship? Quit breaking my rules!" He added another tickle to her foot. She jumped.

"Stop! Okay focus, Shepard. Garrus is the one bombed out of his leathery skull." She moved to sit on his lap facing him on the couch and kissed him. "He's a big boy, he can take care of himself."

Shepard sat back on the couch and sighed, hating himself for his next sentence. "I think we're gonna have to go get him."

"No. Come on." She kissed him again. She lowered her voice to a sultry whisper. "Anything I can do to change your mind?"

Shepard groaned, definitely wanting to answer yes to that, but he knew he shouldn't. "I don't want there to be any trouble, and you know my crew is my responsibility. It could get ugly if anyone starts anything with him."

Ashley pouted just a little. "But..."

"I know, but I'd rather not deal with the fallout if something goes south."

She sighed. "Okay but we are _not _bringing him back here."

* * *

"God dammit," Ashley cursed under her breath as she bumped into the door frame. Garrus was a lot heavier than he looked. She and Shepard had gone down to the bar that he'd called from. By the time they'd gotten there he'd gone through the entire bottle of Turian whiskey he'd mentioned and was pestering the bartender Michael for more. Even as Michael explained they didn't have any more Turian whiskey, Garrus seemed bound and determined to drink something non-dextro that would make him sick.

After Shepard paid his tab, and after an awkward moment of Garrus trying to figure out why Ashley was with Shepard so late, they'd managed to convince him to leave with them.

They steered him toward the couch in the living area of their suite and flopped him down on it face down.

"I owe you guys. Wow so sorry about all this. It. I don't think I had anything to eat earlier and... hey this is a nice room whose room is this?"

"Not yours," Ashley barked. She looked at Shepard who offered her a small, apologetic shrug. "Tell me again why we couldn't take him to the barracks?"

"This is just easier than dealing with the paperwork, Ash. And I've had enough paperwork to last me a lifetime."

She sighed, knowing his was right. She couldn't help but be disappointed. As she looked at Garrus, who looked like he was already passed out, she watched her plan of passionate, stress relieving, marathon sex circle the drain and disappear. She sighed. And then felt Shepard's hand on her waist and then his lips on her cheek.

"I'm sorry about this, Ash. Really."

"It's not your fault. I just wish we'd had more time here."

"I always wish that." He frowned. "You're not going are you?"

"I probably should." She regretted it, but she didn't really want to have to deal with any awkward encounters with Garrus during the night or in the morning. "It's a little crowded here now, but I want you to enjoy what you can of it."

"I'd enjoy it more if you were here. Come on. Stay."

She could feel her resolve fading just a little. She glanced at Garrus, dead to the world, and then back to Shepard, who had his eyebrow raised. He kissed her lips.

"He's out cold. Come on, we'll close that bedroom door and you won't even know he's here."

She laughed. "You sound like a teenager."

"Come on,"

"I dunno."

His lips moved to her jaw and neck just below her ear. "Anything I can do to convince you?" he said in a low voice.

She felt herself relent and kiss him back, enjoying the feeling of his hands on her lower back. She let her head swim with the feeling of his mouth, ready to simply forget about their friend on the couch and then Garrus started the kind of snoring that could wake the dead. Their kisses promptly stopped and they both turned to shoot daggers in his direction.

"Oh I hate him. Oh do I hate him" She realized she was actually clenching her fists.

"Yeah." Shepard sighed. "Yeah. So...see you tomorrow?"

"Yep." Ashley groaned and went to the bedroom to grab her bag. She headed for the door and was caught by Shepard again.

"Seriously though. Thank you so much for this." He looked like he didn't know what to say. It was cute. Finally he kissed her again. "You're pretty damn amazing, you know that?"

She grinned and kissed him a quick goodbye. "I'll go find us a horse for that whole sunset thing. See ya." She headed out of the hotel and back to the Alliance barracks where most of the other crew would be staying. This would probably look better anyway.

Garrus owed her big.

* * *

The morning light hit Shepard's face in his hotel room bed and he rolled over to avoid it. He rubbed his eyes and looked at the time. It was still pretty early, but he supposed he should get up. He took a moment to roll onto his back and spread out across the big bed. This was the second time in less than two weeks he'd been in a nice hotel room and not gotten to spend the night with Ashley. To be honest, it was starting to piss him off.

His eyebrows lowered in a grouchy manner as he thought of Garrus, no doubt still asleep on his couch in the living area. At least he'd gotten to spend a little time with Ashley. And that had been nice. Better than nice. He smiled at the memory. After a moment, he removed the sheet from his form and sat up, rubbing his eyes. He stood, pulled on his pants and shuffled out into the living area to find Garrus sitting up on the couch, his head in his taloned hands.

"Garrus," Shepard greeted in a deadpan tone.

Garrus groaned. "I know, I know. I'm sorry Shepard." He looked up at him and Shepard realized his eyes were bloodshot.

Shepard crossed his arms. "You were a real pain in the ass last night Garrus. That's not like you. What's up?"

Garrus stood, a little shaky and stood up straight to face Shepard. "Shepard first of all, I want to apologize. Yeah, I was in rare form last night and to be honest I'm really damn embarrassed about that. Maybe it was being the only Turian in town, or just boredom or... I don't know. In any case it was nice of you and Williams to come drag me back here. I owe you both." He looked around nervously. "Is she...here?"

"No. No Garrus, she's not." Garrus seemed to catch his meaning.

"Then... I'm extra sorry."

"Uh huh. Look just try not to mention it to anyo-"

"Oh no. I wouldn't. I don't gossip and quite frankly I don't care what either of you do with your downtime... I'm just sorry I messed it up for you."

Shepard smiled just a little and clapped Garrus on the back. "Don't worry about it," he said. "You can buy me a drink sometime."

Garrus seemed to cringe. "Not for while I think. So just how pissed off is Williams? On a scale of 1 to... Williams."

"What do you think?"

"Right. Right, well I'll be sure to apologize when she's not doing weapons maintenance."

"Probably a good idea. I'm gonna shower and then see if we can head back to the ship." Shepard headed toward the bathroom. "Don't eat that leftover pizza or you'll die."

"Maybe I'll just... doze for a few more minutes," Shepard heard Garrus say as he entered the bathroom. He shook his head and turned on the water.

* * *

"I know this has been a hard couple of days." Liara listened to Shepard's voice carry through the room as the entire crew gathered to listen. He'd called them all to the CIC so he could speak to them in person. He looked tired. He always looked tired these days. "I know some of you were close with Tang. And I know that you've had to sit through some pretty personal interviews and debriefings in the last 24 hours. Everyone is tired and losing a member of the crew like this is bound to feel shitty. I know that. But our mission hasn't changed. The ship is clean and we're starting fresh out there, so I need everyone on their game." He paused, and then nodded. "We have a job to do, people. Let's get it done. Dismissed."

With that the crew filed out of the room, some of them murmuring, others silent. Liara knew that morale had been low. Sheshi had been a valuable part of the team, and a friend to many of the crew members. Her betrayal was hurtful to them. She could see it in their eyes.

Liara hadn't had to go through much of an interview process, in fact she thought the whole thing was just a routine exercise. Most of the crew hadn't taken long with their interviews, save the ones that were closest with Sheshi. Most of them hadn't even come back to the barracks until much later that night. Liara had been up reading when Joker, Haines, Fitzer and the other engineers came in very drunk and trying not be loud. They'd failed, and each of them had passed out in bunks nearby hers. They had obviously decided to cope with the stress by getting drunk. After Liara's night of drinking with Williams, however, she'd considered herself off the stuff.

Liara had been in bed, but not asleep when Williams came in very late carrying her bag. She'd sighed and plopped it down on the bunk next to Liara, then simply said "don't ask" when Liara had given her a questioning look. She figured she must have been with Shepard at some point in the night. Liara wasn't even sure where Shepard was. He'd dropped off the map after his meetings. So had Garrus. It seemed everyone just wanted to disappear for a little while.

She approached Shepard, who was poking at a data pad. "How are you doing?" she asked him. He looked up at her and smiled, catching her blue eyes with his and she smiled back.

"Hanging in there," he said. "I'm just looking forward to getting back out there. God help me I'm actually excited to go on all these errands chasing geth now."

"It should be a welcome break after the crazy few days we've had."

He ran a hand over his closely cropped hair and sighed. "Yeah." He raised an eyebrow at her then. "If you're worrying about me cracking under the pressure or going nuts here, I'm fine."

She had to chuckle. "Oh no. No I know you're not cracking. But I am here if you need to talk. You know that."

Their eyes met for a moment affectionately. "I know," he said quietly.

"Shepard!" Wrex's voice came from the doorway and they both turned to look at him as he waddled up to them. Liara could see that he was troubled. Krogan facial expressions weren't that familiar to her, but it looked like he was sad, maybe hurt. For a moment she considered excusing herself, but then Wrex began to speak, clearly not caring that she was there. "There's a situation I have to go take care of, Shepard."

"What kind of situation?"

Wrex shook his head. "Let's call it family business. I have to get back to Tuchanka as soon as I can."

Shepard looked confused. "What's going on Wrex?"

"It's personal, Shepard. Don't pry. All you need to know is that I have to leave. I'm sorry."

"Wrex I need you here for the mission." Shepard's voice was firm. "We're already down crew and Tali's not here. We can't afford to lose anymore squad mates here."

Wrex waved his hand dismissively. "You don't need me Shepard. I've been sitting on my ass while you deal with all this political bullshit that I have no interest in. It doesn't take a Krogan to fight some geth or any mushy Cerberus operatives. I need a fight, and I got one on Tuchanka."

Liara could see Shepard's jaw clench and his eyes became angry. "You're deserting us."

"Watch your mouth, Shepard. I wouldn't go if I didn't have to." Wrex seemed to sigh and put his head down. "You've been a great leader and a good friend to me Shepard and I won't forget that. But I have to go. I can't say any more than that."

Liara felt suddenly like an intruder as eh watched the two of them stare each other down. She knew that Shepard knew that logically he couldn't be angry about this. Wrex had volunteered, just like Tali, just like all of the non-Alliance personnel, but coming on the heels of something so damaging to the crew, Liara could tell that this hurt Shepard.

"I won't be shipping out with you here," Wrex said, rather quietly, almost apologetically. "I've gotten passage on a cargo ship headed for the Dis system. From there I'll catch a ride to Tuchanka and take care of my problem."

Shepard stood still, staring at Wrex for just a moment before he nodded and extended his hand to the Krogan. "Good luck, Wrex. Ship won't be the same without you."

Wrex took his hand in his and shook it vigorously. "Same to you, Shepard. I'll keep in touch and hopefully be able to get back in the fight someday."

He turned to Liara then. "Take care, Tsoni."

"You too, Wrex."

Then he turned back to Shepard. "I'm not one for long goodbyes so tell Williams and Vakarian... Tell them whatever." He nodded at Shepard again. "Shepard."

"Wrex," Shepard said, nodding back. And then he stomped out of the room.

Liara looked at Shepard. "Shepard."

He turned to her and forced a smile. "You're not leaving too are you?"

"No. Of course not." She found herself laughing sadly before placing a hand on his shoulder. "If Wrex is leaving it must be important. He didn't seem happy about it."

"I know. I just... Yeah."

"Come on," She grabbed his arm. "Let's get out there and do some good."

He let her lead him out of the CIC and smiled crookedly at her. "Yes maam."


	29. Momento Mori

**Momento Mori**

The metal was cool and rough on her bare feet as Ashley padded through the deserted hallway of the ship, the quiet hum her only accompaniment. In the late hour, everyone was asleep. Everyone but her. The dim wall lights of the Normandy's hallway beckoned her toward the darkened mess hall, where she knew he would be waiting. She'd had this dream before, and it always started the same. She wore what she usually wore to sleep in on the ship, her grey tank top and a pair of short, comfortable shorts. It was so vivid every time and she always marveled at how she could feel the cotton on her skin, the floor on her feet, the air from the floor vents on her legs as she walked.

As she rounded the corner and focused her gaze on the mess hall table, she smiled. He looked up, sitting casually there, a small smile on his face, always waiting for her with a bottle of whiskey and two shot glasses sitting in front of him. His smile always widened as she approached, and always for a moment she was convinced that he was really there and stopped missing him for just a little while.

"It's about time, Chief." He said this every time.

"Getting my duties squared away, Lieutenant." She said this every time too.

She blinked and found herself transported, sitting across from him, her palms flat on the cold table in front of her. She found his deep brown eyes. She had come to enjoy her talks with Kaidan in the mess while she slept. There was a part of her that wanted to believe that somehow it really was him, that he had forgiven her, that they were still friends, that he was happy somewhere else. Their meetings never lasted long, but it was always good to see him.

Their last couple of sessions had seemed like any normal day they'd conversed. They talked about family, drank the whiskey together from a bottle that never seemed to empty. She'd told him all about how they'd won, how they'd saved lives, how they were going to save more. He always seemed proud, happy, with no regrets.

"It's getting cold," He said.

Her next words escaped her mouth as if someone else was saying them. They just came. "It's always cold in space." Something ominous and eerie about the words that weren't hers caused goose bumps to rise on her flesh and her blood to run cold. She shivered.

He poured her some whiskey "This will warm you up."

She took it and shot it back, as if its burn would fight off her uneasy feeling. Even the whiskey tasted real, leaving a hot, burning comfort to coat her esophagus. Her chill had been replaced now with something else, something worse. Heartache. Guilt. She wanted to turn away from his gaze, couldn't bear to look into his eyes as her own blurred with threatening tears.

His affectionate eye contact turned to something else then. It became hollow, cold and hard, maybe even a little sad. Ashley realized there was something was different about this dream. This wouldn't be a pleasant conversation about good times and funny anecdotes. He stared at her for a long time; so long she couldn't take it. She felt naked and ashamed under his glare.

Finally, she tried to escape, using her usual tactics of humor. She laughed, nervously, tearing her eyes away from his. "Quit lookin' at me like that, you weirdo."

"Should have been you, Williams." There had been no pause or hesitation in his voice.

Her heart caught in her throat and choked her. Her hands balled into fists in her lap. He'd never said that before. They'd never even talked about Virmire. She forced herself to breathe, releasing the breath she had been holding. She had known this day would come, the day he finally accused her of what she knew was true.

"I know," she barely choked through a whisper. Every day she had thought it, and every day she had told herself how messed up it was to think it. But she couldn't help it. No matter the day, no matter her mood, no matter how grateful she was to be alive, there was always a moment, always a sharp, decisive thought that their places should had been switched.

"I would have stayed. I tried to stay." Even as she clumsily apologized, she knew it wasn't what he wanted to hear.

"He wouldn't have let you."

She swallowed hard, forcing the thought from worming its way into her heart. "That's not what happened." But it was already there, the terrible thought having burrowed into her mind long ago, though she had tried so hard to keep it hidden, keep it buried. Shepard had reassured her that his choice hadn't been made based on how he felt about her, and she had convinced herself that was true, unwilling to accept that it wasn't. But in her heart she knew the truth, that he had said it to try to spare her the crushing guilt that she felt anyway.

"Isn't it?" Kaidan's voice was a bit louder now.

Her other avoidance tactic, anger, bubbled to the surface as she defended Shepard. "And what would you have done? What's the right answer if you had to make that decision, huh?"

"He'd _never_ leave you." He had ignored her question because it was pointless to ask it. What was done was done, and it could never be changed.

Her tear finally escaped her eye, but her eyes were hard on his. "That's not what happened." She repeated with less conviction this time.

A shriek of what sounded like metal grinding on metal caught her attention and startled her, causing her to turn her head toward its origin. As she turned she heard shattering glass, and when she snapped her head back to look at Kaidan he was gone. The empty, broken bottle of whiskey now lay at her feet where she suddenly inexplicably stood. She gasped as a shard sliced into the ball of her foot. She lifted it, watching the blood pool on the floor for a moment before her attention was grabbed by something else.

She ship was alive now, moaning in what seemed like pain. It groaned from deep within, the sounds of metal warping and bending, twisting. It was all around her and far away from her, like it was being crushed as it plead for its life. Her eyes darted from place to place, trying to determine its origins, and then she found herself standing next to the empty, unused sleeper compartments near the escape pods.

The sudden silence was deafening and her ears strained to hear anything at all. The engine had stopped and she could hear only her own shaky breathing, her own heartbeat. Another shriek and high pitched wail from the bowels of the ship, another agonized groan as something contorted and shifted.

Her eyes landed on the hull of the ship just as one final cry of anguish from the vessel ripped the entire side off of itself. For a split second, Ashley watched as the Normandy crumpled and blew away like ashes out into the dark abyss.

She awoke with a small gasp, her eyes opening wide. She blinked a few times as they adjusted to the dark slowly and she took a few deep calming breaths trying to remember where she was. The ceiling of Shepard's cabin came into focus then and she relaxed, reassuring herself it was just a bad dream.

The image of Kaidan's face popped into her mind then and it twisted the knife in her heart. It had finally happened. He'd finally said everything in her dream that she had been waiting for him to say. She turned her head to look at Shepard lying next to her, on his back, fast asleep, his breathing even. She resisted the urge to curl up with him and take solace in his sleepy embrace. She couldn't bring herself to touch him, and as she lay there she became restless, suddenly wanting nothing more to be nowhere near him.

In the last week and a half since they'd been back out in the traverse, she had slept in his quarters several nights, something the both of them had been determined wouldn't happen. All pretense of keeping things professional had flown out the airlock and they had practically been slaves to their hormones, sneaking around late at night to spend time together. They hadn't tried very hard to keep it off the ship, even though both had been adamant about doing so.

A lustful look, a discreet graze of her hips with his hand as he passed her, a not so subtle late night invitation. All had reduced her to tiptoe-ing into his quarters in the wee hours while the ship was still. She always snuck out again and back to her own bunk before the bulk of the ship was up and moving around. She couldn't tell if she was being overly cautious or not cautious enough. She had lost all sense of perspective on their situation. Her judgment had been replaced by her body's overwhelming weakness around him, and that scared her.

She glanced at the clock. 0500. She should get back. She removed the sheet from her nude form and swung her legs to the side of the bed. Fumbling in the dark for her clothes, she quietly slipped them on, pulled her hair back into her bun and checked to make sure she hadn't woken him. He was still out, sheet to his waist, sprawled out happily. After watching his chest rise and fall for just a few seconds, she made her escape, and silently slipped from his quarters to head to her own bunk to pretend to sleep for a couple more hours.

She wondered if she ever really wanted to sleep again.

* * *

"Okay people listen up." Shepard had gathered Ash, Liara, and Garrus in the CIC. The room seemed so big and empty without Tali, Wrex, and Kaidan, but he'd decided to stop being sad about them being gone. They'd made their choices, and he'd made his. There was nothing he could do about it now, and his feelings being a little hurt by their departure wasn't going to help them get the job done.

He knew the team was tired. They'd been running around, working pretty non-stop. When Shepard stopped to think of all the work they were doing it could get overwhelming. Just a few days ago they'd stopped a group of Batarian terrorists from plummeting an asteroid into the colony planet Terra Nova. They'd saved millions of lives, and each of crew had simply handled it as if it was a normal day's work. It amazed him sometimes, the things they accomplished as a team in any given day. They were the kind of deeds that legends of heroes were born from, and yet at the end of the day it all felt small compared to the real task that Shepard knew lay ahead.

Between all of it they were eliminating pockets of geth on random planets. It wasn't even a war anymore - just a cleanup mission. The good news was there was no sign of Cerberus on their last few ops. Obviously whatever Operation Guardian was was no longer in effect. He'd heard the investigation had come to a standstill. He was disappointed, but unsurprised.

"Just got a ping from Admiral Hackett. And this is a weird one."

"What no geth this time?" Garrus seemed almost excited.

"No Geth. At least not that we can tell. No nothing actually."

"What do you mean?" Ashley asked. She plopped down in the chair next to him. She looked tired, like she hadn't slept. He supposed that could be expected. Aside from their nonstop work, they'd barely had time for sleep in the last few days. And those hours had been spent not sleeping much at all thanks to their newfound willingness to spend their nights together on the ship. He could admit to himself that it wasn't entirely appropriate. At this point he wasn't really sure he cared. He was feeling selfish, taking pleasure in the little things that so often eluded people like them. They were the simple things like falling asleep next to her, the normal things like getting lost in each other's touch, or the special things like very personal glimpses into who Ashley Williams was through quiet, sleepy conversation. Maybe it was irresponsible, unprofessional, but he wasn't willing to give it up, not right now anyway.

"Some ships have gone missing in the Tereshkova asteroid belt. A couple Alliance vessels and a mining ship."

"Weird." Garrus scoffed. "Could the asteroid belt be messing with their comms?"

Shepard shrugged. "I don't know, but no one's been pickin' up the phone, so we'll have to go check it out."

"Could be there are some people stranded." Liara yawned. She also looked sleepy. In fact, Garrus seemed to be the only one of them that still looked refreshed and ready to go. Shepard wasn't sure how the guy did it, but he never seemed to break a sweat or get tired.

"That would be bad." Ashley added. "We're far away from pretty much anything out here. Ship malfunction is bad news. How many people are on that mining ship?"

"We don't know much. There were some generic distress signals sent, but nothing that gives us a clear idea of what happened to those ships. Hopefully once we get into the system we'll be able to make contact."

"How long until we get there?" Garrus asked.

"About an hour. We should be dropping out of FTL right next door to it."

Garrus nodded. "Guess I'll get ready."

"Sounds good," Liara said. She and Garrus made their way toward the door and Shepard turned to Ashley who was just getting up as well.

"Hey," he said. She looked at him and smiled.

"Hey."

He lowered his voice out of habit. "Didn't hear you leave this morning."

She took a deep breath, and seemed suddenly tense, though he had no idea why. "Yeah I didn't want to wake you." She nodded and smiled again, though this time it seemed forced. He quickly ran through his thoughts, trying to remember if there'd been anything she'd mentioned that had upset her, but came up with nothing.

As usual, the direct approach was what he went with. "You okay? You seem weird."

She scoffed. "Weird?"

"Yeah you have a look." He reached for her face to tweak her cheek and she playfully, but half-heartedly batted his hand away with a smile. He was joking with her, but she did seem sad.

"Knock it off," she laughed. "No, I'm good."

"Okay." He wasn't entirely convinced and raised an eyebrow at her.

She nodded. "I'm just tired I think. We're all tired." She waved her hand dismissively. "I'm gonna go get set up." She turned to walk out, leaving Shepard to stare after her. Something was bothering her, but he didn't have time to try to pry it out of her. Ash talked about things when and if she wanted to. They were similar that way. She didn't push him and he wouldn't push her. They could talk about it after the mission.

* * *

The first frigate wasn't much more than a nebula of floating space debris. As the Normandy got close to inspect the wreckage, Ashley squinted out the side window. They weren't going to have to leave the ship. There was nothing for them to board.

"Get closer, Joker." Shepard ordered. "I want to see if there's anything intact at all."

"Not likely." Joker mumbled as he steered the ship closer to the wreckage.

After a moment of scrutiny, Shepard shook his head. "No there's nothing left."

"What could have blown apart that ship like that?" Garrus was leaning over Ashley's shoulder, also staring.

"Whatever it was cut through it like butter." Ashley shook her head. "Must have been massive.'

"No Geth ship did this," Liara said quietly. The all stared in silence for a long time before Shepard spoke again.

"Okay Joker, get me Hackett. I'll have to tell him we found the Valiant."

"Yes sir."

Shepard headed directly to the comm room, leaving Ashley to peruse the wreckage again. She thought of all the soldiers that had been on it. She pictured them sitting down for some chow in the mess and then something tearing their ship apart. She shuddered as she remembered her dream. Watching the Normandy collapse into oblivion. She'd had a constant chill since she'd woken up earlier. She couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, that something terrible was about to happen. She tried to ignore it.

"I'm gonna hit the gym," she said to no one in particular, and headed off of the bridge. She needed a good run and some loud music in her headphones. It would be awhile until they got to the next ship's last location so she had some time to work off some of her anxiety.

Ten miles and about a hundred punches on the bag later, Ashley wasn't feeling the slightest bit better. When she was finally done with her workout, and drenched in sweat she still felt the chill of impending doom. She knew she was being dramatic, but it seemed appropriate. First her dream, her survivor's guilt, her inability to look Shepard in the eye, and now her gut was telling her something was off.

She put her hands on her hips and caught her breath. Her chest burned and she tried to focus on it, tried to channel her thoughts away from what was bothering her. Years of practiced avoidance came into action then and she was finally able to silence her head. She pushed her stray hairs that had escaped from her ponytail back from her face and decided it was time to hit the shower. No one would bother her in there. Not even Shepard, and she wasn't ready to talk about any of what she was feeling. Not yet.

The second ship was another cluster of rubble floating quietly in the dark. The same thing had happened, the ship having been blown apart by something it had been no match for. This was big news. They'd long since decided that whatever had done it was also responsible for the other ship as well. Geth didn't have the firepower to obliterate a whole ship and Batarians wouldn't even try to attack Alliance ships. They focused mainly on helpless mining and shipping vessels, and they never destroyed them, just scavenged them and took slaves.

To top it all off, Ashley hadn't been able to get rid of the boulder in her gut that was nagging her. It was starting to piss her off more than anything. She'd managed to get a couple hours of dreamless sleep while they headed toward the last known location of the mining ship, but she felt anything but refreshed. Worse, is that she knew that Shepard could tell something was wrong. She was glad he hadn't asked. She wouldn't know what to say at this point.

Her earpiece crackled to life as she yawned. Garrus was on the other end.

"Williams, you up yet?"

She cleared her throat. "Yeah."

"We're comin' up on the mining ship. Looks intact. I got your armor all ready for you."

She smiled. "Did you polish it too?"

She heard Garrus chuckle. "I would have if I'd had time."

"You're so good to me Gary."

"Thought I told you not to call me that, Pinky."

She laughed. She'd started calling him Gary not too long ago just to annoy him, and in return he'd called her Pinky, making fun of her Phoenix armor that she sometimes wore. He'd actually awkwardly apologized to her the other day for his drunken inconvenience. She appreciated that. "Fine fine. Be there in a minute. Thanks." She sat up, stood up, straightened up, and headed down to the cargo bay, where Shepard, Garrus and Liara were already suiting up.

The unsettling feeling in her stomach was still there when they reached the airlock. The ship looked fully intact, but no one had responded to their contact attempt. They moved in quickly through the door and onto the quiet, dark ship.

After a quick sweep of the whole place, it was determined that no one was on it.

"This is a ghost ship, Shepard," Garrus said.

"Where could they all have gone?" Ashley didn't want to know the answer.

"The hull is intact and none of the escape pods were launched." Liara's voice came through Ashley's helmet.

"Ship's got power, oxygen." Shepard added. He kicked around some debris in the living quarters and then paused.

"What?" Ashley had seen this look. She knew he was putting the puzzle together.

He looked around, and then finally met her eyes through his visor. "There was a struggle here." She looked around.

"You're right. But there are no marks from gunfire or anything."

"What the hell happened here?"

Ashley suddenly wanted nothing more to get off of this ship. A few routine checks of the systems and another futile sweep later, the team returned to the Normandy so Shepard could make his report. Ashley was glad to see him head straight to the comm room. She needed some alone time.

She retreated to her corner of the Normandy, eager to do some weapons maintenance. She almost wished she could talk to her sister about all of this, but she wouldn't be able to understand. Few people could. In fact, she had to laugh at the irony that Shepard was probably the only other person who would get how she was feeling. Survivor's guilt was something that probably a lot of soldier's shared, and Shepard got it.

She sighed and went to work, hoping to lose herself in her mundane task.

* * *

There was a searing heat on what Shepard could only guess was his face. The light around him was red and angry. He looked around frantically. He could see nothing, but inhuman cries of anguish surrounded him. Flashes of carnage, raw and gory assaulted him, so wet and mutilated he couldn't tell what they were. And then the inhuman groans turned to the screams of men and everything was black. He was fumbling somewhere, blindly, knowing he was trying to help, knowing that he was failing. The smell of sulfur and burned flesh filled what he supposed was his nostrils. The piercing shriek of something monstrous filled his ears and then it merged with his own screams. He felt what he thought might be his body torn apart slowly and then there was silence and no more pain. A voice echoed in the space of his mind then. _"Time to go, bud,"_ it said.

Shepard sat up quickly with a sharp gasp. He blinked and looked around quickly. The room around him, his cabin on the Normandy came slowly into focus for him and he exhaled. He closed his eyes, and then put his forehead in one of his hands. It was then he noticed he was covered in sweat. The sheet was practically stuck to his bare wet torso.

"Shit," he whispered to himself and fell back onto his back. The air around him was quiet again. He was glad he was alone. In fact he'd been alone for the last four nights, and couldn't help but notice that Ashley had been making herself scarce around the ship. For the moment, he was relieved that she wasn't there now to see him like this.

It had been a couple weeks since he'd had anything resembling a nightmare. He had been hoping they were done, but he knew they never really would be. He just wished they hadn't kicked up a notch since his experience with the beacons.

In his boxers, Shepard went into his bathroom and splashed cold water on his face and neck. As he leaned on the counter, looking at his tired face in the mirror, he recognized the voice from his nightmare. His father. The voice, tone and exact pattern of speech had been exactly what his dad would say to him when he was a kid every time he was about to walk out the door for a rotation of any length. It was strange that it was in his dream, but it had seemed the only moment of comfort. He sighed.

This last one had been a combination of familiar things. There were images, feelings, and sounds from the beacons and the cipher. The screams he'd heard had been of his fellow marines on Akuze. The excruciating pain he'd felt was new and disturbingly real. He felt violated by it, nauseous, and extremely unsettled. He realized that the water in the sink was still running and turned it off.

He walked back out into the dim light of his quarters and looked at the time. 0300. He didn't expect he'd get back to sleep so he decided a shower would be the best course of action.

He walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower as hot as he could possibly stand it. He let it flow over him, instantly relaxing his tense muscles. It melted his stress away. His mind wandered from thought to thought; his father and the moments they'd shared when he was a kid. He had always been more affectionate than his mother. He tried to think of good memories of his dad. There were plenty, even if they were spaced out over the years. He realized he hadn't spoken to him in a while, and felt suddenly homesick for it.

When he exited the bathroom he was surprised to find Ash sitting at the table with a bottle of whiskey. He reflexively smiled.

"Hey."

"Hey." She smiled back, looking much more relaxed than the last time he'd seen her. They'd been working a lot, and there hadn't been much time for personal interaction, but he was glad she'd finally come to him to talk.

He approached the table. "And here I thought you were avoiding me, Ash."

She stood, looking guilty and took a deep breath. "I was. I'm sorry."

"I knew something was up. What's goin' on?"

She looked thoughtful for just a moment and then laughed. "Well I brought some whiskey to help with that." She very noticeably ran her eyes over his towel clad form. "And I doubt there'll be much talking if you don't get dressed right this very second."

He moved in just a little to catch her eyes and deliver a smirk before walking over to his dresser to start getting dressed.

"So," he said as he pulled on his underwear and pants. "What's on your mind, Chief?" He put on his t-shirt and headed back over to the table where she now sat, having poured two shots of whiskey. He sat down with her. "This looks familiar."

She smiled. "At least it's not peppermint schnapps." They clinked glasses and took their shots. She sighed and fiddled with her shot glass.

"Ash, whatever it is you can talk to me."

"I know. I'm just trying to figure out how to say it."

"Well we have a whole bottle of whiskey for you to figure it out. And we won't be to the next system for a few hours."

"Good. Let's drink." She poured a couple more shots and they took them. "I haven't been sleeping well," she finally said. "I've been thinking."

"What about?"

She paused for a long moment. "Kaidan." She finally met his eyes, and he could see how much she was hurting. He knew she'd always felt guilty about Kaidan's death.

"What about Kaidan?"

"I've been having these dreams about him." She poured a couple more shots. "Ever since he died. It's just been a few times but it's always the same."

"What happens in the dream?" They took their shots.

"We sit and we talk and we laugh and drink and we have a good time." She shrugged. "And then I wake up." He waited for her to continue. "But the last one was different."

"How so?"

"He was... angry... hurt..."

Shepard took the moment to pour them both another shot. "What did he say?"

She took a shaky breath. "It's less about what he said and more about what I felt."

They took their shots. "Which is?"

She stared at her shot glass for a long time. He watched as the sadness and the guilt made its way to the surface. He could see her eyes starting to water just before she spoke again.

"I'm never gonna be okay about what happened am I?" She said. "I'm never gonna go a day without feeling this guilt." She blinked, and the threatening tears vanished. She poured herself another shot and took it. She finally looked into his eyes again. "I know you just told me what I needed to hear that day."

Her words hit him in the gut, but he wasn't surprised by them. He knew that she hadn't believed him, but he'd hoped she had. "Ash..."

"No I know," she cut him off. "I understand. I would have said the same thing." She poured two more shots. They both took them. "I just think maybe I need to hear you say it."

He nodded and took a deep breath. He wasn't expecting to ever have to admit it to her, or even himself. Truthfully he hadn't let himself think about it in a long time, and now his heart was aching too.

He owed Kaidan the truth. He owed Ashley the truth. He leaned forward.

"There was a moment," he started quietly. "There was a moment where I was sure I could save you both. And then when I realized I couldn't I had to make a choice. I chose you." He found her eyes. "I'd never leave you behind. I couldn't. You know that."

He watched her blink away another threatening tear before she finally spoke. "I know," she whispered. She took another shaky breath and finally broke eye contact with him.

"Maybe this isn't something we're supposed to get over, Ash." He took her hand in his on the table, and rubbed his thumb over the top of it. "I don't think we'll ever forget it. And maybe we'll feel guilty forever. I don't know."

She sighed and squeezed his hand. "I hate this."

"I know. Me too. But it's not your fault Ash. It never was. That doesn't mean you can't feel it, but you can't let it kill you."

She finally smiled just a little. "You can't either."

He sighed and chuckled just a little. "I think we both know it's easier said than done to put it behind us, but I also think we have to." She nodded her understanding and released a breath she seemed to have been holding for the whole time.

"So how do we start that?" She asked.

"I think this was a good step."

She poured them two more shots and then held one up. He did the same. "Then here's to the next step." They both tossed them back.

"So are you okay?" He asked.

She shook her head, but smiled. "No. But I will be I think."

He smiled. "Good. Me too." He wasn't sure how true that was.

Ashley finally laughed, blinking away her still threatening tears and leaned forward to kiss him. She lingered there, and he felt her hand on his cheek. When she parted with him she rested her forehead on his. "Thank you."

He smiled crookedly. "We're not done, yet Williams. There's still this bottle to take of."

She sat back and poured two more shots. "To Kaidan," she said.

""To Kaidan." They took them, and then Ash made a face.

"I'm drunk," she said.

Shepard appraised his own state. "I'm not far behind."

"Let's do this." Ash poured two more. And then two more. The two of them were quite literally drinking away their troubles. It felt good, cathartic, and long overdue. After a few more shots, and a few jokes to lighten the mood, Ashley finally turned her shot glass over on the table. "Okay I need to go to bed now."

"So I win?"

She drunkenly smacked at his leg. "It wasn't a contest!" She stood. "Okay wow." She wobbled just a little, putting her hand on the table to steady herself.

He stood too, maintaining his balance not much better than she was. "Can't hold your liquor, Chief?"

"Not tonight apparently."

He put his arms around her waist and pulled her close to him. "Well it's been a rough few days."

"Yeah." She rested her head on his collarbone and buried her nose in his neck. "I'm sorry I avoided you."

"It's no problem, Ash." He pulled her tighter. "But I did miss you being here."

She pulled back to look at him. "I did too."

He leaned in to catch her lips softly, and ran a thumb across her cheekbone. "Ready to pass out?"

She nodded. "Oh yeah." She headed to his bunk, dragging him behind her. When she got to the bed she climbed on and curled up like a little girl. Shepard had to laugh. He shook his head and removed her boots, then slid in next to her and used his omni-tool to lower the lights.

As they held each other in the dark, drunk and emotionally exhausted, Shepard kissed the top of her head.

"How much time do we have?" Ash's voice was muffled just a little by his chest.

"Never enough." He pulled her tighter to him and listened as her breathing evened out and she drifted off to sleep. "Sweet dreams, Ash." It didn't take him long to slip into his own drunken slumber.

He grumbled awake at the sound of his comm. It was several hours later, and he and Ash were still in the exact position in which they'd gone to sleep. She also sighed and came halfway to life as Shepard cleared his throat and answered his ping.

"Yeah," His voice was hoarse and raw, and he could already tell he had a headache.

Joker's voice rang too loud and clear over the speaker as Ashley lifted her head with a small groan.

"Picked up a possible distress beacon from one of the ships we're looking for. Should be in range in about five minutes. Maybe if we're lucky it's not just another ghost ship."

"Copy that, Joker. I'll be right up." The comm chirped off and Shepard shifted his attention to Ashley. "You know," he said. "I've got half a mind to tell the Alliance to go screw itself and go AWOL for a while."

She chuckled and kissed the side of his neck. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," he joked. "What do you say after this op we just disappear to some...remote...tropical planet with a nice beach."

"Oh is that what you want?" She propped herself up on her elbow and grinned. "Here I thought you were trying to save the world."

He shrugged. "It was a tough decision, but somehow the thought of you covered only in sand won out." He kissed her quickly.

She laughed and sat up. "Tell you what. We kick the Reapers' asses and save the galaxy? I'll wear whatever the hell you want."

"Deal, though I guess right now I need you and Liara both in some armor." They both stood and Ash pulled her boots on.

She placed another kiss on his lips. "Aye aye, Skipper." She headed toward the door. "Okay. Let's do work."

"Be up in a minute."

In the hallway of the mess, he nodded to several crew members as he passed them on the way to his weapons locker. There he found his N7 armor and put it on. It was beaten, weathered, had taken a lot of hits, but it was still strong and dependable and the only armor he would wear. He glanced at his helmet. It was just as scratched and abused, but he loved it. It felt like a second skin to him now.

He was pulled from his thoughts by Joker's voice. "All hands brace for evasive maneuvers!"

Shepard barely had time to react to the command when he was slammed against the lockers with incredible force. The Normandy shook and rumbled and Shepard could hear pockets of explosions coming from all directions. He quickly regained his footing.

"Joker, report!" He yelled into his comm.

"Mayday mayday," Joker's voice came. "Sir, we are under attack by an unknown enemy!"

"Damage report!"

"Kinetic barriers down! Multiple hull breaches, weapons offli- " His voice was cut off by another huge explosion. Shepard could hear screams of his crew. Some were the groans of pain. Had the geth found them? No. The geth couldn't do this to the ship. This was something else. The air was filling with smoke. The wall above him exploded in flames, a mass of wires and tubing bursting forth. He growled and put his hand up to shield his face.

More screams. More explosions.

"Get us out of here, Joker!" There was no response, and Shepard wondered if he'd even heard his order.

This was bad. Very bad. He grabbed his helmet and sprinted to the forward area of the ship. He ran passed the sleeper pods, mangled and on fire and stopped at the console at the end. At the very least he could sound the evac alarm and launch the distress beacon. He punched the button, causing an alarm to sound. The VI's voice was barely audible over the sounds of his ship being pulled apart.

He heard a couple smaller explosions behind him and then Ash's voice.

"Shepard!" She yelled. He turned, pulling his helmet into place. Ash stood before him in her full armor as well.

"Distress beacon is ready for launch," Shepard said.

Ash shook her head. "Will the Alliance get here in time?" Another explosion rocked the both of them, hurtling Ash into the wall, hard. She grunted and struggled again to her feet.

"They damned well better!" he yelled. The screen behind him was offline at the moment. He needed to get it back on to launch the beacon. "Dammit!" He headed for some exposed wiring, stopping to pick up a fire extinguisher. He tossed it behind him to Ash, who caught it and aimed at the flames. It was useless he knew. He grabbed it back from her.

"Get everyone onto the escape shuttles." He dropped the futile fire extinguisher and continued messing with the wires.

"Joker's still in the cockpit. He won't abandon ship," Ash said. "I'm _not _leaving either." Somehow he knew she'd say that, but he didn't have time to argue with her. The screen popped back up into working order then and Shepard rushed to it.

"I need you to get to the crew into the evac shuttles. I'll take care of Joker." He could tell she hadn't budged behind him. He turned to look at her, her worried eyes the only thing visible through her visor.

"That's an order, Chief!" he yelled.

She shook her head. "Commander!"

He met her eyes. "Ashley, go…Now."

She finally nodded. "Aye aye." . He watched her force her feet from the spot where they were standing and then she turned and ran through a wall of smoke.

Soon after, Shepard found himself working his way through the cloud, dodging fire and debris that leapt at him from the walls. The mess hall was obliterated. There was nothing but ship guts lining its floor.

When he reached the door at the top of the stairs and opened it, he felt the air behind him get blown out into space. It was suddenly silent. His eyes widened as he looked at what was left of his ship, his Normandy. The entire roof of the Normandy had been blown off. He was standing in open space, in a corpse of his ship. He had no idea it was this bad. As he made his way as quickly as he could to the cockpit, knocking floating console chairs away from him as he did, he thought of his father's words from his dream. _"Time to go, bud."_ He thought them appropriate for the situation.

Joker sat, still scrambling to save the ship. Shepard wondered if he even knew about the damage behind him.

"Joker! We have to get out of here!" Shepard yelled.

"No!" Joker yelled. It surprised Shepard. "I won't abandon the Normandy!"

Shepard couldn't believe what he was hearing. "The Normandy's dead!" he barked. "Just like us if we don't get out of here!"

"They're coming around for another attack!"

What was left of the Normandy rumbled again as a giant yellow beam sliced through the area behind the cockpit like butter. There was no time to reason with Joker. Shepard grabbed him hard, prompting a yelp of pain from him and helped him to the shuttle. When Joker was inside, Shepard felt an explosion hit his back. He turned to look, lost his footing and fell away from the door to the shuttle.

He thought he heard Joker call him, but everything was starting to sound slow in his head. He knew he had a decision to make just then. Whatever it was that was attacking them hadn't let up. They had precious few seconds before everything, including the shuttle was destroyed. Knowing that he couldn't get back to it in time, Shepard did the only thing he knew to and hit the button to launch the pod. The doors sealed shut in front of Joker's panicked face.

The next thing Shepard felt was fire. Burning. He saw only red and orange around him, heard only the sound of his groans as another explosion pummeled him. He was suddenly very aware of his broken bones and the burns on his skin. It took him a moment to realize the sensation of being hurtled through space. He thought he might have blacked out for a moment and when he woke there was nothing around him save for some stray pieces of metal that used to be his ship. And silence.

Finally he heard his shallow breath in his suit. His body was broken, but his adrenaline was still pumping. The pain of it would hit him soon, but not before he ran out of air. To his horror, he realized that his suit was punctured. It wasn't long before he was struggling to breathe. He panicked and struggled for just a moment, and then a calm acceptance washed over him.

He closed his eyes, and slowed his breathing to a shallow wheeze.

He was going to die.

He'd never been more certain of anything in his life. He'd barely escaped death before, and each time there'd been a moment where he thought he might, but this was it. This was the moment he was sure that it was all ending.

He was surprised to find he was oddly at peace staring into the abyss of open space. It was so beautiful, and the stars seemed a fitting place to live out his final moments.

He felt his breath catch, felt it more difficult to take a breath.

He thought of Ashley. He wasn't surprised to learn that his final thoughts would be of her, her smile, her sincere eyes. For a moment, he wished he would have told her, wished he would have just said how much he loved her. But she knew. He knew she knew. His vision blurred, and there was no more air, no more time. He surrendered, closed his eyes, and then there was nothing.


	30. Soldier On

**Soldier On**

Joker glared angrily at the sliver of sunlight that forced its way into his hotel room. Vancouver wasn't even supposed to be sunny. He considered getting up off of the couch to go take care of it, but he determined the room was dark enough for now, and he didn't feel like moving off of the couch. To compromise, he shifted his position slightly and ached with the movement.

Part of the reason for his ache was that he'd been a bit banged up during the attack. Nothing was broken, surprisingly, but nothing felt great either. He grimaced as he shifted to get more comfortable and realized another large part of his stiffness and soreness was because he had barely moved from this seat in the last 72 hours.

He glanced at the nearly empty bottle of whiskey on the coffee table in front of him, and poured the rest of it into his nearly overflowing tumbler. He didn't bother with a sip. He took two large gulps and put the glass back on the glass table with a hard clack. He was drunk, that much he knew.

It had been four days. Four days since everything had literally fallen apart in his hands. He'd gone over it a million times, replayed it in his memory over and over. It was a loop of self-hatred and nightmarish guilt that he couldn't seem to drink away.

And now they were going to ground him.

He took another drink and put his head back on the back of the couch. He exhaled, wishing he could just rewind, wished he could go back, wished he could have made a different choice. He wished that Shepard was still here.

He had killed Shepard. Not directly of course, but that's what it felt like. By now he'd done his report, and the rest of the crew had seen it. Some of them hadn't had much to say to him in passing during the hearings in the last couple of days.

And then there was Williams. His stomach turned again at the thought. She hadn't actually said anything to him. She hadn't needed to. He had tried to say something, anything to her, to Liara, to Garrus. They had all read his report. And he had read theirs. Ashley's was particularly damning as she was the one who had tried to get him to leave in the first place. And she was the one who had told Shepard, and Shepard had come to save him instead of getting off the ship. Obviously he had tried to save him. He couldn't imagine Shepard ever leaving anyone behind while there was still a chance to save them.

He knew the Commander had been banging Williams. They hadn't done a very good job of hiding it, particularly when Joker's bunk was right next to Williams' and she had been scarcely there during her rack time lately. She'd sneak in the early morning. Most people probably didn't notice, but Joker already figured they were getting it on. He'd lingered too long on the comm or camera more than once before when Shepard and Williams had been alone in the mess or the garage. He'd felt a little guilty about it, but he'd never seen anything too private. Some flirtatious looks, the occasional too casual touch, that sort of thing. He always watched the crew when he was bored. But knowing that Shepard had meant something more to Williams had made him pretty terrified to see her.

When she'd seen him, his blood had run cold. When her eyes had met his, the breath from his lungs had disappeared. He had tried to stammer something out to her, knowing there was nothing he could say. And then he blinked and was suddenly wide eyed, pressed against the wall. Williams' hands had clenched in fists, balling up the fabric near the neck of his uniform. He would never forget her eyes. He had never seen her so angry. He had never seen anyone so angry. She pinned him to the wall, shaking with rage, staring him down for what seemed like an hour. He'd been afraid she was going to hit him, break something on him. Her jaw was tight, her eyes were on fire, and he could see the angry tears threatening in them. He'd wanted to say he was sorry. He'd wanted to say anything, but he couldn't. It didn't matter.

Finally he'd heard Liara's voice barking at Williams. "Ashley!" she'd snapped. He watched her calmly place a hand on Williams' shoulder. "Let him go, let's go." After a moment, Williams' face softened a bit. She almost looked surprised at herself. And then, when she could no longer bear to look at him she released him with a small gasp. As they left, it was Liara's look of sadness and disappointment that she'd shot at him that really stabbed him in the gut. Maybe it wasn't that. He could be projecting his own guilt, but it sure felt like that. He hadn't dared look at Garrus, and then the three of them walked away together. He wondered if they hated him.

He couldn't blame them.

He hated himself.

He looked down at the data pad next to him on the couch. It had been sitting there for hours with the same open email from Anderson.

_Temporary suspension, pending disciplinary review._

He knew what that meant. It meant they would keep him in limbo for a while, just long enough to make it seem like they'd been debating the outcome. It was possible they'd transfer him to some cargo boat or some transport; someplace they sent the ones who didn't follow the rules. But he knew they would ground him, take away his wings for disobeying direct orders. He just knew. He'd bet a million creds that they'd already made their decision.

Anything they could do to keep it quiet, they would. Even if normally they might not have suspended him, Shepard was the biggest deal in the galaxy right now, the first human Spectre, and everybody's hero. This was a big deal.

Even as he thought of it, he cursed his self-focus. Shepard was dead, and Joker kept coming back to the consequences of his actions and what it would mean for him. _What an asshole_, he thought to himself. If they took away his flight status he would have nothing, be nothing. Just some drunkard with brittle bones who got his Commander, his _friend_, killed in action.

He took another look at the assaulting light from the window and decided the best thing to do was empty his glass into his mouth and throw it hard at the wall. It smashed with a lot more fanfare than he had intended, and the sunlight still pounded. He sighed and sunk into the couch as far as he could.

* * *

The somber mood of the bar had pretty much cleared everyone out but the crew. It was quiet, except for a series of slow, sad sounding songs that played softly from the jukebox. Garrus sighed and sipped his drink. He almost couldn't take the quiet of it all. The crew had decided to get together here in a show of support and solidarity. They'd all just lost their commander and several other friends. It was like a tomb in this place, as the twilight dwindled through one of the few, dirty windows.

Apparently it was a bar often frequented by Alliance types, a place they could unwind, have a few, hook up with someone and blow off some stress. Garrus wasn't feeling particularly social. Nobody was. He looked around the room at the faces there. Haines, Stanson, Adams, Chakwas. Everyone was there, but nobody wanted to be.

His gaze went to Williams, who was standing with Fitzer and Adams. They looked to be quietly and politely chatting. Probably about nothing in particular, though Garrus imagined it was better than saying nothing. They all looked tired, particularly Williams, who Garrus knew had more than a professional friendship with the Commander. He wasn't sure what to say to her, or if he should say anything at all.

He wasn't very good at this sort of thing. When a Turian died in combat, there was a get together, but even when it was sad it was almost celebrated. Dying in battle was an honor, something to be proud of, and something people would respect. This didn't feel like an honor. This felt like a mistake. Shepard's death felt like the Universe had cheated. Of all the ways he could have gone, this was the worst. After everything they'd done, to be taken out by a shipwreck just seemed insulting.

Garrus realized he was holding his glass so hard it might have broken if he'd continued to think about it. He set it on the bar next to him and moved over to Liara, who was sitting alone at a table. She looked up at him, smiled just slightly and he sat down with her.

"Thanks for joining me," she said.

"Couldn't have you sitting alone, Tsoni."

She chuckled slightly. "I guess no matter how close we get to the crew we'll still be outsiders."

Her words rang true and he nodded, but he wasn't sad about that. He didn't think she was either, just that it was an observation.

"Joker isn't here," She said sadly. "I was wondering if he'd come."

"Can't blame him for not coming. He obviously feels like this is all his fault."

Liara sighed. "He did what he thought was right. He thought he could save the Normandy."

"I know. I don't feel like he should be so hard on himself, but I guess in the end that doesn't really matter. Shepard is still gone." He glanced over at Ashley again. She looked like she wanted to run screaming from the room. She was staring into the middle distance now as Adams spoke, just holding her beer. "Williams seemed pretty angry with Joker."

Liara nodded again. "Of course she is. She's angry. We're all angry in general. This shouldn't have happened..." Her voice caught at the end of her sentence and Garrus watched as she blinked tears away from her blue eyes.

Garrus didn't know what to say to her. He just put his hand on her shoulder for a moment and she smiled at him.

"And how are you holding up?" She asked.

He considered this a moment. "Really shitty," he decided. He hadn't been this broken up about something in a long time. "Think I need another drink." He stood, feeling like he'd been punched in the gut with loss and headed back to the bar. He motioned to the bartender for another and took the drink in his hand.

"I want to say something," Garrus turned to find Dr. Chakwas standing in the middle of the room, her glass of wine in her hand. Everyone focused their attention on her as she continued to speak. "As your doctor on the Normandy I feel a great deal of personal connection with each and every one of you has come to me for anything - insomnia, stitches, even a common cold. I look to you all as... great contributions to the Alliance... and as dear friends. A few days ago, we lost... some friends..." She cleared her throat, trying to maintain her composure. Garrus scanned the room, watching the faces of the crew as they listened to her. It was a mixture of sadness, nodding, and blank stares. "Each loss... stings with injustice and I feel angry and sad as I'm sure you all do." She shrugged. "I don't have any real words of comfort or even any kind of affirmations. We know that what we do is dangerous, and the ones we lost knew it too. I suppose I just felt like I should say...something." After a few seconds she raised her glass, prompting everyone else to raise as well. Garrus didn't feel like toasting, but he raised his with everyone else in solidarity. Williams caught his eye, her glass in the air as she stared at the floor. "To the fallen," Chakwas said.

There was a quiet chorus of "hear hear" and "to those we've lost" and other various echoes before everyone took a drink. "To Shepard," Garrus said quietly to himself, and took a sip of his drink. His eyes found Ashley again. She was still staring at the floor, her glass near her lips, but not touching. She stood for a long moment just staring, before she silently put her beer down on the table in front of her and made her way casually to the door. She slipped out, and Garrus wondered if anyone else had even noticed her leave when he locked on Liara's eyes across the room. They had both seen her leave, and Liara's eyes held a great amount of concern.

She stood then, and walked to Garrus. He could tell she wanted to go after her. "She may need to be alone," he said.

Liara looked at the door and then reluctantly nodded. "I know."

They stood silently for a long time in the quiet bar until Garrus couldn't stand it anymore. "I'm going to get blind drunk tonight, Tsoni. Care to join me?"

She chuckled. "I think I'll not have as many, but I'm happy to keep you company."

Garrus smiled back at her. "I'd like that," he said. They didn't say much for the rest of the time they were there, but Garrus thought it was nice to have a friend next to him.

* * *

She didn't bother turning on the light in her hotel room. The diminishing light from outside was still giving the room a purplish glow at dusk, and Ashley didn't want to see anything right now. She glanced at her unmade bed. She couldn't remember the last time she hadn't made her bed. It was so ingrained in her military upbringing to square away her bunk, that the sight of her rumpled sheets and pillows gave her pause.

Not that she'd been sleeping. Every time she closed her eyes she saw his face, replayed his smile, remembered the scar she liked next to his left eye, and the nights they'd spent together, just the two of them in their own, private refuge from the madness that surrounded them.

She went directly to the cupboard and got a glass from it, then took the bottle of whiskey she'd just purchased out of the brown paper bag and stared at the label. It was the same brand she'd gotten for her and Shepard the night she'd gotten him the hotel room here in Vancouver.

That hadn't been that long ago, and now it seemed like it was a memory that was fighting to stay in her head, as if it had been years ago.

"_Well I'm not going anywhere." _She heard his voice in her ear as if he was there, and his phantom breath on her ear caused goose bumps to rise on her flesh. She ignored it. She'd been ignoring his voice for days. It seemed every bit of anything he'd ever said to her had come rushing back wanting to make itself known, wanting her to remember. Even stupid things - orders he'd given in combat, transmissions he'd made to Joker from their ground team, everything jumbled in her loud brain in one big, painful mess.

She opened the bottle and poured herself a large serving, then took the bottle by the neck and carried it with her to the chair on the opposite side of the room. She sat and took a drink from her glass, placing the bottle on the end table next to her.

She stared at the sky from her window. The clouds had helped to create a purplish orange sunset. It should have been beautiful. But the orange only made her think of The Normandy on fire, crumbling around her as she left him there to die.

"_Ashley, go. Now."_ She batted the thought away again with her mind, but the guilt lingered.

And the anger. She was angry. She was angry with herself. She was angry with God. She was angry with the Alliance, the Reapers, everyone and everything. And she'd nearly broken Joker. She had surprised even herself. It was the least professional response she could have had and she knew it. Part of her wanted to apologize, but part of her still hated him and wished it had been Shepard in that evac shuttle instead.

Her stomach turned. Just as it had the moment she'd found out he wasn't in it. The evac shuttles were programmed to return to the nearest Alliance location. It had been some shitty base in some shitty system. She didn't even remember or care where. Some sandy, nearly deserted rock where she'd learned she would never see him again.

_"What do you say after this op we just disappear to some...remote...tropical planet with a nice beach."_

She drowned the sound of his voice out with another gulp of whiskey. It burned and a drop went down the wrong pipe, prompting her to lean forward and cough hard. Her eyes watered and burned and she had to take a moment to compose herself.

"Shit," she cursed. Defiantly, she finished the beverage she'd poured for herself and poured another. She kicked off her boots, as if anything would make her more comfortable, and curled her legs up to her chest in the chair.

This wasn't supposed to happen. Not this way. She'd lost friends and the man she loved all at once, all from some random attack by God only knew what. They still didn't have answers about that. Whoever or whatever it had been wasn't the Geth. She knew that much. The Alliance was sending a patrol out to their location near Alchera's orbit to see what they could see, but she knew it would be an exercise. They wouldn't find anything, at least not until it happened to another ship.

She thought then about the ghost ships they'd found, and the wreckage they'd seen. She took another drink as she stared at the sky. What was out there? Who did this? Whoever it was, she wanted to make them pay. She suddenly found herself thinking of nothing else but revenge. No. Justice. Her jaw clenched, as did her grip on her glass. She stared out the window, watching the orange light slip down over the horizon. She felt the tear before she realized she was crying. It snuck down her cheek, hoping to be unnoticed. She swiped it away, frustrated and took another drink, emptying the whole contents into her mouth.

_"I'd never leave you behind. I couldn't. You know that."_

She growled and chucked her empty glass to the floor. It didn't break, but she'd wanted it to. She felt herself crumple, felt her shoulders sag and the heat on her face sear into her moistening eyes. And then the tears came freely as she hugged her knees to her chest, trying her best to be quiet as her body shook with her near silent sobs. Finally, she buried her wet face in her hands as her thoughts formed what her voice could not. _I'm sorry. My God I'm so sorry._

* * *

Liara hesitated before knocking on Ashley's door. It had been all she could do to give her space for this long. She was worried about her. As much as they'd had their differences, they were friends now, and she'd seen the way she looked when she left the bar the night before. She'd looked distant, like a shell walking around with no one really inside. Garrus had been right though. She wouldn't have wanted to talk about it. Ashley liked to process things privately, or at least that was the impression Liara got from her.

After a moment, she heard some movement, and then the door opened. Ashley stood, in a pair of shorts and her tank top looking a little worse for the wear. Her hair was down and it was clear she'd just dragged herself out of her bed moments before based on the messy tangle of full waves it appeared to be. Her face was puffy, but Liara couldn't tell if that was lack of sleep, crying or both.

"Hey," Ashley greeted quietly, opening the door a little more for Liara to enter. She did so.

"I brought you some coffee." Liara smiled and handed the gunnery chief a cup with the steaming brew inside. Liara didn't drink coffee very often, but she'd gotten herself one as well with a lot of cream and sugar. It seemed like the kind of day that needed it.

Ashley took the cup and smiled. "Thanks. Oh man, you're my hero right now." She took a sip. "Oh that's good."

"You're welcome." They both moved over to the couch and sat. "Did you sleep?" Liara asked quietly.

Ashley shook her head. "You?"

Liara responded in kind. She'd watched Garrus make good on his promise to get blind drunk, listened to him sing the praises of Shepard, tell stories about his own father, actually do some singing of some old Turian songs, and then helped put him to bed in his hotel. She was glad she had decided not to drink. It just would have made her more upset, and she was barely keeping it together as it was.

"I hope Anderson can get the Council and the Alliance brass to listen to reason. The Reaper threat is real and without Shepard around to force the issue I'm afraid of it being swept under the rug."

Liara nodded. It was obvious Ashley didn't want to talk about how she was feeling. Liara didn't much want to either. She'd cried herself to a restless sleep the last few nights and then had horrible nightmares. She'd felt the things that Shepard had felt: Akuze, the beacon, and the pain he'd held inside him, even their feelings for each other. Her memories of him, and his memories that she'd felt were all she had left and they were precious to her.

"Anderson will do his best. I'm sure of it." Liara sipped her coffee and the two sat silently again. She hoped that was true. Anderson seemed like a good man, and one who knew the truth. He would be invaluable now that Shepard was gone in getting anyone to listen, to do anything at all. "I can't believe he's... just gone." She hadn't really meant to say it out loud, but there it was.

Ashley took a deep breath. "He's still only technically MIA. Without a body or...or any kind of..." She trailed off.

"Don't do that to yourself, Ashley." Liara's voice was quiet. "Or to me." Their eyes met and held each other there for a long moment before Ashley conceded with a nod and took Liara's hand on the couch between them. Looking down, she squeezed lightly. Liara squeezed back. After a moment, Ashley released her grip and stood.

"Give me a few minutes to get dressed and we can head to the meeting." Without another word, she walked to the bathroom and closed the door, leaving Liara alone on the couch. She glanced at the empty liquor bottle on the nightstand and determined that was probably the reason for Ashley's bleary eyed state more than anything. She sighed and waited patiently for her to return.

* * *

They'd wanted to speak to "what was left of the ground team" and that meant Ash, Garrus, and Liara. The three of them sat at the table before the admirals. Ashley felt queasy. She was hung-over and felt sick, but she wasn't sure that was the only reason for her pounding headache.

They'd gone through it all again, asked questions that didn't need to be asked about past missions that didn't matter. They'd asked about the geth, praised their work in stopping the huge threat. They hadn't asked about the Reapers at all, and Ashley was starting to get very angry. She'd sat through this with the others for the past hour, trying to keep her head, keep her cool and all she wanted to do was scream at them. They'd never been behind Shepard. They'd never believed him. They'd never listened, even to Anderson, who sat looking just as frustrated at the end of the table.

Rear Admiral Ellensworth took off her glasses and put the data pad down. She folded her hands on the table in front of her, a sure sign that this meeting was coming to a close.

"Commander Shepard and the crew members lost aboard the Normandy in this... event... Well it's a great loss. I hear only that this crew, this commander were the best the Alliance had to offer. And I'm proud of the diversity among that same crew. As you all sit here before me I'm reminded why we do what we do." She sighed. "That being said, with the destruction of a prototype stealth frigate and no commanding officer, the remaining crew will be reassigned shortly, pending review and evaluation and that includes you as well, Chief Williams. Dr. Tsoni, Mr. Vakarian I'd like to thank you both on behalf of the Systems Alliance for your service. We'll send you the necessary paperwork to terminate your contracts."

She had expected this. It was normal procedure really. There was no ship, no leader, and no crew. The Normandy's crew was no more, unceremoniously scattered to the wind. Still, she felt a pit in her stomach. Everything would be different now. Everything.

The Admiral continued. "As for this Reaper business, the evidence will be filed and presented at a future date to make a decision on whether or not to pursue some sort of avenue of investigation."

"Avenue of investigation?" Ashley hadn't realized her outburst when it happened, but she realized there was no backing down now as the room turned to look at her.

"Chief Williams do you have something to say?" Anderson asked.

She stood. "Yes. Yeah I do have something to say sir. With respect, Admiral I think the evidence here is good enough to at least warrant some effort." She knew she shouldn't, but she couldn't stop herself. "This is bullshit and you know it, ma'am. You can't ignore this. The Reapers are real and if you and the Council don't start looking into this and taking it seriously we won't be able to stop this."

The Admiral took a deep breath and stared at her. "And what evidence is there, Ms. Williams? A giant Geth dreadnaught sitting in the presidium? It's a geth ship."

Liara stood. "What about the data from Ilos?"

"There was nothing to find there. The VI you found that supposedly told you about some ancient evil coming from dark space has long since lost power. Our engineers are working on it."

"Are they?" Liara asked. At this point, Garrus stood too.

"We know what we saw, and we know what Shepard knew." Ashley was glad to hear Liara and Garrus both backing her up.

"Commander Shepard isn't here to present his findings." Ashley felt like she'd been kicked in the gut. "As I said we will look into it, Williams. That's all I can promise at this point."

Ashley didn't know what to say. She simply stood there with her friends, listening as all of their work, all of Shepard's work was quietly classified into a file that no one would read or even pay attention to until it was too late.

"You're dismissed, Chief." The Admiral said. She then returned her glasses to her face and looked again at her datapad. Ashley glanced at Anderson, who nodded reassuringly in her direction.

Ashley looked at Liara and Garrus. They both looked at her, and they simultaneously turned and exited the room, knowing full well that nothing they could say would make a difference.

The fountain in the well light, Presidium courtyard where the Alliance had their small headquarters provided a calming sort of white noise. Ashley stared at the water for a long moment. She felt like a failure. Without Shepard's clout, or the belief of the Council or the Alliance brass, she truly felt like a grunt with no voice in this. She turned when she heard Anderson's voice behind them.

"I know it sounds bad," he said. They all turned to look at him. "And it is. I won't lie to you. They just don't want to listen because… Well it sounds crazy." He looked down, seemed sad. Ashley knew Anderson had liked Shepard very much, and he was no doubt hurting as well over the loss of him, and of his own former crew and ship.

"What can we do?" Liara asked.

He shook his head. "Nothing right now. I'll keep my ear to the ground; make as many friends as I can who'll believe me. I'm not going to be quiet about this, particularly not with the Council." He nodded. "I won't let this go away. I promise."

Ashley met his eyes and nodded. "Thank you sir."

He sighed. "I have to get back in there." He turned to Garrus, shook his hand. "Vakarian." He did the same with Liara. "Dr. Tsoni. Shepard was lucky to have you. All of you." He turned to Ash. "Williams, come and see me in my office in about an hour. I have something I need to discuss with you."

She nodded. "Yes sir." She saluted him then, and he returned it before turning and stepping back into the conference room, leaving the three of them to stand there in silence. "What now?" Ashley heard herself saying.

"C-Sec... wants me back," Garrus said. "I'm supposed to meet with them today, make my decision." He sighed. "I should probably head there now."

Liara nodded. "I need to...take some time. A friend of mine is on a dig in the Terminus and she's offered to let me come by." She looked down. "I think distracting myself with some research will be good."

Ashley exhaled. "I guess this is it then." She looked at each of them. "Did you get word to Tali and Wrex, Liara?"

She nodded. "I think so. I haven't heard back about my message yet."

"I should get going," Garrus said. It was clear he didn't want to stand and wallow. "I'll... be in touch with both of you." He touched Liara's shoulder as he walked off quickly, obviously upset, but not wanting to show it.

"Maybe... you should ask Anderson if you can take some leave," Liara's voice was soft, almost as if she hadn't wanted to say it.

Ashley shook her head, but smiled at the concerned Asari. "I need to work," she said simply. It was the truth. She needed to bury this, not think of it, and make it go away in her mind. The quickest way to do that, to ignore her pain, was to get back to work.

Knowing that would be the end of it, Liara simply nodded. "Take care of yourself, Ashley."

"You too." After a moment, they both moved to pull each other into a hug. It had been tighter than Ash had anticipated, and longer too, but it felt good. As the two women stood there for a few seconds, just holding each other, each of them understanding the other's pain, Ashley found herself blinking away a tear. She would miss Liara. She would miss all of them.

When they parted, Liara simply smiled and turned to walk away, leaving Ashley standing alone in the marbled, deserted courtyard. When she was finally out of sight, Ashley sat on the edge of the fountain, staring at the water, watching it move. And just like that it was all over. The silence, save for the rushing fountain was deafening, and Ashley felt really and truly for the first time in a long time, very much alone.

* * *

_Author's note: I'm adding suggested songs to each following chapter. For this chapter – Soldier On, by The Temper Trap_


End file.
